I had an awesome day yesterday. I was supposed to take Father and Chrissy to Busch Gardens for the day since I made the family come home early from our vacation. I nixed the idea as soon as I confirmed Shar¡ and my plans to spend the day together. I had warned them ahead of time that we probably wouldn't go, so I wasn't being that mean.
Shar¡ called me at 7:30 in the morning to give me directions. She lives way out in Bloomingdale in the boonies. She won't accept the fact that she lives in the `boonies' and we joked about it a lot. She told me to be really careful with the directions because it's really easy to get lost in their housing development. She said it's like a maze and you can very easily get lost. We figured that I could get ready and make it to her house by nine, and said goodbye. I went first to the bank, and then bought gas for my car. I took the interstates to her house, figuring there was a far less chance of my car overheating if I wasn't stopping and starting all of the time. It wasn't really hard to find her house at all, just long.
When I got there, Shar¡'s little brother, Sean, opened the door and I could see Shar¡ lying there asleep on the couch. She had promised to be awake but I guess that was `close' enough. Her little sister, Emily, and Cord were running around as well. I told Sean to wake up Shar¡ by hitting her and shaking her and he wouldn't do it even after a lot of convincing. He kept wanting to shut the door on me but I finally convinced Cord to `jump on Mommy,' finally waking her up. She was still in her pajamas which she stayed in all morning. She also went without bra and underwear. I met Buffy, her stepmom, and we all ended up talking about me. Shar¡ and I spent a lot of time hanging all over each other on the couch
The drive home that night was quite intense. The radio was on 98 Rock, just the way she likes it. A song called Naughty Girl came on and she told me that she really likes it. We sat there touching each other as much as possible, and I came to find her leaning on the armrest and staring at me very seductively. Her eyes were glistening very prettily. I told her if she keeps doing that, she's going to run me off the road because I want to look back. Her hand was on the inside of my thigh for quite a while and I had my hand across her back on her shoulder. I don't know... need more time...
Tuesday, August 10, 1993
Sunday, August 8, 1993
August 8, 1993 - Sunday - Back in touch!, Sarah
It took me an entire day, but I finally got in touch with my sweetheart! I had been trying to call Christina all day long so that she could tell Shar¡ that I'm back. The worthless bitch wasn't home all day long. I figured the stupids were either out together no0t realizing what they were missing, or stupid might possibly be at work. I called Ryan in the office at Busch to get my schedule for Tuesday and also tried to call the photo shop to see if Christina was working. It turns out that she had been fired for good. Good. I left a couple of messages at her house so she would call me when she got home.
Jon from UF called this morning and I told him about just getting back from our vacation. He wanted to know what I was planning on doing about going up to Gainesville. We decided to all go up on Tuesday. We're both coming back to Tampa until the last minute, though. He said that he talked to Ed and he actually has a girlfriend!!! He told Jon that he's missed many a night in his own dorm due to this girl! Maybe I'll steal her... Just kidding, kind of...
I then called Sarah. I knew that my vacation would be the perfect excuse for why I hadn't called her back the last time she had called. It took her a second to realize who it was but then we started off with all of the niceties. We are really cool to each other and both act entirely interested in each other when we talk. I also compliment her as much as possible. She told me that she had been on a cruise about a week ago for her birthday and told me a little about that. I asked her about Clint and she told me not to mention that name anymore! She then said that there is a pretty bad story about their breakup. I reminded her that I had predicted it, and she remembered and laughed about it.
I told her that she couldn't go now without telling me that story, and with the fullest amount of trust, she did so. She admitted to the fact that they had been having sex. She took a home pregnancy test which showed up positive. She said after that he stopped calling her altogether. She went to her doctor to thankfully find out that she wasn't really pregnant. She later called him and told him that they need to have a serious talk and asked if he'd come over. He said that he is still in love with his old girlfriend, and I had heard him use that excuse before, but he would come over. He then stood her up and hasn't talked to her since. Talk about an irresponsible asshole! I told her that I'll kick his ass for her but she said she wants to do it herself. I was extremely impressed that she trusts me enough to tell me all of this.
We were then talking as if we might go out. She said something about coming by to see me on the Kumba on Tuesday. She probably won't now that I've written it down, though! She also said that she'd like to come and visit me in Gainesville after I convinced her that two hours really isn't that far away. I was really happy with the outcome off that little phone call and really like how easy it is for me to get girls these days, it seems.
Then my dearest finally called. I didn't expect to hear from her first, rather I though Christina would call and then we'd three-way. I was getting ready to eat and asked her where she was. She had gone with Christina down to Sarasota and went horseback riding. Right then they were at a Wal Mart here in Tampa because she couldn't get into her house until her father gets there. She wanted me to come and see her, but I didn't. She said that she'll call me as soon as she gets home.
I was so glad to hear from her that I had butterflies in my stomach while I was eating and almost couldn't finish. I have never felt better being in Tampa than I do now! When she called, we talked long and hard about our weeks, and how we both really missed each other. We admitted all of the little things that we each did in eager anticipation of being back together. She said that she didn't get out of Baylife until Wednesday. She said that she talked to Christina every night on the phone and has gone out twice. She said that would keep mentioning to Christina that she couldn't wait for me to come back and Christina got so tired of it she finally told her to shut up. She said she hung out with some guy at the park on Friday night, and went to Tally Hos with Christina last night. She sang The Rose again which I love.
I told her about how much I was hanging onto our picture from Adventure Island and about how I found a tape with The Rose on it and listened to it over and over. She later admitted that she had called me about two days ago and just let the phone ring and ring about twenty times just hoping I would pick it up. It seems like she's just as hung up on me as I am on her!!! She also told me that Christina was pulling some shit again trying to make Shar¡ not like me but Shar¡ saw right through it and told her to give up. Christina also told Shar¡ that Shar¡'s mom told her that her dad didn't like me either when he saw me. Shar¡ asked her dad about that and he denied it, saying that he saw nothing wrong with me and actually thought I was pretty decent and can come over whenever I want to. Thank you! Shar¡ said that her mom would really be pissed about that!
Cord spilled his bowl of Spaghetti O's once and she had to hang up for a while. Christina called during that time and we talked for a few minutes. She tried to tell me what Shar¡'s mom had said but I told her that I already know the entire story. We got off the phone pretty quick so Shar¡ could call back. She told me that she knew Christina would probably call me and if the line would have been busy when she tried to call back, she would have called Christina and told her to get her ass off to the phone so we could talk alone!!! beautiful!!!
She told me that she received my postcard just yesterday and that it's really sweet. Her stepmom read it, too and said that I sound like a really nice guy.
Jon from UF called this morning and I told him about just getting back from our vacation. He wanted to know what I was planning on doing about going up to Gainesville. We decided to all go up on Tuesday. We're both coming back to Tampa until the last minute, though. He said that he talked to Ed and he actually has a girlfriend!!! He told Jon that he's missed many a night in his own dorm due to this girl! Maybe I'll steal her... Just kidding, kind of...
I then called Sarah. I knew that my vacation would be the perfect excuse for why I hadn't called her back the last time she had called. It took her a second to realize who it was but then we started off with all of the niceties. We are really cool to each other and both act entirely interested in each other when we talk. I also compliment her as much as possible. She told me that she had been on a cruise about a week ago for her birthday and told me a little about that. I asked her about Clint and she told me not to mention that name anymore! She then said that there is a pretty bad story about their breakup. I reminded her that I had predicted it, and she remembered and laughed about it.
I told her that she couldn't go now without telling me that story, and with the fullest amount of trust, she did so. She admitted to the fact that they had been having sex. She took a home pregnancy test which showed up positive. She said after that he stopped calling her altogether. She went to her doctor to thankfully find out that she wasn't really pregnant. She later called him and told him that they need to have a serious talk and asked if he'd come over. He said that he is still in love with his old girlfriend, and I had heard him use that excuse before, but he would come over. He then stood her up and hasn't talked to her since. Talk about an irresponsible asshole! I told her that I'll kick his ass for her but she said she wants to do it herself. I was extremely impressed that she trusts me enough to tell me all of this.
We were then talking as if we might go out. She said something about coming by to see me on the Kumba on Tuesday. She probably won't now that I've written it down, though! She also said that she'd like to come and visit me in Gainesville after I convinced her that two hours really isn't that far away. I was really happy with the outcome off that little phone call and really like how easy it is for me to get girls these days, it seems.
Then my dearest finally called. I didn't expect to hear from her first, rather I though Christina would call and then we'd three-way. I was getting ready to eat and asked her where she was. She had gone with Christina down to Sarasota and went horseback riding. Right then they were at a Wal Mart here in Tampa because she couldn't get into her house until her father gets there. She wanted me to come and see her, but I didn't. She said that she'll call me as soon as she gets home.
I was so glad to hear from her that I had butterflies in my stomach while I was eating and almost couldn't finish. I have never felt better being in Tampa than I do now! When she called, we talked long and hard about our weeks, and how we both really missed each other. We admitted all of the little things that we each did in eager anticipation of being back together. She said that she didn't get out of Baylife until Wednesday. She said that she talked to Christina every night on the phone and has gone out twice. She said that would keep mentioning to Christina that she couldn't wait for me to come back and Christina got so tired of it she finally told her to shut up. She said she hung out with some guy at the park on Friday night, and went to Tally Hos with Christina last night. She sang The Rose again which I love.
I told her about how much I was hanging onto our picture from Adventure Island and about how I found a tape with The Rose on it and listened to it over and over. She later admitted that she had called me about two days ago and just let the phone ring and ring about twenty times just hoping I would pick it up. It seems like she's just as hung up on me as I am on her!!! She also told me that Christina was pulling some shit again trying to make Shar¡ not like me but Shar¡ saw right through it and told her to give up. Christina also told Shar¡ that Shar¡'s mom told her that her dad didn't like me either when he saw me. Shar¡ asked her dad about that and he denied it, saying that he saw nothing wrong with me and actually thought I was pretty decent and can come over whenever I want to. Thank you! Shar¡ said that her mom would really be pissed about that!
