How about some excerpts from the most wonderful and emotional phone call Shar¡ and I have ever had!!! It was so great as I later told Ashley because I essentially told and asked Shar¡ everything that has been building up in my head for the past three months and I felt so awesome and relieved after doing so:
Who was in the car?
Craig - {first time she has ever acknowledged him to me...}
I wasn't sure if it was him, just wondered...
I told him to go talk to you because you're still my friend and he pouted and wouldn't do it.
{laughed and made fun of him}
He bitched about the pictures, said he'd go home and throw away all of the ones of his ex-wife if she threw away these. She said a strong no! Why are you letting a guy take pictures of you naked anyway.
You weren't naked.
I just didn't have any clothes on.
Yeah, that one of you in a sheet was pretty revealing, my dad liked that one!
You let your dad see them!!!
Yes!
What about the one of me bending over?
I kind of edited that one.. I covered your ass, and the one with the flowers.
Craig: you should just go back out with him, he's a stud
I heard you live in a dump with cardboard windows!!! {laugh}
They're not cardboard... Aluminum foil!
My bad!!!!... My bad!!! {laughing hard}
It is a dump and I'm moving out after I get a job, with or without Craig. He's said that maybe I should find somebody else...
Are you still moving to Tampa anytime soon, or is that out of the picture.
I have no reason to move back anymore... you were the only reason I was going to come back. Now I don't have any reason
YEs you do.
What?
Id still like to see you every once in a while.You can see me when I come down every once in a while!
No.
You mean you won't see me?! NO I mean I want to see you more than that!
{Big smile} But it won't be like it was supposed to be.
Maybe not. I do want you to come back.
{suddenly...STRONG WILL!!!}
Are you pregnant?
No!!! Did I look it?
I didn't really look, but do you remember our last talk at Thanksgiving?
Yes... I went to the emergency room and they told me I had miscarried ............................................................
That's a shame....
....Would you have wanted it?
yes!
would you have taken me back even after what I did
What did you do?
Dumped you for no reason except that I was pregnant...
IS that the reason
Yes
I would take you back, I guess I'm dumb.
You're not dumb.
You made me happy for two months and I thank you for that! {pause}
you made me happy, too.
That was a cheap answer
cheap?! why?
It just sounded like you were saying it because you had to.
That's not true I really was happy.
Ted- I can cook really good
Ted can cook great, Craig can't cook anything but frozen food
He can cook, I need a roommate!
If you move up to Gainesville and go to college, Dan needs a roommate!
No, I mean if I come back out by USF.
Oh he says out by USF...
You're a trip! {Strong laugh}
Thank you, I think {laugh}
So are you, remember, an emotional roller coaster!
Yeah!
I joked with someone in Gainesville that my ride was over, and I have to wait in line again!
{She laughed and repeated it}
I told her about Leigh Anne, about how I dumped her after what she told me. I knew I didn't want to spend along time with her, didn't want to waste time anymore.
You caused me a lot of stress...
You actually can be funny sometimes!
I sure can!
It just depends on whether it's a bad funny or a good funny!
It's always a good funny!
I don't think so!!!
{both Laugh}
I beg to differ!!!! {laugh}
{laugh} You beg to differ....
So you are moving back to Tampa!!!
What?
So you are moving back?
Why?
You said you needed a roommate and all,
Maybe , should I?
I think you should.
Don't forget, I'll always take you back.
Softly... I miss being around you
You do?!? {Slight laugh}
If I didn't I wouldn't be calling you as much as I do
I'm really glad you called, do it again soon.
I will!
Wednesday, December 29, 1993
Tuesday, December 28, 1993
December 28, 1993 - Tuesday - Run in w/ Shar¡!, Laura!
Life is cool. Life sucks. And playing God is fun.
Heh heh, heh heh, heh heh!
Shar¡ called me last night at midnight just as I had settled down for a long winter's nap. Mother answered and came and got me. The voice was a little heavy and I was expecting Leigh Anne after an earlier call, but instead it was Shar¡! She was at a pool bar somewhere which is why she could call and we talked for just a few minutes. She asked when I would be going back to school and when I told her not until Sunday she got all happy that she still has a week to get together with me. She asked if I'd like to do something like come down and shoot pool, maybe on Friday night and I said yes, of course. She then told me that I'll be surprised when I see her because she looks a lot different, "as white as a ghost" as she put it. SHe said she' shave to talk to Christina about it but thinks she'll agree because she likes me, and we laughed.
I told her about the pictures I had developed and she said she'd really like to see them. She then told me how she visited the family for Christmas and got a bunch of toys and clothes for Cord and how her dad had given her fifty dollars. She asked about mine and I told her I worked and had just gotten home when she called the other night. She thought that sucked. She had to go before long and she said that she'd call me sometime soon, maybe today.
I had called Buffy earlier in the day and asked when a good time to come and pick up my ring would be. She agreed that this afternoon would be cool but to give her a call before I come over. We then talked about Shar¡ for a while. She said that she hasn't talked to her since I'd called last time but Chad, Shar¡'s brother, has. He said that Shar¡ looks like shit right now and her face is all broken out. He said that they live in a real shithole trailer with cardboard over the broken windows. She said he saw Cord running around in very few clothes in the freezing cold and that pissed Buffy off because she had given Shar¡ a bunch of stuff for him. I told her how Shar¡ has been trying to call me and we talked for a few minutes on Christmas and Buffy said that even though Shar¡ is supposedly "dedicated" to this guy, how come she keeps calling everybody else? She also told me that Shar¡ just got out of the hospital for both a liver and kidney infection. She also complained about how Ernie gave Shar¡ money for food and we both know where that's going to go... and she mentioned a desire to call HRS on Shar¡ as well which I fully support.
I talked to mother later and she told me that a liver infection usually means hepatitis!!! I also was talking with her about all of my girlfriends and why I liked Shar¡ so much. I realized that I am a creative person that likes to make things and Shar¡ was the perfect raw material after attempting suicide. I wanted to mold and influence her into the perfect girlfriend and was doing damn well until I left. I am always going to regret having to leave her. She was getting goals and actually was starting to carry them through. It was all so perfect for a while.
I arrived at Busch Gardens early this morning and waited a while to get a spot in the public parking lot. I was at the fountain by the main entrance a little before ten and waited for Laura. I even ran inside once and looked around in the shop before going back out. at 10:17 I saw her and was glad she wasn't very late, for she did tell me she probably would be but she impressed me. I very easily could have taken her not showing up after some of the abuse I've let myself go through in the past year. We headed in and then went straight for the rides.
I then headed over to Buffy's house to find this cute little note on the door.
I pulled away from the house pissed off and suddenly wondering how I was going to explain any of this to my parents. I was pissed at Shar¡ and figured she wouldn't call me anymore since she knew I was supposed to try and get my ring today and would find out, if she had indeed taken it. I got around the corner only to look into the passing car as I always do and saw Shar¡ wave at me. I had just been thinking earlier how I had never driven out to her house before without the full intentions of seeing her, and I also was wondering how I could find out where this guys trailer is and what car he drives. Well two wishes were suddenly fulfilled. He was in an old white Trans Am with a red stripe. I pulled around the corner and headed back to Buffy's house.
There were a lot of funny things, though. Buffy had said that Shar¡ hasn't talked to her since I last called her, so why the hell is Shar¡ all of the sudden stopping by to see her. I also had told Shar¡ last night that I was going over, but later on, and I was there kind of early. I wonder if she was trying to get there before me. It's also an amazing coincidence that I even saw her because it happened at the last second as they drove by and all I saw were the hands and then went on the hunch. The timing had to be perfect for us to run into each other like that. I also realized how close Shar¡ came to finding the note before I did, which might have been better now that I think about it. I also wonder now if the guy driving the car is just one of her roommates, as she calls them, or Craig. I also thought it might be her older brother for a second but I really don't think so.
I drove up behind them as she was trying to ring on the doorbell and I told her where Buffy was. She came and asked what's up and then said that they were going to get gas and come back. I left too and ran by Ashley's house but she wasn't home. I then went back and waited in the driveway and before long Shar¡ returned and the guy parked right behind me, blocking me in. That actually scared me a little bit and I got my knife ready and had a quick way out of the situation straight through the yard. After a little while, Shar¡ finally got out of her car and came up to my window again to start talking to me. I had just pulled out the pictures and was sorting through the ones she could see. She got excited when she saw that and wanted to look at them.
Shar¡ herself did look really bad. I have never seen her wear shitty clothes before but she was doing so. She was in these soft shorts that one would wear pregnant if her jean shorts didn't fit her anymore, but I couldn't really tell anything at all. Her face was all broken out, and my mother later told me your face breaks out and you lose some weight when you get pregnant! Great. But it happens by smoking pot every day, too. She had Cord come out too and he looked puny just because I haven't seen him in so long. I also noticed the necklace stilled tied around her neck that I gave her, and I think I remember the bracelet still being there as well. That was cool.
She looked at the pictures of her and laughed at some of them really hard. She wanted to see the ones of me as well and went through those. She pulled out this one of me lying in bed after I just woke up and told me that it looks really good. She realized what a fucking stupid face she was making in this one with the stickers on her nipples and also laughed about the one where she was running downstairs for a smoke break. She asked if there were any more and I showed her the two of us playing pool and she really liked the one of her in her black zipper outfit and thinks it was the best of them all. I agreed and said that I think the one of her in a sheet is really cute, too. She then said something about not being able to get the black shorts on anymore because she's getting too fat and we both looked at each other and laughed. That was really weird and I realized soon after that it might have been another pregnancy hint!!!
She took the pictures back to the guy in the car and told him in a somewhat singy voice to look at "me and Dan!" That kind of made me curious as well, and made me wonder if it was really Craig in the car. If I were a girls boyfriend and she did what I was doing right then, I would have kicked her ass. She's showing him pictures of her in her underwear, plus the ones of me. When she came back she asked if she gets too keep them and I asked if she wanted them all. She said yes, including the ones of me. I asked whys he wants them, and if she still has the others. She said definitely and that she still looks at them every once in a while. It might sound too overconfident but she might have said all of the time, I can't quite remember.
She then asked me if I was going to throw away the ones of her and I said no, that I always keep crap like that and smiled really big and she laughed and said, "Crap, huh?!" and smiled as she pretended to whap me with the pictures in her hand. I wish now that I would have told her that I always like to remember the things that make me happy... She then grabbed the two pool pictures from between my legs that I had taken out of my album for her.
