Things have just kind of been drifting along lately with nothing really exciting going on. I did however receive my financial aid check today and it was just over three hundred dollars in cash, so that's a plus. I have yet to hear from Shar¡ but my ever forgiving self has a theory about that. We did hint a lot about things working out well and I did explain to her how forgiving I am and how I would probably always take her back. Because of that I don't think time right now is really that important to her and she feels that she can wait a while without losing me beyond any amount that she couldn't quickly repair. I know the feeling because of what I sometimes do to my closest friends, especially Kimmeth when I didn't make contact for quite a while. I can wait as long as she does but I just hope she finally comes through.
I've told Leigh Anne that our relationship must become one of two good friends again before it can be anything else. It that note I always answer her questions about us going out yet with a no. I feel it's a lot better that way because I'd still like to do something with her every once in a while but not constantly. We have had sex three times since Christmas break but I made it perfectly clear that it was only sex and kept putting it off saying that she would take it as more than it is and only after she promised not to did the event finally take place. I'm ruthless now, however, because I'm only doing it to satisfy myself and then I stop, no real foreplay or afterplay or anything for that matter.
We have started playing pool which is really good because I needed a partner and wanted to practice some more to keep my skills at least somewhat respectable. She claimed that she played constantly over the break and was bragging about how she'll kick my ass when we play. Well, I finally played her and easily beat her five or six games and she finally one the very last one. She had fun, though, and I'm glad to have someone who is willing to lose and still be happy and play again. Ed joined us last night for a while and I beat him in an awesome comeback but lost to him in the two following games.
I'm looking hard now for the perfect girl to take my mind off of everything and to actually make me happy again. I'd love to find a replacement for Shar¡ in my heart. I find it funny how every time I think about making love, I realize that the only time I have ever truly done so was with Shar¡. It just seems so funny that I was convincing enough to fool Leigh Anne for as long as I did. It's true that I got into it just a little bit in order to keep the thoughts of losing Shar¡ out of my mind, but Leigh Anne could have been replaced by practically any girl, as long as she was somewhat attractive, at any time and I could have continued exactly what I was doing with her. I have these interesting little thoughts every once in a while about Ashley and how wonderful she is. She could so easily be that person to take over my heart and mind just because we get along so well.
I ran into her in the stairway on Tuesday and she invited me up to her room and we talked for a long time...
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