April 5, 1994 - Tuesday - Easter cake a success!

I'm having a sudden academic rush just like I got back in high school when reality hit me that I could become valedictorian. I knew it would come sooner or later and I think this is it. I've gone to all of my classes for the past two weeks and have stayed awake and paId full attention taking elaborate notes in all of them. I even went to Chris' organic chemistry class today just to get an idea of what is in store for me. I actually was interested in the lecture and followed it better than both Chris and Phil because I explained something to Chris to his surprise when he got confused during the lecture. He even turned to me again later to ask another question but it was review for their test and I couldn't help them. Minh came in and sat next to me and I talked to Karen after class.

I then stayed in the third row for my own chemistry class which was the following period and sat between two decent girls. I was happy.

Jon borrowed my camera on Saturday night to take pictures of Caribsa before the talent show. He returned my camera along with a new roll of film. He picked up the pictures last night after I dropped them off for him earlier in the day. I then picked out the few of them that were mine from the beginning of the roll: spring break with Shar¡... There is a fuzzy one of Shar¡ pulling off her jean shorts at Daytona Beach to change into mine. Then there's one of us holding onto each other once she was in her wet white underwear and I instantly could remember what she looked like naked in the shower that night at Christina's house.

Shar¡ took a couple of pictures in her apartment, one of me which came out decent. Then there is my favorite, one of Shar¡ sitting in my car at night outside her apartment. She is in bum clothes and socks and is smiling beautifully. It's an awesome picture. Chris and I compared the beach pictures with ones of her before and it's amazing how crappy she looks now. I hope that someday I'll be able to show her how bad she got for a while, if she doesn't just continue to get worse. There is one of me at the reggae sunsplash up here that Leigh Anne took. I have a dark tan and really like that picture. I also took one of the dozen roses and mylar balloon bouquet that I gave Ashley for her birthday.

Well, everyone loved my cake. I made sure to disperse this one as wide as I could: Michelle, Aimee, Delisa, Chris, Marty, Jon, Roswitha, Ed and maybe Ashley if any is left. But she has seen it and tasted the other one. Roswitha has enjoyed the both of them so much and had admired my personality enough to offer to make me a cake this weekend. She even asked me what kind I would like. After I said chocolate, of course, she said perhaps she'll make me a German chocolate cake. That would be awesome!!!

Ashley warned me Sunday night that she had a meeting after chapter at Alpha Chi Omega Monday night and that if we did go study, it would be later. She finally called me at ten and said that after she got home, a really good friend of hers from Colorado called whom she hasn't spoken with for nine months. She knows that is perfectly fine with me and for once in my life it is.

I laid out by the pool after art class yesterday and was extremely well rewarded. First came this beautiful girl with Shar¡'s body idealized. She was awesome. She was in a string bikini and the way she was leaning on her elbows to study her chemistry caused the bottoms of her bra to pull way up over her tan line. That's one of the most stimulating sights for me. It raised a good two inches higher than it should have been and you could read how close it was coming to her nipple. AAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Then this girl who looked like she was about fifteen came up right next to me to lay out. She was actually older but was just petite. She went and laid on the edge of the pool perpendicular to me and just three feet away from my head. I was on my stomach with my head up and she still came that close. Better yet, she was wearing a midriff THIN cotton WHITE tank top with nothing underneath it. You could see the color of her nipples and the shape and form before she started laying out and then she started sweating!!!!! I could so readily imagine how easily my hands could gently slip up that top and have the times of their lives! I was definitely turned on and wanted so bad to have a camera with me to be able to savor that moment forever.

She also kept looking in my direction. I slid into the pool (yes, the deep end!) right next to her and made sure I was looking in her direction as I popped out of the water only to meet her eyes dead on for she had leant up and was watching me under the water. WOW!!!

Summer commeth!!!

February 27, 1994 - Sunday - Semifinal loss, Shar¡

Eddie and I competed in a pool tournament today that was a lot more legitimate that last years. There were about sixteen players initially and they were all pretty decent. Not the sorry little girls who played last year who has maybe touched a que stick twice. I had been downstairs working on my car for a little while and found a message from Roswitha when I got upstairs telling me to hurry and come down.

