August 29, 1993 - Sunday
My little baby called me Dad Dan when Shar¡ first put him on the phone today! I asked her what he called me when she got back on the phone and she said, `Dan Dan,' at first but then admitted what I already knew was true. She then let me hear how he says Daddy Dan like she taught him. I thought it was really cute and told her so.
I walked with Ashley on Friday morning to Biology as usual and we had a lot of fun joking around this time. She still hasn't mentioned a word about any boyfriends or this guy she supposedly likes. We were slouching in our chairs and would lean on each other at times. It was a fun way to keep warmer in that freezing class. We talked about adapting a lot again. Maybe I should tell her that our `touching' was a way of `adapting!' I pulled out my letter to Shar¡ and put some stamps on it towards the end of class. She asked me who it was to and joked that she was being all nosy. I had addressed the envelope to Mrs. Sharice Ann Carson-Brown and was really glad I did because then I said that it was to this woman I know in Brandon. It turns out that Ashley lives `two minutes' from Bloomingdale Estates where Shar¡ lives and Laura lives right in there as well!!! I joked that now I can make some really awesome worth-while trips to Brandon.
I've been thinking about how I could tell or show Shar¡ about my journal because it is a pretty important part of myself and is how I release and store all of my thoughts, experiences, and emotions in hard copy. I'd really like for them to be decent enough for her to be able to read them because I plan on letting the woman I marry read them all. There are just so many things that I write down that would be so greatly exaggerated in the jealous mind of a woman that I know I would lose Shar¡ in a second if she were to read this. It's truly unfortunate.
Ashley was on her way to the fitness center after class and I walked most of the way with her to mail Shar¡'s card and to pick up a syllabus for my classics class. I always have one free period after biology and I stood there at the mailbox talking to Ashley for quite a long time. I was really close to her and was almost looking straight down onto her. Ed popped up out of nowhere and messed with my backpack to get my attention. I was really glad to have him see me talking to the girl because I brought it up in front of the roommates later that night. She eagerly suggested that I start coming and working out with her after class on Wednesdays and Fridays. There is nothing more that I need than a little encouragement and an actual schedule to follow on working out. It's an awesome way to keep myself stuck to the trend since I'll be there anyway. I really hope it works out.
I told Noel about my emotional situation and gave him a few excerpts from the letter. I showed him a picture as well and he was kind of taken back by the fact that she has Cord. It just all seemed so sudden to him I think that I have jumped into a relationship like this. He offered no real advice like I need any anyway. I know what I want and am going to try my damnedest to keep her and Cord. Read that honey!!!
That's one thing that Shar¡ and I also do when we're on the phone. She'll come up with pet names like sweetheart or honey. However, I'm not aloud to call her dear because as she puts it, `I'm not a four legged animal with antlers!' Of course I still use `dear' periodically when the occasion seems fit. I personally don't like using pet names because they have always seemed so impersonal to me and are too often used when you are perturbed with the other person. I told my mom on Friday that I want to transfer to USF and get an apartment with Shar¡. I also told her that if we got married, just think of the financial aid I could get! I kind of brushed that part off as a joke but overall she didn't seem as surprised or negative as I really expected. That was pretty weird. I told Shar¡ that this morning when we talked and she asked kind of surprisingly but kind of hopefully if I really wanted to do that. I don't know.
All signs point to Shar¡ making a trip up my way next weekend and we have talked somewhat about that. We said something today about her doing something when she goes back. She then said that was if she goes back! I reminded her that she's leaving Cord which pretty much forces her to go back. She quickly realized her error and agreed with me. I told her about the family housing on campus and she was really surprised that they have that. I know that she would never like living up here anyway because I know I don't and I have college to keep me busy. I just had a stark realization to how much this place really sucks!!! I want to be home where I can drive, make phone calls, love and be loved. Shit this sucks...
Anyway, I told my mom about Shar¡'s planned trip and then joked that since it is Labor Day weekend, everybody is going home. I told my mom that I told Shar¡ that all of the cars would be gone and we'd have no way to get around. Shar¡ said that it's OK! which instantly points to sex. My mom kind of quickly voiced her unacceptance and said that now they're coming up! I told her to relax and that Ed's parents are coming up. She said that she wanted to call them to make sure. It was really funny. I shared the story with my roommates later. Shar¡ was still under the impression that students and guests couldn't share beds and said that it really sucked. I quickly removed that falsity from her head.
