November 29, 1995 - Wednesday - UF with Nedda

     Playing with Nedda has gotten me on one of those little roller coaster trips that make life oh so much fun. But we are new to the game so it's more like a kiddie ride than anything serious... I saw her in class on Monday and was excited when she decided to sit in my row instead of one row up with the guy she always sits with. She said hi to me and asked me how my birthday was. I said good, and asked about Thanksgiving. That was all. She moved up a row the next period and I didn't talk to her again.

     What's funny is that I'll have a really cool day with her, but then the next time we'll hardly talk, if at all. I'll just sit there and think that it really doesn't matter anyway because of Kristen, and because we'd probably be sent far apart from each other through the horrible course of grad schools and jobs. It just wouldn't be practical. But then I'll talk to her again... like today.

     We started by her friend asking her about studying this Saturday, but he wants to watch the game, too. She turned to me and asked if I knew when it was and I said it was around eight which surprised him. A guy behind us them confirmed my guess so I was cool, right? During genetics she turned to me and said she was going to come and sit by me. I smiled big and clapped my hands in joy. She said there is this Asian guy with long hair who always sits by her and she doesn't like him. Sure enough he came and was looking at her and smiling... her friend, Erika Jasmine was guarding her flank, however.

     She wanted to tell me her latest exploits from the pathology department. I think she saw an amputated leg with a huge sore on the foot, down to the tendons, and a malformed placenta. I told her how I tried to find out about volunteering there and she said that I should just come with her next Monday. But I can't! I have a parasitology lab practical at that time, unfortunately... damn.

     We eventually were talking about Thanksgiving and I told her how sad I was that she didn't bring me leftovers like she said she would. She claimed there was nothing left, and didn't really think I was
expecting anything after I told her I hadn't eaten that morning in anticipation. It was cute.

     I happened to look at her attendance scantron and saw that her social security number was quite similar to mine. ###-##-####! I accused her of cheating and when she saw my number she exclaimed that "You're the one!" (I hope so!) and then explained that she always sees that there are two people with the same exam number posted. In genetics it is done by the last four digits, and your initial. I had
always seen that one, too... A "N" with no middle name, which is right. Cool. She said that out of all the people, it just HAD to be me. Of course it did.

     During class our teacher was reading a list of ALL the food items that have potential carcinogens in them. Saffron was one of them and she said how her family eats that with rice. She then seemed
quite surprised when I said that I eat that all of the time as well. She said that it's a persian dish, I just know it as yellow rice... I then waited for her after class to say goodbye to Erika and we headed out towards biochemistry. I actually didn't think I was going to go, as usual, unless she let me sit by her. She even said she looked for me the other day "down in my little corner" but I wasn't there. But I
had to go volunteer anyway and was meeting Kristen for lunch there.

     Nedda mentioned that she was hungry and wished that she had gone to her car to get it. I told her that she should and that I would walk with her. She didn't think we should until I said I didn't
really care about class and was just going to volunteer later. That was enough and we cut through the lot behind the biology building. I was going to walk back up the road but she wanted to take the little
path through the woods. I was elated that she wanted to go that way because it shows trust, especially with a guy you don't really know on a path as secluded as that one, in Gainesville where freaks kill
and eat people somewhat frequently.

     We went the back way between the sewage treatment plant and the electricity plant on a path I had never been on before. She showed me a water retention pond with a very large alligator in it and we
stopped and looked for a few minutes. We were also bird watching and joked about the fact that we were. We saw a couple of cardinals, some finches, and a pretty egret. I was also telling her about scuttling up next to the alligators at Lake Wauberg.

     We made it out to her car, an emerald Grand Am, that she unlocked the trunk of with the touch of a button on her keychain. She pulled out her lunch and I noticed her MCAT scores. She refused to
tell me saying that it's none of my business. I've noticed she is like that with any test score so I reminded her that it won't be hard anymore with our social security numbers being the way they are. She fretted in agreement and later said that now I can change all of her registration and stuff. I told her I couldn't because I needed the pin number, so she wouldn't tell me her birthday which is what she kept it at. Fool.

     We made it all of the way up to the biochemistry door before I decided to go ahead and go in with her. I stood by her seat for a minute talking to her before asking if I could sit there. She said only if I have a potato chip so I gladly took one. I joined her after quickly running upstairs to check my exam grades. We studied for a while and talked about other things. I was making her laugh and she called me strange at one point. Oh well...

     I was just so happy to sit with her two periods in a row, making it hopefully much more than just a one class random event. We'll see, I guess.

November 24, 1995 - Friday - Lonely drunken birthday

     Nothing better than a drunken stupor to entice the best of journal entries. It's amazing how my fingers move so fast without my head much knowing what they are doing. This must be the best time to express myself... I just realized how the first two days of this Thanksgiving break, while Kristen is down in Tampa has been an extremely wondeful vacation. She would be rather upset to hear this
but I must say that it is so.

     I just "stumbled" home from the Purple Porpoise, one of Gainesville's most famous college bars. I dressed up all spectacular not knowing what tp expect. I wore my black Levis, my Timberlands, my
best flannel shirt with blue in it to accent my eyes... etc. I was rather optemistic as I prepared myself. I packed a pen to write phone numbers, a Gold Circle condom, my pack of Marlboro lights, a lighter,
and any other essentials that I just can't imagine now. It's funny how it looks like I am typeing so fast but the entry is lengthening so slowly. And my fingers fall short of the desired key quite frequently.

     I started my birthday celebration by having a full shot (at least!) of my newly aquired Goldschl„ger birthday present to myself. It came with a free candelabra wine/shot glass that was very nice and a symbol of my twety-first birthday. I wanted the huge jug of Malibu with the free mug, but could never have carried that on my backpack. I headed out and got a couple of looke from cute girls that appeared like they wanted me. I wish. I went to the bicycle shop where I bought a seat bolt in January and he let me return in no problem. that gave me an extra five bucks of guilt free spending money.

     I toured the local used CD shops but nothing was very interesting. I wwnt as far as Specs but their prices were blown away by the mall today. I dreamt of going to Kaos tonight where they are having an UF-FSU amateur fight and then the famous hot body contest. I would have loved that, but walking or biking would have probably gotten me robbed by a black man. Such crimes are extremely frequent
these days as reported by the school newspaper. I consented to go to the Porpoise despite the fact that it would be much harder to make it out alive.

     As the Goldscl„ger wore off, I got more and more nervous about going into a bar, which I know nothing about. I went in and the fool doorman said I am not twenty-one yet but let me in after I let him know how stupid he is. I went and stood by the bar like a fool and felt like everyone was laughing at me, but probably weren't. I finally got a seat and two bartenders passed up my stupid attempts to figure out what to drink. Eventually a gorgeous girl asked me and I had her tell me what was on draft since I couldn't read it from where I was/ I knew there was a special and opted for it... a pitcher of Miller, afraid that it was disgusting. I asked her if they still do birthday specials and she said yes and made me up the strongest, Sex on the Beach. It was good!

     My pitcher turned out to be pretty tasty. A guy came and sat to might right and asked if that wasn't a lot of beer for one person. I admitted that it was but said I would try, and finished the whole
thing rather quickly. The Nebraska game soon ended and I realized that nothing could happen there like I wanted... so I headed home. Even now I can tilt my head back and feel fucking AMAZING!!! I'm going to lye down now and enjoy myself........

