So far three people have complimented me on how tan I am getting in the past twenty four hours!!! That's awesome. First it was Marty who arrived last night and then it was Karen who came later on. Our residence advisor, Nick, then commented on it as we were getting onto the elevator. Even better was when I saw Holly getting off of the elevator. Nothing better to cheer me up!, not that I'm down or anything.
I've just come back upstairs from over three hours out at the pool It was an awesome day and I roasted darker than ever. It's awesome. There were all kinds of cute girls out there that kept my attention as I lusted over them. And of course I had to go swimming in the pool to help my blonde highlights along and to keep myself from completely dehydrating. At least they have a water fountain out there and I keep myself full.
Ashley and I had made arrangements to go and study on Wednesday sometime earlier. I just remember that she had asked me and said that she would wait for me to get home from my inductions if I wanted her to. I said yes and she wanted a yes or no answer, and of course I said yes. I just liked the way she subtly demanded an answer out of me and actually got one.
I asked Leigh Anne to tag along to my Golden Key National Honor Society inductions at the University Centre Hotel. We ran into Sherry, the girl that drove us to Mardi Gras on the way to one of our classes and Leigh Anne mentioned that I was being inducted. She sounded all impressed and made a big deal out of it, congratulating me repeatedly. That was pretty cool. I think Leigh Anne was a bit surprised at the compliments and said that I am smarter than I look. Cool, I don't look like the fucking nerd genius that I am. Cool.
I told her she could come along at least to take pictures, to be my photographer and she didn't like that to much. I just wanted company and she was looking forward to making fun of everybody with me. We sat through the rather lame ceremony which was much less impressive than Phi Eta Sigma and that was only a freshman honor society. I was disappointed. At least we got to eat at the stale reception. Susanne Conefry is an officer in the club and we saw each other but never said hi. There were quite a few attractive girls there that I lusted over in front of Leigh Anne which was fun. And of course she was pissed as I ditched her to go study with Ashley, but I don't care.
Ashley was ready to go when I got home and we soon headed out. We were both extremely tired already and were a little more somber than usual but still got a good deal of talking in. We also have been saying how we need to make sure and get the same sections in our classes next semester because we probably will be in three of the same classes!!!!! That will be awesome!!! There's nobody I want more to work with than somebody as emotionally and physically attractive, and intelligent as Ashley to work alongside me.
That morning I had gone back to NeRF to sign up for my room and didn't wake up until eight thirty. I knew I should have gotten up at six again but I didn't really care that much. I figured my name penciled in would save me, or what if it didn't. I kind of wanted to be forced back into Beaty so I'd be close to Ashley. I was number 39 when I got there. I ran into Tom, this guy who lives across the hall from us in Beaty, and he was number one in line. By the way, Jon just told Karen that I write a journal and then st
arted spelling her last name. I joked that I'd tell everybody what a horrible drug addict she is. She frowned. I then changed it to this: Karen is the most wonderful person at USF and is a great influence on everybody at UF when she comes to visit. Jon laughed and said that one got a good response!
Anyway, I waited over an hour and flirted with some awesome girls in the process. It's cool that they will be living in the area, too. There are these two twins that live in Beaty now that I find intriguing. I found out their names are Joanne and Allison and they were born on April fool's day, 1974! That's pretty cool! Better yet, their room is in building five, room 203, and ours is supposed to be room 302 in the same building. Cool! Closeness! A girl was then allowed in front of me just to check on her name and found out she had been bumped and couldn't sign up with her roommate. She got hysterical and really pissed and called her friend and was bitching. That really sucks and made me nervous. To my great relief, my name was still there and I got my room quickly with no problems. They say that the girls' rooms fill up quicker anyway because more of them stay on campus than guys do.
On the walk over I walked through Turlington plaza. I had decided to walk this time to look at every girl I could along the way. I saw this gorgeous blonde sitting near a tree and I went out of my way to walk in front of her just to get a closer look. Suddenly she yelled out my name!!!!! and after overcoming the surprise, I realized it was Christina from my German class that I ran into as Adventure Island. We did some quick catching up before I took off but it was really cool to get a chance to talk to her again. She was the one who use to compliment my eyes all of the time...
On the way home I ran into Jenn and we talked for quite a while. She thinks it's so awesome that my roommates and I are living together again and we thought about what a rare chance it is for us all to get along as well as we have. That's when I realized how truly amazing and rare it is and think it will be cool to tell the story later in life. We've almost become our own little family of sorts. How could you not when you will have lived together for at least three years! Jenn told me that I need to hurry and call her so we can do something and I agreed.
I then came across Roswitha walking Ed's bicycle. The thing get's rather pissy if you don't take it on a walk every morning. J/K!!! She was taking it to the music building for Ed so I decided to walk her there. I told her about getting housing and everything and was glad to get to talk to her. I was at the pool later with Leigh Anne on Thursday afternoon and we had just gotten in the pool. Holly was there in her bikini and I was in love!!! Leigh Anne noticed that Roswitha was walking by so I called out her name and waved. I only expected a wave back, but she actually found the gate and came in and sat on the edge of the pool next to me. She had just gotten some pictures developed that she wanted to show me which was cool and I got to lead Leigh Anne into thinking that Roswitha really does go out of her way to talk to me. It's funny because Leigh Anne is starting to think I'm trying to steal Ed's girlfriend again!
Showing posts with label Roswitha. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Roswitha. Show all posts
Saturday, March 26, 1994
Sunday, March 20, 1994
March 20, 1994 - Sunday - Erasing my testicles!!!
I called Ashley earlier today around noon because she had at one time expressed an interest in going to the Harn museum with me for she too has a class project coming up. She said that the project has been moved forward quite a bit so she can't go yet so I told her that I just wanted to make sure that I didn't leave her if she still wanted to go. She thought it was sweet that I was thinking about her like that. She mentioned going to the copy center across the street from campus after church so I asked her if she'd do me a big favor and pick up my chemistry homework stuff. She said she would, and also would probably be calling me later tonight for help.
I had been chatting with Leigh Anne earlier because se had called after getting pissed that I never called her last night. She said that I should have been spending time with her instead of Ashley and that my timing really stinks. I told her I had spent most of the last week with her and if she's going to tell me when I can and can't see my friends, I'll have nothing to do with her, especially since we are not boyfriend and girlfriend like she keeps making up. I've accused her of continuously recreating that lie. Just because we've been nice to each other doesn't mean we're going out and I thought she understood that. That's why I've let her totally have control when we do have sex and repeatedly tell her we are not going out. She told me this morning that I have no right to do the physical stuff I have been doing if we aren't more than friends. I agree so I told her it has stopped.
After that call I accidentally dialed her number and asked for Ashley to my upmost horror. Actually I found it quite funny and later told her I was trying to find a ride for us to the Harn even though my full intentions were to go with Ashley alone. It turns out that she had just gotten one from Sam and I accused her just forgetting about me because she knew that I needed to go as well. I could have made her feel like shit about that one and she was starting to feel that way on her own without me having to rub it in. She has a severely wrong outlook on the way she treats her friends and I finally old her that the other night in front of Aimee and she was in hysterics.
I just think it would be really funny if Ashley and I would have run into Sam and Leigh Anne at the art exhibition. That would have been hilarious. She even had the audacity to say that even though I say she's a sweet innocent little Catholic girl, I'm probably fucking her and would go out with her in a heartbeat if Daniel dropped her. Of course I would. When we were arguing about what I wanted from her and about whether or not we should have had sex, I told her that I look for the possibility of a relationship in all of my friends at all times and that's what I was doing with her. She got pissed realizing that I just SAID that I would have sex with any of my female friends, which she also realized earlier that most of my friends are. She then asked if I wonder why she doesn't trust me when I'm with any of them. Of course I asked then asked her why she would be jealous, we're not dating or anything and the loop repeated...
I then let her know that I had to leave to start out on my bicycle all of the very long way to the museum. I took a towel and was all decked out to lay out in case I wanted to stop by a pool on the way. I ended up running into Publix and played two bowling lottery tickets for the first time just to see. I then headed to the museum and wrote up my reports on two pieces of art. I flirted hard with every cute girl I saw, too.
I loved the exhibit by Jerry Uelsmann and both Abby and Leigh Anne love him, too. In fact Abby brought his name up without me saying a word. He is a photographer for UF who brilliant superimposes various negatives over each other to make wild fantasy images. They are unbelievable and I love them all! They had a guide and I took a couple, one to give to Abby. I then ran into Sam and Leigh Anne on the way out and we said shallow hellos. She was almost treating me in the same manner I would treat her in the presence of a female friend of mind except she still acknowledged my presence somewhat whereas I usually completely forget about her. Sam looked at my tan and asked me where I got all of the sun from. That was cool.
Ed, Roswitha and I had some rather humorous conversations throughout the evening when they would come upstairs for a study break. She wants to see the Crying Game so I asked her when we are going to rent it and see it. She asked if I have any rope to tie Ed up with and then seriously said we need to do it soon. That was cool.
We also got into a conversation about vasectomies. The whole thing stemmed from a female sexuality show on the student channel that was very informative and Roswitha commented that it is sad that they won't show this on a public channel to teach the normal person contraception. Even I didn't know as much as I would have liked to think I did until recently when some misconceptions were cleared up through my experiences with Shar¡.
