A rather ambiguous change in events just occurred a little while ago when I called Shar¡. I had tried to call her all day yesterday but she had gone to the beach. There was also a problem with MCI's telephone network so that only one out of every ten calls were going through to Brandon. All I would hear was static but they said that it was ringing down there. I had the MCI operator helping me at one point and also called a couple of other numbers in Brandon just to make sure they hadn't call blocked me. I did talk to Buffy for about five minutes yesterday and she said that Christina denied everything I said and so on. She told me to hang in there. I then talked to her dad later on and he was telling me not to ever take anything he does to Shar¡ personally because I'm the last person in the world that he wants to run off right now. That was pretty cool. He also made it so that Christina isn't supposed to call their house at all anymore. That's good!!!
I did my best to keep Shar¡ out of my head all weekend and get back into the swing of things. I wanted to pull out of my mini depression that took over any time I had too much time to think about things. I hung out at the Florida Invitational volleyball tournament on Friday and Saturday nights. The Lady Gators played some awesome matches and I had a great time. I even flirted quite a bit. There was this one girl on the George Washington University whose parents had died on the big train wreck last week on their way to see their daughter play here. The audience was shocked and had a pretty emotional moment of silence. I really felt for the girl. There was also a girl on their team with the most beautiful ass and she really knew how to flaunt it. Her face looked a lot like Shar¡'s and I thought of her as being Shar¡ if she had stayed in school and kept playing volleyball. It was pretty interesting.
Jon, Ed, Roswitha, and I all went to the mall Saturday morning and did a little grocery shopping. That was pretty fun. I also have been playing a lot of pool the past couple days in my spare time.
I called her tonight and Buffy went and got her only after finding out my name. It didn't sound like she would have for anybody else. We started talking a little bit about what we've been doing.She did say that she thought I had fallen off the face of the earth because I haven't called and she hadn't gotten any letters. I asked her if it hadn't come and she admitted that she just got it today. She said that she'll write me back and mail it tomorrow.
She was telling me that her Aunt Carol is coming down next weekend and is taking care of Cord for just so she can see him. I thought that was a pretty amazing coincidence since the motive behind my call was to ask her if she wanted to come up over the weekend with Jon and Karen. I thought all along that she wouldn't want to and was putting off asking her until the end. I told her that reminded me of something I'm supposed to ask her, but she'll probably laugh at me. She wanted to know what and I told her. She said that she'd really like to and said that she'll try to get her mom to pick up Cord by Friday night and so forth. I was completely taken back by her "excitement" but did say that I won't get my hopes up too high in case she doesn't get to come, although I will. That completely raised my spirits again.
She was telling me that Christine met a guy at Mulligans on Friday night and they ended up going to the beach out by the Yukatan. I wondered to myself who she went with but don't really care. She said that just like Brian, she `fell in love' again with the guy after one night and is all depressed again. We both wondered at the same time how someone can fall in love after only a few hours with a person. I then said yeah, it took me nineteen years. She asked what, knowing exactly what I was talking about. I told her she did but she said that she wants me to say it. I then said that I waited nineteen years to fall in love. She asked if that was so hard. I told her that I have said it before so it shouldn't have been hard to figure out what I meant. She said that she knows, but she just wanted to hear me say it! We both had really cutesy voices through the entire conversation and it was rather interesting.
I guess I said something right in the letter.
Monday, September 27, 1993
Saturday, September 25, 1993
September 25, 1993 - Saturday - Chill out on us?!, Tampa
Shar¡ and I are essentially over. There's not really any other way to put it. Nicole and I lasted two weeks, Shar¡ and I for two months, so who knows, maybe the next one will be two years. I really hope I'm being far too pessimistic about the whole thing but I really don't know.
When I showed up at Mulligan's at eleven last Friday night. Christina and Cord were the first two to come running outside to see me. Shar¡ had gone to the bathroom and didn't know that I was there yet. Cord ran to me and hugged me and I picked him up and carried him back in. Christina had me wait around the corner and she went and told Shar¡ that Cord ran from her and she couldn't find him. Shar¡ dashed around the corner to see me holding him which was a great relief for her. We hung out for a while and talked a little.
When Shar¡ would go to the bathroom or order something for Cord, Christina would start her shit again. She told me that before they left her apartment, Shar¡ had said that she kind of hoped that I didn't even show up tonight at all. I was like whatever and put it past me. We later all had the talk at the table about nobody's allowed to come over to her apartment afterwards and I said I wasn't planning on it anyway, I just hoped my parents hadn't locked me out. Christina later told me that the reason I couldn't come over is because Shar¡ had given this guy at the bar their number earlier and he was coming over later. She then started bitching about how Shar¡ always tries to steal every guy that Christina likes. She called Shar¡ boy crazy because she always is screwing some guy or another and named some names, one being Jimmy. She told me that she'd probably end up screwing the guy that comes over tonight and would love it if I just happened to show up. She and I planned on me coming over about four but to call first.
I was pretty upset but my feelings were really weird. Shar¡ knew that CHristina had said something to me because I wasn't hiding it too well which I was kind of doing on purpose. When we left at two, I walked them to their car and they took off while I still had a ways to go get into my car. Nonetheless I hauled ass out on that road and passed cars like they were tied, catching up with them at the light on 56th Street which isn't that far up the road. Shar¡ said that I must've been driving pretty fast and I agreed that it was normal. When the light changed I just left them in my dust and went home.
When I called at four, Christina picked up right away and said I could still come over. She said the guy never called but another guy form her complex that Shar¡ met earlier today was there. When I got there, Christina was outside smoking. She told me that Shar¡ was in there on his lap and to wait a few minutes to knock on the door until she is back inside. I did that and as I walked inside I talked directly at Christina, never looking around the corner at the couch. Shar¡ jumped up and came running to the hall when she heard my voice and I said hi. We then went and sat down. Shar¡ went to sit on the couch where the guy was, leaving the seat for me, but Christina said that she can't sit there, pushing Shar¡ over to the seat and me up onto the exercise bike seat. They had been watching a cheap little porno on the VCR. I didn't do much or say much but I did keep my distance from her so I wouldn't embarrass her in front of him. I am too fucking nice. I just care about her too much. I kind of knew what I was getting myself into when I started getting serious and know that I can't change her all of the sudden to fit into my ideas right away. I was just really pissed that she'd spend the night with another guy on my weekend in town.
Shar¡ and CHristina went out to smoke a cigarette on the porch once and Christina asked her `what's she going to do?' Christina then said that Shar¡ said that Dan won't be here much longer. I thought to myself that every time Christina says something like that, she knows that she can say anything she wants because I won't go and ask Shar¡ about it. That really sucks. She also has bragged about being a con artist and about always getting what she wants. She did make me promise not to tell Shar¡ what she has been telling me because she is only doing it because she cares about me and doesn't like to see me getting hurt. Anyway, Shar¡ and I started making out on the chair and Christina kept bitching about Shar¡ needing to go to sleep since it was already six and she needed to be out of her house by eight or at the latest ten. I was going to come back and take Shar¡ home when she called me in the morning.
When it started getting towards ten, I called Christina's apartment and only got the answering machine. I figured that Shar¡ ended up having Christina take her home because she was pissed at me for showing up in the middle of the night. I tried calling Shar¡'s house later on to see if they showed up there but they didn't. After calling Christina's a couple of other times, I got pissed off and said Shar¡'s favorite line, `Fuck it!,' and decided to go see my friends at Busch Gardens. I almost drove all the way up to the pool in Christina's complex to see if they had just gone there instead. I planned on calling Shar¡'s house from Busch Gardens later figuring I'd be closer to her house anyway since I was supposed to spend the night with her.
As I drove over, I saw that the car inspection station was open with a pretty short line so I stopped and my car actually passed!!! That was awesome so then something told me to go home and try calling again since good luck always comes in bunches. When I did, they answered and said that they had just woken up even though it was already noon. Everything was suddenly `back to normal' again. I had even thought about calling Jon earlier and getting a ride back to Gainesville. It probably would have been better. I showed up about fifteen minutes later at Christina's apartment and they were still in their pajamas and their blankets were made out on the floor. the clothes they were both wearing down to their underwear were in a pile near the sheets on the floor. I actually wondered who ended up coming back over and helped her undress...
Anyway, we watched the video that I recorded the Saturday when I first left for Gainesville. She had never seen it and we said a couple of mean things about Christina in it that we had forgotten about. It was kind of funny as she saw it. Anyway, Shar¡ had cooked these chicken patties for their lunch and tried to get me to eat but I didn't have more than a bite. I hadn't eaten since lunch the day before but wasn't really that hungry. Shar¡ and I finally left. She decided to just leave her pajamas on on the trip home. I really wanted to talk to her then but things just didn't work out in my favor. Buffy had told me earlier on the phone that they'd be gone all day, but when we got there, they were all sleeping on Buffy's bed. that really sucked!
Shar¡ did end up pulling out the camcorder and I got a lot of new tape and she recorded quite a bit of me and Cord. Shar¡ later cooked me dinner. She made meat loaf, peas, and masked potatoes and I was really surprised at how good it came out. I was truly impressed. Christina kept calling wanting to know what we were going to do Saturday night. I was all for completely ditching Christina and Mulligans. Shar¡ asked me if I really didn't want Christina to go because she wouldn't tell her if I didn't want her to go. I really didn't but made it seem like I didn't care. I did make it clear to her that I didn't want to go to Mulligans and Shar¡ said the same to Christina. We did end up going, of course. The bitch would not stop calling Shar¡'s house though. I'd love more than anything for that stupid overgrown cunt to get killed or permanently taken out of the picture!!! I'm completely tired of her shit.
Anyway, I was determined to have a good time with Shar¡ this time. I made sure not to sit next to Christina. We sat in these stools which was better than the sorry little tables. Shar¡ had been wanting to moose up my hair for the longest time and did tonight. She was really happy with how it looked when she was done. It was worth the feeling of having her rub her fingers through my hair for so long. I love that. I kept active and alert the entire night and outlived the both of them. That was a first.
At one point Shar¡ picked up a piece of paper and wrote:
I jumped at the opportunity to start a game of note writing just like the good old days in high school and wrote:
At this point, I was completely under the influence of what Christina had told me and I did fall prey to jealousy.
At that point this redhead who kept talking to us all night came up again and started babbling again. She said something that she thought was funny and both the ladies laughed just to be socially responsible. I thought it was really funny because Shar¡'s laugh changes drastically to a completely fake one when she has to laugh at something she doesn't want to...
The best part about the notes was that it was a conversation that completely excluded Christina. She kept wanting to know what we were writing because Shar¡ would react quite loudly to most of the stuff I wrote. It was funny. Christina eventually got pissed because we weren't talking to her.
And so it began... Although I was rather amazed at her inability to express herself in words or be creative. She did of course miss out on the bullshitting wonderfulness of note writing and I think she was taking it far too seriously.
It was sudden and I never figured out why we stopped. We talked and they sang and all of that for a while longer until we finally decided to call it a night. I joked about the long drive home because I just wanted to hear her say that she wanted me to stay with her. She did and I kept forgetting that I was the one upset with her, she had no reason to be mad at me... yet...
We went inside and pulled out the folding bed that already has her sheets and pillows waiting for her. We changed into our pajamas. I was wearing my heather gray shirt and she asked me if I was glad that she didn't take it or I wouldn't be wearing it then. I personally didn't care and was only wearing it because it happened to be the shirt I pulled out of my bag first. We climbed into bed and I didn't even get much of a good night kiss as she rolled over and turned her back away from me. That sucked but I zonked out instantly. She woke me up, I don't know how much later but it wasn't long, and pulled herself close to me, still with her back to me so that I could hold her. I then fell asleep again.
We woke up early with the kids and I kind of just lay there after she had already gotten up. She was using the camcorder and got some of me lying there on the bed in the middle of the living room. She finally got me up and started cooking us French toast for breakfast. I taped some of that as well. It tasted pretty good and was covered by lots of cinnamon sugar which mine lacked. I ate and then she dumped the last few huge bites of hers onto my plate. When I am done eating, I am done and wouldn't eat it. Cord came up and I put him on my lap and fed him bites of it. It was really cute and Shar¡ got it on tape.
We decided to go to the beach and it took us a while to get ready just because we were being lazy. We finally did go and it didn't take too incredibly long this time because I now know the shortest quickest way to get there and we didn't have to buy Shar¡ a bathing suit this time. We went to Clearwater Beach and was the last car that was let into the last open parking lot before they closed it.
I did find out that Shar¡ is really sensitive about me talking about other women.... Be careful.
For dinner she put on the new dress that she had bought, the same one she had worn Friday night to Mulligans. We drove up to Burger King and went inside to eat. I remember asking her how to get back on her good side to which she asked what made me think I wasn't. So actually I could tell then and she should have said what she was really thinking instead of leading me into an awkward and destructive situation. I ordered a whopper and chocolate shake and paId for the whole meal. She was walking around, asking me where I wanted to sit and I pointed her towards this round table in the corner. I just wanted to sit next to her. We got in at the same time and I then told her that she doesn't have to sit so far away and she looked at me and said the same thing back to me. I scooted closer but left enough distance for her own.
We ate, but she didn't finish even half of her chicken sandwich. I hadn't been kissed right all day long and I was determined then to do so. I tried while we were standing there and she did for a second
After I got her letter, I called her and we talked for two hours!!! After our `break up,' as I was so pessimistically calling it to everybody I saw, I was amazed at what happened next. It's almost like the other girls I know can sense my depression and started calling. Sarah was the first and we talked for about an hour! A little while later, Kimmeth!!!!! called out of the blue. She said that she realized that since I haven't called her in a while, that something must be up. Boy was she right. I told her how horrible my life is going and told her everything, except I forgot to mention Shar¡!
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When I showed up at Mulligan's at eleven last Friday night. Christina and Cord were the first two to come running outside to see me. Shar¡ had gone to the bathroom and didn't know that I was there yet. Cord ran to me and hugged me and I picked him up and carried him back in. Christina had me wait around the corner and she went and told Shar¡ that Cord ran from her and she couldn't find him. Shar¡ dashed around the corner to see me holding him which was a great relief for her. We hung out for a while and talked a little.
When Shar¡ would go to the bathroom or order something for Cord, Christina would start her shit again. She told me that before they left her apartment, Shar¡ had said that she kind of hoped that I didn't even show up tonight at all. I was like whatever and put it past me. We later all had the talk at the table about nobody's allowed to come over to her apartment afterwards and I said I wasn't planning on it anyway, I just hoped my parents hadn't locked me out. Christina later told me that the reason I couldn't come over is because Shar¡ had given this guy at the bar their number earlier and he was coming over later. She then started bitching about how Shar¡ always tries to steal every guy that Christina likes. She called Shar¡ boy crazy because she always is screwing some guy or another and named some names, one being Jimmy. She told me that she'd probably end up screwing the guy that comes over tonight and would love it if I just happened to show up. She and I planned on me coming over about four but to call first.
I was pretty upset but my feelings were really weird. Shar¡ knew that CHristina had said something to me because I wasn't hiding it too well which I was kind of doing on purpose. When we left at two, I walked them to their car and they took off while I still had a ways to go get into my car. Nonetheless I hauled ass out on that road and passed cars like they were tied, catching up with them at the light on 56th Street which isn't that far up the road. Shar¡ said that I must've been driving pretty fast and I agreed that it was normal. When the light changed I just left them in my dust and went home.
When I called at four, Christina picked up right away and said I could still come over. She said the guy never called but another guy form her complex that Shar¡ met earlier today was there. When I got there, Christina was outside smoking. She told me that Shar¡ was in there on his lap and to wait a few minutes to knock on the door until she is back inside. I did that and as I walked inside I talked directly at Christina, never looking around the corner at the couch. Shar¡ jumped up and came running to the hall when she heard my voice and I said hi. We then went and sat down. Shar¡ went to sit on the couch where the guy was, leaving the seat for me, but Christina said that she can't sit there, pushing Shar¡ over to the seat and me up onto the exercise bike seat. They had been watching a cheap little porno on the VCR. I didn't do much or say much but I did keep my distance from her so I wouldn't embarrass her in front of him. I am too fucking nice. I just care about her too much. I kind of knew what I was getting myself into when I started getting serious and know that I can't change her all of the sudden to fit into my ideas right away. I was just really pissed that she'd spend the night with another guy on my weekend in town.
Shar¡ and CHristina went out to smoke a cigarette on the porch once and Christina asked her `what's she going to do?' Christina then said that Shar¡ said that Dan won't be here much longer. I thought to myself that every time Christina says something like that, she knows that she can say anything she wants because I won't go and ask Shar¡ about it. That really sucks. She also has bragged about being a con artist and about always getting what she wants. She did make me promise not to tell Shar¡ what she has been telling me because she is only doing it because she cares about me and doesn't like to see me getting hurt. Anyway, Shar¡ and I started making out on the chair and Christina kept bitching about Shar¡ needing to go to sleep since it was already six and she needed to be out of her house by eight or at the latest ten. I was going to come back and take Shar¡ home when she called me in the morning.
When it started getting towards ten, I called Christina's apartment and only got the answering machine. I figured that Shar¡ ended up having Christina take her home because she was pissed at me for showing up in the middle of the night. I tried calling Shar¡'s house later on to see if they showed up there but they didn't. After calling Christina's a couple of other times, I got pissed off and said Shar¡'s favorite line, `Fuck it!,' and decided to go see my friends at Busch Gardens. I almost drove all the way up to the pool in Christina's complex to see if they had just gone there instead. I planned on calling Shar¡'s house from Busch Gardens later figuring I'd be closer to her house anyway since I was supposed to spend the night with her.
As I drove over, I saw that the car inspection station was open with a pretty short line so I stopped and my car actually passed!!! That was awesome so then something told me to go home and try calling again since good luck always comes in bunches. When I did, they answered and said that they had just woken up even though it was already noon. Everything was suddenly `back to normal' again. I had even thought about calling Jon earlier and getting a ride back to Gainesville. It probably would have been better. I showed up about fifteen minutes later at Christina's apartment and they were still in their pajamas and their blankets were made out on the floor. the clothes they were both wearing down to their underwear were in a pile near the sheets on the floor. I actually wondered who ended up coming back over and helped her undress...
Anyway, we watched the video that I recorded the Saturday when I first left for Gainesville. She had never seen it and we said a couple of mean things about Christina in it that we had forgotten about. It was kind of funny as she saw it. Anyway, Shar¡ had cooked these chicken patties for their lunch and tried to get me to eat but I didn't have more than a bite. I hadn't eaten since lunch the day before but wasn't really that hungry. Shar¡ and I finally left. She decided to just leave her pajamas on on the trip home. I really wanted to talk to her then but things just didn't work out in my favor. Buffy had told me earlier on the phone that they'd be gone all day, but when we got there, they were all sleeping on Buffy's bed. that really sucked!
Shar¡ did end up pulling out the camcorder and I got a lot of new tape and she recorded quite a bit of me and Cord. Shar¡ later cooked me dinner. She made meat loaf, peas, and masked potatoes and I was really surprised at how good it came out. I was truly impressed. Christina kept calling wanting to know what we were going to do Saturday night. I was all for completely ditching Christina and Mulligans. Shar¡ asked me if I really didn't want Christina to go because she wouldn't tell her if I didn't want her to go. I really didn't but made it seem like I didn't care. I did make it clear to her that I didn't want to go to Mulligans and Shar¡ said the same to Christina. We did end up going, of course. The bitch would not stop calling Shar¡'s house though. I'd love more than anything for that stupid overgrown cunt to get killed or permanently taken out of the picture!!! I'm completely tired of her shit.
Anyway, I was determined to have a good time with Shar¡ this time. I made sure not to sit next to Christina. We sat in these stools which was better than the sorry little tables. Shar¡ had been wanting to moose up my hair for the longest time and did tonight. She was really happy with how it looked when she was done. It was worth the feeling of having her rub her fingers through my hair for so long. I love that. I kept active and alert the entire night and outlived the both of them. That was a first.
At one point Shar¡ picked up a piece of paper and wrote:
Dan,
I know you haven't did much but I hope you have or had a nice weekend being here with me.
oud - you, Cord says
Love Ya, Shar¡ (heart)
I jumped at the opportunity to start a game of note writing just like the good old days in high school and wrote:
Shar¡,
Yeah, I guess.......
