Shar¡ and I had the phone call of the year last night. I had told Leigh Anne that I didn't want to do anything with her so she ran off to Jason's house like she always so readily does. Heaven forbid she miss a moment that something might be going on. I think she'd die if she weren't with a guy every night. What a whore, but I'll deal with that later if I get bored. She came over when she got home even though I had asked her not to. She wanted to show me some stuff she bought at this huge media store. One was a book about everything men know about women. I asked her if the pages were blank before she even opened it and kind of ruined the joke. She also bought some bullshit book with over two thousand date ideas so I can't use the excuse that I don't have any ideas of what to do. She never caught on that I didn't want to spend time with her, I always have ideas.
Chris was on the phone with Marty well after midnight and had sung to her because today is her birthday. Leigh Anne wished her well and then I wished her a VERY happy birthday. Marty said something that Chris wouldn't repeat so it definitely was a little more friendly than he would like her to be towards me. The other night when I was depressed, she asked to talk to me and told me not to worry because she'll be back soon to cheer me up! Chris freaked out but I told him all she meant was that the fact that she makes it back to Jacksonville safe and sound will cheer me up. Good cover up, huh?
I heard him click over to the other line at 12:30 since he was out talking in the hallway and he was kind of confused and seemed torn. I figured it was Karen or something for Jon but when out and checked anyway. It was Shar¡!!!!! She called after all and CHris was stumbling because he was in an important conversation with MArty but knew how much a phone call from Shar¡ would mean to me. He told her I'd call her back in a few minutes. Fool! He's supposed to tell her to call back, but oh well. I waited until 12:40. Leigh Anne was kind of pissed because I was calling Shar¡ but I don't care.
And then the beauty began... I had said most of the things that I had wanted to say to her all along over the past five months last week but last night we got to all of the obscure and more controversial ones. It was awesome how well things worked out!!! She was having a really good time talking to me and mentioned once how much she likes talking to me. We were talking once and she suddenly, exasperatedly, asked me how come I always know how to say the right things at the right times. I obviously was making a wonderful impression by some of the other compliments we exchanged and she once again was falling for my overpowering charm. I was the one that broke the ice by complimenting her through hints. She picked up on it the first time and asked what I meant just to be sure and I told her that was my little way of telling her (how wonderful she is) or something like that. She seemed to like it.
We then both got pathetic. She told me that she likes to look at my pictures a lot and even has one put up on her bedroom wall!!!!!!! She asked me if I remember which one she really liked of me. I asked if it was the one of me holding Cord's hand walking along the beach. She said that he really likes that one, too, but she's talking about a newer one. I kind of doubted it was the Mardi Gras picture and then remembered the one of me in bed from the time she was in Gainesville. She said that's the one and said that I look really cute in it. That is a damn good picture of me and now I'm so very glad she took it that morning. I confessed that I had blown up the pool picture of her like we had always talked about. When I told her when I did it she realized it was before she first called and said that I had been thinking about her before she called and I said yes. I think she liked that.
I brought up my ring at one point and finally told her how Buffy said she couldn't find it. This was after she said that she had visited her dad's house yesterday. She said that was bullshit because Buffy always said she had it in her jewelry box and said that she would find out for me. I was really glad to get that out in the open. SHe asked me again if I had ever gotten her letter that her Grandmother was supposed to mail for her. I said no and she said that sucks because she'll have to rewrite it. I wonder what it said that was that important.
We then started talking about her being pregnant. I had mentioned how it has been almost five months since I've seen her in a good capacity. She then said that I saw her at Christmas and I brought up my birthday. She kind of laughed and said that must have been quite a birthday present. She claims that she really didn't want me to leave that night. That's cool because it makes some of the responses I thought I saw at the end seem more believable. But Christina had wanted to go somewhere, I reminded her.
Our then conversation got cut off by another call from Leigh Anne I think. It had also gotten intermingled with what was going o happen to us now. She suddenly got serious and said that she should have told me what was going on when she called instead of stopping her calls to me. I swore she was talking about the past two weeks and was saying that we got out of hand and she's not looking for a relationship right now. My heart dropped into my stomach as I asked her if that's what happened, and that I thought so. I really thought she meant over the weekend when she didn't call me back like planned and I was hurt. It suddenly clicked that she was talking about how she stopped calling me when she found out she was pregnant. I told her my mistake and she and I both laughed (mine was a laugh of great relief)!!! Damn that was scary!
