I finally consented to having sex again with Leigh Anne but I made her do all of the work. I sat in a chair while she gave me a long blow job and sucked my balls into her mouth. She told me that she never used to like putting a guys penis in her mouth but for some reason she loves doing it to me! I still felt like shit for having such low willpower that I didn't dump her on her ass Sunday night like I so much wanted to. I then dreamt about Shar¡ and was restless all night long. It's so weird how I'll dream a conversation that I know is coming and how exactly my mind perceives what will happen. I then couldn't get Shar¡ out of my mind all day long, not that I wanted to though.
But Leigh Anne had promised that she would stay by my side through this whole deal because she loves me so much and would never walk out on me like she would have in the old days. She did tell me that throughout the night she kept wanting to kill Shar¡ for trying to screw up OUR lives. She even surprised me with a single wrapped rose! That was a really sweet and unexpected gesture. I then was being really nice to her after she got home from a little religion seminar and was hanging out with her in her room and talking with all of her roommates. I was especially talking to Michelle, for she has her Phi Eta Sigma inductions Wednesday night and I'd like to go with her, explaining that I might meet up with Greta again! Michelle said that Leigh Anne would probably come with us if I went, though. We also looked at yearbooks and I was picking out attractive girls from Leigh Anne's senior class, and letting her tell me if my taste was good or bad.
Cecil then knocked on the door since nobody was in my room and I went home with him to tell him all about my weekend and about Shar¡. There was even a message that Sarah from Tampa had called!!! We had played phone tag all weekend and still haven't gotten a hold of one another. After Cecil and I had talked for a while, Leigh Anne called me and bitched about when I was coming back and why I had left her for so long. I told her in a few minutes. Ashley then called and was all excited about a dance that Laura and Jana had made up so Cecil and I headed down to their room. We all talked and had a merry time for about an hour. We were all being really silly and I was trying to hit on Laura a bit. Ashley really seemed to be hanging all over me and some pretty raunchy jokes were exchanged. It was a lot of fun. We even all inspected a bottle of tequila but nobody was willing to drink any of it. It had been Jamee's when he came down for Gator Growl.
Jana and Laura were in their pajamas and were kind of embarrassed about doing their dance in front of a stranger, but we eventually convinced them to. It was a really funny portrayal of The Twelve Days of Christmas. They were proud about wiggling their tongues outside of their mouths as they walked around like birds (French hens!). It was really funny and Ashley was standing on the fouton behind me hiding her head on my shoulder because we were laughing so hard. It was great, but Cecil kind of thinks they're strange. Ashley and I decided to get up at seven thirty this morning and go park her car out in the garage and then find out our biology exam scores. We said goodbye and then headed back upstairs where Cecil and I talked for a while more.
Leigh Anne stopped by and seemed pissed since I had been gone for an hour and a half when I said I'd be right over and said we needed to talk. Cecil offered to go apologize to her and say that it was his fault but I told him not to, and he soon took off to go study. Leigh Anne then came over and bitched at me. I told her that I hadn't planned on being long and she asked why I didn't call. I said I don't know her phone number and didn't really find it that important! I had warned her the night before not to fuck with me so soon after my talk with Shar¡, but she did anyway. So I dumped her. I tried to hurt her as hard as I could without making it look like I ever did anything wrong! I told Chris what all was said afterwards, because he was on the phone with Marty, and he was shocked at how mean I was and said that he has never even come close to being as harsh as I was to that girl, but if I was going to do it to somebody, she's was the best one for it.
I thought it was cool because I have never dumped anyone before, I have always been the dumpee, so I was out to destroy her. It was also really sudden for her.... ha ha!!! She also really pissed me off by saying that she is hurt that I run around bragging to everybody about getting Shar¡ pregnant like I am proud of it. I quickly made her feel lie shit when I told her only she, Cecil, Chris, and Ashley even know. She was surprised that I hadn't even told Jon. I bitched her out that I wasn't going to stop my friendships for her or anyone. She also said once that she doesn't understand because she gave me everything emotionally and physically that she could, and even would have raised the little shithead with me, saying she has to love it because it's part me. Well that pissed me off and I told her that she just ended any hope of us ever getting back together by saying that.
She cried the whole time and kept trying to hold me but I pushed her away. She was playing with a little noisemaker and I knew she'd eventually throw it at me, so I was ready when she did. She then tried to start hitting and scratching me so I threw her down into a chair pretty forcefully and then left her there by herself. She later decided that she wasn't going to give up this easily and wasn't going to leave me because she knows I really need her to be with me right now. She then climbed into my bed. I then pulled out the big guns and told her that I still love Shar¡ and would go back to her in a heartbeat even I she's not pregnant. That worked marvelously!!!!! Chris told me later that she came crying to him out in the stairway where he was on the phone and wanted to talk to him.
She eventually opened our door again and wanted to talk. I agreed but pointed out the door as she tried to walk in and made her talk out in the hallway. I told her there are no more chances for us and kind of let her think it was her fault for sparking me off by bitching. She was then saying that she'd forgive me if only I wouldn't give up on us, because this is the best thing that's happened to her in a long time and so on. She slowly was moving toward me to try and kiss me and get me back so I hurt her again and as she rolled against the wall, crying, I grabbed her blanket and pillows from inside the room and dropped them at her feet. I then walked back into my room for good!!! I was so proud of myself!!! I finally stuck up for myself. I want to tell Shar¡ that I dumped the girl I was dating and stopped having sex as soon as she scared me on my birthday... and now I can.
I then let Jon in on the whole weekend and later talked to Chris about it. Now I might just play confessor to Ashley and Laura by saying that I've made mistakes and want to make my life good again and so on. I might still be able to make amends and get Laura yet!!! It also felt so awesome to sleep alone again, spread out across my bed. It used to feel so good sleeping with Shar¡, but I compared Leigh Anne to having to share a bed with Ed to Chris earlier today and we laughed.
I did run out with Ashley early this morning and we stopped for our grades. I pulled out an awesome 164 out of 200!!! That pulled my compiled scores to higher than Ashley's and rather high compared to the majority of the class. I saved my ass!!!
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I had just finished dinner a little while ago as Jeopardy ended and was washing the dishes I had used when the phone rang. I was afraid it might be Leigh Anne again so I planned on making it quick. To my surprise, it was Sarah!!! I instantly recognized her voice and we started catching up on things right away. She was sorry that she didn't get to talk to me at home but she was in Ocala over the weekend. Just the fact that she was talking to me long distance proved to me she cares. Well, we ended up having an awesome talk and she seems to think about me so much more than I would have thought.
I told her about my weekend including my little illegal ID deal at Busch Gardens, and the story of my trip up to Gainesville for the football game. She was really impressed that I had front row tickets. I told her about my birthday being Wednesday and she said that she was sorry and hoped it was a good one. I told her not to be sorry because I really didn't tell her and she agreed that I did only say so once. Her birthday is July 29th, a day after Chrissy's. She asked me when I am coming home next and I told her the 17th. She said that is the same day she gets out of school and that we'll definitely have to see each other this time around. She got a job at Busch Gardens as well through school and put in for operations but doesn't know what she's got yet. That'll be really cool if we work together over the break.
She then told me that I'll have a letter waiting for me when I get home for Christmas. I asked how, and she said that her mother ran my phone number through the police department's computer and got my address!!! She also tried to do it for my address up here in Gainesville, but it doesn't work out of county. We talked about our ages for a few minutes and I let her know that I think the difference between ours is really minimal. I told her how much older she looked the last time I saw her,a nd she excitedly told me that she looks a lot different now! I was afraid for a second that she was going to say she cut it, or colored it, but she quickly told me that it's getting long and straight. I told her that's really good and she wants to send me pictures and was going to mail them with my letter. I gave her my address up here and told her to still mail the letter home, but mail the pictures up here.
Well, she said she'll put some awesome pictures of her in the mail tomorrow morning before school so I'll get them by the end of the week. I told her I'll pin them up and show them off to everybody to make all of the girls up here jealous and she liked that. I then told her how I had been dating this girl and how I dumped her just last night. She remembers meeting the neighbors and wanted to know which one. She even remembers Ed as being the guy that lives with his girlfriend and rides a bike. I was very impressed and told her so. Well, I explained that I know I don't want to spend my life with this girl and instead of wasting both her and my time, I got rid of her. I told her how harsh I was, and also how it was the first time I've ever done the dumping. I then joked that I shouldn't be telling her this (because I'd hate for her to think I'm this way if we ever go out) and she got the idea and we laughed.
We also talked about school and what she wants to do after high school and how our classes and stuff are right now. I asked her about volleyball and she said they kicked ass this season, losing only two games, but she stopped running cross country. We also asked each other where we live, and she lives in North Tampa pretty close to USF off of Bruce B. Downs Ave. We talked about her little visit up here before and she apologized again for acting the way she did when she was here.
I then regressed further as we talked about the day we first met. She said that she really looked like crap that day, and I said that she actually looked pretty cute. I was saying how I was standing out in front of the Python in the rain when I met her, and I remember her in a white shirt. It was funny. I then told her how funny it is that the last time I saw her was only the second time we had ever seen each other, but we talk on the phone like we've known each other forever. It's really cool yet pretty weird and she fully agrees. She told me how she herself had been dating some guy from the Navy recently who started getting way too possessive who wanted to marry her. She said that she tore at his heart and she ruthlessly dumped him and I see it really good that we have told each other and both made it clear that we are single now!!!
She is going on a trip to Europe over the summer and I suddenly complained that I won't get to see her and how Tampa just won't be the same. I justified myself that it's fun to kiss ass and that was funny. She then relieved me by saying it will only be for nineteen days and then I'll have her back!!! Hurrah!!! Her mom came in the room and Sarah told her that it was me and her mom said hello to me!!! That was pretty cool, too! She also complained that she has a pretty big phone bill, and a lot of it is from that sailor guy. We agreed that it sucks to have to pay for a phone bill once you know a relationship is over for good. She also was asking me if I know for sure that Leigh Anne and I won't be getting back together and I said that is definite! I liked the concern she showed!!!
After I had given her my address up here earlier, I said, "All right...," like it might be time to go and she told me that I'm not going to leave her yet! that was cool as she told me that she still wants to talk to me for a while. I told her that she shouldn't talk to me for so long if she is broke and worried about her phone bill and she quickly told me that it's very OK, especially when it's me she's talking to!!! She then said she's sorry and I asked why!, and said that we're actually complimenting each other and then apologizing for it. We laughed a lot and she said that sometimes people just don't like such compliments. Hell yes I do!!! She was thinking about when she was going to call me back again, and I told her that I will call her and she was kind of surprised and really happy to hear me say so. I think this can definitely be good! I just must be dead careful not to get her pregnant because of age...
When I got off the phone, Chris had gotten all excited that I was talking to Sarah, for he remembered her as the gorgeous sixteen year old. Jon was there and Cecil started giving me all kinds of compliments about how I have all of the girls nowadays and have become the big stud. He said he idolizes me and wanted to kiss my hand after bowing to me. He was being completely serious about what he was saying though. It really is quite impressive, I guess, and I am glad to have all of the attention. Poor Dave.
Tuesday, November 30, 1993
Monday, November 29, 1993
November 29, 1993 - Monday - All find out about Shar¡
What a fucking insane weekend!!! I don't think I've ever had a more eventful period of days in a long time, and definitely not as drastic.
I tried one last desperate attempt to get my message to Shar¡ yesterday morning by leaving my zip code with Christina early in the morning before we left for Gainesville. I told her I was calling to say goodbye, but had many ulterior motives. It sucked to find out that what Shar¡'s dad had said is true, there is no telephone at Craig's house. Damn! I also found out that CraIg has a (ugly!) little boy of his own!!! I also let Christina know that Shar¡ had indeed told me the truth so that Christina would hopefully take me serious enough to really give Shar¡ my zip code. Christina said that she had told Shar¡ that she was wrong for not wanting to tell me and so forth. I just pray the message gets to Shar¡.
I then drove with Father up to Granny's and spent the middle of the day there. We had a small lunch and she gave me a birthday card with twenty-five dollars! I then drove the rest of the way to Gainesville where we pulled the battery out of my car to let it recharge in the dorm while we went grocery shopping. I spent most of the forty dollars my family gave me for my little birthday grocery shopping spree. We then jumped my car and returned it to working order although the battery didn't charge enough to recrank the car. Father plans on letting me drive it home at Christmas while he follows behind me so I can use it to drive to work.
I really wasn't looking forward to Leigh Anne showing up last night because I figured I'd have to dump her and send her home. I knew it would be a big mess when I did. She didn't show up until midnight and I had already been sleeping for a long time. I couldn't say no when she did arrive and despite all of my feelings and heart screaming for me to stop, we had sex. She gave me a killer blow job and I. This time I hurt her and didn't give a shit that I did.
She then kept asking me what my news was that I found out at home. I went and got my plastic fetus and told her that Shar¡ had given this to me. She has heard the joke often enough and did find it funny this time either, until my persistence forced her to realize that I was being completely serious. I told her the entire story of my going over to see Shar¡ at Christina's apartment and so forth. She cried but then gathered herself and wants us still to always be together despite this, no matter what happens. She asked me later if I had been surprised at how she handled it and I most definitely was. She said that was the old Leigh Anne that would have stomped out pissed but she loves me far too much to ever do that! I was definitely impressed. I just wanted her to realize that being with me might include a baby by my side.
That was a weird thought after I had time to think about it because although I know Shar¡ would never give up a baby of her own, I still wondered what it would be like to be single with our baby. I know that I could have it taken away from her if I wanted to, for her abuse of drugs alone. But, and hopefully Leigh Anne won't read this although I really think she should, I want far more for Shar¡ and I to get back together and live... I slept very restlessly all night tossing and turning. I kept dreaming about Shar¡ as my mind tried to figure out what will and what it wants to happen to my life. I then could not get her out of my mind all day long, no matter what I tried. Leigh Anne told me this morning that all night she had horrible thoughts going through her mind about wanting so bad to kill Shar¡, and she has never felt that way about anybody before. She says that Shar¡ knows exactly what she was doing by telling me since I am not like other guys and she knew that she could "control" me.
I told Gina about my ordeal in my German culture class and then headed home early so I could catch Chris as he got home. I dumped all of my problems on him and he was shocked about how things turned out like I had thought. I wondered a little while ago if Shar¡ knew that she could get pregnant that weekend, for she did tell me that she and Michael planned Cord, but all that means is that they had sex unprotected constantly. But how did she never get pregnant again??? She has to at least have an idea about how not to get pregnant because she didn't for a pretty long time and I seriously doubt she used condoms while she was with Michael, or afterwards because I'm sure she would have asked me to use one. I also seriously doubt she was ever on the pill, why would she have quit since she probably could have it paid for by the state. in other words my psychotic mind wonders if perhaps she tried to plan it for a fleeting instant. I know the thought has crossed my mind, just to try to snatch and keep the other person. I don't know?
I tried one last desperate attempt to get my message to Shar¡ yesterday morning by leaving my zip code with Christina early in the morning before we left for Gainesville. I told her I was calling to say goodbye, but had many ulterior motives. It sucked to find out that what Shar¡'s dad had said is true, there is no telephone at Craig's house. Damn! I also found out that CraIg has a (ugly!) little boy of his own!!! I also let Christina know that Shar¡ had indeed told me the truth so that Christina would hopefully take me serious enough to really give Shar¡ my zip code. Christina said that she had told Shar¡ that she was wrong for not wanting to tell me and so forth. I just pray the message gets to Shar¡.
I then drove with Father up to Granny's and spent the middle of the day there. We had a small lunch and she gave me a birthday card with twenty-five dollars! I then drove the rest of the way to Gainesville where we pulled the battery out of my car to let it recharge in the dorm while we went grocery shopping. I spent most of the forty dollars my family gave me for my little birthday grocery shopping spree. We then jumped my car and returned it to working order although the battery didn't charge enough to recrank the car. Father plans on letting me drive it home at Christmas while he follows behind me so I can use it to drive to work.
I really wasn't looking forward to Leigh Anne showing up last night because I figured I'd have to dump her and send her home. I knew it would be a big mess when I did. She didn't show up until midnight and I had already been sleeping for a long time. I couldn't say no when she did arrive and despite all of my feelings and heart screaming for me to stop, we had sex. She gave me a killer blow job and I
She then kept asking me what my news was that I found out at home. I went and got my plastic fetus and told her that Shar¡ had given this to me. She has heard the joke often enough and did find it funny this time either, until my persistence forced her to realize that I was being completely serious. I told her the entire story of my going over to see Shar¡ at Christina's apartment and so forth. She cried but then gathered herself and wants us still to always be together despite this, no matter what happens. She asked me later if I had been surprised at how she handled it and I most definitely was. She said that was the old Leigh Anne that would have stomped out pissed but she loves me far too much to ever do that! I was definitely impressed. I just wanted her to realize that being with me might include a baby by my side.
That was a weird thought after I had time to think about it because although I know Shar¡ would never give up a baby of her own, I still wondered what it would be like to be single with our baby. I know that I could have it taken away from her if I wanted to, for her abuse of drugs alone. But, and hopefully Leigh Anne won't read this although I really think she should, I want far more for Shar¡ and I to get back together and live... I slept very restlessly all night tossing and turning. I kept dreaming about Shar¡ as my mind tried to figure out what will and what it wants to happen to my life. I then could not get her out of my mind all day long, no matter what I tried. Leigh Anne told me this morning that all night she had horrible thoughts going through her mind about wanting so bad to kill Shar¡, and she has never felt that way about anybody before. She says that Shar¡ knows exactly what she was doing by telling me since I am not like other guys and she knew that she could "control" me.