I have always wondered this about a vasectomy: sperm is produced continuously and is emitted regularly through nocturnal emissions. Once a man undergoes a vasectomy, his vas deferens are cut and tied. So then what happens to this produced sperm, do your testicles eventually explode or does it just fill up your abdomen and get reabsorbed as a protein? Roswitha and I then had a discussion about the anatomy and where exactly the semen lubricants get mixed with the sperm. Ed then finished brushing his teeth and joined the conversation. It took a drawing on the board to explain it to him but he soon agreed and wondered if point radiation was used to fry the testicles. I doubted it. I learned later that they are still needed for the production of male hormones and also that some although few vasectomies are effectively reversed.
Now that everyone's interest was aroused, I pulled out the human sexuality book that I got free at the book store when they started using a new edition. I was actually researching something!!! I soon discovered that the sperm disintegrates in the testicles and is absorbed by the blood stream. Cool, my testicles won't explode if I ever have a vasectomy!!! I also learned that the cut is made within the sac which was interesting because I always thought it was done somewhere in the abdomen since the little suckers run all of the way around the bladder. I guess I was also confusing it with a tubal ligation on a female. We also learned that a man still has ejaculate which is cool, it just doesn't contain any sperm.
At the end of our conversation, Roswitha went to the board and asked if she could erase my testicles!!! We started laughing and I told her that will make a good story for Chris: Roswitha asked if she could erase my testicles over the weekend! Baby.... PLEASE DO!!!!!
I cleaned my room after that and finally shaved sometime around midnight. The phone rang as I was finishing up and I figured it would be Karen since it was so late and Jon hadn't returned her call yet. But it was Ashley!!! She said that she has my homework and I can come pick it up whenever I'd like. I put on my light gray cotton Gator baseball boxers and a white Q105 tank top and headed down. The outfit was intended to, and did rather nicely, show off my gorgeous tan! I walked in the door and the first thing Laura said was about how dark I am getting even though she saw me the night before and I hadn't been in the sun since... but anyway. That was really cool. Jessica had gotten a slight tan and looked really nice because her light blue eyes really stood out. That made me realize that my eyes probably really stick out and that was confirmed the other night by Leigh Anne who said that show up more when I am tan. COOL!!! I can't wait for the summer at Busch!!!
Ashley hadn't really planed on using me but I asked and she found a questions he had earlier. It always takes me a little while to figure out the problem but once all of the concepts come flooding back into my head, I can help her very well. I reminded her once that I haven't even taken this class up here yet and she said that I still know it better than she does and then begged me to take the test for her. I helped her figure out all of the directions the forces and magnetic fields went and taught her how they can stick out of the page. We used pencils and our fingers as 3D models and she actually understood when I was done. I'm getting a lot better at tutoring. We started laughing at the strange contortions our fingers and pencils were in and I joked that they'll all be looking at her real funny if she's doing this during the test. She then asked if she can borrow my fingers during the exam. I then joked that I remember this from biology because our hands were so close and took hers in mine and we had sex right there in front of Laura and Jessica...
I had been chatting with Leigh Anne earlier because se had called after getting pissed that I never called her last night. She said that I should have been spending time with her instead of Ashley and that my timing really stinks. I told her I had spent most of the last week with her and if she's going to tell me when I can and can't see my friends, I'll have nothing to do with her, especially since we are not boyfriend and girlfriend like she keeps making up. I've accused her of continuously recreating that lie. Just because we've been nice to each other doesn't mean we're going out and I thought she understood that. That's why I've let her totally have control when we do have sex and repeatedly tell her we are not going out. She told me this morning that I have no right to do the physical stuff I have been doing if we aren't more than friends. I agree so I told her it has stopped.
After that call I accidentally dialed her number and asked for Ashley to my upmost horror. Actually I found it quite funny and later told her I was trying to find a ride for us to the Harn even though my full intentions were to go with Ashley alone. It turns out that she had just gotten one from Sam and I accused her just forgetting about me because she knew that I needed to go as well. I could have made her feel like shit about that one and she was starting to feel that way on her own without me having to rub it in. She has a severely wrong outlook on the way she treats her friends and I finally old her that the other night in front of Aimee and she was in hysterics.
I just think it would be really funny if Ashley and I would have run into Sam and Leigh Anne at the art exhibition. That would have been hilarious. She even had the audacity to say that even though I say she's a sweet innocent little Catholic girl, I'm probably fucking her and would go out with her in a heartbeat if Daniel dropped her. Of course I would. When we were arguing about what I wanted from her and about whether or not we should have had sex, I told her that I look for the possibility of a relationship in all of my friends at all times and that's what I was doing with her. She got pissed realizing that I just SAID that I would have sex with any of my female friends, which she also realized earlier that most of my friends are. She then asked if I wonder why she doesn't trust me when I'm with any of them. Of course I asked then asked her why she would be jealous, we're not dating or anything and the loop repeated...
I then let her know that I had to leave to start out on my bicycle all of the very long way to the museum. I took a towel and was all decked out to lay out in case I wanted to stop by a pool on the way. I ended up running into Publix and played two bowling lottery tickets for the first time just to see. I then headed to the museum and wrote up my reports on two pieces of art. I flirted hard with every cute girl I saw, too.
I loved the exhibit by Jerry Uelsmann and both Abby and Leigh Anne love him, too. In fact Abby brought his name up without me saying a word. He is a photographer for UF who brilliant superimposes various negatives over each other to make wild fantasy images. They are unbelievable and I love them all! They had a guide and I took a couple, one to give to Abby. I then ran into Sam and Leigh Anne on the way out and we said shallow hellos. She was almost treating me in the same manner I would treat her in the presence of a female friend of mind except she still acknowledged my presence somewhat whereas I usually completely forget about her. Sam looked at my tan and asked me where I got all of the sun from. That was cool.
Ed, Roswitha and I had some rather humorous conversations throughout the evening when they would come upstairs for a study break. She wants to see the Crying Game so I asked her when we are going to rent it and see it. She asked if I have any rope to tie Ed up with and then seriously said we need to do it soon. That was cool.
We also got into a conversation about vasectomies. The whole thing stemmed from a female sexuality show on the student channel that was very informative and Roswitha commented that it is sad that they won't show this on a public channel to teach the normal person contraception. Even I didn't know as much as I would have liked to think I did until recently when some misconceptions were cleared up through my experiences with Shar¡.
I have always wondered this about a vasectomy: sperm is produced continuously and is emitted regularly through nocturnal emissions. Once a man undergoes a vasectomy, his vas deferens are cut and tied. So then what happens to this produced sperm, do your testicles eventually explode or does it just fill up your abdomen and get reabsorbed as a protein? Roswitha and I then had a discussion about the anatomy and where exactly the semen lubricants get mixed with the sperm. Ed then finished brushing his teeth and joined the conversation. It took a drawing on the board to explain it to him but he soon agreed and wondered if point radiation was used to fry the testicles. I doubted it. I learned later that they are still needed for the production of male hormones and also that some although few vasectomies are effectively reversed.
Now that everyone's interest was aroused, I pulled out the human sexuality book that I got free at the book store when they started using a new edition. I was actually researching something!!! I soon discovered that the sperm disintegrates in the testicles and is absorbed by the blood stream. Cool, my testicles won't explode if I ever have a vasectomy!!! I also learned that the cut is made within the sac which was interesting because I always thought it was done somewhere in the abdomen since the little suckers run all of the way around the bladder. I guess I was also confusing it with a tubal ligation on a female. We also learned that a man still has ejaculate which is cool, it just doesn't contain any sperm.
At the end of our conversation, Roswitha went to the board and asked if she could erase my testicles!!! We started laughing and I told her that will make a good story for Chris: Roswitha asked if she could erase my testicles over the weekend! Baby.... PLEASE DO!!!!!
I cleaned my room after that and finally shaved sometime around midnight. The phone rang as I was finishing up and I figured it would be Karen since it was so late and Jon hadn't returned her call yet. But it was Ashley!!! She said that she has my homework and I can come pick it up whenever I'd like. I put on my light gray cotton Gator baseball boxers and a white Q105 tank top and headed down. The outfit was intended to, and did rather nicely, show off my gorgeous tan! I walked in the door and the first thing Laura said was about how dark I am getting even though she saw me the night before and I hadn't been in the sun since... but anyway. That was really cool. Jessica had gotten a slight tan and looked really nice because her light blue eyes really stood out. That made me realize that my eyes probably really stick out and that was confirmed the other night by Leigh Anne who said that show up more when I am tan. COOL!!! I can't wait for the summer at Busch!!!
Ashley hadn't really planed on using me but I asked and she found a questions he had earlier. It always takes me a little while to figure out the problem but once all of the concepts come flooding back into my head, I can help her very well. I reminded her once that I haven't even taken this class up here yet and she said that I still know it better than she does and then begged me to take the test for her. I helped her figure out all of the directions the forces and magnetic fields went and taught her how they can stick out of the page. We used pencils and our fingers as 3D models and she actually understood when I was done. I'm getting a lot better at tutoring. We started laughing at the strange contortions our fingers and pencils were in and I joked that they'll all be looking at her real funny if she's doing this during the test. She then asked if she can borrow my fingers during the exam. I then joked that I remember this from biology because our hands were so close and took hers in mine and we had sex right there in front of Laura and Jessica...
