May 24, 1994 - Tuesday - Missing Shari already...

I have a stupid little throat cold that gave me a headache and
laryngitis all day long. That was a bitch because I wasn't really in
the mood to flirt or anything.

I started out on button and once had this cute girl asking if
she could push it. I told her no because she's not trained on holding
up her thumb so she practiced with me which was kind of funny. Lisa
and Shannon were unloading and I thought it was cool to be seen
flirting in front of them but I didn't look to see what their
reactions were. There was another girl whom I could tell was looking
at me but was too shy to flirt outright. I started saying hi to her
and was opposite them later on the Skyride when she saw me and
exclaimed that, "There's the guy from Kumba!" There was another group
of three girls. One said hi and the other said that they wanted my
body which was cute.

I flirted with Angie down in the photo shop from height stick
which is cool. I just keep remembering how they eventually told me
how they liked me last year and wonder if it might reoccur. I also
was talking to a really cute little ten year old all about boys and
everything while her friend rode over and over again. It was really
cute and I was thinking about Cathleen the entire time. The girl told
me she has dated a boy who is twelve and one sixteen (pathetic!) and
was telling me all about her problems. It was really funny.

I was later talking to Shannon and asked and found out that her
little girl's name is Lauren which is very pretty. I realized I
should ask after finding out about Lisa from merchandising's baby
boy, Angelo. I also talked to Lisa, Shannon's friend kind of quickly
a few times and it sucked that I couldn't talk and yell across the
platform.

I have Meatloaf's Anything For Love song playing on the CD right
now and it has reminded me about Shar¡. Although this might not be
all together true, it just it's a very empty feeling to realize that
any chance with Shar¡ has been obliterated by her disappearance. It
completely closes the door on any trickle of feelings that still may
have existed for her. It also feels weird right now for me to look at
the pictures and it's been a while since I've had any desire to read
any of her letters. I like to do so to realize that every once in a
while I am actually accepted and wanted but it just makes me feel so
strange right now.

May 23, 1994 - Monday - Kristen's basketball sex

Shari seems to be gone for good this time. I called her up
tonight after getting the answering machine at Ashley's and I left my
name with the guy who answered. It was her brother Chad and he asked if she has called me lately because no one has heard from her for a
week and a half. I was stunned for a few seconds after I hung up and
I could feel my heart pounding in disbelief. I laughed to myself
about how my mother has been telling me to take Shari to small claims court to get my ring back.

I then gave Sarah a call. She got off the other line and started
telling me what has been going on. She just got dumped by this guy
for his real girlfriend whom he had said he was going to dump. They
were then all at Despaparados and she was there and he wouldn't have
anything to do with Sarah. She was about ready to cry and was really
confused about the whole thing. I then told her the story about Shari
and how I felt all along and she was amazed at how similar my
situation was and how I have experienced exactly what she is going
through. She kept saying that over and over while I was telling my
story and was saying that it all seems the same. I told her that guys
can go through that kind of stuff, too, but women don't think we do
and she disagreed that she knows better.

She was asking me how long it took me to get over Shari and I
picked out feelings that were similar to the ones I knew she was
having right then and told her about those. She agreed with a lot of
them. She wa telling me that she needs to find somebody new real
quick and wants it to be someone she can actually talk to and all
that. I wondered to myself if she considers what we're doing
"talking" because most guys aren't nearly as sympathetic as me. I
started telling her things like, if you get desperate enough, make
sure you always remember me! I was also plugging college guys for
being more mature and all that and she agreed that she wants to get
back into that.

I have a way of dragging things out of her that she normally
wouldn't tell a guy. She laughed once and I finally got the story
out. She told me that she will really miss the sex and then she
laughed really hard and wondered why she was telling me this. I just
told her she'll have to find somebody better (me!). She was saying
that she'll miss that part of him a lot. She kept wanting to call him
really bad and then I explained to her why she shouldn't so he won't
get annoyed with her since he obviously wants the other girl. She is
a virgin and has started birth control so I used my magic and without
cutting down the other guy, I explained the facts of life. She kept
saying that she wondered if he was just using her for sex and I told
her that he was probably because this girl wouldn't have sex with him
and now that she will he'll probably stay with her for good. She's
smart and agreed partially with the logic.

She was also saying that it's been a week and a half since she's
had sex and she's used to it weekly so she's going nuts. I told her
how long my hiatus has been, and then said I'll have to start going
over there after work if she needs me. It was funny. I then joked
that she'll have to resort to good old fashioned fingers and she
laughed really hard and said that she's resorted to her fingers on
various occasions but it's just not as good! She then said, at least
she's being honest and we both remarked on how good a trait that is.
I then said that I am picturing her in what she was wearing in
Gainesville using her fingers and she started yelling at me to stop
thinking about her doing that while laughing all the time. It was
great.

We then stated talking about Gainesville and I was telling her
all about how our new dorms will be and she really seemed to like
that and said tat she really wants to go back up there. We were also
reminiscing about her trip up there and she said it was horrible but
I said it was cool because she bought me lunch and we started
laughing about all that. She also said something about olive green
paint and I wondered what the hell she was talking about. I then
realized that she actually remembered how we had been picking through
the paint on the wall and found green and then complimented her on
her good memory. I also told her how I saw Amanda a few weeks ago and
she said that she knows which means they've been talking. I mentioned
Amanda's boyfriend who looks like a little boy and she laughed hard
and agreed perfectly!

I was also telling her about Georgia and the vacation we are
supposed to take up there pretty soon. She pretty much knows about
the area and would love to come along. We were talking about our
schooling as well and I was telling her how there is a doctor in Blue
Ridge who might be looking for a young assistant to take under his
wing. She is starting to be pessimistic about being a dentist and I
told her she can come be a nurse for me and she laughed. I then
changed it to she can be a partner and she liked that.

She had cheered up dramatically and she had said that I make her
laugh which is really good. She had said that she'll probably cry
about it when she goes to bed and has dead time just to think about
it. She then said that she doesn't like to cry in an extremely cute
little voice and I laughed and she said it a few more times. I
started laughing and told her that she could be in a no-tears shampoo
commercial and that was really funny. I ended our call although she
wanted to talk to me some more just because she has a habit of
sometimes cutting off our calls in midstream because of another call
and I didn't want to push my luck.

I did tell her if she needs to talk anymore to feel free to call
and she almost seemed surprised that I said that. She asked if I
meant it and then reminded me that I have volunteered if she does
start crying to me. It was cute. I told her I always play the
psychiatrist and then said it always good to take advantage of a girl
just after a break up and then we both laughed as I said I am just
being honest. That was a really cool talk.

I then tried calling Ashley again and she was home. She laughed
that she was thinking about me today and wondered if the bozo would
call or not and that she was going to wait for me to since my mom
says she calls too much! We laughed. She then told me what had
happened over the weekend. There is this big field out in Brandon
where all of the kids hang out on the weekends and on Friday night a
guy there pulled a gun and shot and killed one guy and injured two
others. The past was of the Martinez family who are extremely close
to Daniel Vargas' family so she was with them all weekend. Daniel is
on his way home as we spoke to attend the wake and the funeral with
her.

She then said that she has to do all of this and then go to
Jana's wedding this weekend. I told her to say hello to Laura for me
and to give my best to Jana and Jamey. She then told me that he mom
and Grandma are on a two week vacation to Hawaii and then her mom and
dad are going to play golf at Saddlebrook when she gets back. Must be
nice. She also told me that it was Daniel's little sister's
eighteenth birthday on Saturday as well which was basically ruined.
She also told me that she has heard of Erin Wilcox, but doesn't know
why, perhaps she also went to her church nativity. We talked a little
while longer before getting off the phone because I was getting tired
and have to go to work in the morning.

I've started having a wild time with Kristen. It started on
Saturday night at Chris' party which wasn't that great. I arrived
before he even did and the thing didn't start until an hour later
than it was supposed to. I helped them set up and met his two
Jamaican roommates, Francis and Ed. Some cool people started showing
up and I actually held a conversation with Debbie from Congo Rides.
I've known her since I worked at Flume and pooled at the bumper cars
once. That was cool. They finally brought a keg of Ice Draft and I
downed four small glasses pretty quickly. Kerri was there in a cool
black lace top and I talked to her for a few minutes. She brought her
sister and I asked for a show of animals which I got. It was quite
amusing. She has a dorky little boyfriend and I was extremely
unimpressed.

I had these two girls that were really cute try to get me to
join in and dance with them but I really wasn't in the mood. I also
kept talking to Karen all night which was cool. I also ran into her
on lunch in the breakroom and she talked to me about her and Ryan's
problems like I was her best friend or something. I am really glad I
brought her that one cup of ice water and get to know her before she
transferred to Congo because we probably would have never met then.

Finally Kristen showed up with her friend Julie form Beatty
Towers [snip]. She doesn't drink much if at all and also is
a people watcher who likes to hang out in a corner. I told her at
work today that I have only had a buzz once in my life and really
don't drink that much, if an effort to similarize myself to her. We
ended up joking around and hanging on each other, constantly
touching, all night long. I had a great time and made some perverted
jokes that she loved. They split at around midnight and I left about
fifteen minutes later after talking with Kevin and Mike for a few
minutes. I saw Dayanara once and she was with a guy but she gave me a
really surprised look when she figured out it was me.

Chris and I had partially been making fun of Kristen while we
were on the platform, although it was mainly him but I was laughing,
too. Fortunately I had an opportunity to make up with her as we were
both unloading for the last two hours. There were no supervisors
around and thus we played the entire time. It was cool because we
were doing so in front of people such as Lisa, Shannon's friend, and
Randy. I was making her laugh and crumple over hysterically quite
often and I liked that.