November 22, 1995 - Wednesday - Smiles return with Nedda

     I finally had a good day after such a long time of emotional distress. I can't remember being this genuinely excited about life in quite some time. It's horrible to think that I wasted so much of one
of my last undergraduate semesters deserted by happiness.

I don't even know where to begin... so much has been happening but I haven't felt good enough about any of it until now to write about it.

     I've met this fabulous girl named Nedda Salehi, originally born here in St. Augustine, but has an Iranian ethnicity. Her family returned to Iran after her birth and didn't return until she was around nine.

 I had noticed her a few times before I ever met her during one of my morning classes. She had a mystical appeal to her. Her hair is extremely long down to at least the small in her back. She is
somewhat petite but carries herself very well... almost floats.

    And look at this new annoying habit... of pausing as I write... kind of like the infamous pause acting by Captain Kirk of the starship Enterprise... I picked it up from Kristen's cousin Marcy,
whom is another story entirely...

     Nedda... There was an exam today in Eukaryotic Cell Structure which I basically had to ace to salvage my grade in that class. Parasitology was cancelled because of Turkey Day, which gave me an
extra hour. I headed to the library early with Shari and Kristen as they walked to their education classes on the far side of campus. Just as we passed the computer lab, Laura LaRussa walked out and I waved and said hi, but kept on. Moments later Kristen said that girl tried to walk up behind us like she was going to talk to me and was surprised when I said it was Laura. It's so strange to think back
about the decisions I made that summer and the consequences that resulted...

     It figured that some shit had beat me to the library, just minutes after it had opened, and checked out the sample test material I needed. I headed to class and studied until it was exam time. Something interesting happened during the test... it was proctered by three of the major microbiology professors! A lot of people were impressed to see them all together at once. Dr. Achey from last semester even came up and asked how I was doing... he then said that he sees a lot of familiar faces that look one year older. He then asked if he looks one year younger and I said of course. He thanked
me and went on...

     Many unhappy people were forced to remain on campus because Dr. Duggan refused to cancel his microbial genetics class. He cited that we have many important things to cover despite the fact that he spent two days talking about cancer which will never be on the exam. I have started making a point to sit by this group of girls in the Alpha Delta Phi sorority. I am in particular love with Molly McButter... no, Addison. One of the group, unfortunately the least appealing, is a scrawny blonde with a funny shaped face that tries to talk football with us guys in parasitology lab. Her name is Jennifer L. Anderson (although I do not know this). She has finally begun to accept me as someone to sit next to and has done so for the past few days. Today she even borrowed my pencil... WOW! (severe sarcasm). that's actually good because she accepts me as at least a normal person and not a
freak, hopefully.

     Only Jenn and Molly showed today, and then Nedda sat on their far side and we said hi to each other. Jenn wanted to suddenly move to the back so they could leave as soon as role was taken. I quickly (and to my own amazement) became happy that Molly left! I can't believe I felt that way. Nedda moved over to talk for a minute... We hadn't even said hello in a long time until last Friday for a brief minute. We started talking and she ended up getting her stuff and staying with me.

     When I told her I wasn't going home for Thanksgiving, she was all surprised and seemed to feel bad for me. I told her it is because I want to complete my medical applications. She said I could do so at home but I said my computer is up here. She then said that she would have invited me to HER house if she had known that!!! I WISH!!! She lives in Ocala, by the way. I felt quite a glow inside at that comment. When I told her that it's my birthday, too, she seemed even more surprised that I was going to be alone. We mentioned the UF-FSU game briefly, and talked about how she's never been to a game yet.

     She asked me at one point if I wanted to listen to Duggan and take notes, or talk... and guess what I opted for? He always yells at people and I was quite pleases that he didn't yell at us when we
ended up talking all period, especially since a third of the class was gone. She started telling me about volunteering in the surgical pathology department. I mentioned a four week old baby that had dies
of full cardiac arrest in the ER last week. I also mentioned the suspected anal abuse... very sad.

     She told me how she has seen and played with lymph nodes that were removed due to cancer, a kidney, and liver tissue, and quite a few stones. She told me how tumorous tissue looks pretty disgusting, and how human skin is really hard to cut with a scalpel and dulls the blade much more quickly than one would suspect. She was drawing little pictures of everything on her paper and it was getting quite detailed. I joked that he has to go back and label everything now, and we did it together.

     She thought I was laughing at her at one point about telling me all of this because of the way I was smiling at her. I told her I was definitely not, and she then explained how she likes talking to me about this because I am the only one who will listen to her about it and she wants to talk about it. I suddenly experienced a second ball of warmth... I've always loved hearing a girl say how much she likes talking to me because I'll actually listen. I later asked her if that was really such a good thing.. that we both like dead tissue?

     At one point he yelled at the people a few rows ahead of us to shut up so people around them can learn. She asked if he was talking to us on the paper and I asked her what? She then wrote asking if I
can read? Her grammar wasn't perfect so I said yes, I can read ENGLISH. She then wrote "English" in Arabic. I've always thought Arabic is a beautiful written language and asked her if she could
write her name, since I saw that she wasn't fluent. She did and then explained how words are written backwards, but numbers aren't. And the books are read from the "back to the front" of the book.

     I was trying to show interest and she seemed surprised and glad that I was. She started trying to remember the alphabet and write it down. I asked her about the letters in her name and she explained them to me, and then wrote the names of the letters above each one in her alphabet. At the end of class I asked her if I could have that page. She seemed surprised that I wanted it and said she would have written a nicer copy if she had known. I then said I had wanted the whole page with the drawings, too, so when she is famous I can say she drew this when... and we laughed.

      As class ended some dork came up and asked her how the test was. I refused to lose her again like the first time we walked together to biochemistry and was persistent. When he was done, he
asked if her name was Nedda and seemed proud that he remembered it... I almost felt embarrassed for him. We then started walking. I told her I wasn't going to biochem, and she scolded me. I said I was
hungry and was going home for lunch. Unfortunately, I only had an hour to eat and get ready before Kristen was driving me to Shands to volunteer as she headed home to Tampa. I never wished more that I didn't have to meet her to say goodbye, because I would have gone on one of my infamous walks like in the days of old.

     It's so hard to be nice with Nedda, though, because she will always try to walk as far as possible with me, while I am doing the same thing with her. She is too easy like that with me. She quickly
decided that he should go to her car and get her lunch and I smiled. If I didn't have to meet Kristen I would have gone with her... SHIT. She mentioned something about having to arrive an hour early to get a parking space, and then sits in her car and waits for class. It reminded me of how anal I am about being early and often used to sit in my Mustang once I got to work and all. But I didn't admit that because the similarity might only be in MY head.

     I asked her what she does for Thanksgiving if anything. Her mom cooks a big turkey dinner with all of the classic fixins like sweet potatoes (which she doesn't like because potatoes aren't supposed to
be sweet). I told her that if she has any leftovers that I'd be very happy if she brought me some... but I don't know if she thinks I was serious. I hope she does.

