February 27, 1994 - Sunday - Semifinal loss, Shar¡

Eddie and I competed in a pool tournament today that was a lot more legitimate that last years. There were about sixteen players initially and they were all pretty decent. Not the sorry little girls who played last year who has maybe touched a que stick twice. I had been downstairs working on my car for a little while and found a message from Roswitha when I got upstairs telling me to hurry and come down.

Ed had already one his first game and I got added in towards the middle of the first round. I was initially supposed to play the organizer of the event first but then the Eric that I have known for a while and saw at Mardi Gras signed up and we got paired off. Holly was there with him which was cool. He was an alright player and we remained evenly matched for a while until my newly acquired skills started kicking in and I finished up by beating him. That was fucking awesome because I beat him in front of Holly who had watched the entire match. Eric split after that and Holly talked to me for a minute later on while I was sitting with Roswitha which was cool and a good ice breaker I hope. Wouldn't Leigh Anne be pissed! Ha! Ha!

I went on to play this guy who was supposedly pretty good but he took a slop shot and I also let him recover from a table foul. The tide turned towards his favor and I started getting pissed that I had been so generous to him at the beginning of the game so I rallied. I didn't even need to finish my last easy shot because he scratched the eight ball. What was cool was my consistency which was better than I had ever been before. I sunk a ball on my first four shot although I scratched on each second one.

Ed lost the second round to some guy who I would be playing next. The guy hit the ball way too hard on a lot of occasions and wasn't really that consistent of a player. Lucky is a lot more like it. Lucky because it just happened that Ed was never given any easy shots and Lucky because he then played generous yet not very skilled me. Our game came down to the eight ball being left alone on the table. He even scratched while sinking his last ball giving an extremely easy shot that I rushed and missed. That was extremely stupid on my part because I should know better by now, but oh well. Ed and I lost to the same guy which is cool and keeps him in his place. I played extremely well against this guy to even tie him until the very end, but I played too nice. I gave over a slop shot that I could have easily lied about even though I think he hadn't earlier. Roswitha told me that I should have just taken it f the other wasn't going to object because I would have won. That only sucks because that was a semifinal game. Damn, but oh well. It was fun which is all that matters and I'm getting much much better.

I called Shar¡ and talked to her for a few minutes yesterday but she was stoned after already smoking five joints since she had waken up. That kind of sucked and I took things a little more negatively than I should have as usual just because she didn't seem too enthusiastic about me. She did ask when I am going to transfer and so forth. I'm just waiting to see what happens over spring break first.

February 25, 1994 - Friday - An old letter arrives!!!

Shar¡'s letter that she keeps asking about finally arrived today. At first I wondered why she had said that she didn't write me a new one but then realized it was the really old one. She said she had given it to her grandmother to mail and said the other day she would call her to make sure she finally did. The thing is dated February first which is a week before she called me the first time. I was really curious as to what she said back then before everything that has happened to us over the phone since Valentine's Day.

Dan,
Feb. 1, 1994


Hey this is Shari, like you didn't know right. Well this is the first at 2:38 AM in the morning and I am realy wasted. Sorry it took me so long to write but alot of shit has happened since Christmas. Well first of all you know that Craig and I was on bad terms right. Anyway we ended up as friends and every now and then we associate or talk to each other. Well as of today I am moving in to a 2 bed room apt. with my cousin Jimmy and Cord will just share a room with me. The apt. complex has a weight room so I'll be in there everyday after work. I am planing on getting a job at T.G.I. Frydays or CDB's. "oops" "oops" {after two scribbled out mistakes} You can tell I am fucked up right??? My cigarett is burning away........ Anyway I am going to get a job and get my shit together, but um........... Oh!!! I'll get your ring next "oops" {another scribble} time I go over to my Dad's house, if that's all right to you??? If not you can get it next time you come into town. By the way when will that be??? We will be getting a phone soon so I'll write and give you the # when we do. I would have wrote you but a week after you left Craig and I broke up and I didn't know when or where I was going to move. I didn't want to write and then a week later leave, then he would have gotten the mail and not have given it to me. But at this address I will get it. So how is every thing up there and when are you going to transfer?????????????? That would be so cool if you moved to USF so I wouldn't have to look at the picture of you in bed to see you. That is my favorite picture because you look so cute in it. My big baby!!! When I get a job and a babysitter for the weekend I want to come and see ya before you transfer to USF. (right) Well all I can really do is wish¡ for that to come true....... Another cute one is when you are leaning on the cabnet in the kitchen looking at the paper. I'd like to do all this if it's cool with you, or if you want to tell me to get lost because of someone else or because what happened last time that's also cool with me. But hopefully you won't or atleast I can write sexy letters to you and be friends. Guess what???? The weather is so awesome down here, BEACH'N IT starting this Friday. I am going with my x roommate Rob and Cord and probly his roommate now Jason. We are going to have a house warming party, drink some, smoke some, and a little bit of what ever. When you come down for the weekend you can stay at my place one night or even the whole weekend. My cousin is way cool, the only thing you would have to sleep with me in my room on an awesome most comfortable couch. (ah darn) HA! HA! God I want to see you so bad!!!! I am tired of looking at pictures, I want to see the real thing. I want to touch and kiss the real thing. Baby I think about you all the time, and when I do I just go into my room and look at your cute face and fine body in a picture.

!!! Smoke break !!!

It's 2:15 AM now and I can't go to sleep, I wish I could hear your voice. I kinda wish that I wouldn't have lost our baby but then in a way I am glad I did because neither of us is ready for that big a step. Especially not me..... not right yet atleast, I shouldn't have fucked up and left instead of telling you what was realy up. I really didn't know what you would of said or did and I've already had one person left me stranded with a child. Don't get me wrong I love Cord with more than all my heart but also I wish I would have waited for him too. By the way Cord is doing good, I am very proud of him. He is 2 and 3 months old, potty trained, speaks full sentences, and feeds himself. Plus he's a bright intelligent little boy, I'd give the world to him if I could. Anyway it's six cigaretts and 1« hrs. later. I have to get some sleep to put up with the little monster. Please write back A.S.A.P. don't wait as long as I did. Once again I am sorry for waiting so long. Well sweet dreams and goodnight.

P.S. Cord says Hey!!!
Love Allways,
Shar¡ {heart accent}

On the outside of the envelope it said: Had any good choclate lately??? Sealed with a kiss cause a lick wouldn't stick. "Sorry so late," and had a face drawn on it.

Well, her letter ended up being everything I had hoped it would be. She practically was begging for me back and hadn't even talked to me yet.

Last night on the phone she she brought up that she had been thinking about what I had said about buying her a Christmas present. She said that we weren't really talking at Christmas, sure she called me a few times but it hadn't gotten serious. She said that she liked that I had been thinking about her enough even then to buy her something, although she doesn't yet know what it is. I explained how I had been really looking forward to Christmas for a long time to get stuff for her and Cord, but that never happened and then how I was helping everybody else pick out presents for their girlfriends and I felt really left out so I got something for her. I asked her what size she is and she either said six or seven. I asked what that was in words and she said medium. Cool! I guessed right. I kept giving her hints and finally said something like she could find it on page fourteen of the Victoria's Secret catalog. I then joked that she'd run out and look as soon as she could and she said that she definitely would. Of course that page number was arbitrary.

I ended up trying to explain it in a way that would still leave a little bit of mystery to it. I also asked her if she could see know why I didn't want to mail it to her, because I don't want her using lingerie from me with anybody else. She was kind of quiet for a second hopefully because she wouldn't want to use it with anybody else and was surprised I said that. She wanted to know if I was going to give it to her over spring break and I said definitely.

She also was telling me again but in moire detail how Craig had reacted that day when we were all at her dad's house. She said he is an asshole because she told him to get out and come talk to me but he wouldn't because he didn't walk to talk me because she had fucked me! That's pretty damn immature, we both agreed.

Kimmeth called me tonight and we had a great talk for almost two hours about all kinds of stuff.

February 24, 1994 - Thursday - Mentally we're there!!!