We were talking about sex quite often and it got extremely
interesting. The highlight of the evening was when we made a joke
about Ronnie and she said something about him joking about sex all of
the time. I asked if I didn't and she told me that I joke a lot
differently than Ronnie does implying that I am more mature and
probably sensuous about the way I do it. I told her that I got over
the phase he is in when I was in junior high and she liked that. I
joke around in a way that spotlights the girl I'm talking to and not
myself, and don't make it obvious that I'm hitting on them like he
does.

It partially started because I kept saying things that could be
taken completely seriously or extremely pervertedly and she learned
quick to do the later, sometimes to my surprise. It was amazing. She
then was trying to make baskets with the guests' basketballs, both
real and plush. She could make the soft ones in, but the hard ones
kept bouncing out. I commented that she's OK with the soft ones but
still needs practice with the hard ones and she loved that. I then
was explaining that sometimes even a hard one doesn't want to just
get tossed in right away, it too needs a little extra encouragement
and so forth. It was great!

At one point she was hugging one of the poles waiting for the
next coaster and looking at me really sensuously. I told her that
she's pretty affectionate with the pole and said it's because she
likes to hold on to things that are big referring to cuddling with a
guy rather than a penis but she took it wrong. We both really seemed
to be having a lot of fun. One of my favorite parts is that all of
this involves a lot of soft yet physical touching of each other and
we both are completely comfortable with doing so. We also will look
at each other extremely sensual and will sometimes have our faces
only inches apart. It's awesome!

She then got serious and was asking how much do I think she
actually knows. I told her that I don't know her that well but she's a
smart person and I know that I know she can figure a lot out on her
own. She then said that she can, but she still has a lot of
questions. I said that she can ask me anything she'd like whenever
she needs to and I'll try to explain them in terms of soft and hard
basketballs as best as possible, but she said not all things can be
explained with them......... I like her.

I also had a lot of fun hitting on Jennifer Sheppard on Sunday.
She just broke up with some guy but likes another who works on the
train. I was trying to convince her over to my side for a long time
and had her hanging all over me, too.

There was also the little girls today. One group of older ones
kept calling my name every time they went by and called me over to
the Bumper Cars' queue when I was walking to lunch. There was another
little group. One of the girls rode a few times before taking off her
shirt revealing her bikini top. I smiled and cheered and said how
happy I was because she was undressing and she laughed and told all
of her friends! Another of the little girls also complimented me on
my eyes!

And today was Cathleen's ninth birthday!!!

May 10, 1994 - Tuesday - Poetic trip, Tiger needs

from "Meeting" by Marie C. Stopes

At last!

We meet!

Hands touch and cling

Hearts vibrant sing

But silently, for lips are pressed.

I feel your breast

Throb on my beating heart,

I feel your knees

Tremble like aspens in a summer breeze.

by Anon

I find my love fishing

His feet in the shallows

We have breakfast together,

And drink beer.

I offer him the magic of my thighs

He is caught in the spell.

"Love remembered" by Mary-Jo Wilson

I remember love,

how could one quite forget

a twilight walk in misty rain

to laugh and come home wet.

I remember love,

hard we fought the reaper,

you smiled acceptance when he came,

still the cheerful dreamer.

I remember love,

it sits upon my lap

purring contentedly with life,

she knows you won't be back.

I remember love,

was you who taught me how,

make lasting memories, share a dream,

how much I'm grateful now.

"Perpetuum" by Danny Rowden

I dream of you each night:

I don't know why.

You'd think your haunting

Of my every waking moment

Would be sufficient.

by John Laws

I remember most

the times

when love was short

and memories were long.

And thus I have created a poetic compilation representative of
my emotional transgression through Shar¡. Rather interesting I must
say and completely sincere.

Abigail called me again last night at about nine thirty. She was
supposed to pick some guy up at work at eleven thirty because he
doesn't have a car and wanted something to do until then. I had just
finished eating and was ready to go to sleep so that I'd be well
rested for today at work so I declined. We started bullshitting and I
was complimenting her quite a bit and that progressed to some serious
conversation. I even thanked her for calling and she seemed so much
more happy with me when we parted than when she returned my call on
Saturday evening.

I still can't help but think how smart I am when I finally put
my mind to something. My excuse for core biology was that it is a lot
of memorization. Well I just made it through one of the greatest
memorization challenges that exist, art history under Dr. Stanley,
and that has made me realize that I can and will do well this fall in
all of my science classes including those with tremendous
memorization requirements. If I can start proving my worth to other
people now, it is sure to get me far.

Off to work I go... in a far more optimistic mood than
yesterday.

Work went pretty cool, I decided to just be talkative and mess
around all day. Shannon came in about the same time that I did and
got sent to platform despite a request for boardwalk. We didn't
really have a boardwalk position yet but Ryan had asked me to cover
the area once to make sure it was in good shape and then to go and
get Jamey from the wall so we could start on lunches. I went out
there and found the oaf answering the questions of two very tall and
very good looking girls both probably around twenty-two. I figured he
was sending them to Kumba so I hurried over to him and told him to
come with me so that we could walk with these girls and so I could
get in on the action. I figured they'd much rather talk to gorgeous
me than Elvis.

It turns out that the cuter girl was afraid of riding the ride
and so I was doing my best to subtly convince her that it would be
worth her trying the thing at least once. We talked all of the way up
to the entrance before heading up the exit to the platform. I noticed
that she was coming through the line but she ended up walking across
the coaster like I had told her she could. She said that she wanted
to see her friend do it once first. I told her that I could
understand a little kid being afraid to ride, but her? She laughed
and told me to shut up and then told me that she's just an old
married woman who's afraid of such things. Shit!!! But I knew that
she figured I'd probably go away once I found out but I proved that I
was being genuinely nice but continuing to talk with her and she
quickly regained her flirtatious attitude.

She ended up going and told me that it really was great fun but
she was really dizzy as she stumbled off. They reappeared at the end
of the day as I looked into the crowd to see her waving at me with a
big smile on her face. They rode twice, the second time in the front.
I joked that I swore she was once afraid to ride on the ride and we
laughed and she said that she really likes it now. That was their
last ride and they then took off.

I had the uneventful pleasure of working with Shannon on the
platform in the morning. We talked periodically, and I did nice
things like get her water and take the guests' articles to the box
for her, but neither of our attitudes were very exciting. I was
standing with her one time when I saw this gorgeous tan girl who was
tall and had what seemed like a perfect body. She was in tan shorts
and a hot pink tight nylon sport midriff top that showed off a
beautiful stomach. I said that she is cute and started the entire
time. Shannon laughed and said that I was drooling and then told
Melissa across at button what I was doing. I reasoned that I have
full rights to look at someone that good looking when they are so few
and far between. We chatted a little bit more before I got sent on
lunch.

I traveled to Crown Colony and got a couple of cheese pizzas and
headed back to the breakroom because Shannon was supposed to get her
lunch soon, too. She was there so I sat with her and we ate and
talked. I showed her my report card like I had wanted to the day
before and bragged. She's the only one I cared to show. I was on
platform later and was talking with Ronnie who wanted to know who the
women of choice are for me lately. I told him I like Kristen and
Briana because they are UF girls, but he said they both have
boyfriends. Shit... I'll have to work on Kristen a little bit
differently now. Fuck. I then said that if Shannon's circumstance was
only a little bit different referring to her boyfriend and he agreed,
talking about her kid. He also said she is too old which I strongly
protested. He said that she would wear me out because she likes sex
at least once a day. That was funny, so I told him about Leigh Anne
and he pieced that together with what I had already told him about
Shar¡, with her getting pregnant and all.

It was cool to get to talk to Ronnie for a change. Even better,
Paul has gone off to Timbuktu for good!!!!! That fucker sucked. I
joked around with Mike a lot today as well as we looked for potential
in almost every girl that walked by. He looks but quite scarcely
talks to them despite his decent looks. Of course I had to secretly
gloat as he saw me talking to various girls. The one in pink came
back with her friend and I saw them laugh and go out of their way
once to read my nametag. I then heard her friend tell her what my
name was. The friend then talked at me the next time they came around
which was pretty cool.

I got to work across from Melissa after my turn in the panel and
we ended up having a pretty cool time. We were joking around a lot
just like we used to and were touching each other to emphasize things
and were laughing a lot. I was glad. I had sent Shannon on her break
first because she was thirsty without her really asking me. I then
went and came back to be alongside her. We were playing around a lot
then and kept talking the entire time. That was really cool. She told
me how fat boy had slammed her hand with a harness and how she almost
(or did?) start screaming at him. When he got off, he came up into
booth with Mike and I and was getting all worried about how next
Saturday's night function would be staffed and we started making fun
of him and then were saying stuff like we should shut down the ride
because he was leaving and all. I joked so that he would laugh as
well, but we both instantly looked at each other when he left and
said that he is psychotic.

Shannon was telling me how much she wants a stuffed tiger and
how she and her boyfriend spent fifty dollars trying to win one. I
saw an airbrushed tag on the front of her car with her name and
Richard's. I thus dub Shannon's man Dick. So Dick didn't win her a
tiger. Somebody kept coming through and she kept eyeing their medium
tiger a lot. I would have asked them how much they'd sell it for if
they would have only come through one last time. She then told me
that someone had given her a stuffed animal once in the park and her
Dick bitched so she through it out the car window. I asked her if I
went and beat up those little kids and stole her a tiger, if she
would throw it away, too. She said no.

I've also remembered my gleam that I can make my eyes do and the
wonders it works with a little smile. I was flirting a lot and even
got an unexpected number of girls in opposing gondolas on the Skyride
to wave and say hi as I passed. It was cute. I'm getting into the
swing of things far earlier than I did last year.
Ashley just called and told me the horrible news of the
requirement that liberal arts and science majors must have a B or
better in the biology sequence classes. I only had a C+. Shit!!!
Ryan and Shannon were in the booth at closing and I went up
there to get my glasses and hang out in the air conditioning for a
few minutes. At closing Ryan said, "Go home assholes!" referring to
us. I told him about the British guy with an earring in both ears who
was waiting for us to find his hat. Shannon looked down and then at
me and told me to tell the guy to take his earring off and then we'll
get the faggot his hat!!! That was quite funny.

