Happy birthday Laura, I'm sorry I didn't get you anything but I've been far too upset lately about Shar¡ to remember who my real friends are. A second happy birthday to Buffy, who I did relay greetings to through Shar¡ on the phone, but my depression did overtake the card I wanted to send you at the beginning of the week.
I tried calling Shar¡ twice last night, once at seven and once at nine. Both times her dad answered and said that she wasn't there. The second time I let him know it was me and left a message. I did get the answering machine one other time and Shar¡'s voice on it let me know that she isn't dead or run off again because her dad did sound really pissed off. I was really fucking depressed last night because I really wanted to know if she was still coming up for the weekend with Karen. I figured she wouldn't but I was supposed to call and find out on Thursday. She wanted me to call before then but I refrained. I just put everything out of my mind and went to sleep at seven and then right back to bed after I called at nine.
I woke up this morning and planned on coming right home from biology with Ashley to call Shar¡. I waited for Ashley's phone call hoping it would never come, and it didn't. I went right back to bed for a couple of hours before finally getting up at 10:30, more than fifteen hours of rest for the night!!! I then called Shar¡ and she answered and said that it's about time I called in a `very happy to hear from me' voice. I told her about trying last night and after thinking about it for a while she said that she and Buffy went on a walk. She told me about getting her glasses and how she really likes them and has gotten a lot of compliments about them. She said that she's been wearing them most of the time because she gets a headache if she takes them off. She really was blind when she used to put my glasses on.
She also had a cavity filled with a temporary filling. The dentist said that if it doesn't bother her too much he'll eventually cap it but since it was so close to the nerve, he might have to do a root canal. That would suck! She told me that she has had one hell of a stressful week and told me about it in my letter. She was writing it this morning and had already done three pages when Cord scribbled all over it and she had to recopy them. She asked me if I was mad that she hadn't written me right away and I said yes, but then said it didn't bother me that much which was a blatant lie. She said that she'll definitely finish up to at least five pages and mail it today. She told me that she had been sleeping when it arrived and her dad had thrown the letter to her. After she read it, she stuck it under the couch so the kids wouldn't get it. That's where she found it again this morning and after rereading it, she started righting me back.
I asked (and knew) if that meant she wouldn't be coming up this weekend and she said that she can't because she had forgotten that Buffy starts work on Sunday and she needs to stay home with the kids. I guess. I remained calm and cool but did mention once later that I was really looking forward to seeing her. She said that it wasn't her fault and if she could she'd be up here every weekend. I argued that she wouldn't, for she'd get bored before long and would just want me to come down. She agreed about being bored but said she would want to be up here constantly because we have time to do stuff that we don't down in Tampa. The only thing is sex and that indirectly reversed my growing doubts a little. I can't wait to see what's in this letter and hate to say that it might be the make or break it letter for my feelings towards her. I hate to even think about that.
She did tell me that I could call back later today if I wanted to after I told her I need to go to class soon but I said I wouldn't because I have the rest of the day planned out. She also said to call whenever I think about her and to leave messages on the machine, which I never do, so at least she knows I am thinking about her. I told her that I can't do that either if I plan on eating next semester and she laughed. I told her Chris' idea about her needing to walk down to the store with a handful of quarters to call me! She laughed and said that she had never thought about that and might just do so!
Back towards the beginning of our talk, after I had Shar¡ say happy birthday to Buffy, Shar¡ told me to guess what she was wearing. I knew instantly that she had my black bathing suit on and was probably wearing my Budweiser shirt as well. She then laughed and told me how I left them hanging on the clothesline so she washed them. She said that she was looking for something quick to put on and liked the looks of them. I asked her if she wanted a pair of my underwear, too, and she laughed and thought that was funny enough to tell Buffy. I found out that she wears either a 6 or a 7 underwear. Chris told me that she probably wasn't wearing any underwear, which is probably very true.
She told me once during the conversation that she misses me, and I said, `Right,' sarcastically. She said, `Whatever,' in a cutesy voice and we laughed. I think I told her I miss her, too, at least I fucking hope I did!!! She went on to expand her story about the beach last weekend telling me that there was another girl with them, her boyfriend, and all of his roommates. They are in a band and have a really nice house with hot tub and so forth. She also told me that she's having Cord's party on Friday and is then going to Livestock with her cousins. I think she's fucking stupid, but oh well. She told me again how Cord was asking about me the other day and how cute it was. I really don't know about this girl anymore and I'm really hoping her letter will be emotional enough to help me come to a definite decision. Her salutation will probably be the most important part of this letter. I did end my last one with, `I do love you...,' and I sure as fuck better get something similar back!!!!!
As I walked to fifth period, because I ended up missing fourth period as well, I ran into Ashley and we talked for a few minutes. She asked about my women and I said that Shar¡ isn't coming. She felt for me. She asked me where I was and I said that she didn't call me this morning. She told me that she never calls on Fridays because she has first period and I laughed, saying that I know but slept in. I felt really stupid for not remembering that but I had so much on my mind that I'll forgive myself this time. She urged me not to come home with her because I'd already skipped too many classes and I went on my way.
I had been growing my beard now for just over two weeks. The driving force behind it was the fact that Shar¡ asked me to let it grow and I wanted her to see it when she came up this weekend. Ashley did say that I need to trim the bottom at least and I agreed, telling her that since Shar¡ isn't coming, I'm getting rid of the whole thing. I made myself decent again when I got home from class and am ready to start flirting in my classes again.
I had biology lab last night and was really looking forward to working with Eva because I had heard that we got to dissect our lovely earthworm in pairs. I just hoped that my new friend Donald wouldn't ask to be my partner before Eva came to class because she is always late. She amazingly arrived early and walked rather quickly right behind me to a seat. That was cool. We then worked as a pair through all of the individual work on the slides, each doing an alternate one and then switching microscopes. Donald tried to work his way in eventually and tried to get one of the two of us as a partner, but I discretely didn't allow it.
I started being very witty and funny with Eva in that special way. It amazes me how I can make almost any girl laugh no matter what her background if I really want to, with the possible exception of Marcella but everybody thought she was antisocial anyway. We joked around and had quite a bit of physical contact. She was wearing a white thin tank top and a very small bra so I viewed more of her tits than I did of anything else in lab. It was pretty interesting. We also walked part of the way home together until she left for the library to study for a chemistry exam.
There is also this gorgeous blonde in the group behind me who I always flirt with and talk to indirectly as a part of the group of four girls behind me, but never personally. I noticed that she is in my psychology class and brought that up yesterday. We talked for a few minutes and the ice was broken. I'm going to try and hook up with her in psychology, for that would be a definite reason for me to attend class. Another reason is a sudden extreme respect for the professor. He lectures us on study habits like he really cares and I respect that a lot after the last exam. I sit up front now and plan on saving my ass in the class early in the term. I didn't go to class at all for this last exam and amazingly pulled off a 25 out of 30, but have learned better. The way I studied the text was interesting and kind of fun and I plan on doing it more, and I realized how easily I could have scored perfectly with the information in class. Now I need to save my ass in biology!
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