Things are finalizing beautifully!!!!! Shar¡ is perfect! She is either a perfect bullshitter or the perfect woman. I prefer to think she is the latter. After I finished up my homework tonight at about 12:20 I gave her a call just to say hello and she had just gone downstairs for a minute and I left a message with James. That was perfect because I'd get to see if she'd actually call me back and that would mean she'd be paying for it. I couldn't help but feel anxious so I returned a call from Delisa next door who had called when Kostas was on the phone earlier. She wasn't there and of course Leigh Anne immediately recognized me. She wanted to know why Delisa had called me. Why the hell would I know?! The other line soon beeped and I told her that I had to go because Jon has a call. She asked if it was Shar¡ and I said yes and we got off the phone. Jon told me afterwards that he heard her bawling at about that time next door. Ha ha!

Shar¡ asked if I was talking to my girlfriend and I exclaimed that I don't have one. I also told her that I have been promoting the idea that Leigh Anne quickly get a new boyfriend to get her out of our hair. Shar¡ laughed and asked if we would look for her a boyfriend while we were at it. I told her that most of the people I know are dating someone so she'd just have to settle for me! She asked what I meant by just "settling" for me! I replied by saying that was my discreet way of suggesting myself and she said that she knew.

She told me that I must have ESP because she was just thinking about calling me when she went downstairs to check the mail. I was so fucking estatic because she was actually paying for the call and for me that finalized what she has been saying as true. Spending money for us poor people is a way of nonverbally speaking the truth. I never spent money on Leigh Anne, never called her at home, never would have even really cared for pictures of her. Shar¡ does all of those things which is why I'm really starting to believe her.

I asked her at the end if she had written me a Post It letter yet because that was the only paper she had in the house. She told me that she looked everywhere last night for something to write on but couldn't find anything but getting paper is one of her goals for tomorrow. I joked for her to write on napkins and she sounded perfectly serious when she asked me if I really wanted her to.

She mentioned that she will be going to the beach all next weekend so she will be a lot darker than me when I come down. She is talking about getting a new bathing suit and talked about how I bought the other one for her. Shar¡ likes it but it has a tacky white "belt" across the front. I said that it did at least get me some interesting pictures and she agreed that I did get to see her big white butt. she was talking about how big her butt is, and that it's the biggest part about her. I reassured her that everybody's butt is the biggest part about them and told her that I like hers. She mentioned something to Jimmy in the background once about being too lazy to do something. I said great, all she is is a stoned lazy fat ass!!!, but I quickly corrected myself.

She asked if I think she has gotten fat and I said that I don't know because I haven't seen her since Christmas and perhaps she's Christina's twin now. She laughed about that and said that he would never let herself get like that which pleases me just fine. She also told me how there is a gym downstairs at the complex where she works out. She told me that we can even go work out when I come down and stuff. I told her that we don't have to go down to the gym to work out. She agreed but said that kind of working out usually goes on at night. I added that it can happen in the morning and that it makes a good wake up call and she agreed adding herself that after lunch I sometimes cool, too. I laughed and said that it would be good then just to do it after every meal so the food doesn't turn to fat. She said,"Three times a day!" and I added that we might just brush our teeth every once in a while, too.

Well, for two people that would never talk about such things in the old days, perhaps it was good that our separation occurred thus giving us a way to reapproach our relationship. We already built a lot of the emotional stuff which is cool and probably a lot more long term than having to mix what we are doing now with the act of getting to know someone. I'm really glad of the way this all is turning out!

We were talking a little bit about what we'll be doing when I go down. I reminded her that this is assuming I will have a car. She mumbled something about maybe being able to get a hold of a car so we can do something. She also said if I'll still put up with Christina that she's a means of transportation. She also said that Christina will be expecting to take us out at least once and I said I thought she hated me to which Shar¡ said no. it's just kind of funny that Shar¡ said that because I thought there wasn't any question about it in the first place since it always happened before anyway.

I mentioned that I told my mom about us talking again and she said that she bets my family hates her. I told her not at all and she is actually glad that she doesn't live all the way out in Brandon anymore. She then said that she wants to meet my parents when I am home over my break. I got wide eyed and asked why. She said is just part of the things that need to be done, or something like that. It sounded like she is trying to work her way deep into my life hoping to make sure everything everywhere is as good as I say it is and to grasp onto me as tight as she can. If only she knew that I would be happy with he hr for the rest of my life. I have already reached that conclusion, and I can only hope she will be able to say the same thing.

I told her that she'd have to see my messy house and she said that she doesn't care and I realized that I don't live there anymore so I can't be blamed for it. I also was explaining to her that I never told my parents, or anybody for that matter, anything really bad about her. I did say the only problem was the fact that I could in no way explain to them why we broke up because I didn't want to tell them she had gotten pregnant if it wasn't going to happen any longer. So I kind of left my parents hanging in that respect but oh well.

She asked me once when I am going to send her more pictures. I asked of what and she said so elegantly, "of shit!" I explained that I haven't really taken many other pictures but I will show her the rest when I come down. I told her that a lot are of girls at Mardi Gras and she said that she doesn't have any interest in those. I said that I remember because of her reaction to Chris' pornographic lesbian cards and she laughed about that.

That spurred a memory of her trip up here and she was saying how funny it was when she first came in the room and how she saw the dozen roses taped up on the wall but it didn't really register that they were for her because she didn't see a card or anything. She said that she felt really embarrassed because she didn't catch on and I told her that she shouldn't have been. I then told her how I had gone to work out with Ashley that morning and thought long and hard about what to get her. She asked if she comes up again if she will get another dozen and I said no, what good is it to get repetitious and take the meaning out the others. She agreed and then I said that the surprise would have to be different, even better. She really agreed to that and I suddenly realized my error and told her not to because ill have to go through all of the stress of picking out something again.

She was talking about Cord and how big he is getting. We talked about that for a while and I asked if she has taken any pictures. That child would have hardly any if it weren't for me! She said no, that she needs to get film, and find her camera. I asked her if she wants me to bring mine down and she said of course. I asked why and she said so we can take pictures of us doing everything. I liked hearing her say "us". I then asked her why I would want new pictures of her because when I show them to everybody, they will ask me if that isn't the girl who dumped me. She told me that I can tell them that this is the girl who realized that she can't live without me and came begging back to me!!!!!!!!! I couldn't believe my ears! Something like Leigh Anne so often would allege coming from the mouth of the only woman in the world I want to hear it from, Shar¡!!! Damn I'm happy!!!

I was so amazingly happy with our conversation. Ed called once while I was on the phone and asked if I'd like to come downstairs and play pool sometime. I said yes and told Shar¡ and we talked about pool for a while. I was just glad to make it sound like I am doing stuff. I played rather well against Ed and he made the comment that my strokes aren't smooth enough. I was in a really good mood and it suddenly dawned on me after I beat him three times that I hold the end of the stick to loosely. I practiced three games with a tighter grip and was kicking ass making shots I so often dream of making. It was beautiful!!! It will be awesome if I can hone this newfound ability before I challenge my Goddess.

February 23, 1994 - Wednesday - Getting much closer!!!

Shar¡ and I had the phone call of the year last night. I had told Leigh Anne that I didn't want to do anything with her so she ran off to Jason's house like she always so readily does. Heaven forbid she miss a moment that something might be going on. I think she'd die if she weren't with a guy every night. What a whore, but I'll deal with that later if I get bored. She came over when she got home even though I had asked her not to. She wanted to show me some stuff she bought at this huge media store. One was a book about everything men know about women. I asked her if the pages were blank before she even opened it and kind of ruined the joke. She also bought some bullshit book with over two thousand date ideas so I can't use the excuse that I don't have any ideas of what to do. She never caught on that I didn't want to spend time with her, I always have ideas.

Chris was on the phone with Marty well after midnight and had sung to her because today is her birthday. Leigh Anne wished her well and then I wished her a VERY happy birthday. Marty said something that Chris wouldn't repeat so it definitely was a little more friendly than he would like her to be towards me. The other night when I was depressed, she asked to talk to me and told me not to worry because she'll be back soon to cheer me up! Chris freaked out but I told him all she meant was that the fact that she makes it back to Jacksonville safe and sound will cheer me up. Good cover up, huh?

