January 23, 1996 - Tuesday - USF Medschool Interview

     I finished a medical school interview yesterday, so at least I have that accomplishment under my belt. Last Thursday I would have sworn that my chances were null and I was fully prepared to just say fuck it and not even go to Tampa this weekend. But Friday turned that around. As Friday progressed, I truly began to feel that something wanted me to get into medical school because a highly unlikely, or lucky, string of events occurred.

     I was afraid my day was going to crash when Kristen was being a bitch first thing in the morning. She has to get up at six on Fridays and Mondays now because she shadows in a elementary school on those days. I was extremely tired and was laying on my belly and wasn't going to move. When she was ready to leave I expected her to hug me and kiss me goodbye. When she did she pouted and complained that I didn't want to say goodbye to her. That pissed me off because I had to wake up which was quite unfair of her so after a few more comments I told her it would be better if she didn't stay here on those mornings (so perhaps my day was going good after all!).

     I headed to German class and told Annette that I would be absent and gave her a copy of my invitation letter to excuse myself. She passed out the chapter twelve review exams from Wednesday. It was actually quite new for me considering I've had a two and a half year hiatus on speaking the language. I got a ninety-three, an A! I then supposed that she either graded leniently or it was an easy test and everybody got an A. But the distribution proved otherwise. It was a classic bell curve with the majority having B's and C's. I was quite pleased and surprised with myself. I then became partners with a girl I had been drooling over before class named Katylin. Lucky me.

     Then came the test. I had to haul ass to (and find) the new honors office in less than five minutes. I had an appointment with Dr. Reiskind, the honors department head who had sent me to Disney World after nobody else would. I first asked him about that, and then asked if he would save my butt for medical school. I said that I needed a letter of recommendation for USF, not in four months like
most professors need, but in two days! He agreed! He said he could have it done Monday morning. He allowed me to pick it up and Federal Express it myself which was good. I had relied on Zam and Allison to write one, especially Allison who knew I needed it for the January fifteenth deadline, but neither came through. Fuckers. But since I was already offered an interview at USF I called and they said I could still send in the last letter but needed to do so ASAP.

     We then had a little chat about why I want to be a doctor and about my career here at UF. We had a look at my computer file as well. He also agreed to send me to Disney again if all else fails for the summer...

     I headed home quite pleased only to find a message on the machine. Nobody calls me so I knew it had to be important. I was so afraid it was USF changing their mind, and it sounded that was as I
listened. My heart almost stopped as she finally said she was calling about UF. She said that they had only received two letters and if I faxed or hand delivered a letter by Monday at five, I would still be
considered. I was elated and headed back to see Reiskind who has a class just before my prokaryotic course in the same room.

     He was surprised to see me again and I asked if he could fax the letter to both schools, after calling USF to make sure it would be OK. He said yes and to bring me the stuff in his lab after class so he wouldn't lose it. That was cool too because I had been imagining getting in good with him as a lab assistant perhaps.

     So I skipped Immunology and ran to his lab where we had a nice little talk and he showed me his homepage on the web. He is designing it for his class so they can receive syllabi and old tests. I then
asked him about his research and asked if he needed any assistance in the lab. He had been talking about his mess since the beginning and said that he just might give me a call after he cleans up a little. He is researching spiders. I searched my mind as he showed me a few things for something intelligent to ask about spiders. I came up with asking him if he has done any work with silk production. He said no but ran to find an article about it and we talked about that for a
few minutes. It was pretty cool.

     The most divine intervention came in my food microbiology class. I told father this whole story over the weekend and he made fun of me for not believing in "guardian angels" and we made references to Granny. I approached him about having the interview which ended at 3:30 in Tampa, and his exam began at five. He said it's not his problem, but then said to see him after class and that he'd need documentation which I had.

     I knew something was up though which might affect everybody because he was very pissed off and kept saying that he hoped everybody was here today. It turns out that the university administrators began enforcing a rule that if you get a testing room through them instead of through your own college, then you have to have your test during the last two evening classes from 8:20 on! And he does that because he can get big comfortable rooms that way. So we voted to take it at night instead of during class and that easily gave me enough time to study, eat, and get back to Gainesville before the exam. Interesting...

     Kristen had purchased one blue and one orange piece of poster board after shadowing on Friday. When we both got home, we used it to make a poster saying "GO CHRISSY VOGEL". I made orange block letters that we glued onto the blue. It came out very symmetrical and looks really nice. Chrissy is a friend of Kristen's in her education classes whom I met at Publix once, and have sat with her mother at a gymnastics meet before. We met Shari and Kevin there and got front row comfortable seats on the upper tier. I then hung the sign on the railing in front of us. Everyone kept looking at it and liking it. Chrissy later said that everyone else saw it first and asked her if she had seen her sign.

     I took one of the black and white photographs that Kristen and I got at homecoming when the Tower Yearbook was giving away the older pictures. It showed Kristen Guise, our number one player, on the first place podium with Chrissy Vogel with another girl from another team tied on the second. After the meet I found where Kristen Guise was signing autographs and presented her the picture. She thought it was really cool compared to the programs and posters she was used to
signing. I then had Chrissy sign by her. It's a neat souvenir.

     We didn't leave for Tampa until Saturday morning. We ended up going over to my house that afternoon, and then sitting around hers all day Sunday watching movies and studying. I also tried on my suit and Kristen's father let me borrow one  of his Save the Children ties. It was the one President Clinton wore and got reamed by the Times for being frivolous. Once they discovered it was designed by a twelve year old named Dana and the proceeds go to end child abuse, the Times were forced to eat their words. I kept getting "complimented" by everyone from my interviewers, to the director, Jay Layman, and med students. I finally asked a student if it was in bad taste and he said no, that it was a cheer you up tie. Cool, maybe.

     Kristen drooped me off at about seven fifteen. We had stopped at Burger King and I picked up two croissanwichs. As soon as we got there I had to take the biggest crap ever, and ran to find a
bathroom. It was unfortunate because I had spent so long straightening myself. I barely made it and exploded. I then had only a few minutes to eat before heading into the conference room. There
were only two people in there, a girl from FSU who was very outgoing and quite attractive, and someone with very abundant lips. The room quickly filled up though to just under twenty-five people, four from UF. One was a mother of two who looked seventeen and was very cute. One was a second timer who was wearing pants and a denim shirt, tie, and casual shoes with a evening shadow. The other I talked to for most of the day. Reiskind had told me that one other person asked him
for a letter and was going today, so I picked him out as the one and surprised him when I asked. It was funny.

     The day seemed extremely casual and I could have potentially gone home at ten-thirty, but I would have missed the free lunch and "wonderful" tour. It turned out that we were interviewed by
professors who were not on the selection committee which seemed a little strange. And mine were scheduled thirty minutes apart with the second being way out at Moffit leaving me almost no time for the first one. It turned out that the first guy didn't show anyway, and the office said he was a sore topic down there and they'd reschedule another one probably for the afternoon, so I headed to the second (first).

     It was with a throat cancer doctor who didn't seem to like me very much. He began by talking about my social problems course in which I got a C. He said later that he hadn't even looked at the
grade and was just curious about the course. He then grilled me on my low MCAT writing sample even though I got credit for AP English. I also defended myself by winning the PRIDE, etc. We chatted for a few minutes about the hospitals in the surrounding areas and about how theme parks have helped me learn to deal with a diverse group of people. I almost lost my voice this weekend and I asked him why, and he said it's viral if I don't have a fever. But it sucked.

     Fortunately they had found me another interviewer as soon as I got back, with a Dr. Ackerman from surgery. He was Sean Connery in looks, age, voice... everything. The kind of person I idolize because of the stature and prominence he portrays. We sat on the soft couches in the faculty lounge so his bum wouldn't hurt. He ended up talking three times more than I did, and I talked a ton, for a total of forty-five minutes!!! He didn't have my records because of the rescheduling so we impromptued. We talked about the Gators, about my volunteer experience, and why I started volunteering. He thought it was extremely good that I did so on my own before I even knew I
wanted to be a doctor (because Kostas made me go with him).

     His only association with UF is that he has a new son in law who graduated from there. He did say that I truly impressed him for being able to get through a school as confusing as UF without quitting or changing my mind fifty times and that shows a one-mindedness and a commitment to medicine of sorts. We chatted about the future of medicine and the roles computers, government influences, and other things will have. He says it's an amazing field that is always renewing itself and we talked about having to be educated for a lifetime.

     He is from South Africa, but spent four years as in "residency" in London before coming here. Now he loves Florida and never wants to leave. We just kept talking and talking and had a fabulous time. I was quite uplifted by that talk and it almost made the trip worth it. We finally called it quits and he said he wanted me to let him know what happens, regardless of what I do, and can get a hold of him through Debbie at admissions. Hmm...

     We then went to lunch which was an array of very big sandwiches, some cookies, and a soda. It was nice but I got roast beef which isn't the easiest thing to eat because the fat will cause pieces of
your sandwich to yank out when you take a bite. But oh well. We thought about skipping the tour and leaving but it came sooner than scheduled and I learned a few things. They actually have a huge set
of clinics there and you get more clinical experiences as a med student at USF than anywhere else. they are also ranked nationally with their computer department.    

I ended up calling Kristen before one but she and her mother were at lunch. The girl who answered called me John, too. I ended up having to wait until two before she got there and we headed back to
Gainesville. I spent a lot of the time sitting on the sidewalk out by the main road under a tree, but walked back later and met up with the FSU girl. We found a bench and talked for a while. She has already interviewed at UF, and I asked her when she got this interview. She said it was back in December, like mine, so I asked if she had completed her application yet. She said yes, of course. I then said that I mailed mine after I got the interview and she seemed quite surprised. She also said that she knew a girl who got in because one of her interviewers didn't show up and they couldn't get another so instead of making her come back and inconveniencing her, they let her straight in. I wonder if that's all of the story, though.