     We were talking about the body more. I brought up how amazing I thin it is that all of those organs are packed so neatly in such a tight little space as I looked at her tiny little chest. She agreed
and we were talking about where things are. I explained the trick about finding your stomach, and she said why you have to be careful performing CPR so the bottom of the sternum won't puncture your
liver! We were also talking about he orientation of your kidneys because she got that wrong when the doctor in pathology asked her if she knew...

     I was quite turned on by her when she was touching herself pointing out her organs. When she found her lower ribs to find her stomach, I especially liked it. She was wearing a very classy outfit
today and looked very nice. It was a long v-neck emerald sweater with a very sexy lacy undershirt... YUM!    

 I also brought up a conversation Kristen and I were having this morning. I told her it is domestic violence awareness week and asked her if she's hit anyone at home yet to celebrate. She laughed in
surprise, and I explained myself. People celebrate black history month in order to learn black history and put it to use. So violence week means you have to hit someone in order to appreciate not doing
so all the time. I asked how we should celebrate AIDS week, perhaps running around all week trying to get it by having sex. She suggested that we just have a sex week... and took her turn surprising me... I just didn't expect to hear something like that from her...

     We soon parted near the parking lot, unfortunately...
    

October 2, 1995 - Monday

     Kristen tried her hardest to get us in trouble this weekend. Snip...

September 27, 1995 - Wednesday - Meeting Nedda Salehi

     I made an attempt to be seen today and wanted to look as good as possible doing so. It was volunteer day so I got to "dress up" in jeans (tight!) and white shirt anyway. I had a test second period and I tried a new seat in the front left corner. Some little weirdo hick girl kept talking to me which was good, because the girl of interest was just behind me. I don't know anything about her except she's similar in style to Jen Merritt from over the summer. She's of a bigger build, not at all fat, with gorgeous hair and an overall very sensuous look. I got to hear her talk today... but nothing special,
her voice wasn't music to my ears or any magical bullshit like that.

     I eventually moved on to biochemistry where I spoke with a guy about our exam scores. I've known him for along time and he knows me from organic as being able to study for two nights and blow away a test. I did the same on this one, only missing four of fifty with a class average of 64.32! There ended up being one empty seat next to me and that unfortunately meant the two cute girls that have sat next to and talked to me wouldn't this time. I was well prepared to tell all the little Chinese kids and other dorks that the seat was saved waiting for the first (cute) girl to ask for it.

     But up popped one of my duo! It was the one that I would have never expected to sit with me on her own because I couldn't answer any of her questions before the exam and I have never really talked to her much besides that. And it was the one that I most wanted to brag to about my exam score and was afraid I wouldn't get the chance. When she told me she missed seventeen, I felt kind of bad for her, especially after telling her I only studied those few days. She seemed "amazed" that I got the entire set of sequencing problems right when I had just learned how to do them before the test.

     She seemed compelled to prove to me that she's not stupid, which is more of what I had imagined her personality to be like. She said that she had gotten a 93 of the anatomy and physiology exam the day before and an A on her analytical chemistry exam. She told me that she is in the college of pharmacy. She went on telling me about the brain doctor she worked with when she was at Florida State and how his specialty was the internal time clock mechanisms. I told herabout the brain surgery I viewed last semester.

     She then mentioned something about her friend Lisa and asked if I knew her. I think she assumed that we knew each other because Lisa always sat by me and talked to me during class. I said no, and asked if it was the one who always brings everything to class (lunchbag, violin, etc.) and she laughed and agreed. She said that Lisa was sitting further back and I was even more surprised that they didn't
sit together. I then asked her name and I believe she replied with Marilyn but for some reason I heard Maryland.

     I ran into Marinka before class and we joked around for a few minutes. She asked if I would mind if she came over and got me inebriated sometime next week and I said not at all. She claims it's
for an experiment where the person has to react to objects in a black box, but I'm not so sure...

     I met up with Kristen and we clocked in at the emergency room. There was a girl at the desk who looked like a young doctor until I realized that it was a girl from one of my classes wearing a PSO
coat. She was talking about Jeff, saying that he has three of the same classes as she and to our surprise I have not only the same three, but biochemistry as well! She said that she made quite a few
stupid mistakes on the biochem exam but I never found out her score. When Jeff arrived we compare answers from our exam this morning and suddenly we all were friends. How cute.

     Her name is Nedda Salehi and was born in St. Augustine but lived her first eight years in Iran, where her parents are from. She has very long and pretty brown hair. We talked the entire time and were running around doing things together. It was pretty neat to have a partner and I think we'll get to see some cool stuff together if we keep this up. It was also neat how well we got along and kept talking on and on. I got to tell her about working at Busch Gardens and Disney and my interest in zoology. She really seemed to like that and was saying how she even likes parasitology quite a bit which is unusual for a girl. I was also pleased with myself for coming up with some pretty witty jokes, making both of them laugh. And best of all was when Jeff started making fun of her name after I had been serious the whole time. I don't think she appreciated that and I laughed as he scored negative brownie points.

     It also just now starting to settle in as to what I really did this summer. I'm starting to appreciate it for the amazing opportunity that it was. I actually LIVED in Disney World!!! I was able to roam the world for free and enjoy it at my leisure in a manner that most people could only dream about. I think as soon as I get my photo album together, the summer will take on even more meaning and I will realize how wonderful it was as a whole, and not as how pathetic my actual work location was.

September 26, 1995 - Tuesday - Christalee Itchetucknee

     I walked down the ramp of the stadium with my three freshly acquired football tickets in my hand. I glanced up and thought I saw a familiar face but the sun was in my eyes and I couldn't yet tell. I
bowed my head and prayed. Not today. I have a cold. I looked like crap because I only have one class this morning. Oh please be her! And then she called my name and a very large smile appeared across my face.

     Erin Wilcox. We moved to hug each other, hesitated a frightening moment, and then carried through. She looked very good and I made time to walk with her most of the way to her class. How ironic it was that Kristen changed plans on me at the last minute because of a lab
she had to do when it was actually her turn to get the tickets. Does one recall twists of fate? Read.
  
  I spoke as if I didn't already know where she lived or what her phone number is. Instead she mentioned her e-mail account and told me to write her if I get a chance. In desperate fashion, she had a message just hours later. It's just been so long since I've played with her.

     She hates everyone from work pretty much but was telling the few of them she has run into lately. Nilsa in a grocery store, and Brian lives right by her boyfriend (YUK!). I mentioned how I saw everyone over the summer at Pleasure Island on Nilsa's birthday, making sure she knew I had moved on to Disney. She did get "excited" and said it is much better there, for she had always been the one that wanted to work at Disney far more than Busch. In fact, she was the first person who put the idea of college program in my head.

     Meanwhile at home, Kristen and I have made good friends with one of her roommates, Christalee Michelle Catherine Muller. Krista is a local hick with dreams of becoming either a doctor or a highly
acclaimed researcher. She went to the last football game with us and that night, she and I talked for five hours! while Kristen lay sleeping on the couch. She said that it was really good to talk to
someone who actually had a clue what she was talking about philosophically and could actually talk back without sitting there staring blankly. It was pretty refreshing and we learned a lot about
each other that "first" day.