I heard him click over to the other line at 12:30 since he was out talking in the hallway and he was kind of confused and seemed torn. I figured it was Karen or something for Jon but when out and checked anyway. It was Shar¡!!!!! She called after all and CHris was stumbling because he was in an important conversation with MArty but knew how much a phone call from Shar¡ would mean to me. He told her I'd call her back in a few minutes. Fool! He's supposed to tell her to call back, but oh well. I waited until 12:40. Leigh Anne was kind of pissed because I was calling Shar¡ but I don't care.

And then the beauty began... I had said most of the things that I had wanted to say to her all along over the past five months last week but last night we got to all of the obscure and more controversial ones. It was awesome how well things worked out!!! She was having a really good time talking to me and mentioned once how much she likes talking to me. We were talking once and she suddenly, exasperatedly, asked me how come I always know how to say the right things at the right times. I obviously was making a wonderful impression by some of the other compliments we exchanged and she once again was falling for my overpowering charm. I was the one that broke the ice by complimenting her through hints. She picked up on it the first time and asked what I meant just to be sure and I told her that was my little way of telling her (how wonderful she is) or something like that. She seemed to like it.

We then both got pathetic. She told me that she likes to look at my pictures a lot and even has one put up on her bedroom wall!!!!!!! She asked me if I remember which one she really liked of me. I asked if it was the one of me holding Cord's hand walking along the beach. She said that he really likes that one, too, but she's talking about a newer one. I kind of doubted it was the Mardi Gras picture and then remembered the one of me in bed from the time she was in Gainesville. She said that's the one and said that I look really cute in it. That is a damn good picture of me and now I'm so very glad she took it that morning. I confessed that I had blown up the pool picture of her like we had always talked about. When I told her when I did it she realized it was before she first called and said that I had been thinking about her before she called and I said yes. I think she liked that.

I brought up my ring at one point and finally told her how Buffy said she couldn't find it. This was after she said that she had visited her dad's house yesterday. She said that was bullshit because Buffy always said she had it in her jewelry box and said that she would find out for me. I was really glad to get that out in the open. SHe asked me again if I had ever gotten her letter that her Grandmother was supposed to mail for her. I said no and she said that sucks because she'll have to rewrite it. I wonder what it said that was that important.

We then started talking about her being pregnant. I had mentioned how it has been almost five months since I've seen her in a good capacity. She then said that I saw her at Christmas and I brought up my birthday. She kind of laughed and said that must have been quite a birthday present. She claims that she really didn't want me to leave that night. That's cool because it makes some of the responses I thought I saw at the end seem more believable. But Christina had wanted to go somewhere, I reminded her.

Our then conversation got cut off by another call from Leigh Anne I think. It had also gotten intermingled with what was going o happen to us now. She suddenly got serious and said that she should have told me what was going on when she called instead of stopping her calls to me. I swore she was talking about the past two weeks and was saying that we got out of hand and she's not looking for a relationship right now. My heart dropped into my stomach as I asked her if that's what happened, and that I thought so. I really thought she meant over the weekend when she didn't call me back like planned and I was hurt. It suddenly clicked that she was talking about how she stopped calling me when she found out she was pregnant. I told her my mistake and she and I both laughed (mine was a laugh of great relief)!!! Damn that was scary!

She then reconfirmed what she had said. She then was telling me how she then went back and read one of the letters I had written her about that weekend. She told me that I said something like how I realized the chances we were taking by having unprotected sex and was willing to take the risk with her. She said that after reading that, she felt like a total asshole for what she had done to me.....

September 7, 1993.... There's one thing I'm a little "curious" about. On Friday when we had first gone to bed I kept wondering if you were going to make me use a condom. I don't like to but I always have. That's why I waited letting you put me in you so that it would be your decision. I was willing to take any risk with you as long as you were doing the same. I guess "curious" wasn't really the word I was looking for, the whole thing was just a thought that had crossed my mind.

I think the original intentions were more stilted towards disease than pregnancy, but what the hell! I also used to think that paragraph was one of the more controversial that I sometimes regretted including in my letters, but now I'm so fucking glad I did!!!

I kind of admitted that I was more upset to find out that she had been pregnant and no longer was, than when I first thought I found out she was pregnant. I retold her the story of how I discovered that she was pregnant because I had remembered the day her period stopped on the phone and things matched up and put her most fertile day right in the middle of our weekend. I then told her the excuse I had wanted to say forever because she had one time asked me why I didn't say anything. I told her that's not the kind of thing the guy usually figures out first and brings up to the girl and we laughed kind of hard about that and she agreed that it's usually the girl.

She then repeated what I had said about being more upset that she had lost it and asked if I really would have wanted it. She said that she doesn't know because one is kind of enough right now. I lied as I agreed that it probably wouldn't have been good for us. I did say how I would have gotten out of school at the beginning of may just about the time it would be squirting out!!! She really liked the term "squirting" and we laughed about that.

Conversation turned to Cord. I asked her how he was doing at the very onset of the conversation and she told me that she ended up taking him to the emergency room today. They gave him a suppository and gave her one to put in today and she really wasn't looking forward to that. They said he has an ear infection and the common flu. They tested to see if he would throw up after being given the suppository and fortunately he didn't. If he had, they would have had to hook him up to an IV and she was very serious as she said it would be very hard to see Cord like that.

She also asked at the beginning if I could take her into the hospital where I volunteer if she came up to see me. I was kind of shocked and said that would actually involve her coming up and she said maybe so but it wouldn't be until after spring break. I said of course because I would probably be able to sneak her in without anyone noticing and if they did, so what, it probably wouldn't be a big deal at all. I could extremely easily bullshit my way out of it.

She then was telling me again how I had a different attitude about Cord than any other guy she had dated. She said they would all usually try to get her to dump Cord off on her mom or with a babysitter when they went out. She said that I never even asked that once and that really impressed her. She said that we did have our nights alone (except the big baby, Christina, was always there!) but I never complained about having to bring Cord along. I truthfully never thought of doing so any other way but I can see how Cord might be a burden for a guy just out to have sex... I just always hope that she doesn't come back to me more for Cord's benefit than hers, but I don't think she'd do that.

She asked me at one point what questions I was wondering about the other night. I was amazed that she had actually heard and remembered what I had said and I suddenly realized that she probably absorbs much more than I've given her credit for lately. For she has remembered a lot about our time together and she doesn't have a journal to remind her of us. I guess I forgot who I was dealing with. I just asked what will happen over the break again and she said that she figured we'd go to the beach like the old days and start as friends and go from there. I cringed as she said the "f" word and she laughed and said that we're definitely friends and I suddenly agreed that what she had said was hardly bad.

I was talking about moving back at one point and wa saying how much easier the decision would be if I had somebody there waiting for me. She cutely said that maybe I do and I acted all surprised and excited and asked if Christina really wants me! She laughed hard. I then asked if I know this person and she said that she kind of looks like her, but not really. She ended up sticking her foot in her mouth and digging a hole she couldn't climb out of because she's just not as talented as me in logical confusion and we had a good laugh about that. It was cute though that she was trying to play the game that I've pulled on her on various occasion.

As it was nearing time for me to go neither one of us wanted to get off the phone, especially her. She told me that she has a really strong urge to be with me right now and we regretted not being able to arrange it. You could really tell as we tried to hang up because we always have a problem because neither of us ever want to be the one to hang up on the other. It's funny and I had almost forgotten how we used to do that until just the other night and again last night. It's actually kind of cute.

FUCK SHE'S AWESOME!!!!!

February 22, 1994 - Monday - Maybe things will work..

Once again I fucking gave in and called the stupid cunt. I don't know why I did but I just couldn't stand putting up with the hurt anymore and wanted to take care of things with her. I called her last night at eleven and she promised to call me back in a little while and she never did. That was an extremely long night that hurt very much.