January 9, 1996 - Tuesday - UF Classes

     My year started a little sadder than my life has been lately, when I didn't see Nedda at all the first two days of class last week. It's not that I really looked, especially since I sat in the second row, but I seemed to run into everyone else so why not her, too. I waited for my two hours of class yesterday afternoon studying German flashcards. I was wearing just shorts and a flannel, with a jacket at my side, despite the fact that the wind chill this morning when I biked to class was in the single digits! Just before everyone who had waited for the class ahead of us to end started heading inside, Nedda
bounced up and pulled on my sleeve.

     I cheered right up. Even more so when she admitted that she thought classes started Monday and not Thursday, which is why I hadn't seen her. She called me crazy for being in shorts and I refuted by saying I brought my jacket "in case" it got tonight. He he. Her friend Erika was there and I let her motion me to come sit with her.

     Fortunately her annoying and loud friend Justin only has the second class with her and my ass was firmly planted next to hers long before he got there, and whined. I'm praying that she will still let
me sit by her from now on in view of this fact...     

We talked about our breaks, of course, and how she sews a lot in the rare instance that she has any free time. She makes a lot of her own dresses and some stuff for her sister and cousin. She turned to
me at one point and asked if I had gotten an A in biochemistry and looked away in disgust when I said yes. She did admit that he got a B, but the rest of her grades are "none of my business", as usual,
which means she thinks she did worse than me. I've never had such a tough time getting certain personal information out of a girl who is otherwise so revealing. Maybe there's the challenge?

      I did kiss ass during one class when Previc came in and put a pile of handouts in the front of the auditorium style room and told everyone to pick one up. It was a mad rush over tiny, tiny chairs with huge people in them, so I offered to get them each one. I headed to the back which was closer where he had placed a few and picked up the LAST two, so had to climb over everyone up front anyway. I was glad to do the service, though.

     We were talking about Previc during his class. He was supposed to be dead or retired at least considering he had triple bypass or something in November. I've always known him as a slow witted piece of shit in his role as my advisor, who will always say no to any flexibility off of stringent graduation, but then won't even help with that. He's a better repeater of information in class though than communicator in his office, at least. Nedda said something derogatory about him and I asked if she wasn't having just the best time in his class, to which she frowned. I then asked if it wasn't love at first sight (kind of going off topic!). She replied that she doesn't believe in love at first sight... and I left THAT alone for now...

     I was happiest as we left our classes and all got lost in the crowd. I figured it would be as it used to be and we would just part without a goodbye. But wait! Up ahead, she turned around and picked
me out to give me a big smile and wave goodbye! Cool. Not really a big deal, but if it makes me happy, I want more!!! Actually I'd rather her say hello to me like that than goodbye...

November 29, 1995 - Wednesday - UF with Nedda

     Playing with Nedda has gotten me on one of those little roller coaster trips that make life oh so much fun. But we are new to the game so it's more like a kiddie ride than anything serious... I saw her in class on Monday and was excited when she decided to sit in my row instead of one row up with the guy she always sits with. She said hi to me and asked me how my birthday was. I said good, and asked about Thanksgiving. That was all. She moved up a row the next period and I didn't talk to her again.

     What's funny is that I'll have a really cool day with her, but then the next time we'll hardly talk, if at all. I'll just sit there and think that it really doesn't matter anyway because of Kristen, and because we'd probably be sent far apart from each other through the horrible course of grad schools and jobs. It just wouldn't be practical. But then I'll talk to her again... like today.

     We started by her friend asking her about studying this Saturday, but he wants to watch the game, too. She turned to me and asked if I knew when it was and I said it was around eight which surprised him. A guy behind us them confirmed my guess so I was cool, right? During genetics she turned to me and said she was going to come and sit by me. I smiled big and clapped my hands in joy. She said there is this Asian guy with long hair who always sits by her and she doesn't like him. Sure enough he came and was looking at her and smiling... her friend, Erika Jasmine was guarding her flank, however.

     She wanted to tell me her latest exploits from the pathology department. I think she saw an amputated leg with a huge sore on the foot, down to the tendons, and a malformed placenta. I told her how I tried to find out about volunteering there and she said that I should just come with her next Monday. But I can't! I have a parasitology lab practical at that time, unfortunately... damn.

     We eventually were talking about Thanksgiving and I told her how sad I was that she didn't bring me leftovers like she said she would. She claimed there was nothing left, and didn't really think I was
expecting anything after I told her I hadn't eaten that morning in anticipation. It was cute.

     I happened to look at her attendance scantron and saw that her social security number was quite similar to mine. ###-##-####! I accused her of cheating and when she saw my number she exclaimed that "You're the one!" (I hope so!) and then explained that she always sees that there are two people with the same exam number posted. In genetics it is done by the last four digits, and your initial. I had
always seen that one, too... A "N" with no middle name, which is right. Cool. She said that out of all the people, it just HAD to be me. Of course it did.

     During class our teacher was reading a list of ALL the food items that have potential carcinogens in them. Saffron was one of them and she said how her family eats that with rice. She then seemed
quite surprised when I said that I eat that all of the time as well. She said that it's a persian dish, I just know it as yellow rice... I then waited for her after class to say goodbye to Erika and we headed out towards biochemistry. I actually didn't think I was going to go, as usual, unless she let me sit by her. She even said she looked for me the other day "down in my little corner" but I wasn't there. But I
had to go volunteer anyway and was meeting Kristen for lunch there.

     Nedda mentioned that she was hungry and wished that she had gone to her car to get it. I told her that she should and that I would walk with her. She didn't think we should until I said I didn't
really care about class and was just going to volunteer later. That was enough and we cut through the lot behind the biology building. I was going to walk back up the road but she wanted to take the little
path through the woods. I was elated that she wanted to go that way because it shows trust, especially with a guy you don't really know on a path as secluded as that one, in Gainesville where freaks kill
and eat people somewhat frequently.

     We went the back way between the sewage treatment plant and the electricity plant on a path I had never been on before. She showed me a water retention pond with a very large alligator in it and we
stopped and looked for a few minutes. We were also bird watching and joked about the fact that we were. We saw a couple of cardinals, some finches, and a pretty egret. I was also telling her about scuttling up next to the alligators at Lake Wauberg.

     We made it out to her car, an emerald Grand Am, that she unlocked the trunk of with the touch of a button on her keychain. She pulled out her lunch and I noticed her MCAT scores. She refused to
tell me saying that it's none of my business. I've noticed she is like that with any test score so I reminded her that it won't be hard anymore with our social security numbers being the way they are. She fretted in agreement and later said that now I can change all of her registration and stuff. I told her I couldn't because I needed the pin number, so she wouldn't tell me her birthday which is what she kept it at. Fool.

     We made it all of the way up to the biochemistry door before I decided to go ahead and go in with her. I stood by her seat for a minute talking to her before asking if I could sit there. She said only if I have a potato chip so I gladly took one. I joined her after quickly running upstairs to check my exam grades. We studied for a while and talked about other things. I was making her laugh and she called me strange at one point. Oh well...

     I was just so happy to sit with her two periods in a row, making it hopefully much more than just a one class random event. We'll see, I guess.

November 24, 1995 - Friday - Lonely drunken birthday

     Nothing better than a drunken stupor to entice the best of journal entries. It's amazing how my fingers move so fast without my head much knowing what they are doing. This must be the best time to express myself... I just realized how the first two days of this Thanksgiving break, while Kristen is down in Tampa has been an extremely wondeful vacation. She would be rather upset to hear this
but I must say that it is so.

     I just "stumbled" home from the Purple Porpoise, one of Gainesville's most famous college bars. I dressed up all spectacular not knowing what tp expect. I wore my black Levis, my Timberlands, my
best flannel shirt with blue in it to accent my eyes... etc. I was rather optemistic as I prepared myself. I packed a pen to write phone numbers, a Gold Circle condom, my pack of Marlboro lights, a lighter,
and any other essentials that I just can't imagine now. It's funny how it looks like I am typeing so fast but the entry is lengthening so slowly. And my fingers fall short of the desired key quite frequently.

     I started my birthday celebration by having a full shot (at least!) of my newly aquired Goldschl„ger birthday present to myself. It came with a free candelabra wine/shot glass that was very nice and a symbol of my twety-first birthday. I wanted the huge jug of Malibu with the free mug, but could never have carried that on my backpack. I headed out and got a couple of looke from cute girls that appeared like they wanted me. I wish. I went to the bicycle shop where I bought a seat bolt in January and he let me return in no problem. that gave me an extra five bucks of guilt free spending money.

     I toured the local used CD shops but nothing was very interesting. I wwnt as far as Specs but their prices were blown away by the mall today. I dreamt of going to Kaos tonight where they are having an UF-FSU amateur fight and then the famous hot body contest. I would have loved that, but walking or biking would have probably gotten me robbed by a black man. Such crimes are extremely frequent
these days as reported by the school newspaper. I consented to go to the Porpoise despite the fact that it would be much harder to make it out alive.

     As the Goldscl„ger wore off, I got more and more nervous about going into a bar, which I know nothing about. I went in and the fool doorman said I am not twenty-one yet but let me in after I let him know how stupid he is. I went and stood by the bar like a fool and felt like everyone was laughing at me, but probably weren't. I finally got a seat and two bartenders passed up my stupid attempts to figure out what to drink. Eventually a gorgeous girl asked me and I had her tell me what was on draft since I couldn't read it from where I was/ I knew there was a special and opted for it... a pitcher of Miller, afraid that it was disgusting. I asked her if they still do birthday specials and she said yes and made me up the strongest, Sex on the Beach. It was good!