     Krista was upset after her biology exam the other day so Kristen came and got me from the downstairs library so we could cheer her up by having milkshakes. The day after our talk, I had given Krista all of my Discover magazines, my Garth Brooks zoomer CD, and my blender to make shakes. I had said I would, but she was surprised I did so quickly. This was all in lieu of her saying I could have her National geographic collection which ended up being a good size boxful that filled a good number of spaces. Anyway, we used my blender to make blackberry-cookies-n-cream shakes and proceeded to raise her spirits quite a bit.

     Kristen had to run to my room at one point and Krista had yet to tell me what she had scored. I knew I could get her to tell me if we were alone, so I urged Kristen on. I then quickly found out her score and told her how poorly I had done on the same test. It turned out working very well because I later found out that she had told Kristen that he didn't want to tell, me her score because I might think she's stupid! I felt like a psychologist again and was so glad to see her in a better mood.

     We all went to Ichetucknee this Sunday and had a pretty good time tubing although it was overcast and the girls got very cold. It was quite nipply and thus a very pleasant experience for me. I was out of my tube most  of the way, either swimming or walking the bottom of the river. It was really pretty. We later stopped in High Springs where Krista had grown up and went to all of the antique shops and saw a lot of cool stuff.

August 22, 1995 - Thursday - Adventures

     School has started once again and a whole new set of adventures
has sprung up for Kristen and I to experience. Snip...

July 12, 1995 - Wednesday - Random flirtatious nonsense

     I've tried taking back over my life from the boring monotonous routine that I became trapped into. With the help of a refreshed tan (a sign of happiness) I have regained some confidence and have
rereleased my flirtatious nature. My body and mind are now in the process of getting back in shape with my spirit.

     I stepped back and realized I was letting too many little things bother me that I shouldn't. I wasn't really in the mood to be friendly, especially with girls. I was just having too many bad encounters to really enjoy myself, until suddenly now I don't even care. I had been getting upset when the love of my life, Jennifer, only would sit with me if randomly forced to. Today I let a new girl sit with me and saved the other seat for Alli. That way I wouldn't set myself up for a letdown, even though none was probably intended.

     I did walk into the breakroom last night on the way to wardrobe with Dana only to have all three women in the room call out my name practically at once, and none had anything to do with each other. One was Letitia from work who just got married who was talking to Matthew, Dana and my ride home, so that was nothing special. The second was the sixteen year old virgin, Mica-Marya Wenner from our sister buffeteria. She's actually really cute when she wants to be and I like her best out of the little kids in our area. She was talking to two hispanic guys and I completely blew her off by acknowledging Rochelle instead. She walked with me into the locker room and we had a good little chat. I actually think it would be fun to hook up with her here being that she got dumped at the end of summer and all. She's pretty nice but I just can't figure out how to get to be in the same place with her for any length of time.

     When I walked back in the breakroom, Mica made sure I saw her this time. I also had a fan club (of the criticizing sorts) when I went into currency operations with Dana to drop the banks. All of the
girls from the front of the park that work with Keven were there and Jennifer was making a big deal out of me being there. She's the one that called my name out from the pool that day I was walking by with Kristen, which made the latter jealous. Kimberly form the front is one of my new favorite people. We were at lunch collectively the other day until everyone but she and I were there alone. Both Keven and Danielle have individually told me that she is quite and were surprised when I told them how much she ran her mouth at lunch with me that day.

     She came by the boat the other day in plain clothes with a Delta Gamma girl, and she looked fucking amazing!!! I stood there in utter awe which was immediately noticed by my coworkers. And then they all saw Kim recognize me and wave. I was so happy that everyone saw, for it is far and few between when such a beautiful girl acknowledges me on her own accord.
    

July 1, 1995 - Saturday - Galavanting around Disney World!

     I realized last night how little direction my life has when Matt could not figure out at all what he thought I should be. He had a good idea for everyone else but just didn't think being a doctor was
quite right for me. He finally placed me as the person who writes all of the material for the president to speak and indirectly runs the country. Kristen piped up and said I would never go for that because
I would want all of the credit. He then went on to finish by saying that I would write a book exposing everything when I was through, and Kristen and I laughed, agreeing at how true that part really was.

     I attempted today to get a little bit of n...... back into me, for it's been a long time since I've peeled off my clothes and just shriveled like a raisin out in the hot Florida sun. It felt amazing. I've even started a new fad with myself by wearing a pair of sunglasses, something I have never done before. They are those almost new Oakleys I found on the Kumba that time that were in perfect condition. I also found and put back in an earring today for the first time in quite a while. I'm positive that Kristen will be disappointed after how many times she noticed and complimented me for not having one in.

     I went with Kristen gallivanting all around the World yesterday. We started by heading over to the casting building to complete a little task presented to us during our seminars on Wednesday. I asked
her to try and get the same assignment that I had gotten so we could do them together. We had to answer a lot of questions about the new employee recruitment process including its challenges and the way the building it is done in is presented. I was actually amazed by the place for it was an extremely imposing and grandeur work of architecture that made you feel puny compared to the almighty Walt Disney Company. I brought a camera with me to get a lot of the memories I've been waiting to capture on film since the summer started, and we started here by having one of the employees take on of us together on the entrance ramp to the main desk and lobby.

     On the was there a pretty cute girl had been sitting at the bus stop with Kristen when I arrived. I made eye contact with this girl and slightly smiled as I walked up, but nothing unusual. As we boarded the van, Kristen said this girl seemed extremely eager to get in front of her and sit right next to me. I was rather pleased. I even joked to Kristen this morning that if she wasn't nice to me, I
would go and ride that same van all day until the girl came back. I also had her thank me for not making conversation with this girl in the first place which I very well could have. Especially how Clint was saying that I'm so easy to have a conversation with, after he was amazed hat I always insight something to talk about.

     I didn't really think much about the whole deal until the same girl came and sat in one of the closest lounges to me this morning at the pool. I had never seen this girl before yesterday and suddenly she's popping up everywhere like some kind of beautiful omen... or fate? She has a very attractive body, but didn't take of her Umbros when she was laying out hinting at thighs on the larger side.

     Kristen and I walked over to the Sunbank when we were done at casting so I could cash my paycheck and buy some two dollar bills, of which they only had nine. We then went into the Disney Village Marketplace where they sell the best soft pretzels I've seen on Disney property. Kristen bought one and I decided to finally buy one of the cinnamon ones that I had always wanted to try. It ended up being even more delicious that hers, so I didn't much mind the dollar seventy-five price tag.

     We switched over to mass guest transportation and headed in towards the Magic Kingdom. There were what seemed like fifty million people waiting in line for the monorail there but none for the
resorts one, which stops at the same Magic Kingdom station as the other one. We walked right on past the herds and even rode in the very front with the operator which excited Kristen a lot. It was only my second time doing that so I thought it was pretty cool, too.

     We knew it would pretty much be too crowded to ride the stuff that we've already been on fifty times anyway so we took advantage of the sun and her mom's expensive camera while we had it. We figured we'd just take pictures, eat and shop. We got a few good ones at the front of the park including one of her holding a giant bouquet of balloons that a cast member was selling. We ate at the employee breakroom that I had just found out about the other day during the college program publicity photos. We bought the exact same pizza sold in the park for well over three dollars for a dollar thirty. We ate with the guests, though, overlooking a lake and Cinderella's castle.