She said today that she ended up going out at two and had lost her little phone book with the long distance code and couldn't call me and felt bad. She said that she was home all day long today and had hoped that I would call. I told her that I had talked to Chris and Leigh Anne and they all were ragging on me because she didn't call me back and were saying how she must hate me and so on. This was after I had stayed up until four waiting for her call. She sounded like she felt like shit but I told her that I hadn't been worried because she always comes up with a good excuse for everything. I made apparent a a couple of my bitches that I have about her and also collapsed as I told her quite a few of my weaknesses.

I told her how much of an effect she had on me after calling me again, how she made me forget all of the other girls up here. I later asked her what's going to happen over my spring break, whether I'm going to only see her once or twice or what. She first thought I was asking what will happen and she said she doesn't know in a voice hinting at sex. She then said that I'll definitely get to see her more than that. I ended up telling her that I'd be with her every day if it were up to me... but that'd be kind of greedy on my part to which she quickly agreed but then laughed it off as a joke. Cunt.

She still hasn't told me a thing and I made that clear as she said she has to go by saying that once again she is leaving me hanging on my questions to wonder for yet another day. She kept saying whatever but I was perfectly serious.

She was being rather serious about her lifestyle for a little while with me. She said that Cord is sick and has been throwing up everything she's tried giving him. I suggested Pedalyte and she knew what it was and then said that somebody told her Gatorade works the same. I agreed that it's just to keep them from getting dehydrated and for an older kid like Cord, Gatorade would probably be just fine, but there is too much sugar for a little kid. She took the advice well and complimented "Doctor Dan." I then told her how I didn't go today because I was upset over her.

She was talking about the cost of her pot and how she had done a hydroponic today which is twenty bucks a g(ram). I told her no wonder she has no money to call me nd she laughed that he doesn't pay for any of that, it all comes from her friends. Yeah but what does she have to do for it, I asked. She also said that she doesn't pay rent now either, just the food. I asked her how much she gets in food stamps - $203 a month, lucky bitch. I told her about what will happen to her money if Clinton's new welfare plan goes into effect. In two years, the benefits will stop! She asked about people already on it and I explained how they will continue for two years while the government helps you get educated and find a job.

She says that she's been thinking about letting her Aunt take care of Cord for a while as she gets a job and works full time for two months so she can go back to school. I was happy and told her that it's good that she has goals one again and she corrected me saying that she's always had them. Oh yeah... I guess her goals didn't get pushed aside just because I did, stupid me.

She told me at one point that she likes it when I call her because it makes her happy or cheers her up or something like that. That was good to hear and might have been bullshit but oh well.

I think I'll be sleeping a lot better tonight than I did last night at least!!!

February 18, 1994 - Friday - Just waiting and waiting

I can't help myself!!! I don't know what it is about Shar¡ but she drives me fucking insane!!! Just hearing her voice again after all this time and then the confirmations that we gave each other has completely turned me into a madman. I have waited ever so impatiently since our talk on Tuesday with the faintest hope that she would call me eventually. I knew it would take a bit of time for my letter to get there if she had indeed given me the right address and her response would probably come after that.

I tried to lie down tonight after Chris and I had just been talking about Marty and Shar¡. He told me how they seem to have ESP and always call each other at perfect moments and often say the same things. I recalled instantly how Shar¡ and I used to always do that as well and it made memories of her start gushing out. Chris then left to do his laundry and I tried to lie down. I was extremely restless. I suddenly gave in and ran into the other room and called. She answered. I told her it was me and she said that he knows in an extremely cute voice. She said that she got my letter today and it was sweet but she had just ripped out a coupon and was going to pick up a pizza for dinner and had to go. We agreed to call one another sometime tomorrow.....

February 16, 1994 - Wednesday - Please come back Shar¡!

One point of Shar¡ and my conversation before we really started getting emotional was about whether or not I still planned on coming home. I told her that I don't know and asked her what reasons I have to go down there like I did back at Christmas. She told me slyly that there are lots of reasons but it was too early in our conversation for her to say exactly what. I told her that I'm bored right now wherever I am so it doesn't really matter where I go. She said something about then I would be bored if I came down there and I said it depends on whether or not I have a good reason to move back. She knew what I was hinting at.

I also have optimistically (and naively) been wondering why she has even taken the time to try and come back to me. I wondered if she realized how well I treated her when we were together attention wise because I'm sure that boyfriend of hers couldn't compare. It's funny how I can't remember his name at all. She then realized that it's not my nature to treat everybody like that when she heard how I treat Leigh Anne and I hope she realized how special she is to me. That would be fucking awesome if that's the line of thought she's taken. Come on Shar¡..... I know you can do it!!!

There's a rock song with Shar¡'s name in it and I had heard it back over the summer. It was playing last time we were on the phone and I asked her this time who sings it. She says she doesn't know, maybe Foreigner. I had asked around at the record shops up here along time ago but nobody knew.

I spoke a long time last night with Roswitha about my previous relationship with Shar¡ and showed her some pictures. I also talked with her about Valerie and heard a few of Ed's stories about that big scandal between the three of us. I let her see the picture of Valerie in my lap in St. Augustine that Ed had to take and she laughed long and hard about that one. We talked a lot about relationships and so forth and she likes how we have a thirty day grace period before we can date a roommate's ex.

Leigh Anne has been a real bitch today and even scared me by her threats after I showed everybody the pictures of her from Mardi Gras exposing her tits. I walked past her, Aimee, and Dave on the way to my exam today and I said hi to both of them as they did to me but she was acting all fucked up. She came over just a little while ago and brought a piece offering of two cream filled doughnuts but I'm very afraid to eat them and even "jokingly" accused her of putting cyanide in them. She still keeps asking for another chance and promises I'll be the happiest person in the world. I will always tell her no this time. She even keeps asking for the second part of her birthday present slash Valentine's Day present. It's the magenta silk camisole that I bought for Shar¡ but have used as proof that I got Leigh Anne something. I told her that I'm not going to give it to her now for the same reason I'm not giving it to Shar¡, so they won't use it without me.

I talked with Jon early today about Shar¡ and Leigh Anne and wondered what it is about Shar¡ that makes me so attracted to her even after all that has happened and all of the time that has passed. Jon confirmed my beliefs that it's because of what I think I can offer her and so forth. About Leigh Anne, I told everybody last night that the only reason I ever dated Leigh Anne was to keep my mind of of Shar¡ after we broke up so I wouldn't get all depressed. I even told Shar¡ that last night.

February 15, 1994 - Tuesday - We'll teach each other!!

Oh boy! {big sigh}

An interesting event has developed concerning MArdi Gras... mainly my roll of film! Ha ha! But descriptions later, there are far more important things to consider now. I saw Aimee and Delisa downstairs doing laundry when I got home from chemistry lab today and they wanted to see the pictures, especially those of Leigh Anne. I sat on the bench by th elevator with the two of them for a little while before we headed upstairs. I said hi to Michelle and Leigh Anne as the others opened the door. After Leigh Anne didn't make much effort to even acknowledge me, I headed home to see who else was home. I showed Ed and Roswitha the pictures as Leigh Anne called. We talked and started bitching at each other for some reason until finally I said something and she hung up on me.

No better time to return Shar¡'s phone call from yesterday so that I can tell Leigh Anne I am talking to her because I knew Leigh Anne would call back really soon. Shar¡ answered and we talked for a few minutes. Some guy named Jeff was there who she had met just about a week ago. He is really funny and we were passing conversation through Shar¡. He soon left and I was brave and commented on how quick she was since she already has a new boyfriend. She said that she doesn't and he is only a friend!!! Yes!!! Somebody came to the door once and Cord picked up the phone and I exchanged words with him for a minute.

I really wanted to find out what was up and why she was calling me. As I said before I was getting hopeful since she called me twice in less than a week, one being Valentine's Day. I'd started getting the optimistic impression that she might be trying to get me back. I never figured her the type to give in so I didn't know. Just by what we were saying it started sounding bad, though. I mentioned after ten minutes that I've been on the phone too long because she seemed to be talking to Jeff more than me. She laughed and said that:

- You used to call me for two hours when I lived at my dad's house.
- That was different.
- It sure was! {frown on my behalf}

But then things got good. I told her about Mardi Gras and how I have mailed her letter today along with some pictures. She asked me if I've gotten hers yet and said that her grandmother must not have mailed it yet and she'll call her and see.