Love Dan
(love)(peace)(happiness)
Dan, What do you mean ya I guess. Isn't it more like ya I know???
D- I hope so.
S- I KNOW SO!!!!!
D- What makes you so sure!!??!!
At this point, I was completely under the influence of what Christina had told me and I did fall prey to jealousy.
S- Because of the person I am..
D- Actually because of the body you are!!! J/K
Seriously, what "person" are you?!
S- Smart ass!!!
D- I want a serious answer dumb ass!!!! (smile)
S- I said what I said because of the special person I am to you or at least that's what you say. J/K
D- What do you mean that you are just kidding about being a special person to me!!!!
S- I said that's what you say and then J/K because I know you think I am special
D- Fine.... But what about me?
At that point this redhead who kept talking to us all night came up again and started babbling again. She said something that she thought was funny and both the ladies laughed just to be socially responsible. I thought it was really funny because Shar¡'s laugh changes drastically to a completely fake one when she has to laugh at something she doesn't want to...
D- You have the goofiest laugh when you are forced to laugh at something you don't think is funny.
S- I didn't think people could change their laughs. Or maybe that's another thing special about me!!
The best part about the notes was that it was a conversation that completely excluded Christina. She kept wanting to know what we were writing because Shar¡ would react quite loudly to most of the stuff I wrote. It was funny. Christina eventually got pissed because we weren't talking to her.
D- I guess.... Anyway, Christina said that we have to start writing sexual notes.
S- Just because Christina said to do that doesn't mean we have to!!!
D- It might prove to be an interesting twist!
And so it began... Although I was rather amazed at her inability to express herself in words or be creative. She did of course miss out on the bullshitting wonderfulness of note writing and I think she was taking it far too seriously.
S- You go first!!!
D- I always do go first, but fortunately I can still hold up after the fact!
S- I can definitely give you a plus on that one!!
D- You didn't give me much to go on - Try again!!! And don't waste so much space!!! J/K
S- Okay - I can say you can keep it long enough to satisfy me. Is that better???
D- Actually, you've never run me all the way to empty so who knows.....
S- Ya but I did run you to a certain point and you kept up so that's a double plus. I'll have to find out about you lasting the whole run......................
D- I feel so special to be worth a whole "double plus"!!! So, when and where?
S- The next time I go to Gainesville to see ya, cause all the time we need we won't get down here.
D- maybe taking new approaches can make the shorter times we find just as good as the long ones.
S- I would like to show you a few new approaches if you don't already know them.
D- Same question, when and where dear!?!
S- Same answer at your place DEAR
D- That seems so long and far away (frown)
S- Well that's the only time we really have all the time in the world.
D- unfortunately.....
S- I would really like to do the (Hot!!!) shower thing again.
D- Of course - it might FRY my chances of ever having kids but it's more than worth it!
S- Sorry but this has to end. (smile turned into a frown)
It was sudden and I never figured out why we stopped. We talked and they sang and all of that for a while longer until we finally decided to call it a night. I joked about the long drive home because I just wanted to hear her say that she wanted me to stay with her. She did and I kept forgetting that I was the one upset with her, she had no reason to be mad at me... yet...
We went inside and pulled out the folding bed that already has her sheets and pillows waiting for her. We changed into our pajamas. I was wearing my heather gray shirt and she asked me if I was glad that she didn't take it or I wouldn't be wearing it then. I personally didn't care and was only wearing it because it happened to be the shirt I pulled out of my bag first. We climbed into bed and I didn't even get much of a good night kiss as she rolled over and turned her back away from me. That sucked but I zonked out instantly. She woke me up, I don't know how much later but it wasn't long, and pulled herself close to me, still with her back to me so that I could hold her. I then fell asleep again.
We woke up early with the kids and I kind of just lay there after she had already gotten up. She was using the camcorder and got some of me lying there on the bed in the middle of the living room. She finally got me up and started cooking us French toast for breakfast. I taped some of that as well. It tasted pretty good and was covered by lots of cinnamon sugar which mine lacked. I ate and then she dumped the last few huge bites of hers onto my plate. When I am done eating, I am done and wouldn't eat it. Cord came up and I put him on my lap and fed him bites of it. It was really cute and Shar¡ got it on tape.
We decided to go to the beach and it took us a while to get ready just because we were being lazy. We finally did go and it didn't take too incredibly long this time because I now know the shortest quickest way to get there and we didn't have to buy Shar¡ a bathing suit this time. We went to Clearwater Beach and was the last car that was let into the last open parking lot before they closed it.
I did find out that Shar¡ is really sensitive about me talking about other women.... Be careful.
For dinner she put on the new dress that she had bought, the same one she had worn Friday night to Mulligans. We drove up to Burger King and went inside to eat. I remember asking her how to get back on her good side to which she asked what made me think I wasn't. So actually I could tell then and she should have said what she was really thinking instead of leading me into an awkward and destructive situation. I ordered a whopper and chocolate shake and paId for the whole meal. She was walking around, asking me where I wanted to sit and I pointed her towards this round table in the corner. I just wanted to sit next to her. We got in at the same time and I then told her that she doesn't have to sit so far away and she looked at me and said the same thing back to me. I scooted closer but left enough distance for her own.
We ate, but she didn't finish even half of her chicken sandwich. I hadn't been kissed right all day long and I was determined then to do so. I tried while we were standing there and she did for a second
After I got her letter, I called her and we talked for two hours!!! After our `break up,' as I was so pessimistically calling it to everybody I saw, I was amazed at what happened next. It's almost like the other girls I know can sense my depression and started calling. Sarah was the first and we talked for about an hour! A little while later, Kimmeth!!!!! called out of the blue. She said that she realized that since I haven't called her in a while, that something must be up. Boy was she right. I told her how horrible my life is going and told her everything, except I forgot to mention Shar¡!
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Shar¡,
September 23, 1993
It's been about eight hours since I've talked to you and I'm still just as lost as I was earlier. I called my counselor after talking to you because it's just so much easier for me to figure out what's going on when I can spit everything out and just hear myself saying it. My counselor is a girl named Ashley who is from Valrico. She is practically married to this guy in the Air Force and she has told me all of her feelings about him just as I have told her about you. We have agreed to listen to the other person whenever the other needs to just babble everything out. We're not really friends which is good because that way the other person can't ever hold what the other person says against him and sometimes it's easier to talk to someone who you don't know at all.
After I read your letter I was so glad that you said what you said about me being an asshole over the weekend. I knew that once and for all that would force me to say everything that should have been said all along. I was really scared to call you because I was afraid I just wouldn't be able to get it all out as usual and I know that really needs to stop on my part. I really hated acting that way to you over the weekend. I had never been so doubtful about you before this weekend after everything Christina kept saying to me. I just wanted so much to talk to you Saturday morning on the drive to your house but it never seemed like the right time to say anything. The longer I kept it bottled up, the more it kept affecting me even though I kept trying to put it past me and not let it bother me.
When you ended up not calling me Saturday morning from Christina's house that only built my worries even more. After Christina made such a big deal about you being out of her house by ten, and then you didn't call, I didn't know what to think. I thought that maybe Christina had admitted that she was the one that wanted me to come over Friday night, and that you were pissed off at me for doing so, and ended up just having Christina take you home. I couldn't stay home any longer and that was when I almost just said fuck it and went to see my friends at Busch Gardens for the day. I almost called Jon's house to see if they had gone back to Gainesville yet to ask them to take me with them. Something told me to go back home, though, which is when I got a hold of you and "all was well."
I just can't stop thinking about how stupid I was for letting Christina ruin my weekend and effect me the way she did. I at least learned something important out of the whole thing - never to keep anything bottled up and never again try to hide anything from you, no matter what it is. I wasn't thinking about your interests or feelings at all when I was acting the way I was and still wish you would have slapped the shit out of me for treating you like that. I know I hadn't acted like that before, and won't again. I was just really confused. I'm sorry... It would have been really good if we had talked about all of this face to face like at the park. That's all I really wanted all day Monday was to talk to you but you had already shut me out by then and that hurt.
I know we already talked about a lot of this on the phone today but I just need to say it again in case I screwed up earlier... This is where I cut off for the night just to think more about it all.
What is it that we have found between the two of us and how did it suddenly get as deep as it did? How come the best path to take for everybody is always the hardest one... and why does it seem that everybody is always working against you? How come every time something starts going really good, it suddenly comes crashing into the ground!?! I'd really hate more than anything for that to happen to us. From what we say, both of us has found something pretty special in the other and from what everybody else tells me, that's pretty damn rare and you're lucky if you ever see that in anybody at all. It does sound kind of crazy that we did just meet two months ago but who gives a fuck. Life is far too short in the first place and then we bitch when something quick yet good does come along. I just realized that it can really scare you... but I'm not going to argue with it if it wants to work out that way.
I'm still going to avoid our favorite question about where we "stand." That's kind of stupid anyway and was really just a way to try and get you to tell me what you were thinking. I don't really know what we're going to do or where we are going to go from here. I'm not sure if you know what you want right now, and I know that I don't have a clue. All I do know is that I want it to be with you and Cord.
Thursday, September 16, 1993
September 16, 1993 - Thursday - Shari once more, Be nice
Plans for Tampa have essentially become concrete which is really good. Of course Cecil wants to leave much later than the norm which is pretty annoying. We won't even get to Tampa until after nine which really sucks. I wanted to get there early enough to meet up with them at Christina's house before they left but she said that they're going a lot earlier to make sure they get seats. That really sucks. I told her so. Then my ultimate fear came true. She's going to spend the fucking night at Christina's which means I have to go back home. Fuck! I was hoping for two nights at her house at least!!! I told her that I was disappointed and she was asking me what was on my mind and she knew damn well what was. Actually, I really don't care if we even have sex this weekend... I just want to be with her and physically hold her.
After making sure that Cecil had gotten his tires aligned and that her car is in working order, we then kept recalling Dave to get directions to his place in Tampa. They were pretty easy and I then let them all know about my plans to ditch them. I had the really good excuse that they'll have a lot more fun at the clubs they can get into over the ones if they were dragging an eighteen year old around. It made sense and I told Dave I have plans with my woman. I then called home and secured a ride back on Monday night which is pretty cool. I told them to have gas in my car when I arrive tomorrow night and to not expect me to stay very long at that point.
I then made a phone call to Shar¡'s house knowing pretty well that she would be at Christina's. I really don't know why she's spending so much fucking time there and I don't like it. I talked to her dad for a few minutes and he asked me when I'd be coming down and then mentioned next weekend. I told him that I'd actually be down tomorrow night. That kind of surprised him and he said that he'll miss me for most of the weekend because he'll be at a motorcycle convention in St. Augustine. No shit. That's when I'll be spending the night with your daughter. I helped him figure out that she is at Christina's and he remembered now that she had gone yesterday to see some videos last night and go to the beach today.
I called Christina and just said hi and she did recognize my voice. I was in no hurry to talk to Shar¡ and Christina was quite excited about talking to me. I did ask about Shar¡ soon enough and Christina said that she isn't there. I asked that she wasn't, and then Christina said that she had gone out with some guy. I made a big deal like I was really offended and I just now realized how good it is that Christina fully recognizes our relationship. Shar¡;s voice came into the background and she quickly took over the phone and seemed just as excited to hear from me. I told her that our trip down had been cancelled because nobody wanted to drive. She gave me a pretty loud negative reaction and then I said that I told her before that it might not happen. She agreed that this was true. I then said that I'll see her tomorrow at nine. It took her a second before she realized the truth and it was kind of funny.
We figured out what was going to happen tomorrow night. Since I was going to be late, she wanted me to meet them there. That's when I asked her if she's staying at Christina's Friday night and when she said yes I was devastated. Christina's parents are going to be back either Friday night on Saturday morning. I just shut up and left it at that. Hopefully I'll get a lot of pull from Christina to come to her apartment and possibly spend the night. I'll leave everything up to Shar¡. She'll also have Cord with her. She then said that she'll be going back to her house Saturday morning for me and I volunteered to drive her back. I really don't know how things are going to work. I was really tired and had just gotten out of biology lab and after I learned that my perfect weekend was being spoiled, I started being kind of dicky. I felt like shit after the fact but it was too late then. I suddenly realized how I would feel if she did that to me and I vowed to make this a very good weekend for her. I plan on reassuring her up the ass!!! I'd hate for anything to happen to us.
She also sounded excited as she told me that she got the card I created for her. It had a car stopped at a green light blocking all of the traffic behind it. When I first saw it I was instantly reminded of when we used to kiss at red lights. She brought up the fact that she realized what the picture meant right away and though that was pretty neat. She said that she knew long before reading in my letter my explanation in case she didn't get it. She told me that she showed it to Buffy and I made it sound like she shouldn't have. I then said that other people will start thinking that what I'm saying is true. That was dead mean and I'm sorry. I will apologize if she isn't the most happy person in the world tomorrow night. The card said, `Shar¡, The more I think of us together...,' and then on the inside, `The more I realize nothing else matters...' My message then said, `September 14th, Happy two months of us having known one another!!!' I then signed it, `I love you... `Daddy Dan'.' It was pretty cool and I really can't wait to see her tomorrow night.
I did wash my white clothes last night when Chris and I came home from studying at 1:30 in the morning! I was out of underwear and really needed to. It ended up taking until three and as I was just finishing up folding my clothes into my basket, I looked up to see Ashley standing outside of the door. She was just coming back form her sorority and said that she wondered who the fuck was washing there clothes so late at night. It was pretty funny that the person was me and we stood around and talked for about ten minutes.
After making sure that Cecil had gotten his tires aligned and that her car is in working order, we then kept recalling Dave to get directions to his place in Tampa. They were pretty easy and I then let them all know about my plans to ditch them. I had the really good excuse that they'll have a lot more fun at the clubs they can get into over the ones if they were dragging an eighteen year old around. It made sense and I told Dave I have plans with my woman. I then called home and secured a ride back on Monday night which is pretty cool. I told them to have gas in my car when I arrive tomorrow night and to not expect me to stay very long at that point.
I then made a phone call to Shar¡'s house knowing pretty well that she would be at Christina's. I really don't know why she's spending so much fucking time there and I don't like it. I talked to her dad for a few minutes and he asked me when I'd be coming down and then mentioned next weekend. I told him that I'd actually be down tomorrow night. That kind of surprised him and he said that he'll miss me for most of the weekend because he'll be at a motorcycle convention in St. Augustine. No shit. That's when I'll be spending the night with your daughter. I helped him figure out that she is at Christina's and he remembered now that she had gone yesterday to see some videos last night and go to the beach today.
I called Christina and just said hi and she did recognize my voice. I was in no hurry to talk to Shar¡ and Christina was quite excited about talking to me. I did ask about Shar¡ soon enough and Christina said that she isn't there. I asked that she wasn't, and then Christina said that she had gone out with some guy. I made a big deal like I was really offended and I just now realized how good it is that Christina fully recognizes our relationship. Shar¡;s voice came into the background and she quickly took over the phone and seemed just as excited to hear from me. I told her that our trip down had been cancelled because nobody wanted to drive. She gave me a pretty loud negative reaction and then I said that I told her before that it might not happen. She agreed that this was true. I then said that I'll see her tomorrow at nine. It took her a second before she realized the truth and it was kind of funny.
We figured out what was going to happen tomorrow night. Since I was going to be late, she wanted me to meet them there. That's when I asked her if she's staying at Christina's Friday night and when she said yes I was devastated. Christina's parents are going to be back either Friday night on Saturday morning. I just shut up and left it at that. Hopefully I'll get a lot of pull from Christina to come to her apartment and possibly spend the night. I'll leave everything up to Shar¡. She'll also have Cord with her. She then said that she'll be going back to her house Saturday morning for me and I volunteered to drive her back. I really don't know how things are going to work. I was really tired and had just gotten out of biology lab and after I learned that my perfect weekend was being spoiled, I started being kind of dicky. I felt like shit after the fact but it was too late then. I suddenly realized how I would feel if she did that to me and I vowed to make this a very good weekend for her. I plan on reassuring her up the ass!!! I'd hate for anything to happen to us.
She also sounded excited as she told me that she got the card I created for her. It had a car stopped at a green light blocking all of the traffic behind it. When I first saw it I was instantly reminded of when we used to kiss at red lights. She brought up the fact that she realized what the picture meant right away and though that was pretty neat. She said that she knew long before reading in my letter my explanation in case she didn't get it. She told me that she showed it to Buffy and I made it sound like she shouldn't have. I then said that other people will start thinking that what I'm saying is true. That was dead mean and I'm sorry. I will apologize if she isn't the most happy person in the world tomorrow night. The card said, `Shar¡, The more I think of us together...,' and then on the inside, `The more I realize nothing else matters...' My message then said, `September 14th, Happy two months of us having known one another!!!' I then signed it, `I love you... `Daddy Dan'.' It was pretty cool and I really can't wait to see her tomorrow night.
I did wash my white clothes last night when Chris and I came home from studying at 1:30 in the morning! I was out of underwear and really needed to. It ended up taking until three and as I was just finishing up folding my clothes into my basket, I looked up to see Ashley standing outside of the door. She was just coming back form her sorority and said that she wondered who the fuck was washing there clothes so late at night. It was pretty funny that the person was me and we stood around and talked for about ten minutes.
Wednesday, September 15, 1993
September 15, 1993 - Wednesday - Anything for love!!!
Today has been a rather delinquently awesome day. I just really had the compulsive urges to make myself happy today. I snapped back into my flirtatious mode yesterday and was so glad when it struck me. It's like a powerful aura of confidence. I walk better, taller, and get this awesome glint in my eyes when I flirt with girls. I always get smiles back and I love it. I was just have been so worried about Shar¡ lately that my mind was ripped away from all of life's sensual pleasures around me. I haven't stopped thinking about Shar¡ at all, I just remembered that being down just isn't healthy.
I went with Ashley to biology this morning and was being my normal bubbly witty self again. She let me read her letter that she had written to Daniel. There were so many parallels to Shar¡ letter about how much she loves him even down to the examples that they both used. It was uncanny. The funniest part was that Ashley hadn't read Shar¡'s letter until after she had written hers. She wanted my reaction if I had received that letter. I told her that it would make me really happy but I can't say because I just don't know how Daniel feels. Ashley and I are both taking the same roles in each of our relationships as the person who wants it most. I just realized that in my case, Shar¡ is probably just as much in it as I am. We each made each other laugh today and feel deeply about our relationships. We walked together to work out afterwards and talked a lot about our relationships in there as well. I told her how Laura and Jana had been surprised that she didn't talk about Daniel to me all of the time and look at her now. She said that she knows and was trying to keep shut up about him this year and I am the only one she has been like this to. She asked me not to tell them that she is talking about him this much again. I said that it isn't good to keep it all shut up and as long as she'll listen to me talk about Shar¡, I'll be more than happy to listen to her. We then agreed that we'll always be there for each other when we need to get through something or just won't talk. It was pretty awesome!
We were joking around about how we keep holding hands. She said that if she gets pregnant she'll claim that it's Dan's. He's Puerto Rican and I laughed as I asked her how she is going to explain the blue eyes and she said that she didn't say which Dan so she wouldn't be lying!!! I left her at eleven when she had a consultation to go to about a fitness test she had last week. I went to Burger King and got a really good American chicken sandwich and an awesome CD. Shar¡ and were slow screwing when this song by Meat Loaf came on called `I'd Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That).' We talked through the entire song and really couldn't figure out what the hell he wouldn't do and I kept laughing. it was an awesome song except for that mystery. Meanwhile she was still riding me the entire time. I later found out that he is saying he'll never let them fall apart by him sleeping around. I really love the song and have personally dubbed it our song. It has a really sentimental value to me because I remember how everything felt as the song played that night!
I waited for days to record it and finally did after requesting it on the radio. The recording was rather bad and disappointing. I came across the new CD today in a record store and had to have it. I have even dubbed the song over Shar¡'s video in her bathroom and it looks really awesome! When I listened to the Cd when I got home, it is a super extended mix that sounds fucking awesome!!!!! It's fucking twelve minutes long!!!!! I loved every second of it and it is worth every penny. the lyrics are also written out word for word and I love that, too! I was having an awesome day.