I told Gina about my ordeal in my German culture class and then headed home early so I could catch Chris as he got home. I dumped all of my problems on him and he was shocked about how things turned out like I had thought. I wondered a little while ago if Shar¡ knew that she could get pregnant that weekend, for she did tell me that she and Michael planned Cord, but all that means is that they had sex unprotected constantly. But how did she never get pregnant again??? She has to at least have an idea about how not to get pregnant because she didn't for a pretty long time and I seriously doubt she used condoms while she was with Michael, or afterwards because I'm sure she would have asked me to use one. I also seriously doubt she was ever on the pill, why would she have quit since she probably could have it paid for by the state. in other words my psychotic mind wonders if perhaps she tried to plan it for a fleeting instant. I know the thought has crossed my mind, just to try to snatch and keep the other person. I don't know?
Thursday, November 25, 1993
November 25, 1993 - Friday - Thoughts about yesterday
(February 18, 1994 - Today's journal, as was yesterday's, once again was composed over the Thanksgiving holiday at home and is taken word for word from the handwritten copy.)
Happy Thanksgiving! I was reading through the notes in my daily planner today and was putting Shar¡'s time line over top of what I have written down as happening and I finally got the story straight. She said that she was pregnant for a month and two weeks when she thinks she had a miscarriage. Take a wild guess what weekend that was - Livestock!!! STUPID FUCKING CUNT! As I sat here I freaked out as my mind made the critical connections and I had to work around the truth with my very curious mom. I haven't been able to tell them anything about Shar¡'s and my talk because without the critical pregnancy story, it all sounds so fake. After I told Shar¡ that I thought I figured out she was pregnant I called her. She told me that was the important thing she had been talking about. That was October sixth. I've started to think if only I had asked her, like she wanted to know why I didn't she would know that's what I wanted and would never have gone to Livestock. Shar¡ then said that she went in for a liver infection two weeks later and found out she might still be pregnant..... Halloween weekend..... The day I wrote in my book that, "It starts!!!" as I mailed out my chain letter to bring me all I ever wanted. I am terrified to think that the "letter" brought my baby back "from the dead!" That night was a full moon! that Emily predicted would bring on something unexpected.
We would be in the eleventh week right now and that matches up with my little plastic fetus from Gator Expo. I've joked around with my family a lot with my fetus and even told them my joke about Shar¡ mailing it to me!!! My mom was asking me yesterday if Shar¡ and I ever..... (had sex) and I played innocent.
I just couldn't help but think about how perfect last night compared to my dream of Shar¡ and I getting back together. I used to think that Shar¡ would surprise me on my birthday with a pregnancy... What are the fucking chances of that happening after what we've been through.... but they did!!! She also noticed my earring like I planned. Happy birthday to me!!! Please be alive!!! I want so much to talk to Shar¡ seriously about all of this.
I took Chrissy and Father to Busch Gardens.
Leigh Anne called twice, one and a half hours from eleven to twelve thirty. I told her I have news. She said she fears I'll tell her something like Shar¡ really is pregnant. She's so fucking smart. I can't wait to tell Chris..........................
I only wish that you hung out with somebody that kept me on your mind as much as Ashley keeps you on mine! We're always talking about how I feel about you (she probably knows better than you do), and how she feels about Daniel, her long distance fling.
Happy Thanksgiving! I was reading through the notes in my daily planner today and was putting Shar¡'s time line over top of what I have written down as happening and I finally got the story straight. She said that she was pregnant for a month and two weeks when she thinks she had a miscarriage. Take a wild guess what weekend that was - Livestock!!! STUPID FUCKING CUNT! As I sat here I freaked out as my mind made the critical connections and I had to work around the truth with my very curious mom. I haven't been able to tell them anything about Shar¡'s and my talk because without the critical pregnancy story, it all sounds so fake. After I told Shar¡ that I thought I figured out she was pregnant I called her. She told me that was the important thing she had been talking about. That was October sixth. I've started to think if only I had asked her, like she wanted to know why I didn't she would know that's what I wanted and would never have gone to Livestock. Shar¡ then said that she went in for a liver infection two weeks later and found out she might still be pregnant..... Halloween weekend..... The day I wrote in my book that, "It starts!!!" as I mailed out my chain letter to bring me all I ever wanted. I am terrified to think that the "letter" brought my baby back "from the dead!" That night was a full moon! that Emily predicted would bring on something unexpected.
We would be in the eleventh week right now and that matches up with my little plastic fetus from Gator Expo. I've joked around with my family a lot with my fetus and even told them my joke about Shar¡ mailing it to me!!! My mom was asking me yesterday if Shar¡ and I ever..... (had sex) and I played innocent.
I just couldn't help but think about how perfect last night compared to my dream of Shar¡ and I getting back together. I used to think that Shar¡ would surprise me on my birthday with a pregnancy... What are the fucking chances of that happening after what we've been through.... but they did!!! She also noticed my earring like I planned. Happy birthday to me!!! Please be alive!!! I want so much to talk to Shar¡ seriously about all of this.
I took Chrissy and Father to Busch Gardens.
Leigh Anne called twice, one and a half hours from eleven to twelve thirty. I told her I have news. She said she fears I'll tell her something like Shar¡ really is pregnant. She's so fucking smart. I can't wait to tell Chris..........................
I only wish that you hung out with somebody that kept me on your mind as much as Ashley keeps you on mine! We're always talking about how I feel about you (she probably knows better than you do), and how she feels about Daniel, her long distance fling.
Wednesday, November 24, 1993
November 24, 1993 - Thursday - Shari!!! was pregnant!!!
(January 31, 1994 - Today's journal was written on Thanksgiving weekend at home over the holiday and is taken word for word from the handwritten copy.)
I finally started making the phone calls at nine that had been one of the only reasons that I came home to Tampa for the weekend. I had been talking to mom and Chrissy about Shar¡ for a while and told them about the first day we met, and my mom reminded me every once in a while how she up and left me. Thanks. So Christina was the first one I called, and she seemed damn happy to hear from me. We caught up real quick and she ended up telling me that she got pregnant about three weeks ago and told me the story behind that. I pouted to her that it sucks that she's not a free woman anymore and she laughed. She then told me that Shar¡, (Tracy)?, and I are the only ones who know. She then told me that she was going over to Shar¡'s to pick her up! She said that they were just going to hang out for a while. She also told me that Shar¡ has been a real bitch to everybody lately and said that it is because she is living on her own now with her boyfriend so she thinks she is the shit. I hat that fucking expression!!! But that had been the only real reason I called, to get the latest scoop on Shar¡. She then asked if she could call me back at 10:30 after she got Shar¡. That's an hour an fifteen minutes and I tried to get an idea of where Shar¡ was staying.
I then talked with my family, but I paced with the same reckless heartbeat that I used to get waiting for Shar¡ to call. I had this fantasy that Shar¡ would be the one who calls me back, but realized that I was definitely in for a letdown.
At 10:50 Shar¡ called!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.....
We talked for just a minute and she called me back a few minutes later. We talked again for a few minutes and she did say Happy Birthday! She then asked if I would come over for a few minutes just to show my face even though I think she's a bitch. I resisted a little because I was afraid to see her face to face and choke up. I found out she did get my letter from her dad after she repeatedly asked me if I got her last one. She then said that she just wanted to explain things and I told her that he didn't have to. She stopped me and told me that there's more than that and she wants to talk to me./ Christina then got on and told me to come, and I convinced a car into my possession rather quickly as I parted.
I was expecting Shar¡ to have gotten bigger from sitting around, hoping for any reason to help me forget about her. She was waiting outside with a beer, and looked gorgeous!!! We hugged and went inside, where I hugged Christina and then went and sat on the couch next to Shar¡. I also said hello to Cord who is getting bigger, cuter, and talks even more now. We caught up on stuff kind of quick and she did notice my earring, which is the SOLE reason I bought it!!! Christina was sick and puked once. Shar¡ said that she was being a bitch and she wouldn't be hanging out with her later on if that kept up. Christina then laughed about how they'd be cute if they were both pregnant and ran around together. By that time I thought I knew that Shar¡ had gotten pregnant from me, and had probably gotten an abortion, although she swore she was against it, but I wouldn't put it past her. She then said that she would have had hers first anyway and I thought that was real cute {extremely sarcastic!!!}. We started talking about smoking pot while pregnant and so forth.
They were getting ready to head back to Shar¡'s pretty soon so Christina kept going to the bathroom to get ready. Shar¡ and I finally got to the point we so much needed to talk about. It took her a long time to spit it that she had gotten pregnant a month and two weeks ago. I used to think if we ever came to this that I would get to explain that it was mine and all would be better! She then told me that she had a (miscarriage??) (or an abortion!!!???) and that she was at the doctor's two weeks ago for a kidney infection and told him what happened and he said that she might still be pregnant.
I of course had to ask whose she thinks it is (was?) and she almost jokingly asked whose did I think. She then told me that she never fucked around on me when we were together. She told me at the beginning that the reason she stopped calling me was not because of me. I was afraid of something worse, but then she told me that I have my college to look forward to and she didn't want her to be the one who fucked up my life. I then told her how I figured this out a long time ago and had told Chris. I also said I called her that day and she wanted to know why I didn't say anything. That's just not something you come up and say if you're not sure, I thought. After that we were kind of quiet for a while and she asked me what I was thinking after I had looked at her and slowly shook my head. I said nothing important. She later told me to smile and I gave her a small one, she then tried to tickle me on the side but it didn't do much. It was funny how we would shut up every time Christina would come into the room. Christina asked her once if she had told me and Shar¡ said no and I quickly figured out that she had lied and there wasn't anything else to tell me.
We talked some more about nothings after that. I rested my chin on my fist once and just stared off into space for a minute and I know she noticed. She told me that my legs have gained weight since she's seen me and I objected that I've actually lost quite a bit of weight.
Anyway, I actually got up and said that I was going to take off before they were ready to leave. Shar¡ directed me to go say goodbye to Christina and I told her to call me before I go. She told me that I was really lucky I even caught her at home and gave me her beeper number. Cord gave me hugs goodbye. Shar¡ then said she'd walk me to my car. I said one joke before we left that made us all laugh and that was cool.
We hugged before I sat down in the car. I then told her that I don't think she's a bitch at all, and if she is I'm just way too forgiving. She had called herself one again for not telling me sooner, and she mentioned again about not wanting to screw up my life. I told her I would rather that she had. She then asked if I want to know if she is still pregnant and I said definitely. I had already asked on the walk out if she would call me this weekend and she said yes, and bragged that she had been the one who remembered my phone number.
She really looked like she was going to cry and I think I did, too. We then hugged long and hard and I kissed her shoulder as she stood up and she said that she'll definitely call as she quickly turned away. I wonder if she did cry... or needed to. I drove home with a new view to life. My mom said my horoscope said I would get back with an old fling, I thought Kim, she swore Shar¡.
Happy birthday to me.
I finally started making the phone calls at nine that had been one of the only reasons that I came home to Tampa for the weekend. I had been talking to mom and Chrissy about Shar¡ for a while and told them about the first day we met, and my mom reminded me every once in a while how she up and left me. Thanks. So Christina was the first one I called, and she seemed damn happy to hear from me. We caught up real quick and she ended up telling me that she got pregnant about three weeks ago and told me the story behind that. I pouted to her that it sucks that she's not a free woman anymore and she laughed. She then told me that Shar¡, (Tracy)?, and I are the only ones who know. She then told me that she was going over to Shar¡'s to pick her up! She said that they were just going to hang out for a while. She also told me that Shar¡ has been a real bitch to everybody lately and said that it is because she is living on her own now with her boyfriend so she thinks she is the shit. I hat that fucking expression!!! But that had been the only real reason I called, to get the latest scoop on Shar¡. She then asked if she could call me back at 10:30 after she got Shar¡. That's an hour an fifteen minutes and I tried to get an idea of where Shar¡ was staying.
I then talked with my family, but I paced with the same reckless heartbeat that I used to get waiting for Shar¡ to call. I had this fantasy that Shar¡ would be the one who calls me back, but realized that I was definitely in for a letdown.
At 10:50 Shar¡ called!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.....
We talked for just a minute and she called me back a few minutes later. We talked again for a few minutes and she did say Happy Birthday! She then asked if I would come over for a few minutes just to show my face even though I think she's a bitch. I resisted a little because I was afraid to see her face to face and choke up. I found out she did get my letter from her dad after she repeatedly asked me if I got her last one. She then said that she just wanted to explain things and I told her that he didn't have to. She stopped me and told me that there's more than that and she wants to talk to me./ Christina then got on and told me to come, and I convinced a car into my possession rather quickly as I parted.
I was expecting Shar¡ to have gotten bigger from sitting around, hoping for any reason to help me forget about her. She was waiting outside with a beer, and looked gorgeous!!! We hugged and went inside, where I hugged Christina and then went and sat on the couch next to Shar¡. I also said hello to Cord who is getting bigger, cuter, and talks even more now. We caught up on stuff kind of quick and she did notice my earring, which is the SOLE reason I bought it!!! Christina was sick and puked once. Shar¡ said that she was being a bitch and she wouldn't be hanging out with her later on if that kept up. Christina then laughed about how they'd be cute if they were both pregnant and ran around together. By that time I thought I knew that Shar¡ had gotten pregnant from me, and had probably gotten an abortion, although she swore she was against it, but I wouldn't put it past her. She then said that she would have had hers first anyway and I thought that was real cute {extremely sarcastic!!!}. We started talking about smoking pot while pregnant and so forth.
They were getting ready to head back to Shar¡'s pretty soon so Christina kept going to the bathroom to get ready. Shar¡ and I finally got to the point we so much needed to talk about. It took her a long time to spit it that she had gotten pregnant a month and two weeks ago. I used to think if we ever came to this that I would get to explain that it was mine and all would be better! She then told me that she had a (miscarriage??) (or an abortion!!!???) and that she was at the doctor's two weeks ago for a kidney infection and told him what happened and he said that she might still be pregnant.
I of course had to ask whose she thinks it is (was?) and she almost jokingly asked whose did I think. She then told me that she never fucked around on me when we were together. She told me at the beginning that the reason she stopped calling me was not because of me. I was afraid of something worse, but then she told me that I have my college to look forward to and she didn't want her to be the one who fucked up my life. I then told her how I figured this out a long time ago and had told Chris. I also said I called her that day and she wanted to know why I didn't say anything. That's just not something you come up and say if you're not sure, I thought. After that we were kind of quiet for a while and she asked me what I was thinking after I had looked at her and slowly shook my head. I said nothing important. She later told me to smile and I gave her a small one, she then tried to tickle me on the side but it didn't do much. It was funny how we would shut up every time Christina would come into the room. Christina asked her once if she had told me and Shar¡ said no and I quickly figured out that she had lied and there wasn't anything else to tell me.
We talked some more about nothings after that. I rested my chin on my fist once and just stared off into space for a minute and I know she noticed. She told me that my legs have gained weight since she's seen me and I objected that I've actually lost quite a bit of weight.
Anyway, I actually got up and said that I was going to take off before they were ready to leave. Shar¡ directed me to go say goodbye to Christina and I told her to call me before I go. She told me that I was really lucky I even caught her at home and gave me her beeper number. Cord gave me hugs goodbye. Shar¡ then said she'd walk me to my car. I said one joke before we left that made us all laugh and that was cool.
We hugged before I sat down in the car. I then told her that I don't think she's a bitch at all, and if she is I'm just way too forgiving. She had called herself one again for not telling me sooner, and she mentioned again about not wanting to screw up my life. I told her I would rather that she had. She then asked if I want to know if she is still pregnant and I said definitely. I had already asked on the walk out if she would call me this weekend and she said yes, and bragged that she had been the one who remembered my phone number.
She really looked like she was going to cry and I think I did, too. We then hugged long and hard and I kissed her shoulder as she stood up and she said that she'll definitely call as she quickly turned away. I wonder if she did cry... or needed to. I drove home with a new view to life. My mom said my horoscope said I would get back with an old fling, I thought Kim, she swore Shar¡.
Happy birthday to me.
Tuesday, November 23, 1993
November 23, 1993 - Tuesday - Laura's dream!, Kimmeth!
It's been quite a while since I've written in my journal and so much stuff has happened during my period of neglect. I should really be studying for my German culture exam right now, and my brain is going nuts trying to force me to, but sometimes there are more important things in life that have to be taken care of first. Tomorrow I am going down to Tampa with Jon and his cousin for Thanksgiving vacation as soon as I get home from this exam. I've pretty much packed everything and am ready although it would mean the world to me if I could only have an extra week of time thrown in right about now. I'd like to write my little sister a nice long letter because she hasn't heard from me since the events during Homecoming week.
I just went downstairs and had Ashley replace my starter earring with my gold half inch hoop. It was a real pain in the ass the other day when I tried to get it in, and she had just as bad a time but she finally came through. I repeatedly told her how much I appreciated her helping me because I know that I often neglect to let people know what they really need to hear, and I just wanted to make sure she knew. I was originally going to have Delisa, the fat one next door, do it but she didn't answer the door. I'm glad now that I let Ashley because I trust her and she did an awesome job. She cleaned my ear with hydrogen peroxide because it started to bleed when she accidentally ripped the starter out, and it felt good that she didn't cringe away from my bodily fluids, and instead nursed my ear back to health. I was very impressed and she said that she has had practice with Daniel's ear a couple of times.
I talked to Laura for a few minutes, and Rob, who were watching the movie, Alive. Some guy named Eric who used to work at Busch Gardens called Laura and was wanting a ride home and she asked if he knew me, and he said yes, "Big Dan!" Laura asked why he called me that (like it's not obvious!) and I told her that he knows things she doesn't. She complained about that later and asked something about finding out! I wish!!! I really do! We wished each other a happy Thanksgiving and Ashley remembered to say Happy Birthday as I left.