She asked me how my sex partner is doing and I told her that I got rid of her and said that I was only keeping her around for the trip to Mardi Gras. She thought that was funny and said that maybe she should start using people, too. She said that she wouldn't be able to because she would feel really guilty. I sounded surprised as I exclaimed that it felt like she had used me and she said that she definitely didn't and I said that I know. I then asked how could she have used me, because I didn't have anything to offer her, and that I'm not a doctor yet. She laughed and said that she'll wait until I'm a doctor and come and use me then and I pouted and softly faded out by asking if I really have to wait that long.

Anyway, Leigh Anne called me and said she wanted the stuff of hers from my room and I told her she'll have to wait until I'm off the phone. She asked sarcastically if it was Shar¡ and I said yes so she hung up. I told Shar¡ about what Leigh Anne was doing and told her how pissed she was that Shar¡ is calling again. Shar¡ called her a jealous bitch and I brought up how Leigh Anne wants to kick her ass. Shar¡ said to bring her on because she'll kick her ass. She also said that she'd bitch her out on the phone and probably make her cry. That was hilarious, but anyway. She did say something like giver her a bus ticket and she'll be up here and I said that I liked that idea.

We eventually were joking about me going down there right now and were saying even to there very end that I'll see you in two hours. That was neat.

I brought up Kim and asked if she had ever met her and she said no, that she was another mistress I kept hidden. I knew she didn't but then told her how we are good friends and how I almost went to Ft. LAuderdale for the summer. I had wanted to tell her that story for so long that I even have a letter from when we were going out that I never mailed that tells it to her. I made her realize that perhaps we would have never met. She then asked me if I was glad that there is a Shar¡ or if I wished there had never been one:

- Who am I talking to?
- Shar¡.
- Oh really, I'm sorry, I must have dialed the wrong number!
- Hey!
- Seriously, who am I talking to?
- Shar¡.
- Exactly, I could be talking to anybody up here and not be paying for it!
- {she laughs}
- ...but I'm talking to you because I want to.
- I thought you were never going to call me back.
- I didn't know how soon I should... when did you think I would?
- I thought you'd call back an hour later!!!!! Just kidding!

I then explained that I didn't know what she was thinking and didn't want to call her too suddenly because I haven't talked to her in a long time and don't really know what's up. She really seemed to understand. As did Chris who agreed that it worked out really good because it didn't make me seem too eager from the start. I had been wondering when she wanted me to call and I'm so fucking glad that I found out!!!

I then told her that she had finished lesson one after she figured out that I only wanted to talk to her.

I let her know that Leigh Anne was the same girl that I dumped back after my birthday and she remembered that. I then told her how Leigh Anne had thus started wanting a relationship again so I was getting rid of her. She laughed hard. I said fuck once after realizing how long we'd been talking and joked that I wasn't calling her a fuck and then explained that was my name for Leigh Anne. I told her that I even used it in front of her roommates and mine. Shar¡ said that she really sees the difference in how I treat people I like and those I don't. I asked her if she really saw that and she said yes because I treated her so much better than this other girl. I announced that she has learned lesson number two. The schooling shit was starting to really get funny!

We then started talking about us. I jokingly asked her if she had here come up here. She said of course and if I don't remember then she's going to personally hitchhike up here and kick MY ass!!! I laughed and told her that forgetting that would be reason enough for me to go all of the way down there and let her kick my ass and she really liked that. We then started recalling our weekend. She was cooking something and I acted impressed that she was learning. I then admitted to knowing that she can cook and laughed about how I resorted only to frozen stuff when she was up her... and French fries. She remembered the French toast which I had almost forgotten. I then brought up how we had French fries before sex and told her how Chris and I had talked about it and she laughed. I then realized out loud that that means we had sex!!! to which she said goodbye and I changed my statement telling her I couldn't forget because it was so good.

We thought I said dear once and she said that I know how she hates that nickname. I agreed and reminded her that her favorite was honey and she agreed and called me honey just like she meant it. During our remembrances I said something that caused her to confess something so sweet that it almost sounded like she was afraid to get that deep and say it and possibly embarrass herself to me. Hearing the way she said it was awesome but I can't remember for the life in me what it was. I then admitted to getting her a present at Christmas. She said that was sweet and asked why I didn't send it. I said it. I used the sarcastic excuse that I used quite often that I didn't know where she was. She then corrected saying why I didn't mail it now. I told her that it's not something I would want her to use with anybody but me, I want to be there for it. Of course I'm thinking of the magenta Victoria's Secret silk camisole. I joked that I'll wait until her birthday and she exclaimed that I can't six(?) whole months. She even said that I should send it and she promised to wait to use it with me. I can only imagine what she was thinking.

I brought up her magenta bra for some reason and we were talking about the pictures of her that she is wearing it in. I told her how Leigh Anne wanted me to get rid of them, but how I have them in my album now and she liked that. We were talking about naked ones and I argued that I don't have any naked of her. The conversation was really cute and funny. I told her to go take naked pictures of herself and mail the to me. Her tone dropped to dead seriousness as she said she will when she gets her tan!!!!! I said good luck getting them developed and she said she knows a place that will do it! That would be fucking awesome!

She ended up learning a third lesson and after I told her we laughed and then I said that she'd flying through this.

- How many more lessons are there? {curiously, not as if she were bored}
- How many more do you want there to be?
- I think we should wait for the others until you are down here.
- Why?
- Because... the rest are physical!!!
- {laugh} WHo will be doing the teaching!?!
- We'll teach each other!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Everything is wonderful!!! Everything is cool!!! Everything I ever wanted to say to Shar¡ and everything I wanted her to say to me has finally been done!!!!! That was fucking amazing and extremely well worth it!!!

I told her that I think she'll like what I wrote at the end of her letter referring to Jerico's P.S. She asked what it is but I wouldn't tell her yet.

Well, well, well... she actually defied all preconceptions I had of her and came back on her own!!!

February 14, 1994 - Monday - Ashley!, Shar¡'s trying!

Happy Valentine's Day!!!

I don't know why it matters because once again I have no Valentine of my very own. It's not that I couldn't have one. Leigh Anne has been begging me to forgive her all day long and to give her one more chance. She swears that we will never have to have this conversation again because she will dedicate her life to me. She also said that she would marry me tomorrow if I asked her to. I just want my first real Valentine to be special!!!

I slept last night under the study counter in the living room on my comforter with all my pillows and sheets. As soon as Marty was ready to leave at seven, Chris woke me and told me to come back into my own bed. Marty thanked me for letting them have the room and we said our farewells. I woke up at ten to meet Jana in front of the Fine Arts Building to give her the art history notes I had promised her from the day she missed class. We had our exam today at 12:50. Leigh Anne and I studied in Turlington until three in the morning last night and I got a lot done for my exam.

We read the Love Lines in today's Alligator and neither of us had sent each other one. She claims that she did and will soon have a check to prove it. There was a check missing number on her balance sheet but there was no place where she had written down who she wrote the check out to. I told her it makes a good story, at least.

I also went to my Greek class today and wrote Shar¡ a letter about Mardi Gras and all of that. Leigh Anne had gotten a letter from her delinquent friend, John Jerico. This is the guy who sent her a giant green wax hand tossing off a big red penis candle for her birthday. He writes worse than Shar¡ and I often joke that he's her version of Shar¡. He's broken up with his girlfriend and it's really obvious that he wants Leigh Anne. His letter ended up with, "P.S. Words alone can not express the way I feel. So please ask for a free demonstration." That's an awesome line and I copied it down to use in my letter to Shar¡. I also had a cool conversation with Dana (whose name I don't know yet) in Greek class about our lives over the past week and looked at her a couple times very sensuously and she returned the favor. She has really pretty dark hazel eyes.

Despite being exhausted I went to the hospital to volunteer tonight at six. Chris, Jon and I had been talking about what I can take the last ten pictures I have on my roll of film of so I can get them developed. They are really eager to see them so Jon joked that he needs four pictures of his plate of spaghetti and so forth. It was funny. Anyway, I figured it would be cool to take a couple of pictures of Shands so that everybody can see where I volunteer. I took two exterior shots and then had the nurse take my picture holding a baby in one of the rooms. That was really cool. I signed in at six and signed out at the same time with nine. That way I could leave before nine and not have to return to the desk and I did end up leaving at eight.