     We shopped out at property control where we receive our seventy-five percent discount but only found a cool little CD with hits from 1978. It was awesome because it is some of the earliest music that I can remember, for both Kristen and Matt don't. We then ran around the park for a while longer getting some really good pictures, quite a few where a guests would offer to take one of us together which was really nice and really cool. I also cornered Meeko, everyone's favorite raccoon from Pocahontas, and we both had our picture taken with John Smith and the Powhatan princess herself.

     We had a huge spool of cotton candy and watched the runoff election between Winnie the Pooh and Captain Hook in the Main Street town square before heading off to Epcot. We enjoyed a romantic little ferry ride across the lake followed by a two and a half mile monorail trip to the park entrance. Once inside, we headed towards the world showcase had a gorgeous blonde named Nicole guide us around the world in a replica of a London bus. We got off at France and headed out the
back of the park over to the Yacht and Beach Club resorts and wandered around taking pictures for a while. We had a security guard named John tell us all about how to look inconspicuous when sneaking into the pools there which are reminiscent of a typical water park's.

     We played a little ski ball and air hockey at the arcade before swinging on the beach of the lake for a little while. We took the river walk back to Epcot and found good seats for IllumiNations,
which neither of us had ever seen before. I was amazed. It was the best show I have yet to see at Disney complete with lasers, spotlights, fireworks and music.

June 28, 1995 - Wednesday - A beautiful beast

     There's actually a girl here at Vista Way that I am completely entranced by. She picks up where my fascination for Lara left off. I dare say I would marry this girl right now without knowing anything further than I already do about her personality and lifestyle. Of course I speak of Kristen's roommate, Jennifer Merritt.

     Jen comes from Pennsylvania but goes to school with Wil at Bowling Green in Ohio. She has admitted to being a spoiled brat, the daughter of very prominent parents. Jen is Presbyterian, but says
that her virginity has nothing to do whatsoever with her religion. She is waiting only for the right guy to come along. This may very well be the second time Kristen has ruined an opportunity for me to
be a gorgeous virgin's "right guy". The first was Erin Wilcox. Jennifer claims to be anything but innocent but won't explain why, no matter how much I coax and prod. She also says she is really mean and sarcastic (so am I!!!) to those around her. She has agreed to "leave me a letter on my pillow" at the end of the semester explaining the evil within her, and Kristen seems to think it means that Jen has done everything but have sex.

     This girl is just so fucking beautiful. She is a very big girl who is in no way overweight. She's just HUGE! which givers her the ability to carry herself with all sorts of apparent dignity. Despite
her beautiful appearance, he claims to have extremely low self esteem and we had along talk at lunch yesterday where I tried to relate to her about that as much as possible. Unfortunately she is under the
belief that Kristen and I are (or at least should be) dating and I think that truly affects her opinion towards me. I was hoping to fight the odds and see if I could milk this inner bad girl to see if
she be willing to consummate.

     Or perhaps I could look a little bit closer to home and fight for a bit of recognition from Alli Gill. She is the Zeta from UF which is in my seminar. She is very beautiful and we can actually talk and joke around with each other without much difficulty. I actually find myself looking at her with what I call "smiling eyes". Like a gentle and tender but very happy glisten that I also see as she returns my gaze...

     Well, I'm lying here staring at my giant confederate flag on the wall, and listening to one of my two new Disney Classic CD's that each have twenty-five songs each from all of the Disney animated
films prior to Pocahontas.

June 20, 1995 - Tuesday - Disney Sucks!

     Things are still severely boring and repetitive here at the most wonderful place on earth. The only trickle of satisfaction I get is from giving away free stuff to guests to increase their Disney experience. It's a privilege called "going above and beyond the guest's expectations". If someone seems even the slightest bit unhappy then I can often really cheer them up with something as
simple as a free drink or a bag of chips. If their wait is too long due to the person filling orders ignorance, then I will wake up for that with something free. It's a really nice little bit of power that
a lot of the full timers frown down upon. However, every supervisor in the park eagerly allows it (which explains why they are supervisors and the others are not!).

     It just amazes me, though, how much fighting and bickering goes on in practically every location in the park, according to all of my friends. There is no intimate supervision so when a fight happens, no punishment occurs, allowing such trivial bullshit to continue every day. It's the most ridiculous situation I have ever seen. No one is happy because of all this shit and the resulting attitudes get
directed at the guests. I am just so impressed with how well Busch Gardens promotes relations between individual employees, thus keeping them happy. I like to say that Disney really is made of magic, because there sure as hell isn't anything else holding it together!!!

     I ended up hanging out with Dana for a few nights doing stuff like drinking quite a bit of vodka. I got drunk but not wasted on five two ounce shots. We messed around a couple of times but I felt
really guilty because of Kristen so I just brushed Dana off and hardly talk to her anymore. I knew I could never love her or pursue anything with her and the though of a one night stand with someone
like that made me sick. I've been thinking a lot about love lately and have become even more content with not wanting to find anyone new this summer. I'll just wait... unfortunately this comes during my
stay at the "second easiest place in the country to get laid", and the "place where you will meet your wife".

     But that leaves me severely bored in the meantime with no real purpose in life but to drift along until this fleeting summer is over. It makes it all feel so fake to me since I can't really control anything here and don't care what happens anyway.

June 4, 1995 - Sunday - River Country

     Nothing very good is happening in the woman department these days. It could have something to do with the fact that I work from noon until eleven almost every day and can't go out with everyone
very often. It's also fucking overcast every day off I do get so I'm turning whiter than a fucking marshmallow.

     I had fun last night when me and three of the guys headed out to the theater and saw the latest Die Hard for the second time. It was much better the second time around. There was a riddle where you had one five gallon bottle and one three gallon bottle and had to measure out four gallons precisely. Genius me had to explain the answer fifty times and even draw out a schematic doing so. Heath said that I was actually good for something.

     That reminds me... Matt Spiroti, the Carolinian, has screwed this Chi Omega from Southwest Texas Matt's school named Christi. She's a snob on the bigger side but is still fairly attractive. I
rode in the back seat with her that last time I went to Pleasure Island when I brought Matt back home puking his guts out. Spiroti stood the fellows up Friday night after asking them to wait for him
and then disappearing with Christi and not coming back. He then called last night and said he was bringing a bunch of friends over to have a little party. Clint talked to him first and then Heath, who
was still a little perturbed, got on the phone. He asked him what has a small dick and hangs down. The answer, a bat. He then asked what has a big dick and hangs up... and did!!! We all had a damn good laugh at that one.

     I went with Keven yesterday morning morning to Disney's River Country, the water (hole) park made back in the (Renaissance) seventies. It is free this month to employees so we decided to check
it out rather than paying the fifteen bucks. There are three, yes THREE, slides total and one is a kiddie ride! There is one little clean pool and the bigger one is connected to the lake that borders
many of the better resorts as well as the Magic Kingdom. We got free five dollar locker rentals from the guy working who then asked where we worked so the favor could be returned. Anyone with half a brain cell would know that's not the way things work around here but I laughed and agreed with him anyway.

     We quickly completed the two big rides which were OK but didn't even compare to Adventure Island's smallest ride. There was a volleyball net in about three feet of water and we came up to some
people just horsing around. They asked us to join in and we played and had an awesome time. I joked that there actually was something fun to do in the park.

