Thursday, February 24, 1994

February 24, 1994 - Thursday - Mentally we're there!!!

Things are finalizing beautifully!!!!! Shar¡ is perfect! She is either a perfect bullshitter or the perfect woman. I prefer to think she is the latter. After I finished up my homework tonight at about 12:20 I gave her a call just to say hello and she had just gone downstairs for a minute and I left a message with James. That was perfect because I'd get to see if she'd actually call me back and that would mean she'd be paying for it. I couldn't help but feel anxious so I returned a call from Delisa next door who had called when Kostas was on the phone earlier. She wasn't there and of course Leigh Anne immediately recognized me. She wanted to know why Delisa had called me. Why the hell would I know?! The other line soon beeped and I told her that I had to go because Jon has a call. She asked if it was Shar¡ and I said yes and we got off the phone. Jon told me afterwards that he heard her bawling at about that time next door. Ha ha!

Shar¡ asked if I was talking to my girlfriend and I exclaimed that I don't have one. I also told her that I have been promoting the idea that Leigh Anne quickly get a new boyfriend to get her out of our hair. Shar¡ laughed and asked if we would look for her a boyfriend while we were at it. I told her that most of the people I know are dating someone so she'd just have to settle for me! She asked what I meant by just "settling" for me! I replied by saying that was my discreet way of suggesting myself and she said that she knew.

She told me that I must have ESP because she was just thinking about calling me when she went downstairs to check the mail. I was so fucking estatic because she was actually paying for the call and for me that finalized what she has been saying as true. Spending money for us poor people is a way of nonverbally speaking the truth. I never spent money on Leigh Anne, never called her at home, never would have even really cared for pictures of her. Shar¡ does all of those things which is why I'm really starting to believe her.

I asked her at the end if she had written me a Post It letter yet because that was the only paper she had in the house. She told me that she looked everywhere last night for something to write on but couldn't find anything but getting paper is one of her goals for tomorrow. I joked for her to write on napkins and she sounded perfectly serious when she asked me if I really wanted her to.

She mentioned that she will be going to the beach all next weekend so she will be a lot darker than me when I come down. She is talking about getting a new bathing suit and talked about how I bought the other one for her. Shar¡ likes it but it has a tacky white "belt" across the front. I said that it did at least get me some interesting pictures and she agreed that I did get to see her big white butt. she was talking about how big her butt is, and that it's the biggest part about her. I reassured her that everybody's butt is the biggest part about them and told her that I like hers. She mentioned something to Jimmy in the background once about being too lazy to do something. I said great, all she is is a stoned lazy fat ass!!!, but I quickly corrected myself.

She asked if I think she has gotten fat and I said that I don't know because I haven't seen her since Christmas and perhaps she's Christina's twin now. She laughed about that and said that he would never let herself get like that which pleases me just fine. She also told me how there is a gym downstairs at the complex where she works out. She told me that we can even go work out when I come down and stuff. I told her that we don't have to go down to the gym to work out. She agreed but said that kind of working out usually goes on at night. I added that it can happen in the morning and that it makes a good wake up call and she agreed adding herself that after lunch I sometimes cool, too. I laughed and said that it would be good then just to do it after every meal so the food doesn't turn to fat. She said,"Three times a day!" and I added that we might just brush our teeth every once in a while, too.

Well, for two people that would never talk about such things in the old days, perhaps it was good that our separation occurred thus giving us a way to reapproach our relationship. We already built a lot of the emotional stuff which is cool and probably a lot more long term than having to mix what we are doing now with the act of getting to know someone. I'm really glad of the way this all is turning out!

We were talking a little bit about what we'll be doing when I go down. I reminded her that this is assuming I will have a car. She mumbled something about maybe being able to get a hold of a car so we can do something. She also said if I'll still put up with Christina that she's a means of transportation. She also said that Christina will be expecting to take us out at least once and I said I thought she hated me to which Shar¡ said no. it's just kind of funny that Shar¡ said that because I thought there wasn't any question about it in the first place since it always happened before anyway.

I mentioned that I told my mom about us talking again and she said that she bets my family hates her. I told her not at all and she is actually glad that she doesn't live all the way out in Brandon anymore. She then said that she wants to meet my parents when I am home over my break. I got wide eyed and asked why. She said is just part of the things that need to be done, or something like that. It sounded like she is trying to work her way deep into my life hoping to make sure everything everywhere is as good as I say it is and to grasp onto me as tight as she can. If only she knew that I would be happy with he hr for the rest of my life. I have already reached that conclusion, and I can only hope she will be able to say the same thing.

I told her that she'd have to see my messy house and she said that she doesn't care and I realized that I don't live there anymore so I can't be blamed for it. I also was explaining to her that I never told my parents, or anybody for that matter, anything really bad about her. I did say the only problem was the fact that I could in no way explain to them why we broke up because I didn't want to tell them she had gotten pregnant if it wasn't going to happen any longer. So I kind of left my parents hanging in that respect but oh well.

She asked me once when I am going to send her more pictures. I asked of what and she said so elegantly, "of shit!" I explained that I haven't really taken many other pictures but I will show her the rest when I come down. I told her that a lot are of girls at Mardi Gras and she said that she doesn't have any interest in those. I said that I remember because of her reaction to Chris' pornographic lesbian cards and she laughed about that.

That spurred a memory of her trip up here and she was saying how funny it was when she first came in the room and how she saw the dozen roses taped up on the wall but it didn't really register that they were for her because she didn't see a card or anything. She said that she felt really embarrassed because she didn't catch on and I told her that she shouldn't have been. I then told her how I had gone to work out with Ashley that morning and thought long and hard about what to get her. She asked if she comes up again if she will get another dozen and I said no, what good is it to get repetitious and take the meaning out the others. She agreed and then I said that the surprise would have to be different, even better. She really agreed to that and I suddenly realized my error and told her not to because ill have to go through all of the stress of picking out something again.

She was talking about Cord and how big he is getting. We talked about that for a while and I asked if she has taken any pictures. That child would have hardly any if it weren't for me! She said no, that she needs to get film, and find her camera. I asked her if she wants me to bring mine down and she said of course. I asked why and she said so we can take pictures of us doing everything. I liked hearing her say "us". I then asked her why I would want new pictures of her because when I show them to everybody, they will ask me if that isn't the girl who dumped me. She told me that I can tell them that this is the girl who realized that she can't live without me and came begging back to me!!!!!!!!! I couldn't believe my ears! Something like Leigh Anne so often would allege coming from the mouth of the only woman in the world I want to hear it from, Shar¡!!! Damn I'm happy!!!

I was so amazingly happy with our conversation. Ed called once while I was on the phone and asked if I'd like to come downstairs and play pool sometime. I said yes and told Shar¡ and we talked about pool for a while. I was just glad to make it sound like I am doing stuff. I played rather well against Ed and he made the comment that my strokes aren't smooth enough. I was in a really good mood and it suddenly dawned on me after I beat him three times that I hold the end of the stick to loosely. I practiced three games with a tighter grip and was kicking ass making shots I so often dream of making. It was beautiful!!! It will be awesome if I can hone this newfound ability before I challenge my Goddess.

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