Things timed beautifully. I always wear my volunteering apron and name tag when I come back to Beatty because the girls seem to be really impressed by that. I saw two girls coming in the door as we walked in the elevator and I held the door a little longer for them than I normally would. It turned out to be Laura and Ashley!!!!! Laura had just given blood in the mobile outside the towers. We exchanged our Happy Valentines with a hug from Ashley. Laura then noticed that I volunteer which is really cool. I then told them how tired I am because of Mardi Gras and they got excited and asked me how it was. Ashley asked if she gets any beads and I said of course because I had already planned on surprising her with some earlier.

I came upstairs and put all of them on and then went straight down, still dressed up. Ashley was glad to see me so soon and we talked all about Mardi Gras and Valentines Day. I also talked with Jessica for a little bit about our history class. I gave Ashley a big pair of gold beads which she really liked. She was dressed up really nicely in a red sweater but told me that she had been wearing black all day and denying Valentine's existence because Daniel hasn't called. She only dressed up for dinner at the sorority. All this after she sent him a pair of silk boxer shorts and a bunch of Hershey Kisses and other candy.

I asked her about ideas to use up film and she mentioned Century Tower which everyone else said, too. That's got to be the worst idea because there are so many postcards of the ugly thing. Plus I've already taken my share when I've needed to use up film before. I had the idea that I wanted to take her picture especially since she looked so pretty dressed up. I don't think I normally would have asked, but I got her to come upstairs and Jon took two of us together which was really cool! We then talked in my room for quite a while about everything some more.

Oh yeah, while I was volunteering, Shar¡ called. I wondered why for a second when Jon suddenly made me realize that it's Valentine's Day!!!!! That's awesome!!! She's called twice in a week, and once on Valentine's! I tried calling her back but she wasn't home. The guy kind of rudely said no, but then seemed a lot more at ease when I said it was me. That's funny but is probably nothing. Anyway, Ashley and I talked about that for a few minutes, too, as I wondered out loud what Shar¡'s intentions are. May I soon find out!

February 13, 1994 - Sunday - Mardi Gras 1994!!! Kiss!

Happy Mardi Gras!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What else matters!?! I've started a yearly tradition now that I in no way want to ever end. It probably would have been a long time before I would have had the opportunity and enthusiasm to go again if I had missed this year. But now it's all back and besides from me being extremely tired right now, I'm really glad I went.

Sherri arrived to pick us up at Beaty at around five on Friday afternoon. I had seen her once before when she was in Michelle and Leigh Anne's room borrowing a black dress for a date function. She's in Alpha Delta Phi, the Jewish sorority. We also went with Ten, an Amazon who is somewhat attractive. Her real name is Renee but Jon saw her once in the Gap exclaiming to the salesperson that she needed a size ten and we have dubbed her thus ever since. We al got introduced and were on our way. Sherri was planning on meeting some friends in Tallahassee for dinner and we arrived there at exactly the time she had told them. We were rather impressed by that.

The place was a mimic of a fifties cafe and really sucked. It was cool though because Leigh Anne and I had a long talk with Renee and got to all know each other better. Renee is shooting for veterinary school eventually but has done kind of bad in some of her classes. We left there at nine and bought gas before heading out again.

I slept on the way to Pensacola to be fit for driving and Leigh Anne swore that Sherri would let her drive before letting me. Little did she know. She even went as far as calling me a wreckless driver although she has never been driving on the highway with me before. I quickly soothed any fears they had because Sherri quickly fell and stayed asleep. We talked to the people in the convenience store for a few minutes about how much further it was until New Orleans. They said over four hours and warned us to be really careful of the cops in Alabama and especially Mississippi. They also told us what great fun it is and all that. I bought a Cherry Coke for the caffeine before we headed out.

Sherri couldn't drive very fast because if she get's another ticket her parents will take away her car but she strongly urged me to go as fast as I wanted so we could hurry and get there. I drove between ninety and one hundred the rest of the way and made it in three and a half hours to the hotel. They were really excited to wake up with only an hour left to New Orleans. Leigh Anne kept bitching that I wouldn't let her drive but I just didn't find it practical since I had slept and she hadn't and she also didn't have a clue to her way around once we got there. We took our stuff up to the fifteenth floor room in the downtown Marriot and then after getting our passes back into the hotel for the weekend, we drove the car to the parking lot since the garage was full. This girl then backed her car into Sherri's and it took a little while to settle that ordeal.

We then headed to Bourbon Street and I watched Sherri pathetically ask for beads for everyone just on behalf of the other parties' niceness. It was funny. It was also a lot more dead than it was the year before probably because it was later in the night and because it was freezing cold. The girls bought hurricanes which I tried a few swallows of and really enjoyed. We finally made it to Pat O'Briens where Sherri bought a real hurricane which was awesome enough that she wanted me to try it really bad. I tried some of Leigh Anne and Renee's cherry Jello shots which tasted almost like pure grain alcohol.

Renee ended up having to pee and we went down a perpendicular road and along with a bunch of guys, Sherri and I tried to convince her to squat and pee! Sherri and I were having a blast and laughing hysterically. Leigh Anne started talking to these three guys in the military at Fort Hood and wouldn't leave after Renee found directions to the bathrooms. I ended up going back to her and talking with them all. One commented that I have freezing cold hands as we shook them. I finally pulled her away from her new lovers and by that time we couldn't find Renee and Sherri so we walked around by ourselves for a long time.

We finally went back to the room and took the bed, leaving a sleeping bag and comforter for the others. Sherri's other two sorority sisters were already back and passed out on the other bed. We all woke up at about nine thirty and showered and got ready. The water was really soft and it was almost impossible to get the soap off. We then were looking out the windows which overlooked Canal Street where the parades went and is also just blocks away from Bourbon. The hotel was perfect because it was in the heart of everything. My main source of nutrients in New Orleans consisted of Three Musketeers, Snickers, and tropical Gator Aid which I think really helped to revitalize me.

Sherri and I were both surprised that we all got ready so early and we headed out at eleven. I suggested heading over to the French market and checking out all the stuff on that side of town. Renee was being rather bitchy about wanting to see the parade although we told her that it wouldn't be to the hotel until at least two even though it started at twelve. Leigh Anne stopped and bought six raw oysters and we watched the guy shell them. It was pretty cool and he actually hooked her up with twelve! We stopped at this odium where the guys and I had since the flipping blacks the year before. This time there was this really cool white performer who did juggling tricks on a unicycle and ladder while utilizing little kids from the audience. He was also somewhat of a smart ass comedian which was cool. His final stunt was doing backflips slowly down the middle of the seats in what he called the human slinky trick. It was awesome and I was truly impressed.

We then headed to the French market and looked at all of the crafts and stuff like that, mainly beads. The girls really wanted this certain kind of bead with porcelain art faces and each bought one plus a couple of others. I found a booth where the guy was selling what would normally be two dollar strands for a dollar. These had big pretty metallic beads in lots of colors, including gold. Some were even so long that they hit my penis when I walked. That was awesome to get such a cool deal and I bought ten, mainly to take home, but also to impress a girl or two that night. We then headed off to the parade in front of the hotel.

We found a spot right in front next to some pretty cool people who we ended up talking a lot to before the thing was over. We did have to wait over an hour though for it to get there because Renee was in such a fucking hurry. Once it started we had a great time. It was awesome because I am so tall and can jump well enough that I could cover a huge area of space to catch flying beads. They couldn't get past me that often, and I could also reach over the people under me to get theirs. I stuffed them in my shirt as I got them and caught a ton of cheap beads. But hell, they're still beads from a Mardi Gras parade!!! Afterwards, Leigh Anne wanted to buy some seafood gumbo so we found her a cafe and then took it upstairs to the room. On the way some guy from four stories up tried dropping a foot long stainless steel half inch rod onto Leigh Anne's head and it hit just feet behind her. That was scary. He then threw a beer can at her as some guy across the street told her to get the hell out of there.