I then asked her if she has been in the hospital lately and she looked at me with a very surprised look and asked me how I knew! I smiled and wouldn't tell her but said that I knew it was for both kidney and liver infections. She agreed and then I asked her if she knew that a liver infection is just a nice name for hepatitis. She argued that it's not because hepatitis kills you and I used my dad as an example. She then admitted that she's supposed to go back in for blood tests really soon to see if it is either an early of late stage of hepatitis that she has. I then fed her some scary bull about it being a dangerous disease and how it can come back at any time once you have it. She believes me because I'm supposed to become a doctor and I love it. I then called her a walking venereal disease and she said that I'm probably glad that I'm rid of her now that I know this...
We talked a little while longer and she asked how I did in my classes and I told her how she made me fail biology by not letting me study that weekend. She said it wasn't really her fault but I told her that she makes a damn good excuse for my parents and anybody else who asks. She thought that was just great. We talked a little longer before I told her that I was going to split before long. She agreed and went back to her car about five minutes later. I wanted her to come back up for a second so I could tell her I work Friday night and also to write me if I don't see her again over the break, but oh well. I kind of chased them out of Bloomingdale West before we made our parting ways.
Shar¡ :
Are you pregnant?
Who was the guy in the car?
Heh heh, heh heh, heh heh!
Shar¡ called me last night at midnight just as I had settled down for a long winter's nap. Mother answered and came and got me. The voice was a little heavy and I was expecting Leigh Anne after an earlier call, but instead it was Shar¡! She was at a pool bar somewhere which is why she could call and we talked for just a few minutes. She asked when I would be going back to school and when I told her not until Sunday she got all happy that she still has a week to get together with me. She asked if I'd like to do something like come down and shoot pool, maybe on Friday night and I said yes, of course. She then told me that I'll be surprised when I see her because she looks a lot different, "as white as a ghost" as she put it. SHe said she' shave to talk to Christina about it but thinks she'll agree because she likes me, and we laughed.
I told her about the pictures I had developed and she said she'd really like to see them. She then told me how she visited the family for Christmas and got a bunch of toys and clothes for Cord and how her dad had given her fifty dollars. She asked about mine and I told her I worked and had just gotten home when she called the other night. She thought that sucked. She had to go before long and she said that she'd call me sometime soon, maybe today.
I had called Buffy earlier in the day and asked when a good time to come and pick up my ring would be. She agreed that this afternoon would be cool but to give her a call before I come over. We then talked about Shar¡ for a while. She said that she hasn't talked to her since I'd called last time but Chad, Shar¡'s brother, has. He said that Shar¡ looks like shit right now and her face is all broken out. He said that they live in a real shithole trailer with cardboard over the broken windows. She said he saw Cord running around in very few clothes in the freezing cold and that pissed Buffy off because she had given Shar¡ a bunch of stuff for him. I told her how Shar¡ has been trying to call me and we talked for a few minutes on Christmas and Buffy said that even though Shar¡ is supposedly "dedicated" to this guy, how come she keeps calling everybody else? She also told me that Shar¡ just got out of the hospital for both a liver and kidney infection. She also complained about how Ernie gave Shar¡ money for food and we both know where that's going to go... and she mentioned a desire to call HRS on Shar¡ as well which I fully support.
I talked to mother later and she told me that a liver infection usually means hepatitis!!! I also was talking with her about all of my girlfriends and why I liked Shar¡ so much. I realized that I am a creative person that likes to make things and Shar¡ was the perfect raw material after attempting suicide. I wanted to mold and influence her into the perfect girlfriend and was doing damn well until I left. I am always going to regret having to leave her. She was getting goals and actually was starting to carry them through. It was all so perfect for a while.
I arrived at Busch Gardens early this morning and waited a while to get a spot in the public parking lot. I was at the fountain by the main entrance a little before ten and waited for Laura. I even ran inside once and looked around in the shop before going back out. at 10:17 I saw her and was glad she wasn't very late, for she did tell me she probably would be but she impressed me. I very easily could have taken her not showing up after some of the abuse I've let myself go through in the past year. We headed in and then went straight for the rides.
I then headed over to Buffy's house to find this cute little note on the door.
I pulled away from the house pissed off and suddenly wondering how I was going to explain any of this to my parents. I was pissed at Shar¡ and figured she wouldn't call me anymore since she knew I was supposed to try and get my ring today and would find out, if she had indeed taken it. I got around the corner only to look into the passing car as I always do and saw Shar¡ wave at me. I had just been thinking earlier how I had never driven out to her house before without the full intentions of seeing her, and I also was wondering how I could find out where this guys trailer is and what car he drives. Well two wishes were suddenly fulfilled. He was in an old white Trans Am with a red stripe. I pulled around the corner and headed back to Buffy's house.
There were a lot of funny things, though. Buffy had said that Shar¡ hasn't talked to her since I last called her, so why the hell is Shar¡ all of the sudden stopping by to see her. I also had told Shar¡ last night that I was going over, but later on, and I was there kind of early. I wonder if she was trying to get there before me. It's also an amazing coincidence that I even saw her because it happened at the last second as they drove by and all I saw were the hands and then went on the hunch. The timing had to be perfect for us to run into each other like that. I also realized how close Shar¡ came to finding the note before I did, which might have been better now that I think about it. I also wonder now if the guy driving the car is just one of her roommates, as she calls them, or Craig. I also thought it might be her older brother for a second but I really don't think so.
I drove up behind them as she was trying to ring on the doorbell and I told her where Buffy was. She came and asked what's up and then said that they were going to get gas and come back. I left too and ran by Ashley's house but she wasn't home. I then went back and waited in the driveway and before long Shar¡ returned and the guy parked right behind me, blocking me in. That actually scared me a little bit and I got my knife ready and had a quick way out of the situation straight through the yard. After a little while, Shar¡ finally got out of her car and came up to my window again to start talking to me. I had just pulled out the pictures and was sorting through the ones she could see. She got excited when she saw that and wanted to look at them.
Shar¡ herself did look really bad. I have never seen her wear shitty clothes before but she was doing so. She was in these soft shorts that one would wear pregnant if her jean shorts didn't fit her anymore, but I couldn't really tell anything at all. Her face was all broken out, and my mother later told me your face breaks out and you lose some weight when you get pregnant! Great. But it happens by smoking pot every day, too. She had Cord come out too and he looked puny just because I haven't seen him in so long. I also noticed the necklace stilled tied around her neck that I gave her, and I think I remember the bracelet still being there as well. That was cool.
She looked at the pictures of her and laughed at some of them really hard. She wanted to see the ones of me as well and went through those. She pulled out this one of me lying in bed after I just woke up and told me that it looks really good. She realized what a fucking stupid face she was making in this one with the stickers on her nipples and also laughed about the one where she was running downstairs for a smoke break. She asked if there were any more and I showed her the two of us playing pool and she really liked the one of her in her black zipper outfit and thinks it was the best of them all. I agreed and said that I think the one of her in a sheet is really cute, too. She then said something about not being able to get the black shorts on anymore because she's getting too fat and we both looked at each other and laughed. That was really weird and I realized soon after that it might have been another pregnancy hint!!!
She took the pictures back to the guy in the car and told him in a somewhat singy voice to look at "me and Dan!" That kind of made me curious as well, and made me wonder if it was really Craig in the car. If I were a girls boyfriend and she did what I was doing right then, I would have kicked her ass. She's showing him pictures of her in her underwear, plus the ones of me. When she came back she asked if she gets too keep them and I asked if she wanted them all. She said yes, including the ones of me. I asked whys he wants them, and if she still has the others. She said definitely and that she still looks at them every once in a while. It might sound too overconfident but she might have said all of the time, I can't quite remember.
She then asked me if I was going to throw away the ones of her and I said no, that I always keep crap like that and smiled really big and she laughed and said, "Crap, huh?!" and smiled as she pretended to whap me with the pictures in her hand. I wish now that I would have told her that I always like to remember the things that make me happy... She then grabbed the two pool pictures from between my legs that I had taken out of my album for her.
I then asked her if she has been in the hospital lately and she looked at me with a very surprised look and asked me how I knew! I smiled and wouldn't tell her but said that I knew it was for both kidney and liver infections. She agreed and then I asked her if she knew that a liver infection is just a nice name for hepatitis. She argued that it's not because hepatitis kills you and I used my dad as an example. She then admitted that she's supposed to go back in for blood tests really soon to see if it is either an early of late stage of hepatitis that she has. I then fed her some scary bull about it being a dangerous disease and how it can come back at any time once you have it. She believes me because I'm supposed to become a doctor and I love it. I then called her a walking venereal disease and she said that I'm probably glad that I'm rid of her now that I know this...
We talked a little while longer and she asked how I did in my classes and I told her how she made me fail biology by not letting me study that weekend. She said it wasn't really her fault but I told her that she makes a damn good excuse for my parents and anybody else who asks. She thought that was just great. We talked a little longer before I told her that I was going to split before long. She agreed and went back to her car about five minutes later. I wanted her to come back up for a second so I could tell her I work Friday night and also to write me if I don't see her again over the break, but oh well. I kind of chased them out of Bloomingdale West before we made our parting ways.
Shar¡ :
Are you pregnant?
Who was the guy in the car?
Saturday, December 25, 1993
December 25, 1993 - Saturday - Shari's pictures, Shari!
Merry Christmas!!! Well, things worked out rather good today in the woman department. I had memorable rendezvous with at least four of the things throughout the day.
I woke up around eight thirty this morning and quickly helped the girls wake up mother so we could get things going. I didn't have all day because I had to be at work at noon. I took lots of pictures of Cathleen opening presents and soon ran out of film. That happened to be the same roll that Shar¡ and I used back in September when she came up for the weekend and I was kind of excited about finally being able to get them developed. I looked through last Sunday's newspaper to see if Eckerds was running a half price sale and indeed they were, and they were open today! So I ran over there at ten so I could pick them up an hour later before I went to work. I ended up dropping off copies of the Christmas pictures before heading off to Busch Gardens.
I spoke briefly with this food service girl named Kelly as I walked into Crown Colony. She's the one that Rich likes and whose house he was eating Christmas dinner at with an invitation from her parents. I soon found out that there had been some major call ins and started work early. Mark is this Italian guy who is really funny and I tried to match some of his joking today and was doing a pretty good job. There's this ugly girl in food service named Shari and it scared me a couple of times when people would say or call her name until I figured out what was going on. I thought I was going nuts for a second. Mark was joking with her that I like her and I was playing along that I like her right in front of the girl. I then was saying about all of the things I could do with the two gallon tubs of whipped cream they have in the back. It was funny and he and I joked around all day long.
I then got the balls to go talk to this nice looking long haired girl in food service who was finally exposed out at the cash register. We started talking and she has an awesome country accent and I fell in love immediately. She was awesome until I saw the engagement and wedding rings!!! Shit! That really sucked and I went and pouted to everybody.