Ashley and I have kind of been stressing out all weekend about a big biology exam that we finally took this morning. We decided ahead of time last week that we were going to buy the A Plus notes this time and skipped class under my discretion to go and get them. We didn't realize the place opened at nine, so we had about half an hour to kill. I treated us to chocolate milkshakes at McDonalds and we sat out on the patio and talked. We had a decent time and then picked up the notes on the way to the gym, where I dropped her off and headed to my other classes. I talked to her early on Saturday and we discussed when I would drop off the notes, and she told me to ask Laura if she would like some ground beef the next time I see her. She told me not to ask why, but just to do it.
Well, I stopped by Sunday night and caught Ashley, Laura, and Jana just finishing up dinner. Jana was exceptionally nice and talkative to me and was telling me stories about things that have happened lately. I was surprised that she suddenly seems to like me so much now. I joked with Ashley a little bit before asking laura about the ground beef. She got a little embarrassed but didn't hesitate a bit to tell me the story behind it. It is something that I never would expect someone to tell another person either, especially when that someone is the subject...
She told me that she had a dream that Jana was in the kitchen browning ground beef on the stove, and I was in there with her, visiting for some reason. She said that she was lying in bed and I eventually picked up the pan of beef and came into her room and dumped a big scoopful onto the middle of her floor. She got mad at me and then I held a scoop up under her chin and she said it only felt warm, not hot, but it did later leave a burn mark. She said that when she got up to wash herself off, I climbed into one of their beds and by that time she was really frustrated and went to clean up the beef off of the floor. She then said that she screamed my name at me and woke up at that instant. She said that Jana was rolling around when she did and she thinks that she really yelled out my name!!! Of course everybody teased her about that, but I kind of like it. I left saying, "Sweet dreams!" and they all liked that. She told me just a little while ago that she'll be dreaming about me. I told Leigh Anne and she didn't like that very much.
I just happened to answer the phone the other day on Sunday, which is a rarity, only to here Kimmeth's voice!!! I was quite happy to say the least!!! Of course I had told Leigh Anne that I needed to study and couldn't time with her so she got pissed that I was on the phone with Kim, especially for the length of time that I stayed on. Fuck her! I got rid of her and would again before cutting a call with Kim off early.
We had an awesome talk, too, for we both seem much happier about life lately. She got my letter and told me that she kind of figured out what was going on for that time there with Shar¡ and really liked my cute little references of how studly I was being over the summmer. She wants me to come and see her so bad and a feasible solution may have presented itself for Christmas break, but I'd hate to jinx things.
Jon and I were joking a little while ago about what my parents will say when they se my earring. I said, "I thought you were broke!," and he really liked that and said his would say the same thing!
Leigh Anne! Leigh Anne! Leigh Anne!
I just went downstairs and had Ashley replace my starter earring with my gold half inch hoop. It was a real pain in the ass the other day when I tried to get it in, and she had just as bad a time but she finally came through. I repeatedly told her how much I appreciated her helping me because I know that I often neglect to let people know what they really need to hear, and I just wanted to make sure she knew. I was originally going to have Delisa, the fat one next door, do it but she didn't answer the door. I'm glad now that I let Ashley because I trust her and she did an awesome job. She cleaned my ear with hydrogen peroxide because it started to bleed when she accidentally ripped the starter out, and it felt good that she didn't cringe away from my bodily fluids, and instead nursed my ear back to health. I was very impressed and she said that she has had practice with Daniel's ear a couple of times.
I talked to Laura for a few minutes, and Rob, who were watching the movie, Alive. Some guy named Eric who used to work at Busch Gardens called Laura and was wanting a ride home and she asked if he knew me, and he said yes, "Big Dan!" Laura asked why he called me that (like it's not obvious!) and I told her that he knows things she doesn't. She complained about that later and asked something about finding out! I wish!!! I really do! We wished each other a happy Thanksgiving and Ashley remembered to say Happy Birthday as I left.
Ashley and I have kind of been stressing out all weekend about a big biology exam that we finally took this morning. We decided ahead of time last week that we were going to buy the A Plus notes this time and skipped class under my discretion to go and get them. We didn't realize the place opened at nine, so we had about half an hour to kill. I treated us to chocolate milkshakes at McDonalds and we sat out on the patio and talked. We had a decent time and then picked up the notes on the way to the gym, where I dropped her off and headed to my other classes. I talked to her early on Saturday and we discussed when I would drop off the notes, and she told me to ask Laura if she would like some ground beef the next time I see her. She told me not to ask why, but just to do it.
Well, I stopped by Sunday night and caught Ashley, Laura, and Jana just finishing up dinner. Jana was exceptionally nice and talkative to me and was telling me stories about things that have happened lately. I was surprised that she suddenly seems to like me so much now. I joked with Ashley a little bit before asking laura about the ground beef. She got a little embarrassed but didn't hesitate a bit to tell me the story behind it. It is something that I never would expect someone to tell another person either, especially when that someone is the subject...
She told me that she had a dream that Jana was in the kitchen browning ground beef on the stove, and I was in there with her, visiting for some reason. She said that she was lying in bed and I eventually picked up the pan of beef and came into her room and dumped a big scoopful onto the middle of her floor. She got mad at me and then I held a scoop up under her chin and she said it only felt warm, not hot, but it did later leave a burn mark. She said that when she got up to wash herself off, I climbed into one of their beds and by that time she was really frustrated and went to clean up the beef off of the floor. She then said that she screamed my name at me and woke up at that instant. She said that Jana was rolling around when she did and she thinks that she really yelled out my name!!! Of course everybody teased her about that, but I kind of like it. I left saying, "Sweet dreams!" and they all liked that. She told me just a little while ago that she'll be dreaming about me. I told Leigh Anne and she didn't like that very much.
I just happened to answer the phone the other day on Sunday, which is a rarity, only to here Kimmeth's voice!!! I was quite happy to say the least!!! Of course I had told Leigh Anne that I needed to study and couldn't time with her so she got pissed that I was on the phone with Kim, especially for the length of time that I stayed on. Fuck her! I got rid of her and would again before cutting a call with Kim off early.
We had an awesome talk, too, for we both seem much happier about life lately. She got my letter and told me that she kind of figured out what was going on for that time there with Shar¡ and really liked my cute little references of how studly I was being over the summmer. She wants me to come and see her so bad and a feasible solution may have presented itself for Christmas break, but I'd hate to jinx things.
Jon and I were joking a little while ago about what my parents will say when they se my earring. I said, "I thought you were broke!," and he really liked that and said his would say the same thing!
Leigh Anne! Leigh Anne! Leigh Anne!
Sunday, November 14, 1993
November 14, 1993 - Sunday - Movie, I won war twice!
I did my part, to break her heart, but she walked out on me, and tore my world apart... Thanks Shar¡.
Well, Leigh Anne and I played war today, and I won twice!!! She decided to shuck our plans of watching Aladdin, eating Jello, and playing with Cool Whip and instead go see a movie with Ed and Roswitha. We decided to go see "My Life," a movie with really good advertising (including Enya music) and a really good review by Michelle. Stupid then let us know in the car that she forgot her wallet, her money and ATM card, in the rush to get ready. Bullshit! It then took us a really long time to get through the line at the theater but I was having a pretty good time flirting. There was a gorgeous girl behind us who looked so fucking sexy in the club clothes she was wearing. I also waved to this cute girl from my German class who was further back line.
It was cool that all four of us tend to get along rather well. Roswitha and Leigh Anne even ran off together to look at the movie times and I thought that was cute. We had to sit in the front row, but that didn't take away from the experience at all. It was a really sad movie that made both of the girls really cry. One of the most touching themes was about a father who doesn't spend enough time with his family and is always working. I figured that would get to Leigh Anne but I don't really have that problem because we did quite a bit with father. I also used to go to work with him a lot which kept us close.
Leigh Anne and I were doing a lot of public emotion tonight and she'll even hold my hand and kiss me every so often. When we got home she wanted to go straight to eating Jello and licking Cool Whip off of each other. I think it would have been much more seductive if we had stayed and watched Aladdin because I was no longer in the mood for licking. I thus didn't do her the favor (or flavor) back and she got upset. We thus played war, the card game, and I kicked her ass. She then undressed and hopped up into bed. I had just put in Enya and decided to just lay on the floor and meditate to her music. Of course this was somewhat intended to piss Leigh Anne off even more. I figured if she wa going to act that way, I might as well give her a real reason.
When I did get in bed, I didn't start anything, I started just to go to sleep. She got upset and wanted to talk so I spilled my guts a little bit but confused her. She got mad and said that we should just go to sleep. She then asked again if we could talk and I said, "Good night!" as I got out of bed to go pee. That pissed her off even more. I didn't hold her all night and didn't wait around for her to wake up in the morning either. I started writing letters to Carey Ann and Kimmeth and didn't even talk to Leigh Anne.
She ended up grabbing her blanket and clothes and went back to her room. She came back to get her Aladdin tape and brought me back my laundry basket and the clothes she was wearing of mine. I didn't pay much attention to her and was acting like I didn't care. I could tell that all she wanted me to do was to grab her and beg for her back.
Jon witnessed the whole thing and I decided that I have been doing the chasing all of my life and I am fucking tired of it. If she didn't care enough about us that she could just throw it away by leaving, then that is her decision and thus she is decided her fate. I would live with it either way. I am just so sick of not being chased and always seeming to be doing all of the work and changing to make people happy. I also KNEW that she'd come back on her own. When she was dating Jerry she forgave him far too many times for me to go chasing her now. Instead I cooked and ate lunch.
I had some sickening realizations about Shar¡ today as well. There are so many things that Leigh Anne does wrong that I took for granted with Shar¡. There are also certain things that I realize now were attempts by Shar¡ to make me happy in her own beautiful way. Things she said: like when she said that she loves me... I think I accept that now as the most important thing anybody has ever said to me. It was such a perfect moment and is something that was so hard for her to admit... and she did cry when I told her how much it meant to me. She also did lots of little things, like buying me that card which was the main focus of her day. I love her so much and would go back to her in a heartbeat. I was just so happy with her. I hope I can someday find a decent girl that I will feel the same way about...
I got this note from Leigh Anne under the door while I was eating:
I'm not sure how to explain what is going on. I know how I feel about you, but not knowing how you feel about me is too much for me to handle. You can SAY I love you, but meaning it is something else. I know I'm probably blowing this out of proportion but I tend to do that. You told me to tell you anything I wanted to, so I did. I told you how I needed certain things from you, but I guess that was too much to ask. I thought that of all people, YOU would know what I needed, but I guess I overestimated you, or us,whatever the case may be. The perfect example was last night/ this morning/ afternoon. You know I was upset, but your response did not help! All I wanted was for you to hold me + tell me not to give up. Or some crap like that. Ignoring me is NOT the answer. It only gets me more upset because then I think you don't give a shit which is EXACTLY the way I feel right now. You didn't even try to stop me from leaving nor did you come over here. I just don't know anything anymore, except that I love you + I wanted to thank you for the brief, but wonderful, time we spent together.
Love, Leigh Anne
However, I still knew she'd come back, and I didn't leave and wasn't moved by her letter. I did follow her over to her room once when she brought me my laundry basket and she left her door open for me to follow. Had she slammed it, she would have needed a lot of ass kissing to get me back. She still stomped into her room and sat on the floor. I was still pissed that she kept walking away so I just left again. Michelle looked at me funny when I walked in, and I said that it's just not worth it as I walked by her and left. I figured that would work rather nicely.
It wasn't long before she came back and I ended up telling her why she pissed me off and that she can't just think about herself. I also gave her a guilt trip for trying to change me. She broke down very easily and begged ME to forgive her and said that she was being stupid and didn't mean the letter at all. This has to be the first time anyone has ever openly worked to keep ME!!! Go ego! And things are back to normal now and she is learning that she should'nt make me upset, because she doesn't like it when she does. She's told me I no fun to be arguing with because I don't get violent and fight back. That would only give her a reason to be angry at me and hold a grudge. This way she can only feel guilty... Good!
She also knew how much I can't stand letters since I got Shar¡'s and I really didn't appreciate what Leigh Anne did. I also got up early today to take a shower and had a hallucination that Shar¡ was there waiting in bed for me. It's almost like my brain is trying to project Shar¡ onto Leigh Anne but Leigh Anne will never even come close. Even my brain can't compensate for that much error!
Well, Leigh Anne and I played war today, and I won twice!!! She decided to shuck our plans of watching Aladdin, eating Jello, and playing with Cool Whip and instead go see a movie with Ed and Roswitha. We decided to go see "My Life," a movie with really good advertising (including Enya music) and a really good review by Michelle. Stupid then let us know in the car that she forgot her wallet, her money and ATM card, in the rush to get ready. Bullshit! It then took us a really long time to get through the line at the theater but I was having a pretty good time flirting. There was a gorgeous girl behind us who looked so fucking sexy in the club clothes she was wearing. I also waved to this cute girl from my German class who was further back line.
It was cool that all four of us tend to get along rather well. Roswitha and Leigh Anne even ran off together to look at the movie times and I thought that was cute. We had to sit in the front row, but that didn't take away from the experience at all. It was a really sad movie that made both of the girls really cry. One of the most touching themes was about a father who doesn't spend enough time with his family and is always working. I figured that would get to Leigh Anne but I don't really have that problem because we did quite a bit with father. I also used to go to work with him a lot which kept us close.
Leigh Anne and I were doing a lot of public emotion tonight and she'll even hold my hand and kiss me every so often. When we got home she wanted to go straight to eating Jello and licking Cool Whip off of each other. I think it would have been much more seductive if we had stayed and watched Aladdin because I was no longer in the mood for licking. I thus didn't do her the favor (or flavor) back and she got upset. We thus played war, the card game, and I kicked her ass. She then undressed and hopped up into bed. I had just put in Enya and decided to just lay on the floor and meditate to her music. Of course this was somewhat intended to piss Leigh Anne off even more. I figured if she wa going to act that way, I might as well give her a real reason.
When I did get in bed, I didn't start anything, I started just to go to sleep. She got upset and wanted to talk so I spilled my guts a little bit but confused her. She got mad and said that we should just go to sleep. She then asked again if we could talk and I said, "Good night!" as I got out of bed to go pee. That pissed her off even more. I didn't hold her all night and didn't wait around for her to wake up in the morning either. I started writing letters to Carey Ann and Kimmeth and didn't even talk to Leigh Anne.
She ended up grabbing her blanket and clothes and went back to her room. She came back to get her Aladdin tape and brought me back my laundry basket and the clothes she was wearing of mine. I didn't pay much attention to her and was acting like I didn't care. I could tell that all she wanted me to do was to grab her and beg for her back.
Jon witnessed the whole thing and I decided that I have been doing the chasing all of my life and I am fucking tired of it. If she didn't care enough about us that she could just throw it away by leaving, then that is her decision and thus she is decided her fate. I would live with it either way. I am just so sick of not being chased and always seeming to be doing all of the work and changing to make people happy. I also KNEW that she'd come back on her own. When she was dating Jerry she forgave him far too many times for me to go chasing her now. Instead I cooked and ate lunch.
I had some sickening realizations about Shar¡ today as well. There are so many things that Leigh Anne does wrong that I took for granted with Shar¡. There are also certain things that I realize now were attempts by Shar¡ to make me happy in her own beautiful way. Things she said: like when she said that she loves me... I think I accept that now as the most important thing anybody has ever said to me. It was such a perfect moment and is something that was so hard for her to admit... and she did cry when I told her how much it meant to me. She also did lots of little things, like buying me that card which was the main focus of her day. I love her so much and would go back to her in a heartbeat. I was just so happy with her. I hope I can someday find a decent girl that I will feel the same way about...
I got this note from Leigh Anne under the door while I was eating:
I'm not sure how to explain what is going on. I know how I feel about you, but not knowing how you feel about me is too much for me to handle. You can SAY I love you, but meaning it is something else. I know I'm probably blowing this out of proportion but I tend to do that. You told me to tell you anything I wanted to, so I did. I told you how I needed certain things from you, but I guess that was too much to ask. I thought that of all people, YOU would know what I needed, but I guess I overestimated you, or us,whatever the case may be. The perfect example was last night/ this morning/ afternoon. You know I was upset, but your response did not help! All I wanted was for you to hold me + tell me not to give up. Or some crap like that. Ignoring me is NOT the answer. It only gets me more upset because then I think you don't give a shit which is EXACTLY the way I feel right now. You didn't even try to stop me from leaving nor did you come over here. I just don't know anything anymore, except that I love you + I wanted to thank you for the brief, but wonderful, time we spent together.
Love, Leigh Anne
However, I still knew she'd come back, and I didn't leave and wasn't moved by her letter. I did follow her over to her room once when she brought me my laundry basket and she left her door open for me to follow. Had she slammed it, she would have needed a lot of ass kissing to get me back. She still stomped into her room and sat on the floor. I was still pissed that she kept walking away so I just left again. Michelle looked at me funny when I walked in, and I said that it's just not worth it as I walked by her and left. I figured that would work rather nicely.
It wasn't long before she came back and I ended up telling her why she pissed me off and that she can't just think about herself. I also gave her a guilt trip for trying to change me. She broke down very easily and begged ME to forgive her and said that she was being stupid and didn't mean the letter at all. This has to be the first time anyone has ever openly worked to keep ME!!! Go ego! And things are back to normal now and she is learning that she should'nt make me upset, because she doesn't like it when she does. She's told me I no fun to be arguing with because I don't get violent and fight back. That would only give her a reason to be angry at me and hold a grudge. This way she can only feel guilty... Good!
She also knew how much I can't stand letters since I got Shar¡'s and I really didn't appreciate what Leigh Anne did. I also got up early today to take a shower and had a hallucination that Shar¡ was there waiting in bed for me. It's almost like my brain is trying to project Shar¡ onto Leigh Anne but Leigh Anne will never even come close. Even my brain can't compensate for that much error!
