I awoke early to go to biology with Ashley this morning and she was running a bit late. I hung out with her for a few minutes in her room and talked while she hurried and got ready. We talked quite a bit on the way to class and I told her that I have yet to receive a letter from Shar¡. I was starting to think that she didn't write me and lied, saying that she mailed it to me on Saturday to make me happy then. I couldn't see why she would do that though so it was only a fleeting thought. I wanted to think that she didn't put enough postage on it and it got sent back to her or something. It would really suck if that letter, a very important one to me, were to get lost. Chris and I jokingly blamed Ed last night of checking the mail and forgetting it in his bookbag, where he would find my letter months later smashed to oblivion. It was funny but knowing Ed it could be true.
Ashley and I ran into Laura on the walk to class and she said hi to me in her loving voice and put her arm around me while she talked to Ashley. I wished her a belated happy birthday and she thanked me, sounding like she really meant it and that cheered me up. I had been worried that it was a big mistake when I didn't get Laura anything for her birthday and had expressed that to Ashley. I'm glad that's out of my mind. Ashley and I talked and joked around a bit. She also keeps lying back, trying to sleep on my shoulder in class. It's kind of funny.
We've been learning about human reproduction for the past two lectures and we moved on to the hormonal actions in the female's system today. We learned how different hormones affect the thickness of the rich uterine lining. We then learned the order and the days during which changes in a woman's monthly cycle occur. The actual bleeding occurs from day twenty-eight in the thirty day cycle to day four. The egg is released just ten days later on day fourteen! I always thought it occurred later during the cycle, closer to the period. There are then fourteen days more of uterine wall growth before the period.
I talked to Shar¡ the week before she came up and she had been on an extended period which I would guess ended on about Thursday. I then counted the days until she was here, eight or nine. That put her at almost the exact time when her egg should be released. Any difference in her personal biology was covered by the fact that we had sex four days in a row!!! I swore at the time that it would be safe since she had just recently gotten off her period. I did have sex with the girl for four days unprotected and I did come in her all four times!!!!! I knew that I was taking a risk at the time but my feelings for her and the intensity of the weekend totally wiped that from my mind. After making this sudden realization, I explained my sudden fear to Ashley. She asked me if I was worried, and I admitted that I am, kind of. She told me not to worry because every girl has different timing.
I went straight home after class after a lengthy goodbye with Ashley to study a bit for my German culture and civilization exam. I mainly was waiting for the mail and it didn't show up before I had to head to class. I went to my newly pornographic comic book class where Mr. Ault has decided to show us a lot of underground material after our consent. It's great watching this little sorority girl's face in class. She seems to be the most disgusted. I turned in a paper and then went to take my exam. I rushed straight home and there was no letter amidst the mail. That sucked.
I took a nap and woke up later when Chris came home. He told me that he is going to the orientation for volunteers at Shands and that I should go. It's required and I remembered my desire to do so earlier and how I had told Shar¡ and my family that I might. I decided to take my life back into my own hands and I went eagerly with him. It was a pretty cool orientation and I'd really like to start soon. I need to have a tuberculosis test before I can start at the infirmary. Chris and I also want to get tested for AIDS and want to ask at the infirmary for a good place to get tested. They were talking about some of the people working with the babies and little kids. I was thinking that I'd really like to volunteer in the pediatric department. They did say that one guy got peed all over while changing a babies diaper once.
Chris and I walked in the hospital for a few minutes just to show me around before heading home. Ed and Roswitha were in the room cooking stuffed shells and were both acting really strange. They were all hyper and shit. It was kind of funny.
I picked up the phone although I told myself not to earlier and called Shar¡. I wanted to find out indirectly where my letter is. I at least wanted her to tell me what she had said by getting her to talk about it making her think I had gotten it. Buffy answered and asked in a happy voice who it is. When I answered Dan, she asked, `Dan who?' and I just played it off. She was calling me Dan-o while she had Shar¡ come in to get the phone. Buffy had been washing the kids in the bathroom or something. When she answered we both asked each other what is up. I told her that Chris and I just got home from the hospital. I paused for a quick second to let her think something was wrong before I said that we went to an orientation and I'm going to start volunteering for a while. She said that's really good and actually sounded excited for me. I told her that I might do pediatrics with the little kids. She thought that was really cute and I thought she would.
I told her about the guy that got peed on. She told me that Cord peed all over the place the other day when she was changing him, like he saved up all day just waiting for the moment. I then told her about the cousin on my father's side who peed on someone. Shar¡ told me that someday when I have kids, I'll get peed all over, too. I told her that I've learned from my examples and will be cautious enough to avoid it. Besides, I told her, I plan on having a girl. She wanted to know how I knew and I said that I'd just like to have one. She asked if I don't want a little boy, because usually most guys do. I almost said that I already have one... but then said that I want both. She also asked me when I plan on having these kids and I said that I don't know, it's not really something you plan. I was entirely basing the conversation on a wild chance that she might be pregnant and wanted to say all of the right things. She told me that she planned hers and I asked how old she was! She paused and then said fifteen and we talked about her and Cord for a little bit. I was thinking if she did happen to be pregnant, the double meanings of what I was saying were very strong. I asked her if she was glad that she did and she said yes that she loves her son more than anything and I know that's true.
We finally stopped talking about kids and she told me that she knows I haven't got my letter yet because she forgot to put the zip code on it and she got it back today. It's funny thinking about that now because Shar¡ usually doesn't put her return address on letters... She said that she'll remail it tomorrow and we were talking about addresses. I asked her if she knows my zip code because last time she couldn't find my address. She said yes and almost rattled off my entire address. I then easily spit out hers and she joked that I'm reading it off something. I told her that my room is dark, so I couldn't be and she laughed.
We talked at the beginning of the call about whether or not it meant anything that I call. I asked if it did and she said that she didn't know, that I should tell her. I said that it all depends on her. When she said that it does mean something to her, I agreed that it is indeed worth it to call. She later said that she likes me calling for shorter amounts of time more often and at least I am calling to talk to her, or something to that extent.
I asked her if anything else important is going on and she said yes that something important happened but she isn't going to tell me now. I thought two things at once: sarcastically I asked who she slept with that she's decided to keep around, very seriously I suddenly wondered if she is pregnant. I took on a very soft and serious tone, very calm for the next few minutes. No sarcasm here. I thought later that it could be as simple as a present she bought for Cord's birthday that she's excited about but now I don't think so. I asked her if it's good or bad. She said slowly that it could be good and it could be bad... and then said that it depends. I asked her if it affects her or me, and she said that it does affect the both of us. I then confirmed just as calmly that she's not going to tell me right now and she agreed. I then said that I'll let it be until later then and dropped it and think she was glad for that. That was an extremely weird little interlude and I would guess that she is pregnant in a second!!!
I quickly went and tried to talk to Chris but Ed was joking around with him and being stupid. I told him to leave us alone because I want to talk to my roommate and we went into the room. I explained what I figured out in biology and then told him what Shar¡ had just said. He freaked out just as much as I did and we were talking a lot about that. He said that he would have found out from her right away but I didn't want to even know right then what she was talking about. If I haven't read too much into the whole thing, then I do wonder to what extent she knows. It's scary and then it's beautiful to look at a picture of her and picture her with a big swollen baby. If it's true, then I would love a baby girl from her. If this is nothing, then I am probably too lucky because I took a damn stupid chance screwing a girl with no protection like I did.
By what if... Maybe she is talking about a guy she met and has fallen for... What if she's pregnant with my baby!!!
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