The only class I went to today was my German civilization and culture one. I really love that class. I was flirting with the girls and talking to Noel. There is this gorgeous one who I'll look at and smile at blatantly. She will almost so the same back. She is gorgeous and looks like she'd have sex with me in a second. I love that. Anyway, we got our exams back today from Friday. It had been an essay exam and seemed pretty hard because it was almost entirely identification and then a longer essay. I ended up scoring 105 percent!!! I was soaring!!! I walked around with Noel for a few minutes after that and we were being pretty perverted looking at all of the girls. What a day.
I just got back from laying out for two hours and now feel presentable if I get to go to Tampa this weekend.
Meanwhile, thoughts of Shar¡ and spending the rest of my life with her are screening constantly through my mind. It's unbelievable what she's done to me!
I went with Ashley to biology this morning and was being my normal bubbly witty self again. She let me read her letter that she had written to Daniel. There were so many parallels to Shar¡ letter about how much she loves him even down to the examples that they both used. It was uncanny. The funniest part was that Ashley hadn't read Shar¡'s letter until after she had written hers. She wanted my reaction if I had received that letter. I told her that it would make me really happy but I can't say because I just don't know how Daniel feels. Ashley and I are both taking the same roles in each of our relationships as the person who wants it most. I just realized that in my case, Shar¡ is probably just as much in it as I am. We each made each other laugh today and feel deeply about our relationships. We walked together to work out afterwards and talked a lot about our relationships in there as well. I told her how Laura and Jana had been surprised that she didn't talk about Daniel to me all of the time and look at her now. She said that she knows and was trying to keep shut up about him this year and I am the only one she has been like this to. She asked me not to tell them that she is talking about him this much again. I said that it isn't good to keep it all shut up and as long as she'll listen to me talk about Shar¡, I'll be more than happy to listen to her. We then agreed that we'll always be there for each other when we need to get through something or just won't talk. It was pretty awesome!
We were joking around about how we keep holding hands. She said that if she gets pregnant she'll claim that it's Dan's. He's Puerto Rican and I laughed as I asked her how she is going to explain the blue eyes and she said that she didn't say which Dan so she wouldn't be lying!!! I left her at eleven when she had a consultation to go to about a fitness test she had last week. I went to Burger King and got a really good American chicken sandwich and an awesome CD. Shar¡ and were slow screwing when this song by Meat Loaf came on called `I'd Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That).' We talked through the entire song and really couldn't figure out what the hell he wouldn't do and I kept laughing. it was an awesome song except for that mystery. Meanwhile she was still riding me the entire time. I later found out that he is saying he'll never let them fall apart by him sleeping around. I really love the song and have personally dubbed it our song. It has a really sentimental value to me because I remember how everything felt as the song played that night!
I waited for days to record it and finally did after requesting it on the radio. The recording was rather bad and disappointing. I came across the new CD today in a record store and had to have it. I have even dubbed the song over Shar¡'s video in her bathroom and it looks really awesome! When I listened to the Cd when I got home, it is a super extended mix that sounds fucking awesome!!!!! It's fucking twelve minutes long!!!!! I loved every second of it and it is worth every penny. the lyrics are also written out word for word and I love that, too! I was having an awesome day.
The only class I went to today was my German civilization and culture one. I really love that class. I was flirting with the girls and talking to Noel. There is this gorgeous one who I'll look at and smile at blatantly. She will almost so the same back. She is gorgeous and looks like she'd have sex with me in a second. I love that. Anyway, we got our exams back today from Friday. It had been an essay exam and seemed pretty hard because it was almost entirely identification and then a longer essay. I ended up scoring 105 percent!!! I was soaring!!! I walked around with Noel for a few minutes after that and we were being pretty perverted looking at all of the girls. What a day.
I just got back from laying out for two hours and now feel presentable if I get to go to Tampa this weekend.
Meanwhile, thoughts of Shar¡ and spending the rest of my life with her are screening constantly through my mind. It's unbelievable what she's done to me!
Tuesday, September 14, 1993
September 14, 1993 - Tuesday - Calls from Shar¡!, Ash
Shar¡ called me last night at 12:15 for half hour. She had been sleeping since seven and had just waken up and wanted to talk to me. She told me that her mom was telling her if she ever wanted to get Cord off of her shoulders for a while that she or her Aunt Carol would take him. Shar¡ knows her mom is trying to take him away from her, and I told her that she better not ever let her mom do that. She said that she definitely won't, and said that Cord is the one reason that she is still living. After a pause she added that I'm the second... but that kind of sounded fake. She also told me that her mom planned on just coming over and getting Cord so Shar¡'s grandfather could see him. She told her no and complained that neither of them ever care or cared how she feels about stuff like that and she told me that now I can see why she did what she did. I told her not really, but I understand and she laughed a little. I really wanted to and plan on telling her about my suicidal tendencies when I was younger. My reasoning was far stupider than hers but is the reason I accepted what she did so easily without any real anger at her. We were both in a serious and tired mood but I was glad to hear from her. She told me a little about her weekend as did I. I did wish her happy two months which was kind of cute.
I went to class with Ashley this morning and we were being very comforting to each other all morning. Today would have been (is?) her and Daniel's two year anniversary!!! They've had a couple of on and off times but still. She said that she wrote him a very `effective' letter and will let me read it. She read Shar¡'s new letter and I was just kind of contemplating things in class. She asked me what was wrong once and was trying to cheer me up with the little bit of cheer that she still had inside of her. She was pretty depressed about Daniel and all. I did actually tell her how it bothers me a little how Shar¡ and I don't really express our feelings on the phone at all and anyone who heard our conversation last night probably could have never guessed that we were going out. I thought to myself how amazingly easy it is to express my feelings to her and to talk to her and I hope that we will become really good friends. Ashley said that she understands and said it was the same way with Daniel. I also told her about Sarah, and mentioned Laura.
I ran into Eva on the way out of class and said hello but quickly and abruptly returned my attention to Ashley. She was going to an early chemistry lecture and asked if I'd walk with her and I said gladly. She was telling me how she burnt her fingers on a crucible in chemistry lab and I asked her if she wished she had somebody to kiss it and make it better! It was kind of mean and she splashed the last few drops of her tea on me. It was kind of funny though. She came across a girl she knows in front of class and I told her I was going to head back. For some reason she kept asking me to come to class with her but I really hoped she was joking. We did hold hands and kind of stretched until they finally fell apart. It was really cute and told each other that we'll be there for one another.
Today was Chris' twenty-first birthday. Happy Birthday!!! I bought him this perfect card that showed a rather attractive Greek looking girl with her arms raised behind her head. The only problems were the armpits full of hair. Inside it said, `Birthdays are the pits!' Everybody thought it was really funny and very appropriate, even Chris who loved it. We went and studied at eight for about three hours. Cecil showed up and we ended up taking Chris to Krystals for his birthday and bought twenty hamburgers. I ate eight of them back at the room. Along with Ed, we all ended up having a long and very sentimental and factual conversation about my situation with Shar¡.
She called at about 12:30 and we talked for quite a while. This time we were both very happy and had an awesome talk. We were quite wonderful to each other which was very good. She had gone to the dentist today and had this hole in her front tooth repaired and said it came out really good. I heard Buffy in the background laugh and say that she has been looking at it enough all day long. Shar¡ said that it just looks so different, and that she'll be able to smile now. I told her that sucked because even more guys will want her now and she denied it. She also said something about needing glasses! Ha! Ha! I told her that she should get contacts... brown ones. It took her a second and then she squealed no and asked if I don't like her eyes anymore. I told her that I love her eyes and then told her how I used to tell girls that I wanted brown contacts and they'd give me the same reaction about my eyes.
We said some really cool stuff to each other but I don't want to jinx it so I won't say anything... yet. We mentioned about our letters and she said that she hasn't written me back yet. I was hurt and told her that I've written her twice and she hasn't written me at all, I was just whining and I told her I had puppy eyes. She said that she'll write but she won't give it to me until the weekend if I come down. She asked me if I had read her last letter two or three times yet and I said of course. Last night when she called she had first apologized for calling so late and I told her not to worry about it because I was awake and reading. I told her tonight that she never asked me what I was reading. She did then and I told her it was her letter! I complained about something and wanted her pity. i said that I was depressed and she asked why. I joked that I am a manic depressive and we kind of laughed about that. It was weird. I was really glad she called and that we talked like we did, it really lifted my spirits.
I went to class with Ashley this morning and we were being very comforting to each other all morning. Today would have been (is?) her and Daniel's two year anniversary!!! They've had a couple of on and off times but still. She said that she wrote him a very `effective' letter and will let me read it. She read Shar¡'s new letter and I was just kind of contemplating things in class. She asked me what was wrong once and was trying to cheer me up with the little bit of cheer that she still had inside of her. She was pretty depressed about Daniel and all. I did actually tell her how it bothers me a little how Shar¡ and I don't really express our feelings on the phone at all and anyone who heard our conversation last night probably could have never guessed that we were going out. I thought to myself how amazingly easy it is to express my feelings to her and to talk to her and I hope that we will become really good friends. Ashley said that she understands and said it was the same way with Daniel. I also told her about Sarah, and mentioned Laura.
I ran into Eva on the way out of class and said hello but quickly and abruptly returned my attention to Ashley. She was going to an early chemistry lecture and asked if I'd walk with her and I said gladly. She was telling me how she burnt her fingers on a crucible in chemistry lab and I asked her if she wished she had somebody to kiss it and make it better! It was kind of mean and she splashed the last few drops of her tea on me. It was kind of funny though. She came across a girl she knows in front of class and I told her I was going to head back. For some reason she kept asking me to come to class with her but I really hoped she was joking. We did hold hands and kind of stretched until they finally fell apart. It was really cute and told each other that we'll be there for one another.
Today was Chris' twenty-first birthday. Happy Birthday!!! I bought him this perfect card that showed a rather attractive Greek looking girl with her arms raised behind her head. The only problems were the armpits full of hair. Inside it said, `Birthdays are the pits!' Everybody thought it was really funny and very appropriate, even Chris who loved it. We went and studied at eight for about three hours. Cecil showed up and we ended up taking Chris to Krystals for his birthday and bought twenty hamburgers. I ate eight of them back at the room. Along with Ed, we all ended up having a long and very sentimental and factual conversation about my situation with Shar¡.
She called at about 12:30 and we talked for quite a while. This time we were both very happy and had an awesome talk. We were quite wonderful to each other which was very good. She had gone to the dentist today and had this hole in her front tooth repaired and said it came out really good. I heard Buffy in the background laugh and say that she has been looking at it enough all day long. Shar¡ said that it just looks so different, and that she'll be able to smile now. I told her that sucked because even more guys will want her now and she denied it. She also said something about needing glasses! Ha! Ha! I told her that she should get contacts... brown ones. It took her a second and then she squealed no and asked if I don't like her eyes anymore. I told her that I love her eyes and then told her how I used to tell girls that I wanted brown contacts and they'd give me the same reaction about my eyes.
We said some really cool stuff to each other but I don't want to jinx it so I won't say anything... yet. We mentioned about our letters and she said that she hasn't written me back yet. I was hurt and told her that I've written her twice and she hasn't written me at all, I was just whining and I told her I had puppy eyes. She said that she'll write but she won't give it to me until the weekend if I come down. She asked me if I had read her last letter two or three times yet and I said of course. Last night when she called she had first apologized for calling so late and I told her not to worry about it because I was awake and reading. I told her tonight that she never asked me what I was reading. She did then and I told her it was her letter! I complained about something and wanted her pity. i said that I was depressed and she asked why. I joked that I am a manic depressive and we kind of laughed about that. It was weird. I was really glad she called and that we talked like we did, it really lifted my spirits.
Monday, September 13, 1993
September 13, 1993 - Monday - Love letter!, Forever!?
I planned on creating a card today for Shar¡ on this computer that they have at the campus bookstore. I started playing around with some poetry last night on the computer. I kind of wanted it not to be influenced by her new letter today and I also figured that every card should have a poem. I told her Saturday night that her poem had made Ashley cry and she asked me if it had moved me in any way. I told her that the letter took away from her poem but it was very good and I like it more and more every time I read it which is true. She laughed and told me that she bet that I didn't know she could do stuff like that! It was pretty funny and very cute. Anyway, here is my rough work on love poetry for the mediocre:
Try #1:
Try #2:
Final draft:
I then waited to see what the nature of my card would be from the letter I was expecting today from Shar¡. She did keep saying that I'll like this one much better, and once she added that at least she hopes I will. I was ready early for my three hour block of classes in Turlington Hall today to check the mail under the skeptical hope that the mail would actually be in before 10:30. When I got downstairs I could hear somebody already at the mailboxes and my hopes shot up. When I saw the letters in the mailbox I was overjoyed!!! I was all happy as I read it on the way to class and my smile only got bigger and bigger on the way:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
She also tried to draw a picture of my peace necklace and then wrote, "looks stupid but oh well." I helped her cut off the long part of the string and retie it as a permanent accessory on her neck when she was up here. I even melted the ends together with a lighter, showing her that I know what I'm doing. She simply wrote, "`Daddy Dan'," on the outside of this envelope!
On Saturday when we talked, she also told me that she talked to that guy, Kenny, at the pool again and Christina thinks he's really cute. She said that he came up to her and asked her if she is Dan Skinner's girlfriend and she said yes. He then was asking her about me supposedly being really smart and all. She was kind of rude to him and said that she doesn't really know because we don't talk about school and stuff.
Needless to say, I was a very happy person in class and was very anxiously waiting the end of my classes so I could write her back. I told everybody that in a nutshell, she wrote that she loves me, wants to be with me forever, and that I was the best sex she's ever had! It might be stretching the truth a little, but maybe not.
I just went and was reading some of her letters and some of mine. I keep photocopies of all of mine now and was really glad I did so that I could see what exactly I wrote that time she cried. I also photocopy hers so I don't mess up the originals. I guess I'm materially sentimental. But I was thinking about her and everything about her. How I really do want to be there to guide Cord along as he grows up to save him from her!!! Not really but that sounded good. She did say that Cord will need a male figure and someone there for him. I keep wanting to ask her what about herself! I've really fallen for the girl and hope we will find our path of happiness to be as easy and wonderful as it's been so far.
Try #1:
When falling in love is something new,
It can make you happy, make you true,
It can even scare the hell out of you!
Try #2:
I've had crushes and have been in lust,
but something different happened with us.
I've never felt this way before in my life,
and I'm asking you tonight to be my strife! Ha! Ha!
(or `wife' as the case may be!!!)
Final draft:
My secret
If you look for love,
it will never come true.
It's when you least expect it,
that it rains down on you!
I've had crushes and have been in lust,
but something different happened between us.
I've never had such feelings about anyone before,
and I hope many more are waiting for us in store.
It's like some unbelievable controlling force,
that's sending my heart on a loopy course.
I kept it hidden at first like a quite dove,
But now I'll show you that I've finally found love!
I then waited to see what the nature of my card would be from the letter I was expecting today from Shar¡. She did keep saying that I'll like this one much better, and once she added that at least she hopes I will. I was ready early for my three hour block of classes in Turlington Hall today to check the mail under the skeptical hope that the mail would actually be in before 10:30. When I got downstairs I could hear somebody already at the mailboxes and my hopes shot up. When I saw the letters in the mailbox I was overjoyed!!! I was all happy as I read it on the way to class and my smile only got bigger and bigger on the way:
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I love you HONEY!!!--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dan,
September
Hey sexy!!! This is probly the letter you were looking for Wed. instead of the one you recieved. I just got through reading your letter, you are starting to express your feeling and that's good - I like that. Anyway I very much enjoyed my weekend with you and wished I could stay up there forever and a day. I also enjoyed haveing you there to cuddle with and hold me all night, I really miss that but I can wait until next time I come up there or you transfer to USF. Dan I really miss you, I miss your every touch, kiss, laugh, everything we did together and so on and so on. Sometimes I sit and think about you, look at your pictures, hear your voice in the back of my head and it all seems weird, that I let someone inside my heart and mind in only a short period of time. I guess that's the reason why I want to take everything slow.... because I usually don't let anyone in, and when I do I usually end up getting hurt. It is going to take me awhile to comprehend everything I am feeling for you, because this time it's diffrent. You're diffrent than all the other guys and I am still trying to figure out what it is about you.......
Sorry, the kids are watching T.V. actually Winnie the Pooh tape and I got interested. Anyway I was talking about things being diffrent.... The only time I have been in love was the first 2 months of my relationship with Michael, it only lasted for two mon. because I was only looking someone to show me a good time and be with me. But then my mother and I started bitching at each other about him and that's when I said fuck ya all and left. "That was the biggest mistake of my whole life." The only thing good I got was a little boy.... Ya know what?????? I think that's it - It seems so diffrent because you actually care and love Cord. You just don't put up with him because he's there. Or do you?????
He's really a little charmer and enjoys being around you. He also needs someone that cares for him being him not just because he's there, and from what you say, you do, and that's good.........
Besides in a couple of years if not now he's gonna need a male figure and I would like that male figure to be you. He does ask about you every now and then but at least he asks. That shows me that you did make an impression on him for him to remember you.
!Subject change!
About the roses............ They were beautiful and still alive, I really didn't expect them but that is also the first time anyone has gave me a dozen of roses. Everyone else gave me one, two, or sometimes three but never a dozen. I guess that means in your eyes I am worth a dozen....... Or does it????
I would have showed them off to more people but no one else came over. This guy looked at them when I get off the bus and he said, "Oh you didn't have to," and I said I didn't! I really felt like someone special to you when you gave them to me, until you wrote me and said you do it to all your girlfriends! J/K I do feel special to you, and it's a good felling. I've really fallen head over hills for you and maybe I should come back over this way just a tiny bit. What do you think??? I still have a little bit of doubts but eventually that will fade away. It has faded a bit already and one day it will no longer be there. But you can understand that can't you??? Anyway the two fondest memories I have of our little weekend together, actually the whole weekend is wonderful memories but the two fondest is when you whispered back to me, "I love you too." I wanted to say that all weekend but I was waiting for the perfect timeing and I am glad I waited because the moment I said I love you was a moment to always remember. I ment it when I said it to, I do really love you. No other word can really express the words love you except "LOVE"! My other fond memorie is when we took "HOT" showers together. I enjoyed our « an hour showers together holding each other while the nice hot water drained down our bodies stuck together. Another memorie that is in front of all the others is every time we "made love," if those words are exceptable but I am not going to talk about that very much, because no words can really explain how that felt except "awesome." That also was really diffrent. I also think it's because we love and care for one another and it's not just a one time thing. Every thing about you is so diffrent than I and anyone else and I love it. It's also because I love and care deaply for you. I think I have finally found the person I've been looking for to spend the rest of my life with and that person is you. Does that scare you??? It doesn't scare me because I am hip with the situation. Well tell everyone I said Hi and take it easy.
I love you Deaply,
Shari {heart}
P.S. Cord says Hi and "oud you to"
Love Cord
P.S.S. Hope this letter is better than the other one!!!
P.S.S.S. I mean every thing I said to you!!!
P.S.S.S.S. {love}{peace}&{happiness}
P.S.S.S.S.S. Hurry up and transfer, we need you down here.
She also tried to draw a picture of my peace necklace and then wrote, "looks stupid but oh well." I helped her cut off the long part of the string and retie it as a permanent accessory on her neck when she was up here. I even melted the ends together with a lighter, showing her that I know what I'm doing. She simply wrote, "`Daddy Dan'," on the outside of this envelope!
On Saturday when we talked, she also told me that she talked to that guy, Kenny, at the pool again and Christina thinks he's really cute. She said that he came up to her and asked her if she is Dan Skinner's girlfriend and she said yes. He then was asking her about me supposedly being really smart and all. She was kind of rude to him and said that she doesn't really know because we don't talk about school and stuff.
Needless to say, I was a very happy person in class and was very anxiously waiting the end of my classes so I could write her back. I told everybody that in a nutshell, she wrote that she loves me, wants to be with me forever, and that I was the best sex she's ever had! It might be stretching the truth a little, but maybe not.
