Dear Loser,
How's life my wonderful dear sister? Mine sucks! But everybody else's sucks, too, so I guess everything is normal!
Well I just got home a little while ago from my fetal pig dissection in biology lab! My hands smell really good right now, like they've been stored in formaldehyde in a hospital basement for fifty years! It's really sick. I ate two hotdogs before class just to get in the mood and came home three hours later to eat one of those big cans of Dinty Moore Stew and a whole box of macaroni and cheese. I guess it didn't bother me any. Bring on Gross Anatomy and the human dissection!, fun fun! I actually did have a lot of fun and made a bunch of really funny jokes to the class. Last week I had half of them believing that we got to pick our pigs ALIVE out of a cardboard box, squealing and adorable! The girls were freaking out and said they wouldn't do it and our teacher had to lecture for ten minutes that they are indeed dead and this is all done for the benefit of learning. It was really funny.
Our female big was black and pink and bigger than all of the others and already had hair all over it. They are twice as big as the ones in high school it seems. College lab is a very open atmosphere and you get to keep dissecting as much as you want in any order you want which is much more fun than high school. I opened up and washed out the stomach and my cute little hispanic teacher kept explaining everything to the two of us that nobody else got to see because they are all stupid. Don, my partner, attacked the sexual organs and I went for the head towards the end of the class. I cut out the tongue and observed the throat, removed and dissected an eye, and exposed the brain for the class to see. It was quite fun, and I fear we had a little too much fun.... ha ha ha.
I then met this gorgeous tanned blonde who I've been flirting with for quite a while now. I started talking to her meaninglessly last week in lab and she came and sat next to me during our last psychology exam, for she's in there, too. She lives above me in our Tower so I decided to walk home with her today. She a microbiology pre-med sophomore who isn't going to finish her general education on time just like me!!!!! Plus her older sister lives in Tampa and knows some people that work at Busch Gardens. I was extremely impressed. And I fell for Shar¡ thinking a girl this perfect didn't exist or at least I'd never run into one.....
Tell mother I have tuberculosis antibodies. That means my body destroyed the giant needleful of toxic disease I paid the nurse to shoot into my arm last week. Now I can volunteer. I heard that volunteering from an early age (now) will cause the medical schools to overlook a less than perfect GPA. Luck for me.
Guess what I ate for dinner last night. When father and I went to Granny's on our way up here the first day, she showed me how to cook cornbread and actually let me cook it. Well, I fried me up a big batch last night in a skillet. I just dumped the oil from the Fry Daddy into the pan, and back when I was done. Chris, who usually doesn't like my food thought they were really good. I then made a big bowl of purple hull peas and had a barbecue chicken patty sandwich. Aren't you jealous? The peas were really good and are new from Bush's. I was going to mail you one, but it was too thick for the envelope. I'll send the pig's spleen instead, if I can find it in the bottom of my bookbag.
Ashley and I have become extremely good friends lately. It amazes me that I used to think that I would be this way with Laura when the year started, but instead I befriended her roommate who I never even knew before. I have started being the nicest person in the world to Laura again and called her the other night for an hour. We laughed at the end, realizing we talked so long on the phone even though we were only "twenty" feet away from each other. She invited me over, but I didn't go right then. I'm over there enough as it is. Ashley said I can borrow and copy all of their CDs which means I don't have to buy any more. Hurrah. She listens mainly to country... he he.
Ashley has a long distance relationship with a guy named Daniel at an Air Force base up in the panhandle and has gone through exactly everything I have with Shar¡ and everything has almost coincided perfectly. We always seem to have the same problems at the same time so we can both be there for each other and it can get really interesting. They almost broke up last night and she came to me instead of Laura or any off her other roommates to spill her guts. Once again I am playing the psychiatrist. I also figured out why the girls like me to cry on... I'm tall enough that I give the average girl a nice big chest to plant her head into when she wants to whine about something. Ashley and I hug all of the time and put our arms around each other just to be cute. I think I should start charging for my mental services...
I discovered a wonderful money saving technique that may come in handy in the future. I was supposed to buy yet another book for my honors class about the Romans and I decided that I really didn't want to. Instead, since it was more of a reference book than a textbook, I went to the big library and searched in the computers until I actually found a copy!!! It was printed in 1966 rather than 1993, but both of the authors are dead anyway so there wouldn't be any new revisions. So I checked it out for three weeks which is just as long as we'll probably need it in the class, and saved myself almost twenty dollars! Aren't I smart. Our professor in psychology has been lecturing on IQ scores and I showed him my profile and he recognized the test and told me all about it. He then said that I have an extremely high score and used my score yesterday as an example to the entire class. I felt special.