I put on all of my beads while Leigh Anne ate and then upset her because I didn't want to have sex with her once again. We were alone in the room and that was why she wanted to. I told her that we could fuck anytime but how often do we get to do Mardi Gras shit. Had it been Shar¡ I would have made love to her in a heartbeat. After the other's came back, we eventually headed out for Pat O'Briens before the Endymion began. They all had a hurricane while I took pictures of girls exposing their tits. It was only seven and the streets were already packed. It was also a lot warmer this time around. Saturday night must always be a much bigger ordeal. I waited outside while they got shots in another bar down the street. Some friend of theirs then bought them all a shot. Leigh Anne bought another and sweet talked the bartender into giving her another.

That's when all hell broke loose. Leigh Anne got trashed from those drinks alone and I was really pissed with her because we had a long talk about New Orleans not being a very smart place to get smashed and how I didn't want to spend all of that money babysitting her. I then gave her an ultimatum that I was going to the parade and asked her if she was coming. Renee and Sherri were drunk as well and had picked up guys. Sherri was talking about some bullshit about meeting back there in forty five minutes after the parade. I said no and tried to leave Leigh Anne with them but it didn't end up that way.

The alcohol ended up really hitting her about halfway towards the parade and despite me having my arms around her, she started going up to any guy with beads, no matter how ugly both the guy or the beads were. She showed her tits, made out with them, felt their penises and let them feel all over her. I took pictures for proof so that I'll have a legitimate and permanent reason to get rid of her this time. She kept asking me, actually she kept slurring at me, if I would be mad at her. I told her that she'd find out when we got back to Gainesville. She even slapped me about three times. One time I pushed her back and almost got in a fight because some guy thought I smacked her even though both she and I were laughing at each other. She got this big balloon hat from one guy which I was thankful for because I could keep track of her in the crowd from the sidewalk.

I eventually forced her to go back to the hotel and up to the room and she kept wanting to leave. I made her lie down and even resorted to grabbing her by her hair as she tried running out the door and pulling her back in. I was being ruthless but I was tired of ruining my time there because I had to take care of her. I couldn't leave her out there because her friends would have never let me hear the end of it and probably leave me there if anything happened to Leigh Anne. Otherwise I would have gladly parted with her without hesitation. She later wrongly thought I didn't leave her because I love her. I will beneficially get to use it because it makes me look awesome while she was being a whore right in front of me!

We finally went back out and walked along the Endymion parade for a few minutes. We got Mardi Gras 1994 coins which is cool and I also jumped up once as a giant strand of good white beads came flying at me in slow motion. That was cool because I'll always remember those as the Endymion beads. I then tried to use her drunkenness to my advantage by trying to get her to ask girls to come have sex with us but she wouldn't ever do it and later remembered that I had tried to do it. I told her on that walk that I love her just to keep her in my arms and from wandering away so I could look at tits and feel up on girls even though I had my other arm around her. I always stayed behind her, though, so she wouldn't see me doing the exact same thing I condemned her for doing. We walked all of the way to the dark section and then went on some side streets. She continued to grab guys' penises and hands as we walked by.

I eventually took her home again after getting some really good pictures including one of Leigh Anne up on this guy's shoulders showing her tits since I refused to hold her up because of her weight. It took three guys just to get her up there. After we got back to the room at about 11:20, everybody else showed up soon thereafter. Leigh Anne passed out on the floor but not until after the story of what she had been doing was told. Sherri kept asking me if I was all right which was really nice of her. She later told me that I should have a long talk with Leigh Anne when we got back to Gainesville because she's going down the wrong path completely and I'm really good for her because I'm a really nice guy.

I then announced my plans to head back out and one of the other girls asked if I was going alone without Leigh Anne. When I said yes she was happy for me and gave me a high five for doing the right thing. That was awesome. It seemed like I had everybody on my side, except Renee who had also passed out. I packed the camera and the pack of Gold Coin condoms just in case! Before I left, Sherri told me that she probably won't be ready to drive the next morning at first and asked if I would drive first. Of course. That was cool that she came to me and had things worked out that way I would have loved to see Leigh Anne's reaction when Sherri let me drive again and not her.

I then headed out for over four and a half hours on my own!!! I first headed straight down Bourbon Street and then started going perpendicular all over the place as far as the big museum and even across Canal Street for a little while. I figured I could get more action in the back streets than I could on Bourbon. I also didn't feel like putting up with the crowds after the near riot Leigh Anne and I had to push through. She didn't help much either because she was being a fucking rude bitch and I had to apologize many times for her. I almost got in a fight once as these military looking guys were just shoving through the crowd. At the same time this other big guy and I screamed at two of them as I put my hand right on his chest holding him back. I started by yelling, "What the fuck's your problem!!!"

I was on Bourbon right at the start and was about twenty feet away from a balcony when suddenly some guy fell and splattered on the road. I watched the reactions of the people on the balcony as they stared in awe and disbelief. The police then came rushing in like fools on their horses and almost trampled people and hurt a lot more than helped because they were cramming far too many people into too small a space and were scaring the horses until they were almost uncontrollable. They seemed like new recruits because last year they handled themselves mush better and I was disappointed because of New Orleans' boast that their police are the best at crowd control. I tried to get close enough for a picture but couldn't.

I was walking along a back road when I came across a man completely naked on a balcony. I was intrigued by the crowd of girls underneath him. One was a punk slut but really turned me on. Most of her head was shaved to a quarter inch but the parts that weren't were dyed bright red. She was wearing combat boots and was in only her underwear which showed a nice tan line and half of a small tattoo on her right cheek. She was wearing a leather jacket and had an old white thin muscle shirt underneath that was bunched up under her big tits from where she had shown herself. She was disgusting but I loved it. I really wanted a picture but didn't want to get my ass kicked by her boyfriend.

I later was walking along when suddenly a bunch of guys started yelling a slammed this one guy against a storefront window. They were yelling that he had bodyslammed a Pikes girlfriend onto the sidewalk. Thus about ten guys beat the living shit out of the guy. They were all kicking him everywhere with no mercy: on the head, in the nuts, in the side, all as hard as they could. It was vicious and awesome and I took a picture! He he! The guy was left crumpled in the gutter with only a single girl trying to help him.

I eventually went back on Bourbon and had one attractive girl put her hands on my beads like she wanted them. She was gorgeous but left too quick or I would have definitely done something. I then came across this crowd of blacks. Some guy on the sidewalk said that a girl was giving a guy a blow job so I went in for a closer look. The one was nasty but she had two friends, one of which was really attractive. They were all dressed like Shar¡ would dress and I loved it. This big black guy, who didn't know them, offered his services as their pimp and was selling kisses. I picked the gorgeous one and let her have what she wanted. She picked a long white one which I didn't really care for anyway which was cool.

I had watched her kiss only one other guy and it didn't last long at all. She was kind of holding back from the whole thing. I then put my beads over her neck and then put my hands on her back and we started kissing. She went deep first moving her tongue around every bit of my mouth and I quickly did the same to her. Her tongue was cold from the icy hurricane she was drinking but it was still the most awesome kiss I have had in along time. It was perfect. Our lips were pressured together perfectly, our teeth never hit, and our tongues covered every inch of each others' mouths. I would give anything to find a kisser like that. I dare say she was as good as me!!! Shar¡ is the only one if anybody who has ever compared... definitely!!! Chris told me later that it's funny how it can be so good even though as soon as it's over we will never see each other again... ever!!!

Our kiss lasted much longer than any other as her hands moved and she started feeling my penis. Suddenly her friend started getting mobbed and the black guy pulled her away from me. He asked her if I was a good kisser and she said that she doesn't know because he din;t give her time to find out!!! That was fucking awesome and I went home right after that, more that satisfied because all I wanted was one experience to make it all memorable, no matter how desperate it was. I could taste her hurricane when we were done, and her lipstick and it was awesome. I later told Leigh Anne when I confessed that it felt so good, that I realized I had truly lost any feelings for her. She didn't really appreciate that to much but who cares! It's time to find someone new!!!!!