Saturday, November 13, 1993
November 13, 1993 - Saturday - Eggs for Laura & Ashley!
Leigh Anne came home from work last night at five and decided stay at home because she didn't know I was in my room. I let her know after I walked her to work that I'd be running off with Ashley to the mall and she complained that I wasn't taking her. I ran into Laura on the walk up and she said the same thing. I tried to convince Laura to skip her two quizzes and come along, but she wouldn't. I finally called Leigh Anne at 5:30 after talking with Chris for a while and she came over soon afterwards. We ended up hanging out and talking for a while until Jeopardy came on, and Chris woke up for that.
I woke up early in the morning yesterday for biology class and met Ashley who had been waiting outside with Jason for me. We went in and after a few minutes she asked if I had any money she could borrow to get breakfast, and said she'd pay me back as soon as we got home later. Of course I gave her some and walked with her to the little store. When we returned, the professor announced that our exam was being postponed from this Thursday to the following Tuesday which cheered a lot of people up.
Thus Ashley and I opted to leave! She needed to advance register and this was the last day, and we wanted to stop by the Florida Book Store to get free books and a present for her three year old Goddaughter. She's going to Orlando on Saturday for the party and is really looking forward to it. It would have also been an awesome week to go to Sea World because of the awesome warm weather, but oh well. We picked up a bunch of pretty useful textbooks. I have three introductory language books: German, Spanish, and Italian. I love those and also picked up Chrissy a German book and workbook which I think she'll love since you don't get to keep your books in high school. I also picked up Leigh Anne a Hebrew book with the possibility that she might find it useful, and although it is beyond her level, Michelle thanked me for getting it.
Ashley and I also went to Krystals and Gate for a big soda and gas. She had never eaten at Krystals and ate half of one of mine. She then dropped me off at Turlington for class and since we couldn't find a good present, we decided to go to the mall when I got home. Jessica first decided she would go with us, but then changed her mind, and I was glad because Ashley and I ended up having a lot of fun shopping and joking around. I was even being sweet to her. She was buying some cosmetics and said something. When I asked her what, she said she was only babbling to which I replied that everything she says is important. I said it with perfect timing and she really liked it. We ended up buying a really cute dress and had it gift wrapped. We also stopped at Eckerds and Publix so she could pick up a few things she needed.
Ashley told me that she would probably be writing her biology lab that night, and I invited her to come over and use my computer for any research she needs. She came over with Laura during Jeopardy and I was lying there with Leigh Anne. Whoops! They just wanted to borrow two eggs because they were baking a cake. I asked if I could have a piece since my birthday is coming up but I have yet to see it.
Leigh Anne and I decided to read a story on the computer and I showed her some of the little porno films on my computer. We were sitting together naked and I massaged her, mainly her very erect nipples, as she started arousing herself. She then made a big deal about being hurt about me not letting her read my journal. She turned facing me and rode me as I read her select lines from stuff I had written about her in the past. She said that it hurts her just because it seems like I don't trust her and that she wants to know exactly how I fell about her. She even said how she could have read my journal many times when I left and I told her that's where I trusted her.
We soon moved to the floor where I learned yet another interesting position where the girl is spread eagle and I'm holding up her legs with my arms. That was pretty intense. I'm increasing my rhythm, speed, and endurance very quickly and would give the world to be able to show off to Shar¡... just to have sex with that girl again and my life would be complete.
I came, and we later moved up to the bed where we had sex ("made love") in several fashions. The count for me is now ten for thirteen (orgasms per times we had sex). Lucky number thirteen. I've now had sex twice as much with Leigh Anne than I have had all my life with everyone else combined.
I woke up early in the morning yesterday for biology class and met Ashley who had been waiting outside with Jason for me. We went in and after a few minutes she asked if I had any money she could borrow to get breakfast, and said she'd pay me back as soon as we got home later. Of course I gave her some and walked with her to the little store. When we returned, the professor announced that our exam was being postponed from this Thursday to the following Tuesday which cheered a lot of people up.
Thus Ashley and I opted to leave! She needed to advance register and this was the last day, and we wanted to stop by the Florida Book Store to get free books and a present for her three year old Goddaughter. She's going to Orlando on Saturday for the party and is really looking forward to it. It would have also been an awesome week to go to Sea World because of the awesome warm weather, but oh well. We picked up a bunch of pretty useful textbooks. I have three introductory language books: German, Spanish, and Italian. I love those and also picked up Chrissy a German book and workbook which I think she'll love since you don't get to keep your books in high school. I also picked up Leigh Anne a Hebrew book with the possibility that she might find it useful, and although it is beyond her level, Michelle thanked me for getting it.
Ashley and I also went to Krystals and Gate for a big soda and gas. She had never eaten at Krystals and ate half of one of mine. She then dropped me off at Turlington for class and since we couldn't find a good present, we decided to go to the mall when I got home. Jessica first decided she would go with us, but then changed her mind, and I was glad because Ashley and I ended up having a lot of fun shopping and joking around. I was even being sweet to her. She was buying some cosmetics and said something. When I asked her what, she said she was only babbling to which I replied that everything she says is important. I said it with perfect timing and she really liked it. We ended up buying a really cute dress and had it gift wrapped. We also stopped at Eckerds and Publix so she could pick up a few things she needed.
Ashley told me that she would probably be writing her biology lab that night, and I invited her to come over and use my computer for any research she needs. She came over with Laura during Jeopardy and I was lying there with Leigh Anne. Whoops! They just wanted to borrow two eggs because they were baking a cake. I asked if I could have a piece since my birthday is coming up but I have yet to see it.
Leigh Anne and I decided to read a story on the computer and I showed her some of the little porno films on my computer. We were sitting together naked and I massaged her, mainly her very erect nipples, as she started arousing herself. She then made a big deal about being hurt about me not letting her read my journal. She turned facing me and rode me as I read her select lines from stuff I had written about her in the past. She said that it hurts her just because it seems like I don't trust her and that she wants to know exactly how I fell about her. She even said how she could have read my journal many times when I left and I told her that's where I trusted her.
We soon moved to the floor where I learned yet another interesting position where the girl is spread eagle and I'm holding up her legs with my arms. That was pretty intense. I'm increasing my rhythm, speed, and endurance very quickly and would give the world to be able to show off to Shar¡... just to have sex with that girl again and my life would be complete.
I came, and we later moved up to the bed where we had sex ("made love") in several fashions. The count for me is now ten for thirteen (orgasms per times we had sex). Lucky number thirteen. I've now had sex twice as much with Leigh Anne than I have had all my life with everyone else combined.
Thursday, November 11, 1993
November 11, 1993 - Thursday - Constantly around me!!!
Leigh Anne left me today to go off to Disney World with this guy named Jason she knows. She was really worried that I might get upset about her going and tried everything she could to make sure I didn't feel that way. She was a little insecure herself on Tuesday night and we fortunately got out of bed and had a long and really good talk. She broke down so easily and wants to know why I am so wonderful. She asked me to please forgive her afterwards and the next day because she was being stupid. I told her to never feel sorry about spilling her guts to me because obviously she needed to and there's no reason whatsoever for me to be mad or upset with her. She loves that so much and said that she can really see why people always came to me with their problems, because I know how to listen and make someone feel better.
I left her asleep on Tuesday when I went to class and found her later wearing one of my flannel shirts. I noticed it when she came over and was then in her room and she was trying to get me to say something about it. She and two of her roommates were giggling about it and were asking if I noticed anything different about Leigh Anne. I pretended to know nothing and just as she called me oblivious, I hugged her and looked straight in her eyes as I told her that she better wash it and have it hanging in my closet when she's done with it. We all started laughing then. I came home from studying with Chris a little early that night but she had gone over to Jason's because they were watching movies. She was later asking me if I was mad that she wasn't there when I got home and I told her that I don't expect her to wait around for me always because she has to keep somewhat of a social life of her own.
She told me once that she tends to get so attached that she'll be around constantly and if I ever get tired of her or just need a little space, to tell her so. I told her how much I've always wanted someone to want to be around me that much and I'm loving it.
I left again yesterday morning without saying goodbye, but I was in a hurry and didn't want to risk her getting mad because I woke her back up. I just hate to think that I might piss someone off by waking them back up just to say goodbye but she really wants me to. When I got home, she left me a message to call her at work. I did and we talked for quite a while. She told me that she really loves my voice over the phone and that I talk a lot more as well. I jokingly asked her what she wanted me to do on the phone, just sit there? She asked me if I was going to come and pick her up from work, but I said no, because I was going to eat, shave, and take a nap. She then said she'd call me before she left and we said goodbye.
I saw something about being neglectful in relationships on TV and realized how something as small as going to see Leigh Anne at work would make her so happy, and make me happy, too. Turning it into a surprise by not letting her know made it that much better I think. I ran into Michelle on the walk over to the Fine Arts Building where Leigh Anne works. I didn't recognize her at first because I wasn't wearing my glasses and was rather exhausted at the time, but fortunately she called out my name. We talked for a few minutes and when I told her that I was going to surprise Leigh Anne at work, she thought that was the sweetest thing and it really made her happy. She told me to say hi to her, that she misses her, and she loves her. She didn't think I'd really relay the message and seemed a little surprised when I promised that I would.
Leigh Anne seemed really glad that I showed up and had just called home about that time. Michelle asked her if she got her message but wouldn't say anything else so she wouldn't ruin the surprise if I hadn't shown up yet. It was hilarious listening to Leigh Anne try to dig the message out of Michelle, to no avail. As soon as she hung up, I told her and she had to call right back and ask if that was the message. It was really funny and we had a good time. She gave me a personal tour of the art exhibit after she got off work and we headed home. We walked past Laura who waved to me. I also received a letter from Carey Ann!!! that I let Leigh Anne read. I just wanted to brag about getting mail and she said that she knew because she had looked in our mailbox.
Leigh Anne and I have a little running joke about PDA (public displays of affection) and how we aren't doing them yet. She says that it usually takes her a long time do start and I agreed that it can take away from future prospects and we laughed about that. I think she's getting to the point now where we are going to start because I don't think she wants anybody else but me. We even did something in the elevator in front of some guy and she bragged that we actually did PDA! It was cute. I always joke that picking each other's nose is a form of PDA so we have to be careful not to do it outside of the room and we laughed. That's another thing she loves, how I can always interject something funny yet appropriate and be serious at the same time.
I had to go to a lecture by a member of a national archeological society that was being sponsored by Judy Turner, my honors teacher, at eight. Chris was going to go with me but I volunteered to take notes for us so that he could go home and visit Marty and she was very grateful and "owes me one." She and I talked earlier because she wanted our address and we joked around a little on the phone. It was pretty funny and she sounds gorgeous. Chris and I have joked that I am going to steal her from him if he's not careful and sometimes the stuff we say to each other via him scares him, like how much we are looking forward to finally meeting each other. Anyway, Leigh Anne wanted to cook me something to eat before I left, and after a little fight with her parents on the phone, she finally did so.
I then left her and Roswitha alone in my room and we joked about the fact that nobody who pays rent is there! It was pretty funny. I went and really enjoyed the presentation about Icarus. I was actually quite impressed. I stopped by the computer lab and scanned this porno story that Leigh Anne wrote a while back that she let Chris and I read the other night. I wanted to get a computer copy of it before she took her copy back. I came back to the room to find Leigh Anne still here waiting for me. I then showed her what I had done to her story and she at first was really surprised and asked me when I had the time to type it! I then told her the truth but she still liked the fact that I wanted a copy of it for myself.
Before long we were alone for the night and we made our way out of our clothes and into the bedroom. We decided to see how horny we could get reading some of the porno stories off of my computer and we didn't get through very many before we were concentrating far too much on each other to be reading any longer. I turned out the lights to make sure we didn't give a free show to everybody down on the street below and we ended up having a pretty intense experience...
I left her asleep on Tuesday when I went to class and found her later wearing one of my flannel shirts. I noticed it when she came over and was then in her room and she was trying to get me to say something about it. She and two of her roommates were giggling about it and were asking if I noticed anything different about Leigh Anne. I pretended to know nothing and just as she called me oblivious, I hugged her and looked straight in her eyes as I told her that she better wash it and have it hanging in my closet when she's done with it. We all started laughing then. I came home from studying with Chris a little early that night but she had gone over to Jason's because they were watching movies. She was later asking me if I was mad that she wasn't there when I got home and I told her that I don't expect her to wait around for me always because she has to keep somewhat of a social life of her own.
She told me once that she tends to get so attached that she'll be around constantly and if I ever get tired of her or just need a little space, to tell her so. I told her how much I've always wanted someone to want to be around me that much and I'm loving it.
I left again yesterday morning without saying goodbye, but I was in a hurry and didn't want to risk her getting mad because I woke her back up. I just hate to think that I might piss someone off by waking them back up just to say goodbye but she really wants me to. When I got home, she left me a message to call her at work. I did and we talked for quite a while. She told me that she really loves my voice over the phone and that I talk a lot more as well. I jokingly asked her what she wanted me to do on the phone, just sit there? She asked me if I was going to come and pick her up from work, but I said no, because I was going to eat, shave, and take a nap. She then said she'd call me before she left and we said goodbye.
I saw something about being neglectful in relationships on TV and realized how something as small as going to see Leigh Anne at work would make her so happy, and make me happy, too. Turning it into a surprise by not letting her know made it that much better I think. I ran into Michelle on the walk over to the Fine Arts Building where Leigh Anne works. I didn't recognize her at first because I wasn't wearing my glasses and was rather exhausted at the time, but fortunately she called out my name. We talked for a few minutes and when I told her that I was going to surprise Leigh Anne at work, she thought that was the sweetest thing and it really made her happy. She told me to say hi to her, that she misses her, and she loves her. She didn't think I'd really relay the message and seemed a little surprised when I promised that I would.
Leigh Anne seemed really glad that I showed up and had just called home about that time. Michelle asked her if she got her message but wouldn't say anything else so she wouldn't ruin the surprise if I hadn't shown up yet. It was hilarious listening to Leigh Anne try to dig the message out of Michelle, to no avail. As soon as she hung up, I told her and she had to call right back and ask if that was the message. It was really funny and we had a good time. She gave me a personal tour of the art exhibit after she got off work and we headed home. We walked past Laura who waved to me. I also received a letter from Carey Ann!!! that I let Leigh Anne read. I just wanted to brag about getting mail and she said that she knew because she had looked in our mailbox.
Leigh Anne and I have a little running joke about PDA (public displays of affection) and how we aren't doing them yet. She says that it usually takes her a long time do start and I agreed that it can take away from future prospects and we laughed about that. I think she's getting to the point now where we are going to start because I don't think she wants anybody else but me. We even did something in the elevator in front of some guy and she bragged that we actually did PDA! It was cute. I always joke that picking each other's nose is a form of PDA so we have to be careful not to do it outside of the room and we laughed. That's another thing she loves, how I can always interject something funny yet appropriate and be serious at the same time.
I had to go to a lecture by a member of a national archeological society that was being sponsored by Judy Turner, my honors teacher, at eight. Chris was going to go with me but I volunteered to take notes for us so that he could go home and visit Marty and she was very grateful and "owes me one." She and I talked earlier because she wanted our address and we joked around a little on the phone. It was pretty funny and she sounds gorgeous. Chris and I have joked that I am going to steal her from him if he's not careful and sometimes the stuff we say to each other via him scares him, like how much we are looking forward to finally meeting each other. Anyway, Leigh Anne wanted to cook me something to eat before I left, and after a little fight with her parents on the phone, she finally did so.
I then left her and Roswitha alone in my room and we joked about the fact that nobody who pays rent is there! It was pretty funny. I went and really enjoyed the presentation about Icarus. I was actually quite impressed. I stopped by the computer lab and scanned this porno story that Leigh Anne wrote a while back that she let Chris and I read the other night. I wanted to get a computer copy of it before she took her copy back. I came back to the room to find Leigh Anne still here waiting for me. I then showed her what I had done to her story and she at first was really surprised and asked me when I had the time to type it! I then told her the truth but she still liked the fact that I wanted a copy of it for myself.
Before long we were alone for the night and we made our way out of our clothes and into the bedroom. We decided to see how horny we could get reading some of the porno stories off of my computer and we didn't get through very many before we were concentrating far too much on each other to be reading any longer. I turned out the lights to make sure we didn't give a free show to everybody down on the street below and we ended up having a pretty intense experience...
Tuesday, November 9, 1993
November 9, 1993 - Tuesday - Eating with Leigh Anne
I was determined last night to finally get my act in gear and start studying again full time. I also took care of my advanced registration with Leigh Anne. She brought up White Castle in a conversation a few nights before and I mentioned that Krystals is the same thing. She hadn't ever been so we decided to go after registering. We both bought four cheese Krystals and they were actually delicious! She really liked them, too, and we ended up having a really nice talk during our meal.
We eventually made it home and soon all gathered around to watch Jeopardy. I fixed myself dinner because I was starving once again and she helped me to devour my fries. Chris made a rather lengthy phone call to Marty and then after finally ripping myself loose from Leigh Anne's grip, we headed out to study for a while. Chris noticed how much she didn't want to be away from me even for a little while and was really glad that I left and didn't let her have her way. We met up with Cecil whom I had chatted with earlier on the phone and we talked for a while about all of our relationships until we were kicked out of Turlington.
I stopped to say hello at the neighbor's room and Leigh Anne told me that she fixed me something to eat and told me to go to my room so she can surprise me. I was rather impressed although I had eaten only a little while earlier. It was sesame chicken and all of the guys were jealous.
I really like Leigh Anne's roommates as well because every one of them is starting to show signs that they enjoy talking to me and telling me things. Leigh Anne and I hung out back and forth in the two rooms for a while.
We made love at three in the morning on a chair in her room.