I just went and was reading some of her letters and some of mine. I keep photocopies of all of mine now and was really glad I did so that I could see what exactly I wrote that time she cried. I also photocopy hers so I don't mess up the originals. I guess I'm materially sentimental. But I was thinking about her and everything about her. How I really do want to be there to guide Cord along as he grows up to save him from her!!! Not really but that sounded good. She did say that Cord will need a male figure and someone there for him. I keep wanting to ask her what about herself! I've really fallen for the girl and hope we will find our path of happiness to be as easy and wonderful as it's been so far.
Saturday, September 11, 1993
September 11, 1993 - Saturday - Screwy weekend!, Sarah!
I've had one majorly fucked up weekend and I only wish there was a way to let Shar¡ know how much she's changed me for the better! I actually had to exert an effort today not to have sex with a gorgeous girl because she more than wanted to try...
Anyway, Ed's parents came up to Micanopy last night for a personal camping trip and to drop off the television!!! That was awesome!!! We all stayed home and watched a James Bond movie to celebrate. Afterwards, I pulled out my home video of Shar¡ and popped it in the player. I waited until Jon, Ed, and Roswitha had gone out of the room to start playing it. I didn't want it to look like I wanted to show her off even though I was planning on it. Of course they were all back in the room watching it a couple seconds later on their own doing. It was awesome to see that video again and to hear us talking on our first `official' night. I call it that because it was really the first time that we ever made out for any extended amount of time. Like I said yesterday, it was also the night that Shar¡ passed Kimmeth in my heart although I didn't know that to be the case for a few more days.
After Ed and Roswitha had headed over to her place, I watched the video over an dover again for a while. I then used the bathroom and the phone rang while I was. Jon got up to answer it and I had him tell the person to call back in five. He said he thought it was Shar¡. It turned out to be Laura which was rather interesting. She said that she had a big favor to ask me but I turned the conversation over to a personal nature. One of the first things she said is that she heard I have a girlfriend now. I quickly told her that after I got rejected by her, I had to turn to someone else. I then refreshed her memory that it was the girl at the party and the one I met the day we were supposed to go to Despaparados. She argued that she didn't reject me and we started into a pretty serious talk where she eventually said that she would have gone out with me if I had only asked. I made her realize that I had been being nice for a reason all of those times and it was quite funny.
What I keep asking myself over and over is why the girls always come at once!!! Ed told me that you don't even have to tell a girl, but if she can smell a girlfriend on your skin, then it'll make her want you more. Chris and I have said that it excites some girls and poses a challenge that makes them realize that the competition is there and they'll want you even more. I guess it just has a lot to do with fate. I've had to make a lot of decisions in the past couple of months and every single one of them has been for Shar¡. I'm nit sure what it is about her but it's got me.
Laura wanted to borrow my blender and I said of course. She came up with Ashley, Jessica, and some goofy little guy friend of theirs. I had changed my clothes and looked pretty nice when they came in. Laura asked me to come along but I said that I needed to get some rest because Clint's ex-girlfriend was coming up today. We kind of had a little talk about that, too. I greeted Ashley very nicely because I was really glad to see her. They all came in and checked out our new bar and to talk for a few minutes. Laura and I still tell each other that we love each other and were standing there with an arm wrapped around each other. It was kind of funny in front of Ashley. I asked Ashley if she had gotten her letter from Daniel which was kind of mean. She frowned and then pushed her way past Laura and we hugged and she put her head on my shoulder. We said that we'd be there for each other and I told her that we can even hold hands! That was pretty funny in front of Laura.
Laura ended up back under my arm and before they left Ashley stuck her hand out at me and told me that she wanted me to hold it!!! That was pretty awesome! I'll tell her next time that I feel guilty about having unprotected sex with her and we'll laugh about that. I had never been happier to have stayed home on a Friday night after that little interlude, though.
Well, Sarah called this morning at eleven. I had cleaned up the rooms and made the place look really nice. They ended up making it over by noon and I went downstairs to let them in. When I saw Sarah I was amazed because she looked taller and much prettier than I had remembered. Amanda was there with her boyfriend, this big country fraternity guy with a scruff beard. He ended up being really cool, though. We all went upstairs and thankfully there were no roommates at the time. We talked for a few minutes while I finished getting ready and then we decided to go out for a little while. the guy wanted to go look at motorcycles so we obliged. Sarah has a four door teal Saturn which I love. When we got to the place we looked at tall the awesome recreational stuff like the jet skis and so forth. I was joking around with the girls a lot just like the last time at Busch Gardens. Actually this was only the second time I've ever seen them. Sarah and I had kind of grabbed each other's hand by the time we left the store.
We then were debating between going tubing on the river, going to these springs, or just going to see a movie. After quite a while of just driving around, we finally decided to see about a movie. We stopped at a McDonalds for a few minutes and Sarah and I went in for her to change. We ended up each getting a big shake and some fries and we argued forever but she ended up treating. We then sat and talked for a long time and really pissed the other two off out in the hot car. Sarah has the most beautiful tanned freckled breasts and a very attractive body. It has always been a fantasy of mine lately before Shar¡ to do a younger girl for the experience of what I missed in high school. Just to get one while they're still somewhat fresh seemed exciting and shoved itself right in my face today.
We decided to head over to the mall to see a movie or just to walk around. Sarah was starting to get really tired because she had been awake so much over the weekend. When we got there most of the movies had started and we eventually decided to look around in some of the stores. Sarah grabbed me by the hand and we went into a record store. Amanda soon ran up with the idea that we go rent a movie and go back to my place. On the walk out the girls paired off up in front of us and stated talking while we did the same. He had said earlier that all Sarah was talking about on the trip is that she hasn't been fucked in along time and was really looking forward to seeing me! He and I had also joked around making sexual references and he said that he really likes `this guy.' That was pretty cool. Anyway we were talking about sex and he said that he hasn't gotten any in quite a while and I laughed and said that my last was Monday morning!!! He called me a lucky bastard because he knew what was up with Sarah as well. I later mentioned to him that this other girl is my girlfriend which really surprised him.
What really surprised me is how much I've changed since meeting Shar¡ for the better. It used to be that I would have eagerly had sex with two different girls in the same week but Shar¡ means so much to me now that didn't even want to do more than casually touch this girl of my `fantasies!' I really wish there is a way that I could tell Shar¡ what happened so that she could appreciate how I truly feel for her. It ended up that we couldn't rent any videos because we didn't have a major credit card so we went back to my place to see what I have. I bought a box of Vivarin so that Sarah could take a few on her way home so at least they'd live on the drive home at four. We decided it was best if Sarah lay down and I gave her my bed. I ended up going in and talking to her by leaning up on the bed like I did with Shar¡.
I tried to leave a couple of times so she could rest but she kept yelling at me to come back. She really wanted me to kiss her because I would move my face towards hers every once in a while and she would answer back with the same movement. At almost any point all day I could have kissed her and ended up having sex with her. It was entirely my decision because she had yes written all over her face. Amanda and her boyfriend took my main entrance key and kept going downstairs to smoke every once in a while during their Basic Instinct movie. I was alone talking to Sarah and we had been lucky so far that none of my roommates had shown up. Ed walked in and I introduced them. It was pretty funny because we were both in my room and she was already in my bed. I let his imagination wander as he left on his bike ride.
She eventually sat up and I put my arms around her legs and we were holding onto each other and touching a lot. The great impulse to kiss her if even only to make her happy kept rushing through my mind only to be violently stopped by Shar¡. I kept thinking about what my conscience would do to me if I did sleep with Sarah. I probably wouldn't be able to talk to Shar¡ straight and she might figure that something's up. I finally said fuck it in my mind and decided that if she wanted to kiss me, she could do it, but I wasn't going to start anything. I eventually ended up escorting them down. Sarah kept telling m,e throughout the day that she wants to come up pretty soon by herself to stay with me for a weekend. She didn't know where she'd stay until I told her that you can have members of the opposite sex stay in your rooms. That surprised her but she really liked the idea and she said that she'll even cook for me when she comes up. We hugged long and hard before they drove off.
I then went and bragged my ass off to Jon because I was so damn proud of what I didn't do. We had a talk about it for a little while. I then went next door and hung out with the neighbors for a little while. I had already changed back into my dorm clothes. We were joking about sex and I was talking to Leigh Anne about my two girlfriends. I told her that I stayed loyal. She was asking me about Cord and if he is really Shar¡'s baby. I was standing there with them at the kitchen table only to see Sarah and the others walk by to my room! This was more than an hour after they left!!! They saw me in the other room but weren't sure if it was me or not. they wanted to call their moms back in Tampa and try to tell their moms that they would be home even later than they had planned. The hardest part was the fact that neither of them were supposed to be in Gainesville at all. Sarah is really good at home and both of the girls' moms love her a lot and it really made her nervous that Amanda was doing this. Anyway it got done and we all decided to go out. They needed to get ready and I wanted to take a shower so I sent them back to the guy's room for a while. Sarah and I held hands the entire way down and just before she got in the car, we kissed on the lips...
I knew that Shar¡ was probably still at Christine's for the weekend but I tried calling her anyway. Buffy answered and said that they got my new letter but Shar¡ hasn't seen it yet. I then called Christine's house and asked for Shar¡. I then talked to Christine for a few minutes and she was all excited to hear from me. I apologized for being mean to her that night and she really didn't seem to care anymore. It turns out that her party was tonight!!! instead of Friday night. I knew that but just wasn't thinking. I told Shar¡ that I would have come in a second if I would have known and Shar¡ said that she really wishes I had. We talked for a little while and had a really good conversation. I told her that my new letter is waiting for her and it's kind of a different one. She said our little, `Uh oh!' that we make now when we think something bad is going to come out of the other's mouth. I told her just to wait and see. She was telling me first how she really did write me six pages worth in the new one. I told her about how I was getting ready to go out and all. She ended by telling me to be careful and some other stuff and I essentially only told her to be good.
They came back later and the guy still hadn't gotten in touch with his friend about the party yet. The Florida versus Kentucky game came on TV which is really cool because it is pay per view and the student government bought the broadcast for the entire campus! That was great so he and I started watching the game while the girls went out and bought food for us. Sarah kept saying that she really needed to talk to Amanda before they left and they didn't come back for an hour. I called Laura while they were gone and talked to her for a while. We started talking again about how we should have gone out and I was convincing her that I did really want to back at Busch Gardens. I told her how I always told Ronnie to back off and how Mark and I used to talk about us a lot. It was funny and we talked until the girls came back. She accused me of ditching her again but we laughed it off as we said goodbye.
Sarah had taken two Vivarin earlier and was nervous in the first place about her mom so we put her in bed when they got back. Amanda tried calling their moms again because they hadn't been home earlier. Amanda majorly fucked up and ended up hanging up on Sarah's mom!!! Sarah freaked out and started crying because she knew that her mom would end up taking her license away again after all of this was over. I went in the room and held her and she said that Amanda is always getting her in trouble for as long as they've known each other and how she can't wait to come up to Gainesville to get the freedom that living alone gets you. She kept saying all day that she wanted to run away.
I just kept thinking to myself how glad I was that their night was falling apart so I wouldn't get any more chances to be unfaithful. I eventually calmed her down and we were sitting on the stools in the living room alone again. I had both of her hands and she kept asking how I put up with her and that I must hate her for ruining my day. I kept reassuring her that she hadn't in any way. We started looking at each other starry eyed and came very close to kissing a couple of times. I did have my hands all over her but I did keep it respectable. She started getting really nervous again and said that she really just wanted to go to that party for a little while and then they could just go home. Amanda was being a completely stupid bitch to Sarah about the whole thing because she didn't have anything to lose out of the whole ordeal. After both the guy and I said that we can't go to the party because he hasn't even talked to him yet and by that time they'll only have about fifteen minutes before they have to go home.
Sarah then said that she just needed to drive and none of us wanted to give her the keys. The other two walked out right before her and I still didn't think she should be driving right then. I essentially told her that if she left, I wouldn't be going with her and asked her if she's still going to write. She said what? and then asked if I was being serious. I think I said that it was nice knowing her and she got pissed and slammed out. I knew she expected me to follow her and I then heard Amanda ask her what I had said to her. There was no way in hell I was leaving my room right then for something so stupid and dangerous. I was kind of glad that they were gone, too. I figure I'll give her a call sometime this week just to `make up.'
I then started watching the game with Jon and Leigh Anne who came over to talk to me. We were talking about sex and I said that I am depressed. She said that I have no reason to be depressed because I have sex flying at me from all directions, but she's the one who can't get any. I told her that my second girlfriend and I got in a fight and then told her what was said. She said that I am cold, but oh well. She was hungry and was rooting through our refrigerator. I offered to make her a plate of French fries and later said that they brought back memories because Shar¡ and I usually had a plate of them before having sex last weekend. That was funny. We were really pissed that the year was over already as the Gators were losing to the Kentucky Wildcats in the final seconds of the game. The Gator's had rallied and completed a two point conversion to tie the game but Kentucky answered with a field goal. We had essentially lost all hope and had turned our attention away from the game when (I have chill bumps right now just thinking about it!) we looked up to hear screaming and every Gator on TV holding up their arms!!! Our replacement red shirt freshman quarterback had completed an awesome pass to a walk on receiver for a touchdown with only three seconds remaining!!!!! We freaked and I knew that both the year and this week will be awesome...
It was a very screwy weekend.
Anyway, Ed's parents came up to Micanopy last night for a personal camping trip and to drop off the television!!! That was awesome!!! We all stayed home and watched a James Bond movie to celebrate. Afterwards, I pulled out my home video of Shar¡ and popped it in the player. I waited until Jon, Ed, and Roswitha had gone out of the room to start playing it. I didn't want it to look like I wanted to show her off even though I was planning on it. Of course they were all back in the room watching it a couple seconds later on their own doing. It was awesome to see that video again and to hear us talking on our first `official' night. I call it that because it was really the first time that we ever made out for any extended amount of time. Like I said yesterday, it was also the night that Shar¡ passed Kimmeth in my heart although I didn't know that to be the case for a few more days.
After Ed and Roswitha had headed over to her place, I watched the video over an dover again for a while. I then used the bathroom and the phone rang while I was. Jon got up to answer it and I had him tell the person to call back in five. He said he thought it was Shar¡. It turned out to be Laura which was rather interesting. She said that she had a big favor to ask me but I turned the conversation over to a personal nature. One of the first things she said is that she heard I have a girlfriend now. I quickly told her that after I got rejected by her, I had to turn to someone else. I then refreshed her memory that it was the girl at the party and the one I met the day we were supposed to go to Despaparados. She argued that she didn't reject me and we started into a pretty serious talk where she eventually said that she would have gone out with me if I had only asked. I made her realize that I had been being nice for a reason all of those times and it was quite funny.
What I keep asking myself over and over is why the girls always come at once!!! Ed told me that you don't even have to tell a girl, but if she can smell a girlfriend on your skin, then it'll make her want you more. Chris and I have said that it excites some girls and poses a challenge that makes them realize that the competition is there and they'll want you even more. I guess it just has a lot to do with fate. I've had to make a lot of decisions in the past couple of months and every single one of them has been for Shar¡. I'm nit sure what it is about her but it's got me.
Laura wanted to borrow my blender and I said of course. She came up with Ashley, Jessica, and some goofy little guy friend of theirs. I had changed my clothes and looked pretty nice when they came in. Laura asked me to come along but I said that I needed to get some rest because Clint's ex-girlfriend was coming up today. We kind of had a little talk about that, too. I greeted Ashley very nicely because I was really glad to see her. They all came in and checked out our new bar and to talk for a few minutes. Laura and I still tell each other that we love each other and were standing there with an arm wrapped around each other. It was kind of funny in front of Ashley. I asked Ashley if she had gotten her letter from Daniel which was kind of mean. She frowned and then pushed her way past Laura and we hugged and she put her head on my shoulder. We said that we'd be there for each other and I told her that we can even hold hands! That was pretty funny in front of Laura.
Laura ended up back under my arm and before they left Ashley stuck her hand out at me and told me that she wanted me to hold it!!! That was pretty awesome! I'll tell her next time that I feel guilty about having unprotected sex with her and we'll laugh about that. I had never been happier to have stayed home on a Friday night after that little interlude, though.
Well, Sarah called this morning at eleven. I had cleaned up the rooms and made the place look really nice. They ended up making it over by noon and I went downstairs to let them in. When I saw Sarah I was amazed because she looked taller and much prettier than I had remembered. Amanda was there with her boyfriend, this big country fraternity guy with a scruff beard. He ended up being really cool, though. We all went upstairs and thankfully there were no roommates at the time. We talked for a few minutes while I finished getting ready and then we decided to go out for a little while. the guy wanted to go look at motorcycles so we obliged. Sarah has a four door teal Saturn which I love. When we got to the place we looked at tall the awesome recreational stuff like the jet skis and so forth. I was joking around with the girls a lot just like the last time at Busch Gardens. Actually this was only the second time I've ever seen them. Sarah and I had kind of grabbed each other's hand by the time we left the store.
We then were debating between going tubing on the river, going to these springs, or just going to see a movie. After quite a while of just driving around, we finally decided to see about a movie. We stopped at a McDonalds for a few minutes and Sarah and I went in for her to change. We ended up each getting a big shake and some fries and we argued forever but she ended up treating. We then sat and talked for a long time and really pissed the other two off out in the hot car. Sarah has the most beautiful tanned freckled breasts and a very attractive body. It has always been a fantasy of mine lately before Shar¡ to do a younger girl for the experience of what I missed in high school. Just to get one while they're still somewhat fresh seemed exciting and shoved itself right in my face today.
We decided to head over to the mall to see a movie or just to walk around. Sarah was starting to get really tired because she had been awake so much over the weekend. When we got there most of the movies had started and we eventually decided to look around in some of the stores. Sarah grabbed me by the hand and we went into a record store. Amanda soon ran up with the idea that we go rent a movie and go back to my place. On the walk out the girls paired off up in front of us and stated talking while we did the same. He had said earlier that all Sarah was talking about on the trip is that she hasn't been fucked in along time and was really looking forward to seeing me! He and I had also joked around making sexual references and he said that he really likes `this guy.' That was pretty cool. Anyway we were talking about sex and he said that he hasn't gotten any in quite a while and I laughed and said that my last was Monday morning!!! He called me a lucky bastard because he knew what was up with Sarah as well. I later mentioned to him that this other girl is my girlfriend which really surprised him.
What really surprised me is how much I've changed since meeting Shar¡ for the better. It used to be that I would have eagerly had sex with two different girls in the same week but Shar¡ means so much to me now that didn't even want to do more than casually touch this girl of my `fantasies!' I really wish there is a way that I could tell Shar¡ what happened so that she could appreciate how I truly feel for her. It ended up that we couldn't rent any videos because we didn't have a major credit card so we went back to my place to see what I have. I bought a box of Vivarin so that Sarah could take a few on her way home so at least they'd live on the drive home at four. We decided it was best if Sarah lay down and I gave her my bed. I ended up going in and talking to her by leaning up on the bed like I did with Shar¡.
I tried to leave a couple of times so she could rest but she kept yelling at me to come back. She really wanted me to kiss her because I would move my face towards hers every once in a while and she would answer back with the same movement. At almost any point all day I could have kissed her and ended up having sex with her. It was entirely my decision because she had yes written all over her face. Amanda and her boyfriend took my main entrance key and kept going downstairs to smoke every once in a while during their Basic Instinct movie. I was alone talking to Sarah and we had been lucky so far that none of my roommates had shown up. Ed walked in and I introduced them. It was pretty funny because we were both in my room and she was already in my bed. I let his imagination wander as he left on his bike ride.
She eventually sat up and I put my arms around her legs and we were holding onto each other and touching a lot. The great impulse to kiss her if even only to make her happy kept rushing through my mind only to be violently stopped by Shar¡. I kept thinking about what my conscience would do to me if I did sleep with Sarah. I probably wouldn't be able to talk to Shar¡ straight and she might figure that something's up. I finally said fuck it in my mind and decided that if she wanted to kiss me, she could do it, but I wasn't going to start anything. I eventually ended up escorting them down. Sarah kept telling m,e throughout the day that she wants to come up pretty soon by herself to stay with me for a weekend. She didn't know where she'd stay until I told her that you can have members of the opposite sex stay in your rooms. That surprised her but she really liked the idea and she said that she'll even cook for me when she comes up. We hugged long and hard before they drove off.