     At the boat, a few more college program people have actually started working. There's this new girl named Dana who is doing the program for the second time. She's pretty tall and is cute, with
really nice thighs. She's from Massachusetts and wants to transfer to UF!!! to major in early childhood education. I was surprised at how much she paralleled Kristen. A lot of the people at work have kids already and I brought up the subject with her. She laughed and said that she doesn't have any yet but wants to have a lot once she is married. I think I asked her if she is Catholic but she said no.

May 26, 1995 - Friday - Rescuing Matt

     I just performed what I think is the first kind act ever
directed by me towards a fellow male. A million and a half of us
headed over to Pleasure Island tonight and had just gotten in the
front gate when Matt started feeling really sick. He had been totally
wasted for a long time and really needed to head back home. He had
never before taken the shuttle back to Vista Way so I intended on
making sure he made it back home safe and sound. We did meet some
girls from Sweden as we waited for the bus and I almost went to the
grocery store with the two of them to buy alcohol and hang out with
them. I didn't have any money on me though and I didn't want to make
myself look that bad.

May 22, 1995 - Monday - Lara in my Lap

     Today I started working at my new location for the very first
time. It's called Min and Bill's Dockside Diner and looks like a
silly little steamboat sitting in a pond. And most of the people I
work with are either middle aged lesbians or are in some way impaired
(so it seems). But I've been told not to worry because the cute girls
will be coming on the weekends and all summer as soon as school lets
out.

     I had a pretty fun day overall and was somewhat impressed by the
way Disney runs a fast food establishment. It wasn't half as bad as I
feared it would be, or as Matt said it was for him over at the All
Star Resort on his first day.

     It was partially because of the people I got to hang out with
all day, too. I met Rochelle who lives just around the corner from us
here in Vista Way when we were going through the second day of
traditions. She goes to Ball State in Indiana and only knows Clint
from when she met him at the airport after the plane ride here. She
seemed pretty bitter at first about having to work at food service,
and some other people got the same impression about her in general. I
was trying to be witty with her and eventually found out that she was
just dumped before leaving from a relationship that had been going
perfectly up until that day. That might explain just a little bit.

     She showed up on the same bus that Keven and I rode in this
morning and sat just across from me. We ended up arriving an hour
early so we just hung out at some picnic table outside the break room
making fun of everybody. We joke around a lot and I've seen her cute
little smile quite a few times so I've quickly overcome thinking
she's a negative person. If only she didn't have brown eyes...

     I ended up meeting her at lunch as well. She was with a Chinese
girl who goes to UF with me. Rochelle wanted to get some French fries
and since I was already in line at the grill, I saId I'd get them for
her. I then bought them for her and didn't let her pay me back,
although she didn't try very hard. I also encouraged her to let me
buy her a soda this morning during our cash handling break, and she
seemed appreciative. I consider them small monetary tools for kissing
someone's ass.

     She kept telling me about this friend of hers with red hair who
is from England. I finally got to hear her accent at lunch and got to
meet her when she and Rochelle saw me in the unisex locker room. She
introduced herself to me and her name flew straight through me brain
for I was so enthralled by her beauty, especially for a redhead.
Keven met her earlier and said her name is Kirsten when we were on
the van home. I met a few more girls on the way back. One named Kelly
from Miami University in Ohio who is transferring to St. Louis in the
fall. The other's name is Kelly who's best friend rooms with
Rochelle.

     My most promising and exciting venture so far came Saturday
night when we all decided to have dinner together. The girls upstairs
went out and bought the fixings to make spaghetti, al a chef Matt. I
offered the garlic powder to make the bread and washed a lot of the
dishes at the end to do my part. The food was delicious and I was
surprised because I don't normally like chunky sauce.

     We checked out a VCR from the clubhouse after dinner so we could
watch Sleepless in Seattle. As I finished up the dishes, Jennifer who
was laying on the couch, offered to let me sit at her feet. Of course
such a trivial thing excited me and I would have let her through her
feet on me and even massage them had situations warranted. She passes
out pretty quick because of all the lifeguard classes. I woke her up
a little while later and she went ahead back upstairs, giving me the
full couch. By the very end of the movie, only Clint, Lara, and I
remained. I figured that she would be extremely prompt in leaving as
soon as the movie ended because Clint doesn't seem like the kind of
guy she would like to talk to and I just have low self esteem about
myself anyway.

     We all started talking for a few minutes and I was painfully
waiting for her to say goodbye, but she didn't. We brought up grades
somewhere in there and Lara was ranked number four in her class and
was in the upper eleven hundreds on the SAT. Clint's were "worse". So
of course I had to brag without seeming like I was and really
impressed Clint with my 5.3.

     Lara was telling us how they moved down from Pennsylvania early
during high school and she went from the biggest prep school in the
world to a school that was sixty percent black!!! Poor little girl.
She explained that they were the inner city kind and were really
tough and mean which scared the shit out of her. I don't blame her.

     I noticed while we were talking that she would kind of stare off
between us a lot when she was talking and would talk to Clint with
the same look that she was giving the wall. But quite often when she
looked at me her eyes would flutter for an instant almost like she
was the slightest bit shy. I liked that a lot. We kept talking for a
while and it was over an hour and a half before Clint finally went to
bed just before two. I was again overcome by a fear that she would
leave me now so I sat up on the couch and told her to come sit with
me because she seemed to be moving around a lot on the floor. CLint
had been on the far side of the room and she was in the middle of
both of us, but that was no longer necessary with him gone. She
obliged!

     The hourly chime on her watch seemed to beep like an alarm, it
went so fast and so often. It wasn't until after four thirty that we
finally called it a night!!! We talked about everything that has ever
pertained to either of our lives and I knew to take advantage of this
moment because it was one of the rare situations that I work best in.
I also say that all I need is a few hours alone, but preferably on
the phone, with someone to win them over. It almost sounds like a
game but it's not at all, for I was totally interested in everything
this girl had to say.

     I almost orgasmed earlier when we were talking about movies
because she asked at one point if we had ever seen Stargate!!! I said
seven times and she went on to use every argument that I always do to
explain why it is such an awesome movie. I was impressed and told her
so. She also said something from Better Off Dead and I almost died. I
repeated something else back from the movie and she almost had the
same reaction. I have always loved that movie but have NEVER found
anyone who knew what it was until now. I was completely amazed and we
went on to talk about our uniquely similar taste in movies in more
detail.

     She said, after talking about Stargate, that she would love more
than anything to go to Egypt and would really love one of those
nameplates using hieroglyphics. Chrissy knows how to write them so
I'm hoping I can at least get at written copy of her name soon. I
also saw THE military jacket and T-shirt worn by Lieutenant Kawalsky
(John Diehl) in Stargate at this shop at Pleasure Island selling such
things. I stopped standstill and just stared for the longest time,
wanting...

     My search for happiness will be over the day I have Lara sitting
in my lap with nothing but Kawalsky's jacket on, watching Better Off
Dead...