I then got a lovely little phone call at the bar from Sarah over in the Stanleyville train station. We talked for about fifteen minutes before I told her I had to go so I didn't look too bad in front of the guests or supervisors for that matter. I did get her number and promised to call her back. We ended up talking back and forth all day long and decided to meet up after work at a gift shop in the front. I walked around impatiently for her until she finally showed and she didn't look at all like I had remembered. She definitely looks a lot better with a tan and sun bleached hair but who cares about being choosy... We met up with this girl named Destiny that was taking her home and hugged before realizing we were walking the same way. I had also put my earring in to show off and she noticed. It seemed like an effective encounter, although really quick.
I came home to an empty house and called out to Mema's where they all were. I then waited for them to bring home the leftovers from Christmas dinner. I had my Christmas dinner at work today which consisted of a lot of fresh carved turkey, stuffing, yams, corn, a roll, a drink and carrot cake. It was just like the meal I had on Thanksgiving day except this time it was free for the employees! That was cool. Claus and I got our lunches at the same time so we could take the long walk to where they were serving it.
At about a quarter to ten I answered the telephone and we all figured it would be Mema checking to make sure they got home. There was the same pause that she always does but then a girls voice said hello. I instantly thought it was Sarah. It wasn't until almost a whole sentence later that I realized it was Shar¡!!!!! SHe joked that she was just trying to be nice and call to say Merry Christmas and stuff and I as mean and asked her if that's not very easy for her to do. She then said that she has tried to call me a couple of times but I was at work. We only talked for a second because I actually told her I was getting my food ready to eat and I actually didn't drop everything and talk to Shar¡!!! What the hell am I thinking??!??
After I put my food in to cook the phone rang again and father ran deviously to answer it and joked that she didn't give me very long to eat. It was Ashley!!!! I was rather surprised by the call on Christmas but was extremely glad. She was very hoarse and asked if I knew who it was even after I seemed to recognize her voice from the very first instance, which I did. We both seemed rather glad to be talking to each other and we both had a lot to say. She told me about her brief weekend with Daniel and I then let her know who I talked to for the first time just a few minutes before she called. It was funny.
She wants me to stop by and see her the day I go and get my ring which is really cool. I then told her that my only day off is Tuesday and I'm planning on going with Laura to Busch on that day, and told her how she came by to say hello the other day. Ashley thought that was sweet of hr and then confessed that she hasn't talked to Laura since she dropped her off Thursday afternoon even though she lives just two minutes away! I told her I need to call her soon and she said to tell her hello and that she loves her. I then said no and told her that I'll tell her that I... and then realized what the hell I was saying and Ashley caught on really well. It was funny and Ashley seemed to actually push the idea rather than criticize me. That was some nice encouragement in a meaningless way. Maybe Laura likes me because they had to have talked about the idea... everybody talks...
Well, if Shar¡ could see some of the pictures I have of her now, she would shit!!!!!
I woke up around eight thirty this morning and quickly helped the girls wake up mother so we could get things going. I didn't have all day because I had to be at work at noon. I took lots of pictures of Cathleen opening presents and soon ran out of film. That happened to be the same roll that Shar¡ and I used back in September when she came up for the weekend and I was kind of excited about finally being able to get them developed. I looked through last Sunday's newspaper to see if Eckerds was running a half price sale and indeed they were, and they were open today! So I ran over there at ten so I could pick them up an hour later before I went to work. I ended up dropping off copies of the Christmas pictures before heading off to Busch Gardens.
I spoke briefly with this food service girl named Kelly as I walked into Crown Colony. She's the one that Rich likes and whose house he was eating Christmas dinner at with an invitation from her parents. I soon found out that there had been some major call ins and started work early. Mark is this Italian guy who is really funny and I tried to match some of his joking today and was doing a pretty good job. There's this ugly girl in food service named Shari and it scared me a couple of times when people would say or call her name until I figured out what was going on. I thought I was going nuts for a second. Mark was joking with her that I like her and I was playing along that I like her right in front of the girl. I then was saying about all of the things I could do with the two gallon tubs of whipped cream they have in the back. It was funny and he and I joked around all day long.
I then got the balls to go talk to this nice looking long haired girl in food service who was finally exposed out at the cash register. We started talking and she has an awesome country accent and I fell in love immediately. She was awesome until I saw the engagement and wedding rings!!! Shit! That really sucked and I went and pouted to everybody.
I then got a lovely little phone call at the bar from Sarah over in the Stanleyville train station. We talked for about fifteen minutes before I told her I had to go so I didn't look too bad in front of the guests or supervisors for that matter. I did get her number and promised to call her back. We ended up talking back and forth all day long and decided to meet up after work at a gift shop in the front. I walked around impatiently for her until she finally showed and she didn't look at all like I had remembered. She definitely looks a lot better with a tan and sun bleached hair but who cares about being choosy... We met up with this girl named Destiny that was taking her home and hugged before realizing we were walking the same way. I had also put my earring in to show off and she noticed. It seemed like an effective encounter, although really quick.
I came home to an empty house and called out to Mema's where they all were. I then waited for them to bring home the leftovers from Christmas dinner. I had my Christmas dinner at work today which consisted of a lot of fresh carved turkey, stuffing, yams, corn, a roll, a drink and carrot cake. It was just like the meal I had on Thanksgiving day except this time it was free for the employees! That was cool. Claus and I got our lunches at the same time so we could take the long walk to where they were serving it.
At about a quarter to ten I answered the telephone and we all figured it would be Mema checking to make sure they got home. There was the same pause that she always does but then a girls voice said hello. I instantly thought it was Sarah. It wasn't until almost a whole sentence later that I realized it was Shar¡!!!!! SHe joked that she was just trying to be nice and call to say Merry Christmas and stuff and I as mean and asked her if that's not very easy for her to do. She then said that she has tried to call me a couple of times but I was at work. We only talked for a second because I actually told her I was getting my food ready to eat and I actually didn't drop everything and talk to Shar¡!!! What the hell am I thinking??!??
After I put my food in to cook the phone rang again and father ran deviously to answer it and joked that she didn't give me very long to eat. It was Ashley!!!! I was rather surprised by the call on Christmas but was extremely glad. She was very hoarse and asked if I knew who it was even after I seemed to recognize her voice from the very first instance, which I did. We both seemed rather glad to be talking to each other and we both had a lot to say. She told me about her brief weekend with Daniel and I then let her know who I talked to for the first time just a few minutes before she called. It was funny.
She wants me to stop by and see her the day I go and get my ring which is really cool. I then told her that my only day off is Tuesday and I'm planning on going with Laura to Busch on that day, and told her how she came by to say hello the other day. Ashley thought that was sweet of hr and then confessed that she hasn't talked to Laura since she dropped her off Thursday afternoon even though she lives just two minutes away! I told her I need to call her soon and she said to tell her hello and that she loves her. I then said no and told her that I'll tell her that I... and then realized what the hell I was saying and Ashley caught on really well. It was funny and Ashley seemed to actually push the idea rather than criticize me. That was some nice encouragement in a meaningless way. Maybe Laura likes me because they had to have talked about the idea... everybody talks...
Well, if Shar¡ could see some of the pictures I have of her now, she would shit!!!!!
Friday, December 24, 1993
December 24, 1993 - Friday - Kelly!, Kimmeth!, Sarah
Work is actually turning out to be pretty cool. It just seems to be getting better and better. I worked on the bar starting at noon and staying until closing. This guy named Matt was up there with me and he is the biggest faggot I have ever seen. He's pretty cool though and I've made it perfectly clear what my preferences are.
I was looking for attractive women all day long and actually saw a few today. I wore my glasses this time so I could get a clear view of the entire restaurant. There is this really cute tall and skinny girl with long straight auburn hair. I would normally call it light brown but I picked up the new color from the fag. I really like this girl and noticed her staring a lot at me from the gift shop where she works while I was walking around in grounds on Wednesday. I have been impressed ever since.
I bought a pizza later during a break and walked into the basement lounge and she and some hospitality guy were the only two people in the room. I sat facing away from her by the door so she couldn't watch me eat. I first ran off to the bathroom and started at her hard while I walked back in. The guy soon left and she then got up and washed her hands, arching her butt right at my face while doing so. She then ran off to the bathroom. I kind of wondered why she washed her hands in front of me if she was going to run off so quick to the restroom. She then came back and sat down. As soon as I was done, she got up and followed me out and headed towards the elevator until I turned for the stairs and along she came. I handed her the door and then held the door open for her upstairs and she and I both smiled and laughed as she told me she was still going up, but she did thank me. I walked into the office to sign back in from break only to see her walking back to her shop... why the fifteen second detour upstairs? Matt and I were talking about her later because he knows her. She walked by once and he called out to her and after a short exchange he called out something like, "I want you!" or something. I then said about half as loud, "I love you!" and he looked at me with a laugh. It was funny. He says she's really sweet. I'd really like to find out.
Later on there was a group of three really good looking girls that came and ate dinner at a table towards the far side of the bar and I kind of hung out there and stared for a long time. It wasn't crowded so it didn't matter. One girl was eating strawberry shortcake and I suddenly blurted out that there much better things to do with whipped cream than that. Matt looked at me really quick in surprise until he realized what I meant. I really think they could have heard me, and who cares because I kind of wanted them to! When it was time for me to go on break, I joked that I know exactly where I want to be on my break and hinted at that third empty chair. I then looked and flirted hard as I walked by their table repeatedly. It was fun.
I had quite a bit of fun with Kelly, too. We stop to talk to each other all of the time and we both seem to give each other these awesome love me puppy dog faces. Mine are perfect and it's kind of funny. We have a really good time talking, too. Yesterday we had a really good time because this forty year old guy just stayed and talked to her forever after she served him his beer. It was really obvious that he was in some perverted way trying to hit on her and I told her after he left. She thought that was really funny and said that she doesn't pick up on things like that and then I was mocking what he had said and we were laughing really hard.
We also joke around with each other a lot and I'm always really talkative when she comes around. For some reason we were talking about dating and she told me that she hasn't been on a date since August. I acted surprised and told her that we'll have to go on one before I leave and she said that she'd really like to. I suggested dinner and she said that sounds good, she eats dinner! I then added my own sarcasm and said that's great because I like to eat dinner, too, and it's so hard to find people that do nowadays. I then asked what she likes better, Burger King of McDonalds, and then remembered she likes Kentucky Fried Chicken! It was funny but I would like to go out with her once and maybe write letters or something. Cool!
I called Sarah on my break for a few minutes and again later tonight but we only talked for a little while. It seems so much like she doesn't give half a shit most for the time but then she'll do something good like call me a bunch long distance or a bunch of times down here. I don't know.