Sunday, February 27, 1994
February 27, 1994 - Sunday - Semifinal loss, Shar¡
Eddie and I competed in a pool tournament today that was a lot more legitimate that last years. There were about sixteen players initially and they were all pretty decent. Not the sorry little girls who played last year who has maybe touched a que stick twice. I had been downstairs working on my car for a little while and found a message from Roswitha when I got upstairs telling me to hurry and come down.
Ed had already one his first game and I got added in towards the middle of the first round. I was initially supposed to play the organizer of the event first but then the Eric that I have known for a while and saw at Mardi Gras signed up and we got paired off. Holly was there with him which was cool. He was an alright player and we remained evenly matched for a while until my newly acquired skills started kicking in and I finished up by beating him. That was fucking awesome because I beat him in front of Holly who had watched the entire match. Eric split after that and Holly talked to me for a minute later on while I was sitting with Roswitha which was cool and a good ice breaker I hope. Wouldn't Leigh Anne be pissed! Ha! Ha!
I went on to play this guy who was supposedly pretty good but he took a slop shot and I also let him recover from a table foul. The tide turned towards his favor and I started getting pissed that I had been so generous to him at the beginning of the game so I rallied. I didn't even need to finish my last easy shot because he scratched the eight ball. What was cool was my consistency which was better than I had ever been before. I sunk a ball on my first four shot although I scratched on each second one.
Ed lost the second round to some guy who I would be playing next. The guy hit the ball way too hard on a lot of occasions and wasn't really that consistent of a player. Lucky is a lot more like it. Lucky because it just happened that Ed was never given any easy shots and Lucky because he then played generous yet not very skilled me. Our game came down to the eight ball being left alone on the table. He even scratched while sinking his last ball giving an extremely easy shot that I rushed and missed. That was extremely stupid on my part because I should know better by now, but oh well. Ed and I lost to the same guy which is cool and keeps him in his place. I played extremely well against this guy to even tie him until the very end, but I played too nice. I gave over a slop shot that I could have easily lied about even though I think he hadn't earlier. Roswitha told me that I should have just taken it f the other wasn't going to object because I would have won. That only sucks because that was a semifinal game. Damn, but oh well. It was fun which is all that matters and I'm getting much much better.
I called Shar¡ and talked to her for a few minutes yesterday but she was stoned after already smoking five joints since she had waken up. That kind of sucked and I took things a little more negatively than I should have as usual just because she didn't seem too enthusiastic about me. She did ask when I am going to transfer and so forth. I'm just waiting to see what happens over spring break first.
Ed had already one his first game and I got added in towards the middle of the first round. I was initially supposed to play the organizer of the event first but then the Eric that I have known for a while and saw at Mardi Gras signed up and we got paired off. Holly was there with him which was cool. He was an alright player and we remained evenly matched for a while until my newly acquired skills started kicking in and I finished up by beating him. That was fucking awesome because I beat him in front of Holly who had watched the entire match. Eric split after that and Holly talked to me for a minute later on while I was sitting with Roswitha which was cool and a good ice breaker I hope. Wouldn't Leigh Anne be pissed! Ha! Ha!
I went on to play this guy who was supposedly pretty good but he took a slop shot and I also let him recover from a table foul. The tide turned towards his favor and I started getting pissed that I had been so generous to him at the beginning of the game so I rallied. I didn't even need to finish my last easy shot because he scratched the eight ball. What was cool was my consistency which was better than I had ever been before. I sunk a ball on my first four shot although I scratched on each second one.
Ed lost the second round to some guy who I would be playing next. The guy hit the ball way too hard on a lot of occasions and wasn't really that consistent of a player. Lucky is a lot more like it. Lucky because it just happened that Ed was never given any easy shots and Lucky because he then played generous yet not very skilled me. Our game came down to the eight ball being left alone on the table. He even scratched while sinking his last ball giving an extremely easy shot that I rushed and missed. That was extremely stupid on my part because I should know better by now, but oh well. Ed and I lost to the same guy which is cool and keeps him in his place. I played extremely well against this guy to even tie him until the very end, but I played too nice. I gave over a slop shot that I could have easily lied about even though I think he hadn't earlier. Roswitha told me that I should have just taken it f the other wasn't going to object because I would have won. That only sucks because that was a semifinal game. Damn, but oh well. It was fun which is all that matters and I'm getting much much better.
I called Shar¡ and talked to her for a few minutes yesterday but she was stoned after already smoking five joints since she had waken up. That kind of sucked and I took things a little more negatively than I should have as usual just because she didn't seem too enthusiastic about me. She did ask when I am going to transfer and so forth. I'm just waiting to see what happens over spring break first.
Wednesday, February 16, 1994
February 16, 1994 - Wednesday - Please come back Shar¡!
One point of Shar¡ and my conversation before we really started getting emotional was about whether or not I still planned on coming home. I told her that I don't know and asked her what reasons I have to go down there like I did back at Christmas. She told me slyly that there are lots of reasons but it was too early in our conversation for her to say exactly what. I told her that I'm bored right now wherever I am so it doesn't really matter where I go. She said something about then I would be bored if I came down there and I said it depends on whether or not I have a good reason to move back. She knew what I was hinting at.
I also have optimistically (and naively) been wondering why she has even taken the time to try and come back to me. I wondered if she realized how well I treated her when we were together attention wise because I'm sure that boyfriend of hers couldn't compare. It's funny how I can't remember his name at all. She then realized that it's not my nature to treat everybody like that when she heard how I treat Leigh Anne and I hope she realized how special she is to me. That would be fucking awesome if that's the line of thought she's taken. Come on Shar¡..... I know you can do it!!!
There's a rock song with Shar¡'s name in it and I had heard it back over the summer. It was playing last time we were on the phone and I asked her this time who sings it. She says she doesn't know, maybe Foreigner. I had asked around at the record shops up here along time ago but nobody knew.
I spoke a long time last night with Roswitha about my previous relationship with Shar¡ and showed her some pictures. I also talked with her about Valerie and heard a few of Ed's stories about that big scandal between the three of us. I let her see the picture of Valerie in my lap in St. Augustine that Ed had to take and she laughed long and hard about that one. We talked a lot about relationships and so forth and she likes how we have a thirty day grace period before we can date a roommate's ex.
Leigh Anne has been a real bitch today and even scared me by her threats after I showed everybody the pictures of her from Mardi Gras exposing her tits. I walked past her, Aimee, and Dave on the way to my exam today and I said hi to both of them as they did to me but she was acting all fucked up. She came over just a little while ago and brought a piece offering of two cream filled doughnuts but I'm very afraid to eat them and even "jokingly" accused her of putting cyanide in them. She still keeps asking for another chance and promises I'll be the happiest person in the world. I will always tell her no this time. She even keeps asking for the second part of her birthday present slash Valentine's Day present. It's the magenta silk camisole that I bought for Shar¡ but have used as proof that I got Leigh Anne something. I told her that I'm not going to give it to her now for the same reason I'm not giving it to Shar¡, so they won't use it without me.
I talked with Jon early today about Shar¡ and Leigh Anne and wondered what it is about Shar¡ that makes me so attracted to her even after all that has happened and all of the time that has passed. Jon confirmed my beliefs that it's because of what I think I can offer her and so forth. About Leigh Anne, I told everybody last night that the only reason I ever dated Leigh Anne was to keep my mind of of Shar¡ after we broke up so I wouldn't get all depressed. I even told Shar¡ that last night.
I also have optimistically (and naively) been wondering why she has even taken the time to try and come back to me. I wondered if she realized how well I treated her when we were together attention wise because I'm sure that boyfriend of hers couldn't compare. It's funny how I can't remember his name at all. She then realized that it's not my nature to treat everybody like that when she heard how I treat Leigh Anne and I hope she realized how special she is to me. That would be fucking awesome if that's the line of thought she's taken. Come on Shar¡..... I know you can do it!!!
There's a rock song with Shar¡'s name in it and I had heard it back over the summer. It was playing last time we were on the phone and I asked her this time who sings it. She says she doesn't know, maybe Foreigner. I had asked around at the record shops up here along time ago but nobody knew.
I spoke a long time last night with Roswitha about my previous relationship with Shar¡ and showed her some pictures. I also talked with her about Valerie and heard a few of Ed's stories about that big scandal between the three of us. I let her see the picture of Valerie in my lap in St. Augustine that Ed had to take and she laughed long and hard about that one. We talked a lot about relationships and so forth and she likes how we have a thirty day grace period before we can date a roommate's ex.
Leigh Anne has been a real bitch today and even scared me by her threats after I showed everybody the pictures of her from Mardi Gras exposing her tits. I walked past her, Aimee, and Dave on the way to my exam today and I said hi to both of them as they did to me but she was acting all fucked up. She came over just a little while ago and brought a piece offering of two cream filled doughnuts but I'm very afraid to eat them and even "jokingly" accused her of putting cyanide in them. She still keeps asking for another chance and promises I'll be the happiest person in the world. I will always tell her no this time. She even keeps asking for the second part of her birthday present slash Valentine's Day present. It's the magenta silk camisole that I bought for Shar¡ but have used as proof that I got Leigh Anne something. I told her that I'm not going to give it to her now for the same reason I'm not giving it to Shar¡, so they won't use it without me.