May 7, 1994 - Saturday - Shari was home!, Ashley

I know now that Shar¡ truly is a thing of the past. Could it be
because I talked to her for the first time since spring break a
little while ago, and had a decent friendly conversation, and the
excitement of meeting Shannon and relaying such a event to my journal
far outshone any thoughts about my old slut. I could have used the
word cunt as well, but both words are used as completely meaningless
in my attitude towards her now. I called her and she was finally
home, or at least she answered the phone because she was on the phone
with her dad. She quickly called me back but we didn't talk for too
long. She has Cord for the weekend and she put him on for a few
minutes and was then bragging about how well he is talking and doing,
despite him living with two deafs. She said that she got a job at the
Firestation as a waitress for a couple of weeks but quit.

I quickly told her I got her message a couple of weeks ago but
knew I was coming home and thus waited so I wouldn't have to pay to
talk to her. She was surprised that I am already working at Busch
Gardens and bitched when she realized I had been home for a week and
was only now calling her. She was glad to find out that Christina was
fired or "laid off" because everybody hates her rather than an
abundance of people existed. Christina got kicked out of her house by
her mom because she found a joint in her room and is now under pretty
strict quarantine by her dad which erases her from the picture.

She remembered that I had exams and seemed happy that I had done
so well. She gave me her beeper number: 226-9477, since I always
bitch that she is never home, and won't leave a message on her
machine. I told her to call me sometime because she knows where I am
and we said see ya.

I called Ashley on Wednesday night like I was supposed to and we
caught up kind of quick. She ended up never going out that Friday
night after her exams because she was entirely exhausted. That after
she had been saying all week how she was going to get trashed. She
said that she ended up just staring at the walls forever before
finally just passing out. She kind of likes her work and all and was
glad to hear that I got Kumba like I so dearly wanted. She was
babysitting five kids because her parents were throwing a dinner
party so she said she'd call me back on Thursday, or if she didn't it
meant she lost my number and to call her on Friday.

Well, she didn't but I decided to wait until Sunday because I
was exhausted. I worked this morning for a couple of hours moving
super heavy tables after a night function last night. I worked with
Chris, and Brian and Ryan took the other half. Puny Ronnie did the
chairs. We worked our asses off but finished pretty quick. Chris and
I then flirted with girls and rode the Kumba once after I shook hands
with Jennifer, met a couple of new girls, and said hi to Nilsa whom I
had talked to for quite a while yesterday about school and all which
was cool. We then headed out.

I had wanted to go trade my shorts in for a smaller pair, and go
to Adventure Island, but I was exhausted and just wanted to come home
and sleep and finish these journals before everything gets lost. What
was cool was when the phone rang, and Ashley was the voice who
answered back. She was surprised because I picked up the phone before
she even heard it ring because I was right there. We talked about
work and she said that Laura loves me for not telling Ronnie she
really was home for a few days. We then talked about grades and she
ended up with a B+ in religion that she was so worried about and I
congratulated her. She called me names because she only made a 3.56
but she has fifteen credits and thus made Dean's List.

I had to eat and I laughed because she always calls when I'm
getting ready to eat, so she concluded that I must eat all of the
time. I soon called her back but we didn't talk too long because she
was going to work out with her mother. she told me that sometime when
I have a weekend off we really have to go to the Dali museum which is
cool. She also said that she got a letter and card from Daniel and he
said some really sweet things in it that made her cry. I'm really
happy for her (but I can't explain why)! She did tell me how she had
gone to Daniel's house on Thursday because his dad had bitched at her
for not visiting them all week since she had been home. she then had
to bring Tisha to her house to work on scholarship applications
because her typewriter had broken. At 10:30 she remembered me and
said shit, she was supposed to call Dan, but didn't want to call so
late. I did tell her that she can call here any time until midnight
if she'd like because the phone's on my end of the house. We soon
said goodbye. She's such a sweetheart!!!

I've seen a lot of people I know at Busch in the past few days.
It's cool when I'm with somebody and everybody keeps saying hi to me.
It happened when I was with Shannon. Dave in food service, Karen from
the gift shops, and so forth. There were a ton of them and I felt
really special. It was a cool way for her to see right off that I am
accepted pretty much and well known which might have influenced her
opening up to me, at least subconsciously. It also happened when I
was walking around with Brian which was cool. I saw Sue Conefry and
her family the other day and said hi and she recognized me even
without hair. It's cool that we finally get along after all of these
years. I also was at control panel and heard someone screaming my
name and it was Amanda, Sarah's friend, but she was with her
boyfriend and another girl, but she looked much better now that she's
"developing."

March 30, 1994 - Wednesday - CA$H!!!, Shari's letter

March 30, 1994 - Wednesday
Voules vous coucher avec moi se soir?

Are you sleeping with me tonight?

This beautiful little phrase suddenly appeared on the blackboard in Turlington Monday night by the cunning hand of Ashley herself. I of course didn't have a clue as to what it meant and answered yes!!! She laughed and said no and then told me what it means. I thought to myself that my answer was indeed right!

Previously we had been recalling the various ways to say fuck and we came up with one for French, German, and a Hungarian version al la Maryanne. The whole conversation accrued from our negotiations over our schedules for next semester and how we can arrange them to be as similar as possible.



CCCCCC AAAAAA SSSSSS HH HH !! !! !!
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CC CC AA AA SS SS HH HH !! !! !!
CC AA AA SS HH HH !! !! !!
CC AAAAAAAAAA SSSSS HHHHHHHHHH !! !! !!
CC AA AA SS HH HH !! !! !!
CC CC AA AA SS SS HH HH !! !! !!
CC CC AA AA SS SS HH HH !! !! !!
CCCCCC AA AA SSSSSS HH HH .. .. ..

FINALLY!!!!! Financial aid looks to finally come through!!!

Now to add confusion to such beautiful and estatic times:


Dan, {Sometime around March 1st}

Hey it's me!!!! I finally went and bought some paper and got a
chance to sit down peacefully and write you. It's Sunday night, very
cold and I am sitting in my room writing in candle light burning a
"HOOTER" with Christy. She came over earlier and now her car won't
start, the battery is dead. I have to get up early tomorrow to do
laundry. (ya right) It will get done when I decide to get up. So what
do ya wanna do when you come down for spring break??? Hopefully I'll
have a baithing suite and it's hot enough to go to the beach so you
can get a nice tan and go back to Gainesville looking all hot and
sexy. Wait a minute you are supposed to look all hot and sexy down
here when you're with me. What's up with that shit????!!!! I'll just
look at the picture of you laying in bed all cozzey. I love that
picture it's my favorite one. With a tan you look fine as hell, but
I'll stop so I don't build your ego to much. Christy is sitting here
beging me to go to the store with her. That would mean get out of my
warm spot on the cusion bed that I have, and get out of my warm bed
clothes and go outside out of my warm apt. into the cold and freeze.
I don't think so, you are askeing the wrong chick. That's what I told
her. To top it all off it's 3:20 AM in the morning and I am stoned
and tired. She is sitting here chain smoking saying "Shari put on a
jacket and jeans and go to the store." She says "I'll buy you
anything you want." Anyway I was gonna call you today but I woke up
about 11:00 AM and sat around wakeing up till about 1 PM then I
started cleaning, moping, painting, hanging shit, dishes, any other
constructive thing I could find to do. The only thing I didn't do and
I never do is clean my room. It will get done one day, I went to see
my mom yesterday and she gave me a bunch of shit for me and Cord so it is a total wreck. Hey you know what??? We were comeing down Bush where that Honor bank is and a bunch of cops were there. There was a car with everything open and they were takeing pictures of it. Then later on that night I got home I saw on the news that someone got robed and shot. They were DOA punk!!! Well I am really tired so let me go and give me a call as soon as you get into town. Maybe this spring break you'll get more that you bargain for!!!

Love SharI {heart}
P.S. Write back before you leave okay
Good night Honey {underlined}

Good bye Honey..........

March 17, 1994 - Thursday - Spring break statistic!

Chris got a new very nice watch from Marty

Ed - What functions does it have...
Jon- Is it shock resistant, waterproof...
Roswitha - What special occasion was it...
Phil - Looks expensive...
Me - Must be nice.....

Chris told me how he had been doing a psychological experiment to see what everybody's individual responses would be and they all turned out to be so true to our personalities. As he told them to me, I wondered what I had said and figured mine wouldn't work but as soon as he reminded me what I had said, it was hilariously accurate and rather sad.

I've been laying out for two hours a day everyday and get complements everyday on how dark I am getting. I'm starting to look really good and I am really looking forward to the summer. Leigh Anne told me a little while ago that she really likes it when I wear blue shirts because they make my eyes really stand out. She then said that the blue green shirt that I wore today for St. Patrick's day made them more beautiful than she had ever seen before. That was cool. I've been having a renewed self confidence since spring break towards meeting new people. I have that look that I give the girls as I walk by and it amazes me how many will look back and smile or even say hi! It's funny when I am walking with Leigh Anne and a girl I have never seen before says hi to me. I love it.

Holly and HeidI were both laying out in the field today and I was in heaven. I had yet to see either one of them in a bikini and fell in love with both. Heidi has the most perfect body I have ever seen in my life!!! She has to be the closest to a perfect ten because her body is so amazing. She is broad which is really nice but she has very big breasts and a perfect, smaller butt. I had seen her clothed and was in love then, too, for she is very beautiful. Leigh Anne tells me she is the sweetest girl in the world. Wow!!! A personality, too!!! I WANT!!!!!