Cord spilled his bowl of Spaghetti O's once and she had to hang up for a while. Christina called during that time and we talked for a few minutes. She tried to tell me what Shar¡'s mom had said but I told her that I already know the entire story. We got off the phone pretty quick so Shar¡ could call back. She told me that she knew Christina would probably call me and if the line would have been busy when she tried to call back, she would have called Christina and told her to get her ass off to the phone so we could talk alone!!! beautiful!!!
She told me that she received my postcard just yesterday and that it's really sweet. Her stepmom read it, too and said that I sound like a really nice guy.
Saturday, August 7, 1993
August 7, 1993 - Saturday - I'm back!!! Attached!!!
Our horrible grueling mind-wrenching prison-vacation is finally over!!! Actually it was a pretty normal vacation, but longing to be back here with Shar¡ made it seem to drag on forever. I have never wanted to be in Tampa so much ever before. I have to make sure that I don't say the wrong things and cause her to feel bad about ruining my vacation! Now that we're back, I can't wait to finally get to call her tomorrow at a decent hour. Hopefully she'll be surprised because she thought my vacation lasted until Monday. Hopefully she's been waiting for me as much as I've been waiting for her.
I only drove two and a half hours on the way home compared to five and a half on the way up. We made it in a record eight hours on both trips! That shaved two hours off of every trip we had ever made before. It had a lot to do with the fact that I don't stop every few minutes to pee when I'm driving like father use to. In fact, I didn't pee once on the entire trip back!
I wrote a journal entry and some notes `a la paper' while up in Blue Ridge so I'll include them word for word now:
8/1/93
Shar¡ did a damn good job of making me feel great about our relationship as we parted. I'm ready to go back right now to be with her and it's only our first day up here. From my point of view, we both said all of the right things to each other. When she called at 10:30, I told her that I was about ready to call her. She asked why, if I was worried because she hadn't called back in a while. I agreed and joked that she hadn't called every fifteen minutes like it seemed she was doing earlier! I then told her that we were getting ready to leave and I wanted one last chance to talk to her. She told me that she really didn't want me to leave. I told her that I know, but this will be the only vacation of the year that I'll spend with my family. She understands but still doesn't like the idea of me leaving right now.
I told her again about having the cabin in the mountains and was telling her about being able to hike in the woods and raft in the river. She joked, asking me not to tell her all of that because she'll be on the first plane up! I knew she really likes that stuff which is why I was emphasizing them. I told her that I'd write to her, if only I knew her address, which she quickly gave me to her father's house. She told me that she'll really like it if I send her a postcard, and I agreed to possibly a letter as well. We knew that we didn't have that much time left so she started wishing me well. She told me to be safe, have fun, and that she'll miss me. She told me again that she wishes that I wasn't leaving. Then came the line that I loved! She accused me of causing her to become attached to me, and then getting up and going away on her!!! So she's attached now, huh!?! I came back promising to make it up to her by staying home with her the last week when I should have been going to Gainesville. She accepted that and we soon said goodbye as the time came for them to be escorted to their cafeteria for their evening snack.
Attached!!!...
We had been talking earlier on Saturday when I visited her about her hair again. She told me that she might have a perm and look totally different when I come back. I didn't know how serious she was being until she told me that her stepmom's friend is a hairstylist and will do it for free. Since she'll be moving in with her dad now, I'm sure they've already talked about her having something done. I told her again how much I really like her hair straight, and that I don't want her to change it. She said that hopefully it'll look good either way and I retorted with the fact hat it'll always look better straight, so why change? She finally got it through her pretty head that I was being very serious. I even promised to quit nagging her about her smoking if only she'll leave her hair beautiful. She agreed not to change it and was talking later letting it grow and grow way down her back. We'll see...
Attached!!!!!! I can't wait to see her again!!!
8/2/93
Shar¡ doesn't believe in abortion. She told me that she would have any baby.
I personally found it funny when the nurse at UCH asked Shar¡ if she is on the pill in front of me!
I still can't get over the word attatched!!!
I wonder if I should give her my ring, even if only for a while. She finds it to be an ultimate form of trust because she thought about it and realized that `Christina would shit!' when she saw her wearing my ring. I think I will, at least until Gainesville to `attach' her even more!
Damn I can't wait to see her! I think I'm worried about her and other guys as much as she is of me and other girls. She voiced her opinion, though, and I kept my mouth shut. I hope that my promises to stay `faithful' will cause her to do the same.
8/4/93
I've been thinking about how Shar¡ and I met. there were a lot of lucky chances and it seems amazing that our relationship fell into place as easily as it did. I have never been as aggressive with anyone before as I was with her. I had my arms around her only hours after first meeting her! I remember thinking at the time when I was first meeting her that the chances of us actually going out were one in a million, so what the hell!!! What awesome luck that things worked out so beautifully!
Longing to be with Shar¡ has made this vacation a prison. I'm extremely bored, homesick, and have little patience wants me to do work on this so called vacation.
I'm ready to promise Shar¡ that if we're still together next summer, that I will not go away like this again because I no longer have any desire to come back up here.
I just can't wait to talk to and see that girl again!!!
The psycho in Silence of the Lambs is a genius! I'd love to use some of his tactics on Shar¡ to find out why she tried to kill herself. Something sparked what she did. Find out what it was!!!
My parents (Father) keeps telling me that Shar¡ is already dating somebody else. I'd like to think that she is more worried about me dating someone else than I am of her.
8/6/93
I'm waiting now in semi-nervous-excited anticipation over Shar¡ and our reactions to each other when we first talk to and see each other again. I can only hope for the best.
I sent Shar¡ a postcard towards the beginning of the week just so she'll have something physical to remind her of me. I bought a postcard that has a really pretty picture of a waterfall in the woods. I wrote:
Shar¡, Hello dearest, what's up!?! It's day two of my little vacation and it seemed like a good time to write you. I drove about six of the eight hours it took to get up here and was pretty tired the first day. Today we drove around the corner to the Taccoa River ad I went tubing through these really cool rapids a couple of times. We took some pictures and I'll show you when I get back. Well, I'm having some fun, but it's pretty boring so far. I miss you a lot!
Love, Dan!!!
I felt that was pretty much to the point, and was also all I could fit on the tiny postcard. I really hope she got it already. Concerning girls, the week was a total flop. I flirted for a second with two girls at the grocery store yesterday for about fifteen seconds. there was a gorgeous blonde at the check outs in Roses on one of the first days we went. She called us over and I told mother to go to the cute blonde's row kind of loudly. I think this other cute cashier heard me. This girl was gorgeous and father knew that I was looking. I twisted my ring motioning for him to see if she's married but it was hard to tell. She had a bunch of stupid little rings all over her fingers. We looked at each other on the way out, and she turned completely around and we started at each other through the glass as I held the door open for Family. that was the only good experience the entire week.
I only drove two and a half hours on the way home compared to five and a half on the way up. We made it in a record eight hours on both trips! That shaved two hours off of every trip we had ever made before. It had a lot to do with the fact that I don't stop every few minutes to pee when I'm driving like father use to. In fact, I didn't pee once on the entire trip back!
I wrote a journal entry and some notes `a la paper' while up in Blue Ridge so I'll include them word for word now:
8/1/93
Shar¡ did a damn good job of making me feel great about our relationship as we parted. I'm ready to go back right now to be with her and it's only our first day up here. From my point of view, we both said all of the right things to each other. When she called at 10:30, I told her that I was about ready to call her. She asked why, if I was worried because she hadn't called back in a while. I agreed and joked that she hadn't called every fifteen minutes like it seemed she was doing earlier! I then told her that we were getting ready to leave and I wanted one last chance to talk to her. She told me that she really didn't want me to leave. I told her that I know, but this will be the only vacation of the year that I'll spend with my family. She understands but still doesn't like the idea of me leaving right now.
I told her again about having the cabin in the mountains and was telling her about being able to hike in the woods and raft in the river. She joked, asking me not to tell her all of that because she'll be on the first plane up! I knew she really likes that stuff which is why I was emphasizing them. I told her that I'd write to her, if only I knew her address, which she quickly gave me to her father's house. She told me that she'll really like it if I send her a postcard, and I agreed to possibly a letter as well. We knew that we didn't have that much time left so she started wishing me well. She told me to be safe, have fun, and that she'll miss me. She told me again that she wishes that I wasn't leaving. Then came the line that I loved! She accused me of causing her to become attached to me, and then getting up and going away on her!!! So she's attached now, huh!?! I came back promising to make it up to her by staying home with her the last week when I should have been going to Gainesville. She accepted that and we soon said goodbye as the time came for them to be escorted to their cafeteria for their evening snack.
Attached!!!...
We had been talking earlier on Saturday when I visited her about her hair again. She told me that she might have a perm and look totally different when I come back. I didn't know how serious she was being until she told me that her stepmom's friend is a hairstylist and will do it for free. Since she'll be moving in with her dad now, I'm sure they've already talked about her having something done. I told her again how much I really like her hair straight, and that I don't want her to change it. She said that hopefully it'll look good either way and I retorted with the fact hat it'll always look better straight, so why change? She finally got it through her pretty head that I was being very serious. I even promised to quit nagging her about her smoking if only she'll leave her hair beautiful. She agreed not to change it and was talking later letting it grow and grow way down her back. We'll see...
Attached!!!!!! I can't wait to see her again!!!
8/2/93
Shar¡ doesn't believe in abortion. She told me that she would have any baby.
I personally found it funny when the nurse at UCH asked Shar¡ if she is on the pill in front of me!
I still can't get over the word attatched!!!
I wonder if I should give her my ring, even if only for a while. She finds it to be an ultimate form of trust because she thought about it and realized that `Christina would shit!' when she saw her wearing my ring. I think I will, at least until Gainesville to `attach' her even more!