We eventually made it home and soon all gathered around to watch Jeopardy. I fixed myself dinner because I was starving once again and she helped me to devour my fries. Chris made a rather lengthy phone call to Marty and then after finally ripping myself loose from Leigh Anne's grip, we headed out to study for a while. Chris noticed how much she didn't want to be away from me even for a little while and was really glad that I left and didn't let her have her way. We met up with Cecil whom I had chatted with earlier on the phone and we talked for a while about all of our relationships until we were kicked out of Turlington.
I stopped to say hello at the neighbor's room and Leigh Anne told me that she fixed me something to eat and told me to go to my room so she can surprise me. I was rather impressed although I had eaten only a little while earlier. It was sesame chicken and all of the guys were jealous.
I really like Leigh Anne's roommates as well because every one of them is starting to show signs that they enjoy talking to me and telling me things. Leigh Anne and I hung out back and forth in the two rooms for a while.
We made love at three in the morning on a chair in her room.
Sunday, November 7, 1993
November 7, 1993 - Sunday - The real fair story!
I think this deal is going to work out for a while after all. Playing with Leigh Anne has become so much more bearable in the past twenty-four hours. Just to make it look like my life doesn't need to revolve around her, I was more than happy to accept an invitation from Ashley to go to the fair with them. They were almost ready so I got dressed and showed up within ten minutes. Ashley used my fine example to rag on Rob later on when he showed up late. I walked in and said hello to Laura, Jana, and Ashley. Laura took hold of my hand and then remembered that.....
Leigh Anne is trying to rape me right now. She just came in and pulled me away from my journal, pulled down my pants and started stroking me. She told me how much she loves stroking me, after which I glided her down to the floor and started making out with her. Knock knock! came the little drunken Aimee and now I'm back.
.....is how Ashley and I have sex. She was afraid she might catch some kind of disease but I promised her that we always used Saran wrap. Because she had my hand, I almost said Laura's name when I said hello to Ashley and she caught that and acted all offended it was funny. I then walked with Ashley to get her car and told her of my little exploit with my neighbor and how her boyfriend is no longer a problem. She told me that Daniel called her Friday and told her that he isn't talking to his parents, is still going to Boston, is still buying a motorcycle, and isn't coming home for either Thanksgiving or Christmas. She then told me that she met a guy at a party the night before and was meeting him at another get together after the fair.
I rode in the front of Ashley's car along with Rob and a goofy friend of his. Rob was being a sarcastic jerk about everything all night and I made some rather interesting comments through the night as well. It took us a while to get to the fair and I must admit that it looked a lot prettier through the woods than it did up close. I decided to make use of the evening by being at Laura's side. We were already talking a little bit back at the dorms and then she told me to come walk next to her so I took advantage of it. I sat with her and Ashley while they ate and at first things were kind of quiet. Laura was kind of spacing out in the direction of all of the lights and I told Ashley that Laura is in a moth's trance and we've lost her. We laughed and then I realized that she was looking at the big greasy bald cook instead. That was pretty funny and Ashley retorted by saying at least Laura isn't sleeping with her next door neighbor. That wasn't fair but oh well.
After that we were being rather jovial and Laura was the first to pint out a ride that looked just like our Mamba. We started recollecting our thoughts about Busch Gardens and she realized how scary it is that these people are operating the rides because she knows how little we used to pay attention. I added that these people are already stoned or drunk anyway and she agreed. It was pretty funny. Rob had joked to the ticket lady at the entrance that he wanted one child's ticket, since they are cheaper and thought his joke was pretty funny. I told him the lady has probably heard that a million times and Laura and I laughed and started talking about how people would always think they were the first to tell us a job related joke although we had already heard it fifty million times. We also agreed about how you would finally make a fake laugh that you would give to the guests just so they'd feel special and not get upset. It was funny.
I had an underlying fantasy about finding either Michael or Shar¡ working as a carnie, and I looked at them all. They were really desperate for business because it had rained and there weren't that many people there. They were offering to give us all prizes if any one of three could win. Ashley fell prey to one of the guy's talk and was having trouble getting away but I saved her. One offered me a free dart and said if I didn't win, I didn't have to pay. I think they often picked up an interest in my eyes because I was looking at each of the booths, although I was looking for my ex-girlfriend and not at their bullshit setups. There were a couple of cute young girls working and one flirted back beautifully. I was in an awesome mood and was giving every girl I could my sparkling blue eyed look.
Laura and I started sticking together for a while and even put our arms around each other periodically. She told me that we should still do that Busch thing sometime. I told her that I never planned on not doing it and she said that wasn't sure I still wanted to. Of course!!! I asked her if we are still engaged, and she said no, that she broke it off for someone else, and I was crushed. It seemed like an eternity for us to realize the mistake. She thought I was talking about the other guy she used to be engaged to and said that we still definitely are!!! Perfect! I told her that if we don't get to go over Thanksgiving then we'll definitely go over Christmas. I really was enjoying the way that she was talking to me and hanging around me. That made me feel good.
We went and looked at the livestock, the rabbits, cows, and chickens before heading out. We stopped be the grocery store on the way home so they could buy some fruit juice to go along with heir alcohol. I had forgotten to buy mayonnaise the other day so I picked up a jar and liked the attention I got for buying something so screwy. I told Laura and Ashley that I planned on having a lot of fun tonight and hinted at the jar and they thought that was gross. We then went back to Beaty and I surprised them when I said that I'd see them later when they got out of the elevator.
Leigh Anne is trying to rape me right now. She just came in and pulled me away from my journal, pulled down my pants and started stroking me. She told me how much she loves stroking me, after which I glided her down to the floor and started making out with her. Knock knock! came the little drunken Aimee and now I'm back.
.....is how Ashley and I have sex. She was afraid she might catch some kind of disease but I promised her that we always used Saran wrap. Because she had my hand, I almost said Laura's name when I said hello to Ashley and she caught that and acted all offended it was funny. I then walked with Ashley to get her car and told her of my little exploit with my neighbor and how her boyfriend is no longer a problem. She told me that Daniel called her Friday and told her that he isn't talking to his parents, is still going to Boston, is still buying a motorcycle, and isn't coming home for either Thanksgiving or Christmas. She then told me that she met a guy at a party the night before and was meeting him at another get together after the fair.
I rode in the front of Ashley's car along with Rob and a goofy friend of his. Rob was being a sarcastic jerk about everything all night and I made some rather interesting comments through the night as well. It took us a while to get to the fair and I must admit that it looked a lot prettier through the woods than it did up close. I decided to make use of the evening by being at Laura's side. We were already talking a little bit back at the dorms and then she told me to come walk next to her so I took advantage of it. I sat with her and Ashley while they ate and at first things were kind of quiet. Laura was kind of spacing out in the direction of all of the lights and I told Ashley that Laura is in a moth's trance and we've lost her. We laughed and then I realized that she was looking at the big greasy bald cook instead. That was pretty funny and Ashley retorted by saying at least Laura isn't sleeping with her next door neighbor. That wasn't fair but oh well.
After that we were being rather jovial and Laura was the first to pint out a ride that looked just like our Mamba. We started recollecting our thoughts about Busch Gardens and she realized how scary it is that these people are operating the rides because she knows how little we used to pay attention. I added that these people are already stoned or drunk anyway and she agreed. It was pretty funny. Rob had joked to the ticket lady at the entrance that he wanted one child's ticket, since they are cheaper and thought his joke was pretty funny. I told him the lady has probably heard that a million times and Laura and I laughed and started talking about how people would always think they were the first to tell us a job related joke although we had already heard it fifty million times. We also agreed about how you would finally make a fake laugh that you would give to the guests just so they'd feel special and not get upset. It was funny.
I had an underlying fantasy about finding either Michael or Shar¡ working as a carnie, and I looked at them all. They were really desperate for business because it had rained and there weren't that many people there. They were offering to give us all prizes if any one of three could win. Ashley fell prey to one of the guy's talk and was having trouble getting away but I saved her. One offered me a free dart and said if I didn't win, I didn't have to pay. I think they often picked up an interest in my eyes because I was looking at each of the booths, although I was looking for my ex-girlfriend and not at their bullshit setups. There were a couple of cute young girls working and one flirted back beautifully. I was in an awesome mood and was giving every girl I could my sparkling blue eyed look.
Laura and I started sticking together for a while and even put our arms around each other periodically. She told me that we should still do that Busch thing sometime. I told her that I never planned on not doing it and she said that wasn't sure I still wanted to. Of course!!! I asked her if we are still engaged, and she said no, that she broke it off for someone else, and I was crushed. It seemed like an eternity for us to realize the mistake. She thought I was talking about the other guy she used to be engaged to and said that we still definitely are!!! Perfect! I told her that if we don't get to go over Thanksgiving then we'll definitely go over Christmas. I really was enjoying the way that she was talking to me and hanging around me. That made me feel good.
We went and looked at the livestock, the rabbits, cows, and chickens before heading out. We stopped be the grocery store on the way home so they could buy some fruit juice to go along with heir alcohol. I had forgotten to buy mayonnaise the other day so I picked up a jar and liked the attention I got for buying something so screwy. I told Laura and Ashley that I planned on having a lot of fun tonight and hinted at the jar and they thought that was gross. We then went back to Beaty and I surprised them when I said that I'd see them later when they got out of the elevator.
Saturday, November 6, 1993
November 6, 1993 - Saturday - Off to bed!, Fair, Laura
What a meal!!! I just made my first and very successful attempt at duplicating spaghetti like "mom use to make." I really don't care for all of the spices and shit they put into already made sauces so I finally deiced to spend the extra time to make it from scratch, well almost. I cooked up half a package of ground beef and cooked it forever with a huge can of tomato soup and a can of tomato paste. The room started smelling like the house used to every Tuesday night on "spaghetti night." It can out almost identically to a batch of her best and it was so nostalgic when I took the first bite! It was also really nice to have familiar, REAL food. I fully enjoyed it and have another full helping waiting in the fridge for tomorrow night.
Well, now for my life. So much has happened in the past two days that it's almost scary. Leigh Anne went dancing Thursday night with her roommates and wasn't going to be home until late. I took the wild chance that she might actually try to come over again when she got home, so I left the door unlocked again. Chris had already left for Jacksonville so I figured only Jon might screw it up this time. I didn't really expect her to come either, and I fell right to sleep.
Well, stupid me never finished this journal in time to get all of the facts straight. By this time we had already had sex four times, three Thursday evening alone! Actually two of those were early the next morning, but what does that matter?
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December 3, 1993 - this is what happens when I don't finish a journal and try to go back to it later on. In this case, the following account of the fair is a month late, although I found out after I wrote it that I had already done so in tomorrow's entry. I'm saving both for comparison's sake...
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Tonight I decided to try and make Leigh Anne jealous, not really I just wanted to let her know I have friends of my own to go out with and also wanted to keep ties open with the others. I saw Ashley downstairs today just as Leigh Anne, Michelle, Aimee and I were heading off to see the end of the football game. I asked her if she'd give me a call if they decided to go to the Alachua County Fair. I had just laid down for a quick nap when Ashley called later on and she asked me if I still wanted to go. I said definitely and got ready in less than ten minutes by her request. It turned out that we were waiting for Rob and he took forever to come and they used my fine example to rag on his tardiness.
Laura and I were joking around quite a bit while we waited downstairs for Rob before Ashley and I headed across the street to get her car. I told her about Leigh Anne while we were gone. We then all headed off to the fair. Jamee, Jana and LAura rode in his truck and the rest of us, including a friend of Rob's went with Ashley. ROb was being a sarcastic ass and I was being nice and sweet and I think Ashley really liked that. We entered the fair and walked around for a while looking at all of the food places. They all decided to eat and I declined because Leigh Anne had just previously fixed me dinner. I sat with Laura and Ashley and we talked quite a bit. Ashley and I made fun of Laura who was in a daze at one point and was staring right at the big fat greasy fair cook. Ashley then turned on me and said at least LAura's not sleeping with her neighbor. I laughed it off but was pissed she said it so dramatically in front of Laura.
We then split up from Jamee and Jana and went to look at all of the rides and games. Laura was being a real sweetheart and kept telling me to come walk with her. The carnies were getting really desperate because of a lack of people and were offering us all kinds of deals. I knew a lot of the shit they pulled because of the stuff Shar¡ told me about the games or else I might have fallen for one or two. Ashley got sucked into one guy's bullshit and was too nice to say no. I walked up and put my arms around her shoulders like I was the big protective boyfriend and walked her away. She thanked me and told Laura how I saved her later. That as cool.
Of course I had an ulterior motive, I was desperately looking for Michael, or hell even for Shar¡! amidst the games. there were all kinds of freaks and there were actually a couple of pretty attractive girls. One really seemed to like the way I was looking at her and I had fun flirting like that. We then walked over to see the livestock, mainly the rabbits. Laura and I reaffirmed our date at Busch Gardens sometime in the future. I then asked her if our engagement is still on. She said no, that she broke it off for another one. I looked at her kind of funny and was hurt a little. We both then realized the miscommunication as she meant that she broke off the old engagement and ours is still going strong. We walked with our arms around each other for a few minutes after that.
After the fair, we stopped by Kash n Karry so they could buy fruit juice to mix with their alcohol. I bought a jar of mayonnaise because I had forgotten to the other day at the store, but the shock value was just as fun. I told Laura and Ashley after I bought it that I plan on having a lot of fun tonight and hinted at my bag. They thought I was gross.
Well, now for my life. So much has happened in the past two days that it's almost scary. Leigh Anne went dancing Thursday night with her roommates and wasn't going to be home until late. I took the wild chance that she might actually try to come over again when she got home, so I left the door unlocked again. Chris had already left for Jacksonville so I figured only Jon might screw it up this time. I didn't really expect her to come either, and I fell right to sleep.
Well, stupid me never finished this journal in time to get all of the facts straight. By this time we had already had sex four times, three Thursday evening alone! Actually two of those were early the next morning, but what does that matter?
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December 3, 1993 - this is what happens when I don't finish a journal and try to go back to it later on. In this case, the following account of the fair is a month late, although I found out after I wrote it that I had already done so in tomorrow's entry. I'm saving both for comparison's sake...
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Tonight I decided to try and make Leigh Anne jealous, not really I just wanted to let her know I have friends of my own to go out with and also wanted to keep ties open with the others. I saw Ashley downstairs today just as Leigh Anne, Michelle, Aimee and I were heading off to see the end of the football game. I asked her if she'd give me a call if they decided to go to the Alachua County Fair. I had just laid down for a quick nap when Ashley called later on and she asked me if I still wanted to go. I said definitely and got ready in less than ten minutes by her request. It turned out that we were waiting for Rob and he took forever to come and they used my fine example to rag on his tardiness.
Laura and I were joking around quite a bit while we waited downstairs for Rob before Ashley and I headed across the street to get her car. I told her about Leigh Anne while we were gone. We then all headed off to the fair. Jamee, Jana and LAura rode in his truck and the rest of us, including a friend of Rob's went with Ashley. ROb was being a sarcastic ass and I was being nice and sweet and I think Ashley really liked that. We entered the fair and walked around for a while looking at all of the food places. They all decided to eat and I declined because Leigh Anne had just previously fixed me dinner. I sat with Laura and Ashley and we talked quite a bit. Ashley and I made fun of Laura who was in a daze at one point and was staring right at the big fat greasy fair cook. Ashley then turned on me and said at least LAura's not sleeping with her neighbor. I laughed it off but was pissed she said it so dramatically in front of Laura.
We then split up from Jamee and Jana and went to look at all of the rides and games. Laura was being a real sweetheart and kept telling me to come walk with her. The carnies were getting really desperate because of a lack of people and were offering us all kinds of deals. I knew a lot of the shit they pulled because of the stuff Shar¡ told me about the games or else I might have fallen for one or two. Ashley got sucked into one guy's bullshit and was too nice to say no. I walked up and put my arms around her shoulders like I was the big protective boyfriend and walked her away. She thanked me and told Laura how I saved her later. That as cool.
Of course I had an ulterior motive, I was desperately looking for Michael, or hell even for Shar¡! amidst the games. there were all kinds of freaks and there were actually a couple of pretty attractive girls. One really seemed to like the way I was looking at her and I had fun flirting like that. We then walked over to see the livestock, mainly the rabbits. Laura and I reaffirmed our date at Busch Gardens sometime in the future. I then asked her if our engagement is still on. She said no, that she broke it off for another one. I looked at her kind of funny and was hurt a little. We both then realized the miscommunication as she meant that she broke off the old engagement and ours is still going strong. We walked with our arms around each other for a few minutes after that.
After the fair, we stopped by Kash n Karry so they could buy fruit juice to mix with their alcohol. I bought a jar of mayonnaise because I had forgotten to the other day at the store, but the shock value was just as fun. I told Laura and Ashley after I bought it that I plan on having a lot of fun tonight and hinted at my bag. They thought I was gross.
Thursday, November 4, 1993
November 4, 1993 - Thursday - It's just you and me kid
Surprise! I'm getting rather sick of this shit that Leigh Anne is playing. I am starting to get rather annoyed.
She was fighting with the freak until about four in the morning last night. She stopped by once last night after she had kicked him out for a while and came and visited me in bed for quite a while. She started giving me a nice little hand job and I had my hand between her legs for a few minutes. She had said that she was going to go for a few minutes just beforehand and I refused to continue my hand massage telling her to go already. She keeps kissing me quite a bit but in short meaningless pecks. It's so damn obvious that I'm being dragged along so she can have me when he's not here. I'm starting to think that I'm going to just put everything on hold until he leaves.
It's kind of funny how I have the same attitude now that Shar¡ claims she had with me when I was so excited about us being together. Now it seems that I'm reluctant when the girl wants to continue... it's always bass ackwards which might be why things haven't clicked to well ever.
