(January 31, 1994 - Today's journal was written on Thanksgiving weekend at home over the holiday and is taken word for word from the handwritten copy.)
I finally started making the phone calls at nine that had been one of the only reasons that I came home to Tampa for the weekend. I had been talking to mom and Chrissy about Shar¡ for a while and told them about the first day we met, and my mom reminded me every once in a while how she up and left me. Thanks. So Christina was the first one I called, and she seemed damn happy to hear from me. We caught up real quick and she ended up telling me that she got pregnant about three weeks ago and told me the story behind that. I pouted to her that it sucks that she's not a free woman anymore and she laughed. She then told me that Shar¡, (Tracy)?, and I are the only ones who know. She then told me that she was going over to Shar¡'s to pick her up! She said that they were just going to hang out for a while. She also told me that Shar¡ has been a real bitch to everybody lately and said that it is because she is living on her own now with her boyfriend so she thinks she is the shit. I hat that fucking expression!!! But that had been the only real reason I called, to get the latest scoop on Shar¡. She then asked if she could call me back at 10:30 after she got Shar¡. That's an hour an fifteen minutes and I tried to get an idea of where Shar¡ was staying.
I then talked with my family, but I paced with the same reckless heartbeat that I used to get waiting for Shar¡ to call. I had this fantasy that Shar¡ would be the one who calls me back, but realized that I was definitely in for a letdown.
At 10:50 Shar¡ called!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.....
We talked for just a minute and she called me back a few minutes later. We talked again for a few minutes and she did say Happy Birthday! She then asked if I would come over for a few minutes just to show my face even though I think she's a bitch. I resisted a little because I was afraid to see her face to face and choke up. I found out she did get my letter from her dad after she repeatedly asked me if I got her last one. She then said that she just wanted to explain things and I told her that he didn't have to. She stopped me and told me that there's more than that and she wants to talk to me./ Christina then got on and told me to come, and I convinced a car into my possession rather quickly as I parted.
I was expecting Shar¡ to have gotten bigger from sitting around, hoping for any reason to help me forget about her. She was waiting outside with a beer, and looked gorgeous!!! We hugged and went inside, where I hugged Christina and then went and sat on the couch next to Shar¡. I also said hello to Cord who is getting bigger, cuter, and talks even more now. We caught up on stuff kind of quick and she did notice my earring, which is the SOLE reason I bought it!!! Christina was sick and puked once. Shar¡ said that she was being a bitch and she wouldn't be hanging out with her later on if that kept up. Christina then laughed about how they'd be cute if they were both pregnant and ran around together. By that time I thought I knew that Shar¡ had gotten pregnant from me, and had probably gotten an abortion, although she swore she was against it, but I wouldn't put it past her. She then said that she would have had hers first anyway and I thought that was real cute {extremely sarcastic!!!}. We started talking about smoking pot while pregnant and so forth.
They were getting ready to head back to Shar¡'s pretty soon so Christina kept going to the bathroom to get ready. Shar¡ and I finally got to the point we so much needed to talk about. It took her a long time to spit it that she had gotten pregnant a month and two weeks ago. I used to think if we ever came to this that I would get to explain that it was mine and all would be better! She then told me that she had a (miscarriage??) (or an abortion!!!???) and that she was at the doctor's two weeks ago for a kidney infection and told him what happened and he said that she might still be pregnant.
I of course had to ask whose she thinks it is (was?) and she almost jokingly asked whose did I think. She then told me that she never fucked around on me when we were together. She told me at the beginning that the reason she stopped calling me was not because of me. I was afraid of something worse, but then she told me that I have my college to look forward to and she didn't want her to be the one who fucked up my life. I then told her how I figured this out a long time ago and had told Chris. I also said I called her that day and she wanted to know why I didn't say anything. That's just not something you come up and say if you're not sure, I thought. After that we were kind of quiet for a while and she asked me what I was thinking after I had looked at her and slowly shook my head. I said nothing important. She later told me to smile and I gave her a small one, she then tried to tickle me on the side but it didn't do much. It was funny how we would shut up every time Christina would come into the room. Christina asked her once if she had told me and Shar¡ said no and I quickly figured out that she had lied and there wasn't anything else to tell me.
We talked some more about nothings after that. I rested my chin on my fist once and just stared off into space for a minute and I know she noticed. She told me that my legs have gained weight since she's seen me and I objected that I've actually lost quite a bit of weight.
Anyway, I actually got up and said that I was going to take off before they were ready to leave. Shar¡ directed me to go say goodbye to Christina and I told her to call me before I go. She told me that I was really lucky I even caught her at home and gave me her beeper number. Cord gave me hugs goodbye. Shar¡ then said she'd walk me to my car. I said one joke before we left that made us all laugh and that was cool.
We hugged before I sat down in the car. I then told her that I don't think she's a bitch at all, and if she is I'm just way too forgiving. She had called herself one again for not telling me sooner, and she mentioned again about not wanting to screw up my life. I told her I would rather that she had. She then asked if I want to know if she is still pregnant and I said definitely. I had already asked on the walk out if she would call me this weekend and she said yes, and bragged that she had been the one who remembered my phone number.
She really looked like she was going to cry and I think I did, too. We then hugged long and hard and I kissed her shoulder as she stood up and she said that she'll definitely call as she quickly turned away. I wonder if she did cry... or needed to. I drove home with a new view to life. My mom said my horoscope said I would get back with an old fling, I thought Kim, she swore Shar¡.
Happy birthday to me.
No comments:
Post a Comment