     My pitcher turned out to be pretty tasty. A guy came and sat to might right and asked if that wasn't a lot of beer for one person. I admitted that it was but said I would try, and finished the whole
thing rather quickly. The Nebraska game soon ended and I realized that nothing could happen there like I wanted... so I headed home. Even now I can tilt my head back and feel fucking AMAZING!!! I'm going to lye down now and enjoy myself........

November 22, 1995 - Wednesday - Smiles return with Nedda

     I finally had a good day after such a long time of emotional distress. I can't remember being this genuinely excited about life in quite some time. It's horrible to think that I wasted so much of one
of my last undergraduate semesters deserted by happiness.

I don't even know where to begin... so much has been happening but I haven't felt good enough about any of it until now to write about it.

     I've met this fabulous girl named Nedda Salehi, originally born here in St. Augustine, but has an Iranian ethnicity. Her family returned to Iran after her birth and didn't return until she was around nine.

 I had noticed her a few times before I ever met her during one of my morning classes. She had a mystical appeal to her. Her hair is extremely long down to at least the small in her back. She is
somewhat petite but carries herself very well... almost floats.

    And look at this new annoying habit... of pausing as I write... kind of like the infamous pause acting by Captain Kirk of the starship Enterprise... I picked it up from Kristen's cousin Marcy,
whom is another story entirely...

     Nedda... There was an exam today in Eukaryotic Cell Structure which I basically had to ace to salvage my grade in that class. Parasitology was cancelled because of Turkey Day, which gave me an
extra hour. I headed to the library early with Shari and Kristen as they walked to their education classes on the far side of campus. Just as we passed the computer lab, Laura LaRussa walked out and I waved and said hi, but kept on. Moments later Kristen said that girl tried to walk up behind us like she was going to talk to me and was surprised when I said it was Laura. It's so strange to think back
about the decisions I made that summer and the consequences that resulted...

     It figured that some shit had beat me to the library, just minutes after it had opened, and checked out the sample test material I needed. I headed to class and studied until it was exam time. Something interesting happened during the test... it was proctered by three of the major microbiology professors! A lot of people were impressed to see them all together at once. Dr. Achey from last semester even came up and asked how I was doing... he then said that he sees a lot of familiar faces that look one year older. He then asked if he looks one year younger and I said of course. He thanked
me and went on...

     Many unhappy people were forced to remain on campus because Dr. Duggan refused to cancel his microbial genetics class. He cited that we have many important things to cover despite the fact that he spent two days talking about cancer which will never be on the exam. I have started making a point to sit by this group of girls in the Alpha Delta Phi sorority. I am in particular love with Molly McButter... no, Addison. One of the group, unfortunately the least appealing, is a scrawny blonde with a funny shaped face that tries to talk football with us guys in parasitology lab. Her name is Jennifer L. Anderson (although I do not know this). She has finally begun to accept me as someone to sit next to and has done so for the past few days. Today she even borrowed my pencil... WOW! (severe sarcasm). that's actually good because she accepts me as at least a normal person and not a
freak, hopefully.

     Only Jenn and Molly showed today, and then Nedda sat on their far side and we said hi to each other. Jenn wanted to suddenly move to the back so they could leave as soon as role was taken. I quickly (and to my own amazement) became happy that Molly left! I can't believe I felt that way. Nedda moved over to talk for a minute... We hadn't even said hello in a long time until last Friday for a brief minute. We started talking and she ended up getting her stuff and staying with me.

     When I told her I wasn't going home for Thanksgiving, she was all surprised and seemed to feel bad for me. I told her it is because I want to complete my medical applications. She said I could do so at home but I said my computer is up here. She then said that she would have invited me to HER house if she had known that!!! I WISH!!! She lives in Ocala, by the way. I felt quite a glow inside at that comment. When I told her that it's my birthday, too, she seemed even more surprised that I was going to be alone. We mentioned the UF-FSU game briefly, and talked about how she's never been to a game yet.

     She asked me at one point if I wanted to listen to Duggan and take notes, or talk... and guess what I opted for? He always yells at people and I was quite pleases that he didn't yell at us when we
ended up talking all period, especially since a third of the class was gone. She started telling me about volunteering in the surgical pathology department. I mentioned a four week old baby that had dies
of full cardiac arrest in the ER last week. I also mentioned the suspected anal abuse... very sad.

     She told me how she has seen and played with lymph nodes that were removed due to cancer, a kidney, and liver tissue, and quite a few stones. She told me how tumorous tissue looks pretty disgusting, and how human skin is really hard to cut with a scalpel and dulls the blade much more quickly than one would suspect. She was drawing little pictures of everything on her paper and it was getting quite detailed. I joked that he has to go back and label everything now, and we did it together.

     She thought I was laughing at her at one point about telling me all of this because of the way I was smiling at her. I told her I was definitely not, and she then explained how she likes talking to me about this because I am the only one who will listen to her about it and she wants to talk about it. I suddenly experienced a second ball of warmth... I've always loved hearing a girl say how much she likes talking to me because I'll actually listen. I later asked her if that was really such a good thing.. that we both like dead tissue?

     At one point he yelled at the people a few rows ahead of us to shut up so people around them can learn. She asked if he was talking to us on the paper and I asked her what? She then wrote asking if I
can read? Her grammar wasn't perfect so I said yes, I can read ENGLISH. She then wrote "English" in Arabic. I've always thought Arabic is a beautiful written language and asked her if she could
write her name, since I saw that she wasn't fluent. She did and then explained how words are written backwards, but numbers aren't. And the books are read from the "back to the front" of the book.

     I was trying to show interest and she seemed surprised and glad that I was. She started trying to remember the alphabet and write it down. I asked her about the letters in her name and she explained them to me, and then wrote the names of the letters above each one in her alphabet. At the end of class I asked her if I could have that page. She seemed surprised that I wanted it and said she would have written a nicer copy if she had known. I then said I had wanted the whole page with the drawings, too, so when she is famous I can say she drew this when... and we laughed.

      As class ended some dork came up and asked her how the test was. I refused to lose her again like the first time we walked together to biochemistry and was persistent. When he was done, he
asked if her name was Nedda and seemed proud that he remembered it... I almost felt embarrassed for him. We then started walking. I told her I wasn't going to biochem, and she scolded me. I said I was
hungry and was going home for lunch. Unfortunately, I only had an hour to eat and get ready before Kristen was driving me to Shands to volunteer as she headed home to Tampa. I never wished more that I didn't have to meet her to say goodbye, because I would have gone on one of my infamous walks like in the days of old.

     It's so hard to be nice with Nedda, though, because she will always try to walk as far as possible with me, while I am doing the same thing with her. She is too easy like that with me. She quickly
decided that he should go to her car and get her lunch and I smiled. If I didn't have to meet Kristen I would have gone with her... SHIT. She mentioned something about having to arrive an hour early to get a parking space, and then sits in her car and waits for class. It reminded me of how anal I am about being early and often used to sit in my Mustang once I got to work and all. But I didn't admit that because the similarity might only be in MY head.

     I asked her what she does for Thanksgiving if anything. Her mom cooks a big turkey dinner with all of the classic fixins like sweet potatoes (which she doesn't like because potatoes aren't supposed to
be sweet). I told her that if she has any leftovers that I'd be very happy if she brought me some... but I don't know if she thinks I was serious. I hope she does.

     We were talking about the body more. I brought up how amazing I thin it is that all of those organs are packed so neatly in such a tight little space as I looked at her tiny little chest. She agreed
and we were talking about where things are. I explained the trick about finding your stomach, and she said why you have to be careful performing CPR so the bottom of the sternum won't puncture your
liver! We were also talking about he orientation of your kidneys because she got that wrong when the doctor in pathology asked her if she knew...

     I was quite turned on by her when she was touching herself pointing out her organs. When she found her lower ribs to find her stomach, I especially liked it. She was wearing a very classy outfit
today and looked very nice. It was a long v-neck emerald sweater with a very sexy lacy undershirt... YUM!    

 I also brought up a conversation Kristen and I were having this morning. I told her it is domestic violence awareness week and asked her if she's hit anyone at home yet to celebrate. She laughed in
surprise, and I explained myself. People celebrate black history month in order to learn black history and put it to use. So violence week means you have to hit someone in order to appreciate not doing
so all the time. I asked how we should celebrate AIDS week, perhaps running around all week trying to get it by having sex. She suggested that we just have a sex week... and took her turn surprising me... I just didn't expect to hear something like that from her...

     We soon parted near the parking lot, unfortunately...
    

October 2, 1995 - Monday

     Kristen tried her hardest to get us in trouble this weekend. Snip...

September 27, 1995 - Wednesday - Meeting Nedda Salehi

     I made an attempt to be seen today and wanted to look as good as possible doing so. It was volunteer day so I got to "dress up" in jeans (tight!) and white shirt anyway. I had a test second period and I tried a new seat in the front left corner. Some little weirdo hick girl kept talking to me which was good, because the girl of interest was just behind me. I don't know anything about her except she's similar in style to Jen Merritt from over the summer. She's of a bigger build, not at all fat, with gorgeous hair and an overall very sensuous look. I got to hear her talk today... but nothing special,
her voice wasn't music to my ears or any magical bullshit like that.