Damn I can't wait to see her! I think I'm worried about her and other guys as much as she is of me and other girls. She voiced her opinion, though, and I kept my mouth shut. I hope that my promises to stay `faithful' will cause her to do the same.
8/4/93
I've been thinking about how Shar¡ and I met. there were a lot of lucky chances and it seems amazing that our relationship fell into place as easily as it did. I have never been as aggressive with anyone before as I was with her. I had my arms around her only hours after first meeting her! I remember thinking at the time when I was first meeting her that the chances of us actually going out were one in a million, so what the hell!!! What awesome luck that things worked out so beautifully!
Longing to be with Shar¡ has made this vacation a prison. I'm extremely bored, homesick, and have little patience wants me to do work on this so called vacation.
I'm ready to promise Shar¡ that if we're still together next summer, that I will not go away like this again because I no longer have any desire to come back up here.
I just can't wait to talk to and see that girl again!!!
The psycho in Silence of the Lambs is a genius! I'd love to use some of his tactics on Shar¡ to find out why she tried to kill herself. Something sparked what she did. Find out what it was!!!
My parents (Father) keeps telling me that Shar¡ is already dating somebody else. I'd like to think that she is more worried about me dating someone else than I am of her.
8/6/93
I'm waiting now in semi-nervous-excited anticipation over Shar¡ and our reactions to each other when we first talk to and see each other again. I can only hope for the best.
I sent Shar¡ a postcard towards the beginning of the week just so she'll have something physical to remind her of me. I bought a postcard that has a really pretty picture of a waterfall in the woods. I wrote:
Shar¡, Hello dearest, what's up!?! It's day two of my little vacation and it seemed like a good time to write you. I drove about six of the eight hours it took to get up here and was pretty tired the first day. Today we drove around the corner to the Taccoa River ad I went tubing through these really cool rapids a couple of times. We took some pictures and I'll show you when I get back. Well, I'm having some fun, but it's pretty boring so far. I miss you a lot!
Love, Dan!!!
I felt that was pretty much to the point, and was also all I could fit on the tiny postcard. I really hope she got it already. Concerning girls, the week was a total flop. I flirted for a second with two girls at the grocery store yesterday for about fifteen seconds. there was a gorgeous blonde at the check outs in Roses on one of the first days we went. She called us over and I told mother to go to the cute blonde's row kind of loudly. I think this other cute cashier heard me. This girl was gorgeous and father knew that I was looking. I twisted my ring motioning for him to see if she's married but it was hard to tell. She had a bunch of stupid little rings all over her fingers. We looked at each other on the way out, and she turned completely around and we started at each other through the glass as I held the door open for Family. that was the only good experience the entire week.
Saturday, July 31, 1993
July 31, 1993 - Saturday - A distance to survive!
Christina called me last night right as I walked in the door and told me that Shar¡ hadn't called her all day, and she hadn't called me either. She knew that I worked until at least seven, though, so no big deal. We called the payphone that we had talked to her from the night before in the lobby. The receptionist said that she's probably already in the unit and gave us another phone number to call. It seemed like fifty people answered the phone before the finally got the right person on it. I didn't let Shar¡ know that I was on the phone at first because Christina was bitching at her for not calling her. I then piped up and asked her why she hadn't called me either. It was funny.
Shar¡ seemed really happy, far too happy. I asked her what's up and she kept saying that she was really glad to talk to us. They also put her on anti depressants which is a bunch of shit, but there's not much you can do about it. She told us all about the schedule that they have to go through from waking up at six in the morning to exercising and eating. She said that it reminds her too much of school. She had to go after a little while because she wanted to finish her cigarette before they closed them off form the outdoors. I was pissed at her for smoking again. I was going to eat and then they were going to call me back again later. Shar¡ and I decided that she'd call me back first so that we could talk alone for a few minutes. When she did, my supper was just finishing getting ready, so I couldn't talk long. Afterwards, I took a brief nap before they called me back.
I had said something to Shar¡ and Christina laughed and said, `This from a guy who was jealous about Scott!,' and then told Shar¡ about our conversation. Shar¡ thought it was really cute that I was worried and said that I had nothing at all to worry about. Christina said that she was the one that had to reassure me, and Shar¡ then told me that I should be entirely reinsured now. I told her that my mom just did that to my car, but I need assurance, not insurance. We all laughed about that. It was funny. We kept talking until their phone lines were cut off at eleven. Shar¡ kept saying that she really wants me to visit her today, and after saying I wanted to as well, she said she'd call me back first today. She just did and gave me the directions to the looney bin. Her visiting hours are from three to four and then from 6:30 to 7:30.
I also have been meeting a ton of girls at Busch Gardens lately. I was on break yesterday from Kumba and a bunch of people were in there. Ron was there and I kept thinking that he'll look at anything I do or say through filtered eyes since he knows about Shar¡. the gorgeous new girl named Stacy was there and she had fallen up at Python and banged her knee. She had gone to first aid and had a bandage put on the cut. I had been out at boardwalk all day long on purpose. The heat felt great and I was having fun talking to the guests and employees with no real responsibilities. I had sweated all over the front of my shirt and shorts. Ron called my name and asked if that was sweat. I said yes as everybody turned their heads and looked, including a cute girl sitting by herself. I thanked him for drawing everybody's attention to it. As I walked out Stacy joked that I smelled and I said, `Fuck you!,' and left. I knew that upset her.
She was supposed to sweep queue houses after her lunch and we met up on the boardwalk at Kumba and ended up walking around together for half an hour. I apologized for being so harsh and she complained that nobody felt bad for her because she got hurt. I told her that I did sympathize with her, but couldn't reveal my emotions in front of the guys. It was a really good excuse! We talked and were having a great time getting to know each other. We were talking about girlfriends and boyfriends and were joking about sex. A good situation arose for me to tell her that I was valedictorian. She already really likes me and sees that I am cute and far better than normal. To find out now that I'm smart just made everything more beautiful. She said that she was extremely proud of me and we continued to talk a lot. When it was time for us to part, she told me to have a good vacation and we hugged goodbye. That was awesome.
As I walked out through the Congo train Station to go home, I ran into this girl named Kristen who had pooled up at the Kumba once. I have also seen her in Vivi's and said hello to her. We always smile at each other and she is really cute. I stopped and talked to her for a few minutes and told her about having ten days off. She asked where I was going, and I told her about our cabin in the mountains, and the river and all. She said that the best vacation of her life was one in South Carolina where they went rafting. We soon said goodbye and I walked out with Sean.
As we got out to the guard station, Jennifer was walking back in. She told me that she forgot her purse and wanted me to walk back in with her. I walked with her to wardrobe in the morning because she needed a nametag and I had to turn one in. She's really cute and I like her a lot. She is a little flat chested and always jokes about it. She's really mean to herself and I don't really see that much of a problem. She said that her boyfriend was waiting to take her home in the truck right behind us and laughed as she told me not to put my arms around her. That gave me more of a reason to do so. It was fun. I told her that I will give her a ride home if he says anything and she admitted that he'll probably want to know why she was walking with that guy again. It's funny. She doesn't like the Kumba but said she would have gone on it with me right then if he wasn't waiting, but promised to go on it after I get back. She said that she would even come in on a day off if needs be.
Shar¡ called me back and we talked for another fifteen minutes a little while ago. I told her that I've decided to possibly come back home that tuesday I take all of my stuff to Gainesville and stay in Tampa as long as possible to see her. She was happy but then we were commenting about the parties and girls I'll be missing out on. I told her that I'd much rather be spending time with her than going to a bunch of stupid parties that I can go to all year long. We were talking about long distance relationships and about what will happen if I meet a girl in Gainesville. I told her that I'll make an extra effort not to meet any girls up there. I then told her that one of my roommates had a girlfriend all year down here at USF and I'll be able to take training and support from him. She liked that.
She called once more at two before I headed over to see her. She was afraid that it would take a long time for me to get there even though it's just a straight shot down Hillsborough Avenue. I left early for her to make sure that I'd get to spend the entire visiting time with her. I was half an hour early so I drove around a little bit and also stopped into Checkers and bought her a champ burger and small fries. I figured I probably wouldn't be able to sneak it in, but I wanted to give it a try.
They ended up taking the bag from me up front. They then took us through a series of locked doors and a metal detector. She had asked me to bring her a book and we decided on Cujo by Stephen King. When we finally made it in they asked us each who we were here to see. I told them Sharice Brown and then looked up to see her standing right there in the visiting room doorway. She looked really good. We went inside and sat down and did some quick catching up. I told her about the Checkers food and she was glad that I at least tried. She told me that she is supposed to get out on Monday and we joked that I could leave the food at the front desk for her until then!
She hadn't been able to shave since she first entered the hospital and her legs are getting rather stubbly. We were joking around about that. She was telling me that even though she wasn't nuts going in, she thinks she'll go insane if she has to be in there much longer. She says it's so boring and weird being around the true crazies. She said once to those baby blue puppy eyes, referring to mine. I made true puppy eyes and actually made her blush. It was really cute and she said that she's going to start calling me Puppy Eyes when she calls!
We held hands as we sat there together. She expressed some of her concerns a little bit trying to find out if I truly am going to stay true to her. Christina was talking before about how Shar¡ won't be ready for another serious relationship for a long time, and she said something to the same effect once a long ways back. I think that the responsibility that she is learning at Baylife and is taking from her father is going to cause a change in that. It seems, hopefully, that she's going to figure out that a commitment, however small, will be the best thing for both her and Cord. I'll just have to wait and see.
We were joking around again about her working for me in my own practice later on in life. She said that it'd be really cool to be so close to me all of the time! We were joking that Christina can be our paramedic and we made up a situation where we'll send her on a call two hundred miles away to get her out of our hair. It was funny.