I was supposed to go on a date to the mall with Ashley last weekend but I didn't want to wait around all day Saturday for her to get home and call, so I just left and went and studied in the library. It was raining all weekend, but I walked way downtown to this Taste of Homecoming festival anyway. Ed was playing there with the orchestra and his parents were there to give me a ride home if I wanted to show up. They wanted to drive me there but I declined. There are lots of really cool little specialty shops all along the main roads downtown and I was really impressed. There were lots of things you'd never see if you sped by in a car. Central Park is also a much nicer place than I would have ever imagined being in Gainesville. I had a fun time. It turned out that Ashley called me not long after I left, but oh well.
I keep running into Jennifer all over the place. She's the girl from German last year and we keep trying to plan a get together. Laura and I also want to go to Busch Gardens together sometime maybe over Thanksgiving or Christmas. You would be disgusted at the stuff she and I tell each other about how we were in love with each other and so forth. She recalls the Busch Gardens party and how that was the night I ripped her heart out of her chest, threw it to the ground, and trampled all over it by being with Shar¡! I told her a nice little story that Chris always tells me to make a girl jealous to make her want you even more. I then told her that I picked Shar¡ just to make her jealous so that she would like me even more! It was really funny. I also met this other blonde today who I have been flirting with in my honors class. I switched seats in the class so I was closer to her and she came and sat right next to me today, finally. She's from Atlanta and knows quite a bit about the mountains north of there.
Shar¡ used to live in Atlanta, and in Marietta for a while. She said that Cord screamed out, "Barney!," when she first gave him my little birthday present. That was cute.
I got yet another A on my German culture exam which so many people in the class screw up on. I perform exceedingly well in there for some reason. He introduced us to Martin Luther (the WHITE one!!!)who is the founder of the Protestants and made us read one of his books. I was amazed at how much I believed everything he said about religion and how Catholics are full of crap. It was almost enlightening, but I wouldn't go that far because I would be lying. I also got back a major paper from my English class with this little note at the bottom of the paper that read, "Most of this paper is very good - clearly written with some excellent insights. there ar points where it could be improved and developed, but what you have done shows talent and intelligence." I was very impressed because this guy is usually a professor of graduate English classes and knows what he's talking about!
Well, it's Tuesday night now and I'll finish up about the weekend so I can finally mail you this giant and wonderful letter tomorrow morning!!! Aren't you happy?!? You should appreciate its length, too, because it'd be a good six or seven pages at least if it were hand written, and you wouldn't be able to read it anyway because it would be too messy, right?
Anyway, Edward and I played frisbee and enjoyed the pool for the last time this year the other day. Yep, the beach is closed for the year. No more showing our beautiful tanned bodies off to the girls. Laura and our neighbor, Leigh Anne, came by while we were out there. I have found these fun little computerized rowing machines in the gym where Ashley and I work out on Wednesday and Friday morning. They overlook the swimming pool through these big glass windows and I also get a really good view of all of the girls on the treadmills. We've both decided that we need to really get into shape so that we can start impressing members of the opposite sex again because these damn long distance relationships just don't work... he he.
Well, I've started an extremely dedicated and rigorous study program lately where I am almost always doing something class related. I'm learning every possible bit of every book and lecture that I can so I can try to get some real mental benefit, plus some good grades, out of these damn classes. It kind of sucks because it's already time to register for next semester's classes! and I don't even know how I'm doing in the ones I have right now! I've also boycotted the telephone and anything else that costs money. I just had my FIRST exams in a couple of my classes and still have no real grade in my English class yet. I did get back my really hard essay exam from my honors class which is one of only two exams for the semester. The second half of the test was one giant essay which I got a "very good" on and ended up with an A on the whole test!!! Go me!
We took an extremely hard biology lab practical exam with forty fill in the blank questions yesterday. Sixty percent of the people failed it last semester and Ashley and I studied all weekend and went to all three study sessions even though they were held on Saturday and Sunday. We also went to that Florida Museum of Natural History and learned far more of the Kingdoms, Phylum, and Classes than we ever would have at the study sessions! All of their animal displays seemed to coincide exactly with what we needed to learn plus we had fun doing so. They also recreated a cavern inside the museum, (I don't remember if you all ever went) that is like walking through a real underground cave. Ashley and I went in there twice and joked that we were going to tell everybody we've been hanging out in caves together to make them jealous!
I rejoined the social scene this weekend by making plans with the neighbors to go partying on Friday night. I spent a good two hours over there talking to them. Actually all of us (my roommates) and all of them were kind of going back and forth between both rooms the entire time. We had the stereo blasting, caught up on each other's desperate love lives, and gave each other back massages. We planned on going out at about eleven. Well, my lovelies downstairs, Ashley and Laura, called me at ten thirty and asked me to come party with them and of course I took the more promising offer and stood up my roommates and the neighbors. Anything to be with Laura whom I've been hitting on as much as possible lately. I spent Saturday night with them and their friends again. I met Laura's little "social boyfriend" and she kissed him in front of me so that I could see how she felt that night at the Busch Gardens party when I "ripped out her heart, through it to the ground, and trampled all over it!" by making out with Shar¡ in front of her. But she only pecked him, and hopefully he didn't peck her! Ha ha!