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Last night we all left the room at the same time, for Jon and I were taking Chris' car to get groceries and Ed and Roswitha were off to study. We walked by the neighbor's room and Leigh Anne called out Jon's name and then mine from inside. Jon answered her but I didn't and she came out really quickly and asked me why. I kind of shrugged and got in the elevator. Jon kind of mouthed to her through the closing elevator door that she must be happy now that Jerry's back and he told me that by the reaction she gave him, she's not too thrilled. I told Jon what she had said about sleeping together just to give him a general idea of what's up while we were driving to the store. He asked me if I would sleep with her and I said that I think so. When we got home we were putting away the groceries when Leigh Anne popped in and we all started talking. He asked her how her botany test was and she said she bombed it. He commented that she really struck out. I snickered and agreed, saying that she has done so three times in one day! (the test, Jerry, and me) as I walked out the door to get my last bag from the car.
When I got back, Leigh Anne had gone and changed into her silk purple pajamas and Jon said that those weren't what he was talking about. He then said that she wants some purple lingerie but I couldn't care less. She then quickly ran me into my room and shut the door, trying to hold on to me again. She told me that my roommate gave her the third degree after I went downstairs. I kind of figured that he would talk to her or I would never have told him anything in the first place.
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I stopped by the room next door after getting home from lab for a little while. I talked to Michelle and Delisa for a few minutes before Delisa called Leigh Anne out of her room where she was with Jerry. Dumb cunt. After claiming she was going to kick him out and so forth, I was pissed that he is still here. She said that he is driving her insane for a change and then asked me about getting her Enya CD back just to get us out of the room together. We came over to my room and she immediately hooked onto me. Even in front of poor little Edward who was talking about something but I don't remember a damn thing that he said. She was telling me that she had thought about me a lot today while I was gone and also asked me why we never saw what we have between us earlier. She then said that maybe we did, but we just didn't say anything about it. I offered that at least I got to know her a little bit first, and she corrected me saying that I know everything about her. She knows as much about me and I said that at least there aren't many secrets between us right now.
I also told her how sexually frustrated she is making me after four nights of playing with me with no rewards. She said that all will change really soon. She was asking me how I feel about her and I truthfully told her that Jerry is really depressing me and she said that she knows.
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As I wrote this, along came Leigh Anne. Roswitha, the only other person in the place told her I was in my room. She came in wearing a robe and a towel around her head, because she did just get out of the shower. I moved my keyboard out of my lap and she straddled me right here in front of the window. I put my hands around her back and then on her butt, which she quickly urged under her robe, a free show for all down on the street if only they had looked up. She asked me what I was thinking now, and I told her how annoying all of her questions are starting to get, and I asked her when she is going to stop. She told me as soon as I give her a strong answer because she doesn't catch on to hints too easily.
She looked at me once and told me that I really do have long eyelashes like that psychiatrist said. She then realized that I am only eighteen and was surprised that I graduated the same year she did and never skipped any grades. She then said that she better head back because she only told her roommates that she was coming to tell me when they were leaving to see the "movies on the beach" on the big portable screen down by the pool. I asked her why it matters, for it's better to keep the mystery in their minds anyway. She laughed and asked me like my roommates who she figures have no idea what's up despite her always coming over to see me.
She stood up and said that it was a shame that I had an almost naked woman over and didn't take advantage of it. I hadn't let go of her yet and told her that I didn't say she could go. She turned back towards me an untied her rode and exposed herself to me. I kissed a breasts gently as I slid my hands down and around her towards her crotch. She quivered and told me for the millionth time how much she loves the way I touch her... so gentle, and asked me if I always this way. I told her that it completely depends on the person I'm with. She asked me what I am thinking now, so I turned her questions on her. I asked her what she thinks I am thinking, and changed that to what she is afraid that I am thinking. She said that she just doesn't want me to think I am her second choice, and I questioned her about that and she swears it is true.
I moved my hand down over her crotch and started rubbing and that really got her going. She had tried just a second earlier to get into my shorts but I told her that it wouldn't do any good because I have a bathing suit on underneath. She told me that now is a good time to stop being gentle for a little bit and pushed my finger into her. I took heed and started finger fucking her. She asked me if she turns me on and I told her that if I said no, then I'd definitely be lying. I then got to use the line about her leaving me frustrated again and this time got the response I wanted. I was very disappointed at how it flopped just a little while earlier. I told her that she does turn me on, for she has left me with blue balls every night and she liked that and said that we'll have to do something about that. She asked me what I was thinking and this time I said some awesome stuff that twice kind of surprised her and said that I'm saying the right stuff now.
She asked me if I think I'll fall for her and I asked her who said I haven't already started. She really liked that but I did let her know that JErry kind of throws a wrench into my feelings. I think everything has been explained quite well at this point. She told me that she wants to make me so happy and will do everything she can to reach that goal. That was kind of interesting. This entire time I was still sliding my fingers in her, and finally I slid them out and rubbed her clit a little bit. She definitely left a happy woman. She fixed her robe and towel back and laughed as she said that it looks just like nothing every happened.
Jon was sitting in the other room watching the Simpsons and he gave her a really accusing smile which she proceeded to beat him about. When he had walked in, she jumped up for a second and closed her robe, but I told her that whoever it was wouldn't be coming in here because Chris is gone so she smiled and said, "Oh!" as she quickly flung it back open. I then asked Jon why he didn't tell me that the Simpsons were on because he knows I'll stop doing anything for the Simpsons. It took Leigh Anne a second to realize that I was referring to us screwing around and she came up to me and said, "Oh really?" It was pretty funny. In private she keeps telling me that she's really going to make me fall for her and is really glad that we will have so much time together. I told her that any amount of time isn't enough and she loved that, and then figured that we can have up to at least three more years together here in Gainesville. Yeah, right!
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Well, after a little convincing on her part, I finally agreed to go to the movies with her, Michelle, and Jerry. I was really looking forward to going with her by ourselves last night but I think things work out very much for the best. I also have never even seen the guy except for at that fire alarm with Laura. I had only seen his feet sticking out on her bed, or so forth. I finally went over to her room for a few minutes and started talking to Michelle and Jerry was in the bathroom. I talked to Leigh Anne for a few minutes as if I were only a friend going with them. She told me earlier that he already knew that I was going and I'm suddenly curious to know how much he has heard about me, if anything. Once I saw him, I realized that this might indeed be fun. I went and got ready and came back over.
I was rooting through their stuff on the table and was acting like I was at home in front of Jerry. I was also being very friendly with Michelle. We discovered a personality test of Leigh Anne's and she wanted to take it so we sat there reading through it together. I came up with some funny explanations for some of the questions that she liked. Leigh Anne joined in and we effectively excluded Jerry from things for quite some time. I liked that. Ed and Roswitha walked by one time and said hello. We finally headed out and had an interesting little episode in the elevator. Jerry was towards the front with Leigh Anne right behind him and me right behind her. I poked her in the butt and she started bouncing slowly onto me. Michelle joked that it was a Leigh Anne sandwich but I thought there was too much mayonnaise.
When we got outside we were joking around and that's when Jerry and I introduced ourselves. I suddenly realized the controversy that would be caused if Jerry and I were to become acquainted. That might prove interesting and extremely stressful for Leigh Anne. When we got to the movie, they spread out a blanket and I spread out my beach towel so that I could completely lay down. I sat so that Michelle was in between Leigh Anne and I, with Jerry on the far side. Both Michelle and I took off our shoes and relaxed. The movie was Sleepless in Seattle and they said a lot of stuff about finding the right person and so forth and Leigh Anne and I would look at each other at some pretty interesting moments. She would reach her arm across to nudge me every once in a while and continuously pleaded with me not to be angry with her.
I laid down once to take a quick nap and she came over and laid her head on my back. She told me a little while later that he just spent twenty minutes telling her how much he misses his last girlfriend and how they were really meant for each other. After telling me that, she went back over next to him and told him that he might as well go back to her. He got up and walked away pretty soon after that and she went after him and ended up kicking his ass out of her room and life (supposedly!) for good. She came back and told Michelle that, "It's just you and me now, kid!" I thought to myself what about me, until she came over to me and whispered the same thing.
We came back pretty soon and Leigh Anne and I realized what this all meant. They are out dancing right now, but she said that I have to leave the door unlocked so she can surprise me tonight. She said that I should of last night because she tried to come over at four but it was locked. I was pissed because I told Chris to leave it unlocked! She said that this means tonight may be the beginning of us being "together." She asked me once if "we" are going to work out. I asked her if she wants "us" to work out and she said that she does more than anything. I replied that if two people want something as bad as we both do then it's bound to happen and she loved that! I effectively summed up both of our feelings without every saying mine and thus it was clever and beautiful at the same time. She said that I always seem to know exactly what to say and I liked that.
I cooked her a little bit of dinner to eat and we played around and had a really good time. She asked me why my touch always makes her shiver, and I replied that it must be my freezing hands. She finally told me that she doesn't mean like that, she means she shivers on the inside, and her stomach seems to do flips. Who knows?
She was fighting with the freak until about four in the morning last night. She stopped by once last night after she had kicked him out for a while and came and visited me in bed for quite a while. She started giving me a nice little hand job and I had my hand between her legs for a few minutes. She had said that she was going to go for a few minutes just beforehand and I refused to continue my hand massage telling her to go already. She keeps kissing me quite a bit but in short meaningless pecks. It's so damn obvious that I'm being dragged along so she can have me when he's not here. I'm starting to think that I'm going to just put everything on hold until he leaves.
It's kind of funny how I have the same attitude now that Shar¡ claims she had with me when I was so excited about us being together. Now it seems that I'm reluctant when the girl wants to continue... it's always bass ackwards which might be why things haven't clicked to well ever.
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Last night we all left the room at the same time, for Jon and I were taking Chris' car to get groceries and Ed and Roswitha were off to study. We walked by the neighbor's room and Leigh Anne called out Jon's name and then mine from inside. Jon answered her but I didn't and she came out really quickly and asked me why. I kind of shrugged and got in the elevator. Jon kind of mouthed to her through the closing elevator door that she must be happy now that Jerry's back and he told me that by the reaction she gave him, she's not too thrilled. I told Jon what she had said about sleeping together just to give him a general idea of what's up while we were driving to the store. He asked me if I would sleep with her and I said that I think so. When we got home we were putting away the groceries when Leigh Anne popped in and we all started talking. He asked her how her botany test was and she said she bombed it. He commented that she really struck out. I snickered and agreed, saying that she has done so three times in one day! (the test, Jerry, and me) as I walked out the door to get my last bag from the car.
When I got back, Leigh Anne had gone and changed into her silk purple pajamas and Jon said that those weren't what he was talking about. He then said that she wants some purple lingerie but I couldn't care less. She then quickly ran me into my room and shut the door, trying to hold on to me again. She told me that my roommate gave her the third degree after I went downstairs. I kind of figured that he would talk to her or I would never have told him anything in the first place.
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I stopped by the room next door after getting home from lab for a little while. I talked to Michelle and Delisa for a few minutes before Delisa called Leigh Anne out of her room where she was with Jerry. Dumb cunt. After claiming she was going to kick him out and so forth, I was pissed that he is still here. She said that he is driving her insane for a change and then asked me about getting her Enya CD back just to get us out of the room together. We came over to my room and she immediately hooked onto me. Even in front of poor little Edward who was talking about something but I don't remember a damn thing that he said. She was telling me that she had thought about me a lot today while I was gone and also asked me why we never saw what we have between us earlier. She then said that maybe we did, but we just didn't say anything about it. I offered that at least I got to know her a little bit first, and she corrected me saying that I know everything about her. She knows as much about me and I said that at least there aren't many secrets between us right now.
I also told her how sexually frustrated she is making me after four nights of playing with me with no rewards. She said that all will change really soon. She was asking me how I feel about her and I truthfully told her that Jerry is really depressing me and she said that she knows.
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As I wrote this, along came Leigh Anne. Roswitha, the only other person in the place told her I was in my room. She came in wearing a robe and a towel around her head, because she did just get out of the shower. I moved my keyboard out of my lap and she straddled me right here in front of the window. I put my hands around her back and then on her butt, which she quickly urged under her robe, a free show for all down on the street if only they had looked up. She asked me what I was thinking now, and I told her how annoying all of her questions are starting to get, and I asked her when she is going to stop. She told me as soon as I give her a strong answer because she doesn't catch on to hints too easily.
She looked at me once and told me that I really do have long eyelashes like that psychiatrist said. She then realized that I am only eighteen and was surprised that I graduated the same year she did and never skipped any grades. She then said that she better head back because she only told her roommates that she was coming to tell me when they were leaving to see the "movies on the beach" on the big portable screen down by the pool. I asked her why it matters, for it's better to keep the mystery in their minds anyway. She laughed and asked me like my roommates who she figures have no idea what's up despite her always coming over to see me.
She stood up and said that it was a shame that I had an almost naked woman over and didn't take advantage of it. I hadn't let go of her yet and told her that I didn't say she could go. She turned back towards me an untied her rode and exposed herself to me. I kissed a breasts gently as I slid my hands down and around her towards her crotch. She quivered and told me for the millionth time how much she loves the way I touch her... so gentle, and asked me if I always this way. I told her that it completely depends on the person I'm with. She asked me what I am thinking now, so I turned her questions on her. I asked her what she thinks I am thinking, and changed that to what she is afraid that I am thinking. She said that she just doesn't want me to think I am her second choice, and I questioned her about that and she swears it is true.
I moved my hand down over her crotch and started rubbing and that really got her going. She had tried just a second earlier to get into my shorts but I told her that it wouldn't do any good because I have a bathing suit on underneath. She told me that now is a good time to stop being gentle for a little bit and pushed my finger into her. I took heed and started finger fucking her. She asked me if she turns me on and I told her that if I said no, then I'd definitely be lying. I then got to use the line about her leaving me frustrated again and this time got the response I wanted. I was very disappointed at how it flopped just a little while earlier. I told her that she does turn me on, for she has left me with blue balls every night and she liked that and said that we'll have to do something about that. She asked me what I was thinking and this time I said some awesome stuff that twice kind of surprised her and said that I'm saying the right stuff now.
She asked me if I think I'll fall for her and I asked her who said I haven't already started. She really liked that but I did let her know that JErry kind of throws a wrench into my feelings. I think everything has been explained quite well at this point. She told me that she wants to make me so happy and will do everything she can to reach that goal. That was kind of interesting. This entire time I was still sliding my fingers in her, and finally I slid them out and rubbed her clit a little bit. She definitely left a happy woman. She fixed her robe and towel back and laughed as she said that it looks just like nothing every happened.
Jon was sitting in the other room watching the Simpsons and he gave her a really accusing smile which she proceeded to beat him about. When he had walked in, she jumped up for a second and closed her robe, but I told her that whoever it was wouldn't be coming in here because Chris is gone so she smiled and said, "Oh!" as she quickly flung it back open. I then asked Jon why he didn't tell me that the Simpsons were on because he knows I'll stop doing anything for the Simpsons. It took Leigh Anne a second to realize that I was referring to us screwing around and she came up to me and said, "Oh really?" It was pretty funny. In private she keeps telling me that she's really going to make me fall for her and is really glad that we will have so much time together. I told her that any amount of time isn't enough and she loved that, and then figured that we can have up to at least three more years together here in Gainesville. Yeah, right!
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Well, after a little convincing on her part, I finally agreed to go to the movies with her, Michelle, and Jerry. I was really looking forward to going with her by ourselves last night but I think things work out very much for the best. I also have never even seen the guy except for at that fire alarm with Laura. I had only seen his feet sticking out on her bed, or so forth. I finally went over to her room for a few minutes and started talking to Michelle and Jerry was in the bathroom. I talked to Leigh Anne for a few minutes as if I were only a friend going with them. She told me earlier that he already knew that I was going and I'm suddenly curious to know how much he has heard about me, if anything. Once I saw him, I realized that this might indeed be fun. I went and got ready and came back over.
I was rooting through their stuff on the table and was acting like I was at home in front of Jerry. I was also being very friendly with Michelle. We discovered a personality test of Leigh Anne's and she wanted to take it so we sat there reading through it together. I came up with some funny explanations for some of the questions that she liked. Leigh Anne joined in and we effectively excluded Jerry from things for quite some time. I liked that. Ed and Roswitha walked by one time and said hello. We finally headed out and had an interesting little episode in the elevator. Jerry was towards the front with Leigh Anne right behind him and me right behind her. I poked her in the butt and she started bouncing slowly onto me. Michelle joked that it was a Leigh Anne sandwich but I thought there was too much mayonnaise.
When we got outside we were joking around and that's when Jerry and I introduced ourselves. I suddenly realized the controversy that would be caused if Jerry and I were to become acquainted. That might prove interesting and extremely stressful for Leigh Anne. When we got to the movie, they spread out a blanket and I spread out my beach towel so that I could completely lay down. I sat so that Michelle was in between Leigh Anne and I, with Jerry on the far side. Both Michelle and I took off our shoes and relaxed. The movie was Sleepless in Seattle and they said a lot of stuff about finding the right person and so forth and Leigh Anne and I would look at each other at some pretty interesting moments. She would reach her arm across to nudge me every once in a while and continuously pleaded with me not to be angry with her.
I laid down once to take a quick nap and she came over and laid her head on my back. She told me a little while later that he just spent twenty minutes telling her how much he misses his last girlfriend and how they were really meant for each other. After telling me that, she went back over next to him and told him that he might as well go back to her. He got up and walked away pretty soon after that and she went after him and ended up kicking his ass out of her room and life (supposedly!) for good. She came back and told Michelle that, "It's just you and me now, kid!" I thought to myself what about me, until she came over to me and whispered the same thing.