Ed, Roswitha (his girlfriend), and I all walked to the fitness center and worked out for a while on Friday night. Shar¡ had called early because she was going out with Christina to Mulligans that night. She took Cord with her which was cool. She told me that she had to go to the emergency room in the morning because she has a bacterial infection on her tonsils. They have always bothered her but the doctors won't remove them. Buffy told me the whole story one time. Anyway, I worked on my arms, chest and abdominals. My arms are still painfully sore. I spent the rest of the night creating the beginning of my new collage around the room of our room. It consists entirely of pictures of models out of magazines like Vogue. I piece the pictures together very creatively to make a very appealing look. The guys always love all of the sexy women, and the girls always love the fact that I have remained tasteful and thus appreciative. It works great both ways!
I actually went on a walk across campus early on Saturday morning. I stopped by the bookstore as a result of deciding to take a walk, but not as a reason to. I could have easily biked. I was up and wide awake at nine which really surprised Chris when he called from Jacksonville to get a phone number. I then left on my walk. I told everybody that I really am going nuts because of Shar¡ if I actually went on a walk. It's something I never ever do except in Georgia unless I have a damn good reason. It actually felt pretty good and I did it again this morning. It's amazing what this girl is causing me to do for myself!!! I then went and laid out all day, both days at the pool and swam a lot. I'm really going to take advantage of that luxury this semester. I am much darker now than I was at the beginning of the weekend and Shar¡ told me that I had better not end up darker than her!
Ed, Jon, and I went grocery shopping at Albertson's Saturday evening. I also ran into Target and bought four cases of PEpsi! to get me through a large majority of the semester. I only needed a very few things at Albertson's and they were mainly for Shar¡. I bought her favorite condiments, two two liter bottles of Pepsi, cool ranch Doritos, and big sweet pickles. I told her later and she said it was sweet. We had a really cool conversation at the grocery store about things that `melt when you lick them!' The favorites ended up being cotton candy and a woman's feelings!!! Shar¡ mentioned giving caramel candy to Cord which reminded me of that and I asked her if they melt when you lick them and then told her about our conversation. She said that it must have gotten pretty gross and I said that licking that isn't gross but I don't think she got it.
I told Jon that and he said that we probably won't do that and I asked why not? He asked me if I had done it before and I said yes and told him all about Abby. I'd love to with Shar¡! Another really cool thing is that I'm not suffering from penis envy right now because she got into my pants Saturday night and already knows exactly what to expect. Taking things into one's own hands always leaves less to one's imagination! Ha ha. Jon and I started talking about fantasies. He and I have never had this conversation and he seemed somewhat interested. I admitted to my beach fantasy that literally flopped with Abby. I then told him that just taking a shower with someone will be cool because I never have before. Another is having sex in the pit out in front of Beaty in the middle of the night. Jon added a brilliant one - in the middle of a heavy warm rainstorm!!! That would be amazing!!! Chris and I have always wanted to have sex in an empty classroom in Turlington Hall [not with each other!]. That stems off of sexual fantasies with girls during high school and so on actually during class. It would be awesome, though.
Shar¡ kind of seemed bitchy and distant on Saturday night and we didn't talk for long. She asked to call me back later if neither one of us went out. She ended up going to a really cool Pink Floyd laser light show and didn't call. I thought to myself that she'd call this morning while I was in the shower and I'd have to pay for it again when I call her back. Of course she did! I waited until after I had cooked and eaten brunch before calling her back. We then had what I consider to be one of the best phone conversations we've ever had. We just kept talking the entire time and both seemed somewhat excited. She explained in person about her guy friends and told me that she does really care how I feel about it and wants to know! It was really cool. Sometimes I can't see how it was Shar¡ who wrote the letter because she rarely shows her emotional side enough to let anyone knows she really has one. She doesn't express it easily and neither do I. In that respect we seem so much alike. When she was telling me in person today part of what she had written in the letter, I almost melted again!
I brought up the fact that she seemed bitchy he night before. She said that it wasn't at me, it was at Christina who ended up stranding Shar¡ at her house because she didn't feel like driving her home! Shar¡ had to call a friend in Temple Terrace to take her all of the way home!!! She said that she felt bad for not calling me back but she did go out. I just told her that I had no way of knowing why she was acting like that if she didn't tell me. We're both learning to express ourselves much better to each other and I'm really excited to see how she responds to my love letter...
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