March 28, 1993 - Sunday, Sonntag
Well, I just screwed up something fierce! There was this really beautiful ethnic girl dancing at TJ's with her friend. They looked very european, and she had green eyes and freckles. Beautiful. I had just come back from getting a drink with Ed and was starting to dance again. They were behind me and Jon stated looking at me telling me to dance with her. He kept pointing at his eye. I just figured he wanted me to dance with her because she wasn't yet taken. I just fucked around, not doing much. She even came around, and danced right in front of me. I got scared and waited too long. Ed put his hands on her waist and dance for about twenty seconds, until she looked at him, and spun away. This big goofy looking jock then made a serious pass at her and she fled. I was fucking pissed!!! Jon later told me that she was giving me the eye while I was in front of her, and really looked interested. He said that he even tried to push us together while we were dancing. I really missed what good of been an amazing opportunity. I have been `depressed' ever since we got home.
I remember waiting for her to look me in the eye when she was in front of me, but she didn't really. If she had, I might have pounced. Fuck! I know how I am when I show interest in a girl, I don't really smile much and try to be casual. It seems like she did the same. Fuck!!! Fuck!!! Fuck!!! That really sucks!!! I also saw Derek there.
Besides my little failure, life seems to be pretty amazing and wonderful again! The weight of the world was lifted off of my shoulders the instant that I turned in my sociology term paper. It felt so good. The entire ordeal seemed to fall into place rather well. Emily had a lot to do with my paper coming out professionally, though. She's been a really amazing influence on me lately, and I am very grateful. I find it amazing that I am this attracted to a girl that I can't have sex with.
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