Kimmeth called me last night!!! I'm kind of glad she put of coming home right now because I don't think I'm quite ready for her yet. We talked a long time about things and I let her in a little more on Shar¡ and she seemed very wise and picked up things about Shar¡ very intuitively which impressed me immensely, seriously. I was really glad to talk to her. Her psychic told her that she has a year before she'll want a definite commitment and I joked once again that she can date around for a year and then we'll have to get together. She laughed and then asked me what about myself, for she had a dream about Tobin screwing every girl in Fort LAuderdale and then remembered it stemmed from something I told her. I then said that I'll finish up everything between now and then and she liked that. She also got my Kim Exposed card from Spencers and said that she really liked it and it worked very effectively because the way she ripped it opened, the title was the first thing she saw and it scared her for a second. Cute.
I was looking for attractive women all day long and actually saw a few today. I wore my glasses this time so I could get a clear view of the entire restaurant. There is this really cute tall and skinny girl with long straight auburn hair. I would normally call it light brown but I picked up the new color from the fag. I really like this girl and noticed her staring a lot at me from the gift shop where she works while I was walking around in grounds on Wednesday. I have been impressed ever since.
I bought a pizza later during a break and walked into the basement lounge and she and some hospitality guy were the only two people in the room. I sat facing away from her by the door so she couldn't watch me eat. I first ran off to the bathroom and started at her hard while I walked back in. The guy soon left and she then got up and washed her hands, arching her butt right at my face while doing so. She then ran off to the bathroom. I kind of wondered why she washed her hands in front of me if she was going to run off so quick to the restroom. She then came back and sat down. As soon as I was done, she got up and followed me out and headed towards the elevator until I turned for the stairs and along she came. I handed her the door and then held the door open for her upstairs and she and I both smiled and laughed as she told me she was still going up, but she did thank me. I walked into the office to sign back in from break only to see her walking back to her shop... why the fifteen second detour upstairs? Matt and I were talking about her later because he knows her. She walked by once and he called out to her and after a short exchange he called out something like, "I want you!" or something. I then said about half as loud, "I love you!" and he looked at me with a laugh. It was funny. He says she's really sweet. I'd really like to find out.
Later on there was a group of three really good looking girls that came and ate dinner at a table towards the far side of the bar and I kind of hung out there and stared for a long time. It wasn't crowded so it didn't matter. One girl was eating strawberry shortcake and I suddenly blurted out that there much better things to do with whipped cream than that. Matt looked at me really quick in surprise until he realized what I meant. I really think they could have heard me, and who cares because I kind of wanted them to! When it was time for me to go on break, I joked that I know exactly where I want to be on my break and hinted at that third empty chair. I then looked and flirted hard as I walked by their table repeatedly. It was fun.
I had quite a bit of fun with Kelly, too. We stop to talk to each other all of the time and we both seem to give each other these awesome love me puppy dog faces. Mine are perfect and it's kind of funny. We have a really good time talking, too. Yesterday we had a really good time because this forty year old guy just stayed and talked to her forever after she served him his beer. It was really obvious that he was in some perverted way trying to hit on her and I told her after he left. She thought that was really funny and said that she doesn't pick up on things like that and then I was mocking what he had said and we were laughing really hard.
We also joke around with each other a lot and I'm always really talkative when she comes around. For some reason we were talking about dating and she told me that she hasn't been on a date since August. I acted surprised and told her that we'll have to go on one before I leave and she said that she'd really like to. I suggested dinner and she said that sounds good, she eats dinner! I then added my own sarcasm and said that's great because I like to eat dinner, too, and it's so hard to find people that do nowadays. I then asked what she likes better, Burger King of McDonalds, and then remembered she likes Kentucky Fried Chicken! It was funny but I would like to go out with her once and maybe write letters or something. Cool!
I called Sarah on my break for a few minutes and again later tonight but we only talked for a little while. It seems so much like she doesn't give half a shit most for the time but then she'll do something good like call me a bunch long distance or a bunch of times down here. I don't know.
Kimmeth called me last night!!! I'm kind of glad she put of coming home right now because I don't think I'm quite ready for her yet. We talked a long time about things and I let her in a little more on Shar¡ and she seemed very wise and picked up things about Shar¡ very intuitively which impressed me immensely, seriously. I was really glad to talk to her. Her psychic told her that she has a year before she'll want a definite commitment and I joked once again that she can date around for a year and then we'll have to get together. She laughed and then asked me what about myself, for she had a dream about Tobin screwing every girl in Fort LAuderdale and then remembered it stemmed from something I told her. I then said that I'll finish up everything between now and then and she liked that. She also got my Kim Exposed card from Spencers and said that she really liked it and it worked very effectively because the way she ripped it opened, the title was the first thing she saw and it scared her for a second. Cute.
Thursday, December 23, 1993
December 23, 1993 - Wednesday - Impressing Kelly Bo Peep
Well, work is cool. It's kind of an easy and very relaxed job and I'm not the least bit upset that I didn't get the rides or other grounds area. Actually I think this is probably the best place to work during the winter because it's mostly indoors. The only bad part is the fact that there aren't too many girls coming through to flirt with. On my first day I worked in grounds and met everybody. I worked along with this guy named Claus who is a Puerto Rican born German. He's just as tall as I am and we got a lot of attention because of that, much more than if we had come in by ourselves. It was funny. He's a pre dental student at the University of Tampa. We got along really well and were both looking for women and flirting with anything we could find.
One supervisor is named Kelly, a decent and very nice blonde, but I noticed an engagement ring right away. I then met this rather teacher looking girl and noticed no ring. I kind of gathered that she is pretty silly if she is old, but cool if she is young. Claus and I talked about her age for a second so I decided to go in and ask her while she was working at the bar. She looked up at me and to start conversation asked me how old I am!!! That scared me. It turns out that she is eighteen and I like that a lot. Her name is Kelly.
One part time supervisor is named Rich and he is pretty cool. He's a little guy from the deep swamp in Louisiana. We get along really well and talked all about Mardi Gras. He was there last year and I joked that I remembered seeing him there! Claus and I walked into the office once and Rich explained that they've been having Christmas parties in the Crown Colony after the park closes and asked either one of us if we wanted to work. I gladly volunteered for the hours and told them I wanted to work as much as possible since I'm only here for two weeks and this is my food money for next semester. They then explained that all we'll do is rearrange the tables and chairs and then hide for about five hours until the party is over when we have to put the furniture back in its proper place. There is a really nice VIP room where we get to hang out. Rich also said that the Crown Colony workers are probably the most pampered employees in the park with the exception of those in the Hospitality House. I now fully agree.
I started talking to Kelly a lot. Her nickname is Bo Peep. We started getting along really well and she latched onto me not after too long. Most of the girls in our area are goody goodies and she is no exception. We had a lot of fun running around, though.
We then had to actually do a little work in preparation for the party for about an hour. I used it as an opportunity to exercise and to show off a little. They have these curtains and poles that you have to assemble into a shadow box covering the food service. Rich, Kelly, some girl from grounds, and I all stayed. The little people usually have a hell of a time putting up the shadow box but I was able to reach it with ease and they were very impressed. By the end of the night I had impressed Kelly a hell of a lot and I really loved the attention.
We flipped tables and moved chairs. They all can only handle two at a time so I decided to test my strength and size by caring four at a time. I made sure to walk in front of them so they could both see. There were some security guards walking around that complimented me. The next day there was a big group of people in the office and we were talking about the night function and Rich told them that he wanted to keep me because I did a damn good job. He then actually bragged about me and how I carried four chairs at a time all night long!!!!! That was awesome and was exactly the attention I was out to get.
Early in the day I had joked with Kelly by asking her when she is going to take me to dinner. I picked up the line from Chris in Gainesville. Well, she went out and got Burger King for us to eat while we hung out in the VIP room. We then called people on the telephone and also watched the party. Kelly and I were leaning right on each other as we peeked around the shadow box. There were some awesome girls there that I was looking at rather intensely.
The next day I flirted a lot with Kelly again. We had to start preparing for another night function on Sunday night as well and they definitely wanted me to stay and help them. She kept running up to help me flip tables. When she told me that she wanted to help me, I acted all surprised and happy. She laughed and said that she is my Christmas present then and I smiled and said that she is what I always wanted. We then put our arms around each other for a second. That was great!
I was also trained on the bar that day. Rich was supposed to do it, but Kelly ran to take over. I impressed her once again by tapping perfect cupfuls of beer right from the start and by poring multiple beers without stopping the fountain. She really liked that. She also was amazed by the spiel I gave the first person I reminded that they are limited to two beers a day. I guess she forgot that I have worked at Busch before and now how to be courteous but get my point across. She said that I sounded exactly likes she would have done it. I like her.
I talked to Sarah on Monday and Tuesday repeatedly all day long both days.
Shar¡ called my house today while I was at work. At least she's making an effort...
One supervisor is named Kelly, a decent and very nice blonde, but I noticed an engagement ring right away. I then met this rather teacher looking girl and noticed no ring. I kind of gathered that she is pretty silly if she is old, but cool if she is young. Claus and I talked about her age for a second so I decided to go in and ask her while she was working at the bar. She looked up at me and to start conversation asked me how old I am!!! That scared me. It turns out that she is eighteen and I like that a lot. Her name is Kelly.
One part time supervisor is named Rich and he is pretty cool. He's a little guy from the deep swamp in Louisiana. We get along really well and talked all about Mardi Gras. He was there last year and I joked that I remembered seeing him there! Claus and I walked into the office once and Rich explained that they've been having Christmas parties in the Crown Colony after the park closes and asked either one of us if we wanted to work. I gladly volunteered for the hours and told them I wanted to work as much as possible since I'm only here for two weeks and this is my food money for next semester. They then explained that all we'll do is rearrange the tables and chairs and then hide for about five hours until the party is over when we have to put the furniture back in its proper place. There is a really nice VIP room where we get to hang out. Rich also said that the Crown Colony workers are probably the most pampered employees in the park with the exception of those in the Hospitality House. I now fully agree.
I started talking to Kelly a lot. Her nickname is Bo Peep. We started getting along really well and she latched onto me not after too long. Most of the girls in our area are goody goodies and she is no exception. We had a lot of fun running around, though.
We then had to actually do a little work in preparation for the party for about an hour. I used it as an opportunity to exercise and to show off a little. They have these curtains and poles that you have to assemble into a shadow box covering the food service. Rich, Kelly, some girl from grounds, and I all stayed. The little people usually have a hell of a time putting up the shadow box but I was able to reach it with ease and they were very impressed. By the end of the night I had impressed Kelly a hell of a lot and I really loved the attention.
