Stupid little fucking bitch had to go and make the biggest fucking mistake she possibly could!!!
Shar¡ called me last night right after I got home from work. I told her that I had just walked in the door and she laughed that she must have ESP. We talked for a little while about what day I should put in as my last day of work. I asked if I should take a couple of days off before I leave. She said yes and I asked her why. She told me so that I could spend them with her. I felt special that she actually said so herself without any coaxing. She had to go for a few minutes and I told her to give me five before calling me back so I could ask my parents when the best day would be. We decided on Friday the 13th!, which is a really cool last day. That would give me Saturday through Monday off and then I would go up on Tuesday.
When Shar¡ called I told her what was up. She was talking about a trash can party she is invited to on Saturday. She told me that if I wasn't going away to Georgia, then I could go with her! I said that maybe we won't leave until Sunday morning and then I'd love to go with her. She laughed about what my mom would think if she brought me home drunk as it was time to go on a trip! Christina just told me that Shar¡ invited her to that same party. Shar¡ had to get off the phone at 7:45 because she was going over to this guy Curt's apartment across the street. Her mom pretty much kicked her out and he needs a roommate. She was ready to move in within a couple of days and she was telling me all about what she has to pay and how she'll come up with the rent. The three of us (Christina) had already been talking about it last night and Christina joked that now she can get fucked anytime she wants to. She told her that she is full of shit and reassured me later that she doesn't want a thing to do with him. She said that her brother already said to her that he'll kick Curt's ass if Curt tries anything with her. She also had to pick up Cord and the babysitter's and said she'd call me back in an hour at about nine.
I went to sleep and talked to her at ten when she called back. Christina had called at nine looking for her because Shar¡'s mom had called her because she couldn't find Shar¡ anywhere. I told Christina what Shar¡ was up to and she asked if I'd tell Shar¡ to call her when she got back. Shar¡ asked me pretty soon what time I had to be at work in the morning. I told her that I worked the 7:30 Kumba shift and said that means a 6:00 wake up. I told her that I work until four and she said that she works from four until about nine. She said that she'd call me as soon as she got home from work. She said that she was going to let me go back to sleep so I wouldn't be too tired in the morning. I asked her about the apartment and she told me that it was OK and told me a couple of things about it. I don't remember what else, though. I think I remember her saying that she promised to call me back, and said that she did.
When I got home, there was a message from Christina that there was an emergency concerning Shar¡, and to call her. She told me that she isn't supposed to tell anybody, but for me she was going to. She said that last night at ten, Shar¡ put Cord to sleep and then purposely overdosed on some kind of pills! She heard all of this from Shar¡'s mother who called Christina today. Her mom said that she left a suicide letter and had apparently knew what she was doing because her mom wasn't supposed to come home until really late that night. When she did at 1:30, she called 911 and they took Shar¡ to the University Community Hospital. She's in the intensive care unit, now, and only immediately family can talk to her.
Christina called the hospital while I was on the phone and they confirmed Shar¡'s existence but wouldn't give out any information. Otherwise, I would have had my optimistic doubts. Christina and I talked for quite a while and just couldn't understand why in the world that could happen!!! She loved Cord more than anything and the last thing she wanted was to let her mom take him away from her. She had to of known that doing this would give him right to her!!! It's also weird to know that I was probably the last person she talked to. She did seem kind of hazy when she was talking but it didn't sound like she was tired. We had talked the night before until she almost had fallen asleep, so I know how she sounds. Christina said that maybe she had already overdosed when she called me. I really want to know what she was feeling after the fact as she laid there in bed. She did intend to follow through because she never tried to through up. They said if her mom had come home when she was supposed to, then Shar¡ would definitely be dead.
I really want to go and see her tonight. I told Christina that I would probably strangle her wanting to know what the fuck she was thinking. But I know that's the last thing she would need. I told her that I didn't know if I'd be able to make it in to see her even if I got there. The emotion might be too overwhelming and I might be afraid of what I'd find out from what she'd say. Christina told me that may be so but she'd probably be the one who want's to see me. I don't know.
It's stange how I seemed to know that something was going to drive the two of us apart. Or at least cause us not to be together as much anymore. I was joking with Laura all day and seemed to almost win her back. I was giving her the impression that Shar¡ and I are almost through. We were hugging each other and were holding hands for quite a while as she was gently pulling me to come with her even though she knew I had to go the other way. She got a little testy with me once and said something about me deceiving her. I asked if I had truly ever deceived her, and she said yes. I immediately said, `Besides that!' and really think that we were both referring to Shar¡! It seems so weird now.
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