She adjusted her rings and I jokingly adjusted mine drawing her attention to it. She was pretending that she was going to take it off, but I wouldn't let her. She commented that I'm really attached to the thing and I agreed. She told me that she wants to wear it to make sure that I'll come back to her after my vacation. I told her that I couldn't do that because I want o prove to her that I want to come back to be with her, not just to get back my ring!!! She was very impressed with my point and she laughed that I have a talent for getting out of anything by saying the right things. A few minutes later she tried to be witty, too, and told me that she wants to wear the ring so that she'll think of me every time she sees it. I gave her puppy dog eyes and asked her if that meant that she wouldn't think of me if Shar¡ I don't give her the ring! She laughed as she quickly realized her implications and once again I slipped right by her. It was quite funny. I asked her later about her true feelings on me coming back and she said that she has faith that I will.
We talked quite a bit more and the time just flew by. She said that it seemed to drag on when her dad was there and was amazed at how quickly the time went by. She was stealing me one time about their hectic schedule in the morning. After a while she said that they get to take their first smoking break. I said that must be the highlight of her morning, but she said no. She told me that comes later when she finally gets to call my phone number. That was sweet and she knows how to kiss ass, too! Before long, they kicked all of us visitors out as Shar¡ and I hugged and kissed goodbye. I walked out backwards keeping eye contact with her the whole way until I finally motioned for her to go and she smiled and turned away.
She called me back at 8:30 and we talked for a while. She told me that she's already read about twenty-five pages of Cujo and thinks it's a really good book. She forgot to ask for Puppy Eyes when she called so she made me hang up and let my sister answer the phone again! When I answered I told her that he wasn't here. She laughed and asked if he's not, and I said no, that my eyes have faded since I won't be seeing her for a week. It was sweet. She told me that there is a guy there who I saw who swears he is buying a car and then going swimming tomorrow. He keeps asking Shar¡ if she wants to come along and she just laughs. He asked her today if I am her boyfriend and she told him that you could say that. She then said that it'll get him out of her hair. I pouted and asked if she just said that to get rid of him, and she said not necessarily...
Shar¡ seemed really happy, far too happy. I asked her what's up and she kept saying that she was really glad to talk to us. They also put her on anti depressants which is a bunch of shit, but there's not much you can do about it. She told us all about the schedule that they have to go through from waking up at six in the morning to exercising and eating. She said that it reminds her too much of school. She had to go after a little while because she wanted to finish her cigarette before they closed them off form the outdoors. I was pissed at her for smoking again. I was going to eat and then they were going to call me back again later. Shar¡ and I decided that she'd call me back first so that we could talk alone for a few minutes. When she did, my supper was just finishing getting ready, so I couldn't talk long. Afterwards, I took a brief nap before they called me back.
I had said something to Shar¡ and Christina laughed and said, `This from a guy who was jealous about Scott!,' and then told Shar¡ about our conversation. Shar¡ thought it was really cute that I was worried and said that I had nothing at all to worry about. Christina said that she was the one that had to reassure me, and Shar¡ then told me that I should be entirely reinsured now. I told her that my mom just did that to my car, but I need assurance, not insurance. We all laughed about that. It was funny. We kept talking until their phone lines were cut off at eleven. Shar¡ kept saying that she really wants me to visit her today, and after saying I wanted to as well, she said she'd call me back first today. She just did and gave me the directions to the looney bin. Her visiting hours are from three to four and then from 6:30 to 7:30.
I also have been meeting a ton of girls at Busch Gardens lately. I was on break yesterday from Kumba and a bunch of people were in there. Ron was there and I kept thinking that he'll look at anything I do or say through filtered eyes since he knows about Shar¡. the gorgeous new girl named Stacy was there and she had fallen up at Python and banged her knee. She had gone to first aid and had a bandage put on the cut. I had been out at boardwalk all day long on purpose. The heat felt great and I was having fun talking to the guests and employees with no real responsibilities. I had sweated all over the front of my shirt and shorts. Ron called my name and asked if that was sweat. I said yes as everybody turned their heads and looked, including a cute girl sitting by herself. I thanked him for drawing everybody's attention to it. As I walked out Stacy joked that I smelled and I said, `Fuck you!,' and left. I knew that upset her.
She was supposed to sweep queue houses after her lunch and we met up on the boardwalk at Kumba and ended up walking around together for half an hour. I apologized for being so harsh and she complained that nobody felt bad for her because she got hurt. I told her that I did sympathize with her, but couldn't reveal my emotions in front of the guys. It was a really good excuse! We talked and were having a great time getting to know each other. We were talking about girlfriends and boyfriends and were joking about sex. A good situation arose for me to tell her that I was valedictorian. She already really likes me and sees that I am cute and far better than normal. To find out now that I'm smart just made everything more beautiful. She said that she was extremely proud of me and we continued to talk a lot. When it was time for us to part, she told me to have a good vacation and we hugged goodbye. That was awesome.
As I walked out through the Congo train Station to go home, I ran into this girl named Kristen who had pooled up at the Kumba once. I have also seen her in Vivi's and said hello to her. We always smile at each other and she is really cute. I stopped and talked to her for a few minutes and told her about having ten days off. She asked where I was going, and I told her about our cabin in the mountains, and the river and all. She said that the best vacation of her life was one in South Carolina where they went rafting. We soon said goodbye and I walked out with Sean.
As we got out to the guard station, Jennifer was walking back in. She told me that she forgot her purse and wanted me to walk back in with her. I walked with her to wardrobe in the morning because she needed a nametag and I had to turn one in. She's really cute and I like her a lot. She is a little flat chested and always jokes about it. She's really mean to herself and I don't really see that much of a problem. She said that her boyfriend was waiting to take her home in the truck right behind us and laughed as she told me not to put my arms around her. That gave me more of a reason to do so. It was fun. I told her that I will give her a ride home if he says anything and she admitted that he'll probably want to know why she was walking with that guy again. It's funny. She doesn't like the Kumba but said she would have gone on it with me right then if he wasn't waiting, but promised to go on it after I get back. She said that she would even come in on a day off if needs be.
Shar¡ called me back and we talked for another fifteen minutes a little while ago. I told her that I've decided to possibly come back home that tuesday I take all of my stuff to Gainesville and stay in Tampa as long as possible to see her. She was happy but then we were commenting about the parties and girls I'll be missing out on. I told her that I'd much rather be spending time with her than going to a bunch of stupid parties that I can go to all year long. We were talking about long distance relationships and about what will happen if I meet a girl in Gainesville. I told her that I'll make an extra effort not to meet any girls up there. I then told her that one of my roommates had a girlfriend all year down here at USF and I'll be able to take training and support from him. She liked that.
She called once more at two before I headed over to see her. She was afraid that it would take a long time for me to get there even though it's just a straight shot down Hillsborough Avenue. I left early for her to make sure that I'd get to spend the entire visiting time with her. I was half an hour early so I drove around a little bit and also stopped into Checkers and bought her a champ burger and small fries. I figured I probably wouldn't be able to sneak it in, but I wanted to give it a try.
They ended up taking the bag from me up front. They then took us through a series of locked doors and a metal detector. She had asked me to bring her a book and we decided on Cujo by Stephen King. When we finally made it in they asked us each who we were here to see. I told them Sharice Brown and then looked up to see her standing right there in the visiting room doorway. She looked really good. We went inside and sat down and did some quick catching up. I told her about the Checkers food and she was glad that I at least tried. She told me that she is supposed to get out on Monday and we joked that I could leave the food at the front desk for her until then!
She hadn't been able to shave since she first entered the hospital and her legs are getting rather stubbly. We were joking around about that. She was telling me that even though she wasn't nuts going in, she thinks she'll go insane if she has to be in there much longer. She says it's so boring and weird being around the true crazies. She said once to those baby blue puppy eyes, referring to mine. I made true puppy eyes and actually made her blush. It was really cute and she said that she's going to start calling me Puppy Eyes when she calls!
We held hands as we sat there together. She expressed some of her concerns a little bit trying to find out if I truly am going to stay true to her. Christina was talking before about how Shar¡ won't be ready for another serious relationship for a long time, and she said something to the same effect once a long ways back. I think that the responsibility that she is learning at Baylife and is taking from her father is going to cause a change in that. It seems, hopefully, that she's going to figure out that a commitment, however small, will be the best thing for both her and Cord. I'll just have to wait and see.
We were joking around again about her working for me in my own practice later on in life. She said that it'd be really cool to be so close to me all of the time! We were joking that Christina can be our paramedic and we made up a situation where we'll send her on a call two hundred miles away to get her out of our hair. It was funny.
She adjusted her rings and I jokingly adjusted mine drawing her attention to it. She was pretending that she was going to take it off, but I wouldn't let her. She commented that I'm really attached to the thing and I agreed. She told me that she wants to wear it to make sure that I'll come back to her after my vacation. I told her that I couldn't do that because I want o prove to her that I want to come back to be with her, not just to get back my ring!!! She was very impressed with my point and she laughed that I have a talent for getting out of anything by saying the right things. A few minutes later she tried to be witty, too, and told me that she wants to wear the ring so that she'll think of me every time she sees it. I gave her puppy dog eyes and asked her if that meant that she wouldn't think of me if Shar¡ I don't give her the ring! She laughed as she quickly realized her implications and once again I slipped right by her. It was quite funny. I asked her later about her true feelings on me coming back and she said that she has faith that I will.
We talked quite a bit more and the time just flew by. She said that it seemed to drag on when her dad was there and was amazed at how quickly the time went by. She was stealing me one time about their hectic schedule in the morning. After a while she said that they get to take their first smoking break. I said that must be the highlight of her morning, but she said no. She told me that comes later when she finally gets to call my phone number. That was sweet and she knows how to kiss ass, too! Before long, they kicked all of us visitors out as Shar¡ and I hugged and kissed goodbye. I walked out backwards keeping eye contact with her the whole way until I finally motioned for her to go and she smiled and turned away.