We came back pretty soon and Leigh Anne and I realized what this all meant. They are out dancing right now, but she said that I have to leave the door unlocked so she can surprise me tonight. She said that I should of last night because she tried to come over at four but it was locked. I was pissed because I told Chris to leave it unlocked! She said that this means tonight may be the beginning of us being "together." She asked me once if "we" are going to work out. I asked her if she wants "us" to work out and she said that she does more than anything. I replied that if two people want something as bad as we both do then it's bound to happen and she loved that! I effectively summed up both of our feelings without every saying mine and thus it was clever and beautiful at the same time. She said that I always seem to know exactly what to say and I liked that.
I cooked her a little bit of dinner to eat and we played around and had a really good time. She asked me why my touch always makes her shiver, and I replied that it must be my freezing hands. She finally told me that she doesn't mean like that, she means she shivers on the inside, and her stomach seems to do flips. Who knows?
Wednesday, November 3, 1993
November 3, 1993 - Wednesday - Balloons for Leigh Anne!
Day three went rather well, I must say. After class yesterday, during which I talked to Katie quite a bit, I walked home and started to pee. I wasn't even half way done before somebody started knocking on the door, and of course it was Leigh Anne. She said that she was sorry for not getting up to walk to fifth period with me but she didn't even really wake up until she heard me talking to Michelle before I left. I said that it was fine and then walked her to her job at this little museum gallery in the Fine Arts Building. I carried her lunch for her and made sure to get as many of the doors as possible and she thought that was really sweet.
She showed up last night just after six and asked why I was here, since I told her I'd be at the bonfire. I told her it was because Chris is on the phone with Marty. I asked her if she wanted to walk down to see the fireworks but unfortunately she had people coming over to study for her botany exam which was today. I was writing my journal and she suddenly remembered that I keep one and asked what I had written about her. I joked that I had forgotten about her even coming over! We talked for a while and before long, Cecil, Ed and Roswitha showed up. Ed called out asking anybody if they wanted to go to the bonfire and Leigh Anne nudged me and I looked at her saying that of course I was going. Chris kind of forced us, along with the commanding intervention of Roswitha to watch Jeopardy before we left. I was impressed with the fact that Leigh Anne knew a lot and we all actually came up with quite a few answers.
Leigh Anne and I sat on opposite sides of the room and acted pretty much oblivious of each other the entire time which I didn't think looked that great, but oh well. Leigh Anne's guests finally arrived and all I saw was a guy going in as we all left for the bonfire. We walked all of the way there and were having a rather decent conversation. I always like talking to Roswitha because she's pretty versed on the stuff I like to talk about and we always seem to appreciate each others ideas. When we got there we just walked amidst all of the people and I was looking and flirting hard with all of the women there.
I just had a very strong conflict of mental interest. I used to always refer to the females on campus as girls, but it just sounded wrong to me when I wrote it in the last paragraph and had to change it to women. I think it has a lot to do with me growing up and realizing that I am an "adult" now and therefore my peers must be "adults" as well. There's still the slightest bit of doubt in my mind, but I think that the whole thing stems off of the added maturity I feel just from talking again with Kimmeth.
Anyway, Ed and I walked around for a little while by ourselves "looking for women" as Roswitha "looked for men!" That was kind of interesting hearing the two of them say that as I was personally missing the good old days when Ed and I used to go looking for women during the abundance of our spare time. This is when I told Ed all about what happened between Leigh Anne and I the night before. We then got ourselves a really good up front view of the bonfire and then walked over and sat in the band's bleacher to watch the firework show. I was extremely impressed by the size of the show considering that it was only for a small college homecoming group. It was nothing compared to Boomsday but I still thoroughly enjoyed it.
Our bleacher had a large clump of orange and blue balloons tied to both upper corners. I had the thieving idea that I was going to use my razor to cut one loose to take home with me. Thus we sat blocking off the corner so nobody else would get the same idea and get to them first. there was a lot of security people but they were all from fraternities and I figured if they really cared, I would just hand him the balloons and it wouldn't be any big deal. I told them to walk through the crowd however because a security person is less likely to be a dick around other people than alone in the outskirts. After the finale, which made a lot of noise which is a must I think for any good fireworks show, I stood up and cut my clump loose. A family of four went for the others after they saw me and the mom asked if I had a knife. I leant it to them and she said that they were trying to use toenail clippers, and explained that they really like balloons. We laughed as I said that I understand, hinting at my handful of almost fifteen big balloons.
As we neared the parking lot there were these two gorgeous girls walking behind the three of us. One whispered very quietly that I got THE balloons and that she wanted one. I am so use to eavesdropping that I quickly worked one loose from the bunch and turned around and walked over handing it to her with a big smile on my face. She was really happy, and embarrassed exclaiming that she didn't think I could hear her. It was really funny and it made me feel really good to do something that nice. I love making someone's day!!!
We then stuffed all of the balloons in the car as Ed drove, very slowly, back to Beaty. As we walked by Leigh Anne's room, Roswitha pretended she was going to knock on their door and smiled at me, but I really did knock but kept walking. I could hear them yelling for me to come in, and it took a long time for them to come to the door, but fortunately she did because I couldn't have planned the surprise better. I truly did intend to surprise Leigh Anne with a huge bouquet of balloons because I knew she'd like them plus they were costless. It doesn't get better than that. Anyway, she came to the door just as I stuffed all of the balloons into my room and was just standing there. She looked at me and called me a jerk because I didn't come in and then I told her I brought a surprise for her. She perked up and started coming towards me and I pulled them out.
I have never seen her more happy as she took them and showed them off to everybody in the room before tying them up in her room. She was REALLY happy, you could just tell in her eyes. I quickly left the room so that they all could get their questions answered by Leigh Anne and also because I was a little embarrassed. Leigh Anne told me later that as soon as I left, Delisa suddenly interrogated her since Leigh Anne had slept in my bed the night before and now this! It was really funny. She came over a little while later and watched Start Trek with Jon and I. She and I were both dead tired and it was a very quiet hour and I would have loved doing anything but what we were doing.
Things finally heated up after the show as we were talking about her test today. She told me that she wished she would have gone with me to the Bonfire, and would have if she knew only that one guy was going to show up to study. I told her that it would have only ruined my surprise and was pretty glad she didn't. She mentioned that they learned how to make beer in her botany class and I pulled out my Budweiser pamphlet from Busch Gardens that showed how beer is brewed. After looking at it she exclaimed that it was the exact thing that her teacher photocopied and gave to them and she had really wondered what the pictures were of that he blanked out. It was kind of funny.
We came into my room and she went to hop up into bed but I pulled her right back down because she was still in shoes. I showed her a coupon I had found for four dollars off admissions to Busch Gardens in case we decide to go. She started looking at an article on the Kumba and I pulled out the other information I have about it to show her. Fortunately a bunch of it is in my award book so she started looking at those. I pretended like I wanted her to stop but she told me that she wanted to see how much of a nerd I really am. She also asked me if I went to a school of retards and that was why I was valedictorian! She also read my conveniently placed psychological evaluation.
I climbed up with her soon afterwards and I told her she didn't get a real backrub tonight because I really needed to go to sleep soon. We messed around for a little while and she found out that I am ticklish and was taking advantage of that around my crotch. I tried to tickle her but she claimed that she's not ticklish at all and I asked why she was the night before. She claimed that she was very turned on the night before and if that doesn't make one feel special, then I don't know what will. She also likes to say everything she feels and tells me what she wants to do for me quite often. We joked about that later and she said that she gets embarrassed because sometimes the stuff she says is really corny, but it is almost always true. That conversation was really cute.
Every once in a while I would touch her or rub her in such a way that she would moan. She told me that she really likes the way I touch her, like I actually care... so gentle. I think that's one of my best talents and the girls I have dealt with are so used to bumbling idiots that I seem so much better to them.
She was wearing a tight white shirt and I asked her if it was a leotard. She said no and asked why. I told her that I didn't want to do this if it was as I pulled it out of her pants rather quickly. She thought about it for a second and then started laughing really hard after admitting that it would really have hurt if it was. She then thanked me for asking first and then said that she was impressed that I know the real word for a leotard, instead of a body suit. It was a pretty funny little incident.
We listened to the radio for a while as we fooled around and this time she was lying on top of me. She moved down and kissed my stomach as she slid her fingers up my shorts. She then was rubbing me with both hands through my shorts and that felt damn good. She looked so ready to give me a blow job and I think I'm finally going to get one!!! That's awesome. Leigh Anne also kept thanking me repeatedly for the balloons. I kept telling her that she didn't have to do that anymore but she said that it was probably the nicest thing anybody has ever done for her because it was a surprise. Of course it made me feel awesome once again to be able to make somebody else feel so good.
Amy came over into the room once and called out Leigh Anne's name. She leant up over the edge of the bed and opened the door to answer her. It was kind of funny. She eventually decided that she needed to go eat since her stomach was growling and she needed to study a little more. I kept expressing my desire to sleep so she figured it would be best for both of us. She got a long distance call as she was leaving and came over one last time to say goodnight after she was done. She snuck in a gave me a kiss and we hugged as she said goodbye.
Ashley and I didn't make it to class this morning because she woke up really late. Fortunately I was running late and hadn't gotten dressed when she called, so I went back to sleep. I seemed to pass so many people today that I know both on the way to class and on the way home. I was very impressed. I even stopped to talk to April for quite a while.
In psychology, Karen was being especially wonderful today. I really like being with her and joking around with her. She came bouncing up once again with a big smile on her face and we started joking around right from the start. I found out that she only made a twenty-two on our exam and she was kind of upset about that. All through class we kept talking to each other and would casually look at each other every once in a while in a somewhat sexual way. There are just certain things about our looks that are different and I really enjoy them. Griggs was commenting on disorders today and he exemplified socially unacceptable behavior by saying that nobody in the class seems to have a habit of picking their noses! We all laughed and I reached over pretending to hold her arm down and asked her if she'd been putting her finger in her nose again! It was funny. It was interesting, too, because she answered by saying, "Well Dan, you know..." So she does know my name!
We were talking about schizophrenia later and she said that she hears people calling her name all of the time at work. I told her that she has a pretty common name and does work at a grocery store where lots of people come through who are named that. I just wanted her to know that I know her name as well. It was kind of funny. We then walked together after class and she got some change to do laundry with later. I joked that I spent my last dollar on a loaf of bread yesterday, and it sucks because all of my underwear are dirty so I'll have to scrounge up some change. She then stopped to get a drink and we were still talking. She then asked me if I wanted a drink!!!, and I happily declined. I just felt so special that she would have been so nice as to buy me a drink!
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And as my four days of luck run out... (Actually I'd like to think there will be some tremendously residual effects, but we'll see.) I walked downstairs with Chris a few minutes ago to send him on his way to study. Michelle from next door came walking out of the downstairs library and I quickly latched onto her gaining a free ride into her room. When we got upstairs, to my delightful surprise, I found that Jerry had indeed returned to "be with" Leigh Anne. She has warned me that he is still a part of her life (for I did interject myself the same day he left) and told me last night that she had a really good idea that he would show up today.
Of course she ran out to save face as soon as I came in and I was quick to walk out of the room, saying goodbye to Michelle. Leigh Anne almost chased me down and came into my room with me. Shar¡ said that he might stick around for a while because he got a new job that is closer to here than his house, but plans on moving in with his cousin really shortly. We were standing there holding each other while we talked and she told me that things will settle down before long. I told her that I understand and really respect the fact that she is telling me the truth. I wanted to say that I have promoted many a break up for my own benefit, and I don't see it as that big a deal. Of course it upsets me somewhat but I told her that I've waited this long, so what's a little bit longer. I am fortunately not getting attached in this case for right now because this whole idea is a sex for convenience deal.
She kissed me and kept doing so and was rubbing her hands on my lower extremities. I find it funny that she thinks every guy is so hung up on sex that she must reassure me in that manner. I do like it, but I am extremely forgiving and don't really need it. She told me that she thinks things will be a lot better once we get to sleep together and I asked her if she really thinks so. She said that I'm supposed to say how wonderful that sounds... yeah right. I did say something sweet at the end and sent her on her merry way.
Of course I'll whine to Ashley that I fucked up again by getting involved with a girl with a boyfriend. He he. I also keep thinking in patterns which are a major pattern in my life, but I have yet to figure out a relationship pattern. Someone I'd marry and really enjoyed (Nicole), sex for convenience with a girl with a boyfriend that I wouldn't stay with in a million years and actually was embarrassed to be seen with (Abby), someone I'd marry and really enjoyed (Shar¡)..... sex for convenience (Leigh Anne)????? Who knows. Or perhaps actual intercourse will come into play and like Nicole, Leigh Anne and I will fool around but never get that far. I was teased with hopes of a blow job with Nicole, like I am now with Leigh Ann... so who knows? Of course in all cases there is an underlying deep friendship persisting (Kimmeth to Ashley).
Maybe I shouldn't be so analytical but my mind is truly overactive and sometimes I can't help it. The way it looks, since Leigh Anne and I will be so physically unavoidably close for so long, it almost (hopefully) seems inevitable...
She showed up last night just after six and asked why I was here, since I told her I'd be at the bonfire. I told her it was because Chris is on the phone with Marty. I asked her if she wanted to walk down to see the fireworks but unfortunately she had people coming over to study for her botany exam which was today. I was writing my journal and she suddenly remembered that I keep one and asked what I had written about her. I joked that I had forgotten about her even coming over! We talked for a while and before long, Cecil, Ed and Roswitha showed up. Ed called out asking anybody if they wanted to go to the bonfire and Leigh Anne nudged me and I looked at her saying that of course I was going. Chris kind of forced us, along with the commanding intervention of Roswitha to watch Jeopardy before we left. I was impressed with the fact that Leigh Anne knew a lot and we all actually came up with quite a few answers.
Leigh Anne and I sat on opposite sides of the room and acted pretty much oblivious of each other the entire time which I didn't think looked that great, but oh well. Leigh Anne's guests finally arrived and all I saw was a guy going in as we all left for the bonfire. We walked all of the way there and were having a rather decent conversation. I always like talking to Roswitha because she's pretty versed on the stuff I like to talk about and we always seem to appreciate each others ideas. When we got there we just walked amidst all of the people and I was looking and flirting hard with all of the women there.
I just had a very strong conflict of mental interest. I used to always refer to the females on campus as girls, but it just sounded wrong to me when I wrote it in the last paragraph and had to change it to women. I think it has a lot to do with me growing up and realizing that I am an "adult" now and therefore my peers must be "adults" as well. There's still the slightest bit of doubt in my mind, but I think that the whole thing stems off of the added maturity I feel just from talking again with Kimmeth.
Anyway, Ed and I walked around for a little while by ourselves "looking for women" as Roswitha "looked for men!" That was kind of interesting hearing the two of them say that as I was personally missing the good old days when Ed and I used to go looking for women during the abundance of our spare time. This is when I told Ed all about what happened between Leigh Anne and I the night before. We then got ourselves a really good up front view of the bonfire and then walked over and sat in the band's bleacher to watch the firework show. I was extremely impressed by the size of the show considering that it was only for a small college homecoming group. It was nothing compared to Boomsday but I still thoroughly enjoyed it.
Our bleacher had a large clump of orange and blue balloons tied to both upper corners. I had the thieving idea that I was going to use my razor to cut one loose to take home with me. Thus we sat blocking off the corner so nobody else would get the same idea and get to them first. there was a lot of security people but they were all from fraternities and I figured if they really cared, I would just hand him the balloons and it wouldn't be any big deal. I told them to walk through the crowd however because a security person is less likely to be a dick around other people than alone in the outskirts. After the finale, which made a lot of noise which is a must I think for any good fireworks show, I stood up and cut my clump loose. A family of four went for the others after they saw me and the mom asked if I had a knife. I leant it to them and she said that they were trying to use toenail clippers, and explained that they really like balloons. We laughed as I said that I understand, hinting at my handful of almost fifteen big balloons.
As we neared the parking lot there were these two gorgeous girls walking behind the three of us. One whispered very quietly that I got THE balloons and that she wanted one. I am so use to eavesdropping that I quickly worked one loose from the bunch and turned around and walked over handing it to her with a big smile on my face. She was really happy, and embarrassed exclaiming that she didn't think I could hear her. It was really funny and it made me feel really good to do something that nice. I love making someone's day!!!
We then stuffed all of the balloons in the car as Ed drove, very slowly, back to Beaty. As we walked by Leigh Anne's room, Roswitha pretended she was going to knock on their door and smiled at me, but I really did knock but kept walking. I could hear them yelling for me to come in, and it took a long time for them to come to the door, but fortunately she did because I couldn't have planned the surprise better. I truly did intend to surprise Leigh Anne with a huge bouquet of balloons because I knew she'd like them plus they were costless. It doesn't get better than that. Anyway, she came to the door just as I stuffed all of the balloons into my room and was just standing there. She looked at me and called me a jerk because I didn't come in and then I told her I brought a surprise for her. She perked up and started coming towards me and I pulled them out.
I have never seen her more happy as she took them and showed them off to everybody in the room before tying them up in her room. She was REALLY happy, you could just tell in her eyes. I quickly left the room so that they all could get their questions answered by Leigh Anne and also because I was a little embarrassed. Leigh Anne told me later that as soon as I left, Delisa suddenly interrogated her since Leigh Anne had slept in my bed the night before and now this! It was really funny. She came over a little while later and watched Start Trek with Jon and I. She and I were both dead tired and it was a very quiet hour and I would have loved doing anything but what we were doing.
Things finally heated up after the show as we were talking about her test today. She told me that she wished she would have gone with me to the Bonfire, and would have if she knew only that one guy was going to show up to study. I told her that it would have only ruined my surprise and was pretty glad she didn't. She mentioned that they learned how to make beer in her botany class and I pulled out my Budweiser pamphlet from Busch Gardens that showed how beer is brewed. After looking at it she exclaimed that it was the exact thing that her teacher photocopied and gave to them and she had really wondered what the pictures were of that he blanked out. It was kind of funny.