Leigh Anne and I went to fruit class today and learned all about strawberries which was really interesting. THey made us delicious strawberry tarts that we really enjoyed. We then walked to The Loop because they were having a holiday special where their three dollar individual pizzas were only a dollar. That was a cool chance to try their food and the only reason I knew was because of a small add in today's newspaper. It actually pays to read that thing thoroughly every once in a while.

I spent most of the night with her because she has failed her math class and her parents gave her hell. She then started confronting Aimee in front of me as to why they were avoiding her and was putting the blame on them. Aimee isn't that great at confrontations and Leigh Anne was feeding her so much bullshit that I finally just cut in and took over for her and criticized everything she has been doing wrong. It took care of the situation for now and she soon cheered up and we talked and actually had a real conversation for the first time all about the holocaust and how conditions are perfect for another in the future in the United States against blacks. No sex this time but I did make her orgasm for the second time in her life last night. Now that I know it just wasn't a one time stroke of luck and I have a pattern, I can exploit my talents elsewhere. Like I wouldn't have anyway!

Stacy also called tonight to ask me when my spring break is. He was upset when I said it was last week because now he's planning on a boring spring break because nobody will be in Tampa.

Now for my awesome spring break statistic. Shar¡ Monday night and somewhat on Thursday night, Abby Wednesday night, and Leigh Anne Sunday night. I seduced Leigh Anne when she got back up here because I wanted to be able to say that I made out with and felt the breasts of every girl I have ever had sex with in less than a week!!! That's an awesomely shallow statistic that can't be matched by many. I am so proud of myself and Chris agreed that it is a real ego boost.

March 13, 1994 - Sunday - More than I bargain for

Well it seems Shar¡ has found a new lover to spend every day of her life with now. Jeff. She's been screwing him now for a couple of weeks and just kept leading me on for some reason which is far beyond my ability to understand. Perhaps I'm just not nearly as educated about real life as I like to think I am. She suddenly won't see me all week after calling me just Thursday afternoon because she was thinking about me. It's nuts and I'm not sure what the hell is going on.

Father came up early Friday morning and I skipped all of my classes. I think I wrote a journal about the first few days that's currently on hard copy but I'll type it in eventually. It ended with Friday night so I'll go from there.

I sat around and waited forever for Shar¡ on Saturday and she knew how much I wanted to see her but didn't seem to care. I gave up and called Sarah later on and her mom told me that she was in the shower. She called a few minutes later and we started talking for quite a while and said some rather interesting things to butter each other up a little bit. She's not really a prospect anymore but she's still a connection. I joked to myself that two of my connections have just gotten too close now that Shar¡ lives so close to Sarah. That's not safe because say Sarah wanted to go on a dinner date to a restaurant where Shar¡ works... Bummer.

Shar¡ just slept all day Sunday and I ended up calling Christina to talk just to her. She told me all about Jeff and so forth. I decided to use Christina as my ally towards Shar¡ by making Shar¡ look really bad for telling me to come to Tampa for Spring break and then not spending any time with me. I made it sound like I ditched awesome plans for Ft. Lauderdale, which I did, just to see her because she had led me on only to have her do that to me. It worked and Christina bitched out Shar¡ for doing so. Christina was called by Shar¡ later and then called me back and told me that they are planning on going to Daytona on Monday if they can get twenty dollars so they can drop Cord off at Shar¡'s aunt's house for a couple of months.

Christina talked Shar¡ into letting me go and Shar¡ was actually the one to call me later from Christina's house. She said they were getting ready to run out to her apartment and asked if I wanted to come with them for that. I said yes and was over there in twenty minutes. I hugged Christina and Shar¡ seemed to avoid me for a few minutes as she played with the radio but she eventually got up and hugged me. I grabbed the AC/DC tapes I made for Shar¡ and gave them to her and she really liked that and put one on. We left soon afterwards and I sat in the back with Cord. We stopped by someone's apartment to get Shar¡'s house key from Jeff and I had shown Christina a picture in my album. I knew Shar¡ would want to see it and she turned around to try and fight me for it and I kept holding her hands away form it asking her what for. We weren't being rough, I was just taking advantage of getting to touch her. I finally gave it to her and we had a little bit of fun looking through it.

I didn't yet think very much of her at the time because she was still in a rather pathetic looking state. She was very white, all broken out and felt weak when we were wrestling. I almost felt like I had to be extra careful with her not to hurt her but that image changed son thereafter. When we got to Shar¡'s apartment she showed me around and it was a rather nice place for somebody who doesn't have to pay rent. She showed me how they converted this big closet into Cord's room complete with his bed. Shar¡ just slept on a quilt on the floor, with Jeff, because Christina says that he sleeps over there almost ever night nowadays.

Shar¡ then went and called her Aunt Tammy through a relay service because the woman is deaf. All I could think is how bad that will be for Cord because he's going to miss out on some very essential speaking development at his age. I just hope what she's doing to him doesn't cause irrecoverable damage. It's funny how at the time I was all excited about going just to be with Shar¡, but later I started feeling so bad because I was helping the bitch dump her kid. Shar¡ then started packing Cord's stuff and I picked Cord's bed up and brought it into the middle of Cord's room. It's a rather nice metal deal and Christina and I then disassembled it, replacing all of the bolts in their holes as not to lose them or forget where they go during transit. That's an old trick of mine.

Christina and I were having a good time laughing because we were screwing for the first time. We made some rather lewd jokes and we were acting like we were high. It was fun. Shar¡ joined in and we finished the thing up and then crammed it in Christina's car. We then headed back over to Christina's apartment to stay the night because her parents were out of town. I had brought all of my possessions in my car in case we did go so I didn't have to go home. Christina planned on us leaving at six in the morning and we soon decided that we weren't going to go to sleep at all since it was almost one thirty anyway.

Earlier when Shar¡ was on the phone, I was on the couch watching TV. I started looking at her and she winked at me. I told her I couldn't see what she did and she did it again, a few more times. I smiled and went back to the TV. In the car she reached her hand back and I took it in mine and we "held" each other all of the way home. She tried to pull my hand up around her once but I didn't go for that yet. That was pretty cool, though.

As we left earlier, Shar¡ had been drinking some blue margarita drink and said that she got wasted on them earlier. She still had three quarters of a glass left and handed it back to me to taste. There was a straw and I downed the entire thing. She laughed when I handed her the empty cup. She also had a couple of small bottles of Goldschl„ger which is cinnamon schnapps with real gold flakes floating inside. I almost had them convinced that it was fish food which was funny. Well, I stole the empty bottle for decoration and also the half full bottle. They're decorating the clock in the living room now and I'll just have to be sure Shar¡ never sees them. Ashley has talked about the drink and also has a small collection of little liquor bottles so I wanted to gloat.

Shar¡ and I went out to my car and got her Beavis and Butthead tape and also the Victoria's Secret silk chemise present and a couple of other things. She started playing the tape nd then wanted to open the present and I kept teasing her telling her I didn't want her to yet. I finally gave it to her and she dug in. We then were all talking for a little while and she got on the phone a couple of times which bothered me because it was probably Jeff. She ended up sitting across me on the couch later on and I was rubbing her leg while we watched the TV. Christina was busy cooking egg salad all of this time. I later ended up on the recliner and Shar¡ was lying on the floor begging for a massage.

I made her put her head up on her arms so she wouldn't fall asleep and I gave her some really good stuff. I would tease her and stop ever once in a while. She told me to come down with her so I could reach her better which I did and ended up pressed against her while I massaged her back. She really seemed to be enjoying it and I asked her if she has been massaged in a while and she said not in a long time. I made some reference to giving up on me and she said that she didn't because I'm still here, aren't I? I answered yes, but told her that it sucks because after our trip is over we will go back to our normal lives. I then elaborated that he will run back to Jeff and I will go back home and she fully understood what I was talking about and I think it showed her that I knew what she was doing to me.

We rolled around a little bit after Christina started bitching that we need to start taking our showers. She said that either I or Shar¡ can go first, or asked if she should. We told her to go first and kept up what we were doing. We finally had to get up and I was trying to help her but wasn't putting any effort into it at all. I let myself get pulled back down by her and we ended up in a very interesting position. We finally sat up and she asked me if I could see her tear where and explained that it was because she was lying down. I took advantage and grabbed her giving her a big hug telling her everything would be all right and that was funny. We then went out to the cars and got the clothes that we would wear to the beach. She liked my flannel boxers from the gap and told me to wear a white shirt with it.

She had already asked me to take a shower with her (YES!!!!!) and Christina seemed rather surprised when we walked in the bathroom together. Christina then left for a minute so I could get in and I climbed in like the good old days with my old lover. She had started shaving her legs and nicked her knee as I got in and was complaining to me about it. I complained that I was going to catch AIDS and she said not to joke about that. I then took the soap and scrubbed her back for her and then washed myself. As I washed my hair, the soap started running over my face and she quickly scooped it away for me which I thought was cute. We played around as we finished up washing.

Shar¡ stopped and looked at me once after I had just let the water run over my head and said that I look really cute all wet like that. I joked that will help me out whenever I try to meet a girl in the shower! Since my head was over the top of the shower curtain anyway Shar¡ told Christina who was still in the bathroom to look and asked if I wasn't cute like that. I peered at her but don't remember what she said. Shar¡ shaved the sides of her pubes and asked if I knew that she did that. I laughed and said yes because most people's hair doesn't grow looking like a little finger and we laughed. I also said that I figured it out that night in the park. She told me that she's been told that it's cute. Of course, a guy that wants to fuck a girl will tell her anything...