I slept on the rug with only a pillow for only two hours when Sherri woke me and told me that she was ready to leave early. She ended up driving because I was tired and I ended up sleeping most of the way. Renee drove once and ended up getting a ticket for going 78 in a 55 zone through one lane construction. He said that was why he was going to give it to her because in situations like that there is no way out in emergency situations when you go at speed like that. I fully agreed. We then stopped at Defuniak Springs and ate at McDonalds. We made it home at around five. Alive thank God!!!

February 10, 1994 - Thursday - Farewell from G'ville!

I'm going to Mardi Gras, I guess. If I don't make it back, it's been fun. I leave Cathleen the rights to my journal. Good bye. If I don't come back... blame Leigh Anne.

February 8, 1994 - Tuesday - Shari calls!!!!!, Cord!

Leigh Anne cooked me mushroom and rice meatballs for dinner after I got home from chemistry lab tonight. That was fun because of the gorgeous girls and my very complimenting teacher. Because I mixed the very first lab, I worked harder to catch up and ended up being at the same place as my classmates last week. I then got to make up the first lab in an entirely empty lab section where I didn't have to wait in any lines for the equipment or the chemicals. Well, he was impressed that I am moving along so quickly and is starting to get the idea that I know what I am talking about. I am actually amaze myself that I understand everything that I have done so far. It's an awesome feeling. My teacher was even bragging to the other section's teacher that he has a student already on the fourth lab. It' snot that big a deal but I liked the attention.

I flirted with the gorgeous girl for a little bit today and also with the blonde who has Shar¡'s face. This girl named Wendy introduced herself to me and that was cool. I also exchanged a big smile and hello with this girl named Cheree that Leigh Anne has introduced me to. I always pronounce her name as Shar¡ and Leigh Anne to pissed because it's supposed to be Sherry. I always argue that there was a girl at Busch Gardens with that same spelling who pronounced it as Shar¡ did.

Before lab, Leigh Anne, Michelle, and Aimee all went down to the pit with me to lay out for a couple of hours. There was some awesome hot sun and I have a dark line around my previously single colored leg. There were gorgeous girls everywhere and I was flirting hard with the two on each of our sides. One kept staring at me and would quickly look away when I turned towards her, so I returned the favor. She had a really nice body and I was really impressed. Oh how I love the summer and miss the beach!

While Leigh Anne was cooking me dinner, I came home and tried calling Kimmeth. I got the machine again and tried one more time. This time she answered and said that she was just about ready to hop into the shower because she's going to a Robert (Cray?) jazz concert. I hadn't heard of him so she told me that she's not done with my education yet then. We talked for about fifteen minutes until she had to go. I wished her a belated birthday and told her how I hadn't left a message on her machine the times I did try to call since it's my turn to pay. Marty knocked on the door and I let her in just as Kimmeth and I were deciding that I'd call her back tomorrow night. Marty had come up to see Chris for the night and we talked for a minute before I went downstairs to the library to tell him she was here.

I then went and had dinner with Leigh Anne. It seemed as if the phone wouldn't stop ringing all night long and it was doing so again towards the end of our meal. Somebody hung up on my machine and tried calling again. I figured it might be important since I was with Leigh Anne and knew it wasn't her. I ran over and the answering machine had just got it...

"Hey what's up?! Long time no hear! This is Shar¡..."!!!!!!! I grabbed the phone and yelled out to Leigh Anne that I'd be back in a few minutes hoping she hadn't heard who it was. Well, it turns out that my ex-lover has moved out of Craig's and into an apartment with her cousin Jimmy out near USF. She said that she had written me a letter about three weeks ago but packed it with all of her stuff when she moved out and never unpacked it. She sounded a hell of a lot better for some reason than she did over Christmas break. She told me that she and Cord kept alternatingly getting sick at Craig's and it wasn't worth it.

I told her about Leigh Anne and how we've been having sex with no relationship and I emphasized that fact and she thought it was cool. I told her that I've just been keeping in shape and building my skills!!! I've wanted her to understand that for a long time that I can indeed get sex but like it so much more when it's with her.

She said that Cord's talking really well and he was. She put him on the phone with me for a minute before taking it back from him. She them exclaimed that he said, "I called Dad!" as he walked away from the phone!!! If he did, I love him more than anything!!! She told whoever was there that he used to call me "Dadda." I was pessimistic and said that he doesn't really remember and she said, "What!?!," like she really believes he does and couldn't believe I had said that. I then told her I hope he does and if so, at least he has some common sense!!! She replied with a, "Hey.," and I asked her if I don't at least have the right to be sarcastic once about the whole thing. She agreed that I did.

She hit the phone once and I said if she wanted to hang up on me then go ahead and she told me if she didn't want to talk to me then she never would have called. She also said that she had wanted to call me before but couldn't because there was no phone she could use. I asked her if she got out of Craig's trailer with our pictures and she said that she definitely had even after he ended up throwing his old ones away!!! I told her how I had hoped she would get out of Craig's house soon but didn't think that he ever would.

She asked a couple of times about when I'd be coming home again so I could come and see her and do something. She ended up saying that we should go to the beach for old times' sake and for the memories. I asked her if she has a job yet and she laughed and said no, but she wants to get one as a waitress somewhere. She insisted that I write down her address now and phone number:



It impressed me that she still has or remembers my phone number up here. That was cool. She was there with Chrissy and Cord and was rolling her last joint. She told me that she was smoking it in honor of me and repeated that a couple of times. Boy, I'm special...

Oh yeah, she told me that she is still wearing my ying yang. I asked her if she cleaned it since it was yellow from tobacco last time and she said yes, a couple of times, but it still gets dirty really quick. At least she still has it on.

February 2, 1994 - Wednesday - Collectable girl habit

What a sigh of relief to finally have Leigh Anne out of my hair. I don't know where she is right now but I don't care as long as she's not with me or making a big deal about not being with me. It's so peaceful and I actually have free time to get things done that have needed attention for quite a while in my life.

I found a piece of paper from back in October where I had written a note down after a phone call to Shar¡. All it says is that she told me that she had already bought me a cake for when I came down (for my birthday). Unfortunately circumstances didn't work out but it was cool that she had made the gesture. It reminds me now of how she made me that chocolate cake and then got Buffy to go along with her in saying that everybody got a hold of it and ate it already. I really felt like shit after that only to be surprised when she pulled the entire chocolate cake out of the oven. I can't quite remember if anything was written on it... I doubt it.

I also have been finding all of the little trinkets that I have collected that remind me of her. This isn't pathetic, it's just a habit I've always had. I have a napkin from where Kimmeth and I went to the Gators restaurant, the original Busch Gardens napkin when I first got her phone number, a pair of her socks that got stained by her leather shoes once, and even a piece of fishing wire that had some significance to us at one time or another. As for Shar¡, I have a plastic bag of Cord's baby wipes, one of his tiny socks, the rest of the cord to the ying yang necklace when I cut it to fit her neck, and even half a bottle of pills for her throat infection. I still love how she was wearing my necklace and bracelet at Christmas... but where is my ring???

It's unfortunate how the burden has kept me out of contact with women at the beginning of the semester and has thus screwed those precious moments when many girls are available at the beginning of each term. The fact that I missed the first week of lab kind of killed my chances in there as well. There are two extremely worthwhile ones in there. One looks European with long blonde hair and Shar¡'s face. The other is God's gift and I want to ask her so much if she realizes how blessed she is. She has huge perfect breasts. You could not ask for anything better!!! Anything smaller, larger would make them worse. It's amazing! She also has long beautiful shiny brunette hair and I am truly in lust. I've seen her in class and she is relaxed, putting her feet up on the chair in front of her, and that impresses me. We finally talked, if only about lab, for a few minutes on Tuesday as I explained how I did something in the lab that she couldn't figure out.

I called home today and my mom says she has sent me a nine hundred dollar check to throw my balance back over a thousand to avoid charges. She wanted to know how my volunteering was on Monday and a couple of other things. I went grocery shopping with Chris tonight just to keep him company and to pick up the few things I had forgotten on Saturday.