We came into my room and she went to hop up into bed but I pulled her right back down because she was still in shoes. I showed her a coupon I had found for four dollars off admissions to Busch Gardens in case we decide to go. She started looking at an article on the Kumba and I pulled out the other information I have about it to show her. Fortunately a bunch of it is in my award book so she started looking at those. I pretended like I wanted her to stop but she told me that she wanted to see how much of a nerd I really am. She also asked me if I went to a school of retards and that was why I was valedictorian! She also read my conveniently placed psychological evaluation.
I climbed up with her soon afterwards and I told her she didn't get a real backrub tonight because I really needed to go to sleep soon. We messed around for a little while and she found out that I am ticklish and was taking advantage of that around my crotch. I tried to tickle her but she claimed that she's not ticklish at all and I asked why she was the night before. She claimed that she was very turned on the night before and if that doesn't make one feel special, then I don't know what will. She also likes to say everything she feels and tells me what she wants to do for me quite often. We joked about that later and she said that she gets embarrassed because sometimes the stuff she says is really corny, but it is almost always true. That conversation was really cute.
Every once in a while I would touch her or rub her in such a way that she would moan. She told me that she really likes the way I touch her, like I actually care... so gentle. I think that's one of my best talents and the girls I have dealt with are so used to bumbling idiots that I seem so much better to them.
She was wearing a tight white shirt and I asked her if it was a leotard. She said no and asked why. I told her that I didn't want to do this if it was as I pulled it out of her pants rather quickly. She thought about it for a second and then started laughing really hard after admitting that it would really have hurt if it was. She then thanked me for asking first and then said that she was impressed that I know the real word for a leotard, instead of a body suit. It was a pretty funny little incident.
We listened to the radio for a while as we fooled around and this time she was lying on top of me. She moved down and kissed my stomach as she slid her fingers up my shorts. She then was rubbing me with both hands through my shorts and that felt damn good. She looked so ready to give me a blow job and I think I'm finally going to get one!!! That's awesome. Leigh Anne also kept thanking me repeatedly for the balloons. I kept telling her that she didn't have to do that anymore but she said that it was probably the nicest thing anybody has ever done for her because it was a surprise. Of course it made me feel awesome once again to be able to make somebody else feel so good.
Amy came over into the room once and called out Leigh Anne's name. She leant up over the edge of the bed and opened the door to answer her. It was kind of funny. She eventually decided that she needed to go eat since her stomach was growling and she needed to study a little more. I kept expressing my desire to sleep so she figured it would be best for both of us. She got a long distance call as she was leaving and came over one last time to say goodnight after she was done. She snuck in a gave me a kiss and we hugged as she said goodbye.
Ashley and I didn't make it to class this morning because she woke up really late. Fortunately I was running late and hadn't gotten dressed when she called, so I went back to sleep. I seemed to pass so many people today that I know both on the way to class and on the way home. I was very impressed. I even stopped to talk to April for quite a while.
In psychology, Karen was being especially wonderful today. I really like being with her and joking around with her. She came bouncing up once again with a big smile on her face and we started joking around right from the start. I found out that she only made a twenty-two on our exam and she was kind of upset about that. All through class we kept talking to each other and would casually look at each other every once in a while in a somewhat sexual way. There are just certain things about our looks that are different and I really enjoy them. Griggs was commenting on disorders today and he exemplified socially unacceptable behavior by saying that nobody in the class seems to have a habit of picking their noses! We all laughed and I reached over pretending to hold her arm down and asked her if she'd been putting her finger in her nose again! It was funny. It was interesting, too, because she answered by saying, "Well Dan, you know..." So she does know my name!
We were talking about schizophrenia later and she said that she hears people calling her name all of the time at work. I told her that she has a pretty common name and does work at a grocery store where lots of people come through who are named that. I just wanted her to know that I know her name as well. It was kind of funny. We then walked together after class and she got some change to do laundry with later. I joked that I spent my last dollar on a loaf of bread yesterday, and it sucks because all of my underwear are dirty so I'll have to scrounge up some change. She then stopped to get a drink and we were still talking. She then asked me if I wanted a drink!!!, and I happily declined. I just felt so special that she would have been so nice as to buy me a drink!
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And as my four days of luck run out... (Actually I'd like to think there will be some tremendously residual effects, but we'll see.) I walked downstairs with Chris a few minutes ago to send him on his way to study. Michelle from next door came walking out of the downstairs library and I quickly latched onto her gaining a free ride into her room. When we got upstairs, to my delightful surprise, I found that Jerry had indeed returned to "be with" Leigh Anne. She has warned me that he is still a part of her life (for I did interject myself the same day he left) and told me last night that she had a really good idea that he would show up today.
Of course she ran out to save face as soon as I came in and I was quick to walk out of the room, saying goodbye to Michelle. Leigh Anne almost chased me down and came into my room with me. Shar¡ said that he might stick around for a while because he got a new job that is closer to here than his house, but plans on moving in with his cousin really shortly. We were standing there holding each other while we talked and she told me that things will settle down before long. I told her that I understand and really respect the fact that she is telling me the truth. I wanted to say that I have promoted many a break up for my own benefit, and I don't see it as that big a deal. Of course it upsets me somewhat but I told her that I've waited this long, so what's a little bit longer. I am fortunately not getting attached in this case for right now because this whole idea is a sex for convenience deal.
She kissed me and kept doing so and was rubbing her hands on my lower extremities. I find it funny that she thinks every guy is so hung up on sex that she must reassure me in that manner. I do like it, but I am extremely forgiving and don't really need it. She told me that she thinks things will be a lot better once we get to sleep together and I asked her if she really thinks so. She said that I'm supposed to say how wonderful that sounds... yeah right. I did say something sweet at the end and sent her on her merry way.
Of course I'll whine to Ashley that I fucked up again by getting involved with a girl with a boyfriend. He he. I also keep thinking in patterns which are a major pattern in my life, but I have yet to figure out a relationship pattern. Someone I'd marry and really enjoyed (Nicole), sex for convenience with a girl with a boyfriend that I wouldn't stay with in a million years and actually was embarrassed to be seen with (Abby), someone I'd marry and really enjoyed (Shar¡)..... sex for convenience (Leigh Anne)????? Who knows. Or perhaps actual intercourse will come into play and like Nicole, Leigh Anne and I will fool around but never get that far. I was teased with hopes of a blow job with Nicole, like I am now with Leigh Ann... so who knows? Of course in all cases there is an underlying deep friendship persisting (Kimmeth to Ashley).
Maybe I shouldn't be so analytical but my mind is truly overactive and sometimes I can't help it. The way it looks, since Leigh Anne and I will be so physically unavoidably close for so long, it almost (hopefully) seems inevitable...
Tuesday, November 2, 1993
November 2, 1993 - Tuesday - Leigh Anne's big massage
Who ever said that chain letters don't work? Day one of the four luck days brought me back in touch with the love of my life, Kimmeth in quite a sudden way. First my call and then a letter quicker than I could ever have possibly hoped for. Day two brought a very high score on my psychology exam, a fun rendezvous with Karen (which really isn't that important), and one final little surprise...
Cecil showed up from Jacksonville last night and stopped by the room first thing. He and Chris ended up running off to study and I decided to stick around the room to fix a big meal and maybe straighten things up a little bit. I also had a journal entry and a quiz to take care of. Marty called for Chris at about eleven and said that it's really important that he call her back when he got in. After his return, he got ready to do so, when he suddenly ripped the phone cord out of the answering machine breaking it for good. He panicked so the two of us walked next door so he could borrow theirs.
I started to talk to Delisa and Aimee as Leigh Anne came staggering out of her room, complaining that she couldn't sleep and that her room was freezing. Her little week and a half long boyfriend had just said goodbye about five hours earlier. He reasoned that it was better this way before either one of them got too attached. Smart man. I was being very nice to her and was having a pretty cool conversation with the three of them. Leigh Anne showed us a bunch of pictures of her and ate a little microwave entre. She kept saying that it sucks having to sleep alone and I was making some nice little comments. She kept complaining so much about it being cold in her room that I told her to go sleep in one of our beds and before long she ran off to my room. I sat and chatted a little while longer with Delisa before heading over to the room, fearing Cecil might be doing something violent to Leigh Anne.
She was in fact in my bed and I was willing just to let her be but somehow the three of us got in a conversation and she said that her back hurts. Cecil told me to go give the girl a massage. I had thought about doing so, and it probably wouldn't have been long until I did, but I did realize and thank Cecil in my mind for spurring on the moment. He brought up that fact later and was kind of pleased with himself. Towards the beginning he was lying down in Chris' bed and Leigh Anne asked about this guy named Phil who had been over before. I quickly said that he is dating Chris' girlfriend's sister which is something that just barely happened over this weekend. Cecil started saying that Phil and Connie aren't serious at all and suddenly realized how he did me wrong after I kicked his bed a few times. That brought about a few laughs today as Chris, he and I discussed the outcomes of the night.
She sat up on the bed with her head on a pillow against the wall and I went to work. She was telling me that I can do it harder than I was, and I told her that I am use to giving slow and soft sensual massages which she very quickly got used to. I tried a bunch of new concepts and some of them she really liked. I was doing most of this through her flimsy shirt but I finally moved inside against her bare back. I always stop after a little while just to let the friction die down and because I love to hear a girl beg for more, it makes me feel needed. She would reach back and flip open her shirt calling, "More! More!" and gave Cecil and I both a pretty decent side view of her breasts. I went back to work and volunteered to bring a piece of ice into the picture a couple of times but she strongly denied my offer.
Jon showed up after a while and cooked nachos for the three of them and I fixed a big bowl full of fresh popcorn. I was kind of upset that he pulled her away from me because I didn't figure that she'd find her way back into my bed after getting out at that point. I had already been going for quite some time and she had told me to make sure and stop if I really wanted or needed to. I let her know how much I enjoy making my women happy. I figured the best way to get her back would be by disappearing, and I went and laid down in my bed right as I saw them finishing up with their food. I was very correct in assuming what she'd do. She came running in and told me that I can't go to sleep because I wasn't done yet and she climbed up into bed with me. She then put her knees onto my butt and started slowly bouncing up and down and got quicker and quicker. It really sounded like we were fucking and Jon came in and turned off the lights and shut the door. It was pretty funny.
I laid her down and turned on my Enya CD. She pulled her shirt up over her shoulders for me and I went to work again, slowly and surely. She would pop up every once in a while and say that she really wanted to know what I was thinking just because of the mood we had created. I stayed clamped up for quite a long time, though. Chris and Cecil came walking in eventually, and since Chris had been on the phone for four hours again, he never knew that Leigh Anne was in the room, in bed with me half naked no less. It kind of freaked him out and we had a good laugh. She had finally gotten to the point where she would arch her sides ever so slightly when I would brush daringly close to her breasts, just inviting my hands to explore. I wanted to be careful however because I didn't want to read something that wasn't there and possibly ruin a friendship with someone just next door, for that could come to haunt me.
When Chris came in we started talking and joking around. When she asked for more, Chris told me that a girl should never have to ask for more, she should be begging you to stop. Funny, but wrong! He kind of quickly got ready for bed and got into his bottom bunk. He was talking to us and asking her shit like whether or not her braces get in the way when she kisses. She and I both laughed and said that only if the guy doesn't have a clue to what he's doing. She kept popping him in the head with her teddy bear, Farenhue, and he was about ready to climb up and rape her. During the whole ordeal with Chris, she started rubbing my leg with her fingernails and that felt pretty damn good. As soon as the lights went out, we shifted positions and as I would slide my hand up her back, I made sure my elbow brushed her lower ass ever so slightly and she felt in and liked it.
I was leaning on one elbow to the side of her and I let my hand fall close to hers. She inched hers upwards and we slowly took each others hand and started playing with it. Before long she was rubbing my leg again as I continued on her back and moved ever so close, right up to the line of my rather short shorts. We started talking about what I was thinking and I slowly spit things out. We have both criticized relationships lately because you always get hurt by stupid assholes. She started realizing, which were my intentions, of how similar all of our ideas are and we were talking about how we see each other. We ended up saying how much we seem to be alike on our views of what we want and decided to carry things much further.
I continued to rub her back and her butt (that sounds so crude!) for a little while as she kept arching her back inviting my hands onto her breasts which is where they eventually ended up. Before the night was over, she had her hands in my pants and I had felt her entire body before we called it a night.
Cecil showed up from Jacksonville last night and stopped by the room first thing. He and Chris ended up running off to study and I decided to stick around the room to fix a big meal and maybe straighten things up a little bit. I also had a journal entry and a quiz to take care of. Marty called for Chris at about eleven and said that it's really important that he call her back when he got in. After his return, he got ready to do so, when he suddenly ripped the phone cord out of the answering machine breaking it for good. He panicked so the two of us walked next door so he could borrow theirs.
I started to talk to Delisa and Aimee as Leigh Anne came staggering out of her room, complaining that she couldn't sleep and that her room was freezing. Her little week and a half long boyfriend had just said goodbye about five hours earlier. He reasoned that it was better this way before either one of them got too attached. Smart man. I was being very nice to her and was having a pretty cool conversation with the three of them. Leigh Anne showed us a bunch of pictures of her and ate a little microwave entre. She kept saying that it sucks having to sleep alone and I was making some nice little comments. She kept complaining so much about it being cold in her room that I told her to go sleep in one of our beds and before long she ran off to my room. I sat and chatted a little while longer with Delisa before heading over to the room, fearing Cecil might be doing something violent to Leigh Anne.
She was in fact in my bed and I was willing just to let her be but somehow the three of us got in a conversation and she said that her back hurts. Cecil told me to go give the girl a massage. I had thought about doing so, and it probably wouldn't have been long until I did, but I did realize and thank Cecil in my mind for spurring on the moment. He brought up that fact later and was kind of pleased with himself. Towards the beginning he was lying down in Chris' bed and Leigh Anne asked about this guy named Phil who had been over before. I quickly said that he is dating Chris' girlfriend's sister which is something that just barely happened over this weekend. Cecil started saying that Phil and Connie aren't serious at all and suddenly realized how he did me wrong after I kicked his bed a few times. That brought about a few laughs today as Chris, he and I discussed the outcomes of the night.
She sat up on the bed with her head on a pillow against the wall and I went to work. She was telling me that I can do it harder than I was, and I told her that I am use to giving slow and soft sensual massages which she very quickly got used to. I tried a bunch of new concepts and some of them she really liked. I was doing most of this through her flimsy shirt but I finally moved inside against her bare back. I always stop after a little while just to let the friction die down and because I love to hear a girl beg for more, it makes me feel needed. She would reach back and flip open her shirt calling, "More! More!" and gave Cecil and I both a pretty decent side view of her breasts. I went back to work and volunteered to bring a piece of ice into the picture a couple of times but she strongly denied my offer.
Jon showed up after a while and cooked nachos for the three of them and I fixed a big bowl full of fresh popcorn. I was kind of upset that he pulled her away from me because I didn't figure that she'd find her way back into my bed after getting out at that point. I had already been going for quite some time and she had told me to make sure and stop if I really wanted or needed to. I let her know how much I enjoy making my women happy. I figured the best way to get her back would be by disappearing, and I went and laid down in my bed right as I saw them finishing up with their food. I was very correct in assuming what she'd do. She came running in and told me that I can't go to sleep because I wasn't done yet and she climbed up into bed with me. She then put her knees onto my butt and started slowly bouncing up and down and got quicker and quicker. It really sounded like we were fucking and Jon came in and turned off the lights and shut the door. It was pretty funny.
I laid her down and turned on my Enya CD. She pulled her shirt up over her shoulders for me and I went to work again, slowly and surely. She would pop up every once in a while and say that she really wanted to know what I was thinking just because of the mood we had created. I stayed clamped up for quite a long time, though. Chris and Cecil came walking in eventually, and since Chris had been on the phone for four hours again, he never knew that Leigh Anne was in the room, in bed with me half naked no less. It kind of freaked him out and we had a good laugh. She had finally gotten to the point where she would arch her sides ever so slightly when I would brush daringly close to her breasts, just inviting my hands to explore. I wanted to be careful however because I didn't want to read something that wasn't there and possibly ruin a friendship with someone just next door, for that could come to haunt me.
When Chris came in we started talking and joking around. When she asked for more, Chris told me that a girl should never have to ask for more, she should be begging you to stop. Funny, but wrong! He kind of quickly got ready for bed and got into his bottom bunk. He was talking to us and asking her shit like whether or not her braces get in the way when she kisses. She and I both laughed and said that only if the guy doesn't have a clue to what he's doing. She kept popping him in the head with her teddy bear, Farenhue, and he was about ready to climb up and rape her. During the whole ordeal with Chris, she started rubbing my leg with her fingernails and that felt pretty damn good. As soon as the lights went out, we shifted positions and as I would slide my hand up her back, I made sure my elbow brushed her lower ass ever so slightly and she felt in and liked it.
I was leaning on one elbow to the side of her and I let my hand fall close to hers. She inched hers upwards and we slowly took each others hand and started playing with it. Before long she was rubbing my leg again as I continued on her back and moved ever so close, right up to the line of my rather short shorts. We started talking about what I was thinking and I slowly spit things out. We have both criticized relationships lately because you always get hurt by stupid assholes. She started realizing, which were my intentions, of how similar all of our ideas are and we were talking about how we see each other. We ended up saying how much we seem to be alike on our views of what we want and decided to carry things much further.
I continued to rub her back and her butt (that sounds so crude!) for a little while as she kept arching her back inviting my hands onto her breasts which is where they eventually ended up. Before the night was over, she had her hands in my pants and I had felt her entire body before we called it a night.