She then reconfirmed what she had said. She then was telling me how she then went back and read one of the letters I had written her about that weekend. She told me that I said something like how I realized the chances we were taking by having unprotected sex and was willing to take the risk with her. She said that after reading that, she felt like a total asshole for what she had done to me.....
September 7, 1993.... There's one thing I'm a little "curious" about. On Friday when we had first gone to bed I kept wondering if you were going to make me use a condom. I don't like to but I always have. That's why I waited letting you put me in you so that it would be your decision. I was willing to take any risk with you as long as you were doing the same. I guess "curious" wasn't really the word I was looking for, the whole thing was just a thought that had crossed my mind.
I think the original intentions were more stilted towards disease than pregnancy, but what the hell! I also used to think that paragraph was one of the more controversial that I sometimes regretted including in my letters, but now I'm so fucking glad I did!!!
I kind of admitted that I was more upset to find out that she had been pregnant and no longer was, than when I first thought I found out she was pregnant. I retold her the story of how I discovered that she was pregnant because I had remembered the day her period stopped on the phone and things matched up and put her most fertile day right in the middle of our weekend. I then told her the excuse I had wanted to say forever because she had one time asked me why I didn't say anything. I told her that's not the kind of thing the guy usually figures out first and brings up to the girl and we laughed kind of hard about that and she agreed that it's usually the girl.
She then repeated what I had said about being more upset that she had lost it and asked if I really would have wanted it. She said that she doesn't know because one is kind of enough right now. I lied as I agreed that it probably wouldn't have been good for us. I did say how I would have gotten out of school at the beginning of may just about the time it would be squirting out!!! She really liked the term "squirting" and we laughed about that.
Conversation turned to Cord. I asked her how he was doing at the very onset of the conversation and she told me that she ended up taking him to the emergency room today. They gave him a suppository and gave her one to put in today and she really wasn't looking forward to that. They said he has an ear infection and the common flu. They tested to see if he would throw up after being given the suppository and fortunately he didn't. If he had, they would have had to hook him up to an IV and she was very serious as she said it would be very hard to see Cord like that.
She also asked at the beginning if I could take her into the hospital where I volunteer if she came up to see me. I was kind of shocked and said that would actually involve her coming up and she said maybe so but it wouldn't be until after spring break. I said of course because I would probably be able to sneak her in without anyone noticing and if they did, so what, it probably wouldn't be a big deal at all. I could extremely easily bullshit my way out of it.
She then was telling me again how I had a different attitude about Cord than any other guy she had dated. She said they would all usually try to get her to dump Cord off on her mom or with a babysitter when they went out. She said that I never even asked that once and that really impressed her. She said that we did have our nights alone (except the big baby, Christina, was always there!) but I never complained about having to bring Cord along. I truthfully never thought of doing so any other way but I can see how Cord might be a burden for a guy just out to have sex... I just always hope that she doesn't come back to me more for Cord's benefit than hers, but I don't think she'd do that.
She asked me at one point what questions I was wondering about the other night. I was amazed that she had actually heard and remembered what I had said and I suddenly realized that she probably absorbs much more than I've given her credit for lately. For she has remembered a lot about our time together and she doesn't have a journal to remind her of us. I guess I forgot who I was dealing with. I just asked what will happen over the break again and she said that she figured we'd go to the beach like the old days and start as friends and go from there. I cringed as she said the "f" word and she laughed and said that we're definitely friends and I suddenly agreed that what she had said was hardly bad.
I was talking about moving back at one point and wa saying how much easier the decision would be if I had somebody there waiting for me. She cutely said that maybe I do and I acted all surprised and excited and asked if Christina really wants me! She laughed hard. I then asked if I know this person and she said that she kind of looks like her, but not really. She ended up sticking her foot in her mouth and digging a hole she couldn't climb out of because she's just not as talented as me in logical confusion and we had a good laugh about that. It was cute though that she was trying to play the game that I've pulled on her on various occasion.
As it was nearing time for me to go neither one of us wanted to get off the phone, especially her. She told me that she has a really strong urge to be with me right now and we regretted not being able to arrange it. You could really tell as we tried to hang up because we always have a problem because neither of us ever want to be the one to hang up on the other. It's funny and I had almost forgotten how we used to do that until just the other night and again last night. It's actually kind of cute.
FUCK SHE'S AWESOME!!!!!
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