     I eventually moved on to biochemistry where I spoke with a guy about our exam scores. I've known him for along time and he knows me from organic as being able to study for two nights and blow away a test. I did the same on this one, only missing four of fifty with a class average of 64.32! There ended up being one empty seat next to me and that unfortunately meant the two cute girls that have sat next to and talked to me wouldn't this time. I was well prepared to tell all the little Chinese kids and other dorks that the seat was saved waiting for the first (cute) girl to ask for it.

     But up popped one of my duo! It was the one that I would have never expected to sit with me on her own because I couldn't answer any of her questions before the exam and I have never really talked to her much besides that. And it was the one that I most wanted to brag to about my exam score and was afraid I wouldn't get the chance. When she told me she missed seventeen, I felt kind of bad for her, especially after telling her I only studied those few days. She seemed "amazed" that I got the entire set of sequencing problems right when I had just learned how to do them before the test.

     She seemed compelled to prove to me that she's not stupid, which is more of what I had imagined her personality to be like. She said that she had gotten a 93 of the anatomy and physiology exam the day before and an A on her analytical chemistry exam. She told me that she is in the college of pharmacy. She went on telling me about the brain doctor she worked with when she was at Florida State and how his specialty was the internal time clock mechanisms. I told herabout the brain surgery I viewed last semester.

     She then mentioned something about her friend Lisa and asked if I knew her. I think she assumed that we knew each other because Lisa always sat by me and talked to me during class. I said no, and asked if it was the one who always brings everything to class (lunchbag, violin, etc.) and she laughed and agreed. She said that Lisa was sitting further back and I was even more surprised that they didn't
sit together. I then asked her name and I believe she replied with Marilyn but for some reason I heard Maryland.

     I ran into Marinka before class and we joked around for a few minutes. She asked if I would mind if she came over and got me inebriated sometime next week and I said not at all. She claims it's
for an experiment where the person has to react to objects in a black box, but I'm not so sure...

     I met up with Kristen and we clocked in at the emergency room. There was a girl at the desk who looked like a young doctor until I realized that it was a girl from one of my classes wearing a PSO
coat. She was talking about Jeff, saying that he has three of the same classes as she and to our surprise I have not only the same three, but biochemistry as well! She said that she made quite a few
stupid mistakes on the biochem exam but I never found out her score. When Jeff arrived we compare answers from our exam this morning and suddenly we all were friends. How cute.

     Her name is Nedda Salehi and was born in St. Augustine but lived her first eight years in Iran, where her parents are from. She has very long and pretty brown hair. We talked the entire time and were running around doing things together. It was pretty neat to have a partner and I think we'll get to see some cool stuff together if we keep this up. It was also neat how well we got along and kept talking on and on. I got to tell her about working at Busch Gardens and Disney and my interest in zoology. She really seemed to like that and was saying how she even likes parasitology quite a bit which is unusual for a girl. I was also pleased with myself for coming up with some pretty witty jokes, making both of them laugh. And best of all was when Jeff started making fun of her name after I had been serious the whole time. I don't think she appreciated that and I laughed as he scored negative brownie points.

     It also just now starting to settle in as to what I really did this summer. I'm starting to appreciate it for the amazing opportunity that it was. I actually LIVED in Disney World!!! I was able to roam the world for free and enjoy it at my leisure in a manner that most people could only dream about. I think as soon as I get my photo album together, the summer will take on even more meaning and I will realize how wonderful it was as a whole, and not as how pathetic my actual work location was.

September 26, 1995 - Tuesday - Christalee Itchetucknee

     I walked down the ramp of the stadium with my three freshly acquired football tickets in my hand. I glanced up and thought I saw a familiar face but the sun was in my eyes and I couldn't yet tell. I
bowed my head and prayed. Not today. I have a cold. I looked like crap because I only have one class this morning. Oh please be her! And then she called my name and a very large smile appeared across my face.

     Erin Wilcox. We moved to hug each other, hesitated a frightening moment, and then carried through. She looked very good and I made time to walk with her most of the way to her class. How ironic it was that Kristen changed plans on me at the last minute because of a lab
she had to do when it was actually her turn to get the tickets. Does one recall twists of fate? Read.
  
  I spoke as if I didn't already know where she lived or what her phone number is. Instead she mentioned her e-mail account and told me to write her if I get a chance. In desperate fashion, she had a message just hours later. It's just been so long since I've played with her.

     She hates everyone from work pretty much but was telling the few of them she has run into lately. Nilsa in a grocery store, and Brian lives right by her boyfriend (YUK!). I mentioned how I saw everyone over the summer at Pleasure Island on Nilsa's birthday, making sure she knew I had moved on to Disney. She did get "excited" and said it is much better there, for she had always been the one that wanted to work at Disney far more than Busch. In fact, she was the first person who put the idea of college program in my head.

     Meanwhile at home, Kristen and I have made good friends with one of her roommates, Christalee Michelle Catherine Muller. Krista is a local hick with dreams of becoming either a doctor or a highly
acclaimed researcher. She went to the last football game with us and that night, she and I talked for five hours! while Kristen lay sleeping on the couch. She said that it was really good to talk to
someone who actually had a clue what she was talking about philosophically and could actually talk back without sitting there staring blankly. It was pretty refreshing and we learned a lot about
each other that "first" day.

     Krista was upset after her biology exam the other day so Kristen came and got me from the downstairs library so we could cheer her up by having milkshakes. The day after our talk, I had given Krista all of my Discover magazines, my Garth Brooks zoomer CD, and my blender to make shakes. I had said I would, but she was surprised I did so quickly. This was all in lieu of her saying I could have her National geographic collection which ended up being a good size boxful that filled a good number of spaces. Anyway, we used my blender to make blackberry-cookies-n-cream shakes and proceeded to raise her spirits quite a bit.

     Kristen had to run to my room at one point and Krista had yet to tell me what she had scored. I knew I could get her to tell me if we were alone, so I urged Kristen on. I then quickly found out her score and told her how poorly I had done on the same test. It turned out working very well because I later found out that she had told Kristen that he didn't want to tell, me her score because I might think she's stupid! I felt like a psychologist again and was so glad to see her in a better mood.

     We all went to Ichetucknee this Sunday and had a pretty good time tubing although it was overcast and the girls got very cold. It was quite nipply and thus a very pleasant experience for me. I was out of my tube most  of the way, either swimming or walking the bottom of the river. It was really pretty. We later stopped in High Springs where Krista had grown up and went to all of the antique shops and saw a lot of cool stuff.

August 22, 1995 - Thursday - Adventures

     School has started once again and a whole new set of adventures
has sprung up for Kristen and I to experience. Snip...

May 8, 1995 - Monday - Dealing with Disney

     Life has been horribly stressful lately. I'm finally back in
Tampa but am still dazed and confused, for I still don't know whether
or not I will have a job at Disney this summer. I pray I won't have
to sit on my ass at home all summer either waiting until the girls
get out of school to work at Busch or getting some measly little
shithead job around here. I guess I could bike to a local job if I
really needed to, like Kmart or something, but probably not.

     When I called Disney last Monday night to verify the receipt of
my job confirmation form and the money order for the housing deposit,
they said that it had not yet arrived. I mailed the damn thing
priority mail back on April thirteenth and I was suddenly scared to
death. She didn't really know what to tell me except that hopefully
it will soon arrive (they will find it!!!). I put out a mail trace
the next morning and called Disney back. This time a different woman
told me that she would go ahead and verbally accept me (whatever that
means) and have my file processed. It especially sucked because I
might not get the type of housing I wanted or the particular business
seminars that interested me. And to think I worked so hard to get it
mailed back to them in the first place.

     Marlon and I set up his computer to receive a fax and then
called Disney back. It was yet another woman who called up my name on
the computer and said that I was indeed verbally accepted (relief, to
show that the other girl wasn't just saying that) and faxed me
another copy of the form so I could get the faculty advisor signature
again. They asked if I would be able to send another money order and
I quickly said that it wouldn't be a problem. A few minutes later
Marlon's phone rang and they transmitted the form. He printed it out
and I took it to the copy center to enlarge it. After getting Doctor
Reiskind to sign it again, I went to the bank and bought another
money order, while putting a trace on the first one. that way they
will refund it to me after sixty days, or send me a cancelled
photocopy of the money order showing who endorsed it.

     I'm impatiently waiting until I can again call Disney and see if
I'm ready to go. I hate to even imagine what might have happened if
they never received my forms and I got up there next Tuesday, only to
be turned away. Believe me, I would raise hell. I will be prepared
with photocopies of everything I have mailed when I arrive just in
case. Kristen went with her family and some relatives to Universal
Studios on Saturday with a side trip through Vista Way, the apartment
complex. She said it looks very nice, and has a smaller grocery store
called Food Lot just across the way. It all sounds so wonderful that
I hate to get my hopes up until I'm in my apartment, for I have said
all along that I won't believe that it's true until that point in
time.

     As I left the post office that afternoon I ran across a street
to see someone waving at me in a car to come closer. It ended up
being Jamie who told me to get in and asked me where I was going. I
was so relieved not to have to walk all of the way home then, and I'm
afraid she will never know how much I appreciated her generosity
right then. It really cheered me up just to get to talk to someone
besides Kristen about all that happened. We joked about why she never
came and saw my room before and I came really close to asking her up
for a few minutes but she seemed like she was in such a hurry.
Besides, I already knew some guy was coming to spend the night with
her so I didn't want to waste her time. We ran into each other
Thursday night again and she yelled at me to stop following her
around everywhere. It was cute.