We flipped tables and moved chairs. They all can only handle two at a time so I decided to test my strength and size by caring four at a time. I made sure to walk in front of them so they could both see. There were some security guards walking around that complimented me. The next day there was a big group of people in the office and we were talking about the night function and Rich told them that he wanted to keep me because I did a damn good job. He then actually bragged about me and how I carried four chairs at a time all night long!!!!! That was awesome and was exactly the attention I was out to get.
Early in the day I had joked with Kelly by asking her when she is going to take me to dinner. I picked up the line from Chris in Gainesville. Well, she went out and got Burger King for us to eat while we hung out in the VIP room. We then called people on the telephone and also watched the party. Kelly and I were leaning right on each other as we peeked around the shadow box. There were some awesome girls there that I was looking at rather intensely.
The next day I flirted a lot with Kelly again. We had to start preparing for another night function on Sunday night as well and they definitely wanted me to stay and help them. She kept running up to help me flip tables. When she told me that she wanted to help me, I acted all surprised and happy. She laughed and said that she is my Christmas present then and I smiled and said that she is what I always wanted. We then put our arms around each other for a second. That was great!
I was also trained on the bar that day. Rich was supposed to do it, but Kelly ran to take over. I impressed her once again by tapping perfect cupfuls of beer right from the start and by poring multiple beers without stopping the fountain. She really liked that. She also was amazed by the spiel I gave the first person I reminded that they are limited to two beers a day. I guess she forgot that I have worked at Busch before and now how to be courteous but get my point across. She said that I sounded exactly likes she would have done it. I like her.
I talked to Sarah on Monday and Tuesday repeatedly all day long both days.
Shar¡ called my house today while I was at work. At least she's making an effort...
Friday, December 17, 1993
December 17, 1993 - Friday - Accepting Shari, Busch!
I just talked to Christina and learned a few things that aren't really new or important. She was worried that this guy, Josh, gave her a disease and just found out that he didn't after he visited the hospital. The guy who got her pregnant also is threatening that she will get an abortion, with or without violence so she's planning on staying with an Aunt in Daytona starting at the beginning of the new year. There goes my only connection with Shar¡. I changed the subject to Shar¡, and Christina complained that it seems like she keeps giving Josh these looks like she likes him. She also was joking about how much Shar¡ and I pissed her off back when we started going out. I joked about wanting to have sex with her now and she really liked that a lot. I told her that she didn't really miss anything but she said that she doesn't know that and I could be awesome in bed because Shar¡ never talked about us having sex to her. I really like that. I told her that either way I have been practicing a lot lately and we laughed.
Christina claims that Shar¡ definitely lost our baby. I tried to help her figure out why but she doesn't know. I asked about Livestock but she said that Shar¡ didn't go to Livestock because they were together that weekend...??????? I asked and she told me that Shar¡ has known for about two months and she was telling me again how much she thought Shar¡ should have told me from the beginning and how they used to talk about that. They are going out to Mulligans tonight and I asked her to please tell Shar¡ to call me and she said she would. I made a few cute jokes that will almost assure that she does.
What sucks is that my life suddenly feels so empty right now. I had a dream two nights ago about this confrontation between Shar¡ and I and she told me that she was having triplets!!! but then disappeared and didn't have much to do with me for the rest of the dream. It was my mind fearing that even if she does have my baby, that she'll stay with the other guy. I think triplets stemmed from my want of twins, plus Cord. I really feel that I was taken for a ride by Shar¡ and was meddling with something I wasn't ever meant to understand. I tried to change so much for her and that probably isn't right. That empty feeling inside just dreads having to start everything all over again.
It's weird I feel that way because I have Leigh Anne who wants to marry me and is pushing sex down my throat, Sarah seems pretty promising, Kimmeth is still a really good friend, Laura and I are on improving terms, and Ashley and I are better friends than ever. I've never had such an abundance of good women, and for so long it has been overshadowed by the love of the one bad one. Everything that could possibly be wrong was... love must be the strongest thing in the universe.
Ashley and I met downstairs at seven on Wednesday morning to walk to our Biology exam. She had stayed at her sorority house for the night to study. We went and took the test and I waited afterwards for her outside. I met up with Fran‡oise and we talked for a while. It turns out that she and Leigh Anne were next door neighbors last year. Anyway, Ashley and I cried about the exam afterwards on our trip home.
I took advantage of the little spare time I had to mail Christmas cards. I bought one for Granny, Kimmeth and Carey Ann before buying another much better one for Kim at the mall. The one I had originally picked out for her was really mushy and talked about how special our friendship is. I tried to rearrange the cards so that I could give them to four different people, not knowing how Kim would like two. It suddenly hit me how appropriate Ashley would be as a recipient of the friendship card. I filled it out and told her to give me a call in Tampa (that's another reason I gave it to her, to give myself an excuse to give her my home phone number!). It was really sweet. I only felt bad about not giving Laura anything. I then had the person downstairs put the card in Ashley's mailbox to formalize the whole thing.
I got a call from Ashley later on that night and she started off the conversation in a way that I wasn't sure if she had gotten the card. She finally thanked me for it and you could tell that he really liked it, a lot!!! She's the kind of girl that really appreciates sentimental things. I also had been worried about how I could keep our friendship going strong next semester and I think I did a damn good job of solidifying it. We talked for forty-five minutes until her phone battery started going dead.
She then invited me down and I stayed for over an hour. She gave me a Jolt cola and a bag full of candy. We talked a lot and a couple of times when I would say I was about ready to go just to make sure I wasn't imposing, she would whine and say that I have to stay to keep her company. Laura, Jessica and Rob showed up from seeing the movie, Jurassic Park and we all talked for a while longer. Jessica started an art collage due the next day that consisted of pictures from 1974. She kept holding up pictures and asking us who they were and I answered almost every one right and she was really impressed.
Laura and I were getting along really well, too. She kept cutting down Rob. One time I complained about the Muppet Christmas music, and he then agreed. Laura told him if he didn't like it he could leave and he jokingly complained that she was picking on him and not me. She then said that I am a real friend and came over and gave me a hug! I really liked that. We recommitted our engagement with a ring made out of a piece of Ashley's artificial Christmas tree. It was really cute. We also talked about our presumed date to Busch Gardens some more. Ashley and I have a little date planned for lunch when I come out to Brandon to pick up my ring as well.
Ashley then gave me a call last night from Tampa!!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Leigh Anne and my final words:
L - I'm tired of hearing about her, tell it to someone who cares...
D - I'm tired of hearing about us, tell it to someone who cares...
Christina claims that Shar¡ definitely lost our baby. I tried to help her figure out why but she doesn't know. I asked about Livestock but she said that Shar¡ didn't go to Livestock because they were together that weekend...??????? I asked and she told me that Shar¡ has known for about two months and she was telling me again how much she thought Shar¡ should have told me from the beginning and how they used to talk about that. They are going out to Mulligans tonight and I asked her to please tell Shar¡ to call me and she said she would. I made a few cute jokes that will almost assure that she does.
What sucks is that my life suddenly feels so empty right now. I had a dream two nights ago about this confrontation between Shar¡ and I and she told me that she was having triplets!!! but then disappeared and didn't have much to do with me for the rest of the dream. It was my mind fearing that even if she does have my baby, that she'll stay with the other guy. I think triplets stemmed from my want of twins, plus Cord. I really feel that I was taken for a ride by Shar¡ and was meddling with something I wasn't ever meant to understand. I tried to change so much for her and that probably isn't right. That empty feeling inside just dreads having to start everything all over again.
It's weird I feel that way because I have Leigh Anne who wants to marry me and is pushing sex down my throat, Sarah seems pretty promising, Kimmeth is still a really good friend, Laura and I are on improving terms, and Ashley and I are better friends than ever. I've never had such an abundance of good women, and for so long it has been overshadowed by the love of the one bad one. Everything that could possibly be wrong was... love must be the strongest thing in the universe.
Ashley and I met downstairs at seven on Wednesday morning to walk to our Biology exam. She had stayed at her sorority house for the night to study. We went and took the test and I waited afterwards for her outside. I met up with Fran‡oise and we talked for a while. It turns out that she and Leigh Anne were next door neighbors last year. Anyway, Ashley and I cried about the exam afterwards on our trip home.
I took advantage of the little spare time I had to mail Christmas cards. I bought one for Granny, Kimmeth and Carey Ann before buying another much better one for Kim at the mall. The one I had originally picked out for her was really mushy and talked about how special our friendship is. I tried to rearrange the cards so that I could give them to four different people, not knowing how Kim would like two. It suddenly hit me how appropriate Ashley would be as a recipient of the friendship card. I filled it out and told her to give me a call in Tampa (that's another reason I gave it to her, to give myself an excuse to give her my home phone number!). It was really sweet. I only felt bad about not giving Laura anything. I then had the person downstairs put the card in Ashley's mailbox to formalize the whole thing.
I got a call from Ashley later on that night and she started off the conversation in a way that I wasn't sure if she had gotten the card. She finally thanked me for it and you could tell that he really liked it, a lot!!! She's the kind of girl that really appreciates sentimental things. I also had been worried about how I could keep our friendship going strong next semester and I think I did a damn good job of solidifying it. We talked for forty-five minutes until her phone battery started going dead.
She then invited me down and I stayed for over an hour. She gave me a Jolt cola and a bag full of candy. We talked a lot and a couple of times when I would say I was about ready to go just to make sure I wasn't imposing, she would whine and say that I have to stay to keep her company. Laura, Jessica and Rob showed up from seeing the movie, Jurassic Park and we all talked for a while longer. Jessica started an art collage due the next day that consisted of pictures from 1974. She kept holding up pictures and asking us who they were and I answered almost every one right and she was really impressed.
Laura and I were getting along really well, too. She kept cutting down Rob. One time I complained about the Muppet Christmas music, and he then agreed. Laura told him if he didn't like it he could leave and he jokingly complained that she was picking on him and not me. She then said that I am a real friend and came over and gave me a hug! I really liked that. We recommitted our engagement with a ring made out of a piece of Ashley's artificial Christmas tree. It was really cute. We also talked about our presumed date to Busch Gardens some more. Ashley and I have a little date planned for lunch when I come out to Brandon to pick up my ring as well.
Ashley then gave me a call last night from Tampa!!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Leigh Anne and my final words:
L - I'm tired of hearing about her, tell it to someone who cares...
D - I'm tired of hearing about us, tell it to someone who cares...
Monday, December 13, 1993
December 13, 1993 - Monday - Last fling w/ Leigh Anne
I've actually had a pretty eventful day, despite the disappointing setback of my car not working worth a shit. I slept over at Leigh Anne's last night and yes we had sex again. We had sex the night before as well for the first time since that Monday night when I dumped her. Marty was with with Chris for the weekend which is why I went with Leigh Anne, otherwise I would have been alone, like I will be tonight. Michelle walked in on us last night while we were having sex and Leigh Anne made a big deal out of it. I just rolled over since I was letting her do all of the work anyway and started to go to sleep. After Michelle settled in up on the top bunk, she went at it again. I decided to take advantage of the situation and asked her to finish a blow job she had started. I have never orgasmed into anyone's mouth before and have always really wanted to.
