My feelings about Kimmeth are spinning in a very confusing whirlwind around my head. I don't know what to think about her, or what to say to her. I wish we could just talk about us, to clarify what exactly our relationship is and how we feel about each other. If I look at her actions Monday night with a tiny bit of optimism, it almost seemed like she was testing me, or trying possibly to attract me. I hope she wasn't just playing games, because it hurts too much not knowing anything when I want to know so much. I guess all of this is stemming from the fact that the girl whom I consider to be my best friend is tearing herself suddenly out of my life. Maybe I should tell her how I feel. Should I risk losing her over my needs? That's not really true because I am extremely concerned about her needs as well.
Then I'll start thinking about her situation. She's probably the best person, it terms of potential in life, that's coming out of her family and she knows that. I almost used to see her as superhuman because of her age difference and obvious maturity. It almost seems to take away her personal traits. Now I am thinking that she is just a lonely person too, with feelings and cravings that need to be fulfilled. Maybe if I could have looked at her as an equal a long time ago, things could be much better now.
I have been listening to a lot of Q105 lately, since they've turned country. They play only the hottest new country,a nd it sounds awesome on my car stereo. I listened to them all day today at the beach, as well. They would sing every once in a while and missed opportunities and dreams that die because you wait too long. I almost cried once. Just lying there in the sun doing nothing but thinking, it can be dangerous to the soul.
I drove father's Cadillac to Kimmeth's house Tuesday night. It is extremely comfortable and I was surprised at how well I could drive it through the city. I actually think that I would take it if he wanted to trade the Mustang in on a new van. Kim seemed surprised when she saw the big silver Cadillac in place of the little car I usually drive. I even drove us to the movies. I told her on the phone that I brought her the last of Jon's Jamaican jerk seasoning. She said before that she really likes it and was excited when I said that I brought some.
We went and saw Three of Hearts, a movie about two lesbians who break up and then one hires a male escort to break the other's heart and send her running back. I paid for the tickets automatically without ever mentioning a word to her. It seemed silly at first, but it was an awesome movie. It was very sensuous and never really dealt with homosexuality whatsoever. It was very tasteful. William Baldwin was hilarious and also ended up using almost every sweet or emotional line to win a girl's heart that you could. It sucked though because I had actually thought of using a few of those on Kim the night before, and now she'd think I got them from the movie. We didn't talk that much through the movie. We would joke about something every once in a while. It was a somewhat slow movie, and I was thinking about Kim a lot. I'd just love to be able to stare into those eyes.
She had to be at work again early the next morning. We talked outside for a few minutes in the dark, but nothing became of it. She suddenly saw the moon and told me to look at how full it is. I calmly said from across the yard that nothing weird had happened yet. She answered that it isn't really a full moon until tomorrow night and we said goodbye. Unfortunately I didn't see her on Wednesday.
I went with mother and father to have an eye exam at Wal MArt on Wednesday morning. I drove the car again. There was a gorgeous assistant working there. She was tall with wavy blonde hair and was pretty young. She had on a low cut emerald shirt under her lab coat and had the cutest freckles all over her breasts. She was very good looking, so I started flirting. She took me in a room where she would give me a pre-examination. It really seemed like she was flirting with me. She first was saying how it was much hotter than normal in the room. I thought it was quite cool. She was puffing out her shirt to cool off. Yum. She then was laughing about how long my eyelashes are because it took her a while to get the glaucoma tester up close to my eye. She also had me follow a pencil with my eyes to test my muscles. She moved it straight across her tits, and then towards and away from her. When she pulled it towards her, she practically embedded it between her breasts. I was happy.
I then had my exam. The optometrist was a pretty young guy and we were talking a lot. He asked me if I am a senior in high school because of my age. When I told him no, that I'm a sophomore in college, he was pretty surprised. After I told him my major is microbiology, we started talking all about medical fields and that kind of stuff. It was really interesting. As he wiped off the lens of the prescription finder, it popped off and fell into the gears of the machine. He took it apart and I kept finding it for him. He eventually went out to where the assistants and my parents were and told them that he wants his other one back from the shop as soon as possible, and then said that, `Dan is back there helping me fix it,' quite loudly. It was funny. When I was with the blonde, he was talking to my parents. When we first started he told me that my mother was asking him all kinds of questions in a sort of give-me-a-break tone. It was funny.
I finally finished my exam and picked out a really sophisticated pair of glasses made by Stetson. They are pretty nice. I was surprised when they said that she could have them finished in about half an hour. I had originally scheduled my appointment for Friday but changed it to Wednesday to give them a couple of working days so I could get them this week. I never figured on getting them the same day, and because it was so early in the morning with no other customers, it took almost no time at all. We also found out that he was leaving on Friday, and had to reschedule all of his appointments for the week after.
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