I then went and bragged my ass off to Jon because I was so damn proud of what I didn't do. We had a talk about it for a little while. I then went next door and hung out with the neighbors for a little while. I had already changed back into my dorm clothes. We were joking about sex and I was talking to Leigh Anne about my two girlfriends. I told her that I stayed loyal. She was asking me about Cord and if he is really Shar¡'s baby. I was standing there with them at the kitchen table only to see Sarah and the others walk by to my room! This was more than an hour after they left!!! They saw me in the other room but weren't sure if it was me or not. they wanted to call their moms back in Tampa and try to tell their moms that they would be home even later than they had planned. The hardest part was the fact that neither of them were supposed to be in Gainesville at all. Sarah is really good at home and both of the girls' moms love her a lot and it really made her nervous that Amanda was doing this. Anyway it got done and we all decided to go out. They needed to get ready and I wanted to take a shower so I sent them back to the guy's room for a while. Sarah and I held hands the entire way down and just before she got in the car, we kissed on the lips...
I knew that Shar¡ was probably still at Christine's for the weekend but I tried calling her anyway. Buffy answered and said that they got my new letter but Shar¡ hasn't seen it yet. I then called Christine's house and asked for Shar¡. I then talked to Christine for a few minutes and she was all excited to hear from me. I apologized for being mean to her that night and she really didn't seem to care anymore. It turns out that her party was tonight!!! instead of Friday night. I knew that but just wasn't thinking. I told Shar¡ that I would have come in a second if I would have known and Shar¡ said that she really wishes I had. We talked for a little while and had a really good conversation. I told her that my new letter is waiting for her and it's kind of a different one. She said our little, `Uh oh!' that we make now when we think something bad is going to come out of the other's mouth. I told her just to wait and see. She was telling me first how she really did write me six pages worth in the new one. I told her about how I was getting ready to go out and all. She ended by telling me to be careful and some other stuff and I essentially only told her to be good.
They came back later and the guy still hadn't gotten in touch with his friend about the party yet. The Florida versus Kentucky game came on TV which is really cool because it is pay per view and the student government bought the broadcast for the entire campus! That was great so he and I started watching the game while the girls went out and bought food for us. Sarah kept saying that she really needed to talk to Amanda before they left and they didn't come back for an hour. I called Laura while they were gone and talked to her for a while. We started talking again about how we should have gone out and I was convincing her that I did really want to back at Busch Gardens. I told her how I always told Ronnie to back off and how Mark and I used to talk about us a lot. It was funny and we talked until the girls came back. She accused me of ditching her again but we laughed it off as we said goodbye.
Sarah had taken two Vivarin earlier and was nervous in the first place about her mom so we put her in bed when they got back. Amanda tried calling their moms again because they hadn't been home earlier. Amanda majorly fucked up and ended up hanging up on Sarah's mom!!! Sarah freaked out and started crying because she knew that her mom would end up taking her license away again after all of this was over. I went in the room and held her and she said that Amanda is always getting her in trouble for as long as they've known each other and how she can't wait to come up to Gainesville to get the freedom that living alone gets you. She kept saying all day that she wanted to run away.
I just kept thinking to myself how glad I was that their night was falling apart so I wouldn't get any more chances to be unfaithful. I eventually calmed her down and we were sitting on the stools in the living room alone again. I had both of her hands and she kept asking how I put up with her and that I must hate her for ruining my day. I kept reassuring her that she hadn't in any way. We started looking at each other starry eyed and came very close to kissing a couple of times. I did have my hands all over her but I did keep it respectable. She started getting really nervous again and said that she really just wanted to go to that party for a little while and then they could just go home. Amanda was being a completely stupid bitch to Sarah about the whole thing because she didn't have anything to lose out of the whole ordeal. After both the guy and I said that we can't go to the party because he hasn't even talked to him yet and by that time they'll only have about fifteen minutes before they have to go home.
Sarah then said that she just needed to drive and none of us wanted to give her the keys. The other two walked out right before her and I still didn't think she should be driving right then. I essentially told her that if she left, I wouldn't be going with her and asked her if she's still going to write. She said what? and then asked if I was being serious. I think I said that it was nice knowing her and she got pissed and slammed out. I knew she expected me to follow her and I then heard Amanda ask her what I had said to her. There was no way in hell I was leaving my room right then for something so stupid and dangerous. I was kind of glad that they were gone, too. I figure I'll give her a call sometime this week just to `make up.'
I then started watching the game with Jon and Leigh Anne who came over to talk to me. We were talking about sex and I said that I am depressed. She said that I have no reason to be depressed because I have sex flying at me from all directions, but she's the one who can't get any. I told her that my second girlfriend and I got in a fight and then told her what was said. She said that I am cold, but oh well. She was hungry and was rooting through our refrigerator. I offered to make her a plate of French fries and later said that they brought back memories because Shar¡ and I usually had a plate of them before having sex last weekend. That was funny. We were really pissed that the year was over already as the Gators were losing to the Kentucky Wildcats in the final seconds of the game. The Gator's had rallied and completed a two point conversion to tie the game but Kentucky answered with a field goal. We had essentially lost all hope and had turned our attention away from the game when (I have chill bumps right now just thinking about it!) we looked up to hear screaming and every Gator on TV holding up their arms!!! Our replacement red shirt freshman quarterback had completed an awesome pass to a walk on receiver for a touchdown with only three seconds remaining!!!!! We freaked and I knew that both the year and this week will be awesome...
It was a very screwy weekend.
Friday, September 10, 1993
September 10, 1993 - Friday - Emotional roller coaster
I've had one hell of an emotional roller coaster week! I think that I shouldn't have emphasized things as much as I did this week but I'm starting to really think that I've fallen enough in love with her that maybe I should have. I just got myself a nice little pop back into reality that didn't really do much damage if any which is cool. I think the best thing to do would be first to read the letter:
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Every time I read the letter nowadays, I pick more and more `good' stuff out of it now that I know what her `true' intentions were when she wrote it. The back of the envelope said, `Open with care and please don't share Ha! HA!,' and then said, `P.S. I loved the roses.' It was so full of mixed signals which is what really confused me. I also really didn't like her abundant use of `someone' when she was talking about falling in love or getting into bed. She mailed the letter on Tuesday and I received it on Wednesday. As soon as I had finished reading, I went straight to work on my answer:
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When I was done I loved the letter! I knew that it would get an emotional rise in her which is exactly what I wanted. I wrote on the outside of the envelope, `What is falling in love?......' straight from the title of her poem!!! I kind of didn't want her to read the letter that I had sent on Monday now that I had gotten hers. Mine was much happier and I wrote that I love her in it only as a salutation, though. I just didn't know if it'd be fitting right now.
Somehow I knew that the next time we talked to each other, we would both me in a much happier mood since we had settled her letter as something that was intended to change nothing in our relationship. She called me yesterday as I was getting ready to walk out the door for Biology Lab. We were indeed both very excited towards each other thank God! She told me that she got my letter and that it was really sweet and she really liked it a lot! I just couldn't remember what I had written because I personally thought it was a pretty sorry letter that didn't really say much important. I was wrong! I did ask her about the fact hat we had agreed not to call each other as much but she said that she just had to hear my voice and talk to me for a little bit! We talked as long as we could until I had to leave. I told her that after my three hour lab I planned on eating and then going out to study for the rest of the evening but I'd try to give her a call back when I got in.
I did and it proved to be very good that I did. She wants me there with her so fucking bad!!! I talked to Cord for a few minutes. She then kept telling me how much she liked my letter and we ended up talking about it. I finally had gone back and read my photocopy of the letter and realized what I had done. There was a bunch of stuff that I felt that I really took a chance saying and knew that she'd either like it or completely hate the fact that I had written it. Everything ended up working beautifully!!!, more so than I ever could have planned! She told me that first of all she really liked what I had written on the outside, `Have you had any good chocolate lately?' She went on to tell me that she thought the second paragraph was pretty funny:
I had hoped that she'd get it right away when she read it since we joke around like that sometimes and she said that she did. We started joking around like that for a few minutes. She then was kind of reluctant to tell me the next thing. She then admitted that when she was reading about my best memory from the weekend, it brought tears to her eyes!!!!! I made her cry!!!!! I was so happy and relieved all at once that I had to brag to everybody soon afterwards. I saved my ass and wasn't even trying to. Damn I'm good! That part of the letter went like this:
That was the main thing I was scared about when I wrote the letter. It was only a whisper and as the days passed I started wondering more and more if it had really happened, or had it just been a sigh or a cough? I told her my fears and she said that she did say it and that was awesome! I never thought I'd get such a reaction out of her, though. Damn I'm glad I did. She also told me that I now have a six page letter on the way as an answer to mine and it's a `happy' one. I told to never write a letter just to try and make me happy and she agreed that she wouldn't they will always be what she is truly feeling or thinking.
Now for the insignificant women. I arranged it so Eva would be my lab partner in biology last night and that proved good. We finally started really talking on the way out about where we are from and all. It was funny because she lives in Beaty Towers!!! and we walked home together. She lives on the ninth floor of the other building. We kept finding all of these similarities between ourselves and it was pretty cool. She's gorgeous and sat there with her perfect breasts bulging out of her shirt all period. Jon asked me the other night if a gorgeous girl presented her to me, if I would have sex with her now that I have Shar¡. I dared not answer his question but thought about it quite a bit sitting there with Eva.
When I got home I found a message from Sarah on the board!!! I called her back and she had called my house in Tampa and got my number. That was awesome!!! It turns out that she'll be in Gainesville tomorrow and wants to come see me!!!
I then completed turning Ashley from a prospect into a friend today. I ran into her outside of Beaty yesterday on the way to lab and she asked me how I was doing. I said horrible and gave her a quick overview of what Shar¡ had said. She asked if I'd bring the letter to biology this morning and she'd be glad to console me. this morning she read it and then read the poem. It was awesome because it made her cry!!! there was this guy named Jason who was vieing for her attention and I got most of it even before the letter! I was so surprised to see the tears and then she told me that it's been forever since Daniel has written her and she doesn't know where their relationship stands any more. We hugged and vowed to support each other. She had twenty minutes to spare after class and I said that I'd sit with her there so that we could continue to console each other. She asked if that was the right word and I changed it to consummate and she laughed. We agreed that it would only make things worse and probably depress ourselves even more. As we were leaving she did say that she'll be here for me and will do anything for me except hold my hand!!!
Ed asked me today who I would choose if Kimmeth came back into my life. I told him Shar¡ but if it had happened up to the Saturday right before school started, it would have been Kim...
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Dan,--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
September 6, "93"
Hello I just got off the phone with you. I had a wonderful time this weekend, even though we didn't get to go out I got to spend time with you. I need to say something that's been on my mind for a while now.......
I've written you two letters now telling you how much I've fallen in love with you and how much I enjoy being with you. But I haven't told you that I'm not ready for any comentment sign hanging over my head right now. Don't get me wrong, I do want to be with you and I do care a great deal about you but we've only known one another for a month and a half or 2 months and I want to take things slow. I don't want to rush into any relationship and then it not work out because we did rush into things. That's what happened to my X boyfriend, we met each other and dated, then committed ourselfs to each other, then moved in with each other all in a period of 3 months and then "bam" we left each other. Which was good because I wouldn't have started talking to you, but anyway do you see what I'm trying to say?? {No!!!, every time I read it my heart throws in a `What the fuck?!?' no!} Since I've met you I've been on two dates and all I kept thinking about was you and how much I've fallen in love with you so that should tell you something. When I've fallen in love with someone that person means alot to me and is special to me. (Like you.) But then when I go on a date with someone else I tell them that all I want is a friend that I can go out and have fun with and them not to expect anything out of it. Like some of the people I go out with down here. What I am trying to say is I do care for you very much, you have touched my heart somewhere where no one has ever touched it except Michael (Cord's father) when I was 14 and that also scared me a little bit. Just knowing the fact that I let someone in that deep..... that's another reason why I want to take things slow because I don't want to loose you or get hurt, and I do have to look out for myself so I don't get hurt again. If any of this bothers you I would really like to know because I do care about what you are thinking and how you feel about things. When ever I have sex with someone that also means something to me, and if it didn't I wouldn't have waited. Like this one time...............
I met this guy, went out twice and then slept with him, and it didn't mean jack shit, then I looked at myself and said you should only do it with people you care for and ever since then I've slept with someone twice and one was you. I don't want to be the kinda person that has sex with every person I go out with anyway. I want it to mean something when I crawl into bed with someone. Well I wrote you a little poem to go with the letter. Hope you like it.
W/B/A/S/A/P
Love, Shari (heart)
Cord says hi "Daddy Dan"
Falling in love
What is falling in love?......
It's as pure as a white dove,
and when your heart says you've fallen in love.
It's when you think of that certain someone night and day,
and wish they didn't have to go away.
It's when he is always in heart in mind,
and is always so very kind.
It's when you look into his baby blues your heart melts away,
and you know that he's hopefully here to stay.
It's when you pick up the phone and hear his voice at the other end,
and know you not only have a lover but a friend.....
That's what it means to me!!!
(Love)(Peace) and (Happiness)
Every time I read the letter nowadays, I pick more and more `good' stuff out of it now that I know what her `true' intentions were when she wrote it. The back of the envelope said, `Open with care and please don't share Ha! HA!,' and then said, `P.S. I loved the roses.' It was so full of mixed signals which is what really confused me. I also really didn't like her abundant use of `someone' when she was talking about falling in love or getting into bed. She mailed the letter on Tuesday and I received it on Wednesday. As soon as I had finished reading, I went straight to work on my answer:
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Shar¡,
September 8, 1993
I think what happened is that your definition of "commitment" and mine varied quite a bit. I feel that a much better word to describe what we're looking at is "relationship." I believe fully that it takes a long time for two people who are together to build the trust and strength to form a true commitment. that looks like it proved true with you and Brandon.
All I know is that I care about you immensely and enjoy spending time with you more than any girl I've ever been with. I just want to continue what we've been doing except I'd love to keep you to myself on the important stuff! I'd really like to hear your views right now out of your own mouth so I think I'll call.......
She was really surprised to hear that I got her letter in just one day. I then told her that I really wanted to talk to her about her letter. What we ended up getting out of the conversation is that the letter wasn't intended to change anything up to what we've built so far. It was designed to express her feelings and I think it was meant to create kind of a roadblock so we don't keep going at too quick of a speed. I interjected telling her that I just want to make sure that we don't go backwards and she said that's not what she wants at all. As soon as I realized what she was saying I started helping her out a lot. I said that basically this was stuff that should have been said long before and included in part in the other letter but wasn't. It snowballed and came out in this letter.
She did agree that this letter should have probably come first or second but now it couldn't wait much longer. I helped her a few more times where she just couldn't find the right words. What she told me is that when she agrees to a commitment, she will devote her entire life to the one person and will never go out with anyone else. She said that because she is trying to get her GED and all that stuff right now she just wouldn't be able to concentrate solely on me right now (or something like that, it sounded better the day I actually heard it). I then basically told her what I had written above and it came out very well. I kept rechecking to make sure that she's still all for our relationship and she is. Now that I look at it, there should never have been any doubt just because of the poem and so forth but I needed the reassurance. I called her letter mean once and she argued that it wasn't meant to be, and then later said that it'll probably be the meanest one I'll ever get from her. She also told me once that I'm not ever going to get a letter or phone call out of the blue with her saying that we're through. I then continued the letter.......
Well, I feel better now about what I wrote up top after talking to you and explaining it to you first. I was just scared from your letter that I might be losing you or that your feelings about me had changed. truthfully I didn't know what to think - I was kind of expecting you to say what you did soon enough, just not right after our weekend together.
As you already know, the main thing in your letter that really got to me was, `...I am not ready for any commitment sign hanging...' I didn't know whether you didn't want any kind of relationship at all any more and just wanted to date down there... I didn't know and it scared the SHIT out of me. that would have killed me.
I know you've had it pretty hard and have been hurt quite often in your life. I just hope you always remember that I'm not those other guys and all I ask for is a chance!
P.S. Hey Cord!!!
Love ya, Dan
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When I was done I loved the letter! I knew that it would get an emotional rise in her which is exactly what I wanted. I wrote on the outside of the envelope, `What is falling in love?......' straight from the title of her poem!!! I kind of didn't want her to read the letter that I had sent on Monday now that I had gotten hers. Mine was much happier and I wrote that I love her in it only as a salutation, though. I just didn't know if it'd be fitting right now.
Somehow I knew that the next time we talked to each other, we would both me in a much happier mood since we had settled her letter as something that was intended to change nothing in our relationship. She called me yesterday as I was getting ready to walk out the door for Biology Lab. We were indeed both very excited towards each other thank God! She told me that she got my letter and that it was really sweet and she really liked it a lot! I just couldn't remember what I had written because I personally thought it was a pretty sorry letter that didn't really say much important. I was wrong! I did ask her about the fact hat we had agreed not to call each other as much but she said that she just had to hear my voice and talk to me for a little bit! We talked as long as we could until I had to leave. I told her that after my three hour lab I planned on eating and then going out to study for the rest of the evening but I'd try to give her a call back when I got in.
I did and it proved to be very good that I did. She wants me there with her so fucking bad!!! I talked to Cord for a few minutes. She then kept telling me how much she liked my letter and we ended up talking about it. I finally had gone back and read my photocopy of the letter and realized what I had done. There was a bunch of stuff that I felt that I really took a chance saying and knew that she'd either like it or completely hate the fact that I had written it. Everything ended up working beautifully!!!, more so than I ever could have planned! She told me that first of all she really liked what I had written on the outside, `Have you had any good chocolate lately?' She went on to tell me that she thought the second paragraph was pretty funny:
So how was your weekend? Mine was really good - my girlfriend came up from the "boonies" and we had a pretty cool time together. I hate to tell YOU this but I've fallen in love with HER so you'll just have to take it easy for a while.(smile)
I had hoped that she'd get it right away when she read it since we joke around like that sometimes and she said that she did. We started joking around like that for a few minutes. She then was kind of reluctant to tell me the next thing. She then admitted that when she was reading about my best memory from the weekend, it brought tears to her eyes!!!!! I made her cry!!!!! I was so happy and relieved all at once that I had to brag to everybody soon afterwards. I saved my ass and wasn't even trying to. Damn I'm good! That part of the letter went like this:
Now for Cord..... I see Cord as being as much a part of you as your own arm or leg. When I tell you that I care about you or love you, it extends to him as well. I fully accept and like the fact that he will always be there as part of the "family" and I hope this helps to erase any doubts you have about my feelings towards him, or you for that matter. I started missing you as I was walking away from the bus station. I then started thinking about and sorting out everything we had done and said over the weekend. One of my best memories was when you whispered, "I love you," to me yesterday morning in bed...
That was the main thing I was scared about when I wrote the letter. It was only a whisper and as the days passed I started wondering more and more if it had really happened, or had it just been a sigh or a cough? I told her my fears and she said that she did say it and that was awesome! I never thought I'd get such a reaction out of her, though. Damn I'm glad I did. She also told me that I now have a six page letter on the way as an answer to mine and it's a `happy' one. I told to never write a letter just to try and make me happy and she agreed that she wouldn't they will always be what she is truly feeling or thinking.
Now for the insignificant women. I arranged it so Eva would be my lab partner in biology last night and that proved good. We finally started really talking on the way out about where we are from and all. It was funny because she lives in Beaty Towers!!! and we walked home together. She lives on the ninth floor of the other building. We kept finding all of these similarities between ourselves and it was pretty cool. She's gorgeous and sat there with her perfect breasts bulging out of her shirt all period. Jon asked me the other night if a gorgeous girl presented her to me, if I would have sex with her now that I have Shar¡. I dared not answer his question but thought about it quite a bit sitting there with Eva.
When I got home I found a message from Sarah on the board!!! I called her back and she had called my house in Tampa and got my number. That was awesome!!! It turns out that she'll be in Gainesville tomorrow and wants to come see me!!!
