Happy birthday mom!
The entire world seems to be falling apart... everything is coming crashing down, just like that letter said... maybe I believe in fate and stuff too much but there are always so many things to make it seem so real...
Shar¡ gave up her life again...
I always liked to compare my situation with Shar¡ with Ashley and Daniel because they always seemed to coincide in a sense. It was kind of a mental way for me to cope with having to be separated from Shar¡, kind of like bullshit in my mind. But my intuition has always been better than that...
So it all begins...
Let me elaborate: The phone has been ringing off the hook the past half hour and it's after eleven on Friday night. I figured I'd let the answering machine get them just to screen the calls. I thought I was supposed to go with Ed and Roswitha to a party with April. I was more than willing to go, but since it was getting late, I decided against it and didn't want to answer a call from Ed because I knew I would give in and I just didn't feel like it. Nobody left any messages which caused me to believe it was Ed even more. I finally got sick of it and answered one of the calls.
It was Ashley!!! and it sounded like she was calling from a payphone. She left for Brandon this morning after biology class. I had a test today in my German culture class and wanted a good breakfast so I was late in meeting her at class. On Fridays, she has a first period chemistry discussion so we don't walk to class together. It was chilly but the air was really damp and I feel that if it has to be cold, this is the best kind of cold there can be. Most people don't like it but I know that it feels a lot better than dry cold after extended periods of time since I used to work outside at Busch Gardens. We joked around when I got to class and both were in a pretty good mood.
Our friend, Jason, came in just after me and we were looking for cute girls to ask out and it was pretty funny. At the end of class I admitted that our search for attractive girls was thwarted because I had looked at Ashley first and she spoiled me for any of the other girls. The fool made the mistake of cutting her down and she immediately came and hugged onto me. I walked up to the honors office with her because she had an advisement appointment.
I had gone down there yesterday and picked up a new honors course guide and found out that once you have sixty credits, you no longer have to take honors courses!!! Awesome!!! I'm finished!!! It's cool because I started with fifteen credits and didn't join until Spring so I was only obliged to take two classes although I was allowed into honors calculus my first semester. My early registration appointment letter had a nice little asterisk stating that my record had been flagged and I must have academic counseling before I can register. The lines to see your counselor are extremely long this time of the year and that was very discouraging. It wasn't until I was in the honors office that I realized that I bet I could get them to take care of it for me as one of the perks of being in honors. This girl immediately punched it up in her computer and said everything is fine and said that it was just a warning that I need to hurry up and finish general education and apply to a college. That was really cool!
Anyway, Chris and I went to McDonalds yesterday afternoon for a bite to eat. He also needed to get some batteries and I suggested Eckerds across the street. We always have a pretty cool time running about so I was more than happy to go with him despite the fact that I only had a dollar on my person. He said he'd lend me a dollar before we left and we were on our merry way. He read my letter from Shar¡ and we were commenting about her. I knew it was finally time to tell him about Shar¡ attempting suicide and how I could possibly fall in love with a girl with such a fucked up past. I kind of did it to clear my name a little, but also so he could realize what I am going through.
He (and I) agreed that she has got to be pretty damn heartless for what she did and stupid for throwing away a chance at a good life like she did. He agrees fully that if I had spent that amount of emotional effort on any "normal" girl, then she would be probably be mine forever, and there are lots of girls out there like that. But it's just so hard to make that initial spark between two people. Once it's there, we can both completely win them over, and I can do it on such a wide variety of types. I am extremely versatile, and it sometimes amazes me. I admitted that Shar¡ was kind of a challenge that I presented to myself and once I got going, there was no turning back to see how far I could take it. I just hope to someday find a girl that will be able to appreciate what I have to offer her.
Well, I put off heading to the library to study for my exam for a few minutes to be with Ashley because I wanted to tell her the whole truth about Shar¡. I think a lot of things about my relationship kind of fall into place when that last cornerstone is finally cemented in. I complained to both Ashley and Chris that it really bothered me when people asked me why someone as "good as me" was going out with a girl like that, and I could never tell them the real reason and probably the only reason why we lasted any amount of time at all. It was my humanitarian side kicking in and offering her a second and real chance at life... and once again I am separated from the girl when it is most vital that we are together. That's the story of my life...
I said goodbye to Ashley at that point and we were smiling really big at each other. She told me not to think about it too much and I truthfully told her that I wasn't, that I was just thinking about all of the crap I had to go and study then and she laughed. I proceeded to flirt with every girl I could on the walk to the library where I finally settled down and learned everything in probably twice as much detail as I needed to, for my goal wasn't only to get another A, but to impress Mr. Hasty as well.
...I heard her voice and asked her what was up. We talked for a second and she asked me if I knew who it was, and I said of course and said her name. I told her then like I have before that her voice is easy to tell and she doesn't have to tell me who it is every time she calls. I wondered why she was calling and first thought that she might of had car trouble and was calling me while she waited. She told me that she was at a 7-11 in Brandon on Kings Road. She acted a little surprised and asked why I wasn't out and about on a Friday night.
She finally got to the point of her call. She had told me that she was going out with Daniel's younger sister tonight when she got down there. She said that while she was at Daniel's house, he actually called and talked to his dad from Edmond Air Force Base. She then told me that she found out why he hadn't called all week, and why he told her he wasn't going to buy a car. She said that he had talked about buying a motorcycle a lot and had gone out and done so. On Tuesday he was in an accident and broke either an arm or a leg, some ribs, and his neck!!! Fuck!!! The way I used to be, I would have found this to be a wonderful event so I could move in on the kill... but I had feelings of sympathy that I have never felt before because I actually care about her and see her as a true friend. I think that's really rare.
We've been learning a lot of really interesting shit in psychology lately, and today he said there are only a few people that you can be your true self with, and I have found that with Ashley. I think the feeling is mutual because although she tells her emotional stories to quite a few other people, just like I do, there are certain things she tells me that I know she would never tell anybody else. We're kind of like each other's emotional dumps.
But she was telling me about Daniel and really hated the fact that she couldn't drive up there right then to be with him. She said that as soon as she found out, she got really hot and turned red and started feeling sick. Her nerves instantly kicked in. She said that Daniel didn't want to talk to anyone else but his dad and was being taken to have an MRI done right then anyway. She was so upset because she cant be with him or even talk to him, just like the last time he was in the hospital, out in Denver. At least he said that he is OK despite the broken neck! She took his sister out to a country dance club anyway and Shar¡ started getting sick. She left her there and said that she'd pick her up at midnight and then stopped to get something to drink.
I told her that I had been in my room with the radio on loud and it was really lucky that I heard the phone ring. Damn I'm glad I answered that one!!! She told me that she had called about ten minutes earlier and then just drove around for a few minutes until she stopped and called me again. She said that she didn't want to tell anybody down there because they'll just talk and start rumors and she didn't really want to talk to her roommates, so she called me!!! I felt awesome to hear her say that and told her that I'm always here and told her that now I am glad I stayed home tonight and knew there was a reason. Everything she did sounds so much like something I would do in a similar situation and it amazes me once again how much alike we are. She has the perfect romantic personality that I dream to find in a girl that cares about me... I just can't express how good it made me feel that she called ME and how much I want to be there for her.
I told her to be careful as we finally ended our talk. She was crying or almost crying and then laughed about being at a payphone in the middle of Brandon so late at night. I asked her what she was going to do for the next half hour until she was supposed to pick up his sister. She said she was just going to drive around some more to get an icee somewhere instead of a slurpee. At least she had a goal to keep her sane for the time being. Poor baby...
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I never did mention my little trip to the mall with Chris last Sunday... hell I never said anything about the entire weekend!!! And it was an awesome weekend!!! Actually my letter to my little sister kind of summed things up, but not really.
We were all hanging out with the neighbors last Friday night around seven and everybody was kind of drifting back and forth between the two rooms. Everybody was wearing dorm clothes which proved really interesting in Michelle's case. She was working on some quiz on her computer and couldn't figure some of the techniques out. Everybody pointed at me and I went in her room and helped her. I commented on what a really nice computer table they had, and asked where they got it. Leigh Anne said something about some really nice guy who built it for them. Well, Michelle was wearing this pink shirt with the neck ripped out that would kind of fall onto her shoulder quite often. I asked her out in the hallway a little later if she was wearing anything underneath that because she keeps pulling it off of her shoulder and she said no. She has a habit of not wearing bras quite often and I like that in her.
Chris had been massaging Leigh Anne's back and I was the next victim. She told me that it was my turn and I went and sat in a chair in front of her!!! She laughed and said no, that I was supposed to massage HER! I did for a while and Chris picked up later on the fact that she was extremely vulnerable that night and probably would have taken any one of us if we had wanted to. She likes to talk to me and comments every once in a while about how I always listen to her problems and she pulled me off into our room once away from everybody else to tell me why she has been fighting with Delisa.
We all ended up making plans to go out to a party and then to this nightclub called Kaos that was having the finals of their hot body contest where the girls get naked! Chris was so worried about his organic test, that he didn't even want to go. I think it's also due to the fact that he's falling for this girl named Marty and I know I would have felt the same back when Shar¡ and I were emotional. We weren't going to leave until 11:30, but I then got a phone call from Ashley at 10:30 and she asked me if I wanted to go out with them! I jumped at the chance to be with Laura and ditched Leigh Anne. I even had Leigh Anne say hi to Ashley just so she'd know I have other female friends. Leigh Anne was kind of pissed that I sold them out and I tried to talk my way out of it. I eventually did, but not until yesterday.
Laura and Ashley showed up at our room a little while later all dressed up for the night, and I introduced them to Jon and Ed and then went running into my room with Michelle for a minute just to show off. We then parted and drove to Oxford Manor to meet up with a bunch of guys. This one guy named Rob was there and was the one I met back when I gave Laura my blender. He ended up being pretty cool and I talked to him a little bit over the weekend. We drove around to almost every apartment complex in Gainesville and couldn't find a single damn party. Laura nd I were making a lot of our usual bullshit comments to each other and Laura accused me of flattering everyone, and not just her. I said that wasn't true at all and she asked Ashley, which was kind of funny.
After we dropped all of the stupids off, I pull out my party idea and we ran off to Roswitha's apartment complex where the big party of the night was. It was an awesome party, HUGE, and there were girls like Shar¡ everywhere!!! They were hot and ready and I would have loved to stay longer but the kegs were dry and Laura wanted to leave. Damn! We ended up going back to their room and Laura and I sat on the fouton together and watched the last part of Top Gun and we all talked for a while before I showed back upstairs.
Ashley and I decided to go to the biology lab review session Saturday morning. We walked over there and were very tired and really thought that the help session wasn't going to help a damn thing if we didn't know anything going into it. We decided to leave and study, and come back to Sunday's meeting. I remembered how the Florida Museum of Natural History used to have a lot of animal exhibits and suggested that we go inside. I couldn't have come up with a better idea because we ended up learning far more than we ever could have possibly learned in class and had an awesome time doing so! I joked that we should tell everybody but she said that we should keep it our secret so only we'll do good on the exam. Smart girl.
The museum had almost three-quarters of the classes we needed to learn about and was set up, it seemed, like it was tailor made for somebody learning our lab manual. We first learned all about crustaceans and sea animals and all about the special cases in each group because they were all on display as well. We learned funny cues, something we both learned about from Griggs, for some of the harder names. We then went through an exhibit with tons of live insects and we identified each and looked at the structures of the grasshopper which was much more fun on a live species because you could see them in motion rather than on a dead smelly carcass. We also went into the specimen room that has drawer after drawer full of fun things to identify. They even had these acrylic molds of worms that were really important for us to learn. I joked that this was the most use some of those exhibits had gotten in a long time. It was great and I just couldn't get over how much fun we were having and how much we were learning.
We kept naming the taxonomy on every living thing we saw and realized that we'd probably do the same once we left the museum to every animal we see. It was funny. We even went through the gift shop and identified everything we could find. The best part is that a lot of the information stuck in my mind and wouldn't have if I had just studied the book.
The museum also has an artificial cave that looks a lot like the ones we crawled in out in Newberry and I told Ashley all about that. We walked through the cave twice and stood against a railing inside once and talked in the very dim light for quite a while. We were really close and I had the instinctive urge to kiss her and we then joked about how jealous some people would be if they knew we had gone into a cave together like that. It was pretty funny. We eventually went home and I hung out in Ashley's room for a little while only to see Laura running around in her little nightgown looking more gorgeous than ever. That's so damn sexy! Ashley was in her green silk pajamas the night before which defined some very erect nipples rather nicely. I found that pretty interesting.
They called me a little while later and asked me if I wanted to go out. Of course! We went to the grocery store and bought orange juice. I couldn't help but think how much nicer it is to hang out with two attractive girls rather than the group of guys last year at Salem and Monte's apartment. We then went back to the room and Ashley made us all a drink. She made screwdrivers and fuzzy navels. I had three shots in mine and kind of guzzled it, to no avail. Chris says vodka makes him puke but I noticed nothing much for me. I sat with Laura again on the fouton and we got engaged! She broke off her engagement with the guy in the fraternity just to be my fiancee. When Ashley found out, she wanted to see the ring, and I told her that I'd have to wait until I go home for Thanksgiving to get it for her.
Jessica was there, and Rob and a few other people showed up as well. Ashley, Laura, and I took our drinks up to my room to pick out a movie to watch and I introduced them to Chris. We decided on Groundhog Day and went back downstairs. We all ended up watching the World Series and saw the most awesome ending to a baseball game ever! The Blue Jays hit a three run homer in the ninth inning to take the lead and win the game. I have never seen a happier player than the guy who hit that ball. Laura's "casual boyfriend" kept calling her an insisted that they go out and do something despite him being sick. He showed up later and Laura kissed him right in front of me. They were only simple kisses and I would bet that she was doing so just to get back at me for kissing Shar¡ at that party like I did. I completely understand.
The guy is a complete and total dork and I told her I am rather disappointed. The three of us were all on the fouton with Laura wedged in the middle. Carl was mean to her once and she said that it doesn't matter because she is engaged to me and rolled over, putting her arms around me. That was cute. We were looking at the yearbook from Bloomingdale High School and saw Laura with really short hair. The best way to describe it is silly and I love it being much longer like it is now. She complained a lot to me all weekend that it upsets her that people always complement her friends and all but they never say anything to her. I was trying to reassure her and maybe I need to be more serious when I do complement her. They eventually took off to a midnight movie and we all decided to try a party.
I rode in Rob's car with Jessica and we eventually found the party and hung out for a while. There were a couple of the guys there from the night before, Joe and Todd and we said hello. They stopped playing music about the time when we got there and Ashley and I figured that they were trying to get rid of everybody. When we finally did leave, we stopped by Taco Bell. Ashley, Laura and I had talked about Ashley and my trips to Taco Bell earlier on the way to the grocery store and Laura was saying that she is jealous and wants me to take her. I promised to do so sometime. I had told Ashley that I had only been to Taco bell about four times before meeting her and only went twice with Shar¡. We joked that we'll make her jealous by telling her we've been three times and even go at one in the morning together. It was kind of funny.
Ashley and I went to study again on Sunday and ended up sitting on these picnic tables in the middle of a small wooded area and talked about our failing relationships and how life sucks. We also were reading our newspapers, for I stole one for her when I bought mine. When we got home, Chris and I decided to head over to the mall to have our ears pierced. He was getting his second hole, and me my first. We came across the jewelry stand where Cheryl, the girl from my first semester German class works, and we ended up letting her staple our ears. She's looking pretty damn good and we joked around for quite a while. I had a "diamond stud" starter put in and Chris and I bought a nice pair of gold hoops with the twenty percent discount you get on the day of your initial piercing. When we got home, we walked past Ashley, Laura, and I think Rob, heading off to mass in Ashley's car and we said hello.
I went and studied later on and came back to Beaty only to find them under a fire drill. I walked around until I found Laura and she was still in her Church dress. She looked really good and I told her that the alarm rang because she is so hot. Jana was holding Stimpy and was sitting on this couch. Jessica and Rob were there and he had bought him and Laura both a pint of Ben and Jerry's ice cream. She came right up and was standing next to me against the wall and then we sat down together. Leigh Anne was running around with her new boyfriend, Jerry, and Michelle. They were joking around with me for a few minutes and I made sure they saw me with Laura. Laura started feeding me her ice cream and was finding huge chunks of nuts and white chocolate for me to try. It was really fun and I enjoyed myself.