I talked with Jon early today about Shar¡ and Leigh Anne and wondered what it is about Shar¡ that makes me so attracted to her even after all that has happened and all of the time that has passed. Jon confirmed my beliefs that it's because of what I think I can offer her and so forth. About Leigh Anne, I told everybody last night that the only reason I ever dated Leigh Anne was to keep my mind of of Shar¡ after we broke up so I wouldn't get all depressed. I even told Shar¡ that last night.
Sunday, November 14, 1993
November 14, 1993 - Sunday - Movie, I won war twice!
I did my part, to break her heart, but she walked out on me, and tore my world apart... Thanks Shar¡.
Well, Leigh Anne and I played war today, and I won twice!!! She decided to shuck our plans of watching Aladdin, eating Jello, and playing with Cool Whip and instead go see a movie with Ed and Roswitha. We decided to go see "My Life," a movie with really good advertising (including Enya music) and a really good review by Michelle. Stupid then let us know in the car that she forgot her wallet, her money and ATM card, in the rush to get ready. Bullshit! It then took us a really long time to get through the line at the theater but I was having a pretty good time flirting. There was a gorgeous girl behind us who looked so fucking sexy in the club clothes she was wearing. I also waved to this cute girl from my German class who was further back line.
It was cool that all four of us tend to get along rather well. Roswitha and Leigh Anne even ran off together to look at the movie times and I thought that was cute. We had to sit in the front row, but that didn't take away from the experience at all. It was a really sad movie that made both of the girls really cry. One of the most touching themes was about a father who doesn't spend enough time with his family and is always working. I figured that would get to Leigh Anne but I don't really have that problem because we did quite a bit with father. I also used to go to work with him a lot which kept us close.
Leigh Anne and I were doing a lot of public emotion tonight and she'll even hold my hand and kiss me every so often. When we got home she wanted to go straight to eating Jello and licking Cool Whip off of each other. I think it would have been much more seductive if we had stayed and watched Aladdin because I was no longer in the mood for licking. I thus didn't do her the favor (or flavor) back and she got upset. We thus played war, the card game, and I kicked her ass. She then undressed and hopped up into bed. I had just put in Enya and decided to just lay on the floor and meditate to her music. Of course this was somewhat intended to piss Leigh Anne off even more. I figured if she wa going to act that way, I might as well give her a real reason.
When I did get in bed, I didn't start anything, I started just to go to sleep. She got upset and wanted to talk so I spilled my guts a little bit but confused her. She got mad and said that we should just go to sleep. She then asked again if we could talk and I said, "Good night!" as I got out of bed to go pee. That pissed her off even more. I didn't hold her all night and didn't wait around for her to wake up in the morning either. I started writing letters to Carey Ann and Kimmeth and didn't even talk to Leigh Anne.
She ended up grabbing her blanket and clothes and went back to her room. She came back to get her Aladdin tape and brought me back my laundry basket and the clothes she was wearing of mine. I didn't pay much attention to her and was acting like I didn't care. I could tell that all she wanted me to do was to grab her and beg for her back.
Jon witnessed the whole thing and I decided that I have been doing the chasing all of my life and I am fucking tired of it. If she didn't care enough about us that she could just throw it away by leaving, then that is her decision and thus she is decided her fate. I would live with it either way. I am just so sick of not being chased and always seeming to be doing all of the work and changing to make people happy. I also KNEW that she'd come back on her own. When she was dating Jerry she forgave him far too many times for me to go chasing her now. Instead I cooked and ate lunch.
I had some sickening realizations about Shar¡ today as well. There are so many things that Leigh Anne does wrong that I took for granted with Shar¡. There are also certain things that I realize now were attempts by Shar¡ to make me happy in her own beautiful way. Things she said: like when she said that she loves me... I think I accept that now as the most important thing anybody has ever said to me. It was such a perfect moment and is something that was so hard for her to admit... and she did cry when I told her how much it meant to me. She also did lots of little things, like buying me that card which was the main focus of her day. I love her so much and would go back to her in a heartbeat. I was just so happy with her. I hope I can someday find a decent girl that I will feel the same way about...
I got this note from Leigh Anne under the door while I was eating:
I'm not sure how to explain what is going on. I know how I feel about you, but not knowing how you feel about me is too much for me to handle. You can SAY I love you, but meaning it is something else. I know I'm probably blowing this out of proportion but I tend to do that. You told me to tell you anything I wanted to, so I did. I told you how I needed certain things from you, but I guess that was too much to ask. I thought that of all people, YOU would know what I needed, but I guess I overestimated you, or us,whatever the case may be. The perfect example was last night/ this morning/ afternoon. You know I was upset, but your response did not help! All I wanted was for you to hold me + tell me not to give up. Or some crap like that. Ignoring me is NOT the answer. It only gets me more upset because then I think you don't give a shit which is EXACTLY the way I feel right now. You didn't even try to stop me from leaving nor did you come over here. I just don't know anything anymore, except that I love you + I wanted to thank you for the brief, but wonderful, time we spent together.
Love, Leigh Anne
However, I still knew she'd come back, and I didn't leave and wasn't moved by her letter. I did follow her over to her room once when she brought me my laundry basket and she left her door open for me to follow. Had she slammed it, she would have needed a lot of ass kissing to get me back. She still stomped into her room and sat on the floor. I was still pissed that she kept walking away so I just left again. Michelle looked at me funny when I walked in, and I said that it's just not worth it as I walked by her and left. I figured that would work rather nicely.
It wasn't long before she came back and I ended up telling her why she pissed me off and that she can't just think about herself. I also gave her a guilt trip for trying to change me. She broke down very easily and begged ME to forgive her and said that she was being stupid and didn't mean the letter at all. This has to be the first time anyone has ever openly worked to keep ME!!! Go ego! And things are back to normal now and she is learning that she should'nt make me upset, because she doesn't like it when she does. She's told me I no fun to be arguing with because I don't get violent and fight back. That would only give her a reason to be angry at me and hold a grudge. This way she can only feel guilty... Good!
She also knew how much I can't stand letters since I got Shar¡'s and I really didn't appreciate what Leigh Anne did. I also got up early today to take a shower and had a hallucination that Shar¡ was there waiting in bed for me. It's almost like my brain is trying to project Shar¡ onto Leigh Anne but Leigh Anne will never even come close. Even my brain can't compensate for that much error!
Well, Leigh Anne and I played war today, and I won twice!!! She decided to shuck our plans of watching Aladdin, eating Jello, and playing with Cool Whip and instead go see a movie with Ed and Roswitha. We decided to go see "My Life," a movie with really good advertising (including Enya music) and a really good review by Michelle. Stupid then let us know in the car that she forgot her wallet, her money and ATM card, in the rush to get ready. Bullshit! It then took us a really long time to get through the line at the theater but I was having a pretty good time flirting. There was a gorgeous girl behind us who looked so fucking sexy in the club clothes she was wearing. I also waved to this cute girl from my German class who was further back line.
It was cool that all four of us tend to get along rather well. Roswitha and Leigh Anne even ran off together to look at the movie times and I thought that was cute. We had to sit in the front row, but that didn't take away from the experience at all. It was a really sad movie that made both of the girls really cry. One of the most touching themes was about a father who doesn't spend enough time with his family and is always working. I figured that would get to Leigh Anne but I don't really have that problem because we did quite a bit with father. I also used to go to work with him a lot which kept us close.
Leigh Anne and I were doing a lot of public emotion tonight and she'll even hold my hand and kiss me every so often. When we got home she wanted to go straight to eating Jello and licking Cool Whip off of each other. I think it would have been much more seductive if we had stayed and watched Aladdin because I was no longer in the mood for licking. I thus didn't do her the favor (or flavor) back and she got upset. We thus played war, the card game, and I kicked her ass. She then undressed and hopped up into bed. I had just put in Enya and decided to just lay on the floor and meditate to her music. Of course this was somewhat intended to piss Leigh Anne off even more. I figured if she wa going to act that way, I might as well give her a real reason.
When I did get in bed, I didn't start anything, I started just to go to sleep. She got upset and wanted to talk so I spilled my guts a little bit but confused her. She got mad and said that we should just go to sleep. She then asked again if we could talk and I said, "Good night!" as I got out of bed to go pee. That pissed her off even more. I didn't hold her all night and didn't wait around for her to wake up in the morning either. I started writing letters to Carey Ann and Kimmeth and didn't even talk to Leigh Anne.
She ended up grabbing her blanket and clothes and went back to her room. She came back to get her Aladdin tape and brought me back my laundry basket and the clothes she was wearing of mine. I didn't pay much attention to her and was acting like I didn't care. I could tell that all she wanted me to do was to grab her and beg for her back.