     All of this "flirting" I have done with Jamie lately has really
freaked Kristen out quite a bit. She's not entirely jealous, she just
doesn't understand how I can possibly want to be nice to Jamie.
Kristen thinks Jamie is one of the meanest people and explains quite
often how Jamie was friends with everyone in their hall in the
beginning, and now everyone hates her. She even compared her to Leigh
Anne, from as much as she learned about her through reading my
journal. I just like her a lot because she's just as sarcastic as I
am, but still seems quite caring inside. I've explained to Kristen
that I also don't have to hate Jamie just because she doesn't really
like her, I'm not that kind of person.

     I was afraid once again and had been for a while that I might
have lost yet another wonderful friend from my life. I hadn't talked
with Kimmeth since December and I had been the last to call. I
started being more optimistic though, that if she wasn't dead or
married, that everything would be all right and we could easily catch
up after only a four month hiatus, considering we live so far apart
at the moment. On the weekend before exams I arrived home to find a
message from the goddess herself asking what I'm up to and to please
give her a call tomorrow (Sunday). Kristen was over both days and as
we started making spaghetti on Sunday night, she headed down to the
community ovens to bake the garlic bread. I took the opportunity to
call Kim, and she was home and sounded quite happy to hear from me.

     She shared all of the latest stories about her life with me,
including the latest strange dreams she's had. I pouted at one point,
wondering why she doesn't have any wild dreams about me. She tried
quickly to remember any recent ones but said that as soon as she has
a juicy one, she'll let me know. And besides, they usually come true!
I was surprised at how much I was talking about myself, way more that
normal. She sounded very excited about my volunteering in the
operating and emergency rooms at the hospital and loved my stories
about the surgeries I have seen.

     She offered to help me find a job if I needed to come down there
for the summer (if Disney doesn't work out) which would be awesome.
They're paid ten dollars an hour to clean boats and I'd work damn
hard for her. We were also briefly talking about us, and how she
needs to get a boyfriend quick so I can steal her away from him, in
reference to my normal style. I also said that we had our chance that
summer and she left me. She agreed that we came really close but
unfortunately she wasn't happy in Tampa but reassured me quite a bit
that it wasn't because of me at all. She sounded sincere enough to
make me wonder (and regret) things a little bit. Had I only stayed in
Tampa and gone to USF... (I'm not really that bad, but it's
definitely a thought worth pondering).

     It was just so good to talk to her again, and to reinforce one
of the tiny bits of consistency in my life.

April 23, 1994 - Saturday - Ashley up a tree, ESP

It's been another fun filled Saturday night cracking the books, and yet another night of imperviously searching for a place where we ARE allowed to study on campus for the upcoming final exams. It seems quite ridiculous that we get kicked out of the buildings before midnight and the libraries at one. Why not have the two security guards that stand outside of Turlington's elevator making sure that nobody gets in do something constructive, like watch over the rooms while students are studying in them if all they're worried about is us vandalizing the building. However, if their concern is the concentration of students late at night to prevent lonely wanderers from becoming easy targets for crime, then I respect that. That aspect finally became apparent to me last night as for the first time, the guard asked Ashley and I if we would like for him to call an escort for us to get home. That's a good policy they've taken in that regard.

I called Ashley this evening after I talked to my mommy and after eating dinner. I was cooking while I was on the phone and heard all about how Chrissy has been eagerly driving my Mustang and that she really likes it. They kept thinking it might upset me but seemed happy that I am open minded and realistic enough to know that the best way to keep my car running is to keep it running! Kostas and Marty then came home and he was yelling and getting in my way and I ended up burning my fried eggs for my sandwich. My mother felt guilty because she said I burned them because I was talking to her. It was funny. Marty felt bad for me and both she and Chris offered me more eggs after I told my mom I was going to starve. I laughed and got off the phone with my mom to eat everything else. I thanked them and said that I just didn't want to take the time to cook anything else because my other food would get cold. The whole ordeal was quite a funny mess.

Anyway, I called Ashley and she told me that she had also just finished eating dinner. I then asked her if she was enjoying winter, for it had rained and turned unseasonably cold and miserable today. She agreed and said that she slept until noon and went outside for the first time just a little while ago. She then said that she had been putting all of next season's football games into her planner. She said that she had noticed my birthday and had just thought about me and realized that she needed to call me, but I called. I could have easily turned it into that conversation where you try to pick up someone by saying that your minds are working and thinking alike. I think that's worked out in every relationship I've ever had, most rememberable was Shar¡'s, and I think it has a lot to do with my extremely good perception that allows me to correctly guess what someone will do or say and then do it myself at the same time.

But since Ashley is falling for Daniel again, I left her alone. There was a little hesitation in our conversation at that point as I think we both realized talking about us was a little awkward. It seemed like after she first told me that she and Daniel were on good terms again, she was not sure how I would react. It was like she had hesitated because she had picked up on my subtle advances when she would talk of possibly moving on with her life. Now that she has seen that I still want to do things with her and we can continue to have fun regardless, things quickly got much better. I'm a little paranoid right now because I left my history of medicine notes with Jessica last night and Ashley said the two of them were busy deciphering them today as Jessica hand copied them. I have a bad habit of writing my true feelings down sometimes in my notes, or doodling someone's name for nor real reason, and I hoped I didn't write anything truly offensive.

Ashley called me yesterday and asked what I was doing for the evening. She then said she decided to study and wanted to know if I wanted to come along, otherwise she'd just go to the house. I said of course, and I soon headed down to her room. Jessica answered. We are always polite to each other but rarely talk, including in class. We did however on Thursday morning even though it was only about the exam, but we did walk out together. I brought up the class last night and we started talking about it in her room while Ashley was quickly cleaning up and getting ready. I was completely oblivious to Ashley as I became more and more amazed at the length of Jessica and my conversation. She ended up letting me borrow her Freud book for the night that I had yet to obtain or read. That was cool so I gave her my notes. I just loved seeing her tell me a story with a big smile on her face and a bit of excitement in her voice. I love that more than anything. I'll call it a social high from listening.

Ashley and I stopped by the fine arts building first to drop off some books at the library and there were a lot of freaks out there doing some strange presentations with multimedia and art. I wondered where Timothy Leary was hiding! It was really scary and we walked around looking at it. We also looked a a big display case of art reprints and I recognized a lot of them and felt special. She really likes Salvidor Dali and I really want to go to the museum in St. Pete now. I was talking to Jana today in art class about him because our teacher showed us one of his works. Some gorgeous chick named Ashley sat next to me in class and we both made sarcastic remarks every once in a while and we were crossing our legs way into each others' space. We also kept looking at each other while the other was looking partially away, but we knew. It really seemed like she was flirting back quite a bit. I looked at her name as she signed the roll, and she watched me sign mine as well. It was quite funny.

Ashley and I then went to Turlington and the conference room was open. We talked for a long time and joked around quite a bit. I even treated us to a soft drink for the caffeine during our study session. four hours later we were kicked out. We had a lot of energy at the time so we decided to head over to one of the two buildings where socialized late night studying existed. We talked a lot on the way over. We then wandered around Matherly looking at all of the full classrooms. She didn't want to go to the auditorium because we can't talk in there. We then broke into Bryan Hall which is very nice but all of the interior doors were locked. We joked that we were taking the middle of the night campus tour.

We finally went to the plaza in front of Criser Hall because even though it is outside, and it was midnight, it seemed brighter than day because of the intense white lights. We each sat on the wide brick railing that lines these big outdoor stairs and studied. I thought it was the funnies thing in the world and wondered out loud how few people have ever done this. I finished outlining an eight hundred page book in one night and then decided we could leave sometime before two.

We stopped to read the base of the statue because we had wondered who it was. It is Albert McCarthy, whom we think is the first president of UF. It was put up in 1946! We both thought it was neat that Albert the Alligator, our mascot, was named after the first president. There was white paint on his crotch where somebody had defaced him and she stood up on the base and touched it to see what it was. I laughed and said that would be a perfect picture! We then walked home and were talking and laughing about all of the weird things we kept seeing. We came to a giant oak tree in the middle of a field on the way home (we were no longer using sidewalks or roads). We were talking about how easy it would be to climb it, so she tried and we had a good laugh. I like Ashley. Smile.

April 19, 1994 - Tuesday - Ashley, off limits again

Daniel showed up and stayed for over three hours. Ashley got the encouraging talk she has long been waiting for. Ashley is off limits once again... I'm happy for her though because this will help her get through her exams far better than the reverse would have. This will also keep her attached all summer I'm hoping and prevent her from starting to date anybody new while we're home. Hey, I'm being optimistic! It's the only healthy thing to do. I truly am happy for her because she is happy and it's the first time I have felt like this for someone I have feelings for. Now our friendship can continue to grow.

I stayed home tonight just in case she came out of all this upset and needed me to be here. I organized all of my class notes so I can study most effectively now before my exams. I wondered whether or not she would call me even if things did turn out right for her. As it passed eleven I gave up on that idea. There was a floor meeting at nine and I had thought about meeting Jon down there. I got absorbed in my organizing and time slipped away from me. When Jon came upstairs he told me that I missed out because Ashley was down there with all of his roommates. He later told me that she had seemed rather happy when she enthusiastically said hi to him.

At eleven thirty her call came and I was quite relieved to hear her voice. She burned me on why I didn't come to the floor meeting and accused me of not wanting to see her. On the contrary... I then told her what had happened in chemistry lab before she started her story about what had happened. He actually paid his friend to take off and have dinner. That was cool. She was happy at the outcome of the whole thing but it seemed like she was hesitating at first about telling me what was up to make just I didn't get hurt by it, just in case... She joked later that she's finally not bitching to me and apologized for bitching so much for so long. I told her that I don't see it as that. I see it as the two of us talking to each other, conversing, and she thanked me for that a couple of times. I did also tell her that I stayed home for her just in case.