She called me back at 8:30 and we talked for a while. She told me that she's already read about twenty-five pages of Cujo and thinks it's a really good book. She forgot to ask for Puppy Eyes when she called so she made me hang up and let my sister answer the phone again! When I answered I told her that he wasn't here. She laughed and asked if he's not, and I said no, that my eyes have faded since I won't be seeing her for a week. It was sweet. She told me that there is a guy there who I saw who swears he is buying a car and then going swimming tomorrow. He keeps asking Shar¡ if she wants to come along and she just laughs. He asked her today if I am her boyfriend and she told him that you could say that. She then said that it'll get him out of her hair. I pouted and asked if she just said that to get rid of him, and she said not necessarily...
Thursday, July 29, 1993
July 29, 1993 - Thursday - Being there for her!!!
Well, Shar¡ has been the center of my attention lately. I've tried to spend as much time as possible with her at the hospital. Christina and I decided to go back over to see Shar¡ on Tuesday after I got off of work I was supposed to call her when I got off so she could meet me there. I went in to work half an hour early because I knew that Ron Jones was there and I ended up telling him all that had happened. We talked about the accidents and deaths that have happened in our families and lives for quite a while. I figured he'd be a really cool one to talk to, and I was right. Laura was being a worthless cunt and wouldn't trade Mamba for the bumper cars. Ron quickly trained me and I went into it with a good attitude. I ended up getting screwed out of my second person all day long and had to do everything by myself.
Time flew by pretty fast since I had never ran the ride before. I got a phone call from Lewanda at about four and she told me that I was supposed to go to room 544 in the University Community Hospital after work. That was good news because I knew it meant Shar¡ had been transferred out of intensive care and was doing better. When 5:30 came, Steve called me and asked if I could stay until six. I said no, and told him why. He asked if five minutes would hurt and I said no. He ended up leaving me at the fucking bumper cars until 5:55 and I really thought that the visiting hour was over at six. I tried to call him but he took forever to call me back. Fucking asshole!!! When Laura came to relieve me I ran to my car and left.
It turned out, very fortunately, that she has open visiting hours until the hospital closes at eight. I just walk in and never have to check in with any desk or nurse. I walked into the room and she was asleep. She was being watched at the time by this young black guy. I told him not wake her up yet. He told me that Christina had been there about forty-five minutes earlier. We started talking about me being pre med and about him planning on going back to school to be an architect. He said that he's going to college through the Air Force. We talked about the good places to live to work in the medical field and about a lot of other stuff. He went to Mardi gras last year and we talked about that and how it will be horrible if New Orleans gets washed out by the Mississippi flood.
I already felt bad for not getting Shar¡ any flowers. While we were talking, a man from downstairs delivered two huge bouquets each with a big foil balloon. I told him that I'd be back and I went downstairs. I found a very pretty arrangement that I really liked. It didn't have any of those tiny flowers that I hate. I like things bigger and simpler. The woman at the cash register said that it was very pretty and that it must have just been put in there because she hadn't seen it before. I wrote down on the card that I just wanted her to know that I'm always thinking about her. There was a woman buying M&Ms behind me and we were all talking for a minute. I was still wearing my Busch Gardens uniform and they got all excited because University Community Hospital just had a night function at Busch and they had gone. I had hoped to talk to some of the nurses about that.
I went back to the fifth floor and she was awake when I walked in. She seemed glad to see me. She told me that the man told her that a guy was here to see her and she asked him to describe me. When he said that I was from Busch Gardens she knew instantly who it was. I gave her my flowers and she thought the note was really sweet. The woman who was just downstairs buying M&Ms came in and took over Shar¡'s watch., She was all happy that out of the entire hospital, we ended up in the same room. It was funny. Shar¡ and I talked for quite a while and were holding hands the entire time. She felt funny because she was in the thin cotton nightgown with no underwear on. I told her that there was nothing wrong with that. She quickly found out that I knew exactly what had happened. She told me she has a knot on her chest where they pumped her stomach out. She also still had the IV needle plugged into her hand for easy medication delivery.
Her uncle, John, and his girlfriend Melanie showed up for a little while. They were the other two from that night at Tally Hos. We all shook hands and said that it was good to see each other again. they were looking at the flowers and saw the ones I had brought for her. John brought her a Whitman's sampler and she was really glad to have food besides that nasty hospital stuff. A cousin of hers named Rachel showed up with her husband, Bubba, and her two year old son. Rachel is pretty cute, not sexy cute like Shar¡, though. We all talked for a long time but I was being kind of quiet. I said that it was because I had just met everybody. Melanie made a list of things to bring Shar¡ like shampoo and other essentials. She started preaching for a few minutes about how God was with Shar¡ and how she's starting out all over again with a clean slate. I could tell that Shar¡ was thinking that Melanie was just spitting out shit, because she was. When they left, we all said goodbye and Melanie and john said that they'll be seeing me.
I kept measuring the amount of time I had stayed by the number of times she had peed. She kept getting thirsty so I'd run right outside and get her these little cups of juice or a can of soda. I always opened them for her and poured them into a cup for her. She shared a lot though and was hand feeding me chocolate every once in a while. It got later and later but she really wanted me to stay. Ed, the Air Force guy said that as long as a visitor isn't causing any problems, they won't ever come and kick you out of the room when the hospital closes. That was really cool. I ended up staying until ten, for a total of four hours. I had a really good time and tried to make it clear that I really wanted to be there with her. We kissed good night slipping a little tongue in. I had an extremely weird feeling that I was kissing a girl that shouldn't be alive right then. It made me really think for a while what I would have done and thought if she had died. I turned out her lights and shut the door. I talked to the nurses outside of her door for a second before leaving. Shar¡'s had gone outside for most of the time we were in there which was really cool.
Wednesday was Chrissy's birthday. Shar¡ called me in the morning about nine and we talked for a little while. I told her that I was going to make Chrissy a cake and then I'd come over to see her. I took her a pair of Gator boxing shorts but they ended up being too big around her waist. I teased her with her cigarettes that I still have in my bookbag because she isn't allowed to smoke in the hospital. We talked for a long time and then I watched her eat lunch. We kept joking about the food and all. It was funny. She thought that she would be transferred to Baylife sometime that day, but it never happened. They were still waiting for blood test results before they'd release her.
She really wanted to take a walk, and had for quite some time. We asked the nurse and she said that she could because they wanted to see if she could walk well enough before they transferred her. She said that she had some errands to run first, but she came back pretty soon. She brought Shar¡ a pair of non-slip booties that were really cute. We all walked once around the entire South wing. I ran into a clipboard on the wall once and the nurse jokingly made fun of me until she ran into a giant food cart. After she had seen that Shar¡ was well enough to walk, she said we could continue as long as she wanted to. We walked together and talked three more times around the wing by ourselves. We held hands parts of the time. I was really glad to be the one there with her on her first walk. We talked about the fact that I was there when she first woke up, and now this.
The nurse from Tuesday night stopped by just to say hello and remembered me as well. There was a cuter ethnic girl talking to Shar¡'s current black nurse about Busch Gardens. I wasn't in uniform and ended up breaking into their conversation and they were all happy and were asking me stuff about Busch. It was funny. This happened while Shar¡ was taking a potty break.
She decided Tuesday night, and again on Wednesday that she wanted to wear my class ring. She put it on her middle finger and said that Christina would shit if she saw it on her finger. I only let her wear it until I left, though. She's been worried about losing her tan and breaking out. We each were pointing out each other's zits. I told her that it's because she keeps touching her face, and she took her hand and held my lower jaw, thus touching my face. She asked me if she shouldn't touch her face, and I said no, she shouldn't touch her face while she was squeezing my cheeks. It came out really funny and she thought it was really cute and kept wanting to do it. She kept teasing me and I joked that I don't know how to swim. It came out as `schwim,' and we started laughing. It was funny and I was really glad to see her laughing so sensuously and truly.
Her father walked in after one and we shook hands but he seemed not to want to. I offered him my chair but he didn't want it. He ended up standing looking out the window and at the two of us for about twenty minutes without saying barely a word. Shar¡ and I continued to joke around and talk, though. Rachel showed up not long before Shar¡'s mom brought Cord in. I gave her my seat. Shar¡ was really happy to see Cord and was playing with him on the bed. She brought her sister, Pat with her who instantly seemed to like me. I impressed her and Rachel by helping them turn on the air conditioner.
Shar¡'s parents told her that she'd been Baker acted and will be at Charter for at least 72 hours up to 28 days!!! Her mom told her that she hopes they do keep her the entire time. I wanted to tell the fucking bitch that she needs to be in there right along with her, but I kept quiet. I counseled Shar¡ later telling her to spill her guts right from the start to get out of there as quick as possible. I told her that there is no worse way to piss them off that not to answer their questions, because they'll get their answers no matter how long it takes. She understood and seems to have a pretty positive attitude about the whole thing.
Pat and Rachel were getting ready to walk down to the gift shop and then Shar¡'s mom told me that the family wants to spend time alone, thus kicking me out. I said a quick goodbye to Shar¡ and parted gracefully, saying goodbye to Cord. I caught up with Pat and Rachel and Rachel said that Ann told her that she was going to kick me out of there really soon. Fucking cunt. I then told Pat that her sister really hates me and quickly filled her in. Pat thinks her sister is amazingly stupid and said that she bitched her out for causing Shar¡ to attempt suicide that night. She told me she doesn't see why in the world Ann could possibly hate me and then told me not to worry about Ann, just as long as I make Shar¡ happy! that was very reassuring advice to me. We also talked about how fraudulent Shar¡'s suicide note sounded because she left Cord with Ann. We all know how much Shar¡ was dead set against her mother having Cord and I was damn surprised that her own sister and good friend would have such suspicions about her. We said goodbye and I was really glad to have made their friendships.