I finally told her that we've taken care of the ritual stuff and now it was time for the recreational. With that we took each other in our arms and started making out in the water and that felt damn good. I found myself rolling her breasts around in my hands until finally Christina yelled out that we had better not devirginize her shower because Shar¡ has already done so to her living room and her bathroom counter. Bitch. I asked her if she wanted to and she said no that we had better get out now. Great. We both walked around in a towel for a while and since I had forgotten my toothbrush, Shar¡ convinced me to use hers. I told her if she'd lend it to me she's probably leant it to many others and she gave me her new catch phrase - whatever. Christina reminded me that it used to be, "well fuck a fat lady," and I laughed because I had forgotten all of that.

Shar¡ wanted to wear her new silk and put it on. It didn't look that great right now because she isn't tan yet. Plus she had a green towel wrapped around her head and I joked with Christina that Shar¡ looks like an old mother sitting around the house on her ass. All she needed was a cigarette to complete the image which she soon did. I went and sat in the recliner and she soon came over and sat with me. I started massaging her on her shoulders and through the silk for quite a while. It sucked as time went on and I realized more and more that I wasn't going to get anything more but now I am very glad for what I did get because Christina wasn't expecting me to get a shower at all.

Time came and we started getting our stuff together and Shar¡ was throwing clothes across the room to me. Christina saw that and laughed saying it looked like Shar¡ was throwing me out. I looked into Shar¡'s eyes and told Christina that she's already had a lot of practice doing that and Shar¡ pouted surprised and nailed me with some clothing thrown at my face. It was funny. Once we were on our way, Shar¡ and I were soon holding hands and massaging each other's for the longest time. Christina had thought we had gone to sleep but I know that we hadn't because we never stopped moving our hands all around. At Daytona, Shar¡ and I kissed a lot in the car. She was kind of into it and I just wanted to do it because Shar¡ is a damn good kisser and I missed it.

That night was almost the last time I saw Shar¡ because soon afterwards father told me that the only day he could bring me back to Gainesville was Friday rather than Sunday. At the rate I had been going, I was very happy to get out of Tampa and thought it would be cool to have some time up here to clean up and organize myself before classes started. I just couldn't get a hold of Shar¡ so I sent the message through Christina that I was leaving Friday morning.

Back in Gainesville:

I called Shar¡ Friday night not expecting her to be there at all after she ran off the rest of the week. Amazingly she was there and she even answered the phone! That alone was cool. I told her I was bored and wanted to talk to her. I explained everything that I had written early that morning about our bargaining. I told her how I just wanted to test her to see how she would react when the payment hit home. She told me that if we would have had sex it would have changed everything between us.

She then covered her ass beautifully by telling me the reason she hadn't called me very much was because of what I said about my dad complaining that I never spend any time with them anymore. She realized how true this was after remembering how we spent every day together at the end of the summer. Fuck! Why'd I have to tell her that??? I then told her that it's different this time because my dad is at work and my sisters are at school so I didn't have to be at home. She then told me that I know damn well that I could have been over there with her every single day and probably would have spent the night every night. She said that I would have over the summer had her dad not been there. That was interesting.

I had asked her if I ended up getting more than I bargained for and she said that she had planned on spending a lot of time with me, every day!, until I said what I said. SHIT!!!

March 12, 1994 - Saturday - Here's the deal Shari...

Dear Shar¡,

OK friend, I'm going to let you in on a pattern in my life. I have always gotten a rush out of splitting up couples. It's a huge turn on and takes up a lot of my social time up here in Gainesville. I love to become friends with a girl who is in a relationship and then mentally, or sometimes physically, convince them that their man is worthless. I've done this so many times in the past few years it's not really funny.

I'll go in and just start talking to a girl making them believe I only want to be friends. I have always had good advice and am a good listener so the girls will tell me all of their problems without much convincing. I then start pointing out all of the bad aspects of the relationship while hiding the fact of what I am really trying to do. I never toot my own horn and try to make myself look better than the guy. I let the girl realize how right I am on her own and a lot of the times the girl will fall for me on her own. It's a lot of fun and I have become quite good at it.

I have quite a few impressive victories under my belt. There was a girl named Melissa my first year up here who was about four years older than me. She had been dating this guy very seriously for over three years and had just started having trouble when I met her. The girl was gorgeous and was getting ready to go to Yale on full scholarship! I felt like she was way out of my league but I was very eager to take the challenge. It took me a month but the rewards were cool and quite a few people were surprised that I accomplished that one.

There was this guy named Clint at Busch Gardens over the summer and we were pretty good friends. Christina knows him. Clit's gorgeous little girlfriend Sarah dropped by to see him at work one day and the fool introduced her to me. I immediately picked up on her and started ragging on him right in front of him. I did it in a way that he didn't really catch on and was laughing along with us. Nobody ever said he was smart. I then went on break and walked her out and gave her my phone number. The very next night I received my call and started convincing her to axe Clit it happened very easily. It was almost so easy that the fun was taken away along with the excitement. It also helped that I had just met you. Anyway Sarah wants to be a dentist and wanted to see Gainesville so she is the one I told you came up the weekend after you were here. Her two friends told me that all she kept saying on the drive up was how she was going to rape me when she got here. Unfortunately for her I was in love with you and for some reason didn't want a thing to do with her. She left very pissed and I didn't talk to her again until long after you an I broke up.

Leigh Anne... I finally told the neighbor why I had gone out with her a couple of days before Spring break. It was only because I had just been hurt by you and needed a close and convenient way to keep my mind off you so I wouldn't get depressed because exams were coming up. She was pissed. She was stupid though because she knew how much I cared about you because I used to talk to her about you almost every day when you and I were going out. And then she suddenly thought that I liked her only a week after you dumped me??? There's a nut for you! Back to subject. Not only was Leigh Anne close and convenient, but she had a boyfriend who lived with her in the dorm!!! there argued a lot and she used to slam the door and sit in the hallway. On one occasion I took her in a gave her a massage and almost fucked her the first night. You know what a good massage can do to someone, and hers was only about half of what you used to let me give you. Well, four days later, her boyfriend was gone and I was in......... IN HELL!!! But that's another story and you know it I think.

You have been the only girl that I have dated since eighth grade who didn't have a boyfriend when I fell for them. Or at least I don't think you did, you never seem to tell me these things (JEFF!!!!!).For some reason I think your looks made me think you were too good for me at the start and that set up the challenge. Once I got to know you I fell for you. I still can't tell you why I fell as much as I did and that's something I really wonder about a lot. It feels like I'll never find someone else that I will feel that strongly about which is why I still haven't entirely let go five months later. I think I'll always save a little place in my heart for you that would swallow you up if you ever give it the chance and will never allow me to hate you no matter what you do or say to me. That's also why I asked if you had gotten YOUR ring back. Even if I eventually get it back, I will always associate it with you and will never let another w

Back to topic. There was this girl named Abby in high school who "fell in love" with me after being friends with me for six months. She just told me this Wednesday night over Spring break but I had figured it out in high school. The girl used to skip her classes at the end of my senior year and come to mine and give me back massages!!! It was the funniest thing. I never was interested in her but I kept her around because she was useful. She finally figured this out and started dating some guy. When I came back from Gainesville that following Thanksgiving I figured their relationship had grown strong enough so I started picking it apart. I was screwing her in the ocean at Sand Key and at a park later that same night. We had sex one other time at Christmas but we called it off because I was too far away and her boyfriend was starting to get suspicious.

The bad part is, almost every one of my relationships have ended because one of the two people move away and we then couldn't handle the long distance. Most of the time it was me who was doing the leaving and it seems like every time I have to leave again, there is someone new I'll have to hurt in the process. I left my best friend Kim the first year and we would have ended up together had I not left. We have been friends now for a very long time and have decided that it is better left at just friends as not to take the chance of ruining our friendship.

I never felt more guilty in my life than the night I left you on your doorstep as I left for college. I was leaving one of the best things that had ever happened in my life and knew deep in my heart that leaving would cause the end of us. I just never had any one person that could make me so happy by just being with them. You wouldn't believe the relief I felt when you wrote that first letter telling me how you felt and I will never regret what happened as a result of that. But I still left, and that once again ruined something perfect in my life. Bummer.

AND NOW FOR THE POINT!!!!! I bet you didn't think there was one! You asked me on the phone if it upsets me when you talk about Jeff, and you have made some other references to that before. My life revolves around listening to girls talk about their lovers as you have seen so far. I want to know what is going on and I want to hear it from you, not from Christina. That way I can rise to the challenge and know who I am up against!!! (smile) That's also a part of being friends. I don't want to hear the edited version of your life just because you think I might get upset about something. That's bullshit! I am truly interested in everything that goes on in your life and more importantly I want to hear it from you, even if it's about the guy you're dating or whatever.

As for wanting you. Christina said that you told her that I don't understand that you just want us to be friends. That's fine with me, but until I hear it from YOUR mouth I will assume nothing. I view you as a prospect. A special prospect because we are already friends, but that's not my point. I will try to hit on you as much as any other girl I like, despite what has happened to us in the past. The present is the only thing that matters and I view you as a woman who is truly worth the time and effort. You also have a lover.... how exciting!!!!! J/K!!! I've started over concerning you and want to see where life will take me in that respect. If I am wrong in thinking this way, tell me so, if not, then tell me so...

We talked about this on the phone, but..... I just hope you aren't too mad at me for my bargaining over money with you for your Daytona trip. I just wanted to see how you would react when you would have to give up something important (Jeff's ring or sex to me). You held your ground and I was very impressed and gained a higher respect for you that I had never felt before. Perhaps you really do have a moral or two buried in that gorgeous little head of yours. J/K!!! Either that or you just find me so repulsive that sex is entirely out of the picture.