I then completed turning Ashley from a prospect into a friend today. I ran into her outside of Beaty yesterday on the way to lab and she asked me how I was doing. I said horrible and gave her a quick overview of what Shar¡ had said. She asked if I'd bring the letter to biology this morning and she'd be glad to console me. this morning she read it and then read the poem. It was awesome because it made her cry!!! there was this guy named Jason who was vieing for her attention and I got most of it even before the letter! I was so surprised to see the tears and then she told me that it's been forever since Daniel has written her and she doesn't know where their relationship stands any more. We hugged and vowed to support each other. She had twenty minutes to spare after class and I said that I'd sit with her there so that we could continue to console each other. She asked if that was the right word and I changed it to consummate and she laughed. We agreed that it would only make things worse and probably depress ourselves even more. As we were leaving she did say that she'll be here for me and will do anything for me except hold my hand!!!
Ed asked me today who I would choose if Kimmeth came back into my life. I told him Shar¡ but if it had happened up to the Saturday right before school started, it would have been Kim...
Monday, September 6, 1993
September 6, 1993 - Monday - Shari... I love you!!!!!
I just had what must of been the most wonderful weekend of my life!
It all started shaping Friday morning while I was working out with Ashley. Shar¡ was coming in the evening via Greyhound Bus and I wanted to buy her a present of sorts. I had thought about flowers and was secretly debating in the back of my head how many and of what kinds to get her. I pretty much knew they'd be roses. Jon and I were talking about where to find roses a ta decent price and picked out a few good places. Since Shar¡ proclaimed a hatred towards the Gators when I said I'd buy her a keychain, I pretty much ruled out the tons of stuff offered at the bookstores. Ashley told me to get her flowers, because she personally really likes to get flowers. Ashley was thinking more along the lines of a cheaper bouquet because I didn't tell her the extent of the relationship between me and the `girl who is coming to visit.' She was talking about going home for the weekend to see Daniel and said that she didn't know whether to feel happy or sad or confused. She made it sound like the guy means little to her anymore. This is only the second time she has even mentioned him to me and the other was because she was talking to Laura as well. It was cool knowing the story behind what she was saying to get the full effect of what she was saying and hiding.
I had become kind of doubty again by that time about Shar¡ and my relationship for some reason just because I was in eager anticipation of her letter and always become nervous when such deep yet unknown information is coming. I also didn't know whether or not she'd like flowers that much because they die and go away and I just wasn't sure if she is the flower type. I prayed to find her letter in the box as I walked home from my last class because I really wanted to see it before seeing her. My wishes were answered and I pulled out the envelope from our box. It said, `for your baby blues only,' and I showed that to the guys later and then asked them if they wanted to read it! It was really funny. She then had written, `Smell,' with small arrow pointing to a spot where she had sprayed a bit of her perfume so the letter would smell like her. That was pretty cool and I really liked it. She also have put quotes around the word `LOVE' on the stamp on the front.
The letter went like this:
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Of course I was elated!!! I walked soon afterwards to a florist downtown that was offering a dozen European-wrapped long-stemmed roses for $9.95 with a coupon. That's pretty damn cheap! They were huge and looked gorgeous! I had her put in one yellow rose for friendship and I bought a card. It has and entire paragraph on the front of a shy little cat that says sometimes when someone has very strong feelings for someone but is a little shy, he finds it hard to express the way he or she truly feels... The inside then says, `Nevermind.' I loved it because I used to say that all of the time and thought it was ironically funny. I stopped by the gas station on the walk home and bought her two packs of cigarettes as well.
The traffic along 13th Street on the walk home was moving almost as slow as I was and I kept hearing remarks from the cars full of girls like, `That's sweet!' and so forth. It was really cool. I just really didn't want to run into any girls that I know. Jon was extremely impressed with the deal that I had found and said that I did a damn good job. I stood the roses in water so they wouldn't die any more. I showed them to Roswitha, Ed's girlfriend just so he'd fell even shittier about not ever getting her any. I ended up talking to Laura for a little while and told her what Ashley hasn't said to me about Daniel. She thought it was unbelievable and it was pretty funny.
At 9;30, Chris and I drove to pick up Shar¡ at the bus station. The place is in the black part of town and is pretty scary at night. We saw some prostitutes walking around on the way there and laughed about them. When we pulled into the parking lot I could see Shar¡ standing there by herself amidst all of the blacks. Chris instantly picked her out and we went and said hello. We checked her bag out and I carried it to the car and got in the back seat letting her ride shotgun. We talked on the way home about her trip and everything else. She met Jon when we got back to the room. Chris had gotten in touch with Dave and Hector and there was talk of a trip to Tampa to go clubbing. I joked to Shar¡ that we were going back to Tampa for the night right after she got here. His plans fell through, though and he and Jon decided to go to this reggae party that they had heard about. It was anything but appealing and we decided not to go along.
Jon kept telling Chris that he should sleep in Ed's bed when they get back. He didn't like the idea at first but said he would if Jon would shut up about it. That was really cool after he decided not to head to Jacksonville until Sunday morning. Shar¡ took a smoke break every once in a while and we would go downstairs to do so. The second time we walked down past the swimming pool before coming back. I fixed a big plate of French fries that she fed to me with tons of ketchup. We talked a lot about eating habits which was pretty funny. We have both told each other that we don't really like touching feet, but after pulling off our shoes I gave her an awesome foot massage that she really enjoyed! I figured what the hell since she's caused me to realize that there are so many things that can and should be enjoyed that I dislike so why not give it a try?
We also took a long time looking at the new set of pictures and talking about her new letter a little bit. She admitted that almost he entire roll came out awesome and she took about six more that I had saved for her to get when she came up. She showed me how she has cut the other six to fit in her wallet and it actually looks pretty good. She said that she was sitting next to this old guy on the trip up and she showed him all of the pictures of us. It was pretty cute. The neighbors wandered over every once in a while and Leigh Anne introduced herself to Shar¡. They wandered over periodically all weekend which accounted for some rather weird events. The big one came over once while I was standing in the bathroom and Shar¡ was in the kitchen. Shar¡ yelled for her to come in and she just stuck her head through the door and asked me what high school I went to. I told her and she was gone as quick as she had appeared. I kept a completely normal face like that was a normal event and went back into the bathroom.
It had been at least two hours since the guys had left and we had only taken off our shoes. I laughed to myself about how disappointed Chris would be if we were still dressed and sitting in the same place when they had left us alone to ourselves so generously. But that wasn't meant to be. We were both kind of tired and cold so we went into the bedroom and she hopped up into my bed and got under the covers. I kind of just stood there leaning my arms and head on the bed. I did that quite often over the weekend and she would always start laughing in disbelief that I am so tall that I can stand at a bunked bed and lean on it the way I was! I turned out the lights and shut he door before hopping up into the bed. She told me a story on the phone once last week about a camp she went to once and how she was terrified of sleeping on the top bunk. Thus she got the wall. She kept half-joking that we were going to fall off of that little bed but I knew that I wouldn't because I have a really good sense of balance, even asleep.
We started kissing and started caressing each other. We started to undress each other and were holding each other tight. It feels so good to feel her skin to skin and to hug affectionately the way we do.
[Big Snip!]
She told me that she's really glad that we met in a very truthful voice. I ended up by the wall and asked her if she wanted to switch even though we had just arranged the covers. She thought about it for a few seconds and then said a definite yes and we did. It was cute. We slept really good all night. I remember waking up once to see Chris asking me if I wanted him to sleep in the other room or not. I was still half asleep and didn't really know what he was saying so I said yes and effectively sent him away. I woke up at eight and she would wake up every twenty minutes and would fall asleep after we would talk for a few. She was laying on me once and told me that I look really cute in the morning. She took a picture of me laying there when she got up to pee and I took one of her running around in a sheet.
We got up towards eleven and I cooked her French toast for breakfast. It came out rather well thankfully. We took a walk downstairs in our pajamas so that she could smoke which was cool because anybody that saw us knew that we screwed because we looked fresh out of bed. We got back in the elevator with a girl and her mom and dad which was kind of funny. It's stereotypical college and probably filled there minds with doubts about the whole idea.
We then took our first shower together which was cool. She likes the water boiling hot!!! which kind of sucks but I got more than used to it by this morning. I stayed in after she got out and cooled down for a few minutes. We then got ready to go out for a while. We planned on going to McDonalds for lunch and just walking around on campus. She was fooled by the cold air in the room and put on too many clothes. We made it as far as the pool before coming back so Shar¡ could put on her bikini top. She had accidentally pulled the cord out of one of the cups and asked if I could get it back in. I used a pen and rethreaded it. I felt great to be useful and I was really glad that I was able to fix it for her. Ed's parents showed up while she was getting ready and I introduced them all. I know they looked down on her because she looked trampy and I just laughed to myself. I wanted to head out before they asked me to help them put the bar together. Shar¡ did tell Ed's mom all excitedly about the roses and showed them to her. That made me feel really good. We then left and first walked to Eckerds so she could get a hair tie and a lighter. This is the first time she has ever worn her hair up and liked it because the tie was bigger and matched her bathing suit. It was cool because Cindy Bush was walking around in Eckerds and had to have see me with Shar¡.
We then went to eat and each had a hamburger, fries, and a drink. Shar¡ asked how their banana milkshakes taste and they actually gave us a kid size sample. It tasted like melted banana pudding pops like the ones I ate in the hospital back when I had surgery. It was pretty nasty. We talked and joked around quite a bit with each other before finally heading out. We decide to walk down University Avenue to check out all of the stores and all of the stuff going on because it was a game day. She has been looking for a pair of sunglasses forever and said that she brought money and was determined to buy a pair up here. She had looked at Busch Gardens and I found something wrong with all of them. We looked in all of the shops and finally found a good pair in one of the bookstores. She wanted to walk back and get money and I decided that we'd come back right before going to the football game.
We kept looking in all of the stores and kept seeing people wearing these cool little facial stickers that were either Gators or said Gators. They were pretty cool and we looked until we found some. After a while we headed home and hung out for a while until Ed and his parents finally left to go get groceries. His mom asked if I wanted anything and I remember Shar¡ asking me if I had any deli meat. I asked her what she wanted and asked them for a pound of ham. Once everybody was gone we made out for a little bit and then put our stickers on. You have to use a damp cloth and hold it there for a while to get the thing off of the paper and onto your face. She applied one to my cheek first and then I did one on her. I told her it would look cool if there was one right between her boobs on the line her bikini makes. I pulled the fronts apart a little and applied one there.
They had been giving out these round orange stickers about two inches across out in front of the bookstores that said Gators and advertised their store. We put one on each tit like they were bright orange nipples. It was pretty funny but she didn't want to wear it out in public. We did take pictures of each other, though. We headed back out to the stores a while later and bought her glasses. We then walked to Burger King and ordered a chicken sandwich and a couple of chocolate milkshakes. We split the sandwich which was really good and talked about all of the people that were walking by. I was glad to see her getting in the spirit of the game by wearing the stickers and all. We headed over towards the beginning of the game and headed in. Ed and Roswitha had gotten our tickets in a block and Chris had shown up with one the night before. I used it to get Shar¡ through the main gate and then we just snuck past the usher and sat in seats next to each other. The others showed up soon afterwards and we watched the game.
It was pretty cool but exceedingly long and we left at the end of the third quarter with the score being 44 to 6 in our favor. Shar¡ and I walked behind everybody else and talked and hung on each other. When we got back to the room we ate and tried to figure out what to do for the night. I kind of wanted to be trapped in the room with Shar¡ all night and hoed they'd decide to do something stupid. One of the idiots mentioned Monopoly and Shar¡ joked that we should play Trivial Pursuit thinking back to that night at Wayne's apartment. Someone heard her and I offered my set to them figuring it would keep them busy and tire them out. We still kept on the notion that we'd either go to a party or dancing afterwards so Shar¡ and I slowly got ready.
While the others were in Jon and Ed's room we went and took a shower together. We listened to music on the radio the whole time off of a tape I had recorded just for the weekend. It had some dance stuff, rock, and reggae on it. We had been drinking beer while we were walking around and I carried mine downstairs in my bicycle water jug when she wanted to smoke. I wanted to just sit down for a while and talk to her but she kept running around. I know now that I should have said something. She went into the game room once and I went into mine and laid my arms and head down on my bed to rest. I was determined to wait until she came and got me. I heard when she came in the room and she then sat down on the chair. I almost lifted my head once but didn't. She finally through a lighter at me and laughed as she asked me what I was doing and said that she had been sitting there for five minutes just watching me.
When the time came around to go out once their game was over, Ed and Roswitha quickly split over to her house. Jon went to sleep and Chris was debating whether or not to go out. We sat there talking for a long ass time until he finally decided that since he was leaving for Jacksonville in the morning, he needed to go to sleep and headed off to Ed's bed. I was almost in the mood to go to a party by then but oh well. We peeled our shoes back off and I rubbed her feet a little. She then went and climbed in bed and asked for a plate of French fries. I joked to myself that we have to get our energy from something before sex, so why not let it be fries again? I went back out and started a batch and then came back in the room and talked to her while they got ready. We ate them and drank Pepsi up in my bed. I was already stripped down to just my Gator boxers which I really like now.
After we finished I killed the lights, turned on the fan, and climbed in bed. Chris was still up reading a book in the other room but he had already gotten his pillow and all which is cool. I massaged her back for a long while rubbing the tips of my fingers ever so lightly over every exposed inch of her back and shoulders. I try to imagine how I would enjoy the massage myself and in turn do that to her. I also like to slide my finger along the upper line of her shorts and where her skin touches me or the bed. It feels really good to her. She always wants me to do it more and I am more than happy to. She told me once to think of all the times I'll have to rub her back when we're living together and I corrected her saying how many times I'll GET to rub her back.
I also love how easy it is to get her out of her clothes. She knows how to move perfectly to make it really easy to get them off even when she's under you. She then told me to do her stomach and I massaged from there up around and onto her tits, down her arms, and along her shoulders and neck. I also have a massage where I'll move so lightly that it tickles over a small region and then I'll press my entire hand over the area to calm it down, I then keep continuing all over in a flowing fucking motion with my hand. That had to have felt good. We started making out and rubbing our hands all over each other.
[Big Snip!]
She looked at me and whispered, `That was awesome!' with this just-fucked smile on her face. That meant a lot. She wanted to take a cigarette break even though it was after three in the morning so we put on some clothes and headed downstairs. I only wore my boxers and there would have been no guessing to what we were doing. It was pretty bright in the hallways after coming out of the dark. Shar¡ smoked two cigarettes straight and we laughed about that. We worked our way back upstairs and had some Pepsi before going to bed.
I woke up earlier than she did and decided to go take a shower and brush my teeth before she woke up. When I came back she rolled over to see me about ready to hop into bed. She asked me what I was doing down there and I surprised her when I said that I had been out of bed for half an hour. She said that she didn't even feel me get out. I had been extra careful that she didn't. She really likes to lay on my bare chest with her face and just enjoy me while she's waking up. She got up once when we heard Chris and Jon in the other room to pee. She came back and we started making out and got to the point where we were completely undressed except for her pajama shorts. She kept asking if I was going to get up and make her breakfast and let her take a shower when we would stop for a few seconds and I really didn't want to start screwing if she wanted to get up soon.
It was already lunchtime and I showed her the big tray of fettucini in the freezer so I made that along with ham sandwiches and French fries. It came out really good and she memorized the box so she could get it at home. That was a really cool meal. We decided to go play pool downstairs soon afterwards and she put on her convenient zipper outfit. While she was getting ready we were talking about images and she said that she knows people think she's a tramp because of the stuff she wears. She said she's not at all, it's just the way she dresses nd it's not fair. I told her that I was spared of that first impression when I met her because she was wearing what half of the girls wear to Busch Gardens and she agreed. She did say that a couple of girls had looked at her funnily because of her outfit. I did admit that my first attraction to her was physical just because of the situation we were in. We had only seen each other and I liked what I saw. There was nothing else at that time to base my opinion on until I did meet her and get to actually talk to her.
She looked really good as we went downstairs and ordered the pool equipment. I took my two new sticks and borrowed one of theirs to break with. It turns out that we are almost exactly matched as players which is really cool. I was so glad that after all summer of no playing, I was getting in some pretty damn good shots. So was she and we split the games evenly. We almost always ended up with the loser only having one or two balls left on the table. I really enjoyed playing with her.
When we started walking back upstairs we saw Ed and Roswitha sitting on a bench waiting for a pizza. I asked to borrow Ed's old bike because she wanted to go to Lake Alice via bicycle. He said yes and we went upstairs so that she could change her clothes. She put on her bike shorts and T-shirt that she had worn up on the bus. While she was getting ready I pulled out my award book and let her look at it for a second. After she had looked at the first one I moved to pull it away just in case it didn't interest her but it did and she wanted to read every one. She told me that she has a lot of awards from little school and said that she did really well when she actually went. She was really surprised to find out that I went to Potter because she did, too. I think if she would have actually been motivated in school she is smart enough that she could have kicked ass all over the place. She is really logic smart and it all pertains to the real world in her case which is probably why I enjoy talking with her so much.
I let her use my bike just in case Ed's were to fall apart. We rode down to the park and then along the boardwalks for a while. We then rode to the grassy edge of the lake and found a secluded spot under some trees to lay out a towel and just relax by the edge of the. She laid perpendicular to me and put her head against my legs. It was really peaceful and she said that she really likes it in Gainesville but only as a place to visit, not to live, and I fully agree.
She asked me once if when I read a letter from her, do I actually hear her voice as I read it. I told her to not say anymore and I pulled a flashback in my head to remember if I did or not when I got her letter on Friday. I realized that I do and told her so. She seemed really interested in that which was kind of funny. She finally said that we need to start heading back so before she gets so relaxed that she doesn't want to make the trip back. We did and took a quick look at Fraternity Row and stopped by the ATM in the Reitz Union. When we got back we looked through my photo album and at some of my yearbooks. She told me that her dad said that he likes me so much because I am rally smart and have goals yet I don't act all stuck up like I don't want to associate with normal people. I then showed Shar¡ some of my signatures in my yearbook like the one from Andrea where she called me a cocky asshole. It was kind of funny.
She really wanted to read my little planner because she knows that I write down the stuff that I do in it. I was reluctant to to do so but did show her a few weeks worth including the time she was in the hospital. I also showed her my computer journal. She told me that she used to write a journal on a computer that belonged to someone in Michael's family until they one day figured out her password and read it. She then found Chris' erotic porno cards on the table and was looking at them. She told me that she doesn't see what's so erotic about a chic sucking a guys dick and I said how unfortunate. When she got to the ones with two girls she got disgusted and made some cute noises to go along with it like the ones high school girls would make if you'd say something perverted. It was kind of cool to know that she isn't as sexual as she makes out to be.
We decided to walk to Burger King for dinner even though it was after dark. Ed, Roswitha, and Jon had all been in the room and Ed brought up this thing he had read about chocolate having the same endomorphines that your body produces when you have sex. That led to a really interesting conversation for Shar¡ and I. We had this coupon to get a free chicken sandwich with a whopper and I then ordered a drink and fries and a CHOCOLATE shake for her. the guy taking our order sounded like he was stoned and the other fat black guy had a Jamaican woman's voice. The whole place seemed nutty and I wondered if we had somehow gotten stoned.
We had a really good dinner. We talked about abortion again and she told me that she could never have an abortion. She also said that she would never put a kid up for adoption either because you become attached when carrying a baby around for nine months. She asked me if I saw.. and I knew instantly what she was talking about and interrupted her about the teenage guy trying to get his baby back from a family in Tampa after his girlfriend put it up for adoption. Shar¡ thought it was cool that I knew what she was talking about. She also said that it pisses her off that some girls use abortion as a means of contraception and so forth. We then started talking about her being pissed off. We have never had an argument and she told me that she hopes I never have to see her truly pissed off because she gets violent and starts throwing things. She said that she had to learn to defend herself with Michael after he gave her a black eye when she was six months pregnant with Cord!