Well I ended up being with Shar¡ for three and a half hours this time. I then went to work and had lunch before starting in the Kumba. When I got home last night, she called me and told me that she is still there and hadn't been transferred yet. She said that she wished I would have called her from Busch Gardens so that I could have stopped in. So did I. We talked for a little while, though. She told me that if I hadn't already been there for a while today, she would have been really pissed at her mother for kicking me out.
I kind of hoped that Shar¡ would still be at the hospital today when I got off of work at 4:15. I was very optimistic turning down extra hours just for the chance to see her. Alan really needed me to stay, to, because he had three call ins and one previously open shift. After work, I called the hospital and was relieved when the nurse said she was still there and transferred my call to her room. Shar¡ was glad to hear that I was still at work when I called and asked if I was coming over to see her. I said yes and took off.
I walked in to find her eating dinner. Her IV needle was finally out and she was glad about that. She's been craving Checker's for quite a while and I debated long and hard on the way over whether or not to get her any. She kept trying to make me eat a big bit of her salad and I finally obliged. We took turns feeding each other grapes in the ancient style. That was cool. We joked that since she treated me to diner this time, it'll be my turn now. The nurse asked how long I'd be there and Shar¡ said probably until they came to take her away. The nurse then said she'd leave us to ourselves and left. That was nice. Shar¡ told me that her father asked her today why her mother kicked me out yesterday!!! She told me that he likes me but just doesn't show it. That's really great!!!
She was only halfway through eating when these two huge security guards came into the room with a wheelchair and said that it was time to go. They shut us in the room together to get her stuff together and say goodbye. We hugged long and hard and then kissed.
The entire trip downstairs, we were both pretty quiet. I could tel that she was scared but wasn't sure if she'd admit to it. On the first floor, they started to head off in the other direction and I stopped them, asking if I could quickly say goodbye. I told her that it was nice knowing her, but then took her hand. She told me once again that she'll call me, and then we parted. The black guard told me to take care which was the first time he had really talked. then they wheeled her away...
She and Christina called me later that night on three way. Shar¡ was still in the waiting room and I asked her if that waiting time counted on her 72 hours. She said it did. She had to hang up five minutes later when they came to take them all to the dining room. I talked to Christina for a few minutes about Shar¡. She told me that Shar¡ asked her if she thought I would have gone to her funeral if she had died... I'm not quite sure what she was implying. I also talked a little bit about Scott with her. It turns out that Shar¡ talked to him at one in the morning the night she took the pills!!! It turns out that she took them right after they talked and they had only been in her system for about twenty minutes when they found her and they had already packed that big of a punch! She's damn lucky to be alive!!!
Christina could tell that I was a little jealous of Scott. I mean, his telephone number had been sitting on a piece of paper by Shar¡'s telephone every time I went over. Christina told me that I have nothing to worry about because Shar¡ talks about me far more than she does about Scott, for they're just friends. I guess. Christina also told me that she called him from the hospital and he knew her room number and all, but never visited her once!!! Good!!! I always feared he might walk in on us. Actually, that would have been funny. So it's looking like my little hospital trips have paid off like I had hoped hey would!
Shar¡ called me collect from the payphone a little while later because she had no change. She said that's why she had Christina call me earlier so I wouldn't have to pay for it. She gave me the phone number there and I called her back about twenty minutes later. We talked almost half an hour. She said that there are a lot of nuts in there and she really feels that she doesn't belong. They told her that she'll probably get out of there pretty quick since it was her first action of the sort. She admitted to being scared when they were taking her away and said that I sounded like I thought she'd never call me again when we were parting. She also told the guys in the car as they drove by the Kumba that I work there. I laughed and asked her if they cared, and she said no. It was cute.
I still like the fact that I alone have been with her through every major change in her situation. I was there when she first woke up, through her first walk, and through her transfer off to the looney bin. She told me that she really wishes that I could be there to pick her up when she gets out of Charter. I reminded her that I'll probably be in Georgia when she gets out and she jokingly told me that she'd stay in until I get back if she had to.
Time flew by pretty fast since I had never ran the ride before. I got a phone call from Lewanda at about four and she told me that I was supposed to go to room 544 in the University Community Hospital after work. That was good news because I knew it meant Shar¡ had been transferred out of intensive care and was doing better. When 5:30 came, Steve called me and asked if I could stay until six. I said no, and told him why. He asked if five minutes would hurt and I said no. He ended up leaving me at the fucking bumper cars until 5:55 and I really thought that the visiting hour was over at six. I tried to call him but he took forever to call me back. Fucking asshole!!! When Laura came to relieve me I ran to my car and left.
It turned out, very fortunately, that she has open visiting hours until the hospital closes at eight. I just walk in and never have to check in with any desk or nurse. I walked into the room and she was asleep. She was being watched at the time by this young black guy. I told him not wake her up yet. He told me that Christina had been there about forty-five minutes earlier. We started talking about me being pre med and about him planning on going back to school to be an architect. He said that he's going to college through the Air Force. We talked about the good places to live to work in the medical field and about a lot of other stuff. He went to Mardi gras last year and we talked about that and how it will be horrible if New Orleans gets washed out by the Mississippi flood.
I already felt bad for not getting Shar¡ any flowers. While we were talking, a man from downstairs delivered two huge bouquets each with a big foil balloon. I told him that I'd be back and I went downstairs. I found a very pretty arrangement that I really liked. It didn't have any of those tiny flowers that I hate. I like things bigger and simpler. The woman at the cash register said that it was very pretty and that it must have just been put in there because she hadn't seen it before. I wrote down on the card that I just wanted her to know that I'm always thinking about her. There was a woman buying M&Ms behind me and we were all talking for a minute. I was still wearing my Busch Gardens uniform and they got all excited because University Community Hospital just had a night function at Busch and they had gone. I had hoped to talk to some of the nurses about that.
I went back to the fifth floor and she was awake when I walked in. She seemed glad to see me. She told me that the man told her that a guy was here to see her and she asked him to describe me. When he said that I was from Busch Gardens she knew instantly who it was. I gave her my flowers and she thought the note was really sweet. The woman who was just downstairs buying M&Ms came in and took over Shar¡'s watch., She was all happy that out of the entire hospital, we ended up in the same room. It was funny. Shar¡ and I talked for quite a while and were holding hands the entire time. She felt funny because she was in the thin cotton nightgown with no underwear on. I told her that there was nothing wrong with that. She quickly found out that I knew exactly what had happened. She told me she has a knot on her chest where they pumped her stomach out. She also still had the IV needle plugged into her hand for easy medication delivery.
Her uncle, John, and his girlfriend Melanie showed up for a little while. They were the other two from that night at Tally Hos. We all shook hands and said that it was good to see each other again. they were looking at the flowers and saw the ones I had brought for her. John brought her a Whitman's sampler and she was really glad to have food besides that nasty hospital stuff. A cousin of hers named Rachel showed up with her husband, Bubba, and her two year old son. Rachel is pretty cute, not sexy cute like Shar¡, though. We all talked for a long time but I was being kind of quiet. I said that it was because I had just met everybody. Melanie made a list of things to bring Shar¡ like shampoo and other essentials. She started preaching for a few minutes about how God was with Shar¡ and how she's starting out all over again with a clean slate. I could tell that Shar¡ was thinking that Melanie was just spitting out shit, because she was. When they left, we all said goodbye and Melanie and john said that they'll be seeing me.
I kept measuring the amount of time I had stayed by the number of times she had peed. She kept getting thirsty so I'd run right outside and get her these little cups of juice or a can of soda. I always opened them for her and poured them into a cup for her. She shared a lot though and was hand feeding me chocolate every once in a while. It got later and later but she really wanted me to stay. Ed, the Air Force guy said that as long as a visitor isn't causing any problems, they won't ever come and kick you out of the room when the hospital closes. That was really cool. I ended up staying until ten, for a total of four hours. I had a really good time and tried to make it clear that I really wanted to be there with her. We kissed good night slipping a little tongue in. I had an extremely weird feeling that I was kissing a girl that shouldn't be alive right then. It made me really think for a while what I would have done and thought if she had died. I turned out her lights and shut the door. I talked to the nurses outside of her door for a second before leaving. Shar¡'s had gone outside for most of the time we were in there which was really cool.
Wednesday was Chrissy's birthday. Shar¡ called me in the morning about nine and we talked for a little while. I told her that I was going to make Chrissy a cake and then I'd come over to see her. I took her a pair of Gator boxing shorts but they ended up being too big around her waist. I teased her with her cigarettes that I still have in my bookbag because she isn't allowed to smoke in the hospital. We talked for a long time and then I watched her eat lunch. We kept joking about the food and all. It was funny. She thought that she would be transferred to Baylife sometime that day, but it never happened. They were still waiting for blood test results before they'd release her.
She really wanted to take a walk, and had for quite some time. We asked the nurse and she said that she could because they wanted to see if she could walk well enough before they transferred her. She said that she had some errands to run first, but she came back pretty soon. She brought Shar¡ a pair of non-slip booties that were really cute. We all walked once around the entire South wing. I ran into a clipboard on the wall once and the nurse jokingly made fun of me until she ran into a giant food cart. After she had seen that Shar¡ was well enough to walk, she said we could continue as long as she wanted to. We walked together and talked three more times around the wing by ourselves. We held hands parts of the time. I was really glad to be the one there with her on her first walk. We talked about the fact that I was there when she first woke up, and now this.
The nurse from Tuesday night stopped by just to say hello and remembered me as well. There was a cuter ethnic girl talking to Shar¡'s current black nurse about Busch Gardens. I wasn't in uniform and ended up breaking into their conversation and they were all happy and were asking me stuff about Busch. It was funny. This happened while Shar¡ was taking a potty break.