She was really unsure about being able to do so but I moved my hips to help myself out and after a while I did come inside her mouth and the feel of her sucking the come out of my dick was pure bliss!!! That felt awesome. It's a shame it had to be with her. Sometimes through the night I tried to picture that I was lying with Shar¡ but I just couldn't even though it was dark, there are just too many physical differences as well. It's weird, but it's almost as if Shar¡ is less dense than Leigh Anne, if that makes any sense. It's like Leigh Anne's aura is absorbing the life out of me while Shar¡ was filling me full.
I didn't wake up until 12:30 when I quickly split to run the day's errands. Jon wanted to come with Chris and I. Cecil was over and we dropped him off at an exam before heading over to check out my car. The problems seem to be deeper than just the battery now which sucks! We then headed to Wal Mart where I bought Christmas cards for Kimmeth, Carey Ann and Mema. I received two cards in the mail today before we left, one from Carey Ann and one from Mema with five dollars inside to buy snacks for exam week. I thought that was really funny because I complained sarcastically to my mom the other day that both Laura and Ashley's parents love them enough to send them baskets, but mine don't. I know that my mom ended up telling Mema that which is why she sent me money. I thought that was really sweet and my mom agreed tonight that it really happened that way and Mema didn't tell her that she sent the card until after she had already mailed it. carey Ann's card was really sweet and told me how she thinks constantly about our fun summer together and so forth.
We then went to Publix and bought a dozen glazed doughnuts. Chris and I picked out three additional fifty cent a piece doughnuts and she gave them to us for free. She was fat and we joked that she gave them to us because we flirted with her. The cashier was gorgeous, however, and I really enjoyed looking at her. We then headed home only to find a message on the answering machine! It was for me!!! It was my beautiful Sarah, and I thought she had forgotten about me! Thank God she hasn't! I didn't ever return her call today, though, but I will really soon. I also called Shands Hospital and made an interview appointment for the spring semester to be a cuddler for infants and small children. That should be fun.
Chris, Jon and I later headed out to the mall to do a little Christmas shopping and had a good time. I suggested that we stop by and pick up Cecil which we did. We ran all over the mall and had fun and found so much stuff to buy. I found this awesome semi-pornographic card that is personalized with Kim's name that she ought to love. I'll remind her of how much she bragged about going to the male strip club that time. I hope she likes it. I also bought a little black mouse.
I made spaghetti tonight and even gave some to Leigh Anne. It was delicious and we also made twisty bread sticks that came out really well. I ran downstairs with a small plate of hamburger after I browned it to give to Laura and they all thought that was pretty funny. I also had I called home to tell them about my car predicament and to brag about how good my spaghetti was. My mom told me that Shar¡ called the other day and Chrissy talked to her. She said that she wanted(or needs???) to talk to me! She thought that I would be home by then and my sister told her I'd be another week. That would explain why she didn't write to me... I'm really scared right now...
She was really unsure about being able to do so but I moved my hips to help myself out and after a while I did come inside her mouth and the feel of her sucking the come out of my dick was pure bliss!!! That felt awesome. It's a shame it had to be with her. Sometimes through the night I tried to picture that I was lying with Shar¡ but I just couldn't even though it was dark, there are just too many physical differences as well. It's weird, but it's almost as if Shar¡ is less dense than Leigh Anne, if that makes any sense. It's like Leigh Anne's aura is absorbing the life out of me while Shar¡ was filling me full.
I didn't wake up until 12:30 when I quickly split to run the day's errands. Jon wanted to come with Chris and I. Cecil was over and we dropped him off at an exam before heading over to check out my car. The problems seem to be deeper than just the battery now which sucks! We then headed to Wal Mart where I bought Christmas cards for Kimmeth, Carey Ann and Mema. I received two cards in the mail today before we left, one from Carey Ann and one from Mema with five dollars inside to buy snacks for exam week. I thought that was really funny because I complained sarcastically to my mom the other day that both Laura and Ashley's parents love them enough to send them baskets, but mine don't. I know that my mom ended up telling Mema that which is why she sent me money. I thought that was really sweet and my mom agreed tonight that it really happened that way and Mema didn't tell her that she sent the card until after she had already mailed it. carey Ann's card was really sweet and told me how she thinks constantly about our fun summer together and so forth.
We then went to Publix and bought a dozen glazed doughnuts. Chris and I picked out three additional fifty cent a piece doughnuts and she gave them to us for free. She was fat and we joked that she gave them to us because we flirted with her. The cashier was gorgeous, however, and I really enjoyed looking at her. We then headed home only to find a message on the answering machine! It was for me!!! It was my beautiful Sarah, and I thought she had forgotten about me! Thank God she hasn't! I didn't ever return her call today, though, but I will really soon. I also called Shands Hospital and made an interview appointment for the spring semester to be a cuddler for infants and small children. That should be fun.
Chris, Jon and I later headed out to the mall to do a little Christmas shopping and had a good time. I suggested that we stop by and pick up Cecil which we did. We ran all over the mall and had fun and found so much stuff to buy. I found this awesome semi-pornographic card that is personalized with Kim's name that she ought to love. I'll remind her of how much she bragged about going to the male strip club that time. I hope she likes it. I also bought a little black mouse.
I made spaghetti tonight and even gave some to Leigh Anne. It was delicious and we also made twisty bread sticks that came out really well. I ran downstairs with a small plate of hamburger after I browned it to give to Laura and they all thought that was pretty funny. I also had I called home to tell them about my car predicament and to brag about how good my spaghetti was. My mom told me that Shar¡ called the other day and Chrissy talked to her. She said that she wanted(or needs???) to talk to me! She thought that I would be home by then and my sister told her I'd be another week. That would explain why she didn't write to me... I'm really scared right now...
Sunday, December 5, 1993
December 5, 1993 - Sunday - What is it about Shari?!
D - So was Livestock worth it?
S - What do you mean?
D - That's when you killed my baby.
Why do you think I was so against you going to Livestock, I thought I had figured out that you were pregnant and knew what would happen! Remember how I kept saying you had to stay for Cord's birthday, yes that's important but obviously wasn't important enough for all of the time I spent trying to convince you not to go. I had other reasons that I was afraid to bring up. If I had "accused" you of being pregnant, and you weren't, I was afraid you'd get pissed at me for some reason and leave me.
When you did leave me on your own, I figured that your important news wasn't that you were pregnant, but that you had found somebody else. That's why it was so easy for me to let you go at the time. It's not until now, over an entire month later that missing you is tearing me to pieces!
The scary thing is, I still find myself forgiving you for everything you do (or everything I think you do) and that scares me. Why am I like that, why do I like you so damn much? I have a bad habit of convincing myself that everything that went wrong with us is entirely my fault. If only I hadn't kept shut up and had talked to you about being pregnant from the start, then everything might be fine... If only I didn't have to leave you in the first place...
Well, I've spent the past month improving my stamina and technique. I just wanted so much for you to be the one that showed me how, but now I ask you to judge me.... he he.
Leigh Anne is trying her hardest to get me back, and I'm accommodating her but I'm not telling her anything or doing anything that I feel is wrong. I constantly refuse to kiss her and deny her pleads for me to let her stay the night with me just to hold me and be there for me through all of my problems. She gave me a cassette of "I miss you" songs that she stayed up Friday night for eight hors making for me, and then gave me a pink rose and foil "I love you" balloon yesterday. I put it in my makeshift vase with the red rose she gave me Monday. She claims they were out of red roses this time around. She also was making a big deal out of things because yesterday would have been our one month anniversary and she was telling me that she had big plans for today back before Thanksgiving Break.
All I have to say is that if she thinks my attitude after only four days back in Tampa was bad, wait until I have to deal with two and a half weeks worth of the bliss. I hope.
Oh yeah, for statistic's purposes, she claims the count ended at 25/28/2. I think she included our final fuck, where I almost came two times before finally doing so as having sex three times. That's not the way I do things. Thus 23/26/2 is more accurate. Let me explain. 23 times I orgasmed / 26 times we had sex / 2 times we had anal sex. An even better one would be 23 times I orgasmed / 26 times we had sex / 1 time I orgasmed during anal sex / 2 times we had anal sex / lots of blow jobs, but 0 orgasms. 23/26/1/2/N/0. Shar¡ was 4/4, Abby was 1/2. Total score... 28/32/1/2/N/0.
So when Shar¡ got me, I was a completely unexperienced worthless piece of shit, and had only had sex six times in my life once she had gone. Now I've learned and practiced and could make her oh so happy! Nix the jinx... but I hope so much for just one chance to have sex with her again.............................!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think it would matter!
S - What do you mean?
D - That's when you killed my baby.
Why do you think I was so against you going to Livestock, I thought I had figured out that you were pregnant and knew what would happen! Remember how I kept saying you had to stay for Cord's birthday, yes that's important but obviously wasn't important enough for all of the time I spent trying to convince you not to go. I had other reasons that I was afraid to bring up. If I had "accused" you of being pregnant, and you weren't, I was afraid you'd get pissed at me for some reason and leave me.
When you did leave me on your own, I figured that your important news wasn't that you were pregnant, but that you had found somebody else. That's why it was so easy for me to let you go at the time. It's not until now, over an entire month later that missing you is tearing me to pieces!
The scary thing is, I still find myself forgiving you for everything you do (or everything I think you do) and that scares me. Why am I like that, why do I like you so damn much? I have a bad habit of convincing myself that everything that went wrong with us is entirely my fault. If only I hadn't kept shut up and had talked to you about being pregnant from the start, then everything might be fine... If only I didn't have to leave you in the first place...
Well, I've spent the past month improving my stamina and technique. I just wanted so much for you to be the one that showed me how, but now I ask you to judge me.... he he.
Leigh Anne is trying her hardest to get me back, and I'm accommodating her but I'm not telling her anything or doing anything that I feel is wrong. I constantly refuse to kiss her and deny her pleads for me to let her stay the night with me just to hold me and be there for me through all of my problems. She gave me a cassette of "I miss you" songs that she stayed up Friday night for eight hors making for me, and then gave me a pink rose and foil "I love you" balloon yesterday. I put it in my makeshift vase with the red rose she gave me Monday. She claims they were out of red roses this time around. She also was making a big deal out of things because yesterday would have been our one month anniversary and she was telling me that she had big plans for today back before Thanksgiving Break.