There was a fire drill going on when I came home from studying Sunday night and I found Laura and her roommates. Laura had a container of Ben and Jerry's ice cream full of nuts, dark, and white chocolate. We were together on a couch and she kept feeding it to me. The neighbors were talking to me there, too, but seemed to be eyeing me kind of funny (for being with Laura I guess).
Well there's plenty more to tell you and anyone else who might read this letter, but I'm running out of space. I guess I'll start on the next one... It's time to go watch Aladdin...
Love, Dan
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Well that pretty much sums things up lately, or so far as my family knows. Actually, I haven't talked to them or heard from them since they left here Sunday night two weeks ago. They could all be dead for all I know. But I did finally mail Chrissy another letter, and it was a long one.
I figured out what I should have said to Shar¡ in my answer to her. The entire letter should have read, "Yes boss." That should have taken care of things nicely and would have implied that this decision was entirely hers, which it pretty much was. Jon was kind of glad that I've decided to remain friends with her because he says that she needs me, because she's one fucked up chick. That's funny. I was thinking for a while earlier about when Shar¡ and I first met and how I had to overcome a lot of things that are wrong with her, and how once I did it was pretty easy to go from there. People are way to fucking shallow because I've heard quite a bit the question of why I ever went out with a girl like that and how I'm better off know. There so full of shit, it's pathetic.
Well, I've found my female twin!!! It's unbelievable how much the two of us are alike. I'm referring to that gorgeous beauty, Karen. Not only are we both pre-Med sophomores who aren't done with general education, but we have almost identical IQ and SAT scores. But that's all crap, we also have extremely similar attitudes and personalities from what I've seen so far. A lot of the jokes that I had made to Ashley about psychology class and about excessive studying, she has made to me in the past couple of days. She is pretty sarcastic and likes to blurt out her opinions of things exactly like I do. The professor was talking about caffeine today and who it helps and Karen joked to me that you should just take speed! I had said the same thing to Ashley and that's not something to many people pull out of their heads on their own as a joke. I thus knew exactly what to say to her.
Personality interests me immensely, and we learned all about the characteristics of introverts and extroverts today. I see myself as an introvert only to find out that they have a much higher level of constant brain stimulation which is why they don't need as much outside stimulus. That's cool. We were also talking about either being emotionally stable or instable, and I show heavy signs of both. I also have a lot of extrovert traits which may explain my ability to deal with such a large range of people as my friends. Karen was telling me that she fits the instable introvert category which is kind of funny. She said that she thinks far too much and it often takes her over an hour to fall asleep at nights. I asked her what she was doing in bed that keeps her up that long?!, but she said in a sense that it is alone.
Speaking of her boyfriend, she said that they haven't talked yet since their big argument before Monday! She told me that he always picks on her and tries to make her feel like shit and it just really pissed her off. I played it off asking how anybody could do such a thing and now I know what to be careful about with her. I put my bookbag in the chair next to me before class so that she could sit in it when she got there. I fantasized in my mind that she would come bouncing up with a smile on her face and wait for me to move it, just so she could sit with me. Well, I wouldn't be saying this unless my little fantasy came true. It was really cute. Our teacher was also talking about Mr. Rogers and she said that she has never seen that show. I joked that it used to come on after Sesame Street. She said that she didn't watch that either because they didn't show it in England!!! What more could I ask for!!! I have found the perfect woman!!!!!
As our teacher mentioned the SATs, she asked me what I had gotten on it. After I said 1270, I asked her, and she said 1280, gloating just like I would have if I was talking to somebody I beat by ten pints. That was kind of funny and I really liked it. I gloated Monday about my 145 IQ compared to her 138. Actually mine is officially 142, but I gave myself the benefit of the doubt where the error was concerned since I multiplied things on that exam when I should have been adding...
Well, we got to take some ink blot tests as a class today. He asked us to keep our findings secret until everybody had pictured something. In the first one I saw a fetal pig, just because that has been on my mind so much lately. I told her that and she thought it was really funny as we identified all the structures. It was cute. In the next one, I told her that I saw a woman spread eagle and she started laughing really hard in surprise! We kept coming up with all kinds of stuff for that picture. He turned it upside down and had us look again. My mind focused on the white parts surrounded by the black parts and picked out what looked exactly like Pippi Longstocking in a bikini. I actually saw the girl in a bikini first, and then had to explain what looked like huge pigtails. She didn't really take my answer seriously, but then something better happened than I ever could have asked for. I only wish I would have told Griggs what I had seen! He walked up to the front after he had collected a menagerie of responses, and moved the paper covering the rest of the transparency. He told us that once in one of his classes, a person saw "Pippi Longstocking in a bikini!" I was shocked and thought that was amazing and had to gloat to Karen... Damn I'm good!! Well, Shar¡ should have gotten my letter today...
No comments:
Post a Comment