Leigh Anne was over in the room on Wednesday night after I had gone to sleep and she came in the room with a big smile and ruffled my hair. We talked for a few minutes and she told me how upset she was at me for ditching them on Friday night. I told her that I really made a mistake and hoped that she would forgive me. I met up with her outside the room on Thursday on the way to class and we walked together the entire way. The first thing she asked when she saw me is why she felt like shit because she though relationships are supposed to make you happy. I said that I know how she feels and that they hardly ever seem to work out that way. I decided to jump in and take advantage of her fragile state when she told me that she and Jerry have fought continuously ever night this week. She said that he wants her to change a lot, like working out so she can compete with him. She asked me if I like those women with tons of muscles and I truthfully told her that it makes me sick and that I like her just the way she is. I put my arm around her as I said that and she thought it was really sweet.
She mentioned that they are getting along really crappily and they've only been going out for a week. I corrected her saying six days, and that I'll be keeping track until the day we get her back. She counted and realized I have been keeping track, although it was just some quick addition in my head, but she thought that was amazingly well put. I just kept saying all of the right things and she did tell me that she's going to get rid of him if he pulls his shit any more! That's cool. I even went out of my way to get the doors for her and she thought I was being really sweet. She commented once that sometimes she forgets that I was a valedictorian because I act kind of silly. Thanks. But I wasn't being silly then and I though to myself how versatile I can be and how I can make almost any girl very happy by telling her what she wants to hear and what I have to offer.
I almost told her that, but that would have screwed everything up. Chris and I were talking about how I should have stuck around Friday night because she was very vulnerable and I could have easily had her. Maybe I still can... and we talked about how cool it would be to have convenient sex right next door. That would be awesome, and it wouldn't stop very quickly because she is the kind of girl who really needs what I have to offer. She kind of reminds me of Abby, except I want Leigh Anne. Chris and I have also been joking around a lot about how we are constantly starving nowadays. I joked that we used to think about sex all of the time and how much we want it, now we think about food and how nice it would be to have it. We ate like animals last Friday night when we went to this restaurant named Quincys where he took me for my birthday last year. All four of us went and ordered the hot bar and tried tons of everything. I was really surprised I ate so much because I did just official find out about Shar¡ just a few hours before and I recalled how I just didn't care to eat anymore after Nicole and I broke up way back when.
I've been having an awesome time with Karen in psychology class this week. I save her a seat now with my bookbag that I didn't do the first couple of times because I didn't want to seem to eager for her to come sit with me and possibly scare her off. It's cool now that we know about each other's relationship situation at least a little bit. She came bouncing up again to the seat next to me with a big grin on her face on Friday. I smiled and slowly moved my bookbag as she laughed and sarcastically told me to hurry up. I really like just being around her and am trying my best to impress her in any way I can. She's so damn hot!
Friday, October 29, 1993
Wednesday, October 27, 1993
October 27, 1993 - Wednesday - My female twin?! - Karen
Dear Loser,
How's life my wonderful dear sister? Mine sucks! But everybody else's sucks, too, so I guess everything is normal!
Well I just got home a little while ago from my fetal pig dissection in biology lab! My hands smell really good right now, like they've been stored in formaldehyde in a hospital basement for fifty years! It's really sick. I ate two hotdogs before class just to get in the mood and came home three hours later to eat one of those big cans of Dinty Moore Stew and a whole box of macaroni and cheese. I guess it didn't bother me any. Bring on Gross Anatomy and the human dissection!, fun fun! I actually did have a lot of fun and made a bunch of really funny jokes to the class. Last week I had half of them believing that we got to pick our pigs ALIVE out of a cardboard box, squealing and adorable! The girls were freaking out and said they wouldn't do it and our teacher had to lecture for ten minutes that they are indeed dead and this is all done for the benefit of learning. It was really funny.
Our female big was black and pink and bigger than all of the others and already had hair all over it. They are twice as big as the ones in high school it seems. College lab is a very open atmosphere and you get to keep dissecting as much as you want in any order you want which is much more fun than high school. I opened up and washed out the stomach and my cute little hispanic teacher kept explaining everything to the two of us that nobody else got to see because they are all stupid. Don, my partner, attacked the sexual organs and I went for the head towards the end of the class. I cut out the tongue and observed the throat, removed and dissected an eye, and exposed the brain for the class to see. It was quite fun, and I fear we had a little too much fun.... ha ha ha.
I then met this gorgeous tanned blonde who I've been flirting with for quite a while now. I started talking to her meaninglessly last week in lab and she came and sat next to me during our last psychology exam, for she's in there, too. She lives above me in our Tower so I decided to walk home with her today. She a microbiology pre-med sophomore who isn't going to finish her general education on time just like me!!!!! Plus her older sister lives in Tampa and knows some people that work at Busch Gardens. I was extremely impressed. And I fell for Shar¡ thinking a girl this perfect didn't exist or at least I'd never run into one.....
Tell mother I have tuberculosis antibodies. That means my body destroyed the giant needleful of toxic disease I paid the nurse to shoot into my arm last week. Now I can volunteer. I heard that volunteering from an early age (now) will cause the medical schools to overlook a less than perfect GPA. Luck for me.
Guess what I ate for dinner last night. When father and I went to Granny's on our way up here the first day, she showed me how to cook cornbread and actually let me cook it. Well, I fried me up a big batch last night in a skillet. I just dumped the oil from the Fry Daddy into the pan, and back when I was done. Chris, who usually doesn't like my food thought they were really good. I then made a big bowl of purple hull peas and had a barbecue chicken patty sandwich. Aren't you jealous? The peas were really good and are new from Bush's. I was going to mail you one, but it was too thick for the envelope. I'll send the pig's spleen instead, if I can find it in the bottom of my bookbag.
Ashley and I have become extremely good friends lately. It amazes me that I used to think that I would be this way with Laura when the year started, but instead I befriended her roommate who I never even knew before. I have started being the nicest person in the world to Laura again and called her the other night for an hour. We laughed at the end, realizing we talked so long on the phone even though we were only "twenty" feet away from each other. She invited me over, but I didn't go right then. I'm over there enough as it is. Ashley said I can borrow and copy all of their CDs which means I don't have to buy any more. Hurrah. She listens mainly to country... he he.
Ashley has a long distance relationship with a guy named Daniel at an Air Force base up in the panhandle and has gone through exactly everything I have with Shar¡ and everything has almost coincided perfectly. We always seem to have the same problems at the same time so we can both be there for each other and it can get really interesting. They almost broke up last night and she came to me instead of Laura or any off her other roommates to spill her guts. Once again I am playing the psychiatrist. I also figured out why the girls like me to cry on... I'm tall enough that I give the average girl a nice big chest to plant her head into when she wants to whine about something. Ashley and I hug all of the time and put our arms around each other just to be cute. I think I should start charging for my mental services...
I discovered a wonderful money saving technique that may come in handy in the future. I was supposed to buy yet another book for my honors class about the Romans and I decided that I really didn't want to. Instead, since it was more of a reference book than a textbook, I went to the big library and searched in the computers until I actually found a copy!!! It was printed in 1966 rather than 1993, but both of the authors are dead anyway so there wouldn't be any new revisions. So I checked it out for three weeks which is just as long as we'll probably need it in the class, and saved myself almost twenty dollars! Aren't I smart. Our professor in psychology has been lecturing on IQ scores and I showed him my profile and he recognized the test and told me all about it. He then said that I have an extremely high score and used my score yesterday as an example to the entire class. I felt special.
I was supposed to go on a date to the mall with Ashley last weekend but I didn't want to wait around all day Saturday for her to get home and call, so I just left and went and studied in the library. It was raining all weekend, but I walked way downtown to this Taste of Homecoming festival anyway. Ed was playing there with the orchestra and his parents were there to give me a ride home if I wanted to show up. They wanted to drive me there but I declined. There are lots of really cool little specialty shops all along the main roads downtown and I was really impressed. There were lots of things you'd never see if you sped by in a car. Central Park is also a much nicer place than I would have ever imagined being in Gainesville. I had a fun time. It turned out that Ashley called me not long after I left, but oh well.
I keep running into Jennifer all over the place. She's the girl from German last year and we keep trying to plan a get together. Laura and I also want to go to Busch Gardens together sometime maybe over Thanksgiving or Christmas. You would be disgusted at the stuff she and I tell each other about how we were in love with each other and so forth. She recalls the Busch Gardens party and how that was the night I ripped her heart out of her chest, threw it to the ground, and trampled all over it by being with Shar¡! I told her a nice little story that Chris always tells me to make a girl jealous to make her want you even more. I then told her that I picked Shar¡ just to make her jealous so that she would like me even more! It was really funny. I also met this other blonde today who I have been flirting with in my honors class. I switched seats in the class so I was closer to her and she came and sat right next to me today, finally. She's from Atlanta and knows quite a bit about the mountains north of there.
Shar¡ used to live in Atlanta, and in Marietta for a while. She said that Cord screamed out, "Barney!," when she first gave him my little birthday present. That was cute.
I got yet another A on my German culture exam which so many people in the class screw up on. I perform exceedingly well in there for some reason. He introduced us to Martin Luther (the WHITE one!!!)who is the founder of the Protestants and made us read one of his books. I was amazed at how much I believed everything he said about religion and how Catholics are full of crap. It was almost enlightening, but I wouldn't go that far because I would be lying. I also got back a major paper from my English class with this little note at the bottom of the paper that read, "Most of this paper is very good - clearly written with some excellent insights. there ar points where it could be improved and developed, but what you have done shows talent and intelligence." I was very impressed because this guy is usually a professor of graduate English classes and knows what he's talking about!
Well, it's Tuesday night now and I'll finish up about the weekend so I can finally mail you this giant and wonderful letter tomorrow morning!!! Aren't you happy?!? You should appreciate its length, too, because it'd be a good six or seven pages at least if it were hand written, and you wouldn't be able to read it anyway because it would be too messy, right?
Anyway, Edward and I played frisbee and enjoyed the pool for the last time this year the other day. Yep, the beach is closed for the year. No more showing our beautiful tanned bodies off to the girls. Laura and our neighbor, Leigh Anne, came by while we were out there. I have found these fun little computerized rowing machines in the gym where Ashley and I work out on Wednesday and Friday morning. They overlook the swimming pool through these big glass windows and I also get a really good view of all of the girls on the treadmills. We've both decided that we need to really get into shape so that we can start impressing members of the opposite sex again because these damn long distance relationships just don't work... he he.
Well, I've started an extremely dedicated and rigorous study program lately where I am almost always doing something class related. I'm learning every possible bit of every book and lecture that I can so I can try to get some real mental benefit, plus some good grades, out of these damn classes. It kind of sucks because it's already time to register for next semester's classes! and I don't even know how I'm doing in the ones I have right now! I've also boycotted the telephone and anything else that costs money. I just had my FIRST exams in a couple of my classes and still have no real grade in my English class yet. I did get back my really hard essay exam from my honors class which is one of only two exams for the semester. The second half of the test was one giant essay which I got a "very good" on and ended up with an A on the whole test!!! Go me!
We took an extremely hard biology lab practical exam with forty fill in the blank questions yesterday. Sixty percent of the people failed it last semester and Ashley and I studied all weekend and went to all three study sessions even though they were held on Saturday and Sunday. We also went to that Florida Museum of Natural History and learned far more of the Kingdoms, Phylum, and Classes than we ever would have at the study sessions! All of their animal displays seemed to coincide exactly with what we needed to learn plus we had fun doing so. They also recreated a cavern inside the museum, (I don't remember if you all ever went) that is like walking through a real underground cave. Ashley and I went in there twice and joked that we were going to tell everybody we've been hanging out in caves together to make them jealous!
I rejoined the social scene this weekend by making plans with the neighbors to go partying on Friday night. I spent a good two hours over there talking to them. Actually all of us (my roommates) and all of them were kind of going back and forth between both rooms the entire time. We had the stereo blasting, caught up on each other's desperate love lives, and gave each other back massages. We planned on going out at about eleven. Well, my lovelies downstairs, Ashley and Laura, called me at ten thirty and asked me to come party with them and of course I took the more promising offer and stood up my roommates and the neighbors. Anything to be with Laura whom I've been hitting on as much as possible lately. I spent Saturday night with them and their friends again. I met Laura's little "social boyfriend" and she kissed him in front of me so that I could see how she felt that night at the Busch Gardens party when I "ripped out her heart, through it to the ground, and trampled all over it!" by making out with Shar¡ in front of her. But she only pecked him, and hopefully he didn't peck her! Ha ha!
There was a fire drill going on when I came home from studying Sunday night and I found Laura and her roommates. Laura had a container of Ben and Jerry's ice cream full of nuts, dark, and white chocolate. We were together on a couch and she kept feeding it to me. The neighbors were talking to me there, too, but seemed to be eyeing me kind of funny (for being with Laura I guess).
Well there's plenty more to tell you and anyone else who might read this letter, but I'm running out of space. I guess I'll start on the next one... It's time to go watch Aladdin...
Love, Dan
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Well that pretty much sums things up lately, or so far as my family knows. Actually, I haven't talked to them or heard from them since they left here Sunday night two weeks ago. They could all be dead for all I know. But I did finally mail Chrissy another letter, and it was a long one.
I figured out what I should have said to Shar¡ in my answer to her. The entire letter should have read, "Yes boss." That should have taken care of things nicely and would have implied that this decision was entirely hers, which it pretty much was. Jon was kind of glad that I've decided to remain friends with her because he says that she needs me, because she's one fucked up chick. That's funny. I was thinking for a while earlier about when Shar¡ and I first met and how I had to overcome a lot of things that are wrong with her, and how once I did it was pretty easy to go from there. People are way to fucking shallow because I've heard quite a bit the question of why I ever went out with a girl like that and how I'm better off know. There so full of shit, it's pathetic.
Well, I've found my female twin!!! It's unbelievable how much the two of us are alike. I'm referring to that gorgeous beauty, Karen. Not only are we both pre-Med sophomores who aren't done with general education, but we have almost identical IQ and SAT scores. But that's all crap, we also have extremely similar attitudes and personalities from what I've seen so far. A lot of the jokes that I had made to Ashley about psychology class and about excessive studying, she has made to me in the past couple of days. She is pretty sarcastic and likes to blurt out her opinions of things exactly like I do. The professor was talking about caffeine today and who it helps and Karen joked to me that you should just take speed! I had said the same thing to Ashley and that's not something to many people pull out of their heads on their own as a joke. I thus knew exactly what to say to her.
Personality interests me immensely, and we learned all about the characteristics of introverts and extroverts today. I see myself as an introvert only to find out that they have a much higher level of constant brain stimulation which is why they don't need as much outside stimulus. That's cool. We were also talking about either being emotionally stable or instable, and I show heavy signs of both. I also have a lot of extrovert traits which may explain my ability to deal with such a large range of people as my friends. Karen was telling me that she fits the instable introvert category which is kind of funny. She said that she thinks far too much and it often takes her over an hour to fall asleep at nights. I asked her what she was doing in bed that keeps her up that long?!, but she said in a sense that it is alone.
Speaking of her boyfriend, she said that they haven't talked yet since their big argument before Monday! She told me that he always picks on her and tries to make her feel like shit and it just really pissed her off. I played it off asking how anybody could do such a thing and now I know what to be careful about with her. I put my bookbag in the chair next to me before class so that she could sit in it when she got there. I fantasized in my mind that she would come bouncing up with a smile on her face and wait for me to move it, just so she could sit with me. Well, I wouldn't be saying this unless my little fantasy came true. It was really cute. Our teacher was also talking about Mr. Rogers and she said that she has never seen that show. I joked that it used to come on after Sesame Street. She said that she didn't watch that either because they didn't show it in England!!! What more could I ask for!!! I have found the perfect woman!!!!!
As our teacher mentioned the SATs, she asked me what I had gotten on it. After I said 1270, I asked her, and she said 1280, gloating just like I would have if I was talking to somebody I beat by ten pints. That was kind of funny and I really liked it. I gloated Monday about my 145 IQ compared to her 138. Actually mine is officially 142, but I gave myself the benefit of the doubt where the error was concerned since I multiplied things on that exam when I should have been adding...
Well, we got to take some ink blot tests as a class today. He asked us to keep our findings secret until everybody had pictured something. In the first one I saw a fetal pig, just because that has been on my mind so much lately. I told her that and she thought it was really funny as we identified all the structures. It was cute. In the next one, I told her that I saw a woman spread eagle and she started laughing really hard in surprise! We kept coming up with all kinds of stuff for that picture. He turned it upside down and had us look again. My mind focused on the white parts surrounded by the black parts and picked out what looked exactly like Pippi Longstocking in a bikini. I actually saw the girl in a bikini first, and then had to explain what looked like huge pigtails. She didn't really take my answer seriously, but then something better happened than I ever could have asked for. I only wish I would have told Griggs what I had seen! He walked up to the front after he had collected a menagerie of responses, and moved the paper covering the rest of the transparency. He told us that once in one of his classes, a person saw "Pippi Longstocking in a bikini!" I was shocked and thought that was amazing and had to gloat to Karen... Damn I'm good!! Well, Shar¡ should have gotten my letter today...