May 17, 1995 - Wednesday - Vista Way

     I've finally made it to Disney World against all of my
pessimistic expectations. CJ returned my call the very next day last
Thursday telling me she had found my paperwork. I thanked her
profusely but still had a bit of fear that someone had screwed up and
signed me up for the fall. I decided to just wait things out and hold
my breath until I got up here to see whether or not everything would
work out.

     Meanwhile I kept insisting to Kristen that I was so pissed at
Disney altogether for not taking an interest in my problem that I was
ready not to even bother showing up at all. In part this was true,
just in case, but I didn't bother to ever tell her that they called
me back. I was very prepared to get a job at Kmart or Walmart, or
maybe even both, and just bike over there all of the time. I figured
I could make and save up some pretty impressive bucks by doing so,
and meet some local girls to mess around with. Kristen was pretty
freaked out by the whole facade until finally I gave in and told her
at about midnight just before I'd be leaving in the morning for
Orlando. She was mad at me while at the same time glad I was going
which made it fun to hear her try to spit out what she felt.

     I had been asking her how she feels about me over the last few
days before we came up here. I wanted to know exactly where she
stands so I could understand and treat her better instead of so
sarcastically. I also wanted to know what it was like for her to be
around me the entire time after breaking up, unlike Shar¡ and I which
apparently was much harder being apart. She ended up breaking down
and telling me that she definitely still loves me, something which I
knew already. I actually told her that I love her, too, but in the
sense that I care about her very strongly as a best friend and
someone to talk with regardless of who is having problems.

     I headed out of Tampa with Father just after dropping Chrissy
off at the bus stop in the morning. It only took us about an hour and
a half which left us a little while to explore Lake Buena Vista
before we were allowed to check in to the apartments. I soon found
myself in a very nice clubhouse praying as a woman searched through a
file for my name, AND SHE FOUND IT!!! One woman actually said she
knew my name already because she had received two papers on me! That
means they DID get them both and someone was really screwing up on
me. I signed my paperwork and then headed into another room to get my
room information. This country boy ahead of me asked me when my
seminars were and I immediately thought that he was a pretty nice
guy. When I received my room agreement I notice that the guy was in
my room so I walked up to him and said, "Hello roommate!" and we
introduced ourselves.

     The guy, Matt, is from North Carolina, home of the Tar Heels,
and comes from a town of thirty-five thousand called Morganton near
Ashville. I ended up beating him to the room where I met Heath
Mitchell from the Texas flatlands. Heath goes to Texas Tech and is a
lifeguard as is his roommate, another Matt. I thought that was pretty
cool figuring they'd be be bringing over quite a few girls, and when
they turned out to be jerks, Attentive Dan would be the want they
want. Clint, from Ball State in Ohio, picked up on the fact last
night after seeing me at work. He asked me if I'm the silent yet
deadly type and I strongly agreed that I am. Clint vows to have me
changed by the end of the summer so that the girls will be coming to
me rather than me going after them. We'll see.

     I picked a bedroom and as soon as Matt showed up I had him room
with me. I figured it would be easy to get along with a fellow hick
especially when it comes to country music. He also offered to sleep
out on the couch any time I wanted to bring a girl over for which I
was very grateful and will also respect towards him. The last
roommate's name is Keven and he turns out to go to the University of
Florida with me. That was weird because Rick promised not to do that
but oh well. He's the biggest nerd of the bunch but he's still pretty
cool. Everybody here is.

     Kristen and I planned to meet up at four just before our meeting
but I went to an early one and thus was free for the rest of the day.
The second one was at five but I decided to check and see if she'd be
there anyway. If not I was going to be pretty pissed and not worry
about her until she found me. I checked both meeting places and just
as I did, her mom's car drove by and they noticed me. They made me
get in the car and took me back to Kristen's apartment. They had just
gone to the grocery store and had taken Jen, Kristen's roommate from
Bowling Green, Ohio. Jen is perhaps the most gorgeous girl I have met
so far and I have already let Kristen know it She's been a little
lacking on the personality side but claims that's just because she's
been really tired after the plane trip and all.

     Kristen's physical roommate is Sally from Alabama who is in
Delta Zeta which I have already dubbed "DiZzy" or maybe even "DitZy".
She has an awesome southern accent but seemed like a total bitch. I
ended up meeting all of the other roommates and then we all decided
to go out to some bars to hang out. There were free drinks for ladies
at the Baja at Crossroads so everyone over twenty-one wanted to go
there while we all went to Johnny's. Kristen, Jen and I decided to
head back to the apartment early because Kristen hadn't eaten yet and
there was nothing really for us to do, especially with Kristen
around. On the way back some girls at a party on the third floor were
yelling hello out the window. Some guys behind us yelled back but the
girls said they weren't talking to them and then pointed at me! I
felt special, for a second.

     The others stepped back by the room and Sally stopped at he
counter and stared at Kristen for a second and I told Kristen how sad
Sally looks now that we left her as the only person under twenty-one!
When Kristen realized that we did leave her she freaked out and
became very apologetic. I knew that wasn't really on Sally's mind but
it did cause her to suddenly open up with us and we had an awesome
time talking and hanging out for the next couple of hours. She's a TV
freak and knows all kinds of trivia. She also practically has every
episode of Beavis and Butthead memorized which I have never seen a
girl do before. I guess her sorority doesn't quite take up all of her
time. She's also strongly for the death penalty and we agreed
perfectly on a lot of other extremist ideas. Kristen was shocked that
our personalities matched so exactly and of course I loved it. After
Sally went to bed, Kristen and I actually messed around for a little
while in front of an open window, and then I had Kristen shave my
neck in the bathroom.

     I headed home after that hoping the guys would have girls over
and I wasn't disappointed. They were all sitting around the table
playing drinking games when I walked in, except for Keven who was
watching. I sat down for a few minutes and this one girl kept talking
top me trying to find out what I had done and was asking if it would
have been more fun if she was there. I thought she, another Jennifer,
was pretty good looking and so was her friend, Lara (Clara without
the C, as she apparently introduced herself earlier). I soon found
myself sitting on the countertop overlooking there game and chugged a
Michelob Light before joining in. I placed myself very stealthily
right in between Lara and Jennifer as we started playing a variety of
card games headed by Clint.

     Fortunately the two buzzing girls at my side didn't know how to
play poker so I got to "teach" them. There was a third girl there
named Kendra from New Mexico whom the guys like but I think is
disgusting. The opinions of Lara are completely reversed because I
love her and they all think she's a fucking bitch. I helped Jennifer
win a hand of poker just before getting twenty-one in a game of the
same name myself.

     Jennifer had been talking about this racist joke her dad had
told her when she told him she had two black roommates but didn't
want to tell it because she didn't know anyone that well yet, etc.
Clint was constantly begging her to tell it and then I tried. Two
minutes later she agreed but said we'd have to go outside and we did.
Lara came too because she was mad that Jennifer wouldn't even tell
her, her own roommate. I looked back at the desperate bunch of guys
and apologized for stealing their women so quickly, for Kendra had
already gone home. Jennifer told us the classic bowling balls as
n..... eggs joke. She then kept asking if I'd think badly of her now
and I said definitely not, and that I respect her more for being
truthful now rather than later.