We (actually I) have been creating a little fantasy world all weekend where we would escape to. It consists of a little hut out in Jamaica modeled after Kimmeth and my dreams. We have Shar¡'s jeep to go driving through the mountains and the three of us are all there with our awesome tans and so forth. I'd add something to the scene every time one of us would bring up a dream about the future. After she was talking about being pissed I told her that we'd have to dig a big hole out next to her jeep and fill it full of pillows and beach balls and soft stuff of the sort for her to throw tantrums in when she gets pissed. I then said that we'd call it the Nut Pit and we both started laughing really hard. It was pretty funny. She was also talking about guys in general and said that 95% of them are uncaring and are just out for sex and so on. I then fought back saying that 95% of women believe that falsity and it really hurts those of us that are genuinely nice!!! It worked out pretty coolly.
I then just stared at her once and when she asked me what I was thinking I told her that I enjoy watching her drink her sex! We then were making all kinds of perverted little jokes about liquid sex and all. I then brought up Jon's and my talk about fantasies and told her my main ones. I told her about the classroom one in GPA as we walked by hoping she's say let's go. After last night's talk I'd say let's go next time. I mentioned the beach and then we were talking about having sex in a nice warm rainstorm. I confronted her with the problem that the girl might start choking as the rain went up her nose and she started laughing really hard. It was pretty funny. She was still carrying her milkshake and when she finally finished, I asked her if she wanted to cuddle. We were almost outside of Beaty and she asked why? and I told her that she just finished having sex!!!
When we got home we went and took a shower pretty soon afterwards. We slicked up and held each other tight. It felt pretty good. She got out first so that I could cool down for a few minutes. When I came into the room she was in bed wearing her baseball pajama top and her leopard thong underwear. I put on my boxers and hopped into bed. She joked that she wanted French fries but I quickly curbed her desire. We kissed and then she asked if I'd rub her back. I intended on a full body massage this time and pulled off her shirt and underwear. I pulled the soft tickle over her entire back half. I worked down over her butt and legs which she had bent at the knees towards me to make the reach easier. I traced ever crease in her skin including the one between her butt and back thigh right down between her legs. That's the really sensitive one especially on the front.
After going over her twice, I rolled her over and went to work on the front. She was extremely relaxed and turned on at the same time as I then moved up to her face and touched and tickled the whole thing. As I pulled my fingers away ever so slightly moving them in a slight circle almost to signify and end to the `massage' I leant over with her eyes still closed and kissed her softly. We then took each other in our arms and started kissing very passionately.
[Snip]
This time I was determined to get at least part of a massage and she obliged. She did make fun of my whit butt as I was lying there because it `glowed' so brightly even in the night. She had me roll over and after massaging my front she ended up with my dick in her hand and was kissing my nipples and licking them the same way I had done her just a little while earlier. She then came back up and started kissing me. She stopped after a bit and looked at me and I told her that she didn't have to stop. She asked if I wanted her to keep on what she was doing or to carry it further. I told her to carry it further and if she runs out of ideas she can always draw a card. It took her a second but then she started laughing. She then got a little serious and said that she draws the line at sucking a guy's dick and wanted to set that straight. It was cute although once again I'll be deprived of one of the few things I've never had done to me.
She then got on top again and I asked her if she wanted to be and she said yes. We then had the best sex of the weekend and the best sex of my life!!!
[Snip!]
I told her once that I never knew that slow sex could be so good and she really liked that. When we finished almost two hours later!!! We just lay there holding each other tight and then started talking. I asked her if I was better than the milkshake and she said definitely. We then were trying to pull stuff out of each other's heads. She then asked me if I have trouble expressing my emotions. I admitted that I am still a little shy for she had ready my gifted psychological report from 5th grade in my yearbook. Not only did Linda Horowitz say that I have very pretty eyes and long eyelashes but also that I am shy and have trouble answering questions if I am unsure of my response. I thought it would possibly be beneficial to let Shar¡ see that.
We then started talking about sex. She asked me if I talk about sex easier than my feelings and I said that we'd have to find out. I just opened up and we both essentially spilt our guts. She told me about liking to have sex for up to four hours at a time and likes to take it slow. She asked me how long I can go and asked if I should rest for say half an hour and then get back into it. I asked what time it was and then said yes I could because it had been half an hour! I said that I'd be more than willing to accommodate her lengthy desires as long as she wants to take it upon herself to take the top for a majority of the time.
She asked me how many girls I've slept with and I said two. She asked if she was the third and a million thought raced through my head during that instance. Should I tell her yes so that she won't think i'm too unexperienced or tell her the truth so I won't have to lie to her for the rest of my life? That answered my question and I said no, that she was my second. She really seemed to like that fact! I told her that I could tell her when as well and she wanted to know. I said December 28, 1993 and she exclaimed (and reminded me) that it's been nine months!!! I told her that relationship ended when her boyfriend found out and she really started laughing about that. She told me that she has been with four or five guys which was happily low on my pessimistic expectation scale. She told me that she's sorry to bring him up but she never really enjoyed having sex with Michael because he would put it in, satisfy himself, and then be about his merry business. She said that she refused to have sex with him at all the third time he came back. She told me that she really enjoys having sex and needs the affection.
She then asked me if I'm daring. I told her that I'd take her out in the pit right now and have sex with her. She was taken back a little and said that she guesses I am and then we started talking about sexual positions. She asked me what all I've tried. I said at the beach, on a park bench, on top underneath, and sitting up. She kind of got embarrassed to ask this but I made her spit it out: she asked me if I ever wanted to try it doggy style and I said yes. She told me both ways to do it, one with the girl on all fours and the other with her standing against the wall. We agreed to try it. I said that it sucks that we won't have a chance this time to try my GPA fantasy to which she said that I should have said something earlier and that there will be a next time! She then told me about all of the places she's had sex from a boat to an elevator to the table, sink, beach, shower, pool, and more. It doesn't bother me because hopefully this was mainly with Michael, her husband. We said that we'll have to start trying things.
She then asked me If I have a certain time of the day when I like sex. I laughed and told her that since I haven't been married I haven't had the opportunities to have sex around the clock. She liked that and we essentially said that we'd have to change that. She did say that she was trying to get me aroused this morning and I complained that I was but she kept saying she wanted to get up soon. She then told me that she puts sex before eating, sleeping, and almost anything else! We let it rest and I knew that I wouldn't let her get away in the morning without making love. I did admit to her that after sex I always get hungry. She kind of liked that and said that I could get something while she smoked so I had to go downstairs with her. She bought some Zingers and I got a Zero bar. She has never seen them before and as I pulled it out I told her that it's my prejudice candy bar because it's all white. It was pretty funny. We ate in my bed and then talked and cuddled a little more before going to sleep. I was wide awake and told her so but oh well.
I woke up early again and took a warm shower to defrost and to brush my teeth. I then slowly and gently woke her up. Once she had, she pulled off my shirt and laid on my warmth. I started rubbing her back with my hands and extending them down into her underwear. We finally started going and she was rather kissy all over my neck, chest, and mouth. I licked her all over and then went down on her. I then moved back up and started kissing her and before long I was in her. I didn't last very long but never let her know the difference as I kept on going rather quickly inside her. We had no regards for anybody else in the other room at all. I slowed down for her for a little while until I got tired. I then slowed down and started kissing her. I eventually stopped and we smiled and looked at each other. I then told her that it's half time, we have to switch courts!!! and she started cracking up. It was really funny and she was more than happy to hop up on top! We then kept going for quite a while until we finally just held each other for our cool off period. She whispered, `I love you!!!' to me very softly and I said it back to her instantly! That was awesome! I though I had heard her say it once towards my ear last night but I wasn't sure. She also called me sexy to my face while we were lying there.
We eventually got up and I cooked her a French toast breakfast while she ran downstairs to smoke a cigarette. She fed me a few bites of her food but I ate the leftover fettucini mainly. We were kind of worried about finding her a ride to the bus station by 2:30 and I was ready to call a cab. I did tell her that Ed didn't have his bookbag and would start feeling guilty after a while and should walk in. A few minutes later he did and said that he would drive us over. I was pretty happy. We then went and laid down in bed with her on top of me for quite a while just holding each other tightly and kissing. it was our physical way of saying goodbye. We then got up and took our last shower together for the weekend even though I just had one a little while earlier. She used a washcloth and washed me down with soap and I insisted that we hold each other all slimy. I thought it felt rather interesting and didn't want to let go.
We started kissing and moved into the stream of water to rinse off. She then pulled both of our heads under the water. it didn't bother me at all and I kept kissing her just as good as before but she started laughing saying that it felt weird. We then kept going for a little bit longer before getting out. I just realized that I almost forgot her best kiss! The other night she just came out with her tongue and pointed it, licking my lips and my teeth and my tongue as well. It felt awesome, almost like what she should be doing if she were giving a blow job. I told her that I really liked it when she first did it and we keep doing it all of the time now. We'll even run our tongues all over each others without our lips touching at all. It's pretty cool.
I also told her once on the phone last week that I miss her kiss. It did sound kind of corny and I didn't know how she took it after she didn't say anything about it. She was kissing me in bed once and she popped out with, `I'll miss your kiss, too!' which meant that she had listened and remembered and thought about what I had said! I liked that. We then quickly packed her stuff and met Ed downstairs. I had him leave us at the bus station and thanked him telling him that I'd walk home but if I didn't make it by seven to call the cops! Shar¡ said the same thing at the same time and we laughed. She was all excited that her roses lived as well as they did because she really wanted to take them home and show them off. That's really cool, too. We sat on a bench outside at the station and talked and kissed for our last half hour and she told me again how much she really wishes I was coming home now with her. When the bus came she boarded and I headed home.
I had a while to think on the way home. One of the best things about our relationship is our compatibility. We get along perfectly, we play pool the same, we have plenty of the same tastes, and from what I've seen, heard, and felt - we get along very well sexually. We have the potential for an awesome relationship that I hope will continue to grow to ultimate proportions.
It all started shaping Friday morning while I was working out with Ashley. Shar¡ was coming in the evening via Greyhound Bus and I wanted to buy her a present of sorts. I had thought about flowers and was secretly debating in the back of my head how many and of what kinds to get her. I pretty much knew they'd be roses. Jon and I were talking about where to find roses a ta decent price and picked out a few good places. Since Shar¡ proclaimed a hatred towards the Gators when I said I'd buy her a keychain, I pretty much ruled out the tons of stuff offered at the bookstores. Ashley told me to get her flowers, because she personally really likes to get flowers. Ashley was thinking more along the lines of a cheaper bouquet because I didn't tell her the extent of the relationship between me and the `girl who is coming to visit.' She was talking about going home for the weekend to see Daniel and said that she didn't know whether to feel happy or sad or confused. She made it sound like the guy means little to her anymore. This is only the second time she has even mentioned him to me and the other was because she was talking to Laura as well. It was cool knowing the story behind what she was saying to get the full effect of what she was saying and hiding.
I had become kind of doubty again by that time about Shar¡ and my relationship for some reason just because I was in eager anticipation of her letter and always become nervous when such deep yet unknown information is coming. I also didn't know whether or not she'd like flowers that much because they die and go away and I just wasn't sure if she is the flower type. I prayed to find her letter in the box as I walked home from my last class because I really wanted to see it before seeing her. My wishes were answered and I pulled out the envelope from our box. It said, `for your baby blues only,' and I showed that to the guys later and then asked them if they wanted to read it! It was really funny. She then had written, `Smell,' with small arrow pointing to a spot where she had sprayed a bit of her perfume so the letter would smell like her. That was pretty cool and I really liked it. She also have put quotes around the word `LOVE' on the stamp on the front.
The letter went like this:
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* Love Ya Georgious *
Dan, August 30, 93
Hey I just got your letter and I read it over and over again. I am glad every one knows about me up there so if they ever see you with anyone else they can say hey what about "Shar¡." But I don't think you would want anyone else but me. I am happy that you are "in-love" or are you? Because I know I am, more than words can say. I was also scared to show or tell you how I really felt, but then I said well if I don't then you would never know. Now that I got your letter and know how you feel.... I am glad that I did give you that letter - "I ment every word of it." At first I didn't want any real commitments but then I realized how much I cared for you when you left and how much I enjoyed you being here while you were here. I also noticed how you and Cord got along and how much he enjoyed you. Then I realized that you are the first person that wasn't out for just my body, you were also interested in me. Then my heart said, "wait a minute, you haven't felt this way in a long time so you better speak up and say something." And my mind said, "he's not only interested in you, but you're little one to, and you're not going to find to many guys out there like that." I really don't want to find another one, I am satisfied with the one I have. Are you sure you can deal with an all ready made family??? I just don't want to let my guard down and get closer to you and then you say wait a minute I am not ready for someone that has a little kid already. As far as forgetting about you, "There's no way in HELL," I have 6 photos of you in my wallet, and you're ring, and most of all you are in my heart and mind every minute of every day. Every time I think about you I get a picture and look at it for hours. I sit there and think I wish I could be there with you to hold you and kiss you, give you the affectionate a dud needs. It really ment alot to me that you were there when I was in the hospital because that was when I needed somebody and it was Daddy Dan that cared enough to come see me and be with me almost every day. You mean alot to me and Cord even though Cord doesn't really know how to tell you, but I can tell because before he gets off the phone with you he gives kisses and says oud you ("Love You") and you are the only person he does that to every time. BEsides my mother but she's his granny. Well I can't wait until this weekend. I am coming up there with or without Cord just as long as I get to come and see you. I really miss you lots and can't wait to see ya. And by the way you are right about the potential thing.
Bye sexy!!!
Love Shar¡ (heart)
P.S. I am not going to say write me because hopefully I'll be up there FRIDAY.
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Of course I was elated!!! I walked soon afterwards to a florist downtown that was offering a dozen European-wrapped long-stemmed roses for $9.95 with a coupon. That's pretty damn cheap! They were huge and looked gorgeous! I had her put in one yellow rose for friendship and I bought a card. It has and entire paragraph on the front of a shy little cat that says sometimes when someone has very strong feelings for someone but is a little shy, he finds it hard to express the way he or she truly feels... The inside then says, `Nevermind.' I loved it because I used to say that all of the time and thought it was ironically funny. I stopped by the gas station on the walk home and bought her two packs of cigarettes as well.
The traffic along 13th Street on the walk home was moving almost as slow as I was and I kept hearing remarks from the cars full of girls like, `That's sweet!' and so forth. It was really cool. I just really didn't want to run into any girls that I know. Jon was extremely impressed with the deal that I had found and said that I did a damn good job. I stood the roses in water so they wouldn't die any more. I showed them to Roswitha, Ed's girlfriend just so he'd fell even shittier about not ever getting her any. I ended up talking to Laura for a little while and told her what Ashley hasn't said to me about Daniel. She thought it was unbelievable and it was pretty funny.
At 9;30, Chris and I drove to pick up Shar¡ at the bus station. The place is in the black part of town and is pretty scary at night. We saw some prostitutes walking around on the way there and laughed about them. When we pulled into the parking lot I could see Shar¡ standing there by herself amidst all of the blacks. Chris instantly picked her out and we went and said hello. We checked her bag out and I carried it to the car and got in the back seat letting her ride shotgun. We talked on the way home about her trip and everything else. She met Jon when we got back to the room. Chris had gotten in touch with Dave and Hector and there was talk of a trip to Tampa to go clubbing. I joked to Shar¡ that we were going back to Tampa for the night right after she got here. His plans fell through, though and he and Jon decided to go to this reggae party that they had heard about. It was anything but appealing and we decided not to go along.
Jon kept telling Chris that he should sleep in Ed's bed when they get back. He didn't like the idea at first but said he would if Jon would shut up about it. That was really cool after he decided not to head to Jacksonville until Sunday morning. Shar¡ took a smoke break every once in a while and we would go downstairs to do so. The second time we walked down past the swimming pool before coming back. I fixed a big plate of French fries that she fed to me with tons of ketchup. We talked a lot about eating habits which was pretty funny. We have both told each other that we don't really like touching feet, but after pulling off our shoes I gave her an awesome foot massage that she really enjoyed! I figured what the hell since she's caused me to realize that there are so many things that can and should be enjoyed that I dislike so why not give it a try?
We also took a long time looking at the new set of pictures and talking about her new letter a little bit. She admitted that almost he entire roll came out awesome and she took about six more that I had saved for her to get when she came up. She showed me how she has cut the other six to fit in her wallet and it actually looks pretty good. She said that she was sitting next to this old guy on the trip up and she showed him all of the pictures of us. It was pretty cute. The neighbors wandered over every once in a while and Leigh Anne introduced herself to Shar¡. They wandered over periodically all weekend which accounted for some rather weird events. The big one came over once while I was standing in the bathroom and Shar¡ was in the kitchen. Shar¡ yelled for her to come in and she just stuck her head through the door and asked me what high school I went to. I told her and she was gone as quick as she had appeared. I kept a completely normal face like that was a normal event and went back into the bathroom.
It had been at least two hours since the guys had left and we had only taken off our shoes. I laughed to myself about how disappointed Chris would be if we were still dressed and sitting in the same place when they had left us alone to ourselves so generously. But that wasn't meant to be. We were both kind of tired and cold so we went into the bedroom and she hopped up into my bed and got under the covers. I kind of just stood there leaning my arms and head on the bed. I did that quite often over the weekend and she would always start laughing in disbelief that I am so tall that I can stand at a bunked bed and lean on it the way I was! I turned out the lights and shut he door before hopping up into the bed. She told me a story on the phone once last week about a camp she went to once and how she was terrified of sleeping on the top bunk. Thus she got the wall. She kept half-joking that we were going to fall off of that little bed but I knew that I wouldn't because I have a really good sense of balance, even asleep.
We started kissing and started caressing each other. We started to undress each other and were holding each other tight. It feels so good to feel her skin to skin and to hug affectionately the way we do.
[Big Snip!]
She told me that she's really glad that we met in a very truthful voice. I ended up by the wall and asked her if she wanted to switch even though we had just arranged the covers. She thought about it for a few seconds and then said a definite yes and we did. It was cute. We slept really good all night. I remember waking up once to see Chris asking me if I wanted him to sleep in the other room or not. I was still half asleep and didn't really know what he was saying so I said yes and effectively sent him away. I woke up at eight and she would wake up every twenty minutes and would fall asleep after we would talk for a few. She was laying on me once and told me that I look really cute in the morning. She took a picture of me laying there when she got up to pee and I took one of her running around in a sheet.
We got up towards eleven and I cooked her French toast for breakfast. It came out rather well thankfully. We took a walk downstairs in our pajamas so that she could smoke which was cool because anybody that saw us knew that we screwed because we looked fresh out of bed. We got back in the elevator with a girl and her mom and dad which was kind of funny. It's stereotypical college and probably filled there minds with doubts about the whole idea.
We then took our first shower together which was cool. She likes the water boiling hot!!! which kind of sucks but I got more than used to it by this morning. I stayed in after she got out and cooled down for a few minutes. We then got ready to go out for a while. We planned on going to McDonalds for lunch and just walking around on campus. She was fooled by the cold air in the room and put on too many clothes. We made it as far as the pool before coming back so Shar¡ could put on her bikini top. She had accidentally pulled the cord out of one of the cups and asked if I could get it back in. I used a pen and rethreaded it. I felt great to be useful and I was really glad that I was able to fix it for her. Ed's parents showed up while she was getting ready and I introduced them all. I know they looked down on her because she looked trampy and I just laughed to myself. I wanted to head out before they asked me to help them put the bar together. Shar¡ did tell Ed's mom all excitedly about the roses and showed them to her. That made me feel really good. We then left and first walked to Eckerds so she could get a hair tie and a lighter. This is the first time she has ever worn her hair up and liked it because the tie was bigger and matched her bathing suit. It was cool because Cindy Bush was walking around in Eckerds and had to have see me with Shar¡.
We then went to eat and each had a hamburger, fries, and a drink. Shar¡ asked how their banana milkshakes taste and they actually gave us a kid size sample. It tasted like melted banana pudding pops like the ones I ate in the hospital back when I had surgery. It was pretty nasty. We talked and joked around quite a bit with each other before finally heading out. We decide to walk down University Avenue to check out all of the stores and all of the stuff going on because it was a game day. She has been looking for a pair of sunglasses forever and said that she brought money and was determined to buy a pair up here. She had looked at Busch Gardens and I found something wrong with all of them. We looked in all of the shops and finally found a good pair in one of the bookstores. She wanted to walk back and get money and I decided that we'd come back right before going to the football game.