How's life my wonderful dear sister? Mine sucks! But everybody else's sucks, too, so I guess everything is normal!
Well I just got home a little while ago from my fetal pig dissection in biology lab! My hands smell really good right now, like they've been stored in formaldehyde in a hospital basement for fifty years! It's really sick. I ate two hotdogs before class just to get in the mood and came home three hours later to eat one of those big cans of Dinty Moore Stew and a whole box of macaroni and cheese. I guess it didn't bother me any. Bring on Gross Anatomy and the human dissection!, fun fun! I actually did have a lot of fun and made a bunch of really funny jokes to the class. Last week I had half of them believing that we got to pick our pigs ALIVE out of a cardboard box, squealing and adorable! The girls were freaking out and said they wouldn't do it and our teacher had to lecture for ten minutes that they are indeed dead and this is all done for the benefit of learning. It was really funny.
Our female big was black and pink and bigger than all of the others and already had hair all over it. They are twice as big as the ones in high school it seems. College lab is a very open atmosphere and you get to keep dissecting as much as you want in any order you want which is much more fun than high school. I opened up and washed out the stomach and my cute little hispanic teacher kept explaining everything to the two of us that nobody else got to see because they are all stupid. Don, my partner, attacked the sexual organs and I went for the head towards the end of the class. I cut out the tongue and observed the throat, removed and dissected an eye, and exposed the brain for the class to see. It was quite fun, and I fear we had a little too much fun.... ha ha ha.
I then met this gorgeous tanned blonde who I've been flirting with for quite a while now. I started talking to her meaninglessly last week in lab and she came and sat next to me during our last psychology exam, for she's in there, too. She lives above me in our Tower so I decided to walk home with her today. She a microbiology pre-med sophomore who isn't going to finish her general education on time just like me!!!!! Plus her older sister lives in Tampa and knows some people that work at Busch Gardens. I was extremely impressed. And I fell for Shar¡ thinking a girl this perfect didn't exist or at least I'd never run into one.....
Tell mother I have tuberculosis antibodies. That means my body destroyed the giant needleful of toxic disease I paid the nurse to shoot into my arm last week. Now I can volunteer. I heard that volunteering from an early age (now) will cause the medical schools to overlook a less than perfect GPA. Luck for me.
Guess what I ate for dinner last night. When father and I went to Granny's on our way up here the first day, she showed me how to cook cornbread and actually let me cook it. Well, I fried me up a big batch last night in a skillet. I just dumped the oil from the Fry Daddy into the pan, and back when I was done. Chris, who usually doesn't like my food thought they were really good. I then made a big bowl of purple hull peas and had a barbecue chicken patty sandwich. Aren't you jealous? The peas were really good and are new from Bush's. I was going to mail you one, but it was too thick for the envelope. I'll send the pig's spleen instead, if I can find it in the bottom of my bookbag.
Ashley and I have become extremely good friends lately. It amazes me that I used to think that I would be this way with Laura when the year started, but instead I befriended her roommate who I never even knew before. I have started being the nicest person in the world to Laura again and called her the other night for an hour. We laughed at the end, realizing we talked so long on the phone even though we were only "twenty" feet away from each other. She invited me over, but I didn't go right then. I'm over there enough as it is. Ashley said I can borrow and copy all of their CDs which means I don't have to buy any more. Hurrah. She listens mainly to country... he he.
Ashley has a long distance relationship with a guy named Daniel at an Air Force base up in the panhandle and has gone through exactly everything I have with Shar¡ and everything has almost coincided perfectly. We always seem to have the same problems at the same time so we can both be there for each other and it can get really interesting. They almost broke up last night and she came to me instead of Laura or any off her other roommates to spill her guts. Once again I am playing the psychiatrist. I also figured out why the girls like me to cry on... I'm tall enough that I give the average girl a nice big chest to plant her head into when she wants to whine about something. Ashley and I hug all of the time and put our arms around each other just to be cute. I think I should start charging for my mental services...
I discovered a wonderful money saving technique that may come in handy in the future. I was supposed to buy yet another book for my honors class about the Romans and I decided that I really didn't want to. Instead, since it was more of a reference book than a textbook, I went to the big library and searched in the computers until I actually found a copy!!! It was printed in 1966 rather than 1993, but both of the authors are dead anyway so there wouldn't be any new revisions. So I checked it out for three weeks which is just as long as we'll probably need it in the class, and saved myself almost twenty dollars! Aren't I smart. Our professor in psychology has been lecturing on IQ scores and I showed him my profile and he recognized the test and told me all about it. He then said that I have an extremely high score and used my score yesterday as an example to the entire class. I felt special.
I was supposed to go on a date to the mall with Ashley last weekend but I didn't want to wait around all day Saturday for her to get home and call, so I just left and went and studied in the library. It was raining all weekend, but I walked way downtown to this Taste of Homecoming festival anyway. Ed was playing there with the orchestra and his parents were there to give me a ride home if I wanted to show up. They wanted to drive me there but I declined. There are lots of really cool little specialty shops all along the main roads downtown and I was really impressed. There were lots of things you'd never see if you sped by in a car. Central Park is also a much nicer place than I would have ever imagined being in Gainesville. I had a fun time. It turned out that Ashley called me not long after I left, but oh well.
I keep running into Jennifer all over the place. She's the girl from German last year and we keep trying to plan a get together. Laura and I also want to go to Busch Gardens together sometime maybe over Thanksgiving or Christmas. You would be disgusted at the stuff she and I tell each other about how we were in love with each other and so forth. She recalls the Busch Gardens party and how that was the night I ripped her heart out of her chest, threw it to the ground, and trampled all over it by being with Shar¡! I told her a nice little story that Chris always tells me to make a girl jealous to make her want you even more. I then told her that I picked Shar¡ just to make her jealous so that she would like me even more! It was really funny. I also met this other blonde today who I have been flirting with in my honors class. I switched seats in the class so I was closer to her and she came and sat right next to me today, finally. She's from Atlanta and knows quite a bit about the mountains north of there.
Shar¡ used to live in Atlanta, and in Marietta for a while. She said that Cord screamed out, "Barney!," when she first gave him my little birthday present. That was cute.
I got yet another A on my German culture exam which so many people in the class screw up on. I perform exceedingly well in there for some reason. He introduced us to Martin Luther (the WHITE one!!!)who is the founder of the Protestants and made us read one of his books. I was amazed at how much I believed everything he said about religion and how Catholics are full of crap. It was almost enlightening, but I wouldn't go that far because I would be lying. I also got back a major paper from my English class with this little note at the bottom of the paper that read, "Most of this paper is very good - clearly written with some excellent insights. there ar points where it could be improved and developed, but what you have done shows talent and intelligence." I was very impressed because this guy is usually a professor of graduate English classes and knows what he's talking about!
Well, it's Tuesday night now and I'll finish up about the weekend so I can finally mail you this giant and wonderful letter tomorrow morning!!! Aren't you happy?!? You should appreciate its length, too, because it'd be a good six or seven pages at least if it were hand written, and you wouldn't be able to read it anyway because it would be too messy, right?
Anyway, Edward and I played frisbee and enjoyed the pool for the last time this year the other day. Yep, the beach is closed for the year. No more showing our beautiful tanned bodies off to the girls. Laura and our neighbor, Leigh Anne, came by while we were out there. I have found these fun little computerized rowing machines in the gym where Ashley and I work out on Wednesday and Friday morning. They overlook the swimming pool through these big glass windows and I also get a really good view of all of the girls on the treadmills. We've both decided that we need to really get into shape so that we can start impressing members of the opposite sex again because these damn long distance relationships just don't work... he he.
Well, I've started an extremely dedicated and rigorous study program lately where I am almost always doing something class related. I'm learning every possible bit of every book and lecture that I can so I can try to get some real mental benefit, plus some good grades, out of these damn classes. It kind of sucks because it's already time to register for next semester's classes! and I don't even know how I'm doing in the ones I have right now! I've also boycotted the telephone and anything else that costs money. I just had my FIRST exams in a couple of my classes and still have no real grade in my English class yet. I did get back my really hard essay exam from my honors class which is one of only two exams for the semester. The second half of the test was one giant essay which I got a "very good" on and ended up with an A on the whole test!!! Go me!
We took an extremely hard biology lab practical exam with forty fill in the blank questions yesterday. Sixty percent of the people failed it last semester and Ashley and I studied all weekend and went to all three study sessions even though they were held on Saturday and Sunday. We also went to that Florida Museum of Natural History and learned far more of the Kingdoms, Phylum, and Classes than we ever would have at the study sessions! All of their animal displays seemed to coincide exactly with what we needed to learn plus we had fun doing so. They also recreated a cavern inside the museum, (I don't remember if you all ever went) that is like walking through a real underground cave. Ashley and I went in there twice and joked that we were going to tell everybody we've been hanging out in caves together to make them jealous!
I rejoined the social scene this weekend by making plans with the neighbors to go partying on Friday night. I spent a good two hours over there talking to them. Actually all of us (my roommates) and all of them were kind of going back and forth between both rooms the entire time. We had the stereo blasting, caught up on each other's desperate love lives, and gave each other back massages. We planned on going out at about eleven. Well, my lovelies downstairs, Ashley and Laura, called me at ten thirty and asked me to come party with them and of course I took the more promising offer and stood up my roommates and the neighbors. Anything to be with Laura whom I've been hitting on as much as possible lately. I spent Saturday night with them and their friends again. I met Laura's little "social boyfriend" and she kissed him in front of me so that I could see how she felt that night at the Busch Gardens party when I "ripped out her heart, through it to the ground, and trampled all over it!" by making out with Shar¡ in front of her. But she only pecked him, and hopefully he didn't peck her! Ha ha!
There was a fire drill going on when I came home from studying Sunday night and I found Laura and her roommates. Laura had a container of Ben and Jerry's ice cream full of nuts, dark, and white chocolate. We were together on a couch and she kept feeding it to me. The neighbors were talking to me there, too, but seemed to be eyeing me kind of funny (for being with Laura I guess).
Well there's plenty more to tell you and anyone else who might read this letter, but I'm running out of space. I guess I'll start on the next one... It's time to go watch Aladdin...
Love, Dan
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Well that pretty much sums things up lately, or so far as my family knows. Actually, I haven't talked to them or heard from them since they left here Sunday night two weeks ago. They could all be dead for all I know. But I did finally mail Chrissy another letter, and it was a long one.
I figured out what I should have said to Shar¡ in my answer to her. The entire letter should have read, "Yes boss." That should have taken care of things nicely and would have implied that this decision was entirely hers, which it pretty much was. Jon was kind of glad that I've decided to remain friends with her because he says that she needs me, because she's one fucked up chick. That's funny. I was thinking for a while earlier about when Shar¡ and I first met and how I had to overcome a lot of things that are wrong with her, and how once I did it was pretty easy to go from there. People are way to fucking shallow because I've heard quite a bit the question of why I ever went out with a girl like that and how I'm better off know. There so full of shit, it's pathetic.
Well, I've found my female twin!!! It's unbelievable how much the two of us are alike. I'm referring to that gorgeous beauty, Karen. Not only are we both pre-Med sophomores who aren't done with general education, but we have almost identical IQ and SAT scores. But that's all crap, we also have extremely similar attitudes and personalities from what I've seen so far. A lot of the jokes that I had made to Ashley about psychology class and about excessive studying, she has made to me in the past couple of days. She is pretty sarcastic and likes to blurt out her opinions of things exactly like I do. The professor was talking about caffeine today and who it helps and Karen joked to me that you should just take speed! I had said the same thing to Ashley and that's not something to many people pull out of their heads on their own as a joke. I thus knew exactly what to say to her.
Personality interests me immensely, and we learned all about the characteristics of introverts and extroverts today. I see myself as an introvert only to find out that they have a much higher level of constant brain stimulation which is why they don't need as much outside stimulus. That's cool. We were also talking about either being emotionally stable or instable, and I show heavy signs of both. I also have a lot of extrovert traits which may explain my ability to deal with such a large range of people as my friends. Karen was telling me that she fits the instable introvert category which is kind of funny. She said that she thinks far too much and it often takes her over an hour to fall asleep at nights. I asked her what she was doing in bed that keeps her up that long?!, but she said in a sense that it is alone.
Speaking of her boyfriend, she said that they haven't talked yet since their big argument before Monday! She told me that he always picks on her and tries to make her feel like shit and it just really pissed her off. I played it off asking how anybody could do such a thing and now I know what to be careful about with her. I put my bookbag in the chair next to me before class so that she could sit in it when she got there. I fantasized in my mind that she would come bouncing up with a smile on her face and wait for me to move it, just so she could sit with me. Well, I wouldn't be saying this unless my little fantasy came true. It was really cute. Our teacher was also talking about Mr. Rogers and she said that she has never seen that show. I joked that it used to come on after Sesame Street. She said that she didn't watch that either because they didn't show it in England!!! What more could I ask for!!! I have found the perfect woman!!!!!
As our teacher mentioned the SATs, she asked me what I had gotten on it. After I said 1270, I asked her, and she said 1280, gloating just like I would have if I was talking to somebody I beat by ten pints. That was kind of funny and I really liked it. I gloated Monday about my 145 IQ compared to her 138. Actually mine is officially 142, but I gave myself the benefit of the doubt where the error was concerned since I multiplied things on that exam when I should have been adding...
Well, we got to take some ink blot tests as a class today. He asked us to keep our findings secret until everybody had pictured something. In the first one I saw a fetal pig, just because that has been on my mind so much lately. I told her that and she thought it was really funny as we identified all the structures. It was cute. In the next one, I told her that I saw a woman spread eagle and she started laughing really hard in surprise! We kept coming up with all kinds of stuff for that picture. He turned it upside down and had us look again. My mind focused on the white parts surrounded by the black parts and picked out what looked exactly like Pippi Longstocking in a bikini. I actually saw the girl in a bikini first, and then had to explain what looked like huge pigtails. She didn't really take my answer seriously, but then something better happened than I ever could have asked for. I only wish I would have told Griggs what I had seen! He walked up to the front after he had collected a menagerie of responses, and moved the paper covering the rest of the transparency. He told us that once in one of his classes, a person saw "Pippi Longstocking in a bikini!" I was shocked and thought that was amazing and had to gloat to Karen... Damn I'm good!! Well, Shar¡ should have gotten my letter today...
Sunday, October 24, 1993
October 24, 1993 - Sunday - The ride is over, bye...
Shar¡,
Whew! That's a relief... I'd like to tell you someday what the other horrible truth was that I had thought you might tell me. I had a very strong reason to believe in it, too.
But anyway, I guessed right on your intentions a good three weeks ago and feel that it's the best thing for us to do. For us to even try to make it happen after only knowing each other for a couple of weeks was pretty naive itself, even though it was pretty cute.
After seeing what our nasty little misunderstanding did to us on my trip home, I kind of decided that there was no way we would be able to keep any kind of relationship while I am up here. I knew that probably the only way we'd ever have a chance is if we started everything over again someday down the road. There are definitely a lot of if's in that assumption and it's not something that I'll ever be looking for to happen. If it happens.... it happens, if not... then oh well. I just let things float along after that point and waited to see whether you'd come up with the same assumptions, which you did. I was going to wait to tell you face to face when I went home over Thanksgiving break, remembering you little promise that we would never break up over the phone or via letter.
It's my fault for not telling you the whole side of my story all along. The doubts were there all of the time just because it seemed like I barely knew you. I've always felt a little guilty because you would at least give me an idea about what wasn't working right in your mind between us and I didn't do the same. I always told you the truth, although everything I wrote was edited to be nice because I just didn't want to say anything that might piss you off.
One party... two days... and three shots later,
Only you know what's best for you and what you want out of life right now, and there's no way I can argue with you or hold any of that against you. Thinking back, I am disappointed about how things turned out but there is no real reason for me to hate you over something that couldn't be avoided. That would only show that I didn't ever really care about you, which isn't the case at all. I think I'll always enjoy hearing from you and knowing what's going on. So... I'd like to keep in touch with you and possibly continue to hang out every once in a while when I come around if you don't see any major problems with that.
Well, I'd like to hear from you soon if you can find the time. Cya!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Actually the letter had a few minor improvements as I copied it off of the screen to as more personal piece of paper. I wrote, "That was a nice three months present!" across the back and sealed the envelope with a peace symbol.