Had you said yes, I would have gone as far as gotten you undressed and turned on. I then planned on dropping the money on your chest or back and then I would have walked out... very disappointed. Also, there used to be a time when you knew me well enough to know I feel about sex. It's important but never important enough to ruin a friendship (or whatever we have) over. That's why I've done so so sparingly in my life. Sadly I blew all of my morals when I kept having sex with Leigh Anne. My only reason at the time was to be able to better please you if we ever got back together. I realize how much like bullshit that may sound, but it's really not... One final thing, I just wanted to thank you for what you did and didn't choose to do with me while I was down here. However, the shower wasn't as HOT as they used to be..... (frown).

Write me soon, if this doesn't warrant a response, I give up on figuring out what does! Take care sweetheart... and smoke a big one for me!

March 2, 1994 - Tuesday - Ashley's back!, Courtesy

I must say that March is well on its way to becoming a very exciting and eventful month. It began with a rekindling of activity between my old friend Ashley and me. She called me last night at about nine. I had an exam this morning in medical history that I had read for periodically over the weekend. I felt somewhat confidant, actually I felt really weird like I didn't know whether or not I cared that I had a midterm the next morning. I figure that I am usually so use to having to cram that actually knowing the stuff in advance baffled me. Anyway, I started cooking spaghetti early which takes forever and had just finished washing the dishes when Ashley called. What perfect timing!!!

She has a big test coming up in religion this week and said that she just can't study in her room with all of her roommates there. She asked me if I needed to study and whether or not I wanted to go study somewhere with her. Of course I did and jumped on the opportunity to study her alone in Turlington. Whoops! I meant study with her in Turlington! My bad! All of this right after Edward decreed that I should trim my hair and shave and try to start impressing Ashley because she'd be worth it. Of course my intentions are almost fully friendly but I leave little room for the unknown in Ashley's case.

We talked every once in a while about our relationships and I was coming up with some wonderful analyses of the problems in her relationship. We talked about Shar¡ and I as well and she made comments relating Ashley and my feelings towards each of our "lovers" as being very similar. We agreed how our emotions are both controlled by every whim that our significant others make. We fooled around quite a bit as well as I looked through my calendar and showed her things about Shar¡. She filled in a note on her birthday which I have already memorized and plan on doing something special for her. She also complained that I didn't have her middle name written down and told me that it is Michelle.

During one of our later breaks I think we were flirting just a little bit. She got up and was writing stuff on the chalkboard. She wrote "Hi Dan!" in big bubble letters and I joked that he probably won't get the message from where he is. She pouted very cutely and erased the exclamation mark and wrote my last initial. It was funny. She then erased that and wrote "I LOVE" and I looked at her as she paused and thought out an appropriate finish. She ended up drawing a giant question mark which really made me happy and relieved. We joked around and talked all of the way home and promised each other we'd study again tonight. I finished my test this morning somewhat confident of the material and bullshit mixture I spit out. As I was walking home Ashley's Jana walked up behind me and we walked home and talked. We both told each other that we had just finished an exam at the same time and we laughed about the jinx. We were talking about her and Jamee's wedding plans on May 28th after I let her know that I indeed knew about their existence. We had a rather good talk and I was glad.

That reminds me of my call to Ashley last Friday. During one part Laura got nosy and Ashley fooled her into thinking I was the other Daniel for a minute. We then were talking about Shar¡ for a second and I heard Laura ask if I was going out with that girl again. I said what does it matter to her because she would have never gone out with me in the first place. Ashley repeated the message to which Laura replied that I never asked!!! Oh well, I don't regret my choice in Shar¡ at all.

I rather enjoyed myself in lab today as my teacher handed back our unknown analysis schemes. I almost immediately filled out my form to do my unknown and he asked if I had any comments on my scheme and then he realized his error and said that I know what I am doing and sent me on my way. I did really well and was happy. I had a really good time observing Shar¡'s blond twin, especially her backside.

After dinner I napped for about fifteen minutes when the phone rang. I fully expected Ashley and was fantastically relieved to hear Shar¡'s beautiful relaxing voice on the other end!!! I had won my own mental battle!!! I had waited her out and let her call back without giving in to the extreme temptation to call her. I fully set myself up for the letdown in case she didn't after it seemed like she wasn't too thrilled to talk to me on Saturday and how usually she only called after being incited by me. I blabbed most of the time about stuff I have done lately and we joked around a little bit. I asked her which picture she wanted me to send in my letter and she said the one of me and Ashley because she wants to see what her competition looks like up here. It was funny but it seems like spring break might actually work........ No jinx please!!!!!

Ashley called during my conversation and I headed down to her room not long after Shar¡ and I hung up. I had started doubting Shar¡ a little today and was finding I might actually be able to live with that decision and she somehow knew to call at the perfect time. I was willing to go full out and tell Ashley all of my doubts about Shar¡ until a lot of them were erased by her call. I was so glad though that she called then and actually caught me at home so the waiting would be over and I wouldn't be worrying about it all night instead of studying. I actually studied for my chemistry exam which isn't until the Monday after spring break but I am being smart this time and am planning far in advance. I even told Shar¡ what I was doing.

I sat and chatted with all of her roommates for a little while and Jana went and showed me her town's newspaper announcement of her and Jamee's wedding plans. I brought Ashley a big article from the Tampa Tribune about the Phantom of the Opera which she really loves. Laura frowned that I didn't bring her anything. Ashley and I soon headed out. She always goes to the wrong door and I told her that she always undoes my attempts at getting the door for her. Once realizing she had she apologized and was better about that all night.

We were talking later about how I would fully expect to pick her up and walk her home next year if we study together, and said it's common courtesy. She stopped and said that it's just been such a long time since anybody has been courteous to her. I made the comment that it was the same for Shar¡ and that's why she's coming back for more. That was really sweet though what she said.

February 27, 1994 - Sunday - Semifinal loss, Shar¡

Eddie and I competed in a pool tournament today that was a lot more legitimate that last years. There were about sixteen players initially and they were all pretty decent. Not the sorry little girls who played last year who has maybe touched a que stick twice. I had been downstairs working on my car for a little while and found a message from Roswitha when I got upstairs telling me to hurry and come down.

Ed had already one his first game and I got added in towards the middle of the first round. I was initially supposed to play the organizer of the event first but then the Eric that I have known for a while and saw at Mardi Gras signed up and we got paired off. Holly was there with him which was cool. He was an alright player and we remained evenly matched for a while until my newly acquired skills started kicking in and I finished up by beating him. That was fucking awesome because I beat him in front of Holly who had watched the entire match. Eric split after that and Holly talked to me for a minute later on while I was sitting with Roswitha which was cool and a good ice breaker I hope. Wouldn't Leigh Anne be pissed! Ha! Ha!

I went on to play this guy who was supposedly pretty good but he took a slop shot and I also let him recover from a table foul. The tide turned towards his favor and I started getting pissed that I had been so generous to him at the beginning of the game so I rallied. I didn't even need to finish my last easy shot because he scratched the eight ball. What was cool was my consistency which was better than I had ever been before. I sunk a ball on my first four shot although I scratched on each second one.

Ed lost the second round to some guy who I would be playing next. The guy hit the ball way too hard on a lot of occasions and wasn't really that consistent of a player. Lucky is a lot more like it. Lucky because it just happened that Ed was never given any easy shots and Lucky because he then played generous yet not very skilled me. Our game came down to the eight ball being left alone on the table. He even scratched while sinking his last ball giving an extremely easy shot that I rushed and missed. That was extremely stupid on my part because I should know better by now, but oh well. Ed and I lost to the same guy which is cool and keeps him in his place. I played extremely well against this guy to even tie him until the very end, but I played too nice. I gave over a slop shot that I could have easily lied about even though I think he hadn't earlier. Roswitha told me that I should have just taken it f the other wasn't going to object because I would have won. That only sucks because that was a semifinal game. Damn, but oh well. It was fun which is all that matters and I'm getting much much better.

I called Shar¡ and talked to her for a few minutes yesterday but she was stoned after already smoking five joints since she had waken up. That kind of sucked and I took things a little more negatively than I should have as usual just because she didn't seem too enthusiastic about me. She did ask when I am going to transfer and so forth. I'm just waiting to see what happens over spring break first.

February 25, 1994 - Friday - An old letter arrives!!!

Shar¡'s letter that she keeps asking about finally arrived today. At first I wondered why she had said that she didn't write me a new one but then realized it was the really old one. She said she had given it to her grandmother to mail and said the other day she would call her to make sure she finally did. The thing is dated February first which is a week before she called me the first time. I was really curious as to what she said back then before everything that has happened to us over the phone since Valentine's Day.

Dan,
Feb. 1, 1994


Hey this is Shari, like you didn't know right. Well this is the first at 2:38 AM in the morning and I am realy wasted. Sorry it took me so long to write but alot of shit has happened since Christmas. Well first of all you know that Craig and I was on bad terms right. Anyway we ended up as friends and every now and then we associate or talk to each other. Well as of today I am moving in to a 2 bed room apt. with my cousin Jimmy and Cord will just share a room with me. The apt. complex has a weight room so I'll be in there everyday after work. I am planing on getting a job at T.G.I. Frydays or CDB's. "oops" "oops" {after two scribbled out mistakes} You can tell I am fucked up right??? My cigarett is burning away........ Anyway I am going to get a job and get my shit together, but um........... Oh!!! I'll get your ring next "oops" {another scribble} time I go over to my Dad's house, if that's all right to you??? If not you can get it next time you come into town. By the way when will that be??? We will be getting a phone soon so I'll write and give you the # when we do. I would have wrote you but a week after you left Craig and I broke up and I didn't know when or where I was going to move. I didn't want to write and then a week later leave, then he would have gotten the mail and not have given it to me. But at this address I will get it. So how is every thing up there and when are you going to transfer?????????????? That would be so cool if you moved to USF so I wouldn't have to look at the picture of you in bed to see you. That is my favorite picture because you look so cute in it. My big baby!!! When I get a job and a babysitter for the weekend I want to come and see ya before you transfer to USF. (right) Well all I can really do is wish¡ for that to come true....... Another cute one is when you are leaning on the cabnet in the kitchen looking at the paper. I'd like to do all this if it's cool with you, or if you want to tell me to get lost because of someone else or because what happened last time that's also cool with me. But hopefully you won't or atleast I can write sexy letters to you and be friends. Guess what???? The weather is so awesome down here, BEACH'N IT starting this Friday. I am going with my x roommate Rob and Cord and probly his roommate now Jason. We are going to have a house warming party, drink some, smoke some, and a little bit of what ever. When you come down for the weekend you can stay at my place one night or even the whole weekend. My cousin is way cool, the only thing you would have to sleep with me in my room on an awesome most comfortable couch. (ah darn) HA! HA! God I want to see you so bad!!!! I am tired of looking at pictures, I want to see the real thing. I want to touch and kiss the real thing. Baby I think about you all the time, and when I do I just go into my room and look at your cute face and fine body in a picture.