All I have to say is that if she thinks my attitude after only four days back in Tampa was bad, wait until I have to deal with two and a half weeks worth of the bliss. I hope.
Oh yeah, for statistic's purposes, she claims the count ended at 25/28/2. I think she included our final fuck, where I almost came two times before finally doing so as having sex three times. That's not the way I do things. Thus 23/26/2 is more accurate. Let me explain. 23 times I orgasmed / 26 times we had sex / 2 times we had anal sex. An even better one would be 23 times I orgasmed / 26 times we had sex / 1 time I orgasmed during anal sex / 2 times we had anal sex / lots of blow jobs, but 0 orgasms. 23/26/1/2/N/0. Shar¡ was 4/4, Abby was 1/2. Total score... 28/32/1/2/N/0.
So when Shar¡ got me, I was a completely unexperienced worthless piece of shit, and had only had sex six times in my life once she had gone. Now I've learned and practiced and could make her oh so happy! Nix the jinx... but I hope so much for just one chance to have sex with her again.............................!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think it would matter!
Thursday, December 2, 1993
December 2, 1993 - Thursday - Christina does it again
Damn I hate talking to that cunt!!! Every time I talk to Christina, she always fills my head with so much shit that really upsets and depresses me. Even though it's probably the truth and I probably need to start getting over Shar¡ really quick, I just don't want to until I know for sure. I also would like to think that there is a lot of better stuff that Christina doesn't ever tell me, but still.
Well she is sick and wasn't in a very good mood in the first place. She then asked if Shar¡ had written me yet, so I'd assume that she gave Shar¡ my zip code, although I would still very much doubt it. I said no and then started asking her what was up? She said that she doesn't really talk to Shar¡ much right now, and is pissed because Shar¡ always wants to bring Craig along with them when they go out nowadays. I told her that I remembered when she used to get pissed about me being there all of the time. She then was telling me that Shar¡ and Craig are thinking about having another baby... making a total of three in their family. That killed me... but my mind wants to believe that it is something she told Craig in case she has my baby, so he'll think it's his. She also asked me if I remembered how she and Shar¡ used to want to get an apartment together. I said yes, and she said that nowadays it's going to be her and Shar¡ AND Craig. I kind of wonder now if this is all stuff from before Thanksgiving weekend. I hope so.
I told her how I dumped my girlfriend when I got home but didn't fully explain that it was because of what Shar¡ told me. I then told her that I've started "dating" Clint's ex-girlfriend in the past few nights and told her a quick story of how I met Sarah at Busch Gardens just before I met Shar¡. I then said that I never pursued Sarah because I was dating Shar¡. Christina said that going out with Shar¡ was probably the biggest mistake of my life and I said it wasn't because I had fun and was actually happy for a while. I Then asked why I liked Shar¡ so much, and admitted that I still do... just hoping that any of this will get passed on to her.
Well, at least this current bit of horrible news was absorbed quite well by the hope of the possible relationship with Sarah. Without Sarah right now to overshadow Shar¡, I think I would be really depressed and I don't need that right now. Depressed as in upset. And not meaning to jinx anything, but now there's hope that Shar¡ really will send me a letter!!!
And a few final words from Leigh Anne: she gave me that rose on Monday to prove her love for me and how she will stick by my side through anything. Well, the significance of the rose is now this...
I found this alone in a stamped envelope in the mail this morning and it's unfortunate how it moved me not in the least, for it is a rather decent poem.
Well she is sick and wasn't in a very good mood in the first place. She then asked if Shar¡ had written me yet, so I'd assume that she gave Shar¡ my zip code, although I would still very much doubt it. I said no and then started asking her what was up? She said that she doesn't really talk to Shar¡ much right now, and is pissed because Shar¡ always wants to bring Craig along with them when they go out nowadays. I told her that I remembered when she used to get pissed about me being there all of the time. She then was telling me that Shar¡ and Craig are thinking about having another baby... making a total of three in their family. That killed me... but my mind wants to believe that it is something she told Craig in case she has my baby, so he'll think it's his. She also asked me if I remembered how she and Shar¡ used to want to get an apartment together. I said yes, and she said that nowadays it's going to be her and Shar¡ AND Craig. I kind of wonder now if this is all stuff from before Thanksgiving weekend. I hope so.
I told her how I dumped my girlfriend when I got home but didn't fully explain that it was because of what Shar¡ told me. I then told her that I've started "dating" Clint's ex-girlfriend in the past few nights and told her a quick story of how I met Sarah at Busch Gardens just before I met Shar¡. I then said that I never pursued Sarah because I was dating Shar¡. Christina said that going out with Shar¡ was probably the biggest mistake of my life and I said it wasn't because I had fun and was actually happy for a while. I Then asked why I liked Shar¡ so much, and admitted that I still do... just hoping that any of this will get passed on to her.
Well, at least this current bit of horrible news was absorbed quite well by the hope of the possible relationship with Sarah. Without Sarah right now to overshadow Shar¡, I think I would be really depressed and I don't need that right now. Depressed as in upset. And not meaning to jinx anything, but now there's hope that Shar¡ really will send me a letter!!!
And a few final words from Leigh Anne: she gave me that rose on Monday to prove her love for me and how she will stick by my side through anything. Well, the significance of the rose is now this...
The single rose before you,
Resembles what we shared,
So unique and beautiful,
Growing without a care.
Then one day the sun stopped shining,
Our relationship came to an end,
You left me out in the rain,
The rose will never bloom again.
Love hurts sometimes,
That's just how it goes,
But a tear will remain forever,
Upon the single rose.
I found this alone in a stamped envelope in the mail this morning and it's unfortunate how it moved me not in the least, for it is a rather decent poem.
Wednesday, December 1, 1993
December 1, 1993 - Wednesday - Sarah: twice in two!!!
I didn't bother to wake up for biology this morning because I was really tired. Ashley called early to tell me that she wasn't going either, but had to move her car again. She would have wanted me to go with her if I had actually gotten ready, but oh well. Speaking of Ashley, I remember the other night in her room, she finally admitted to everybody that she called me up here from a Seven Eleven down in Brandon one Saturday night. It was pretty funny. She was saying that she got a lot of answering machines before calling me back. I cried that she just picked me because nobody else was home and she said that, on the contrary, I was one of the first people she called but nobody answered! Boy did I feel special!
I dressed up kind of nicely today and donned my glasses as I entered my German class today. I said good morning to Noel who was sitting in the front and stopped to talk to him for a minute. I leant against the teacher's table without any fear of being in front of the class, actually I sometimes like that. There was this really attractive blonde in the back who isn't in the class, just visiting a friend. She asked the girl if I was her teacher and I just found it funny that someone would even mistake little just-turned-nineteen year old me as a teacher. I then enjoyed a really fun talk with Karen and was actually a little perverted with her. She was asking me what kind of doctor I want to be and I said that I'm not sure, maybe an obstetrician. She was surprised that she had wanted to do the same thing at one time until she found out that you must be a gynecologist as well for that field. I was surprised and told her I didn't mind.
We were also joking that someday she'll be the head of a group of doctors, and I'll just be the guy that pushes around the cardiopulmonary resuscitator machine. She laughed and joked at how she'll be the one slapping me around to work harder and faster. I then said that someday I'll advance to a surgeon in her group, and then one day she'll get sick and will be under my knife and I'll remember all of the abuse. We laughed a lot about that nd joked around quite a bit more. Afterwards I walked her to class and told her (bragged!) about the problems that accumulated over the weekend and she was one of the most receptive people that I have told it to. She had already told me in class about how she has a boyfriend and seems dedicated so I didn't mind if I killed any possible interest between us, since it's probably made up in my head. That will probably make our friendship better because she'll know that the interest in her isn't physical, necessarily.
I also told her how I just dumped my girlfriend and she exclaimed that she didn't know I had one!!! I explained to her how I've been dating my next door neighbor for a month since just after I got my letter from Shar¡. She asked if that's the girl she always sees me walking with and I said I don't think so, that's Ashley. She then said that she's just being nosy but I don;t care or mind at all, I actually invite her to be. Today was AIDS awareness day and they set up a tent with a lot of educational displays inside and were having a rally out on the Plaza where all of the alternative freaks hang out. A thought suddenly transgressed through my mind: AIDS ===> sex ===> safe sex ===> condoms ===> free condoms!!! So I headed over and sure enough there were baskets full of free condoms and I grabbed a handful of five and a little red ribbon, to safe face, which I threw away when I was out of eyesight of the ordeal.
I saw a rather attractive girl there and realized that a lot of those hippie freaks are rather attractive and carefree and it might possibly be easy to have sex with them. Hmmm. I want to tell Shar¡ someday that after she left me, I just started fucking for fun, and want to tell her that I don't like it much when I don't care about the person, which is why I want her back so bad. Well, the Plaza, might be a cool way to pick up some chicks. We'll see.
I was sitting in the kitchen talking to Chris later on about girls and had brought up Sarah in our conversation and was telling him a lot of the promising things we told each other last night. He was kind of impressed and I can't wait to show him the pictures of her on Friday. While we were talking, she called!!!!! It took me a few seconds to figure out who it was because she was the last person I expected to call. It was awesome to get two long distance phone calls two days in a row!!!, when there wasn't really anything important to talk about! It was entirely social on her part and I loved that. I went into my room and we talked for forty-five minutes until her mom came home with groceries and she had to go help her. When she got back to the phone, she called me "Hon" and asked me if I'll call her Sunday night, and I said yes, of course.
She was packing for a leadership program in Orlando for HOSA during which she'll be running for state historian. She's local historian at her school. We were being really sweet to each other and were saying how much we like talking top each other. I told her that she made my day by calling and then we talked about each other's day. I told her about my little condom excursion and she laughed and called me a typical male. She has been sick recently and has only been to school about four days of the last three weeks and is really far behind. She said her day was really stressful and on top of that, she dropped her books in the hallway and was really embarrassed.
I was wondering today what her middle name is and I asked her tonight. She said that she isn't going to tell me because hardly anybody knows, not even her little brother. She says that the people who do know always make fun of her and I promised not to, asking when I ever make fun of her. She asked mine and I told her. She finally told me that it is Holm, and explained that it was the maiden name of one of her mother's best friends. Sarah was born on this woman's birthday as well. She is named after her grandmother on her mom's side as well. She then told me that she did mail me my pictures this morning but didn't get a chance to write anything on them!!! That's cool and I made a big deal out of it to her. It's funny how I can show my excitement so easily to her and actually tell her some of my ulterior motives in reference to her. I've never been able to tell a girl stuff like that before.