Roswitha soon showed up from studying downstairs and called her mommy. Today is her birthday and she bragged that one of Ed's roommates had baked her a cake with M&Ms all over it. That was cool. I also had the chance to talk to Eva from the tubing trip again today. She was waiting with me for the elevator and I provoked a conversation out of her about finals and all that. That was cool.

Earlier today I walked into lab fully prepared to tackle the extra credit unknowns to try and get enough points to make an A without the final or at least to ease the amount I need to get on the final. Today was locker check out and I chatted with the coordinator of lab for a second which is cool. I then ran around and found all of the extra test tubes and vials form all of the previous lab sections because those are always the most valuable possessions at the end because everybody, including myself, breaks them through the semester. I ended up with extras which meant I didn't have to pay thus I was very happy.

Greg, our teacher, then walked in and called me by name and asked if I was ready to get out of there. I told him I still have to do an unknown to raise my points. He then surprised the fuck out of me by saying that he thinks I already have an A!!!!!!!!! He then showed me in the grade book how I have 914.5 and all you need is 900. There was an A already penciled in next to that number and he told me to get my ass out of there! To suddenly go from knowing you have to do an unknown, one of the most dreaded experiences of lab, to not, it causes an amazing elation. All I use to hear last year was how unknowns sucked and I saw how depressed they were after doing one. I actually found them challenging and fun. I also love the chemistry department now and bragged about how my chemistry teacher did me right.

After telling Chris that I love the chemistry department, and yesterday telling him how I'm not looking forward to this semester ending, he must think I'm nuts! I've just been having too much fun. I like laying out at the pool, I've been getting great mental satisfaction through all of my studying, and have been enjoying my freedom lately.

April 18, 1994 - Monday - Ashley comes up to talk

Let me try this journal thing again... last time Kostas called just as I started and invited me out to study in CSE and I met him out there a few minutes later. I only stayed for a little over an hour because I had initially brushed tonight off as a no study night anyway because of all of the other shit I needed to take care of. I ended up getting everything done today: from going to classes, laying out, going to Shands, taking a nap, baking a cake, watching Jeopardy, talking to Ashley for an hour and so forth with plenty of time to spare. I was rather impressed by my successful time management.

I baked my last chocolate cake of the semester because tomorrow is Roswitha's twenty-first birthday. I was originally going to make it over the weekend but I figured this would be far more special since she always very graciously helps me eat my chocolate cake because she loves it so much. I the spelled out "HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROSWITHA" with mini M&Ms and then outlined the letters with chocolate frosting to make them stand out. It turned out rather nicely and I'm sure my effort will be very much appreciated and recognized.

I finished watching Jeopardy with Ed and Roswitha and had debated whether or not to head straight down to the library with them or to wait for a while {in case Ashley calls}. I actually had that thought but greatly doubted its occurrence and it was only fleeting. Ed was in a hurry as usual and I wasn't dressed so I decided to wait a while to start studying and to decorate the cake while Roswitha was downstairs. Minutes after they left, Ashley called!!!

She asked me if she could come over and she sounded pretty upset. I started to ask why but I very quickly changed it to a yes and to go ahead. She asked if I was sure and I said of course. She was soon in my room and looked rather nice because she was still dressed from dinner at the house. She leant against the counter where I was sitting on my stool and I could tell that this was going to take a while so I told her to sit down and we assumed the normal position facing each other. I left the door propped wide open in case any curious neighbors wanted to find out that I did indeed have Ashley in my room again.

She started out by telling me that she had gone to Walmart last night to buy some stuff for Laura since she is her guardian angel for Alpha Chi Omega. She then went over to a good friend of hers named Kevin. Only when she returned home did she discover that Daniel had dropped by last night for about twenty minutes to see her before taking off for Tampa!!! That would have been the first time they have seen each other in two and a half months.

She then had just talked on the phone with him for a while and was telling them that they really need to talk tomorrow when he comes by to see her. He was complaining that he'll be with his friend and doesn't want to make him wait. That really pissed off Ashley because he has been avoiding talking to her seriously now for a long time and said that his friend is grown and can find something to do for the hour they need together. He asked her if she was getting pissed and soon said he has to go. She told him that she loves him. He then said bye and hung up!!! That really upset her and she almost cried.

He had been asking her earlier if she has found a new boyfriend yet and so forth and was being a real dick. It parallels the way I treated Leigh Anne so much and I told Ashley that. It really seems like he's brushing her off way too much. She's finally starting to see that and said that if things don't work out tomorrow she's really going to start thinking about dropping him for good and getting on with her life. She mentioned that numerous times. He just treats her like worthless shit and Ashley deserves so much more than that. HEr mom didn't help her situation either because she doesn't much like Daniel anymore and was asking why she wanted to see him for anyway and was glad she didn't see him last night. All this with exams coming up.

She was really hurting and I know exactly how she feels. She kept saying that she just doesn't know what she's going to do. It's the same completely helpless feeling I had with Shar¡ and as I have discovered, it will finally go away. She has to realize that perhaps they truly aren't going to work out but it will take time. I'm just glad that once again I am someone she turns to first in times like this. I told her as she was getting ready to go that through the week if she ever does study her physics, that she can call me here of find me downstairs any time she wants and I'll help her out. Shar¡ knows I will but she seemed pleased again that I so generously offered my help.

I had been thinking about Saturday night's party and about the people I met through Ashley. I had wanted to mention her sisters to her and how everybody's names just slipped away as quick as I learned them. All I remembered was a "Becky" and the fellow named Casey Taylor. I also had been thinking about the girl drinking water and had realized that she looked like the same girl who came with Ashley when she came to talk to me that day at the reggae festival. I figured I wouldn't get the chance to talk to her about the party because she would be too absorbed by her project that we wouldn't talk during the beginning of the week. I was wrong and since she was here, I inquired and talked to her about such things.

I first asked her about her friend. She said her name is Lisa and she in fact was coming over tonight to do some paper on Ashley's computer. Ashley was on beeper duty tonight and had to stick around her room anyway. She said that Lisa had brought me up and had said that she hoped she hadn't acted like a bitch to me but was sorry if she did. I laughed and told Ashley that I was too worried about trying not to act drunk when I was talking to her to notice, and she returned my humor. I just thought it was funny how that situation turned out because I really was trying as hard as I could even though I was buzzing to try and not do anything stupid to offend her. I remember listening to her complain as to what her friends were doing and how inconsiderate they were being. I agreed with her and I guess she found me acceptable. Cool.

I then asked if there had been a Becky and she said yes. That was this really cute blonde, sensuous with very pretty eyes. I then asked her if she remembered Casey Taylor and told her what I had done for Lisa and how she hadn't known what was going on. It was funny. Ashley apologized and said that she was sorry because she would quite often talk to someone she knows and would only then remember me and introduce me. I told her that I didn't really know the difference because I was buzzing hard and she laughed about that.

I called and talked to Jenn tonight which was the first in a long time and extended our friendship until the beginning of the fall semester at least, which is cool.

April 16, 1994 - Saturday - Best party!, Buzz Buzz!!

April 16, 1994 - Saturday
I received a phone call while I was making dinner tonight and Karen informed me that it is a girl! I got excited and it was a good laugh for Ashley and all of us as well. Ashley and I haven't talked this week because I have been off studying and she has been at the house doing initiation stuff. She said that she was calling just to say hello because nobody is at home with her when I jokingly asked her what she wanted. She asked me if I enjoyed laying out today because she had seen me while she was on the way to the library.

I was cooking black eyed peas, rice, and popcorn bread, and brought that up to her. I then had the profound pleasure of explaining what popcorn bread is. She said she wanted to try it and I told her she probably wouldn't like it plain. We eventually started talking about this project she has to do for art class: create something beautiful. She has the choice of doing a paper instead which is ten pages long and really doesn't want to.

I started suggesting all kinds of things that she knows about and was telling her ways that she could bullshit as to why they are beautiful to her. Any of them could have been pulled off but she's a little bit pessimistic. She thinks she's not that creative and I have been trying to tell her that she is. One idea suggested by the teacher was to plan and prepare a meal and I suggested to try that one because she knows a lot about food. As I made a few suggestions about how to go about it, she got more and more interested in the idea. I told her that I had to go and eat and she quickly said to come down when I am finished if I'd like. That was cool! I gladly said yes and went and ate.

As I left the room, I said goodbye to Jon and Karen and told them that I hope I won't be seeing them in five minutes, because hopefully Ashley will keep me longer than that and they laughed. I carried two pieces of popcorn bread down to Ashley on her advisement just so she could see what it is. She immediately said that she was hungry and asked if she could try it. I told her I wouldn't because it is bland and needs something with it. With that in mind, she ate it, said it was really good and finished off the whole piece. I was surprised. She smelled part of it and said that it does smell like popcorn, which I had noticed earlier at dinner.

I then looked around in the rooms with her just because I haven't rooted down there in a while. We eventually started talking about how she should go about this meal thing. I gave her a lot of ideas and she finally started writing them down just to compile them for later use. That was smart. She then was planning out what she would say and do in the video she would make and quite a few times she really liked my ideas and scratched out hers and wrote down mine. That was cool to see someone else use my ideas word for word. Especially this one time when I thought she wasn't paying attention to me until she wrote down exactly what I had said. That was cool. We both came up with some really good ideas.

She started getting hungry after all of this talk about food and she was asking where you could get a good chicken sandwich. She thought about Chic Filet but it was already eight. I told her that she had plenty of time and then said that I would go with her. She seemed to jump at that and we were soon heading off to the mall.