!!! Smoke break !!!

It's 2:15 AM now and I can't go to sleep, I wish I could hear your voice. I kinda wish that I wouldn't have lost our baby but then in a way I am glad I did because neither of us is ready for that big a step. Especially not me..... not right yet atleast, I shouldn't have fucked up and left instead of telling you what was realy up. I really didn't know what you would of said or did and I've already had one person left me stranded with a child. Don't get me wrong I love Cord with more than all my heart but also I wish I would have waited for him too. By the way Cord is doing good, I am very proud of him. He is 2 and 3 months old, potty trained, speaks full sentences, and feeds himself. Plus he's a bright intelligent little boy, I'd give the world to him if I could. Anyway it's six cigaretts and 1« hrs. later. I have to get some sleep to put up with the little monster. Please write back A.S.A.P. don't wait as long as I did. Once again I am sorry for waiting so long. Well sweet dreams and goodnight.

P.S. Cord says Hey!!!
Love Allways,
Shar¡ {heart accent}

On the outside of the envelope it said: Had any good choclate lately??? Sealed with a kiss cause a lick wouldn't stick. "Sorry so late," and had a face drawn on it.

Well, her letter ended up being everything I had hoped it would be. She practically was begging for me back and hadn't even talked to me yet.

Last night on the phone she she brought up that she had been thinking about what I had said about buying her a Christmas present. She said that we weren't really talking at Christmas, sure she called me a few times but it hadn't gotten serious. She said that she liked that I had been thinking about her enough even then to buy her something, although she doesn't yet know what it is. I explained how I had been really looking forward to Christmas for a long time to get stuff for her and Cord, but that never happened and then how I was helping everybody else pick out presents for their girlfriends and I felt really left out so I got something for her. I asked her what size she is and she either said six or seven. I asked what that was in words and she said medium. Cool! I guessed right. I kept giving her hints and finally said something like she could find it on page fourteen of the Victoria's Secret catalog. I then joked that she'd run out and look as soon as she could and she said that she definitely would. Of course that page number was arbitrary.

I ended up trying to explain it in a way that would still leave a little bit of mystery to it. I also asked her if she could see know why I didn't want to mail it to her, because I don't want her using lingerie from me with anybody else. She was kind of quiet for a second hopefully because she wouldn't want to use it with anybody else and was surprised I said that. She wanted to know if I was going to give it to her over spring break and I said definitely.

She also was telling me again but in moire detail how Craig had reacted that day when we were all at her dad's house. She said he is an asshole because she told him to get out and come talk to me but he wouldn't because he didn't walk to talk me because she had fucked me! That's pretty damn immature, we both agreed.

Kimmeth called me tonight and we had a great talk for almost two hours about all kinds of stuff.

February 24, 1994 - Thursday - Mentally we're there!!!

Things are finalizing beautifully!!!!! Shar¡ is perfect! She is either a perfect bullshitter or the perfect woman. I prefer to think she is the latter. After I finished up my homework tonight at about 12:20 I gave her a call just to say hello and she had just gone downstairs for a minute and I left a message with James. That was perfect because I'd get to see if she'd actually call me back and that would mean she'd be paying for it. I couldn't help but feel anxious so I returned a call from Delisa next door who had called when Kostas was on the phone earlier. She wasn't there and of course Leigh Anne immediately recognized me. She wanted to know why Delisa had called me. Why the hell would I know?! The other line soon beeped and I told her that I had to go because Jon has a call. She asked if it was Shar¡ and I said yes and we got off the phone. Jon told me afterwards that he heard her bawling at about that time next door. Ha ha!

Shar¡ asked if I was talking to my girlfriend and I exclaimed that I don't have one. I also told her that I have been promoting the idea that Leigh Anne quickly get a new boyfriend to get her out of our hair. Shar¡ laughed and asked if we would look for her a boyfriend while we were at it. I told her that most of the people I know are dating someone so she'd just have to settle for me! She asked what I meant by just "settling" for me! I replied by saying that was my discreet way of suggesting myself and she said that she knew.

She told me that I must have ESP because she was just thinking about calling me when she went downstairs to check the mail. I was so fucking estatic because she was actually paying for the call and for me that finalized what she has been saying as true. Spending money for us poor people is a way of nonverbally speaking the truth. I never spent money on Leigh Anne, never called her at home, never would have even really cared for pictures of her. Shar¡ does all of those things which is why I'm really starting to believe her.

I asked her at the end if she had written me a Post It letter yet because that was the only paper she had in the house. She told me that she looked everywhere last night for something to write on but couldn't find anything but getting paper is one of her goals for tomorrow. I joked for her to write on napkins and she sounded perfectly serious when she asked me if I really wanted her to.

She mentioned that she will be going to the beach all next weekend so she will be a lot darker than me when I come down. She is talking about getting a new bathing suit and talked about how I bought the other one for her. Shar¡ likes it but it has a tacky white "belt" across the front. I said that it did at least get me some interesting pictures and she agreed that I did get to see her big white butt. she was talking about how big her butt is, and that it's the biggest part about her. I reassured her that everybody's butt is the biggest part about them and told her that I like hers. She mentioned something to Jimmy in the background once about being too lazy to do something. I said great, all she is is a stoned lazy fat ass!!!, but I quickly corrected myself.

She asked if I think she has gotten fat and I said that I don't know because I haven't seen her since Christmas and perhaps she's Christina's twin now. She laughed about that and said that he would never let herself get like that which pleases me just fine. She also told me how there is a gym downstairs at the complex where she works out. She told me that we can even go work out when I come down and stuff. I told her that we don't have to go down to the gym to work out. She agreed but said that kind of working out usually goes on at night. I added that it can happen in the morning and that it makes a good wake up call and she agreed adding herself that after lunch I sometimes cool, too. I laughed and said that it would be good then just to do it after every meal so the food doesn't turn to fat. She said,"Three times a day!" and I added that we might just brush our teeth every once in a while, too.

Well, for two people that would never talk about such things in the old days, perhaps it was good that our separation occurred thus giving us a way to reapproach our relationship. We already built a lot of the emotional stuff which is cool and probably a lot more long term than having to mix what we are doing now with the act of getting to know someone. I'm really glad of the way this all is turning out!

We were talking a little bit about what we'll be doing when I go down. I reminded her that this is assuming I will have a car. She mumbled something about maybe being able to get a hold of a car so we can do something. She also said if I'll still put up with Christina that she's a means of transportation. She also said that Christina will be expecting to take us out at least once and I said I thought she hated me to which Shar¡ said no. it's just kind of funny that Shar¡ said that because I thought there wasn't any question about it in the first place since it always happened before anyway.

I mentioned that I told my mom about us talking again and she said that she bets my family hates her. I told her not at all and she is actually glad that she doesn't live all the way out in Brandon anymore. She then said that she wants to meet my parents when I am home over my break. I got wide eyed and asked why. She said is just part of the things that need to be done, or something like that. It sounded like she is trying to work her way deep into my life hoping to make sure everything everywhere is as good as I say it is and to grasp onto me as tight as she can. If only she knew that I would be happy with he hr for the rest of my life. I have already reached that conclusion, and I can only hope she will be able to say the same thing.

I told her that she'd have to see my messy house and she said that she doesn't care and I realized that I don't live there anymore so I can't be blamed for it. I also was explaining to her that I never told my parents, or anybody for that matter, anything really bad about her. I did say the only problem was the fact that I could in no way explain to them why we broke up because I didn't want to tell them she had gotten pregnant if it wasn't going to happen any longer. So I kind of left my parents hanging in that respect but oh well.

She asked me once when I am going to send her more pictures. I asked of what and she said so elegantly, "of shit!" I explained that I haven't really taken many other pictures but I will show her the rest when I come down. I told her that a lot are of girls at Mardi Gras and she said that she doesn't have any interest in those. I said that I remember because of her reaction to Chris' pornographic lesbian cards and she laughed about that.

That spurred a memory of her trip up here and she was saying how funny it was when she first came in the room and how she saw the dozen roses taped up on the wall but it didn't really register that they were for her because she didn't see a card or anything. She said that she felt really embarrassed because she didn't catch on and I told her that she shouldn't have been. I then told her how I had gone to work out with Ashley that morning and thought long and hard about what to get her. She asked if she comes up again if she will get another dozen and I said no, what good is it to get repetitious and take the meaning out the others. She agreed and then I said that the surprise would have to be different, even better. She really agreed to that and I suddenly realized my error and told her not to because ill have to go through all of the stress of picking out something again.

