December 2, 1993 - Thursday - Christina does it again

Damn I hate talking to that cunt!!! Every time I talk to Christina, she always fills my head with so much shit that really upsets and depresses me. Even though it's probably the truth and I probably need to start getting over Shar¡ really quick, I just don't want to until I know for sure. I also would like to think that there is a lot of better stuff that Christina doesn't ever tell me, but still.

Well she is sick and wasn't in a very good mood in the first place. She then asked if Shar¡ had written me yet, so I'd assume that she gave Shar¡ my zip code, although I would still very much doubt it. I said no and then started asking her what was up? She said that she doesn't really talk to Shar¡ much right now, and is pissed because Shar¡ always wants to bring Craig along with them when they go out nowadays. I told her that I remembered when she used to get pissed about me being there all of the time. She then was telling me that Shar¡ and Craig are thinking about having another baby... making a total of three in their family. That killed me... but my mind wants to believe that it is something she told Craig in case she has my baby, so he'll think it's his. She also asked me if I remembered how she and Shar¡ used to want to get an apartment together. I said yes, and she said that nowadays it's going to be her and Shar¡ AND Craig. I kind of wonder now if this is all stuff from before Thanksgiving weekend. I hope so.

I told her how I dumped my girlfriend when I got home but didn't fully explain that it was because of what Shar¡ told me. I then told her that I've started "dating" Clint's ex-girlfriend in the past few nights and told her a quick story of how I met Sarah at Busch Gardens just before I met Shar¡. I then said that I never pursued Sarah because I was dating Shar¡. Christina said that going out with Shar¡ was probably the biggest mistake of my life and I said it wasn't because I had fun and was actually happy for a while. I Then asked why I liked Shar¡ so much, and admitted that I still do... just hoping that any of this will get passed on to her.

Well, at least this current bit of horrible news was absorbed quite well by the hope of the possible relationship with Sarah. Without Sarah right now to overshadow Shar¡, I think I would be really depressed and I don't need that right now. Depressed as in upset. And not meaning to jinx anything, but now there's hope that Shar¡ really will send me a letter!!!

And a few final words from Leigh Anne: she gave me that rose on Monday to prove her love for me and how she will stick by my side through anything. Well, the significance of the rose is now this...

The single rose before you,

Resembles what we shared,

So unique and beautiful,

Growing without a care.

Then one day the sun stopped shining,

Our relationship came to an end,

You left me out in the rain,

The rose will never bloom again.

Love hurts sometimes,

That's just how it goes,

But a tear will remain forever,

Upon the single rose.

I found this alone in a stamped envelope in the mail this morning and it's unfortunate how it moved me not in the least, for it is a rather decent poem.