We kept looking in all of the stores and kept seeing people wearing these cool little facial stickers that were either Gators or said Gators. They were pretty cool and we looked until we found some. After a while we headed home and hung out for a while until Ed and his parents finally left to go get groceries. His mom asked if I wanted anything and I remember Shar¡ asking me if I had any deli meat. I asked her what she wanted and asked them for a pound of ham. Once everybody was gone we made out for a little bit and then put our stickers on. You have to use a damp cloth and hold it there for a while to get the thing off of the paper and onto your face. She applied one to my cheek first and then I did one on her. I told her it would look cool if there was one right between her boobs on the line her bikini makes. I pulled the fronts apart a little and applied one there.
They had been giving out these round orange stickers about two inches across out in front of the bookstores that said Gators and advertised their store. We put one on each tit like they were bright orange nipples. It was pretty funny but she didn't want to wear it out in public. We did take pictures of each other, though. We headed back out to the stores a while later and bought her glasses. We then walked to Burger King and ordered a chicken sandwich and a couple of chocolate milkshakes. We split the sandwich which was really good and talked about all of the people that were walking by. I was glad to see her getting in the spirit of the game by wearing the stickers and all. We headed over towards the beginning of the game and headed in. Ed and Roswitha had gotten our tickets in a block and Chris had shown up with one the night before. I used it to get Shar¡ through the main gate and then we just snuck past the usher and sat in seats next to each other. The others showed up soon afterwards and we watched the game.
It was pretty cool but exceedingly long and we left at the end of the third quarter with the score being 44 to 6 in our favor. Shar¡ and I walked behind everybody else and talked and hung on each other. When we got back to the room we ate and tried to figure out what to do for the night. I kind of wanted to be trapped in the room with Shar¡ all night and hoed they'd decide to do something stupid. One of the idiots mentioned Monopoly and Shar¡ joked that we should play Trivial Pursuit thinking back to that night at Wayne's apartment. Someone heard her and I offered my set to them figuring it would keep them busy and tire them out. We still kept on the notion that we'd either go to a party or dancing afterwards so Shar¡ and I slowly got ready.
While the others were in Jon and Ed's room we went and took a shower together. We listened to music on the radio the whole time off of a tape I had recorded just for the weekend. It had some dance stuff, rock, and reggae on it. We had been drinking beer while we were walking around and I carried mine downstairs in my bicycle water jug when she wanted to smoke. I wanted to just sit down for a while and talk to her but she kept running around. I know now that I should have said something. She went into the game room once and I went into mine and laid my arms and head down on my bed to rest. I was determined to wait until she came and got me. I heard when she came in the room and she then sat down on the chair. I almost lifted my head once but didn't. She finally through a lighter at me and laughed as she asked me what I was doing and said that she had been sitting there for five minutes just watching me.
When the time came around to go out once their game was over, Ed and Roswitha quickly split over to her house. Jon went to sleep and Chris was debating whether or not to go out. We sat there talking for a long ass time until he finally decided that since he was leaving for Jacksonville in the morning, he needed to go to sleep and headed off to Ed's bed. I was almost in the mood to go to a party by then but oh well. We peeled our shoes back off and I rubbed her feet a little. She then went and climbed in bed and asked for a plate of French fries. I joked to myself that we have to get our energy from something before sex, so why not let it be fries again? I went back out and started a batch and then came back in the room and talked to her while they got ready. We ate them and drank Pepsi up in my bed. I was already stripped down to just my Gator boxers which I really like now.
After we finished I killed the lights, turned on the fan, and climbed in bed. Chris was still up reading a book in the other room but he had already gotten his pillow and all which is cool. I massaged her back for a long while rubbing the tips of my fingers ever so lightly over every exposed inch of her back and shoulders. I try to imagine how I would enjoy the massage myself and in turn do that to her. I also like to slide my finger along the upper line of her shorts and where her skin touches me or the bed. It feels really good to her. She always wants me to do it more and I am more than happy to. She told me once to think of all the times I'll have to rub her back when we're living together and I corrected her saying how many times I'll GET to rub her back.
I also love how easy it is to get her out of her clothes. She knows how to move perfectly to make it really easy to get them off even when she's under you. She then told me to do her stomach and I massaged from there up around and onto her tits, down her arms, and along her shoulders and neck. I also have a massage where I'll move so lightly that it tickles over a small region and then I'll press my entire hand over the area to calm it down, I then keep continuing all over in a flowing fucking motion with my hand. That had to have felt good. We started making out and rubbing our hands all over each other.
[Big Snip!]
She looked at me and whispered, `That was awesome!' with this just-fucked smile on her face. That meant a lot. She wanted to take a cigarette break even though it was after three in the morning so we put on some clothes and headed downstairs. I only wore my boxers and there would have been no guessing to what we were doing. It was pretty bright in the hallways after coming out of the dark. Shar¡ smoked two cigarettes straight and we laughed about that. We worked our way back upstairs and had some Pepsi before going to bed.
I woke up earlier than she did and decided to go take a shower and brush my teeth before she woke up. When I came back she rolled over to see me about ready to hop into bed. She asked me what I was doing down there and I surprised her when I said that I had been out of bed for half an hour. She said that she didn't even feel me get out. I had been extra careful that she didn't. She really likes to lay on my bare chest with her face and just enjoy me while she's waking up. She got up once when we heard Chris and Jon in the other room to pee. She came back and we started making out and got to the point where we were completely undressed except for her pajama shorts. She kept asking if I was going to get up and make her breakfast and let her take a shower when we would stop for a few seconds and I really didn't want to start screwing if she wanted to get up soon.
It was already lunchtime and I showed her the big tray of fettucini in the freezer so I made that along with ham sandwiches and French fries. It came out really good and she memorized the box so she could get it at home. That was a really cool meal. We decided to go play pool downstairs soon afterwards and she put on her convenient zipper outfit. While she was getting ready we were talking about images and she said that she knows people think she's a tramp because of the stuff she wears. She said she's not at all, it's just the way she dresses nd it's not fair. I told her that I was spared of that first impression when I met her because she was wearing what half of the girls wear to Busch Gardens and she agreed. She did say that a couple of girls had looked at her funnily because of her outfit. I did admit that my first attraction to her was physical just because of the situation we were in. We had only seen each other and I liked what I saw. There was nothing else at that time to base my opinion on until I did meet her and get to actually talk to her.
She looked really good as we went downstairs and ordered the pool equipment. I took my two new sticks and borrowed one of theirs to break with. It turns out that we are almost exactly matched as players which is really cool. I was so glad that after all summer of no playing, I was getting in some pretty damn good shots. So was she and we split the games evenly. We almost always ended up with the loser only having one or two balls left on the table. I really enjoyed playing with her.
When we started walking back upstairs we saw Ed and Roswitha sitting on a bench waiting for a pizza. I asked to borrow Ed's old bike because she wanted to go to Lake Alice via bicycle. He said yes and we went upstairs so that she could change her clothes. She put on her bike shorts and T-shirt that she had worn up on the bus. While she was getting ready I pulled out my award book and let her look at it for a second. After she had looked at the first one I moved to pull it away just in case it didn't interest her but it did and she wanted to read every one. She told me that she has a lot of awards from little school and said that she did really well when she actually went. She was really surprised to find out that I went to Potter because she did, too. I think if she would have actually been motivated in school she is smart enough that she could have kicked ass all over the place. She is really logic smart and it all pertains to the real world in her case which is probably why I enjoy talking with her so much.
I let her use my bike just in case Ed's were to fall apart. We rode down to the park and then along the boardwalks for a while. We then rode to the grassy edge of the lake and found a secluded spot under some trees to lay out a towel and just relax by the edge of the. She laid perpendicular to me and put her head against my legs. It was really peaceful and she said that she really likes it in Gainesville but only as a place to visit, not to live, and I fully agree.
She asked me once if when I read a letter from her, do I actually hear her voice as I read it. I told her to not say anymore and I pulled a flashback in my head to remember if I did or not when I got her letter on Friday. I realized that I do and told her so. She seemed really interested in that which was kind of funny. She finally said that we need to start heading back so before she gets so relaxed that she doesn't want to make the trip back. We did and took a quick look at Fraternity Row and stopped by the ATM in the Reitz Union. When we got back we looked through my photo album and at some of my yearbooks. She told me that her dad said that he likes me so much because I am rally smart and have goals yet I don't act all stuck up like I don't want to associate with normal people. I then showed Shar¡ some of my signatures in my yearbook like the one from Andrea where she called me a cocky asshole. It was kind of funny.
She really wanted to read my little planner because she knows that I write down the stuff that I do in it. I was reluctant to to do so but did show her a few weeks worth including the time she was in the hospital. I also showed her my computer journal. She told me that she used to write a journal on a computer that belonged to someone in Michael's family until they one day figured out her password and read it. She then found Chris' erotic porno cards on the table and was looking at them. She told me that she doesn't see what's so erotic about a chic sucking a guys dick and I said how unfortunate. When she got to the ones with two girls she got disgusted and made some cute noises to go along with it like the ones high school girls would make if you'd say something perverted. It was kind of cool to know that she isn't as sexual as she makes out to be.
We decided to walk to Burger King for dinner even though it was after dark. Ed, Roswitha, and Jon had all been in the room and Ed brought up this thing he had read about chocolate having the same endomorphines that your body produces when you have sex. That led to a really interesting conversation for Shar¡ and I. We had this coupon to get a free chicken sandwich with a whopper and I then ordered a drink and fries and a CHOCOLATE shake for her. the guy taking our order sounded like he was stoned and the other fat black guy had a Jamaican woman's voice. The whole place seemed nutty and I wondered if we had somehow gotten stoned.
We had a really good dinner. We talked about abortion again and she told me that she could never have an abortion. She also said that she would never put a kid up for adoption either because you become attached when carrying a baby around for nine months. She asked me if I saw.. and I knew instantly what she was talking about and interrupted her about the teenage guy trying to get his baby back from a family in Tampa after his girlfriend put it up for adoption. Shar¡ thought it was cool that I knew what she was talking about. She also said that it pisses her off that some girls use abortion as a means of contraception and so forth. We then started talking about her being pissed off. We have never had an argument and she told me that she hopes I never have to see her truly pissed off because she gets violent and starts throwing things. She said that she had to learn to defend herself with Michael after he gave her a black eye when she was six months pregnant with Cord!
We (actually I) have been creating a little fantasy world all weekend where we would escape to. It consists of a little hut out in Jamaica modeled after Kimmeth and my dreams. We have Shar¡'s jeep to go driving through the mountains and the three of us are all there with our awesome tans and so forth. I'd add something to the scene every time one of us would bring up a dream about the future. After she was talking about being pissed I told her that we'd have to dig a big hole out next to her jeep and fill it full of pillows and beach balls and soft stuff of the sort for her to throw tantrums in when she gets pissed. I then said that we'd call it the Nut Pit and we both started laughing really hard. It was pretty funny. She was also talking about guys in general and said that 95% of them are uncaring and are just out for sex and so on. I then fought back saying that 95% of women believe that falsity and it really hurts those of us that are genuinely nice!!! It worked out pretty coolly.
I then just stared at her once and when she asked me what I was thinking I told her that I enjoy watching her drink her sex! We then were making all kinds of perverted little jokes about liquid sex and all. I then brought up Jon's and my talk about fantasies and told her my main ones. I told her about the classroom one in GPA as we walked by hoping she's say let's go. After last night's talk I'd say let's go next time. I mentioned the beach and then we were talking about having sex in a nice warm rainstorm. I confronted her with the problem that the girl might start choking as the rain went up her nose and she started laughing really hard. It was pretty funny. She was still carrying her milkshake and when she finally finished, I asked her if she wanted to cuddle. We were almost outside of Beaty and she asked why? and I told her that she just finished having sex!!!
When we got home we went and took a shower pretty soon afterwards. We slicked up and held each other tight. It felt pretty good. She got out first so that I could cool down for a few minutes. When I came into the room she was in bed wearing her baseball pajama top and her leopard thong underwear. I put on my boxers and hopped into bed. She joked that she wanted French fries but I quickly curbed her desire. We kissed and then she asked if I'd rub her back. I intended on a full body massage this time and pulled off her shirt and underwear. I pulled the soft tickle over her entire back half. I worked down over her butt and legs which she had bent at the knees towards me to make the reach easier. I traced ever crease in her skin including the one between her butt and back thigh right down between her legs. That's the really sensitive one especially on the front.
After going over her twice, I rolled her over and went to work on the front. She was extremely relaxed and turned on at the same time as I then moved up to her face and touched and tickled the whole thing. As I pulled my fingers away ever so slightly moving them in a slight circle almost to signify and end to the `massage' I leant over with her eyes still closed and kissed her softly. We then took each other in our arms and started kissing very passionately.
[Snip]
This time I was determined to get at least part of a massage and she obliged. She did make fun of my whit butt as I was lying there because it `glowed' so brightly even in the night. She had me roll over and after massaging my front she ended up with my dick in her hand and was kissing my nipples and licking them the same way I had done her just a little while earlier. She then came back up and started kissing me. She stopped after a bit and looked at me and I told her that she didn't have to stop. She asked if I wanted her to keep on what she was doing or to carry it further. I told her to carry it further and if she runs out of ideas she can always draw a card. It took her a second but then she started laughing. She then got a little serious and said that she draws the line at sucking a guy's dick and wanted to set that straight. It was cute although once again I'll be deprived of one of the few things I've never had done to me.
She then got on top again and I asked her if she wanted to be and she said yes. We then had the best sex of the weekend and the best sex of my life!!!
[Snip!]
I told her once that I never knew that slow sex could be so good and she really liked that. When we finished almost two hours later!!! We just lay there holding each other tight and then started talking. I asked her if I was better than the milkshake and she said definitely. We then were trying to pull stuff out of each other's heads. She then asked me if I have trouble expressing my emotions. I admitted that I am still a little shy for she had ready my gifted psychological report from 5th grade in my yearbook. Not only did Linda Horowitz say that I have very pretty eyes and long eyelashes but also that I am shy and have trouble answering questions if I am unsure of my response. I thought it would possibly be beneficial to let Shar¡ see that.
We then started talking about sex. She asked me if I talk about sex easier than my feelings and I said that we'd have to find out. I just opened up and we both essentially spilt our guts. She told me about liking to have sex for up to four hours at a time and likes to take it slow. She asked me how long I can go and asked if I should rest for say half an hour and then get back into it. I asked what time it was and then said yes I could because it had been half an hour! I said that I'd be more than willing to accommodate her lengthy desires as long as she wants to take it upon herself to take the top for a majority of the time.
She asked me how many girls I've slept with and I said two. She asked if she was the third and a million thought raced through my head during that instance. Should I tell her yes so that she won't think i'm too unexperienced or tell her the truth so I won't have to lie to her for the rest of my life? That answered my question and I said no, that she was my second. She really seemed to like that fact! I told her that I could tell her when as well and she wanted to know. I said December 28, 1993 and she exclaimed (and reminded me) that it's been nine months!!! I told her that relationship ended when her boyfriend found out and she really started laughing about that. She told me that she has been with four or five guys which was happily low on my pessimistic expectation scale. She told me that she's sorry to bring him up but she never really enjoyed having sex with Michael because he would put it in, satisfy himself, and then be about his merry business. She said that she refused to have sex with him at all the third time he came back. She told me that she really enjoys having sex and needs the affection.
She then asked me if I'm daring. I told her that I'd take her out in the pit right now and have sex with her. She was taken back a little and said that she guesses I am and then we started talking about sexual positions. She asked me what all I've tried. I said at the beach, on a park bench, on top underneath, and sitting up. She kind of got embarrassed to ask this but I made her spit it out: she asked me if I ever wanted to try it doggy style and I said yes. She told me both ways to do it, one with the girl on all fours and the other with her standing against the wall. We agreed to try it. I said that it sucks that we won't have a chance this time to try my GPA fantasy to which she said that I should have said something earlier and that there will be a next time! She then told me about all of the places she's had sex from a boat to an elevator to the table, sink, beach, shower, pool, and more. It doesn't bother me because hopefully this was mainly with Michael, her husband. We said that we'll have to start trying things.
She then asked me If I have a certain time of the day when I like sex. I laughed and told her that since I haven't been married I haven't had the opportunities to have sex around the clock. She liked that and we essentially said that we'd have to change that. She did say that she was trying to get me aroused this morning and I complained that I was but she kept saying she wanted to get up soon. She then told me that she puts sex before eating, sleeping, and almost anything else! We let it rest and I knew that I wouldn't let her get away in the morning without making love. I did admit to her that after sex I always get hungry. She kind of liked that and said that I could get something while she smoked so I had to go downstairs with her. She bought some Zingers and I got a Zero bar. She has never seen them before and as I pulled it out I told her that it's my prejudice candy bar because it's all white. It was pretty funny. We ate in my bed and then talked and cuddled a little more before going to sleep. I was wide awake and told her so but oh well.
I woke up early again and took a warm shower to defrost and to brush my teeth. I then slowly and gently woke her up. Once she had, she pulled off my shirt and laid on my warmth. I started rubbing her back with my hands and extending them down into her underwear. We finally started going and she was rather kissy all over my neck, chest, and mouth. I licked her all over and then went down on her. I then moved back up and started kissing her and before long I was in her. I didn't last very long but never let her know the difference as I kept on going rather quickly inside her. We had no regards for anybody else in the other room at all. I slowed down for her for a little while until I got tired. I then slowed down and started kissing her. I eventually stopped and we smiled and looked at each other. I then told her that it's half time, we have to switch courts!!! and she started cracking up. It was really funny and she was more than happy to hop up on top! We then kept going for quite a while until we finally just held each other for our cool off period. She whispered, `I love you!!!' to me very softly and I said it back to her instantly! That was awesome! I though I had heard her say it once towards my ear last night but I wasn't sure. She also called me sexy to my face while we were lying there.
We eventually got up and I cooked her a French toast breakfast while she ran downstairs to smoke a cigarette. She fed me a few bites of her food but I ate the leftover fettucini mainly. We were kind of worried about finding her a ride to the bus station by 2:30 and I was ready to call a cab. I did tell her that Ed didn't have his bookbag and would start feeling guilty after a while and should walk in. A few minutes later he did and said that he would drive us over. I was pretty happy. We then went and laid down in bed with her on top of me for quite a while just holding each other tightly and kissing. it was our physical way of saying goodbye. We then got up and took our last shower together for the weekend even though I just had one a little while earlier. She used a washcloth and washed me down with soap and I insisted that we hold each other all slimy. I thought it felt rather interesting and didn't want to let go.
We started kissing and moved into the stream of water to rinse off. She then pulled both of our heads under the water. it didn't bother me at all and I kept kissing her just as good as before but she started laughing saying that it felt weird. We then kept going for a little bit longer before getting out. I just realized that I almost forgot her best kiss! The other night she just came out with her tongue and pointed it, licking my lips and my teeth and my tongue as well. It felt awesome, almost like what she should be doing if she were giving a blow job. I told her that I really liked it when she first did it and we keep doing it all of the time now. We'll even run our tongues all over each others without our lips touching at all. It's pretty cool.
I also told her once on the phone last week that I miss her kiss. It did sound kind of corny and I didn't know how she took it after she didn't say anything about it. She was kissing me in bed once and she popped out with, `I'll miss your kiss, too!' which meant that she had listened and remembered and thought about what I had said! I liked that. We then quickly packed her stuff and met Ed downstairs. I had him leave us at the bus station and thanked him telling him that I'd walk home but if I didn't make it by seven to call the cops! Shar¡ said the same thing at the same time and we laughed. She was all excited that her roses lived as well as they did because she really wanted to take them home and show them off. That's really cool, too. We sat on a bench outside at the station and talked and kissed for our last half hour and she told me again how much she really wishes I was coming home now with her. When the bus came she boarded and I headed home.
I had a while to think on the way home. One of the best things about our relationship is our compatibility. We get along perfectly, we play pool the same, we have plenty of the same tastes, and from what I've seen, heard, and felt - we get along very well sexually. We have the potential for an awesome relationship that I hope will continue to grow to ultimate proportions.