As Jon puts it, "So ends another chapter in your book!" That was really funny and I liked it a lot. As I put it, "So ends my roller coaster ride!" Now I must decide whether to get back in line, or find another ride. Peace.
Whew! That's a relief... I'd like to tell you someday what the other horrible truth was that I had thought you might tell me. I had a very strong reason to believe in it, too.
But anyway, I guessed right on your intentions a good three weeks ago and feel that it's the best thing for us to do. For us to even try to make it happen after only knowing each other for a couple of weeks was pretty naive itself, even though it was pretty cute.
After seeing what our nasty little misunderstanding did to us on my trip home, I kind of decided that there was no way we would be able to keep any kind of relationship while I am up here. I knew that probably the only way we'd ever have a chance is if we started everything over again someday down the road. There are definitely a lot of if's in that assumption and it's not something that I'll ever be looking for to happen. If it happens.... it happens, if not... then oh well. I just let things float along after that point and waited to see whether you'd come up with the same assumptions, which you did. I was going to wait to tell you face to face when I went home over Thanksgiving break, remembering you little promise that we would never break up over the phone or via letter.
It's my fault for not telling you the whole side of my story all along. The doubts were there all of the time just because it seemed like I barely knew you. I've always felt a little guilty because you would at least give me an idea about what wasn't working right in your mind between us and I didn't do the same. I always told you the truth, although everything I wrote was edited to be nice because I just didn't want to say anything that might piss you off.
One party... two days... and three shots later,
Only you know what's best for you and what you want out of life right now, and there's no way I can argue with you or hold any of that against you. Thinking back, I am disappointed about how things turned out but there is no real reason for me to hate you over something that couldn't be avoided. That would only show that I didn't ever really care about you, which isn't the case at all. I think I'll always enjoy hearing from you and knowing what's going on. So... I'd like to keep in touch with you and possibly continue to hang out every once in a while when I come around if you don't see any major problems with that.
Well, I'd like to hear from you soon if you can find the time. Cya!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Actually the letter had a few minor improvements as I copied it off of the screen to as more personal piece of paper. I wrote, "That was a nice three months present!" across the back and sealed the envelope with a peace symbol.
As Jon puts it, "So ends another chapter in your book!" That was really funny and I liked it a lot. As I put it, "So ends my roller coaster ride!" Now I must decide whether to get back in line, or find another ride. Peace.
Thursday, October 21, 1993
October 21, 1993 - Thursday - Ash has troubles, Karen!
It's time to dissect a fetal pig!!! What fun! I just ate two yummy hotdogs to get me in the mood! things have been flowing rather well the past couple days socially. I've had really good talks with both Ashley and Laura, Shar¡, and I finally met this very sensuous blonde in my honors class. Her name is Katie, but I don't know that yet.
I asked Ashley when Laura would be home on Tuesday so that I could give her a long deserved call of her very own. I have kind of been implying that Shar¡ and I are pretty much over and that I have a rekindled interest in Laura. I wonder how far this will get me. When I called later that night, Ashley answered and I asked right out for Laura so that I could assure her the call was truly for her. Ashley was on the other line and kicked that person off and told Laura the call was for her. Ashley and I then talked for a good ten minutes which was pretty funny. She said later that Jana and Laura looked at each other and wondered if the call really was for her. When I finally did start talking to Laura, Ashley said that she walked right into her room and shut the door.
We joked around a lot and had a pretty good conversation. I tried to compliment her as much as possibly, but not too much. I kind of hinted at an interest towards her. I found out lately through the two of them that I am a topic of their conversation a lot more that I would have thought. Laura noticed my birthday in her calender the other day and told Ashley, who said that she has it in hers, too. Laura asked me if I was trying to get presents or something and laughed. I told her how really bad I felt about not getting her anything for her birthday but explained that was when I first found out Shar¡ and I probably weren't going to work and was kind of depressed. We decided to grant each other our company on a trip to Busch Gardens possibly over Thanksgiving as birthday presents to each other. Cool!
We were doing our usual bullshit to each other about how we love each other and how certain things we used to do at Busch Gardens were for each other. She mentioned her friend Jackie, and I asked if I knew her. She was the girl that came with Laura after she quit Busch Gardens "just to see me" and I remembered her. James was there and they were both going to share their crushed lemonade with me. We talked a little about the party again, but not about Shar¡. I mentioned that I though her cousin, Chrissy, was cute and she complained that everybody told her that her cousin was pretty, but they never told her that. I quickly reminded her that I told her that it must run in the family back when I first said that Chrissy was cute at Busch Gardens. Laura remembered that indeed I did and that went over really well!
We even mentioned how, at one time or another, we mentioned each other to our parents when we would talk about our work. I could tell that both of us were underemphasizing what we were saying as not to sound too desperate. I almost think that's part of human nature. Everybody is always worried that someone is going to find out that they think about stuff like that, but they don't realize that so does everybody else! It's all miscommunication... Ashley and I had been talking about her pig dissection and I brought Stimpy into the conversation. She thought that was mean, but then I said that we'd put him to better use, like food! She said something and then I said that he would be really tender because he gets all of Laura's love. It was really sweet and Ashley really liked it. She told Laura that we had been talking about her later but I was a little embarrassed to tell her what I had said.
Things worked out rather well during our talk, though, and I was really glad and was cheered up. It almost completely took my mind off of Shar¡. I just realized how her going out so much can do the same thing to her about me. Bitch. Laura asked me at the end if I wanted to come down and see them but I said not right now because we had just talked on the phone for an hour! I then realized that we did so even though we were only about "twenty" feet away from each other and that was pretty funny. I told her that she better call me soon as we said goodbye as she got a long distant phone call.
Ashley had me come over to the room and listen to the new Brian Adams song that Daniel had dedicated to her before we went to class. It is perfect and I'd love for Shar¡ to hear it. Speaking of songs... the Anything For Love video is out on MTV now and I watched it separately with both Chris and Jon. It's awesome and Chris loves it. Jon even thought it was really powerful and they now realize why I picked it out as such an awesome song so long ago. It's bound to become a classic love song and I love it! Anyway, we unfortunately didn't run into Laura on the way to class like we sometimes do and like we had planned on the phone the night before. That sucked and I told Ashley so. She was telling me that Daniel called and said that because he has been selected as a candidate for serviceman of the quarter, he won't be able to take his week long leave to come and see her for homecoming. She was crushed because she has tickets for him and everything and this will be her first time seeing him in six months. I tried to comfort her as best I could.
After biology, we went to the gym and worked out for half an hour. We did the rowing machines which I have a sudden fondness for. That had to have been the best workout I have done in a long time and I felt it all through my arms and shoulders... just what I want! I think I'll stick to them and only them for a while now. It's a lot easier than the Nautilus as well because the little computers keep track of your progress and you can set goals for yourself. I need that. I did start getting nauseous after we stopped probably because I drank a bunch of water and hadn't eaten breakfast. I left and as I felt so much better when I hit the fresh air outside.
In our psychology class, I missed sitting with Karen again. Professor Griggs did bring up the fact that someone in the class had brought in their psychological profile and his score was plus three standard deviation points! The graph was on the screen and made it look like that was the highest IQ one could have and the room got extra quiet for a moment. I beamed although I wasn't ever personally identified. I went and studied for a while later on, and ran into Jenn on my walk home. She asked me if I was carrying her yellow gloves with me and I had to sadly admit hat I haven't. Chris, her boyfriend, was with her and she introduced us and he said that he was glad to meet me sounding like he has definitely heard about me and is finally getting a chance to see who I am. I know he's heard about me from her and I found that funny. She talked to me for quite a while before I sent them on their merry way. She said that she'll call me sometime next week.
I wasn't home long when someone knocked on the door. I had changed into semi respectable dorm clothes, fortunately, but was reclined watching the television. It was Ashley! She asked what I was doing and then asked if we could talk. I instantly focused my attention on her. She was also in dorm clothes and her hair was somewhat awry, which looked pretty sexy! Jon was in the shower, and she sat right next to me. I quickly realized that she was really upset and was on the brink of breaking down and bawling on my shoulder. She almost did a couple of times but held back. She had just gotten a nasty call from Daniel where he told her a lot of stuff, but it was a bunch of bullshit and wasn't the complete truth. I know exactly how she feels because it's almost identical to what I've been going through with Shar¡.
He said that he is still getting homecoming weekend off, but is flying to Boston instead! That really pissed her off because he's going off with his buddies instead of coming to see her. He also won't be seeing her now over Thanksgiving! She said that he was asking her whether she's been seeing people here in Gainesville and she told him how she's gone to parties and stuff with people but not anybody in particular. He then told her that he's kind of seeing someone there. He also said that he's getting tired of her parents always restricting what she does and that they will interfere with him wanting to marry her and so forth. It kind of looks like he wanted to marry her sooner than she wants to get married, which is in about three years after she gets her degree because she can't just move to Ft. Walton Beach now with him and can't live separated if she's married to him. I told her that he might want some security from her and if he thinks he might not get it, he wants to try and find it somewhere before his "prime time" runs out.
By this time, Jon had finished his shower and I brought him into the conversation. We both agreed that a lot of what Daniel says sounds like mere cop outs rather than legitimate excuses. Like her parents, she is never moving back in with them on a full time basis and he knows that, so that is bullshit. She finished her entire story just as Cecil showed up and she and I kind of tied everything up. She said that he told her again that they really need to talk and she said no shit! There are a bunch of things he's not telling her and she said that all she wants to know is the truth, no matter what it is. I knew exactly how she feels because that's the way I have been with Shar¡ lately.
She told me that her roommates asked her what was up when she got off of the phone and she played it off like everything was all right. She said that she didn't tell them where she was going when she came upstairs and wouldn't when she got back. She said she'll tell them she just went on a walk because she doesn't want them to know to what extent she was crying over Daniel again. Otherwise I would have gone back to her room with her to see Laura. We said goodbye and she thanked us both a lot and I told her that I'm always here if she needs to talk and I think she really likes that. Once again I think I need to become a psychiatrist because they always seem to trust me as someone who can take the brunt of the problems. My best feature is that I listen and can therefore tell them exactly what they need to hear when they need to hear it, instead of just jumping in all of the time with stupid suggestions. Jon actually did that once and it's a shame because I thought he was above that.
I gave Shar¡ a quick little half hour call earlier today just to say hello and see if she mailed me that letter. I slipped that in very tactfully and she said that she actually did! She was cooking tuna fish and macaroni and cheese for the kids when I called and I told her about my pig dissection and grossed her out a little bit. She said that life really sucks down there lately and she is getting her throat infection back again. I let her know again when I'll be coming down for Thanksgiving. I'll be really interested to see what she plans for herself that weekend knowing that I'll be there. We were talking about when she lived in Atlanta for some reason and she has also lived in Marietta. We used to go through Marietta on the way to our property but all I remember about the place is its Kmart. She said that maybe she wants to move to New York now because she's been there before and liked it but I think her little beach bum self would get sick of it pretty quick. I told her to send me a postcard...
I told her that I talk to her on the phone too much just to see what she had to say about that. I let her realize that I talked to her for over an hour on Monday and she was surprised. I said a few other things and then I said it sucks because I don't feel appreciated for doing so. She kind of surprisingly asked me if I was serious. Well I am. I told her that I don't even call my parents even more and have called her a lot more than she realizes. We talked a little longer and I think the talk was pretty much worth it but I really need to cut down even more.
I went to my honors class and the sensuous blonde took the chair right next to the one I usually sit in against the wall in the back. She did that for the exam as well but I didn't figure she'd be back. Of course I just had to talk to her and I heard her tell someone that she is from Atlanta again. I brought that up and told her about our cabin in Blue Ridge. That was pretty cool and at least we've started talking and sitting together now. That cheered me up a little bit.
On my walk home, I made it almost past the swimming pool when along comes Ashley. Oh yea, I ran into Jana and Laura in the elevator this morning when I went downstairs to check the mail. We said hello and talked for a second and she grabbed my arm again as she left on her floor. Anyway, Ashley smiled and we ran right into each other in an automatic embrace with her face implanted again in my chest. The people around us noticed, too, and I liked that. I asked her how she was doing and she started telling me how everybody at her sorority at lunch was asking her what was wrong and so forth. It was cute. She was in a grungy navy blue shirt, as was I, and she mentioned that she looks like crap. I said that we match, because I look like crap, too, and she laughed. My excuse was my dissection, though. She had class in the computer science center and since I didn't have lab for two hours I told her I walk with her to class and she thanked me and really sounded like she meant it. I am more than happy to be there for her and love the fact that I've found such a dear and close friend.
Now for Laura...
But anyway, I dissected a pig and had an awesome time doing so! I happened to be walking through a doorway as Karen, the gorgeous blonde, was coming and I waited to hold it for her. She smiled and said hello and we talked for a second. Once she made it to class we started talking about our classes for a few minutes. Eva never showed up which sucked, so I decided to work with Donald who was probably a much better choice. We picked the biggest, prettiest, piggy all of the bags. Our's was a tricolored black and pink one compared to the normal little plain pink ones. Ours was also much more developed which I figured would make the anatomy larger. I remembered many of the techniques and mistakes we made back in high school and thus had our pig tied up and ready for its operation quicker and better than anybody else. It sucked that all of the gloves were extra large, with short, stubby fingers that didn't fit or work worth a damn! They are definitely a bunch of stupid idiots.
Donald had also dissected a pig in high school, so we took a different approach to the dissection. That was the beauty of college lab, you can take it as far and detailed as you want, and I wanted to actually learn from this pig. Donald called it Beavis and Butthead lab and I laughed. I kept making really funny jokes that somebody else would come up with in the back of the room about five minutes later. We were laughing really hard that everybody kept stealing my jokes! After quickly exploring the systems as a whole, I decided to go further and isolate each organ and dissect it. I would do my best to remove it cleanly and in tact, and Donald would make the agreed upon cross section or whatever. He first did the heart and went on to all of the others. I removed the intestines and tried to unravel the small ones but hey proved disappointedly weak in structure.
The kidney was especially interesting because we had just learned about the medulla and cortex and were able to make a perfect cross section. We would have Natalia come and explain things to us every few minutes and I actually learned quite a bit and was very satisfied by the end of lab. I removed the stomach with small extensions of the connecting tubes intact. I opened it and washed it out for both an external and internal view. Donald then went for the excretory and female reproductive system as I attacked the head. I removed the tongue, an eyeball which I dissected and saw the internal aqueous humor which impressed me, and finally the brain! Chris had told me to do so and was probably the spark of my creativity. The brain was very soft and I exhibited that by plunging my thumb into it as we finished the dissection. By the end of lab we had cleanly and efficiently massacred the entire pig and I probably learned more and got more value out of the pigs life than anybody else in any of the labs.
Karen finished up at about the same time. She asked me once if I had gone to class on Wednesday and then asked if she could borrow my notes. That's why she didn't sit with me! I asked her then if she was going home and she hadn't yet made the connection. I asked her if she didn't live in Beaty and suddenly she remembered me from there! She was more than happy to walk home with me and we talked a lot. She is a sophomore microbiology and pre-med major that will have sixty credits at Christmas but won't yet be finished with general education. Exactly like me!!! Plus she extremely gorgeous with beautiful straight blonde hair, a dark tan, has a sister in Tampa, and lives in Beaty East! What more could one ask for. (Love...true love!) We talked about a lot of stuff including how we like living in Beaty. It was awesome to finally meet her enough to make her stick around. She'll be sitting with me in Psychology tomorrow as well if she wants my notes. Hurrah.
I asked Ashley when Laura would be home on Tuesday so that I could give her a long deserved call of her very own. I have kind of been implying that Shar¡ and I are pretty much over and that I have a rekindled interest in Laura. I wonder how far this will get me. When I called later that night, Ashley answered and I asked right out for Laura so that I could assure her the call was truly for her. Ashley was on the other line and kicked that person off and told Laura the call was for her. Ashley and I then talked for a good ten minutes which was pretty funny. She said later that Jana and Laura looked at each other and wondered if the call really was for her. When I finally did start talking to Laura, Ashley said that she walked right into her room and shut the door.
We joked around a lot and had a pretty good conversation. I tried to compliment her as much as possibly, but not too much. I kind of hinted at an interest towards her. I found out lately through the two of them that I am a topic of their conversation a lot more that I would have thought. Laura noticed my birthday in her calender the other day and told Ashley, who said that she has it in hers, too. Laura asked me if I was trying to get presents or something and laughed. I told her how really bad I felt about not getting her anything for her birthday but explained that was when I first found out Shar¡ and I probably weren't going to work and was kind of depressed. We decided to grant each other our company on a trip to Busch Gardens possibly over Thanksgiving as birthday presents to each other. Cool!