Jon witnessed the whole thing and I decided that I have been doing the chasing all of my life and I am fucking tired of it. If she didn't care enough about us that she could just throw it away by leaving, then that is her decision and thus she is decided her fate. I would live with it either way. I am just so sick of not being chased and always seeming to be doing all of the work and changing to make people happy. I also KNEW that she'd come back on her own. When she was dating Jerry she forgave him far too many times for me to go chasing her now. Instead I cooked and ate lunch.
I had some sickening realizations about Shar¡ today as well. There are so many things that Leigh Anne does wrong that I took for granted with Shar¡. There are also certain things that I realize now were attempts by Shar¡ to make me happy in her own beautiful way. Things she said: like when she said that she loves me... I think I accept that now as the most important thing anybody has ever said to me. It was such a perfect moment and is something that was so hard for her to admit... and she did cry when I told her how much it meant to me. She also did lots of little things, like buying me that card which was the main focus of her day. I love her so much and would go back to her in a heartbeat. I was just so happy with her. I hope I can someday find a decent girl that I will feel the same way about...
I got this note from Leigh Anne under the door while I was eating:
I'm not sure how to explain what is going on. I know how I feel about you, but not knowing how you feel about me is too much for me to handle. You can SAY I love you, but meaning it is something else. I know I'm probably blowing this out of proportion but I tend to do that. You told me to tell you anything I wanted to, so I did. I told you how I needed certain things from you, but I guess that was too much to ask. I thought that of all people, YOU would know what I needed, but I guess I overestimated you, or us,whatever the case may be. The perfect example was last night/ this morning/ afternoon. You know I was upset, but your response did not help! All I wanted was for you to hold me + tell me not to give up. Or some crap like that. Ignoring me is NOT the answer. It only gets me more upset because then I think you don't give a shit which is EXACTLY the way I feel right now. You didn't even try to stop me from leaving nor did you come over here. I just don't know anything anymore, except that I love you + I wanted to thank you for the brief, but wonderful, time we spent together.
Love, Leigh Anne
However, I still knew she'd come back, and I didn't leave and wasn't moved by her letter. I did follow her over to her room once when she brought me my laundry basket and she left her door open for me to follow. Had she slammed it, she would have needed a lot of ass kissing to get me back. She still stomped into her room and sat on the floor. I was still pissed that she kept walking away so I just left again. Michelle looked at me funny when I walked in, and I said that it's just not worth it as I walked by her and left. I figured that would work rather nicely.
It wasn't long before she came back and I ended up telling her why she pissed me off and that she can't just think about herself. I also gave her a guilt trip for trying to change me. She broke down very easily and begged ME to forgive her and said that she was being stupid and didn't mean the letter at all. This has to be the first time anyone has ever openly worked to keep ME!!! Go ego! And things are back to normal now and she is learning that she should'nt make me upset, because she doesn't like it when she does. She's told me I no fun to be arguing with because I don't get violent and fight back. That would only give her a reason to be angry at me and hold a grudge. This way she can only feel guilty... Good!
She also knew how much I can't stand letters since I got Shar¡'s and I really didn't appreciate what Leigh Anne did. I also got up early today to take a shower and had a hallucination that Shar¡ was there waiting in bed for me. It's almost like my brain is trying to project Shar¡ onto Leigh Anne but Leigh Anne will never even come close. Even my brain can't compensate for that much error!
Wednesday, November 3, 1993
November 3, 1993 - Wednesday - Balloons for Leigh Anne!
Day three went rather well, I must say. After class yesterday, during which I talked to Katie quite a bit, I walked home and started to pee. I wasn't even half way done before somebody started knocking on the door, and of course it was Leigh Anne. She said that she was sorry for not getting up to walk to fifth period with me but she didn't even really wake up until she heard me talking to Michelle before I left. I said that it was fine and then walked her to her job at this little museum gallery in the Fine Arts Building. I carried her lunch for her and made sure to get as many of the doors as possible and she thought that was really sweet.
She showed up last night just after six and asked why I was here, since I told her I'd be at the bonfire. I told her it was because Chris is on the phone with Marty. I asked her if she wanted to walk down to see the fireworks but unfortunately she had people coming over to study for her botany exam which was today. I was writing my journal and she suddenly remembered that I keep one and asked what I had written about her. I joked that I had forgotten about her even coming over! We talked for a while and before long, Cecil, Ed and Roswitha showed up. Ed called out asking anybody if they wanted to go to the bonfire and Leigh Anne nudged me and I looked at her saying that of course I was going. Chris kind of forced us, along with the commanding intervention of Roswitha to watch Jeopardy before we left. I was impressed with the fact that Leigh Anne knew a lot and we all actually came up with quite a few answers.
Leigh Anne and I sat on opposite sides of the room and acted pretty much oblivious of each other the entire time which I didn't think looked that great, but oh well. Leigh Anne's guests finally arrived and all I saw was a guy going in as we all left for the bonfire. We walked all of the way there and were having a rather decent conversation. I always like talking to Roswitha because she's pretty versed on the stuff I like to talk about and we always seem to appreciate each others ideas. When we got there we just walked amidst all of the people and I was looking and flirting hard with all of the women there.
I just had a very strong conflict of mental interest. I used to always refer to the females on campus as girls, but it just sounded wrong to me when I wrote it in the last paragraph and had to change it to women. I think it has a lot to do with me growing up and realizing that I am an "adult" now and therefore my peers must be "adults" as well. There's still the slightest bit of doubt in my mind, but I think that the whole thing stems off of the added maturity I feel just from talking again with Kimmeth.
Anyway, Ed and I walked around for a little while by ourselves "looking for women" as Roswitha "looked for men!" That was kind of interesting hearing the two of them say that as I was personally missing the good old days when Ed and I used to go looking for women during the abundance of our spare time. This is when I told Ed all about what happened between Leigh Anne and I the night before. We then got ourselves a really good up front view of the bonfire and then walked over and sat in the band's bleacher to watch the firework show. I was extremely impressed by the size of the show considering that it was only for a small college homecoming group. It was nothing compared to Boomsday but I still thoroughly enjoyed it.
Our bleacher had a large clump of orange and blue balloons tied to both upper corners. I had the thieving idea that I was going to use my razor to cut one loose to take home with me. Thus we sat blocking off the corner so nobody else would get the same idea and get to them first. there was a lot of security people but they were all from fraternities and I figured if they really cared, I would just hand him the balloons and it wouldn't be any big deal. I told them to walk through the crowd however because a security person is less likely to be a dick around other people than alone in the outskirts. After the finale, which made a lot of noise which is a must I think for any good fireworks show, I stood up and cut my clump loose. A family of four went for the others after they saw me and the mom asked if I had a knife. I leant it to them and she said that they were trying to use toenail clippers, and explained that they really like balloons. We laughed as I said that I understand, hinting at my handful of almost fifteen big balloons.
As we neared the parking lot there were these two gorgeous girls walking behind the three of us. One whispered very quietly that I got THE balloons and that she wanted one. I am so use to eavesdropping that I quickly worked one loose from the bunch and turned around and walked over handing it to her with a big smile on my face. She was really happy, and embarrassed exclaiming that she didn't think I could hear her. It was really funny and it made me feel really good to do something that nice. I love making someone's day!!!
We then stuffed all of the balloons in the car as Ed drove, very slowly, back to Beaty. As we walked by Leigh Anne's room, Roswitha pretended she was going to knock on their door and smiled at me, but I really did knock but kept walking. I could hear them yelling for me to come in, and it took a long time for them to come to the door, but fortunately she did because I couldn't have planned the surprise better. I truly did intend to surprise Leigh Anne with a huge bouquet of balloons because I knew she'd like them plus they were costless. It doesn't get better than that. Anyway, she came to the door just as I stuffed all of the balloons into my room and was just standing there. She looked at me and called me a jerk because I didn't come in and then I told her I brought a surprise for her. She perked up and started coming towards me and I pulled them out.
I have never seen her more happy as she took them and showed them off to everybody in the room before tying them up in her room. She was REALLY happy, you could just tell in her eyes. I quickly left the room so that they all could get their questions answered by Leigh Anne and also because I was a little embarrassed. Leigh Anne told me later that as soon as I left, Delisa suddenly interrogated her since Leigh Anne had slept in my bed the night before and now this! It was really funny. She came over a little while later and watched Start Trek with Jon and I. She and I were both dead tired and it was a very quiet hour and I would have loved doing anything but what we were doing.
Things finally heated up after the show as we were talking about her test today. She told me that she wished she would have gone with me to the Bonfire, and would have if she knew only that one guy was going to show up to study. I told her that it would have only ruined my surprise and was pretty glad she didn't. She mentioned that they learned how to make beer in her botany class and I pulled out my Budweiser pamphlet from Busch Gardens that showed how beer is brewed. After looking at it she exclaimed that it was the exact thing that her teacher photocopied and gave to them and she had really wondered what the pictures were of that he blanked out. It was kind of funny.
We came into my room and she went to hop up into bed but I pulled her right back down because she was still in shoes. I showed her a coupon I had found for four dollars off admissions to Busch Gardens in case we decide to go. She started looking at an article on the Kumba and I pulled out the other information I have about it to show her. Fortunately a bunch of it is in my award book so she started looking at those. I pretended like I wanted her to stop but she told me that she wanted to see how much of a nerd I really am. She also asked me if I went to a school of retards and that was why I was valedictorian! She also read my conveniently placed psychological evaluation.