Once we had gotten home, Ashley asked me if I wanted to go to this big party and I said yes. We were going to walk there in the same tradition that she and Laura had walked there from Tolbert last year. The party was supposedly thrown by the water polo team with seven bands, sixty kegs and so forth. I came upstairs while she showered and got ready. I called Kimmeth while I waited and told her what was up. We only talked for a few minutes because she was heading out to the movies. She told me that he was wondering wether or not I had the common sense to call her or not. She also told me that she was talking about me to a friend last night. He is twenty-six and was debating on whether or not to pick up this seventeen year old he knows. She then told him about her seventeen year old (ME!!!) except that I'm nineteen now. She was saying something about how I taught her how wonderful youngsters can be and I was complimenting her earlier in the same way. When her ride came she came back to the phone and called me honey!!! as she asked me if I'd call her back sometime soon. That was cool!


Welcome to Danland!!! I'm butt assed wasted and love it!!! This
is the first time in my life I've been truly drunk and I owe it all
to Ashley. She knows it too, and knew what she was doing. I think I
went to the same big party the same time last year and it was so much
easier this year because I had a girl getting my beer for me. And it
tasted so good!!! We joked that it was bad that our sole goal for the
night was to fond another keg and get there in time to tap it before
it went dry. Wow. I'm so ready to pass out it's not even funny. My
head is spinning. Nontheless, Ashley and I went and found Ed in the
downstairs library and he convinced us into playing pool. Damn.......
I'm going to sleep now.

The above is not edited for spelling or grammar to catch the pure emotional bliss of the moment. Heh heh

April 12, 1994 - Tuesday - Chemistry is working out

April 12, 1994 - Tuesday
I've been in a good mood but it just seems like I have to force myself to write in my journal for the past few days. It's mostly because I've just been too busy doing things like studying to just sit down and organize my thoughts.

I took my big chemistry exam last night that determined whether or not I have a chance to save my ass in that class. I felt somewhat confident about it after I finished and came home and talked about some of the problems with Chris. I went to class today and sat up front again next to these two really cute girls, one with the awesome dolphin tattoo that I fell in love with last Thursday. I then went and checked my test score and found that I had missed only four and two of them had been from the easier ones. The problems that I had actually gone through and logically reasoned out, I got right! Cool. That put me in a good mood and I was looking at the total scores needed for each grade with the girl sitting next to me.

I then went to lab and prepared for my unknowns. Our teacher put up a correct scheme on the board which was awesome and then handed us back our schemes. Mine was essentially correct and I was the first to be on my way. The guy behind the cabinet told me that I'm going to miss all of mine and I looked at him funny and he laughed. I figured I got the hardest ones and he said that the colors can be confusing. Well fuck him because I ended up getting mine entirely right except I substituted HSO4(-) for SO4(2-) incorrectly which was a very minor mistake. My teacher said I did a really good job and helped me figure out my grade and I am reasonably close to having an A for the semester.

Considering one of my unknowns looked like soft mint gel Crest, I was very pleased with myself. I also went through an extremely unsystematic way of determining my unknowns that only a brain as logical and able to construct truth tables accurately could do. I probably couldn't explain what I had done if I tried. All I know is that all of my personal tests wove together and gave me the right answers in the end, and that's all that matters! I even spoke at the gorgeous girl who looks like Shar¡! I was very happy on my trip home!

Ashley just called me a little while ago and we caught up since we haven't talked since Saturday when we studied. She's been at her house a lot because of initiations and her studying for her physics exam today. She said that she's maybe been home for two hours in the past three days. When she got home tonight she said that she called her mommy and daddy and then called me, which is cool because that gives me a feeling of importance. I really like her.

April 10, 1994 - Sunday - Ichetucknee tubing trip!

Happy times are here again. My friends are being friendly, prospects prospectful, and all my sport teams are winning! I even feel like I'm one step ahead of the crowd once again. My intuition is working full steam and I love it.

I went downstairs yesterday morning at ten to find the group of Beaty residences who were going tubing as advertised. Nick had mentioned a couple of days earlier that there would be a tubing trip down the Ichetucknee River. I found them and walked up to and said hello to Eric. I had been washing my clothes last Sunday at the same time as he and we had talked for a while to reboost our acquaintance. That helped me out this morning for Eric offered to let me ride with him. He was organizing the signing of the release forms and was passing out directions. Holly was there which cheered me up and fortunately Leigh Anne wasn't. I had figured she wouldn't be there because it required waking up before noon and that's not in her blood.

Eric's other two guests were these two girls who were on the more attractive side. Ashley and Laura walked by on their way to a sorority function and they both yelled out hi to me. Ashley was first and I greeted them back nice and loudly, beaming with pride to know two such fine ladies. On the walk to Eric's car, he introduced me to Eva and Stephanie and we collectively said hi to each other. I then asked the probing question of which is which and they introduced themselves. The drive out was cool and we all got along and joked around rather well.

Eva is from Bloomingdale, Bloomingdale Estates to be exact which is just West of Shar¡'s dad's development. She seemed happy that I knew all about her dinky little town. It turns out that Eric will be living in Brandon over the summer because he has a job with TECO. I of course bragged about working at Busch Gardens and all of that. Stephanie is from Miami.

We stopped on the way and rented tubes. I played tube God because of my previous tubing experience and helped the ladies pick out suitable tubes of good quality. It was fun feeling useful (boy, being useful seems to be a reoccurring theme in my happiness). We then tied them up and headed to the park (we tied up the tubes, not the ladies!). We then prepared ourselves while everybody else showed up. I had brought tennis shoes, shorts, and a tank top because I didn't know to what extent people normally dress when tubing on this river. I ended up stripping to my bathing suit as did the ladies, which surprised me because I thought they would at least leave their shorts on. That was cool!

Stephanie went behind the car and I laughed and asked why she was hiding. Eva said that they are embarrassed about their fat. Stephanie had nothing to complain about except that she is really white. In fact, Stephanie is one of those girls who looks plain in normal clothes but looks fucking gorgeous in a bathing suit. I was in love! Eva looked good, too, because of her tan from spring break and those awesome freckles. Holly's increasing fat little self was hanging out (way out) of her bathing suit. This included her gut which is kind of gross.

We waited for the tram to come and take us upstream. You then had to walk along this trail into the forest which was full of rocks, sticks and acorns and we were all barefoot. It was funny watching all the little pussies try to walk without hurting themselves. It was inevitable and I just walked alone taking the pain which actually made it much more bearable. I also am much more surefooted it such terrain because of my Georgia experience. I walked along with Eva and we talked the entire way. It was cool how much we were joking around. I still have the touch and hope to use it full blast over the summer at Busch! We came to this awesome descending deck walkway that led down to the river's edge over the swampland. It was beautiful.

I was excited to find out that the river comes directly out of huge springs and the water is crystal clear and there's a lot of it! It's awesome compared to my expectations of an ugly muddy river overused by college kids. Instead it is a beautiful nature preserve with banks that extend far into the cypress forest. It seemed even better than the Alafia. I asked Eva once if she has ever been and she said yes, her dad takes them and their boat there all of the time.

Stephanie was a little scared to get in and almost wouldn't. She was afraid of alligators mostly and I did a little bit of reassuring and she finally hopped in. I jumped in after her and was the last person in the water. I wanted her to go before me because I was afraid she wouldn't go if we left her on the dock alone. I quickly taught them how to hook their feet under the edge of the other tube to keep together and we formed a train. Later on we made a triangle and I paddled for the three of us. A lot of people, including Stephanie, got arm burn from the sides of the tube. But even though I did far more paddling than anybody else, three times as much, I came out unscathed because I know to keep the rubber wet and to keep my arms off of it whenever I can.

They wanted to be in the front of the group so I paddled us up there. One time we were cruising along rather quickly and they laughed and said "Weeeee!" Eva then said that I am so strong but then they decided that all guys are supposed to be strong. I still took the compliment. Eva also asked me once along the trip why I am so tan. That was cool and after she accused me of skipping classes and not doing my homework I explained how I lay out between classes. It was cute.

April 5, 1994 - Tuesday - Easter cake a success!

I'm having a sudden academic rush just like I got back in high school when reality hit me that I could become valedictorian. I knew it would come sooner or later and I think this is it. I've gone to all of my classes for the past two weeks and have stayed awake and paId full attention taking elaborate notes in all of them. I even went to Chris' organic chemistry class today just to get an idea of what is in store for me. I actually was interested in the lecture and followed it better than both Chris and Phil because I explained something to Chris to his surprise when he got confused during the lecture. He even turned to me again later to ask another question but it was review for their test and I couldn't help them. Minh came in and sat next to me and I talked to Karen after class.

I then stayed in the third row for my own chemistry class which was the following period and sat between two decent girls. I was happy.

Jon borrowed my camera on Saturday night to take pictures of Caribsa before the talent show. He returned my camera along with a new roll of film. He picked up the pictures last night after I dropped them off for him earlier in the day. I then picked out the few of them that were mine from the beginning of the roll: spring break with Shar¡... There is a fuzzy one of Shar¡ pulling off her jean shorts at Daytona Beach to change into mine. Then there's one of us holding onto each other once she was in her wet white underwear and I instantly could remember what she looked like naked in the shower that night at Christina's house.

Shar¡ took a couple of pictures in her apartment, one of me which came out decent. Then there is my favorite, one of Shar¡ sitting in my car at night outside her apartment. She is in bum clothes and socks and is smiling beautifully. It's an awesome picture. Chris and I compared the beach pictures with ones of her before and it's amazing how crappy she looks now. I hope that someday I'll be able to show her how bad she got for a while, if she doesn't just continue to get worse. There is one of me at the reggae sunsplash up here that Leigh Anne took. I have a dark tan and really like that picture. I also took one of the dozen roses and mylar balloon bouquet that I gave Ashley for her birthday.