We were doing our usual bullshit to each other about how we love each other and how certain things we used to do at Busch Gardens were for each other. She mentioned her friend Jackie, and I asked if I knew her. She was the girl that came with Laura after she quit Busch Gardens "just to see me" and I remembered her. James was there and they were both going to share their crushed lemonade with me. We talked a little about the party again, but not about Shar¡. I mentioned that I though her cousin, Chrissy, was cute and she complained that everybody told her that her cousin was pretty, but they never told her that. I quickly reminded her that I told her that it must run in the family back when I first said that Chrissy was cute at Busch Gardens. Laura remembered that indeed I did and that went over really well!
We even mentioned how, at one time or another, we mentioned each other to our parents when we would talk about our work. I could tell that both of us were underemphasizing what we were saying as not to sound too desperate. I almost think that's part of human nature. Everybody is always worried that someone is going to find out that they think about stuff like that, but they don't realize that so does everybody else! It's all miscommunication... Ashley and I had been talking about her pig dissection and I brought Stimpy into the conversation. She thought that was mean, but then I said that we'd put him to better use, like food! She said something and then I said that he would be really tender because he gets all of Laura's love. It was really sweet and Ashley really liked it. She told Laura that we had been talking about her later but I was a little embarrassed to tell her what I had said.
Things worked out rather well during our talk, though, and I was really glad and was cheered up. It almost completely took my mind off of Shar¡. I just realized how her going out so much can do the same thing to her about me. Bitch. Laura asked me at the end if I wanted to come down and see them but I said not right now because we had just talked on the phone for an hour! I then realized that we did so even though we were only about "twenty" feet away from each other and that was pretty funny. I told her that she better call me soon as we said goodbye as she got a long distant phone call.
Ashley had me come over to the room and listen to the new Brian Adams song that Daniel had dedicated to her before we went to class. It is perfect and I'd love for Shar¡ to hear it. Speaking of songs... the Anything For Love video is out on MTV now and I watched it separately with both Chris and Jon. It's awesome and Chris loves it. Jon even thought it was really powerful and they now realize why I picked it out as such an awesome song so long ago. It's bound to become a classic love song and I love it! Anyway, we unfortunately didn't run into Laura on the way to class like we sometimes do and like we had planned on the phone the night before. That sucked and I told Ashley so. She was telling me that Daniel called and said that because he has been selected as a candidate for serviceman of the quarter, he won't be able to take his week long leave to come and see her for homecoming. She was crushed because she has tickets for him and everything and this will be her first time seeing him in six months. I tried to comfort her as best I could.
After biology, we went to the gym and worked out for half an hour. We did the rowing machines which I have a sudden fondness for. That had to have been the best workout I have done in a long time and I felt it all through my arms and shoulders... just what I want! I think I'll stick to them and only them for a while now. It's a lot easier than the Nautilus as well because the little computers keep track of your progress and you can set goals for yourself. I need that. I did start getting nauseous after we stopped probably because I drank a bunch of water and hadn't eaten breakfast. I left and as I felt so much better when I hit the fresh air outside.
In our psychology class, I missed sitting with Karen again. Professor Griggs did bring up the fact that someone in the class had brought in their psychological profile and his score was plus three standard deviation points! The graph was on the screen and made it look like that was the highest IQ one could have and the room got extra quiet for a moment. I beamed although I wasn't ever personally identified. I went and studied for a while later on, and ran into Jenn on my walk home. She asked me if I was carrying her yellow gloves with me and I had to sadly admit hat I haven't. Chris, her boyfriend, was with her and she introduced us and he said that he was glad to meet me sounding like he has definitely heard about me and is finally getting a chance to see who I am. I know he's heard about me from her and I found that funny. She talked to me for quite a while before I sent them on their merry way. She said that she'll call me sometime next week.
I wasn't home long when someone knocked on the door. I had changed into semi respectable dorm clothes, fortunately, but was reclined watching the television. It was Ashley! She asked what I was doing and then asked if we could talk. I instantly focused my attention on her. She was also in dorm clothes and her hair was somewhat awry, which looked pretty sexy! Jon was in the shower, and she sat right next to me. I quickly realized that she was really upset and was on the brink of breaking down and bawling on my shoulder. She almost did a couple of times but held back. She had just gotten a nasty call from Daniel where he told her a lot of stuff, but it was a bunch of bullshit and wasn't the complete truth. I know exactly how she feels because it's almost identical to what I've been going through with Shar¡.
He said that he is still getting homecoming weekend off, but is flying to Boston instead! That really pissed her off because he's going off with his buddies instead of coming to see her. He also won't be seeing her now over Thanksgiving! She said that he was asking her whether she's been seeing people here in Gainesville and she told him how she's gone to parties and stuff with people but not anybody in particular. He then told her that he's kind of seeing someone there. He also said that he's getting tired of her parents always restricting what she does and that they will interfere with him wanting to marry her and so forth. It kind of looks like he wanted to marry her sooner than she wants to get married, which is in about three years after she gets her degree because she can't just move to Ft. Walton Beach now with him and can't live separated if she's married to him. I told her that he might want some security from her and if he thinks he might not get it, he wants to try and find it somewhere before his "prime time" runs out.
By this time, Jon had finished his shower and I brought him into the conversation. We both agreed that a lot of what Daniel says sounds like mere cop outs rather than legitimate excuses. Like her parents, she is never moving back in with them on a full time basis and he knows that, so that is bullshit. She finished her entire story just as Cecil showed up and she and I kind of tied everything up. She said that he told her again that they really need to talk and she said no shit! There are a bunch of things he's not telling her and she said that all she wants to know is the truth, no matter what it is. I knew exactly how she feels because that's the way I have been with Shar¡ lately.
She told me that her roommates asked her what was up when she got off of the phone and she played it off like everything was all right. She said that she didn't tell them where she was going when she came upstairs and wouldn't when she got back. She said she'll tell them she just went on a walk because she doesn't want them to know to what extent she was crying over Daniel again. Otherwise I would have gone back to her room with her to see Laura. We said goodbye and she thanked us both a lot and I told her that I'm always here if she needs to talk and I think she really likes that. Once again I think I need to become a psychiatrist because they always seem to trust me as someone who can take the brunt of the problems. My best feature is that I listen and can therefore tell them exactly what they need to hear when they need to hear it, instead of just jumping in all of the time with stupid suggestions. Jon actually did that once and it's a shame because I thought he was above that.
I gave Shar¡ a quick little half hour call earlier today just to say hello and see if she mailed me that letter. I slipped that in very tactfully and she said that she actually did! She was cooking tuna fish and macaroni and cheese for the kids when I called and I told her about my pig dissection and grossed her out a little bit. She said that life really sucks down there lately and she is getting her throat infection back again. I let her know again when I'll be coming down for Thanksgiving. I'll be really interested to see what she plans for herself that weekend knowing that I'll be there. We were talking about when she lived in Atlanta for some reason and she has also lived in Marietta. We used to go through Marietta on the way to our property but all I remember about the place is its Kmart. She said that maybe she wants to move to New York now because she's been there before and liked it but I think her little beach bum self would get sick of it pretty quick. I told her to send me a postcard...
I told her that I talk to her on the phone too much just to see what she had to say about that. I let her realize that I talked to her for over an hour on Monday and she was surprised. I said a few other things and then I said it sucks because I don't feel appreciated for doing so. She kind of surprisingly asked me if I was serious. Well I am. I told her that I don't even call my parents even more and have called her a lot more than she realizes. We talked a little longer and I think the talk was pretty much worth it but I really need to cut down even more.
I went to my honors class and the sensuous blonde took the chair right next to the one I usually sit in against the wall in the back. She did that for the exam as well but I didn't figure she'd be back. Of course I just had to talk to her and I heard her tell someone that she is from Atlanta again. I brought that up and told her about our cabin in Blue Ridge. That was pretty cool and at least we've started talking and sitting together now. That cheered me up a little bit.
On my walk home, I made it almost past the swimming pool when along comes Ashley. Oh yea, I ran into Jana and Laura in the elevator this morning when I went downstairs to check the mail. We said hello and talked for a second and she grabbed my arm again as she left on her floor. Anyway, Ashley smiled and we ran right into each other in an automatic embrace with her face implanted again in my chest. The people around us noticed, too, and I liked that. I asked her how she was doing and she started telling me how everybody at her sorority at lunch was asking her what was wrong and so forth. It was cute. She was in a grungy navy blue shirt, as was I, and she mentioned that she looks like crap. I said that we match, because I look like crap, too, and she laughed. My excuse was my dissection, though. She had class in the computer science center and since I didn't have lab for two hours I told her I walk with her to class and she thanked me and really sounded like she meant it. I am more than happy to be there for her and love the fact that I've found such a dear and close friend.
Now for Laura...
But anyway, I dissected a pig and had an awesome time doing so! I happened to be walking through a doorway as Karen, the gorgeous blonde, was coming and I waited to hold it for her. She smiled and said hello and we talked for a second. Once she made it to class we started talking about our classes for a few minutes. Eva never showed up which sucked, so I decided to work with Donald who was probably a much better choice. We picked the biggest, prettiest, piggy all of the bags. Our's was a tricolored black and pink one compared to the normal little plain pink ones. Ours was also much more developed which I figured would make the anatomy larger. I remembered many of the techniques and mistakes we made back in high school and thus had our pig tied up and ready for its operation quicker and better than anybody else. It sucked that all of the gloves were extra large, with short, stubby fingers that didn't fit or work worth a damn! They are definitely a bunch of stupid idiots.
Donald had also dissected a pig in high school, so we took a different approach to the dissection. That was the beauty of college lab, you can take it as far and detailed as you want, and I wanted to actually learn from this pig. Donald called it Beavis and Butthead lab and I laughed. I kept making really funny jokes that somebody else would come up with in the back of the room about five minutes later. We were laughing really hard that everybody kept stealing my jokes! After quickly exploring the systems as a whole, I decided to go further and isolate each organ and dissect it. I would do my best to remove it cleanly and in tact, and Donald would make the agreed upon cross section or whatever. He first did the heart and went on to all of the others. I removed the intestines and tried to unravel the small ones but hey proved disappointedly weak in structure.
The kidney was especially interesting because we had just learned about the medulla and cortex and were able to make a perfect cross section. We would have Natalia come and explain things to us every few minutes and I actually learned quite a bit and was very satisfied by the end of lab. I removed the stomach with small extensions of the connecting tubes intact. I opened it and washed it out for both an external and internal view. Donald then went for the excretory and female reproductive system as I attacked the head. I removed the tongue, an eyeball which I dissected and saw the internal aqueous humor which impressed me, and finally the brain! Chris had told me to do so and was probably the spark of my creativity. The brain was very soft and I exhibited that by plunging my thumb into it as we finished the dissection. By the end of lab we had cleanly and efficiently massacred the entire pig and I probably learned more and got more value out of the pigs life than anybody else in any of the labs.
Karen finished up at about the same time. She asked me once if I had gone to class on Wednesday and then asked if she could borrow my notes. That's why she didn't sit with me! I asked her then if she was going home and she hadn't yet made the connection. I asked her if she didn't live in Beaty and suddenly she remembered me from there! She was more than happy to walk home with me and we talked a lot. She is a sophomore microbiology and pre-med major that will have sixty credits at Christmas but won't yet be finished with general education. Exactly like me!!! Plus she extremely gorgeous with beautiful straight blonde hair, a dark tan, has a sister in Tampa, and lives in Beaty East! What more could one ask for. (Love...true love!) We talked about a lot of stuff including how we like living in Beaty. It was awesome to finally meet her enough to make her stick around. She'll be sitting with me in Psychology tomorrow as well if she wants my notes. Hurrah.
Tuesday, October 19, 1993
October 19, 1993 - Tuesday - Stupid worthless bitch!
Now it's time to try and pull some meaning out of all the shit Shar¡ and I told each other last night. First of all, she was still fucking wasted off of her ass and I don't know why the hell I talked to her for as long as I did. I guess I was trying to use her delirious state of mind to try and work some stuff out of her that she wouldn't normally say... but it didn't really work.
She told me a bunch of the crap that they did at Livestock and said that it did rain all day Saturday and I laughed and told her that was really funny. I told her how I thought about driving down and buying a ticket at the gate. What stopped me was the rain and the fact that Zephyrhills was farther away than I thought. She told me that she got a hold of a pair of blue blockers and has been wearing them around the house. When her dad told her to take them off she said no and said that he just wanted to see if she was still stoned or not. Cunt. She said that she got a bandanna from Livestock and would have bought a T-shirt but they cost twenty bucks. She did however get a free hat by buying a bottle of Jim Beam that she claims she drank half of. She also said that did hydroponic joints that are strong enough to knock you on your ass in one hit. She said that even after they were on the floor, they just kept smoking. Cute.
She told me that she started writing half of a letter to me last night which I very seriously doubt because she said that she had only been home for a little while and was dead tired. She said that it was about her weekend though and she already told it all to me. She did say that there are some "theories" (which took her a hell of a long time to say right) in that part but she will write the more important half and then mail it today. Bullshit. I'm not going to wait around for this one. I'm getting really tired of trying to get her to open up to me and am going to let her stagnate for a little while. She'll say something that will imply that she wants to call it quits for now, perhaps for good, but then will say something about us doing something way down the road... like Mardi Gras. She's really fucked up and I'm getting very sick of it. I gave her so many chances by the stuff I overlook and if she's going to through it all away... then fuck her.
She at least took my ring off before going to Livestock so she wouldn't lose it or have it stolen. That at least was smart. I really wonder if she'll put it back on now. I found out that she didn't even do anything for Cord's birthday on Friday and I rubbed that in a little because it did piss me off. She said that Buffy told her they'd do something this Wednesday. Stupid bitch! I hated to be the one to have to do it but somebody needed to try and make her feel like shit for doing so.
Towards the beginning, at least she asked how my big blue eyes are doing. I said that they are dull and when she asked why I said it's because they miss her. I tried to get her to just go ahead and tell me what she's going to say in the second half of the letter so I don't have to wait forever for the thing to get here. She told me that she's not going to tell me and that I'm just going to have to wait. Take the hint bitch. Maybe I need to take a hint.
About the only thing I told her about my weekend is the fact that I went downtown to this little festival thing in the rain. She asked if I went with Ashley. I said no, that it is Ashley's roommate who is the cute one anyway.
I ran into Ashley yesterday as I was coming back from my classes and she was coming out of the elevator. She was meeting a guy from her chemistry lab and I waited an elevator trip for her. She talked to me the entire time like one does when you try to show another person that you have plenty of friends. She came up to me and put her head on my chest and was complaining about something and I put my arm around her. I was thinking about how easy it is for the normal girl to lean her head on my chest and how I bet she wouldn't lean on me so much if I was her height! We talked in the elevator the entire way up. It was cute.
I met her this morning on her floor. Jessica caught up and we got into the elevator with Chris. I introduced everybody and Chris later told me that he rates Ashley as a solid six. Not bad on our scale. Even though I had just finished my exams in three of my classes, I went and studied last night. I actually read and understood this weeks chapter in biology before the lecture!!! I have never done that before... ever!!! I even answered all of the self-test questions at the end. It was an amazing omniscient feeling in class knowing what the professor was actually talking about before he explained it in detail. We talked quite a bit and joked around as usual. I was thinking in class about our friendship and so forth and how important physical touch is to me. I was leaning back in my chair with my head against the wall and right about that time, Ashley leans back, puts her arm entirely around me with her hand grabbing my side, and laid her head on my shoulder asking me what's wrong. We do that out in public, too, and I wondered what someone like Shar¡ would think if she saw that.
She told me a bunch of the crap that they did at Livestock and said that it did rain all day Saturday and I laughed and told her that was really funny. I told her how I thought about driving down and buying a ticket at the gate. What stopped me was the rain and the fact that Zephyrhills was farther away than I thought. She told me that she got a hold of a pair of blue blockers and has been wearing them around the house. When her dad told her to take them off she said no and said that he just wanted to see if she was still stoned or not. Cunt. She said that she got a bandanna from Livestock and would have bought a T-shirt but they cost twenty bucks. She did however get a free hat by buying a bottle of Jim Beam that she claims she drank half of. She also said that did hydroponic joints that are strong enough to knock you on your ass in one hit. She said that even after they were on the floor, they just kept smoking. Cute.