I climbed up with her soon afterwards and I told her she didn't get a real backrub tonight because I really needed to go to sleep soon. We messed around for a little while and she found out that I am ticklish and was taking advantage of that around my crotch. I tried to tickle her but she claimed that she's not ticklish at all and I asked why she was the night before. She claimed that she was very turned on the night before and if that doesn't make one feel special, then I don't know what will. She also likes to say everything she feels and tells me what she wants to do for me quite often. We joked about that later and she said that she gets embarrassed because sometimes the stuff she says is really corny, but it is almost always true. That conversation was really cute.
Every once in a while I would touch her or rub her in such a way that she would moan. She told me that she really likes the way I touch her, like I actually care... so gentle. I think that's one of my best talents and the girls I have dealt with are so used to bumbling idiots that I seem so much better to them.
She was wearing a tight white shirt and I asked her if it was a leotard. She said no and asked why. I told her that I didn't want to do this if it was as I pulled it out of her pants rather quickly. She thought about it for a second and then started laughing really hard after admitting that it would really have hurt if it was. She then thanked me for asking first and then said that she was impressed that I know the real word for a leotard, instead of a body suit. It was a pretty funny little incident.
We listened to the radio for a while as we fooled around and this time she was lying on top of me. She moved down and kissed my stomach as she slid her fingers up my shorts. She then was rubbing me with both hands through my shorts and that felt damn good. She looked so ready to give me a blow job and I think I'm finally going to get one!!! That's awesome. Leigh Anne also kept thanking me repeatedly for the balloons. I kept telling her that she didn't have to do that anymore but she said that it was probably the nicest thing anybody has ever done for her because it was a surprise. Of course it made me feel awesome once again to be able to make somebody else feel so good.
Amy came over into the room once and called out Leigh Anne's name. She leant up over the edge of the bed and opened the door to answer her. It was kind of funny. She eventually decided that she needed to go eat since her stomach was growling and she needed to study a little more. I kept expressing my desire to sleep so she figured it would be best for both of us. She got a long distance call as she was leaving and came over one last time to say goodnight after she was done. She snuck in a gave me a kiss and we hugged as she said goodbye.
Ashley and I didn't make it to class this morning because she woke up really late. Fortunately I was running late and hadn't gotten dressed when she called, so I went back to sleep. I seemed to pass so many people today that I know both on the way to class and on the way home. I was very impressed. I even stopped to talk to April for quite a while.
In psychology, Karen was being especially wonderful today. I really like being with her and joking around with her. She came bouncing up once again with a big smile on her face and we started joking around right from the start. I found out that she only made a twenty-two on our exam and she was kind of upset about that. All through class we kept talking to each other and would casually look at each other every once in a while in a somewhat sexual way. There are just certain things about our looks that are different and I really enjoy them. Griggs was commenting on disorders today and he exemplified socially unacceptable behavior by saying that nobody in the class seems to have a habit of picking their noses! We all laughed and I reached over pretending to hold her arm down and asked her if she'd been putting her finger in her nose again! It was funny. It was interesting, too, because she answered by saying, "Well Dan, you know..." So she does know my name!
We were talking about schizophrenia later and she said that she hears people calling her name all of the time at work. I told her that she has a pretty common name and does work at a grocery store where lots of people come through who are named that. I just wanted her to know that I know her name as well. It was kind of funny. We then walked together after class and she got some change to do laundry with later. I joked that I spent my last dollar on a loaf of bread yesterday, and it sucks because all of my underwear are dirty so I'll have to scrounge up some change. She then stopped to get a drink and we were still talking. She then asked me if I wanted a drink!!!, and I happily declined. I just felt so special that she would have been so nice as to buy me a drink!
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And as my four days of luck run out... (Actually I'd like to think there will be some tremendously residual effects, but we'll see.) I walked downstairs with Chris a few minutes ago to send him on his way to study. Michelle from next door came walking out of the downstairs library and I quickly latched onto her gaining a free ride into her room. When we got upstairs, to my delightful surprise, I found that Jerry had indeed returned to "be with" Leigh Anne. She has warned me that he is still a part of her life (for I did interject myself the same day he left) and told me last night that she had a really good idea that he would show up today.
Of course she ran out to save face as soon as I came in and I was quick to walk out of the room, saying goodbye to Michelle. Leigh Anne almost chased me down and came into my room with me. Shar¡ said that he might stick around for a while because he got a new job that is closer to here than his house, but plans on moving in with his cousin really shortly. We were standing there holding each other while we talked and she told me that things will settle down before long. I told her that I understand and really respect the fact that she is telling me the truth. I wanted to say that I have promoted many a break up for my own benefit, and I don't see it as that big a deal. Of course it upsets me somewhat but I told her that I've waited this long, so what's a little bit longer. I am fortunately not getting attached in this case for right now because this whole idea is a sex for convenience deal.
She kissed me and kept doing so and was rubbing her hands on my lower extremities. I find it funny that she thinks every guy is so hung up on sex that she must reassure me in that manner. I do like it, but I am extremely forgiving and don't really need it. She told me that she thinks things will be a lot better once we get to sleep together and I asked her if she really thinks so. She said that I'm supposed to say how wonderful that sounds... yeah right. I did say something sweet at the end and sent her on her merry way.
Of course I'll whine to Ashley that I fucked up again by getting involved with a girl with a boyfriend. He he. I also keep thinking in patterns which are a major pattern in my life, but I have yet to figure out a relationship pattern. Someone I'd marry and really enjoyed (Nicole), sex for convenience with a girl with a boyfriend that I wouldn't stay with in a million years and actually was embarrassed to be seen with (Abby), someone I'd marry and really enjoyed (Shar¡)..... sex for convenience (Leigh Anne)????? Who knows. Or perhaps actual intercourse will come into play and like Nicole, Leigh Anne and I will fool around but never get that far. I was teased with hopes of a blow job with Nicole, like I am now with Leigh Ann... so who knows? Of course in all cases there is an underlying deep friendship persisting (Kimmeth to Ashley).
Maybe I shouldn't be so analytical but my mind is truly overactive and sometimes I can't help it. The way it looks, since Leigh Anne and I will be so physically unavoidably close for so long, it almost (hopefully) seems inevitable...
She showed up last night just after six and asked why I was here, since I told her I'd be at the bonfire. I told her it was because Chris is on the phone with Marty. I asked her if she wanted to walk down to see the fireworks but unfortunately she had people coming over to study for her botany exam which was today. I was writing my journal and she suddenly remembered that I keep one and asked what I had written about her. I joked that I had forgotten about her even coming over! We talked for a while and before long, Cecil, Ed and Roswitha showed up. Ed called out asking anybody if they wanted to go to the bonfire and Leigh Anne nudged me and I looked at her saying that of course I was going. Chris kind of forced us, along with the commanding intervention of Roswitha to watch Jeopardy before we left. I was impressed with the fact that Leigh Anne knew a lot and we all actually came up with quite a few answers.
Leigh Anne and I sat on opposite sides of the room and acted pretty much oblivious of each other the entire time which I didn't think looked that great, but oh well. Leigh Anne's guests finally arrived and all I saw was a guy going in as we all left for the bonfire. We walked all of the way there and were having a rather decent conversation. I always like talking to Roswitha because she's pretty versed on the stuff I like to talk about and we always seem to appreciate each others ideas. When we got there we just walked amidst all of the people and I was looking and flirting hard with all of the women there.
I just had a very strong conflict of mental interest. I used to always refer to the females on campus as girls, but it just sounded wrong to me when I wrote it in the last paragraph and had to change it to women. I think it has a lot to do with me growing up and realizing that I am an "adult" now and therefore my peers must be "adults" as well. There's still the slightest bit of doubt in my mind, but I think that the whole thing stems off of the added maturity I feel just from talking again with Kimmeth.
Anyway, Ed and I walked around for a little while by ourselves "looking for women" as Roswitha "looked for men!" That was kind of interesting hearing the two of them say that as I was personally missing the good old days when Ed and I used to go looking for women during the abundance of our spare time. This is when I told Ed all about what happened between Leigh Anne and I the night before. We then got ourselves a really good up front view of the bonfire and then walked over and sat in the band's bleacher to watch the firework show. I was extremely impressed by the size of the show considering that it was only for a small college homecoming group. It was nothing compared to Boomsday but I still thoroughly enjoyed it.
Our bleacher had a large clump of orange and blue balloons tied to both upper corners. I had the thieving idea that I was going to use my razor to cut one loose to take home with me. Thus we sat blocking off the corner so nobody else would get the same idea and get to them first. there was a lot of security people but they were all from fraternities and I figured if they really cared, I would just hand him the balloons and it wouldn't be any big deal. I told them to walk through the crowd however because a security person is less likely to be a dick around other people than alone in the outskirts. After the finale, which made a lot of noise which is a must I think for any good fireworks show, I stood up and cut my clump loose. A family of four went for the others after they saw me and the mom asked if I had a knife. I leant it to them and she said that they were trying to use toenail clippers, and explained that they really like balloons. We laughed as I said that I understand, hinting at my handful of almost fifteen big balloons.