Ed had already one his first game and I got added in towards the middle of the first round. I was initially supposed to play the organizer of the event first but then the Eric that I have known for a while and saw at Mardi Gras signed up and we got paired off. Holly was there with him which was cool. He was an alright player and we remained evenly matched for a while until my newly acquired skills started kicking in and I finished up by beating him. That was fucking awesome because I beat him in front of Holly who had watched the entire match. Eric split after that and Holly talked to me for a minute later on while I was sitting with Roswitha which was cool and a good ice breaker I hope. Wouldn't Leigh Anne be pissed! Ha! Ha!

I went on to play this guy who was supposedly pretty good but he took a slop shot and I also let him recover from a table foul. The tide turned towards his favor and I started getting pissed that I had been so generous to him at the beginning of the game so I rallied. I didn't even need to finish my last easy shot because he scratched the eight ball. What was cool was my consistency which was better than I had ever been before. I sunk a ball on my first four shot although I scratched on each second one.

Ed lost the second round to some guy who I would be playing next. The guy hit the ball way too hard on a lot of occasions and wasn't really that consistent of a player. Lucky is a lot more like it. Lucky because it just happened that Ed was never given any easy shots and Lucky because he then played generous yet not very skilled me. Our game came down to the eight ball being left alone on the table. He even scratched while sinking his last ball giving an extremely easy shot that I rushed and missed. That was extremely stupid on my part because I should know better by now, but oh well. Ed and I lost to the same guy which is cool and keeps him in his place. I played extremely well against this guy to even tie him until the very end, but I played too nice. I gave over a slop shot that I could have easily lied about even though I think he hadn't earlier. Roswitha told me that I should have just taken it f the other wasn't going to object because I would have won. That only sucks because that was a semifinal game. Damn, but oh well. It was fun which is all that matters and I'm getting much much better.

I called Shar¡ and talked to her for a few minutes yesterday but she was stoned after already smoking five joints since she had waken up. That kind of sucked and I took things a little more negatively than I should have as usual just because she didn't seem too enthusiastic about me. She did ask when I am going to transfer and so forth. I'm just waiting to see what happens over spring break first.

January 13, 1994 - Thursday - Pool, Replacement search

Things have just kind of been drifting along lately with nothing really exciting going on. I did however receive my financial aid check today and it was just over three hundred dollars in cash, so that's a plus. I have yet to hear from Shar¡ but my ever forgiving self has a theory about that. We did hint a lot about things working out well and I did explain to her how forgiving I am and how I would probably always take her back. Because of that I don't think time right now is really that important to her and she feels that she can wait a while without losing me beyond any amount that she couldn't quickly repair. I know the feeling because of what I sometimes do to my closest friends, especially Kimmeth when I didn't make contact for quite a while. I can wait as long as she does but I just hope she finally comes through.

I've told Leigh Anne that our relationship must become one of two good friends again before it can be anything else. It that note I always answer her questions about us going out yet with a no. I feel it's a lot better that way because I'd still like to do something with her every once in a while but not constantly. We have had sex three times since Christmas break but I made it perfectly clear that it was only sex and kept putting it off saying that she would take it as more than it is and only after she promised not to did the event finally take place. I'm ruthless now, however, because I'm only doing it to satisfy myself and then I stop, no real foreplay or afterplay or anything for that matter.

We have started playing pool which is really good because I needed a partner and wanted to practice some more to keep my skills at least somewhat respectable. She claimed that she played constantly over the break and was bragging about how she'll kick my ass when we play. Well, I finally played her and easily beat her five or six games and she finally one the very last one. She had fun, though, and I'm glad to have someone who is willing to lose and still be happy and play again. Ed joined us last night for a while and I beat him in an awesome comeback but lost to him in the two following games.

I'm looking hard now for the perfect girl to take my mind off of everything and to actually make me happy again. I'd love to find a replacement for Shar¡ in my heart. I find it funny how every time I think about making love, I realize that the only time I have ever truly done so was with Shar¡. It just seems so funny that I was convincing enough to fool Leigh Anne for as long as I did. It's true that I got into it just a little bit in order to keep the thoughts of losing Shar¡ out of my mind, but Leigh Anne could have been replaced by practically any girl, as long as she was somewhat attractive, at any time and I could have continued exactly what I was doing with her. I have these interesting little thoughts every once in a while about Ashley and how wonderful she is. She could so easily be that person to take over my heart and mind just because we get along so well.

I ran into her in the stairway on Tuesday and she invited me up to her room and we talked for a long time...