She was talking about Cord and how big he is getting. We talked about that for a while and I asked if she has taken any pictures. That child would have hardly any if it weren't for me! She said no, that she needs to get film, and find her camera. I asked her if she wants me to bring mine down and she said of course. I asked why and she said so we can take pictures of us doing everything. I liked hearing her say "us". I then asked her why I would want new pictures of her because when I show them to everybody, they will ask me if that isn't the girl who dumped me. She told me that I can tell them that this is the girl who realized that she can't live without me and came begging back to me!!!!!!!!! I couldn't believe my ears! Something like Leigh Anne so often would allege coming from the mouth of the only woman in the world I want to hear it from, Shar¡!!! Damn I'm happy!!!

I was so amazingly happy with our conversation. Ed called once while I was on the phone and asked if I'd like to come downstairs and play pool sometime. I said yes and told Shar¡ and we talked about pool for a while. I was just glad to make it sound like I am doing stuff. I played rather well against Ed and he made the comment that my strokes aren't smooth enough. I was in a really good mood and it suddenly dawned on me after I beat him three times that I hold the end of the stick to loosely. I practiced three games with a tighter grip and was kicking ass making shots I so often dream of making. It was beautiful!!! It will be awesome if I can hone this newfound ability before I challenge my Goddess.

February 23, 1994 - Wednesday - Getting much closer!!!

Shar¡ and I had the phone call of the year last night. I had told Leigh Anne that I didn't want to do anything with her so she ran off to Jason's house like she always so readily does. Heaven forbid she miss a moment that something might be going on. I think she'd die if she weren't with a guy every night. What a whore, but I'll deal with that later if I get bored. She came over when she got home even though I had asked her not to. She wanted to show me some stuff she bought at this huge media store. One was a book about everything men know about women. I asked her if the pages were blank before she even opened it and kind of ruined the joke. She also bought some bullshit book with over two thousand date ideas so I can't use the excuse that I don't have any ideas of what to do. She never caught on that I didn't want to spend time with her, I always have ideas.

Chris was on the phone with Marty well after midnight and had sung to her because today is her birthday. Leigh Anne wished her well and then I wished her a VERY happy birthday. Marty said something that Chris wouldn't repeat so it definitely was a little more friendly than he would like her to be towards me. The other night when I was depressed, she asked to talk to me and told me not to worry because she'll be back soon to cheer me up! Chris freaked out but I told him all she meant was that the fact that she makes it back to Jacksonville safe and sound will cheer me up. Good cover up, huh?

I heard him click over to the other line at 12:30 since he was out talking in the hallway and he was kind of confused and seemed torn. I figured it was Karen or something for Jon but when out and checked anyway. It was Shar¡!!!!! She called after all and CHris was stumbling because he was in an important conversation with MArty but knew how much a phone call from Shar¡ would mean to me. He told her I'd call her back in a few minutes. Fool! He's supposed to tell her to call back, but oh well. I waited until 12:40. Leigh Anne was kind of pissed because I was calling Shar¡ but I don't care.

And then the beauty began... I had said most of the things that I had wanted to say to her all along over the past five months last week but last night we got to all of the obscure and more controversial ones. It was awesome how well things worked out!!! She was having a really good time talking to me and mentioned once how much she likes talking to me. We were talking once and she suddenly, exasperatedly, asked me how come I always know how to say the right things at the right times. I obviously was making a wonderful impression by some of the other compliments we exchanged and she once again was falling for my overpowering charm. I was the one that broke the ice by complimenting her through hints. She picked up on it the first time and asked what I meant just to be sure and I told her that was my little way of telling her (how wonderful she is) or something like that. She seemed to like it.

We then both got pathetic. She told me that she likes to look at my pictures a lot and even has one put up on her bedroom wall!!!!!!! She asked me if I remember which one she really liked of me. I asked if it was the one of me holding Cord's hand walking along the beach. She said that he really likes that one, too, but she's talking about a newer one. I kind of doubted it was the Mardi Gras picture and then remembered the one of me in bed from the time she was in Gainesville. She said that's the one and said that I look really cute in it. That is a damn good picture of me and now I'm so very glad she took it that morning. I confessed that I had blown up the pool picture of her like we had always talked about. When I told her when I did it she realized it was before she first called and said that I had been thinking about her before she called and I said yes. I think she liked that.

I brought up my ring at one point and finally told her how Buffy said she couldn't find it. This was after she said that she had visited her dad's house yesterday. She said that was bullshit because Buffy always said she had it in her jewelry box and said that she would find out for me. I was really glad to get that out in the open. SHe asked me again if I had ever gotten her letter that her Grandmother was supposed to mail for her. I said no and she said that sucks because she'll have to rewrite it. I wonder what it said that was that important.

We then started talking about her being pregnant. I had mentioned how it has been almost five months since I've seen her in a good capacity. She then said that I saw her at Christmas and I brought up my birthday. She kind of laughed and said that must have been quite a birthday present. She claims that she really didn't want me to leave that night. That's cool because it makes some of the responses I thought I saw at the end seem more believable. But Christina had wanted to go somewhere, I reminded her.

Our then conversation got cut off by another call from Leigh Anne I think. It had also gotten intermingled with what was going o happen to us now. She suddenly got serious and said that she should have told me what was going on when she called instead of stopping her calls to me. I swore she was talking about the past two weeks and was saying that we got out of hand and she's not looking for a relationship right now. My heart dropped into my stomach as I asked her if that's what happened, and that I thought so. I really thought she meant over the weekend when she didn't call me back like planned and I was hurt. It suddenly clicked that she was talking about how she stopped calling me when she found out she was pregnant. I told her my mistake and she and I both laughed (mine was a laugh of great relief)!!! Damn that was scary!

She then reconfirmed what she had said. She then was telling me how she then went back and read one of the letters I had written her about that weekend. She told me that I said something like how I realized the chances we were taking by having unprotected sex and was willing to take the risk with her. She said that after reading that, she felt like a total asshole for what she had done to me.....

September 7, 1993.... There's one thing I'm a little "curious" about. On Friday when we had first gone to bed I kept wondering if you were going to make me use a condom. I don't like to but I always have. That's why I waited letting you put me in you so that it would be your decision. I was willing to take any risk with you as long as you were doing the same. I guess "curious" wasn't really the word I was looking for, the whole thing was just a thought that had crossed my mind.

I think the original intentions were more stilted towards disease than pregnancy, but what the hell! I also used to think that paragraph was one of the more controversial that I sometimes regretted including in my letters, but now I'm so fucking glad I did!!!

I kind of admitted that I was more upset to find out that she had been pregnant and no longer was, than when I first thought I found out she was pregnant. I retold her the story of how I discovered that she was pregnant because I had remembered the day her period stopped on the phone and things matched up and put her most fertile day right in the middle of our weekend. I then told her the excuse I had wanted to say forever because she had one time asked me why I didn't say anything. I told her that's not the kind of thing the guy usually figures out first and brings up to the girl and we laughed kind of hard about that and she agreed that it's usually the girl.

She then repeated what I had said about being more upset that she had lost it and asked if I really would have wanted it. She said that she doesn't know because one is kind of enough right now. I lied as I agreed that it probably wouldn't have been good for us. I did say how I would have gotten out of school at the beginning of may just about the time it would be squirting out!!! She really liked the term "squirting" and we laughed about that.

Conversation turned to Cord. I asked her how he was doing at the very onset of the conversation and she told me that she ended up taking him to the emergency room today. They gave him a suppository and gave her one to put in today and she really wasn't looking forward to that. They said he has an ear infection and the common flu. They tested to see if he would throw up after being given the suppository and fortunately he didn't. If he had, they would have had to hook him up to an IV and she was very serious as she said it would be very hard to see Cord like that.

She also asked at the beginning if I could take her into the hospital where I volunteer if she came up to see me. I was kind of shocked and said that would actually involve her coming up and she said maybe so but it wouldn't be until after spring break. I said of course because I would probably be able to sneak her in without anyone noticing and if they did, so what, it probably wouldn't be a big deal at all. I could extremely easily bullshit my way out of it.

She then was telling me again how I had a different attitude about Cord than any other guy she had dated. She said they would all usually try to get her to dump Cord off on her mom or with a babysitter when they went out. She said that I never even asked that once and that really impressed her. She said that we did have our nights alone (except the big baby, Christina, was always there!) but I never complained about having to bring Cord along. I truthfully never thought of doing so any other way but I can see how Cord might be a burden for a guy just out to have sex... I just always hope that she doesn't come back to me more for Cord's benefit than hers, but I don't think she'd do that.

She asked me at one point what questions I was wondering about the other night. I was amazed that she had actually heard and remembered what I had said and I suddenly realized that she probably absorbs much more than I've given her credit for lately. For she has remembered a lot about our time together and she doesn't have a journal to remind her of us. I guess I forgot who I was dealing with. I just asked what will happen over the break again and she said that she figured we'd go to the beach like the old days and start as friends and go from there. I cringed as she said the "f" word and she laughed and said that we're definitely friends and I suddenly agreed that what she had said was hardly bad.

I was talking about moving back at one point and wa saying how much easier the decision would be if I had somebody there waiting for me. She cutely said that maybe I do and I acted all surprised and excited and asked if Christina really wants me! She laughed hard. I then asked if I know this person and she said that she kind of looks like her, but not really. She ended up sticking her foot in her mouth and digging a hole she couldn't climb out of because she's just not as talented as me in logical confusion and we had a good laugh about that. It was cute though that she was trying to play the game that I've pulled on her on various occasion.

As it was nearing time for me to go neither one of us wanted to get off the phone, especially her. She told me that she has a really strong urge to be with me right now and we regretted not being able to arrange it. You could really tell as we tried to hang up because we always have a problem because neither of us ever want to be the one to hang up on the other. It's funny and I had almost forgotten how we used to do that until just the other night and again last night. It's actually kind of cute.

FUCK SHE'S AWESOME!!!!!