As we neared the parking lot there were these two gorgeous girls walking behind the three of us. One whispered very quietly that I got THE balloons and that she wanted one. I am so use to eavesdropping that I quickly worked one loose from the bunch and turned around and walked over handing it to her with a big smile on my face. She was really happy, and embarrassed exclaiming that she didn't think I could hear her. It was really funny and it made me feel really good to do something that nice. I love making someone's day!!!
We then stuffed all of the balloons in the car as Ed drove, very slowly, back to Beaty. As we walked by Leigh Anne's room, Roswitha pretended she was going to knock on their door and smiled at me, but I really did knock but kept walking. I could hear them yelling for me to come in, and it took a long time for them to come to the door, but fortunately she did because I couldn't have planned the surprise better. I truly did intend to surprise Leigh Anne with a huge bouquet of balloons because I knew she'd like them plus they were costless. It doesn't get better than that. Anyway, she came to the door just as I stuffed all of the balloons into my room and was just standing there. She looked at me and called me a jerk because I didn't come in and then I told her I brought a surprise for her. She perked up and started coming towards me and I pulled them out.
I have never seen her more happy as she took them and showed them off to everybody in the room before tying them up in her room. She was REALLY happy, you could just tell in her eyes. I quickly left the room so that they all could get their questions answered by Leigh Anne and also because I was a little embarrassed. Leigh Anne told me later that as soon as I left, Delisa suddenly interrogated her since Leigh Anne had slept in my bed the night before and now this! It was really funny. She came over a little while later and watched Start Trek with Jon and I. She and I were both dead tired and it was a very quiet hour and I would have loved doing anything but what we were doing.
Things finally heated up after the show as we were talking about her test today. She told me that she wished she would have gone with me to the Bonfire, and would have if she knew only that one guy was going to show up to study. I told her that it would have only ruined my surprise and was pretty glad she didn't. She mentioned that they learned how to make beer in her botany class and I pulled out my Budweiser pamphlet from Busch Gardens that showed how beer is brewed. After looking at it she exclaimed that it was the exact thing that her teacher photocopied and gave to them and she had really wondered what the pictures were of that he blanked out. It was kind of funny.
We came into my room and she went to hop up into bed but I pulled her right back down because she was still in shoes. I showed her a coupon I had found for four dollars off admissions to Busch Gardens in case we decide to go. She started looking at an article on the Kumba and I pulled out the other information I have about it to show her. Fortunately a bunch of it is in my award book so she started looking at those. I pretended like I wanted her to stop but she told me that she wanted to see how much of a nerd I really am. She also asked me if I went to a school of retards and that was why I was valedictorian! She also read my conveniently placed psychological evaluation.
I climbed up with her soon afterwards and I told her she didn't get a real backrub tonight because I really needed to go to sleep soon. We messed around for a little while and she found out that I am ticklish and was taking advantage of that around my crotch. I tried to tickle her but she claimed that she's not ticklish at all and I asked why she was the night before. She claimed that she was very turned on the night before and if that doesn't make one feel special, then I don't know what will. She also likes to say everything she feels and tells me what she wants to do for me quite often. We joked about that later and she said that she gets embarrassed because sometimes the stuff she says is really corny, but it is almost always true. That conversation was really cute.
Every once in a while I would touch her or rub her in such a way that she would moan. She told me that she really likes the way I touch her, like I actually care... so gentle. I think that's one of my best talents and the girls I have dealt with are so used to bumbling idiots that I seem so much better to them.
She was wearing a tight white shirt and I asked her if it was a leotard. She said no and asked why. I told her that I didn't want to do this if it was as I pulled it out of her pants rather quickly. She thought about it for a second and then started laughing really hard after admitting that it would really have hurt if it was. She then thanked me for asking first and then said that she was impressed that I know the real word for a leotard, instead of a body suit. It was a pretty funny little incident.
We listened to the radio for a while as we fooled around and this time she was lying on top of me. She moved down and kissed my stomach as she slid her fingers up my shorts. She then was rubbing me with both hands through my shorts and that felt damn good. She looked so ready to give me a blow job and I think I'm finally going to get one!!! That's awesome. Leigh Anne also kept thanking me repeatedly for the balloons. I kept telling her that she didn't have to do that anymore but she said that it was probably the nicest thing anybody has ever done for her because it was a surprise. Of course it made me feel awesome once again to be able to make somebody else feel so good.
Amy came over into the room once and called out Leigh Anne's name. She leant up over the edge of the bed and opened the door to answer her. It was kind of funny. She eventually decided that she needed to go eat since her stomach was growling and she needed to study a little more. I kept expressing my desire to sleep so she figured it would be best for both of us. She got a long distance call as she was leaving and came over one last time to say goodnight after she was done. She snuck in a gave me a kiss and we hugged as she said goodbye.
Ashley and I didn't make it to class this morning because she woke up really late. Fortunately I was running late and hadn't gotten dressed when she called, so I went back to sleep. I seemed to pass so many people today that I know both on the way to class and on the way home. I was very impressed. I even stopped to talk to April for quite a while.
In psychology, Karen was being especially wonderful today. I really like being with her and joking around with her. She came bouncing up once again with a big smile on her face and we started joking around right from the start. I found out that she only made a twenty-two on our exam and she was kind of upset about that. All through class we kept talking to each other and would casually look at each other every once in a while in a somewhat sexual way. There are just certain things about our looks that are different and I really enjoy them. Griggs was commenting on disorders today and he exemplified socially unacceptable behavior by saying that nobody in the class seems to have a habit of picking their noses! We all laughed and I reached over pretending to hold her arm down and asked her if she'd been putting her finger in her nose again! It was funny. It was interesting, too, because she answered by saying, "Well Dan, you know..." So she does know my name!
We were talking about schizophrenia later and she said that she hears people calling her name all of the time at work. I told her that she has a pretty common name and does work at a grocery store where lots of people come through who are named that. I just wanted her to know that I know her name as well. It was kind of funny. We then walked together after class and she got some change to do laundry with later. I joked that I spent my last dollar on a loaf of bread yesterday, and it sucks because all of my underwear are dirty so I'll have to scrounge up some change. She then stopped to get a drink and we were still talking. She then asked me if I wanted a drink!!!, and I happily declined. I just felt so special that she would have been so nice as to buy me a drink!
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And as my four days of luck run out... (Actually I'd like to think there will be some tremendously residual effects, but we'll see.) I walked downstairs with Chris a few minutes ago to send him on his way to study. Michelle from next door came walking out of the downstairs library and I quickly latched onto her gaining a free ride into her room. When we got upstairs, to my delightful surprise, I found that Jerry had indeed returned to "be with" Leigh Anne. She has warned me that he is still a part of her life (for I did interject myself the same day he left) and told me last night that she had a really good idea that he would show up today.
Of course she ran out to save face as soon as I came in and I was quick to walk out of the room, saying goodbye to Michelle. Leigh Anne almost chased me down and came into my room with me. Shar¡ said that he might stick around for a while because he got a new job that is closer to here than his house, but plans on moving in with his cousin really shortly. We were standing there holding each other while we talked and she told me that things will settle down before long. I told her that I understand and really respect the fact that she is telling me the truth. I wanted to say that I have promoted many a break up for my own benefit, and I don't see it as that big a deal. Of course it upsets me somewhat but I told her that I've waited this long, so what's a little bit longer. I am fortunately not getting attached in this case for right now because this whole idea is a sex for convenience deal.
She kissed me and kept doing so and was rubbing her hands on my lower extremities. I find it funny that she thinks every guy is so hung up on sex that she must reassure me in that manner. I do like it, but I am extremely forgiving and don't really need it. She told me that she thinks things will be a lot better once we get to sleep together and I asked her if she really thinks so. She said that I'm supposed to say how wonderful that sounds... yeah right. I did say something sweet at the end and sent her on her merry way.
Of course I'll whine to Ashley that I fucked up again by getting involved with a girl with a boyfriend. He he. I also keep thinking in patterns which are a major pattern in my life, but I have yet to figure out a relationship pattern. Someone I'd marry and really enjoyed (Nicole), sex for convenience with a girl with a boyfriend that I wouldn't stay with in a million years and actually was embarrassed to be seen with (Abby), someone I'd marry and really enjoyed (Shar¡)..... sex for convenience (Leigh Anne)????? Who knows. Or perhaps actual intercourse will come into play and like Nicole, Leigh Anne and I will fool around but never get that far. I was teased with hopes of a blow job with Nicole, like I am now with Leigh Ann... so who knows? Of course in all cases there is an underlying deep friendship persisting (Kimmeth to Ashley).
Maybe I shouldn't be so analytical but my mind is truly overactive and sometimes I can't help it. The way it looks, since Leigh Anne and I will be so physically unavoidably close for so long, it almost (hopefully) seems inevitable...
Saturday, October 16, 1993
October 16, 1993 - Saturday - It's raining, pouring!!!
How the weather works in wonderful ways! Chris was talking to Jon about something and compared it to how miserable you would be if you woke up to a dull, dreary, gray wet day. I thought almost instantly that I really like those kinds of days and the clear crisp sunny days make me miserable. I love humidity... it's the most wonderful thing in the world. It started raining yesterday as I left my psychology exam and it felt really good walking through the rain again. My only concern was my leather bookbag. It made me remember how Shar¡ and I were talking about how we'll both walk comfortably in the rain without running and screaming for cover. I realized that I like wet women!
