Tuesday, October 19, 1993

October 19, 1993 - Tuesday - Stupid worthless bitch!

Now it's time to try and pull some meaning out of all the shit Shar¡ and I told each other last night. First of all, she was still fucking wasted off of her ass and I don't know why the hell I talked to her for as long as I did. I guess I was trying to use her delirious state of mind to try and work some stuff out of her that she wouldn't normally say... but it didn't really work.

She told me a bunch of the crap that they did at Livestock and said that it did rain all day Saturday and I laughed and told her that was really funny. I told her how I thought about driving down and buying a ticket at the gate. What stopped me was the rain and the fact that Zephyrhills was farther away than I thought. She told me that she got a hold of a pair of blue blockers and has been wearing them around the house. When her dad told her to take them off she said no and said that he just wanted to see if she was still stoned or not. Cunt. She said that she got a bandanna from Livestock and would have bought a T-shirt but they cost twenty bucks. She did however get a free hat by buying a bottle of Jim Beam that she claims she drank half of. She also said that did hydroponic joints that are strong enough to knock you on your ass in one hit. She said that even after they were on the floor, they just kept smoking. Cute.

She told me that she started writing half of a letter to me last night which I very seriously doubt because she said that she had only been home for a little while and was dead tired. She said that it was about her weekend though and she already told it all to me. She did say that there are some "theories" (which took her a hell of a long time to say right) in that part but she will write the more important half and then mail it today. Bullshit. I'm not going to wait around for this one. I'm getting really tired of trying to get her to open up to me and am going to let her stagnate for a little while. She'll say something that will imply that she wants to call it quits for now, perhaps for good, but then will say something about us doing something way down the road... like Mardi Gras. She's really fucked up and I'm getting very sick of it. I gave her so many chances by the stuff I overlook and if she's going to through it all away... then fuck her.

She at least took my ring off before going to Livestock so she wouldn't lose it or have it stolen. That at least was smart. I really wonder if she'll put it back on now. I found out that she didn't even do anything for Cord's birthday on Friday and I rubbed that in a little because it did piss me off. She said that Buffy told her they'd do something this Wednesday. Stupid bitch! I hated to be the one to have to do it but somebody needed to try and make her feel like shit for doing so.

Towards the beginning, at least she asked how my big blue eyes are doing. I said that they are dull and when she asked why I said it's because they miss her. I tried to get her to just go ahead and tell me what she's going to say in the second half of the letter so I don't have to wait forever for the thing to get here. She told me that she's not going to tell me and that I'm just going to have to wait. Take the hint bitch. Maybe I need to take a hint.

About the only thing I told her about my weekend is the fact that I went downtown to this little festival thing in the rain. She asked if I went with Ashley. I said no, that it is Ashley's roommate who is the cute one anyway.

I ran into Ashley yesterday as I was coming back from my classes and she was coming out of the elevator. She was meeting a guy from her chemistry lab and I waited an elevator trip for her. She talked to me the entire time like one does when you try to show another person that you have plenty of friends. She came up to me and put her head on my chest and was complaining about something and I put my arm around her. I was thinking about how easy it is for the normal girl to lean her head on my chest and how I bet she wouldn't lean on me so much if I was her height! We talked in the elevator the entire way up. It was cute.

I met her this morning on her floor. Jessica caught up and we got into the elevator with Chris. I introduced everybody and Chris later told me that he rates Ashley as a solid six. Not bad on our scale. Even though I had just finished my exams in three of my classes, I went and studied last night. I actually read and understood this weeks chapter in biology before the lecture!!! I have never done that before... ever!!! I even answered all of the self-test questions at the end. It was an amazing omniscient feeling in class knowing what the professor was actually talking about before he explained it in detail. We talked quite a bit and joked around as usual. I was thinking in class about our friendship and so forth and how important physical touch is to me. I was leaning back in my chair with my head against the wall and right about that time, Ashley leans back, puts her arm entirely around me with her hand grabbing my side, and laid her head on my shoulder asking me what's wrong. We do that out in public, too, and I wondered what someone like Shar¡ would think if she saw that.

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