     After we had headed back in, Clint was asking us how long we
have known each other and I put my arm around her and said for years
and she smiled and agreed. I later admitted that I'd only known her
for ten minutes and he (they) were upset that she told me and none of
them. Tough break guys. We then played a betting game and needed some
coins. Everyone was scrounging for pennies and I just happen to have
a baggie full from when I was cleaning up at home so I got a big
cheer from everyone when I dumped them on the table.

     As the beer ran out, the guys started getting hungry and were
making some nasty shit. I asked the girls if they wanted some ice
cream and they didn't know how that would be after so much alcohol. I
said that was Ok and I would just wait and they both yelled that I
didn't need to. Jennifer offered to help me eat some and Lara offered
to fix it for me! I guess that's partially why I don't see her as big
a bitch as the others. I heard she had offered Heath the front seat
earlier since he was so tall but the reneged saying that she was a
girl and was in a skirt so she got the front. He hated that a lot and
I think he's holding a little bit of a grudge.

     We were talking about middle names at one point and Jennifer
said to guess hers and I said Ann, and I was right! Yet another
brownie point. We then started making designs with the pennies as we
talked with each other about ourselves. By this time I was alone with
the girls at the table and thought to myself that only I can come in,
steal all of the girls, and turn it into a sensuous (even nerdy)
intellectual talk. I soon really started falling in love as Jennifer
told me that she is studying biomedical technology at Texas A&M with
the intentions of becoming a dentist. She has to take the DAT soon
and has even suggested that I could maybe help her after telling her
my experiences with Kostas. Lara is from Wellington, North Carolina
and goes to the same school as Matt does. She wants to be a doctor
specializing in premature infants!!! I was surrounded by prosperous
people and thus had to brag about my own interest in joining the
medical field.

     After finishing up the ice cream we all took pictures together
and I made sure I was as close as possible to Jennifer as often as I
could be. They then headed home at about three and we all crashed for
a good long time. I was quite proud of my first day's accomplishments
and knew that this is going to be a fucking wild summer!

May 8, 1995 - Monday - Dealing with Disney

     Life has been horribly stressful lately. I'm finally back in
Tampa but am still dazed and confused, for I still don't know whether
or not I will have a job at Disney this summer. I pray I won't have
to sit on my ass at home all summer either waiting until the girls
get out of school to work at Busch or getting some measly little
shithead job around here. I guess I could bike to a local job if I
really needed to, like Kmart or something, but probably not.

     When I called Disney last Monday night to verify the receipt of
my job confirmation form and the money order for the housing deposit,
they said that it had not yet arrived. I mailed the damn thing
priority mail back on April thirteenth and I was suddenly scared to
death. She didn't really know what to tell me except that hopefully
it will soon arrive (they will find it!!!). I put out a mail trace
the next morning and called Disney back. This time a different woman
told me that she would go ahead and verbally accept me (whatever that
means) and have my file processed. It especially sucked because I
might not get the type of housing I wanted or the particular business
seminars that interested me. And to think I worked so hard to get it
mailed back to them in the first place.

     Marlon and I set up his computer to receive a fax and then
called Disney back. It was yet another woman who called up my name on
the computer and said that I was indeed verbally accepted (relief, to
show that the other girl wasn't just saying that) and faxed me
another copy of the form so I could get the faculty advisor signature
again. They asked if I would be able to send another money order and
I quickly said that it wouldn't be a problem. A few minutes later
Marlon's phone rang and they transmitted the form. He printed it out
and I took it to the copy center to enlarge it. After getting Doctor
Reiskind to sign it again, I went to the bank and bought another
money order, while putting a trace on the first one. that way they
will refund it to me after sixty days, or send me a cancelled
photocopy of the money order showing who endorsed it.

     I'm impatiently waiting until I can again call Disney and see if
I'm ready to go. I hate to even imagine what might have happened if
they never received my forms and I got up there next Tuesday, only to
be turned away. Believe me, I would raise hell. I will be prepared
with photocopies of everything I have mailed when I arrive just in
case. Kristen went with her family and some relatives to Universal
Studios on Saturday with a side trip through Vista Way, the apartment
complex. She said it looks very nice, and has a smaller grocery store
called Food Lot just across the way. It all sounds so wonderful that
I hate to get my hopes up until I'm in my apartment, for I have said
all along that I won't believe that it's true until that point in
time.

     As I left the post office that afternoon I ran across a street
to see someone waving at me in a car to come closer. It ended up
being Jamie who told me to get in and asked me where I was going. I
was so relieved not to have to walk all of the way home then, and I'm
afraid she will never know how much I appreciated her generosity
right then. It really cheered me up just to get to talk to someone
besides Kristen about all that happened. We joked about why she never
came and saw my room before and I came really close to asking her up
for a few minutes but she seemed like she was in such a hurry.
Besides, I already knew some guy was coming to spend the night with
her so I didn't want to waste her time. We ran into each other
Thursday night again and she yelled at me to stop following her
around everywhere. It was cute.

     All of this "flirting" I have done with Jamie lately has really
freaked Kristen out quite a bit. She's not entirely jealous, she just
doesn't understand how I can possibly want to be nice to Jamie.
Kristen thinks Jamie is one of the meanest people and explains quite
often how Jamie was friends with everyone in their hall in the
beginning, and now everyone hates her. She even compared her to Leigh
Anne, from as much as she learned about her through reading my
journal. I just like her a lot because she's just as sarcastic as I
am, but still seems quite caring inside. I've explained to Kristen
that I also don't have to hate Jamie just because she doesn't really
like her, I'm not that kind of person.

     I was afraid once again and had been for a while that I might
have lost yet another wonderful friend from my life. I hadn't talked
with Kimmeth since December and I had been the last to call. I
started being more optimistic though, that if she wasn't dead or
married, that everything would be all right and we could easily catch
up after only a four month hiatus, considering we live so far apart
at the moment. On the weekend before exams I arrived home to find a
message from the goddess herself asking what I'm up to and to please
give her a call tomorrow (Sunday). Kristen was over both days and as
we started making spaghetti on Sunday night, she headed down to the
community ovens to bake the garlic bread. I took the opportunity to
call Kim, and she was home and sounded quite happy to hear from me.

     She shared all of the latest stories about her life with me,
including the latest strange dreams she's had. I pouted at one point,
wondering why she doesn't have any wild dreams about me. She tried
quickly to remember any recent ones but said that as soon as she has
a juicy one, she'll let me know. And besides, they usually come true!
I was surprised at how much I was talking about myself, way more that
normal. She sounded very excited about my volunteering in the
operating and emergency rooms at the hospital and loved my stories
about the surgeries I have seen.

     She offered to help me find a job if I needed to come down there
for the summer (if Disney doesn't work out) which would be awesome.
They're paid ten dollars an hour to clean boats and I'd work damn
hard for her. We were also briefly talking about us, and how she
needs to get a boyfriend quick so I can steal her away from him, in
reference to my normal style. I also said that we had our chance that
summer and she left me. She agreed that we came really close but
unfortunately she wasn't happy in Tampa but reassured me quite a bit
that it wasn't because of me at all. She sounded sincere enough to
make me wonder (and regret) things a little bit. Had I only stayed in
Tampa and gone to USF... (I'm not really that bad, but it's
definitely a thought worth pondering).

     It was just so good to talk to her again, and to reinforce one
of the tiny bits of consistency in my life.