Well, it's been in between a constant drizzle and a pour all day long today. The Sandfords were up for the day to see a little performance Ed was putting on for an event called the Taste of Homecoming. It's a Greek run event where the major restaurants in Gainesville show off their food and allow you to sample it for a certain number of fifty cent tickets. Of course it was raining. I had gone to the library just to do some recreational reading and then said that I might meet them up there. I looked through an entire stack of Parents magazines and learned some really interesting stuff that would really benefit Shar¡ to know. I was looking at some of the books on the shelves and only wished I had all of the time in the world to read them all.
I then headed downtown to the little festival. By walking, I got to see so many awesome little specialty shops, restaurants, and all of the dance clubs on the way. I saw so many things that you would never notice if you were in a car, or walking at night with Ashley. Gainesville even has an awesome park and courthouse in the middle of town that was very impressive. When I arrived, I found Ed and his family rather quickly. I was talking to Roswitha alone for a few minutes and I noticed that she had yellow green eyes as soon as I saw her. I asked if they were contacts and she said yes. I told her that I hoped I hadn't been that out of it all of those times we've talked together before not to notice a color like that and we laughed. A few minutes later, Ed noticed for the first time and Roswitha piped up and told him that I already realized it really quickly. It was funny and I could imagine Ed wondering why she and I were talking about eye color. Poor Ed.
I was offered a shotgun seat ride home with the Sandfords and gladly accepted. I would have just as readily walked again because I wanted to go into some of those stores, but there will be plenty of days to come. I talked with the Sandfords constantly as usual on the way home and asked about the weather, and if it was like this over the entire state. Mrs. Sandford said that it definitely is and could last all day tomorrow as well. My weekend suddenly became beautiful!!! I hope it poured all over Livestock 4 and ruined the weekend!!! That's awesome. I told Ed about the reasons behind my excitement and he understood. I gloated to Jon about it, too, and found it a deserving punishment for the bitch for ditching her son on his second birthday. But, if she was only going to sit in the RV's and smoke pot and get laid, then, as Ed also pointed out, the rain might give her the advantage.
Chris recently told me that Salem sits around in his apartment always now and just smokes pot. He's become a total introvert and still hasn't gotten laid. I used to see how burned out he was and keep thinking that Shar¡ is going to do the same thing especially since she doesn't have a job and sits around on her ass all of the time.
I found out that Ashley called me not long after I left this morning. That sucked because we were thinking about going to the mall together either yesterday of today but I figured she wouldn't and didn't want to sit around waiting for her all day. there will be plenty of more time for us to hang out later.
I've been thinking a lot about my next response to Shar¡. I told her about the letter I wrote to her on my computer on October 2nd before on the phone. I then mentioned that I decided not to send it yet in my letter the other day. On the phone Thursday night, she asked me how come I didn't send what I had written before. I explained that I got the letter, went to class, and mailed the letter before ever coming home. I did come home for a stamp but that would just have complicated things. She accepted the explanation but still wants the letter. I'll decided after her next letter, or after I talk to her Monday night, whether or not I'll send it. I'll tell her that it's kind of about that weekend I went home and is also kind of deep. I plan on asking her if I'm still allowed to do that, be deep, and see what she says. I will of course mail a new letter, although in a separate envelope, on the same day.
I want to tell her this: I've been thinking a lot about you lately and trying to remember exactly what the attractions were that caused me to fall for you. I wanted to know what happened that made me tell you something that I had never told anybody, or felt about anybody before. I suddenly realized what it was as I was walking to the festival Saturday in the rain. I started remembering how happy I was towards the end of the summer. I was always happy when we were with each other and enjoyed every minute that we spent together. It didn't matter if we were going out at night, or just sitting at your house watching the kids play. Once I remembered that, everything I have been wondering about and questioning lately kind of fell back in to place, maybe not for you but at least for me it did.
Right now I am content. There's no better way for me to say how I feel from day to day about you. I could wait for ever if only I could see even the smallest piece of your heart waiting at the end for me. I really enjoy feeling this way because it seems to give me so much more leisure time and time to study when I'm not looking to hook up with every girl I talk to. I used to put far more work into my relationships with the girls in my classes than into the classes themselves. It's so much easier to get things done when I feel down deep that you are there for me... waiting.
The only thing bad about saying this... which is why I don't know right now whether you'll ever actually read this or not... is that I would hate for you to ever lead me on if your feelings change just to be nice for pathetic little me who is indeed "attached." I dare say too attached.
Well, I bet you didn't remember that we've been together(?) now for three months... Take care.
Well, it's been in between a constant drizzle and a pour all day long today. The Sandfords were up for the day to see a little performance Ed was putting on for an event called the Taste of Homecoming. It's a Greek run event where the major restaurants in Gainesville show off their food and allow you to sample it for a certain number of fifty cent tickets. Of course it was raining. I had gone to the library just to do some recreational reading and then said that I might meet them up there. I looked through an entire stack of Parents magazines and learned some really interesting stuff that would really benefit Shar¡ to know. I was looking at some of the books on the shelves and only wished I had all of the time in the world to read them all.
I then headed downtown to the little festival. By walking, I got to see so many awesome little specialty shops, restaurants, and all of the dance clubs on the way. I saw so many things that you would never notice if you were in a car, or walking at night with Ashley. Gainesville even has an awesome park and courthouse in the middle of town that was very impressive. When I arrived, I found Ed and his family rather quickly. I was talking to Roswitha alone for a few minutes and I noticed that she had yellow green eyes as soon as I saw her. I asked if they were contacts and she said yes. I told her that I hoped I hadn't been that out of it all of those times we've talked together before not to notice a color like that and we laughed. A few minutes later, Ed noticed for the first time and Roswitha piped up and told him that I already realized it really quickly. It was funny and I could imagine Ed wondering why she and I were talking about eye color. Poor Ed.
I was offered a shotgun seat ride home with the Sandfords and gladly accepted. I would have just as readily walked again because I wanted to go into some of those stores, but there will be plenty of days to come. I talked with the Sandfords constantly as usual on the way home and asked about the weather, and if it was like this over the entire state. Mrs. Sandford said that it definitely is and could last all day tomorrow as well. My weekend suddenly became beautiful!!! I hope it poured all over Livestock 4 and ruined the weekend!!! That's awesome. I told Ed about the reasons behind my excitement and he understood. I gloated to Jon about it, too, and found it a deserving punishment for the bitch for ditching her son on his second birthday. But, if she was only going to sit in the RV's and smoke pot and get laid, then, as Ed also pointed out, the rain might give her the advantage.
Chris recently told me that Salem sits around in his apartment always now and just smokes pot. He's become a total introvert and still hasn't gotten laid. I used to see how burned out he was and keep thinking that Shar¡ is going to do the same thing especially since she doesn't have a job and sits around on her ass all of the time.
I found out that Ashley called me not long after I left this morning. That sucked because we were thinking about going to the mall together either yesterday of today but I figured she wouldn't and didn't want to sit around waiting for her all day. there will be plenty of more time for us to hang out later.
I've been thinking a lot about my next response to Shar¡. I told her about the letter I wrote to her on my computer on October 2nd before on the phone. I then mentioned that I decided not to send it yet in my letter the other day. On the phone Thursday night, she asked me how come I didn't send what I had written before. I explained that I got the letter, went to class, and mailed the letter before ever coming home. I did come home for a stamp but that would just have complicated things. She accepted the explanation but still wants the letter. I'll decided after her next letter, or after I talk to her Monday night, whether or not I'll send it. I'll tell her that it's kind of about that weekend I went home and is also kind of deep. I plan on asking her if I'm still allowed to do that, be deep, and see what she says. I will of course mail a new letter, although in a separate envelope, on the same day.
I want to tell her this: I've been thinking a lot about you lately and trying to remember exactly what the attractions were that caused me to fall for you. I wanted to know what happened that made me tell you something that I had never told anybody, or felt about anybody before. I suddenly realized what it was as I was walking to the festival Saturday in the rain. I started remembering how happy I was towards the end of the summer. I was always happy when we were with each other and enjoyed every minute that we spent together. It didn't matter if we were going out at night, or just sitting at your house watching the kids play. Once I remembered that, everything I have been wondering about and questioning lately kind of fell back in to place, maybe not for you but at least for me it did.
Right now I am content. There's no better way for me to say how I feel from day to day about you. I could wait for ever if only I could see even the smallest piece of your heart waiting at the end for me. I really enjoy feeling this way because it seems to give me so much more leisure time and time to study when I'm not looking to hook up with every girl I talk to. I used to put far more work into my relationships with the girls in my classes than into the classes themselves. It's so much easier to get things done when I feel down deep that you are there for me... waiting.
The only thing bad about saying this... which is why I don't know right now whether you'll ever actually read this or not... is that I would hate for you to ever lead me on if your feelings change just to be nice for pathetic little me who is indeed "attached." I dare say too attached.
Well, I bet you didn't remember that we've been together(?) now for three months... Take care.