She told me that she started writing half of a letter to me last night which I very seriously doubt because she said that she had only been home for a little while and was dead tired. She said that it was about her weekend though and she already told it all to me. She did say that there are some "theories" (which took her a hell of a long time to say right) in that part but she will write the more important half and then mail it today. Bullshit. I'm not going to wait around for this one. I'm getting really tired of trying to get her to open up to me and am going to let her stagnate for a little while. She'll say something that will imply that she wants to call it quits for now, perhaps for good, but then will say something about us doing something way down the road... like Mardi Gras. She's really fucked up and I'm getting very sick of it. I gave her so many chances by the stuff I overlook and if she's going to through it all away... then fuck her.
She at least took my ring off before going to Livestock so she wouldn't lose it or have it stolen. That at least was smart. I really wonder if she'll put it back on now. I found out that she didn't even do anything for Cord's birthday on Friday and I rubbed that in a little because it did piss me off. She said that Buffy told her they'd do something this Wednesday. Stupid bitch! I hated to be the one to have to do it but somebody needed to try and make her feel like shit for doing so.
Towards the beginning, at least she asked how my big blue eyes are doing. I said that they are dull and when she asked why I said it's because they miss her. I tried to get her to just go ahead and tell me what she's going to say in the second half of the letter so I don't have to wait forever for the thing to get here. She told me that she's not going to tell me and that I'm just going to have to wait. Take the hint bitch. Maybe I need to take a hint.
About the only thing I told her about my weekend is the fact that I went downtown to this little festival thing in the rain. She asked if I went with Ashley. I said no, that it is Ashley's roommate who is the cute one anyway.
I ran into Ashley yesterday as I was coming back from my classes and she was coming out of the elevator. She was meeting a guy from her chemistry lab and I waited an elevator trip for her. She talked to me the entire time like one does when you try to show another person that you have plenty of friends. She came up to me and put her head on my chest and was complaining about something and I put my arm around her. I was thinking about how easy it is for the normal girl to lean her head on my chest and how I bet she wouldn't lean on me so much if I was her height! We talked in the elevator the entire way up. It was cute.
I met her this morning on her floor. Jessica caught up and we got into the elevator with Chris. I introduced everybody and Chris later told me that he rates Ashley as a solid six. Not bad on our scale. Even though I had just finished my exams in three of my classes, I went and studied last night. I actually read and understood this weeks chapter in biology before the lecture!!! I have never done that before... ever!!! I even answered all of the self-test questions at the end. It was an amazing omniscient feeling in class knowing what the professor was actually talking about before he explained it in detail. We talked quite a bit and joked around as usual. I was thinking in class about our friendship and so forth and how important physical touch is to me. I was leaning back in my chair with my head against the wall and right about that time, Ashley leans back, puts her arm entirely around me with her hand grabbing my side, and laid her head on my shoulder asking me what's wrong. We do that out in public, too, and I wondered what someone like Shar¡ would think if she saw that.
Sunday, October 17, 1993
October 17, 1993 - Sunday - Happy birthday Cord!!!
Happy birthday Cord!!! I wonder if your mom will even see you the day you turn two! And a happy one year anniversary of me losing my virginity!!!...
Shar¡ - I just want you to quit the bullshit and open back up to me a little bit. I really miss knowing what's truly on your pretty little mind because you haven't told me so in a long time. Please?! (00) <--- Those are the prettiest, bluest, puppy dog eyes you've ever seen!!! (smile). Seriously......
By the way, I bet I can prove you wrong!
Shar¡ - I just want you to quit the bullshit and open back up to me a little bit. I really miss knowing what's truly on your pretty little mind because you haven't told me so in a long time. Please?! (00) <--- Those are the prettiest, bluest, puppy dog eyes you've ever seen!!! (smile). Seriously......
By the way, I bet I can prove you wrong!
Saturday, October 16, 1993
October 16, 1993 - Saturday - It's raining, pouring!!!
How the weather works in wonderful ways! Chris was talking to Jon about something and compared it to how miserable you would be if you woke up to a dull, dreary, gray wet day. I thought almost instantly that I really like those kinds of days and the clear crisp sunny days make me miserable. I love humidity... it's the most wonderful thing in the world. It started raining yesterday as I left my psychology exam and it felt really good walking through the rain again. My only concern was my leather bookbag. It made me remember how Shar¡ and I were talking about how we'll both walk comfortably in the rain without running and screaming for cover. I realized that I like wet women!
Well, it's been in between a constant drizzle and a pour all day long today. The Sandfords were up for the day to see a little performance Ed was putting on for an event called the Taste of Homecoming. It's a Greek run event where the major restaurants in Gainesville show off their food and allow you to sample it for a certain number of fifty cent tickets. Of course it was raining. I had gone to the library just to do some recreational reading and then said that I might meet them up there. I looked through an entire stack of Parents magazines and learned some really interesting stuff that would really benefit Shar¡ to know. I was looking at some of the books on the shelves and only wished I had all of the time in the world to read them all.
I then headed downtown to the little festival. By walking, I got to see so many awesome little specialty shops, restaurants, and all of the dance clubs on the way. I saw so many things that you would never notice if you were in a car, or walking at night with Ashley. Gainesville even has an awesome park and courthouse in the middle of town that was very impressive. When I arrived, I found Ed and his family rather quickly. I was talking to Roswitha alone for a few minutes and I noticed that she had yellow green eyes as soon as I saw her. I asked if they were contacts and she said yes. I told her that I hoped I hadn't been that out of it all of those times we've talked together before not to notice a color like that and we laughed. A few minutes later, Ed noticed for the first time and Roswitha piped up and told him that I already realized it really quickly. It was funny and I could imagine Ed wondering why she and I were talking about eye color. Poor Ed.
I was offered a shotgun seat ride home with the Sandfords and gladly accepted. I would have just as readily walked again because I wanted to go into some of those stores, but there will be plenty of days to come. I talked with the Sandfords constantly as usual on the way home and asked about the weather, and if it was like this over the entire state. Mrs. Sandford said that it definitely is and could last all day tomorrow as well. My weekend suddenly became beautiful!!! I hope it poured all over Livestock 4 and ruined the weekend!!! That's awesome. I told Ed about the reasons behind my excitement and he understood. I gloated to Jon about it, too, and found it a deserving punishment for the bitch for ditching her son on his second birthday. But, if she was only going to sit in the RV's and smoke pot and get laid, then, as Ed also pointed out, the rain might give her the advantage.
Chris recently told me that Salem sits around in his apartment always now and just smokes pot. He's become a total introvert and still hasn't gotten laid. I used to see how burned out he was and keep thinking that Shar¡ is going to do the same thing especially since she doesn't have a job and sits around on her ass all of the time.
I found out that Ashley called me not long after I left this morning. That sucked because we were thinking about going to the mall together either yesterday of today but I figured she wouldn't and didn't want to sit around waiting for her all day. there will be plenty of more time for us to hang out later.
I've been thinking a lot about my next response to Shar¡. I told her about the letter I wrote to her on my computer on October 2nd before on the phone. I then mentioned that I decided not to send it yet in my letter the other day. On the phone Thursday night, she asked me how come I didn't send what I had written before. I explained that I got the letter, went to class, and mailed the letter before ever coming home. I did come home for a stamp but that would just have complicated things. She accepted the explanation but still wants the letter. I'll decided after her next letter, or after I talk to her Monday night, whether or not I'll send it. I'll tell her that it's kind of about that weekend I went home and is also kind of deep. I plan on asking her if I'm still allowed to do that, be deep, and see what she says. I will of course mail a new letter, although in a separate envelope, on the same day.
I want to tell her this: I've been thinking a lot about you lately and trying to remember exactly what the attractions were that caused me to fall for you. I wanted to know what happened that made me tell you something that I had never told anybody, or felt about anybody before. I suddenly realized what it was as I was walking to the festival Saturday in the rain. I started remembering how happy I was towards the end of the summer. I was always happy when we were with each other and enjoyed every minute that we spent together. It didn't matter if we were going out at night, or just sitting at your house watching the kids play. Once I remembered that, everything I have been wondering about and questioning lately kind of fell back in to place, maybe not for you but at least for me it did.
Right now I am content. There's no better way for me to say how I feel from day to day about you. I could wait for ever if only I could see even the smallest piece of your heart waiting at the end for me. I really enjoy feeling this way because it seems to give me so much more leisure time and time to study when I'm not looking to hook up with every girl I talk to. I used to put far more work into my relationships with the girls in my classes than into the classes themselves. It's so much easier to get things done when I feel down deep that you are there for me... waiting.
The only thing bad about saying this... which is why I don't know right now whether you'll ever actually read this or not... is that I would hate for you to ever lead me on if your feelings change just to be nice for pathetic little me who is indeed "attached." I dare say too attached.
Well, I bet you didn't remember that we've been together(?) now for three months... Take care.
Well, it's been in between a constant drizzle and a pour all day long today. The Sandfords were up for the day to see a little performance Ed was putting on for an event called the Taste of Homecoming. It's a Greek run event where the major restaurants in Gainesville show off their food and allow you to sample it for a certain number of fifty cent tickets. Of course it was raining. I had gone to the library just to do some recreational reading and then said that I might meet them up there. I looked through an entire stack of Parents magazines and learned some really interesting stuff that would really benefit Shar¡ to know. I was looking at some of the books on the shelves and only wished I had all of the time in the world to read them all.
I then headed downtown to the little festival. By walking, I got to see so many awesome little specialty shops, restaurants, and all of the dance clubs on the way. I saw so many things that you would never notice if you were in a car, or walking at night with Ashley. Gainesville even has an awesome park and courthouse in the middle of town that was very impressive. When I arrived, I found Ed and his family rather quickly. I was talking to Roswitha alone for a few minutes and I noticed that she had yellow green eyes as soon as I saw her. I asked if they were contacts and she said yes. I told her that I hoped I hadn't been that out of it all of those times we've talked together before not to notice a color like that and we laughed. A few minutes later, Ed noticed for the first time and Roswitha piped up and told him that I already realized it really quickly. It was funny and I could imagine Ed wondering why she and I were talking about eye color. Poor Ed.
I was offered a shotgun seat ride home with the Sandfords and gladly accepted. I would have just as readily walked again because I wanted to go into some of those stores, but there will be plenty of days to come. I talked with the Sandfords constantly as usual on the way home and asked about the weather, and if it was like this over the entire state. Mrs. Sandford said that it definitely is and could last all day tomorrow as well. My weekend suddenly became beautiful!!! I hope it poured all over Livestock 4 and ruined the weekend!!! That's awesome. I told Ed about the reasons behind my excitement and he understood. I gloated to Jon about it, too, and found it a deserving punishment for the bitch for ditching her son on his second birthday. But, if she was only going to sit in the RV's and smoke pot and get laid, then, as Ed also pointed out, the rain might give her the advantage.
Chris recently told me that Salem sits around in his apartment always now and just smokes pot. He's become a total introvert and still hasn't gotten laid. I used to see how burned out he was and keep thinking that Shar¡ is going to do the same thing especially since she doesn't have a job and sits around on her ass all of the time.
I found out that Ashley called me not long after I left this morning. That sucked because we were thinking about going to the mall together either yesterday of today but I figured she wouldn't and didn't want to sit around waiting for her all day. there will be plenty of more time for us to hang out later.
I've been thinking a lot about my next response to Shar¡. I told her about the letter I wrote to her on my computer on October 2nd before on the phone. I then mentioned that I decided not to send it yet in my letter the other day. On the phone Thursday night, she asked me how come I didn't send what I had written before. I explained that I got the letter, went to class, and mailed the letter before ever coming home. I did come home for a stamp but that would just have complicated things. She accepted the explanation but still wants the letter. I'll decided after her next letter, or after I talk to her Monday night, whether or not I'll send it. I'll tell her that it's kind of about that weekend I went home and is also kind of deep. I plan on asking her if I'm still allowed to do that, be deep, and see what she says. I will of course mail a new letter, although in a separate envelope, on the same day.
I want to tell her this: I've been thinking a lot about you lately and trying to remember exactly what the attractions were that caused me to fall for you. I wanted to know what happened that made me tell you something that I had never told anybody, or felt about anybody before. I suddenly realized what it was as I was walking to the festival Saturday in the rain. I started remembering how happy I was towards the end of the summer. I was always happy when we were with each other and enjoyed every minute that we spent together. It didn't matter if we were going out at night, or just sitting at your house watching the kids play. Once I remembered that, everything I have been wondering about and questioning lately kind of fell back in to place, maybe not for you but at least for me it did.
Right now I am content. There's no better way for me to say how I feel from day to day about you. I could wait for ever if only I could see even the smallest piece of your heart waiting at the end for me. I really enjoy feeling this way because it seems to give me so much more leisure time and time to study when I'm not looking to hook up with every girl I talk to. I used to put far more work into my relationships with the girls in my classes than into the classes themselves. It's so much easier to get things done when I feel down deep that you are there for me... waiting.
The only thing bad about saying this... which is why I don't know right now whether you'll ever actually read this or not... is that I would hate for you to ever lead me on if your feelings change just to be nice for pathetic little me who is indeed "attached." I dare say too attached.
Well, I bet you didn't remember that we've been together(?) now for three months... Take care.
Friday, October 15, 1993
October 15, 1993 - Friday - Hanging w/ Ashley, Karen
Well, I just graduated a beauty named Karen Tapp as the newest member of my personal fan club. She's that gorgeous straight haired blonde who lives on the eleventh floor in my tower. It was just over a week ago when I first decided to say hi to her in public outside of class. We both had a biology and a psychology exam today and I struck up a conversation first thing in biology lab last night about them. Natalia then showed us our total points in the class so far and it took three girls to add up the points to find out how many our score was out of, and they were all wrong!!! I finally went up there and did it quickly in my head after even Natalia screwed up on paper. Bunch of stupids. There is this one girl who is sorority looking who asks questions about everything, except her question are really basic and stupid, and really frequent. She has to be the most naive person I've ever seen and must have lived a very sheltered life so far!
But back to Karen. Donald ended up sitting next to me and we talked about our test in Greco Roman culture and inquired to which essays each other wrote about. Eva ended up sitting at the far end of the table and we only said hi. I thus turned around and paid full attention to Karen until Natalia started talking. We all rushed trough lab, and I spent most of my time studying a human skeleton with Karen and Eva which was a fun waste of time. I accidentally let Karen slip away without asking to walk home with her which was a mistake, but oh well. I sat along the isle in Psychology today mainly so I could get out easier when I was finished, but also because she usually sits there. After a while, she came up, we smiled and said hi, and she sat right next to me. We talked all about our biology exam this morning and then got a little personal.
She's going to Tampa this weekend to see her sister who lives there. I thus ended up telling her all about my job at Busch Gardens and she liked that and told me that her sister has some friends who work there. She'll be staying up here over the summer, and she works at Kash n Karry. We were both talking about how really exhausted we are which was a good topic since we don't know each other yet. I hope this is the beginning of a nice little friendship across my classes. She'd be a damn good asset. I also swear I caught Griggs looking at me sitting with her. Maybe he was impressed.
I had Ashley call me this morning before her first period class so that I could get out of the room and read my notes before the exam. It was only seven in the morning and still dark outside! Ashley called and said that Laura already went to call the elevator so I went down and knew that I'd surprise her walking around the corner. It was funny because of the cute little expression I got from her. Ashley and I went to study last night at around 9:30. Actually, she just dropped by the room after leaving her sorority house and I was in my pajamas. We talked for a few and she told me just to come down when I was ready. I finished up the important stuff about my call to Shar¡ in yesterday's journal before I headed down. I had told Shar¡ that after she said to call back at nine, I decided to stick around the room a while instead of leaving. She thought it was nice that I stayed until I told her that however, I missed going to study with Chris and would be going with Ashley instead. She made her cute little pouting noise and said that she'd rather I'd gone and study with Chris. I laughed to myself and then told her about how Ashley and I studied Wednesday night from eight until two in the morning, and also walked to Taco Bell for dinner. I thought to myself that two can play at this game. Chris and Jon both praised me for doing so. I did however tell Shar¡ that Ashley is an almost married devote Catholic and told her she has nothing to worry about. She asked me what I was doing hanging out with her then?!, and I told her that I don't know, I just always seem to go for the extremes. I wasn't quite sure if I should have said that but it's too late now.
I went downstairs to be greeted by Jessica and Laura. It appears that Jessica belched for the first time even though the other's are always doing so, She was really embarrassed and it was really funny. I relaxed on the fouton next to Laura after her invitation and we talked for a while about "us" and Ashley joined in on the conversation, telling Laura some of the stuff I've said. It was really funny and I actually told Laura that I do still love her since she is usually the one that tells me. It was pretty interesting. It's always interesting... I was visiting Amy and Leigh Anne a little while ago and told them about my newest "girlfriend." Leigh Anne first asked me if I was going home and I told her I have nothing to go home to anymore, but ended up retracting that statement kind of.