She decided Tuesday night, and again on Wednesday that she wanted to wear my class ring. She put it on her middle finger and said that Christina would shit if she saw it on her finger. I only let her wear it until I left, though. She's been worried about losing her tan and breaking out. We each were pointing out each other's zits. I told her that it's because she keeps touching her face, and she took her hand and held my lower jaw, thus touching my face. She asked me if she shouldn't touch her face, and I said no, she shouldn't touch her face while she was squeezing my cheeks. It came out really funny and she thought it was really cute and kept wanting to do it. She kept teasing me and I joked that I don't know how to swim. It came out as `schwim,' and we started laughing. It was funny and I was really glad to see her laughing so sensuously and truly.
Her father walked in after one and we shook hands but he seemed not to want to. I offered him my chair but he didn't want it. He ended up standing looking out the window and at the two of us for about twenty minutes without saying barely a word. Shar¡ and I continued to joke around and talk, though. Rachel showed up not long before Shar¡'s mom brought Cord in. I gave her my seat. Shar¡ was really happy to see Cord and was playing with him on the bed. She brought her sister, Pat with her who instantly seemed to like me. I impressed her and Rachel by helping them turn on the air conditioner.
Shar¡'s parents told her that she'd been Baker acted and will be at Charter for at least 72 hours up to 28 days!!! Her mom told her that she hopes they do keep her the entire time. I wanted to tell the fucking bitch that she needs to be in there right along with her, but I kept quiet. I counseled Shar¡ later telling her to spill her guts right from the start to get out of there as quick as possible. I told her that there is no worse way to piss them off that not to answer their questions, because they'll get their answers no matter how long it takes. She understood and seems to have a pretty positive attitude about the whole thing.
Pat and Rachel were getting ready to walk down to the gift shop and then Shar¡'s mom told me that the family wants to spend time alone, thus kicking me out. I said a quick goodbye to Shar¡ and parted gracefully, saying goodbye to Cord. I caught up with Pat and Rachel and Rachel said that Ann told her that she was going to kick me out of there really soon. Fucking cunt. I then told Pat that her sister really hates me and quickly filled her in. Pat thinks her sister is amazingly stupid and said that she bitched her out for causing Shar¡ to attempt suicide that night. She told me she doesn't see why in the world Ann could possibly hate me and then told me not to worry about Ann, just as long as I make Shar¡ happy! that was very reassuring advice to me. We also talked about how fraudulent Shar¡'s suicide note sounded because she left Cord with Ann. We all know how much Shar¡ was dead set against her mother having Cord and I was damn surprised that her own sister and good friend would have such suspicions about her. We said goodbye and I was really glad to have made their friendships.
Well I ended up being with Shar¡ for three and a half hours this time. I then went to work and had lunch before starting in the Kumba. When I got home last night, she called me and told me that she is still there and hadn't been transferred yet. She said that she wished I would have called her from Busch Gardens so that I could have stopped in. So did I. We talked for a little while, though. She told me that if I hadn't already been there for a while today, she would have been really pissed at her mother for kicking me out.
I kind of hoped that Shar¡ would still be at the hospital today when I got off of work at 4:15. I was very optimistic turning down extra hours just for the chance to see her. Alan really needed me to stay, to, because he had three call ins and one previously open shift. After work, I called the hospital and was relieved when the nurse said she was still there and transferred my call to her room. Shar¡ was glad to hear that I was still at work when I called and asked if I was coming over to see her. I said yes and took off.
I walked in to find her eating dinner. Her IV needle was finally out and she was glad about that. She's been craving Checker's for quite a while and I debated long and hard on the way over whether or not to get her any. She kept trying to make me eat a big bit of her salad and I finally obliged. We took turns feeding each other grapes in the ancient style. That was cool. We joked that since she treated me to diner this time, it'll be my turn now. The nurse asked how long I'd be there and Shar¡ said probably until they came to take her away. The nurse then said she'd leave us to ourselves and left. That was nice. Shar¡ told me that her father asked her today why her mother kicked me out yesterday!!! She told me that he likes me but just doesn't show it. That's really great!!!
She was only halfway through eating when these two huge security guards came into the room with a wheelchair and said that it was time to go. They shut us in the room together to get her stuff together and say goodbye. We hugged long and hard and then kissed.
The entire trip downstairs, we were both pretty quiet. I could tel that she was scared but wasn't sure if she'd admit to it. On the first floor, they started to head off in the other direction and I stopped them, asking if I could quickly say goodbye. I told her that it was nice knowing her, but then took her hand. She told me once again that she'll call me, and then we parted. The black guard told me to take care which was the first time he had really talked. then they wheeled her away...
She and Christina called me later that night on three way. Shar¡ was still in the waiting room and I asked her if that waiting time counted on her 72 hours. She said it did. She had to hang up five minutes later when they came to take them all to the dining room. I talked to Christina for a few minutes about Shar¡. She told me that Shar¡ asked her if she thought I would have gone to her funeral if she had died... I'm not quite sure what she was implying. I also talked a little bit about Scott with her. It turns out that Shar¡ talked to him at one in the morning the night she took the pills!!! It turns out that she took them right after they talked and they had only been in her system for about twenty minutes when they found her and they had already packed that big of a punch! She's damn lucky to be alive!!!
Christina could tell that I was a little jealous of Scott. I mean, his telephone number had been sitting on a piece of paper by Shar¡'s telephone every time I went over. Christina told me that I have nothing to worry about because Shar¡ talks about me far more than she does about Scott, for they're just friends. I guess. Christina also told me that she called him from the hospital and he knew her room number and all, but never visited her once!!! Good!!! I always feared he might walk in on us. Actually, that would have been funny. So it's looking like my little hospital trips have paid off like I had hoped hey would!
Shar¡ called me collect from the payphone a little while later because she had no change. She said that's why she had Christina call me earlier so I wouldn't have to pay for it. She gave me the phone number there and I called her back about twenty minutes later. We talked almost half an hour. She said that there are a lot of nuts in there and she really feels that she doesn't belong. They told her that she'll probably get out of there pretty quick since it was her first action of the sort. She admitted to being scared when they were taking her away and said that I sounded like I thought she'd never call me again when we were parting. She also told the guys in the car as they drove by the Kumba that I work there. I laughed and asked her if they cared, and she said no. It was cute.
I still like the fact that I alone have been with her through every major change in her situation. I was there when she first woke up, through her first walk, and through her transfer off to the looney bin. She told me that she really wishes that I could be there to pick her up when she gets out of Charter. I reminded her that I'll probably be in Georgia when she gets out and she jokingly told me that she'd stay in until I get back if she had to.
Tuesday, July 27, 1993
July 27, 1993 - Tuesday - Shari wakes up in ICU!!!
Christina called me last night at eight and said that her mother was going to take her to the hospital to try and see Shar¡. I was just finishing up cooking my diner and told her to call back when she was leaving. I hurried and ate and then was read to go by 8:20. The hospital ICU last visiting hour was at nine and we decided to meet in front of the hospital's main entrance. By that time I had told my family everything about Shar¡'s condition, except for the actual fact that she overdosed on purpose. They really tried to get me to tell them but I told them that I wasn't ready to tell them until I had dealt with it myself.
I pulled up as Christina and her parents were walking up. We had to then drive around to the emergency entrance because the main hospital closes at 8:30. Christina signed in for the four of us and we worked our way up to the ICU on the third floor. We walked in to the waiting room to find Shar¡'s grandmother and father, Ernie, in the waiting room. At nine, Ernie and Christina walked to Shar¡'s room and she came back to tell us that Shar¡ had waken up! She would open her eyes periodically but would then roll them and fall quickly back to sleep. Her grandmother went to see her. When she was still here she was telling Christina's parents about what had happened. I was really interested and memorized every detail. She said that Ann came home to find Shar¡ face down on her pillow and started screaming for her to wake up. Cord woke up and got hysterical as Ann called 911. I then asked her about Cord and she seemed eager to tell me how he felt and I was glad that she trusted me enough to talk about the subject with me.
I then was talking to Christina and her parents and they all fully agree that it is entirely Ann's fault that Shar¡ snapped. We talked about that for a few more minutes. At 9:20 they came out of Shar¡'s room and told us that she had fallen back asleep and it was probably best to leave her be. Christina really wanted me to at least get a glimpse of Shar¡, so she called the nurse in ICU and asked if we could go back there. I was really nervous and though I would have been content just with the information alone, and finding out that she was going to eventually be OK. I was also afraid that Shar¡ would be mad at me for some reason for showing up, possibly ashamed of what she had done.
When we saw her, I couldn't say anything but hi to her at first. Christina did all of the talking for a few minutes, but then I moved around to the front. She slowly lifted her hand out from under her sheets and took mine. We held hands the remainder of my visit and talked quite a bit. I was surprised that she was so alert. She kept wanting me to stay but our visiting time was almost up, but I promised to come back and she said she wanted me to. Christina told me later that the reason why she tried so hard to get me in there is because Shar¡ really cares about me and she figured that she would really want to see me.
I pulled up as Christina and her parents were walking up. We had to then drive around to the emergency entrance because the main hospital closes at 8:30. Christina signed in for the four of us and we worked our way up to the ICU on the third floor. We walked in to the waiting room to find Shar¡'s grandmother and father, Ernie, in the waiting room. At nine, Ernie and Christina walked to Shar¡'s room and she came back to tell us that Shar¡ had waken up! She would open her eyes periodically but would then roll them and fall quickly back to sleep. Her grandmother went to see her. When she was still here she was telling Christina's parents about what had happened. I was really interested and memorized every detail. She said that Ann came home to find Shar¡ face down on her pillow and started screaming for her to wake up. Cord woke up and got hysterical as Ann called 911. I then asked her about Cord and she seemed eager to tell me how he felt and I was glad that she trusted me enough to talk about the subject with me.