Well, everyone loved my cake. I made sure to disperse this one as wide as I could: Michelle, Aimee, Delisa, Chris, Marty, Jon, Roswitha, Ed and maybe Ashley if any is left. But she has seen it and tasted the other one. Roswitha has enjoyed the both of them so much and had admired my personality enough to offer to make me a cake this weekend. She even asked me what kind I would like. After I said chocolate, of course, she said perhaps she'll make me a German chocolate cake. That would be awesome!!!

Ashley warned me Sunday night that she had a meeting after chapter at Alpha Chi Omega Monday night and that if we did go study, it would be later. She finally called me at ten and said that after she got home, a really good friend of hers from Colorado called whom she hasn't spoken with for nine months. She knows that is perfectly fine with me and for once in my life it is.

I laid out by the pool after art class yesterday and was extremely well rewarded. First came this beautiful girl with Shar¡'s body idealized. She was awesome. She was in a string bikini and the way she was leaning on her elbows to study her chemistry caused the bottoms of her bra to pull way up over her tan line. That's one of the most stimulating sights for me. It raised a good two inches higher than it should have been and you could read how close it was coming to her nipple. AAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Then this girl who looked like she was about fifteen came up right next to me to lay out. She was actually older but was just petite. She went and laid on the edge of the pool perpendicular to me and just three feet away from my head. I was on my stomach with my head up and she still came that close. Better yet, she was wearing a midriff THIN cotton WHITE tank top with nothing underneath it. You could see the color of her nipples and the shape and form before she started laying out and then she started sweating!!!!! I could so readily imagine how easily my hands could gently slip up that top and have the times of their lives! I was definitely turned on and wanted so bad to have a camera with me to be able to savor that moment forever.

She also kept looking in my direction. I slid into the pool (yes, the deep end!) right next to her and made sure I was looking in her direction as I popped out of the water only to meet her eyes dead on for she had leant up and was watching me under the water. WOW!!!

Summer commeth!!!

April 3, 1994 - Sunday - Dinner at Chilis, Ashley

I received my best Easter surprise this evening when Ashley gave me a call and asked what's up. I quickly filled her in on everything I have done this weekend and asked the same question of her. She told me that she went and saw Schindler's List and really liked it. I brought up the fact that she signed up for Spanish and she asked how I knew. I told her how I had run into Laura on the way home from Fruit class the other day and we talked for a little while. She then told me the clincher. Daniel got assigned to a special duty that requires him to leave for anywhere from a week to three months to an undisclosed destination where he won't be allowed to call or write anybody! Poor Ashley. Daniel's dad was saying that they are probably going to Korea, or something. Ashley was pretty upset and I could tell she was on the brink of crying. Laura's mom called so she said she'd call me back but I expected her at my door very shortly.

I was in the process of making a special Easter cake for my wonderful next door neighbors. Leigh Anne has a new boyfriend and is in South Carolina tonight which is all the better because I can influence her roommates as much as I want without her influence. As I came upstairs from doing laundry today, their door opened and both Michelle and Aimee called out my name in their long whiny voices like they always do. They asked if I was still going to make them a cake because I had promised them all individually that I would. I said of course after first joking that I didn't have time to. I was only waiting until Michelle could eat some since Passover officially ends at sundown tonight. They then kept coming over every once in a while, especially Aimee, to see how I was doing. They came over together once and I told them I had yet to start and they volunteered again to help me make it. I then opened the refrigerator to show them the fully baked and cooling cake. They were happy and seemed impressed that I had already done everything myself without very much convincing on their part.

Ashley came up as I was decorating the cake and told me that I was doing a really good job. I had used Jon's decorating kit and had squeezed out frosting buttons around the perimeter of the cake and then had used them to form a bunny's head in the middle. I then framed these frosting lines with mini M&M's which came out looking very nice. Ashley told me I should take a picture (I had already planned on it) so I grabbed the camera and aimed with her fully in the picture. She jumped thinking she looked bad and I finally convinced her to at least angle the cake up so I could get a good picture of it.

We then started talking and she was telling me how she really doesn't know what to do or how to think right now. She's really scared which is the main factor in her uncertainty. She also was saying that they haven't been on the best of terms and she's afraid that he doesn't know how much she loves him. We talked and I listened for about an hour. We also were talking about how good it was that we studied so much last week and how we should keep it up. She also told me that as she got ready to walk out the door, Laura asked her where she was going and she said upstairs. She then said that her roommates must think she's a bitch because she walked out on all of them to come and talk to me about her problems. I'm more than happy that she did and does that. She apologized for crying to me so much just as a formality at the end and I told her not to be and that I am always here for her to come to.

When Aimee came home, I called her and let her be the first to see my creation. I knew that this whole idea would impress Aimee the most and it seems to be working. She seemed very excited when she saw it and asked if I had done it all by myself. She said she likes it a lot and also is very impressed because she could never do anything like that. She sat in a chair by me and we talked for a few minutes before she went back to her homework. She did tell me that Delisa had bragged to Leigh Anne that I was making them a cake and Leigh Anne told them to be careful that I don't put anything in it. Delisa then told Leigh Anne that I am making the cake for THEM, and not for HER so they have nothing to worry about!!! Go Delisa!!! Aimee said that Leigh Anne just pouted but it was obvious that Aimee got a real kick out of it. She's really sweet and cute in her own little way that I like a lot.

Cecil showed up for the weekend and we had a Mardi Gras reunion as Kostas, Hector, Dave, Cecil and I all headed out on Friday night to hang with the guys. Marty actually let Chris go out instead of tagging along and "crimping our style." That was very considerate of her. We headed to this reggae dance party at the Orange & Brew with this live band that was really good. There were a lot of fine women there and we sat up on the bar surrounding the dance floor near the speakers. We deafened ourselves as we watched the dancing. I had a really good time especially since it was my first night out in a really long time. I had almost not gone but then figured what the hell as Chris and Cecil talked me into it. We also hit this party out in the Pines Apartments. There were a couple of girls there getting rather wasted that I would have gladly done as the night progressed but the party just wasn't happening so we headed back for more reggae.

Last night Kostas, marty and I convinced Cecil to stay in Gainesville an extra night and attend the VISA international talent show with us. I had gone last year and had a really good time. We got balcony seats for the student rate of fifty cents a piece which I paId for at the beginning. it was a good show and we all had a really good time. We then went to Chili's for dinner and to catch the end of the Final Four Gator basketball semifinal game. We lost to Duke. The night and weekend could have been the party weekend from hell to remember for all time but it instantly turned into a mellow dinner with friends. We did end up having a really good dinner and a good time as well.

I had convinced them into going to Chilis because Chris really disliked Fridays when he and Marty had gone before because of the minute portions of food. I remember liking Chilis because Kimmeth and I used to go there. Chilis serves portions that fill me perfectly and are very (I dare say extremely) delicious. Marty agreed with my choice in full and directed us there. She took the liberty to order drinks and a blooming onion (like Kim and I had) as an appetizer. They then ordered their entrees and I took the unconventional route and ordered another appetizer, the cheese fries which are extra long mozzarella sticks with awesome marinara sauce, and a dessert of carrot cake. I haven't had carrot cake for the longest time and used to love it a lot so I figured I'd give it a try. At first the cheese sticks seemed too few and the piece of cake looked a little boring, but my first opinion was soon shattered. Both were delicious and the cake was awesome!!! and both were very filling.

Chris and Marty had ordered tortillas for two and two Caesar salads. Mart got full quick and offered her salad to me. I'm not too keen on that kind of salad, I'd take a make your own salad bar any day, but this one was really good and I finished the entire thing. I really enjoyed myself. This was perpetuated by the very gorgeous waitress in the short skirt who climbed up on the opposite table to open a shutter before the night was over. We all started in delight because Marty had gone to the restroom. Yum. I kept joking about wanting a second dessert, the waitress! I also kept smiling nicely at her and was very courteous to her when she would do something for me.

We ran into Phil, this snobby friend of Chris' whom both he and Marty thinks has a very disgruntled outlook on life. He was with his father, a friend, his friend's girlfriend, and her friend. The lone girl's name was Maria and she is a younger looking but very pretty young Greek girl. I kept flirting with her and was receiving and reciprocating smiles.

Chris was chatting with Phil's father as we went to say hello on our way out. Their meal was finishing up and the girls were digging in their purses for money to pay their share. They had all been a part of the talent show which was a big event for them, both Phil and his father are extremely well off, and Phil is trying to hook up with Maria. I found it extremely rude and disgusting that they would allow the girls to pay on an evening as such. My respect for both of them plummeted into the depths of hell at that moment and it almost made me sick. The boyfriend had been at the bathroom and upon returning asked her what she was doing and said he was paying for her. That still left Maria open and posed the perfect opportunity for either Phil, especially Phil, to pick up the tab. He didn't although it was obvious he was aware of what was going on.

If I had enough money with me, and I wished so bad that I did despite any financial burden it would have place on me later, I would have paid for her bill in a heartbeat and embarrassed the fucking hell out of Phil! I mentioned that in the car later and both Chris and Marty piped up simultaneously saying that had watched that in the same utter disgust. Phil... you fucked up big time.

He also introduced himself to me at the talent show when he, Marty and I were talking. Both Marty and I said that he should already know me and he was extremely embarrassed. He came up and remembered Cecil at Chilis and I commented to Cecil that at least he remembers him. Especially after what had happened at the end, I refused to said goodbye to Phil leaving him with nothing but a fleeting cold stare. Fucking heartless bastard. Now let me go eat cake with my beautiful neighbors.