I told Ashley later as we studied that I tried to use her name to make Shar¡ jealous and then told her the story. it was funny. We ended up walking to Burger King to get food first this time and ate there so I could get free refills. I ordered two double cheeseburgers, and she got one and some fries. I ordered a drink and the cashier handed me my cup, but the server also put one on my plate. I hid the one in my hand and then handed it to Ashley who appreciated it. Ashley told me that I'm a really bad influence on her because first she ate at Taco bell, and now this. It was fun though and I told her that she needs the real food for her brain to use on the tests. We talked a lot about Shar¡ and Daniel like we always do. We then went to Turlington only to find out all of the doors were locked. I suggested the elevator, and surprise!, it opened up. When it got to the second floor it almost didn't open and we started laughing as I said that we don't try that anymore. I then joked that we would have ended up studying in the elevator until somebody freed us in the morning and we laughed.
We read a newspaper and talked for a while in the room as a prep for our studying. She told me that she has already kissed a couple of guys this year. She said that she was drunk once recently at a sorority party and ended up kissing a guy and pictures were taken. She says that she was really embarrassed especially when a friend of her and Daniel's from Valrico saw it. I had a crazy notion that I want to kiss her just because of the awesome friend that she is and thought that I'd picture Shar¡ if I ever did so. We have become extremely emotional with each other, but can still joke around and have lots of fun. That's something I truly miss with Shar¡ and it's solely because I'm not there all of the time, and I think about that all of the time. It's almost like life is trying to teach me that long distance sex isn't mentally healthy, because of Abby and Shar¡.
Ashley and I also joke around about sex a lot!!! She has a habit of putting markers in her mouth and I'll always refer to her giving a blow job. I told her last night that she's getting better at it and she started laughing and almost blushed. She bit the end of it as she took it out of her mouth and I commented that she screwed up on that part, you're not supposed to use your teeth. It's really funny. She and I were talking about the Meatloaf song "I would do anything for love (but I won't do that!)" and I told her why I like it so much. I told her about how it came on when Shar¡ and I were having sex so it also has a strong sentimental value. That's when I told Ashley my entire meeting Shar¡ and dissing Laura story from the summer. I admitted that it was almost only for sex at the beginning because I I knew I'd be leaving really soon and didn't think that was enough time to do what we did. Ashley told me that she thought she heard some of that story before from Laura, which is funny.
On the way home last night, we were both delirious from lack of sleep and couldn't of been having more fun drunk. We were joking around and laughing almost hysterically. There's these hedges along the walkway and when we;re depressed in the mornings we'll always joke that we're going to walk through them, not really caring that something's in the way. Well, she decided to do so for real tonight but didn't make it very far before the plant "spit" her back out as I put it. it was hilarious and I made millions of beautiful comments about that on the way home. When we got to her room, she let me borrow some really good CDs to copy including The Rose!!! She has two really good love song tapes that she said I can use as well. She's so wonderful! We then listened to some good country music while she showed me her scrapbook of her and Daniel.
Back to this morning, Ashley and I were still joking around and laughing a lot and it was all inside leaving Laura essentially out in the cold. Poor her. As we parted with Laura, Ashley and I were still laughing and it was cool to let Laura see how much I get along with her roommate before I go back to hitting on her. I sat outside on a brick wall and studied while Ashley took her first period chemistry quiz. We then walked to biology. I saw quite a few people I know and was talking to all of them and was glad to in front of Ashley. She walked up to a group of girls and started talking to this one. Fran‡oise was there, too, so I started talking to her for quite a until we got to the door.
Ashley and I walked to the stadium after class so she could redeem her Gator Growl coupons. I then left her at the gym to work out as I went to the library to study for my Psychology exam and things proceeded with Karen form there.
But back to Karen. Donald ended up sitting next to me and we talked about our test in Greco Roman culture and inquired to which essays each other wrote about. Eva ended up sitting at the far end of the table and we only said hi. I thus turned around and paid full attention to Karen until Natalia started talking. We all rushed trough lab, and I spent most of my time studying a human skeleton with Karen and Eva which was a fun waste of time. I accidentally let Karen slip away without asking to walk home with her which was a mistake, but oh well. I sat along the isle in Psychology today mainly so I could get out easier when I was finished, but also because she usually sits there. After a while, she came up, we smiled and said hi, and she sat right next to me. We talked all about our biology exam this morning and then got a little personal.
She's going to Tampa this weekend to see her sister who lives there. I thus ended up telling her all about my job at Busch Gardens and she liked that and told me that her sister has some friends who work there. She'll be staying up here over the summer, and she works at Kash n Karry. We were both talking about how really exhausted we are which was a good topic since we don't know each other yet. I hope this is the beginning of a nice little friendship across my classes. She'd be a damn good asset. I also swear I caught Griggs looking at me sitting with her. Maybe he was impressed.
I had Ashley call me this morning before her first period class so that I could get out of the room and read my notes before the exam. It was only seven in the morning and still dark outside! Ashley called and said that Laura already went to call the elevator so I went down and knew that I'd surprise her walking around the corner. It was funny because of the cute little expression I got from her. Ashley and I went to study last night at around 9:30. Actually, she just dropped by the room after leaving her sorority house and I was in my pajamas. We talked for a few and she told me just to come down when I was ready. I finished up the important stuff about my call to Shar¡ in yesterday's journal before I headed down. I had told Shar¡ that after she said to call back at nine, I decided to stick around the room a while instead of leaving. She thought it was nice that I stayed until I told her that however, I missed going to study with Chris and would be going with Ashley instead. She made her cute little pouting noise and said that she'd rather I'd gone and study with Chris. I laughed to myself and then told her about how Ashley and I studied Wednesday night from eight until two in the morning, and also walked to Taco Bell for dinner. I thought to myself that two can play at this game. Chris and Jon both praised me for doing so. I did however tell Shar¡ that Ashley is an almost married devote Catholic and told her she has nothing to worry about. She asked me what I was doing hanging out with her then?!, and I told her that I don't know, I just always seem to go for the extremes. I wasn't quite sure if I should have said that but it's too late now.
I went downstairs to be greeted by Jessica and Laura. It appears that Jessica belched for the first time even though the other's are always doing so, She was really embarrassed and it was really funny. I relaxed on the fouton next to Laura after her invitation and we talked for a while about "us" and Ashley joined in on the conversation, telling Laura some of the stuff I've said. It was really funny and I actually told Laura that I do still love her since she is usually the one that tells me. It was pretty interesting. It's always interesting... I was visiting Amy and Leigh Anne a little while ago and told them about my newest "girlfriend." Leigh Anne first asked me if I was going home and I told her I have nothing to go home to anymore, but ended up retracting that statement kind of.
I told Ashley later as we studied that I tried to use her name to make Shar¡ jealous and then told her the story. it was funny. We ended up walking to Burger King to get food first this time and ate there so I could get free refills. I ordered two double cheeseburgers, and she got one and some fries. I ordered a drink and the cashier handed me my cup, but the server also put one on my plate. I hid the one in my hand and then handed it to Ashley who appreciated it. Ashley told me that I'm a really bad influence on her because first she ate at Taco bell, and now this. It was fun though and I told her that she needs the real food for her brain to use on the tests. We talked a lot about Shar¡ and Daniel like we always do. We then went to Turlington only to find out all of the doors were locked. I suggested the elevator, and surprise!, it opened up. When it got to the second floor it almost didn't open and we started laughing as I said that we don't try that anymore. I then joked that we would have ended up studying in the elevator until somebody freed us in the morning and we laughed.
We read a newspaper and talked for a while in the room as a prep for our studying. She told me that she has already kissed a couple of guys this year. She said that she was drunk once recently at a sorority party and ended up kissing a guy and pictures were taken. She says that she was really embarrassed especially when a friend of her and Daniel's from Valrico saw it. I had a crazy notion that I want to kiss her just because of the awesome friend that she is and thought that I'd picture Shar¡ if I ever did so. We have become extremely emotional with each other, but can still joke around and have lots of fun. That's something I truly miss with Shar¡ and it's solely because I'm not there all of the time, and I think about that all of the time. It's almost like life is trying to teach me that long distance sex isn't mentally healthy, because of Abby and Shar¡.
Ashley and I also joke around about sex a lot!!! She has a habit of putting markers in her mouth and I'll always refer to her giving a blow job. I told her last night that she's getting better at it and she started laughing and almost blushed. She bit the end of it as she took it out of her mouth and I commented that she screwed up on that part, you're not supposed to use your teeth. It's really funny. She and I were talking about the Meatloaf song "I would do anything for love (but I won't do that!)" and I told her why I like it so much. I told her about how it came on when Shar¡ and I were having sex so it also has a strong sentimental value. That's when I told Ashley my entire meeting Shar¡ and dissing Laura story from the summer. I admitted that it was almost only for sex at the beginning because I I knew I'd be leaving really soon and didn't think that was enough time to do what we did. Ashley told me that she thought she heard some of that story before from Laura, which is funny.
On the way home last night, we were both delirious from lack of sleep and couldn't of been having more fun drunk. We were joking around and laughing almost hysterically. There's these hedges along the walkway and when we;re depressed in the mornings we'll always joke that we're going to walk through them, not really caring that something's in the way. Well, she decided to do so for real tonight but didn't make it very far before the plant "spit" her back out as I put it. it was hilarious and I made millions of beautiful comments about that on the way home. When we got to her room, she let me borrow some really good CDs to copy including The Rose!!! She has two really good love song tapes that she said I can use as well. She's so wonderful! We then listened to some good country music while she showed me her scrapbook of her and Daniel.
Back to this morning, Ashley and I were still joking around and laughing a lot and it was all inside leaving Laura essentially out in the cold. Poor her. As we parted with Laura, Ashley and I were still laughing and it was cool to let Laura see how much I get along with her roommate before I go back to hitting on her. I sat outside on a brick wall and studied while Ashley took her first period chemistry quiz. We then walked to biology. I saw quite a few people I know and was talking to all of them and was glad to in front of Ashley. She walked up to a group of girls and started talking to this one. Fran‡oise was there, too, so I started talking to her for quite a until we got to the door.
Ashley and I walked to the stadium after class so she could redeem her Gator Growl coupons. I then left her at the gym to work out as I went to the library to study for my Psychology exam and things proceeded with Karen form there.
Thursday, October 14, 1993
October 14, 1993 - Thursday - At least she's thinking
I just talked to Shar¡ and I really think I've won her back over rather well. I almost opened up this journal with, "I just talked to my lover...," but I didn't quite feel comfortable doing so. I wanted to call her for a few minutes just to stick myself in her mind before she ran off to Livestock. I called around seven and her dad said that she went over to the neighbors but to call back in ten minutes and he'd make sure she was there. He even recognized my voice, finally!!! When I called back twenty minutes later, Buffy told me that Shar¡ ended up going with them to Wal Mart to get diapers for Cord but wanted me to call back around nine. I did, and she answered.
Shar¡ told me that she got my letter and Cord's present and really liked the book. That came in a separate sentence like she really meant it, too.
She said that she's going to shoot pool with Christina since she isn't going out with her tomorrow night. She said that she wearing my my Bud shirt and I asked her if she still wears that thing, and she said yes, and that she always thinks of me when she wears it. Shar¡ then quickly said that she thinks about me a lot more than that and then explained that she just felt like that needed to be said! I told her that I had been wondering a lot lately about what she's still feeling in my last letter. She asked me what I meant by doubting her for sending a letter, and I knew that would come. I had already made an excuse that some of the stuff is partly sarcastic and it sucks because it reads worse that I wrote it, but it was already in the mail by the time I realized it. She was trying to zip up her shorts and was having a little trouble and told me that she's getting a big tummy!!! I asked her if she's getting fat, and she said no!
She also told me that they talked to that guy up at Mulligans who was "flirting" with her and she said he was asking about me and wanted to know how often I come down so he can make sure he doesn't show up when I'm down. I found that rather funny and told her that I wasn't planning on doing anything anyway and didn't realize that he saw me. But intimidation is always good. Her little lovers in the band she hangs out with now are also going to let her sing a song on stage at one of their gigs which she thinks is cool.
I asked her if she's heard of a group called Smashing Pumpkins. They're rock/alternative and are really good. She said of course and I told her about a concert at Florida Theater that they're having and I think I'm going to go. She told me that there are a lot of people down there in tampa that would love to go to that... and she's one of them.
Shar¡ told me that she got my letter and Cord's present and really liked the book. That came in a separate sentence like she really meant it, too.
She said that she's going to shoot pool with Christina since she isn't going out with her tomorrow night. She said that she wearing my my Bud shirt and I asked her if she still wears that thing, and she said yes, and that she always thinks of me when she wears it. Shar¡ then quickly said that she thinks about me a lot more than that and then explained that she just felt like that needed to be said! I told her that I had been wondering a lot lately about what she's still feeling in my last letter. She asked me what I meant by doubting her for sending a letter, and I knew that would come. I had already made an excuse that some of the stuff is partly sarcastic and it sucks because it reads worse that I wrote it, but it was already in the mail by the time I realized it. She was trying to zip up her shorts and was having a little trouble and told me that she's getting a big tummy!!! I asked her if she's getting fat, and she said no!
She also told me that they talked to that guy up at Mulligans who was "flirting" with her and she said he was asking about me and wanted to know how often I come down so he can make sure he doesn't show up when I'm down. I found that rather funny and told her that I wasn't planning on doing anything anyway and didn't realize that he saw me. But intimidation is always good. Her little lovers in the band she hangs out with now are also going to let her sing a song on stage at one of their gigs which she thinks is cool.
I asked her if she's heard of a group called Smashing Pumpkins. They're rock/alternative and are really good. She said of course and I told her about a concert at Florida Theater that they're having and I think I'm going to go. She told me that there are a lot of people down there in tampa that would love to go to that... and she's one of them.
Tuesday, October 12, 1993
October 12, 1993 - Tuesday - Refocus on Laura, Letter
Today has been my most busy day in quite a while. As I finished everything up around nine, I walked back to Beaty and was waiting for the elevator with two other people. The door opened, and there was Laura!, my long lost friend!!! We called out each other's names in surprise. She said that a friend of hers is picking her up to go watch a football game and I should come wait with her. Like I had a choice. She looked really pretty and smelled awesome, too. I was definitely impressed. She complained right off the bat that I called last night and didn't even talk to her. I explained that at least I told Ashley to say hi, and then admitted that I was thinking about her today and how I really needed to call and talk to her. She really liked that. We caught up on things pretty quickly and hugged for some reason on the walk towards the bench near the parking lot.
All I have to do is accuse her of not loving me any more and I can get an instant hug and the prettiest brown puppy dog eyes. She told me that Ronnie called and said that he wanted to come up one day next week just to see her. She effectively brushed him off but did say that she got all the latest Busch Gardens gossip, like the Kumba is now it's own unit. I joked that we should drop out of college and go back now and she got excited and was all for it. I said that we could start every morning at 7:30 and then pool in grounds on our days off. It would be just like the good old days. It was really funny. We talked about Ashley some, such as her extreme love for Daniel, and her daily salads that she eats at the sorority house.
She then asked me how my girlfriend is and I told her that I don't care. Chris and I had been talking about Laura a few nights ago and how I should definitely reopen that channel. I tried my best tonight. I then told her that I think that was the biggest mistake of the summer, when I decided on Shar¡ over her, because it was all in one day. She suddenly remembered it all and agreed that it was the day that I broke her heart! I suggested that we should have just ditched all of those people that went to Despaparados that night and gone to a movie like we had said earlier. She remembered and strongly agreed that we should have, because then Shar¡ would never have happened. Of course this was all said with a tint of humor in each of our voices. I really want to explain to her that because we always joke around so much, I never know or knew back at Busch Gardens when she is being serious. It would be perfect!
I also came up with a rather funny argument. I told her that my roommate (Chris) always told me to make a girl like you more, you have to make her jealous. Laura said that it's true. I then told her that's why I picked Shar¡ that night, to make her like me even more. She kind of laughed and said very sarcastically that she likes me so much more because of that. She told me how I ripped her heart out of her chest, threw it to the ground, and trampled all over it that night when she came to the party and saw Shar¡ and I sitting on the stairway together. I admitted that I didn't want to take Shar¡ there because of her, but I think that needs a little more developing for Laura to fully understand that I am serious.
Laura told me that she started seeing this guy named Carl for a couple of weeks but then quickly added that he only wanted a social relationship and they are dating other people. I thought that was cute and want to talk to her again really soon!!!