I then was talking to Christina and her parents and they all fully agree that it is entirely Ann's fault that Shar¡ snapped. We talked about that for a few more minutes. At 9:20 they came out of Shar¡'s room and told us that she had fallen back asleep and it was probably best to leave her be. Christina really wanted me to at least get a glimpse of Shar¡, so she called the nurse in ICU and asked if we could go back there. I was really nervous and though I would have been content just with the information alone, and finding out that she was going to eventually be OK. I was also afraid that Shar¡ would be mad at me for some reason for showing up, possibly ashamed of what she had done.
When we saw her, I couldn't say anything but hi to her at first. Christina did all of the talking for a few minutes, but then I moved around to the front. She slowly lifted her hand out from under her sheets and took mine. We held hands the remainder of my visit and talked quite a bit. I was surprised that she was so alert. She kept wanting me to stay but our visiting time was almost up, but I promised to come back and she said she wanted me to. Christina told me later that the reason why she tried so hard to get me in there is because Shar¡ really cares about me and she figured that she would really want to see me.
Monday, July 26, 1993
July 26, 1993 - Monday - Not til death do we part
Stupid little fucking bitch had to go and make the biggest fucking mistake she possibly could!!!
Shar¡ called me last night right after I got home from work. I told her that I had just walked in the door and she laughed that she must have ESP. We talked for a little while about what day I should put in as my last day of work. I asked if I should take a couple of days off before I leave. She said yes and I asked her why. She told me so that I could spend them with her. I felt special that she actually said so herself without any coaxing. She had to go for a few minutes and I told her to give me five before calling me back so I could ask my parents when the best day would be. We decided on Friday the 13th!, which is a really cool last day. That would give me Saturday through Monday off and then I would go up on Tuesday.
When Shar¡ called I told her what was up. She was talking about a trash can party she is invited to on Saturday. She told me that if I wasn't going away to Georgia, then I could go with her! I said that maybe we won't leave until Sunday morning and then I'd love to go with her. She laughed about what my mom would think if she brought me home drunk as it was time to go on a trip! Christina just told me that Shar¡ invited her to that same party. Shar¡ had to get off the phone at 7:45 because she was going over to this guy Curt's apartment across the street. Her mom pretty much kicked her out and he needs a roommate. She was ready to move in within a couple of days and she was telling me all about what she has to pay and how she'll come up with the rent. The three of us (Christina) had already been talking about it last night and Christina joked that now she can get fucked anytime she wants to. She told her that she is full of shit and reassured me later that she doesn't want a thing to do with him. She said that her brother already said to her that he'll kick Curt's ass if Curt tries anything with her. She also had to pick up Cord and the babysitter's and said she'd call me back in an hour at about nine.
I went to sleep and talked to her at ten when she called back. Christina had called at nine looking for her because Shar¡'s mom had called her because she couldn't find Shar¡ anywhere. I told Christina what Shar¡ was up to and she asked if I'd tell Shar¡ to call her when she got back. Shar¡ asked me pretty soon what time I had to be at work in the morning. I told her that I worked the 7:30 Kumba shift and said that means a 6:00 wake up. I told her that I work until four and she said that she works from four until about nine. She said that she'd call me as soon as she got home from work. She said that she was going to let me go back to sleep so I wouldn't be too tired in the morning. I asked her about the apartment and she told me that it was OK and told me a couple of things about it. I don't remember what else, though. I think I remember her saying that she promised to call me back, and said that she did.
When I got home, there was a message from Christina that there was an emergency concerning Shar¡, and to call her. She told me that she isn't supposed to tell anybody, but for me she was going to. She said that last night at ten, Shar¡ put Cord to sleep and then purposely overdosed on some kind of pills! She heard all of this from Shar¡'s mother who called Christina today. Her mom said that she left a suicide letter and had apparently knew what she was doing because her mom wasn't supposed to come home until really late that night. When she did at 1:30, she called 911 and they took Shar¡ to the University Community Hospital. She's in the intensive care unit, now, and only immediately family can talk to her.
Christina called the hospital while I was on the phone and they confirmed Shar¡'s existence but wouldn't give out any information. Otherwise, I would have had my optimistic doubts. Christina and I talked for quite a while and just couldn't understand why in the world that could happen!!! She loved Cord more than anything and the last thing she wanted was to let her mom take him away from her. She had to of known that doing this would give him right to her!!! It's also weird to know that I was probably the last person she talked to. She did seem kind of hazy when she was talking but it didn't sound like she was tired. We had talked the night before until she almost had fallen asleep, so I know how she sounds. Christina said that maybe she had already overdosed when she called me. I really want to know what she was feeling after the fact as she laid there in bed. She did intend to follow through because she never tried to through up. They said if her mom had come home when she was supposed to, then Shar¡ would definitely be dead.
I really want to go and see her tonight. I told Christina that I would probably strangle her wanting to know what the fuck she was thinking. But I know that's the last thing she would need. I told her that I didn't know if I'd be able to make it in to see her even if I got there. The emotion might be too overwhelming and I might be afraid of what I'd find out from what she'd say. Christina told me that may be so but she'd probably be the one who want's to see me. I don't know.
It's stange how I seemed to know that something was going to drive the two of us apart. Or at least cause us not to be together as much anymore. I was joking with Laura all day and seemed to almost win her back. I was giving her the impression that Shar¡ and I are almost through. We were hugging each other and were holding hands for quite a while as she was gently pulling me to come with her even though she knew I had to go the other way. She got a little testy with me once and said something about me deceiving her. I asked if I had truly ever deceived her, and she said yes. I immediately said, `Besides that!' and really think that we were both referring to Shar¡! It seems so weird now.
Shar¡ called me last night right after I got home from work. I told her that I had just walked in the door and she laughed that she must have ESP. We talked for a little while about what day I should put in as my last day of work. I asked if I should take a couple of days off before I leave. She said yes and I asked her why. She told me so that I could spend them with her. I felt special that she actually said so herself without any coaxing. She had to go for a few minutes and I told her to give me five before calling me back so I could ask my parents when the best day would be. We decided on Friday the 13th!, which is a really cool last day. That would give me Saturday through Monday off and then I would go up on Tuesday.
When Shar¡ called I told her what was up. She was talking about a trash can party she is invited to on Saturday. She told me that if I wasn't going away to Georgia, then I could go with her! I said that maybe we won't leave until Sunday morning and then I'd love to go with her. She laughed about what my mom would think if she brought me home drunk as it was time to go on a trip! Christina just told me that Shar¡ invited her to that same party. Shar¡ had to get off the phone at 7:45 because she was going over to this guy Curt's apartment across the street. Her mom pretty much kicked her out and he needs a roommate. She was ready to move in within a couple of days and she was telling me all about what she has to pay and how she'll come up with the rent. The three of us (Christina) had already been talking about it last night and Christina joked that now she can get fucked anytime she wants to. She told her that she is full of shit and reassured me later that she doesn't want a thing to do with him. She said that her brother already said to her that he'll kick Curt's ass if Curt tries anything with her. She also had to pick up Cord and the babysitter's and said she'd call me back in an hour at about nine.
I went to sleep and talked to her at ten when she called back. Christina had called at nine looking for her because Shar¡'s mom had called her because she couldn't find Shar¡ anywhere. I told Christina what Shar¡ was up to and she asked if I'd tell Shar¡ to call her when she got back. Shar¡ asked me pretty soon what time I had to be at work in the morning. I told her that I worked the 7:30 Kumba shift and said that means a 6:00 wake up. I told her that I work until four and she said that she works from four until about nine. She said that she'd call me as soon as she got home from work. She said that she was going to let me go back to sleep so I wouldn't be too tired in the morning. I asked her about the apartment and she told me that it was OK and told me a couple of things about it. I don't remember what else, though. I think I remember her saying that she promised to call me back, and said that she did.
When I got home, there was a message from Christina that there was an emergency concerning Shar¡, and to call her. She told me that she isn't supposed to tell anybody, but for me she was going to. She said that last night at ten, Shar¡ put Cord to sleep and then purposely overdosed on some kind of pills! She heard all of this from Shar¡'s mother who called Christina today. Her mom said that she left a suicide letter and had apparently knew what she was doing because her mom wasn't supposed to come home until really late that night. When she did at 1:30, she called 911 and they took Shar¡ to the University Community Hospital. She's in the intensive care unit, now, and only immediately family can talk to her.
Christina called the hospital while I was on the phone and they confirmed Shar¡'s existence but wouldn't give out any information. Otherwise, I would have had my optimistic doubts. Christina and I talked for quite a while and just couldn't understand why in the world that could happen!!! She loved Cord more than anything and the last thing she wanted was to let her mom take him away from her. She had to of known that doing this would give him right to her!!! It's also weird to know that I was probably the last person she talked to. She did seem kind of hazy when she was talking but it didn't sound like she was tired. We had talked the night before until she almost had fallen asleep, so I know how she sounds. Christina said that maybe she had already overdosed when she called me. I really want to know what she was feeling after the fact as she laid there in bed. She did intend to follow through because she never tried to through up. They said if her mom had come home when she was supposed to, then Shar¡ would definitely be dead.
I really want to go and see her tonight. I told Christina that I would probably strangle her wanting to know what the fuck she was thinking. But I know that's the last thing she would need. I told her that I didn't know if I'd be able to make it in to see her even if I got there. The emotion might be too overwhelming and I might be afraid of what I'd find out from what she'd say. Christina told me that may be so but she'd probably be the one who want's to see me. I don't know.
It's stange how I seemed to know that something was going to drive the two of us apart. Or at least cause us not to be together as much anymore. I was joking with Laura all day and seemed to almost win her back. I was giving her the impression that Shar¡ and I are almost through. We were hugging each other and were holding hands for quite a while as she was gently pulling me to come with her even though she knew I had to go the other way. She got a little testy with me once and said something about me deceiving her. I asked if I had truly ever deceived her, and she said yes. I immediately said, `Besides that!' and really think that we were both referring to Shar¡! It seems so weird now.