I went to the infirmary today and had a tuberculosis skin test. What used to be a little four prong pricker is now a needle! which surprised me. It only took a few minutes before I left and headed to the Hub to buy a blue examination booklet for my test in my Greco Roman civilization class. I grabbed a complimentary cup of Gatorade before I left. As I walked in, up came Ashley, my other wonderful friend! We had skipped biology this morning because she had an important exam in anthropology and needed to study. We were glad to see each other and talked for quite a while. I then walked home with her and we parted in the elevator. We both admitted that we are going nuts for our brains seem to be running way too actively lately. It was funny and we were being rather ridiculous to each other.
Oh yeah, I got a letter from my lover today... bitch. I wrote her back a somewhat demanding five page letter and sent it out already along with Cord's present. I didn't make a copy of it though, for I had already sealed the envelope and that really sucked. Maybe that will bring me better luck.
All I have to do is accuse her of not loving me any more and I can get an instant hug and the prettiest brown puppy dog eyes. She told me that Ronnie called and said that he wanted to come up one day next week just to see her. She effectively brushed him off but did say that she got all the latest Busch Gardens gossip, like the Kumba is now it's own unit. I joked that we should drop out of college and go back now and she got excited and was all for it. I said that we could start every morning at 7:30 and then pool in grounds on our days off. It would be just like the good old days. It was really funny. We talked about Ashley some, such as her extreme love for Daniel, and her daily salads that she eats at the sorority house.
She then asked me how my girlfriend is and I told her that I don't care. Chris and I had been talking about Laura a few nights ago and how I should definitely reopen that channel. I tried my best tonight. I then told her that I think that was the biggest mistake of the summer, when I decided on Shar¡ over her, because it was all in one day. She suddenly remembered it all and agreed that it was the day that I broke her heart! I suggested that we should have just ditched all of those people that went to Despaparados that night and gone to a movie like we had said earlier. She remembered and strongly agreed that we should have, because then Shar¡ would never have happened. Of course this was all said with a tint of humor in each of our voices. I really want to explain to her that because we always joke around so much, I never know or knew back at Busch Gardens when she is being serious. It would be perfect!
I also came up with a rather funny argument. I told her that my roommate (Chris) always told me to make a girl like you more, you have to make her jealous. Laura said that it's true. I then told her that's why I picked Shar¡ that night, to make her like me even more. She kind of laughed and said very sarcastically that she likes me so much more because of that. She told me how I ripped her heart out of her chest, threw it to the ground, and trampled all over it that night when she came to the party and saw Shar¡ and I sitting on the stairway together. I admitted that I didn't want to take Shar¡ there because of her, but I think that needs a little more developing for Laura to fully understand that I am serious.
Laura told me that she started seeing this guy named Carl for a couple of weeks but then quickly added that he only wanted a social relationship and they are dating other people. I thought that was cute and want to talk to her again really soon!!!
I went to the infirmary today and had a tuberculosis skin test. What used to be a little four prong pricker is now a needle! which surprised me. It only took a few minutes before I left and headed to the Hub to buy a blue examination booklet for my test in my Greco Roman civilization class. I grabbed a complimentary cup of Gatorade before I left. As I walked in, up came Ashley, my other wonderful friend! We had skipped biology this morning because she had an important exam in anthropology and needed to study. We were glad to see each other and talked for quite a while. I then walked home with her and we parted in the elevator. We both admitted that we are going nuts for our brains seem to be running way too actively lately. It was funny and we were being rather ridiculous to each other.
Oh yeah, I got a letter from my lover today... bitch. I wrote her back a somewhat demanding five page letter and sent it out already along with Cord's present. I didn't make a copy of it though, for I had already sealed the envelope and that really sucked. Maybe that will bring me better luck.
Monday, October 11, 1993
October 11, 1993 - Monday - We're still going out!..
Well, I didn't get my letter from Shar¡ today and it pissed me off more than anything. I wondered if she lied about it and if so, then why she did because it would only delay me finding out for a few days before I bitched her out. I was completely ready to call it quits if that's what she is trying to do. I tried to tell myself not to call her until I get a letter, but my willpower isn't that strong. I knew doing so would tear me apart and I don't need that with three exams coming up this week.
I went to today's classes and actually went to my sixth period psychology class, although it was an eternity, rather than rushing home to check the mail. We did get our essays back in my composition class and this had been a pretty major one. I got an A, and a million comments. A lot of times he really liked my points and referred to a couple as excellent or well stated. He left me a note at the bottom of the paper that read, "Most of this paper is very good - clearly written with some excellent insights. there ar points where it could be improved and developed, but what you have done shows talent and intelligence." Damn!!! I was very impressed and in love with what he had told me!!! This for the first draft of a paper, which is always my best. As I read it for the first time as a whole, it did seem to flow marvelously and did touch upon all of the major points he talked about since the papers were turned in. Damn I'm good! My mother reminded me of what a good writer I am by bragging to Ed yesterday and now this from a graduate professor in the English department. I immediately started on an interesting perspective on death in my notebook, which I will complete later.
So I called Shar¡ at five just after the rates changed to the cheaper evening ones. She sounded glad to hear from me. I told her what I had done today and about Coming Out Week, this big fag festival. They put out papers today that said anybody wearing jeans or jean shorts supports the cause. They came in the mail after everybody would already have gotten dressed. It was smart and funny but it sucked. Instead of listening, I talked quite a bit during this phone call. She did ask if I have gotten her letter and I said no, and emphasized a belief that she probably never even sent one but she swore she did. We were talking about before, and she said that she misses getting a letter every three days, because she actually started to feel special. I reassured her that she is special and reminded her that it was her who broke the chains. She really sounds like she feels bad and I told her, jokingly, that I've been sitting and waiting for the mail every day and my life has been totally pointless lately. She said that she really felt bad but I told her not to. It was funny and wasn't as pathetic as I've made it sound.
She told me once that she might be going to Livestock this weekend, and I again expressed my disgust that she won't be with Cord on his actual second birthday. I know it's not that important, and so does she because he is only two. She then told me that she might not be going if she cant find a sitter for him and I said that is good. I was going to offer to go in her place but I never did. I did tell her that Cord might not know the difference now, but when he's old enough, say fifteen, I'll tell him how his mother didn't even stick around for his second birthday! That was funny. I told her that I wouldn't do that to her. I did make it so that it sounded two ways: I could either have been married to her, or just a friend coming up to Cord just by the way I said it. I was careful. She told me that she'll tell him that Daddy Dan wasn't there either (that was awesome because she called me Daddy Dan!!!!!) and agreed that neither was Mommy Shar¡. That was kind of funny and very insinuating. I retorted that I would have come if only she would have stayed...
We were talking about something else and she called me Dear!!! that's the first time I've heard that in over two weeks!!! I called her Dear beach, sarcastically. And we started saying it back and forth to each other and it was rather funny. She finally busted out calling me Honey very sweetly! that at least means we're still going out as of right now! and that's very good news to me because I really wasn't sure... she mentioned again about going to Daytona sometime in the Spring, and I told her to send me a postcard and I'll send one from Mardi Gras! She said that she just might have to make a trip up to go with me and I found that rather funny. I told her about our little talk that you never take a girl that you like to Mardi Gras. I also mentioned about the car full of girls also going, because I know the one and met her over the summer at Busch. Shar¡ asked me something about if I did anything with this girl like I did with her, since I "met" her over the summer as well. I pretended I was confused and I was, why was she asking me this? We kept talking about it and she explained that we got close, and asked if I did with this other girl. She might have thought I was referring to her again as a double person like I did in my letters, because it sounded that way. I told her no, that I've only talked to her twice since I've been up here and she also has stolen my blender.
She then told me that she enjoys confusing me and laughed. I told her that I enjoy pretending to be confused and laughed back! but then told her I was indeed. I then offered to drop it, and she asked what I wanted to drop? The conversation? The topic? Her? I said the topic rather quickly and asked her why I had any reason to drop her. She said that I don't and we made a couple more meaningless statements to that effect. It could have very well just been because I've been acting so oblivious lately which might have caused her to wonder. She later told me that she has something on her mind, and then said that she actually has two things on her mind. I asked her what they are but she still won't tell me the second one. She said that she really wishes I was down there with her. I asked her if that is really what she is thinking, and she said yes.
I asked her about the other thing and calmly pressured her for anything I could get out of her about it. She told me that it's still only half on her mind right now because she's really not trying to think about it yet. She then said, and it took her a while to spit it out that she want's to wait until she figures out exactly how she wants to tell me and said one other statement about waiting for her body to figure it out??? or something really weird like that. I don't remember whether she said it is good or bad this time, but she was leaning towards good I believe. She said that it deals with her, and after a pause, said that it deals with me, too, of course. I told her that I hate to be left hanging like this because now I'll be wondering. I narrowed down a time when she'll be ready to tell me and she finally said that it won't be within a week, but won't be more than a month. I really don't know.
It sounds as if it could be another guy that she's considering and is planning on telling me how much She loves me, but I'm just too different from her in too many ways and so on. I can hear her saying it, too, and probably would be rather relieved that his whole mess is over. I would definitely take it very graciously but would hate the fact that I have to pay such a big phone bill for something entirely nonexistent. I would also tell her that it is a relief because we thought she was pregnant! That would be rather interesting. Chris said that she's probably going to tell me that she wants to marry me, which I took as asking for a commitment and seriously doubt! The whole thing is pretty weird and I don't know what to think. If she is pregnant, she might not want to tell me now in case it is a false alarm and she also might not want to tell me right now if she thinks I'm having second thoughts because she's afraid I'll leave her for good. Damn I want to know!!! My sarcastic little mind keeps telling me shit like she's probably only waiting to ask me what size I wear to get me something for my birthday... or whatever. It's really freaking me out!!!!! I hate to even think about the other guy situation because she just really sounds like she's getting back into us again...
I also told her that I bought Cord an easy to mail birthday present but wouldn't tell her what it was.
I called Jenn tonight for the first time in a long time and we talked for quite a while. She had left me a message last week and I never called her back but I told her that I never got it. She was telling me that she and Chris have decided to date other people and I complained that I wasn't the first person she came running to. She said that we did do a few things together last year and will have to get together soon. She did joke that she checked her mail every day for a week before and a week after her birthday waiting for a card from me because she remembered that I said I'd send one. I told her at the beginning of the year that I lost my address book, though, so I am still in the clear. She knows I got her the yellow gloves for stress but we want to rent the movie and see it again.
I went to today's classes and actually went to my sixth period psychology class, although it was an eternity, rather than rushing home to check the mail. We did get our essays back in my composition class and this had been a pretty major one. I got an A, and a million comments. A lot of times he really liked my points and referred to a couple as excellent or well stated. He left me a note at the bottom of the paper that read, "Most of this paper is very good - clearly written with some excellent insights. there ar points where it could be improved and developed, but what you have done shows talent and intelligence." Damn!!! I was very impressed and in love with what he had told me!!! This for the first draft of a paper, which is always my best. As I read it for the first time as a whole, it did seem to flow marvelously and did touch upon all of the major points he talked about since the papers were turned in. Damn I'm good! My mother reminded me of what a good writer I am by bragging to Ed yesterday and now this from a graduate professor in the English department. I immediately started on an interesting perspective on death in my notebook, which I will complete later.
So I called Shar¡ at five just after the rates changed to the cheaper evening ones. She sounded glad to hear from me. I told her what I had done today and about Coming Out Week, this big fag festival. They put out papers today that said anybody wearing jeans or jean shorts supports the cause. They came in the mail after everybody would already have gotten dressed. It was smart and funny but it sucked. Instead of listening, I talked quite a bit during this phone call. She did ask if I have gotten her letter and I said no, and emphasized a belief that she probably never even sent one but she swore she did. We were talking about before, and she said that she misses getting a letter every three days, because she actually started to feel special. I reassured her that she is special and reminded her that it was her who broke the chains. She really sounds like she feels bad and I told her, jokingly, that I've been sitting and waiting for the mail every day and my life has been totally pointless lately. She said that she really felt bad but I told her not to. It was funny and wasn't as pathetic as I've made it sound.
She told me once that she might be going to Livestock this weekend, and I again expressed my disgust that she won't be with Cord on his actual second birthday. I know it's not that important, and so does she because he is only two. She then told me that she might not be going if she cant find a sitter for him and I said that is good. I was going to offer to go in her place but I never did. I did tell her that Cord might not know the difference now, but when he's old enough, say fifteen, I'll tell him how his mother didn't even stick around for his second birthday! That was funny. I told her that I wouldn't do that to her. I did make it so that it sounded two ways: I could either have been married to her, or just a friend coming up to Cord just by the way I said it. I was careful. She told me that she'll tell him that Daddy Dan wasn't there either (that was awesome because she called me Daddy Dan!!!!!) and agreed that neither was Mommy Shar¡. That was kind of funny and very insinuating. I retorted that I would have come if only she would have stayed...
We were talking about something else and she called me Dear!!! that's the first time I've heard that in over two weeks!!! I called her Dear beach, sarcastically. And we started saying it back and forth to each other and it was rather funny. She finally busted out calling me Honey very sweetly! that at least means we're still going out as of right now! and that's very good news to me because I really wasn't sure... she mentioned again about going to Daytona sometime in the Spring, and I told her to send me a postcard and I'll send one from Mardi Gras! She said that she just might have to make a trip up to go with me and I found that rather funny. I told her about our little talk that you never take a girl that you like to Mardi Gras. I also mentioned about the car full of girls also going, because I know the one and met her over the summer at Busch. Shar¡ asked me something about if I did anything with this girl like I did with her, since I "met" her over the summer as well. I pretended I was confused and I was, why was she asking me this? We kept talking about it and she explained that we got close, and asked if I did with this other girl. She might have thought I was referring to her again as a double person like I did in my letters, because it sounded that way. I told her no, that I've only talked to her twice since I've been up here and she also has stolen my blender.
She then told me that she enjoys confusing me and laughed. I told her that I enjoy pretending to be confused and laughed back! but then told her I was indeed. I then offered to drop it, and she asked what I wanted to drop? The conversation? The topic? Her? I said the topic rather quickly and asked her why I had any reason to drop her. She said that I don't and we made a couple more meaningless statements to that effect. It could have very well just been because I've been acting so oblivious lately which might have caused her to wonder. She later told me that she has something on her mind, and then said that she actually has two things on her mind. I asked her what they are but she still won't tell me the second one. She said that she really wishes I was down there with her. I asked her if that is really what she is thinking, and she said yes.
I asked her about the other thing and calmly pressured her for anything I could get out of her about it. She told me that it's still only half on her mind right now because she's really not trying to think about it yet. She then said, and it took her a while to spit it out that she want's to wait until she figures out exactly how she wants to tell me and said one other statement about waiting for her body to figure it out??? or something really weird like that. I don't remember whether she said it is good or bad this time, but she was leaning towards good I believe. She said that it deals with her, and after a pause, said that it deals with me, too, of course. I told her that I hate to be left hanging like this because now I'll be wondering. I narrowed down a time when she'll be ready to tell me and she finally said that it won't be within a week, but won't be more than a month. I really don't know.
It sounds as if it could be another guy that she's considering and is planning on telling me how much She loves me, but I'm just too different from her in too many ways and so on. I can hear her saying it, too, and probably would be rather relieved that his whole mess is over. I would definitely take it very graciously but would hate the fact that I have to pay such a big phone bill for something entirely nonexistent. I would also tell her that it is a relief because we thought she was pregnant! That would be rather interesting. Chris said that she's probably going to tell me that she wants to marry me, which I took as asking for a commitment and seriously doubt! The whole thing is pretty weird and I don't know what to think. If she is pregnant, she might not want to tell me now in case it is a false alarm and she also might not want to tell me right now if she thinks I'm having second thoughts because she's afraid I'll leave her for good. Damn I want to know!!! My sarcastic little mind keeps telling me shit like she's probably only waiting to ask me what size I wear to get me something for my birthday... or whatever. It's really freaking me out!!!!! I hate to even think about the other guy situation because she just really sounds like she's getting back into us again...
I also told her that I bought Cord an easy to mail birthday present but wouldn't tell her what it was.
I called Jenn tonight for the first time in a long time and we talked for quite a while. She had left me a message last week and I never called her back but I told her that I never got it. She was telling me that she and Chris have decided to date other people and I complained that I wasn't the first person she came running to. She said that we did do a few things together last year and will have to get together soon. She did joke that she checked her mail every day for a week before and a week after her birthday waiting for a card from me because she remembered that I said I'd send one. I told her at the beginning of the year that I lost my address book, though, so I am still in the clear. She knows I got her the yellow gloves for stress but we want to rent the movie and see it again.