For example: we started talking about how we met on the first day. It had rained and she said that for the first time in her life, some drunk guy said, "Nice headlights!' and she actually thanked him!!! She didn't realize what he meant and had to ask Amanda and was really embarrassed when she found out the guy was talking about her nipples! I then brought up how I went and got her popcorn that day and she remembered that well and started laughing! She said that she thought I had gotten that for her friend, and I said no that I was actually trying to figure out how to try and hit on her, but I couldn't say that then because it might have gotten to Clint and come back to haunt me. She said that it was really good popcorn and I said that it was the best that I could do since I was working and didn't have many options available to me. It was a really cool conversation. I then told her how I didn't think she'd call back that first time when I gave her my phone number and so on.
At the beginning I exclaimed that I thought I was supposed to call her back, and she said that she wanted to do so first!!! That was cool, too. She also told me how she hasn't completely told this guy in the Navy that she's dumping him but she knows for sure that she doesn't want anything to do with him anymore, she doesn't write to him or call him. He can't call her because his superior officers won't let him. She just asked me what a good way would be to get rid of him for good, nicely. I told her to tell him that she's a lesbian and she joked that she is! I then told her to hurt him good because that will teach him to be a little more careful in future references. my advice ended up being really good I think.
Well, once again we had a beautiful talk over the phone and I'm convinced more than ever that the hopes for the two of us are very strong. My group of fab four from the summer seem to be jumping back into my life right now stronger than ever: Shar¡, Sarah, Carey Ann, and Laura!!! Those few days of work at Busch Gardens impacted my life so strongly that it often amazes me, even more the longer and stronger the relationships get!
Kostas called Dave a little while ago down in Tampa and told him that I'm working on girlfriend number three!!! and was bragging a lot about me. He was saying that I'm the man nowadays and am getting all of the women. He also told Dave how I viscously and ruthlessly destroyed the next door neighbor, despite the sex! He then told him that I told Leigh Anne that I never meant anything that I told her and that everything was physical, and I don't need her anymore. He was doing a lot to glamorize my situation and did a damn good job. I felt proud and was loving every second of the attention. Go me. At least now I can be happy again!!! Even without Shar¡, either Kimmeth or Sarah can make me so happy right now!!!
I dressed up kind of nicely today and donned my glasses as I entered my German class today. I said good morning to Noel who was sitting in the front and stopped to talk to him for a minute. I leant against the teacher's table without any fear of being in front of the class, actually I sometimes like that. There was this really attractive blonde in the back who isn't in the class, just visiting a friend. She asked the girl if I was her teacher and I just found it funny that someone would even mistake little just-turned-nineteen year old me as a teacher. I then enjoyed a really fun talk with Karen and was actually a little perverted with her. She was asking me what kind of doctor I want to be and I said that I'm not sure, maybe an obstetrician. She was surprised that she had wanted to do the same thing at one time until she found out that you must be a gynecologist as well for that field. I was surprised and told her I didn't mind.
We were also joking that someday she'll be the head of a group of doctors, and I'll just be the guy that pushes around the cardiopulmonary resuscitator machine. She laughed and joked at how she'll be the one slapping me around to work harder and faster. I then said that someday I'll advance to a surgeon in her group, and then one day she'll get sick and will be under my knife and I'll remember all of the abuse. We laughed a lot about that nd joked around quite a bit more. Afterwards I walked her to class and told her (bragged!) about the problems that accumulated over the weekend and she was one of the most receptive people that I have told it to. She had already told me in class about how she has a boyfriend and seems dedicated so I didn't mind if I killed any possible interest between us, since it's probably made up in my head. That will probably make our friendship better because she'll know that the interest in her isn't physical, necessarily.
I also told her how I just dumped my girlfriend and she exclaimed that she didn't know I had one!!! I explained to her how I've been dating my next door neighbor for a month since just after I got my letter from Shar¡. She asked if that's the girl she always sees me walking with and I said I don't think so, that's Ashley. She then said that she's just being nosy but I don;t care or mind at all, I actually invite her to be. Today was AIDS awareness day and they set up a tent with a lot of educational displays inside and were having a rally out on the Plaza where all of the alternative freaks hang out. A thought suddenly transgressed through my mind: AIDS ===> sex ===> safe sex ===> condoms ===> free condoms!!! So I headed over and sure enough there were baskets full of free condoms and I grabbed a handful of five and a little red ribbon, to safe face, which I threw away when I was out of eyesight of the ordeal.
I saw a rather attractive girl there and realized that a lot of those hippie freaks are rather attractive and carefree and it might possibly be easy to have sex with them. Hmmm. I want to tell Shar¡ someday that after she left me, I just started fucking for fun, and want to tell her that I don't like it much when I don't care about the person, which is why I want her back so bad. Well, the Plaza, might be a cool way to pick up some chicks. We'll see.
I was sitting in the kitchen talking to Chris later on about girls and had brought up Sarah in our conversation and was telling him a lot of the promising things we told each other last night. He was kind of impressed and I can't wait to show him the pictures of her on Friday. While we were talking, she called!!!!! It took me a few seconds to figure out who it was because she was the last person I expected to call. It was awesome to get two long distance phone calls two days in a row!!!, when there wasn't really anything important to talk about! It was entirely social on her part and I loved that. I went into my room and we talked for forty-five minutes until her mom came home with groceries and she had to go help her. When she got back to the phone, she called me "Hon" and asked me if I'll call her Sunday night, and I said yes, of course.
She was packing for a leadership program in Orlando for HOSA during which she'll be running for state historian. She's local historian at her school. We were being really sweet to each other and were saying how much we like talking top each other. I told her that she made my day by calling and then we talked about each other's day. I told her about my little condom excursion and she laughed and called me a typical male. She has been sick recently and has only been to school about four days of the last three weeks and is really far behind. She said her day was really stressful and on top of that, she dropped her books in the hallway and was really embarrassed.
I was wondering today what her middle name is and I asked her tonight. She said that she isn't going to tell me because hardly anybody knows, not even her little brother. She says that the people who do know always make fun of her and I promised not to, asking when I ever make fun of her. She asked mine and I told her. She finally told me that it is Holm, and explained that it was the maiden name of one of her mother's best friends. Sarah was born on this woman's birthday as well. She is named after her grandmother on her mom's side as well. She then told me that she did mail me my pictures this morning but didn't get a chance to write anything on them!!! That's cool and I made a big deal out of it to her. It's funny how I can show my excitement so easily to her and actually tell her some of my ulterior motives in reference to her. I've never been able to tell a girl stuff like that before.
For example: we started talking about how we met on the first day. It had rained and she said that for the first time in her life, some drunk guy said, "Nice headlights!' and she actually thanked him!!! She didn't realize what he meant and had to ask Amanda and was really embarrassed when she found out the guy was talking about her nipples! I then brought up how I went and got her popcorn that day and she remembered that well and started laughing! She said that she thought I had gotten that for her friend, and I said no that I was actually trying to figure out how to try and hit on her, but I couldn't say that then because it might have gotten to Clint and come back to haunt me. She said that it was really good popcorn and I said that it was the best that I could do since I was working and didn't have many options available to me. It was a really cool conversation. I then told her how I didn't think she'd call back that first time when I gave her my phone number and so on.
At the beginning I exclaimed that I thought I was supposed to call her back, and she said that she wanted to do so first!!! That was cool, too. She also told me how she hasn't completely told this guy in the Navy that she's dumping him but she knows for sure that she doesn't want anything to do with him anymore, she doesn't write to him or call him. He can't call her because his superior officers won't let him. She just asked me what a good way would be to get rid of him for good, nicely. I told her to tell him that she's a lesbian and she joked that she is! I then told her to hurt him good because that will teach him to be a little more careful in future references. my advice ended up being really good I think.
Well, once again we had a beautiful talk over the phone and I'm convinced more than ever that the hopes for the two of us are very strong. My group of fab four from the summer seem to be jumping back into my life right now stronger than ever: Shar¡, Sarah, Carey Ann, and Laura!!! Those few days of work at Busch Gardens impacted my life so strongly that it often amazes me, even more the longer and stronger the relationships get!
Kostas called Dave a little while ago down in Tampa and told him that I'm working on girlfriend number three!!! and was bragging a lot about me. He was saying that I'm the man nowadays and am getting all of the women. He also told Dave how I viscously and ruthlessly destroyed the next door neighbor, despite the sex! He then told him that I told Leigh Anne that I never meant anything that I told her and that everything was physical, and I don't need her anymore. He was doing a lot to glamorize my situation and did a damn good job. I felt proud and was loving every second of the attention. Go me. At least now I can be happy again!!! Even without Shar¡, either Kimmeth or Sarah can make me so happy right now!!!
Tuesday, November 30, 1993
November 30, 1993 - Tuesday - Leigh Anne on her ass!!!
I finally consented to having sex again with Leigh Anne but I made her do all of the work. I sat in a chair while she gave me a long blow job and sucked my balls into her mouth. She told me that she never used to like putting a guys penis in her mouth but for some reason she loves doing it to me! I still felt like shit for having such low willpower that I didn't dump her on her ass Sunday night like I so much wanted to. I then dreamt about Shar¡ and was restless all night long. It's so weird how I'll dream a conversation that I know is coming and how exactly my mind perceives what will happen. I then couldn't get Shar¡ out of my mind all day long, not that I wanted to though.
But Leigh Anne had promised that she would stay by my side through this whole deal because she loves me so much and would never walk out on me like she would have in the old days. She did tell me that throughout the night she kept wanting to kill Shar¡ for trying to screw up OUR lives. She even surprised me with a single wrapped rose! That was a really sweet and unexpected gesture. I then was being really nice to her after she got home from a little religion seminar and was hanging out with her in her room and talking with all of her roommates. I was especially talking to Michelle, for she has her Phi Eta Sigma inductions Wednesday night and I'd like to go with her, explaining that I might meet up with Greta again! Michelle said that Leigh Anne would probably come with us if I went, though. We also looked at yearbooks and I was picking out attractive girls from Leigh Anne's senior class, and letting her tell me if my taste was good or bad.
Cecil then knocked on the door since nobody was in my room and I went home with him to tell him all about my weekend and about Shar¡. There was even a message that Sarah from Tampa had called!!! We had played phone tag all weekend and still haven't gotten a hold of one another. After Cecil and I had talked for a while, Leigh Anne called me and bitched about when I was coming back and why I had left her for so long. I told her in a few minutes. Ashley then called and was all excited about a dance that Laura and Jana had made up so Cecil and I headed down to their room. We all talked and had a merry time for about an hour. We were all being really silly and I was trying to hit on Laura a bit. Ashley really seemed to be hanging all over me and some pretty raunchy jokes were exchanged. It was a lot of fun. We even all inspected a bottle of tequila but nobody was willing to drink any of it. It had been Jamee's when he came down for Gator Growl.
Jana and Laura were in their pajamas and were kind of embarrassed about doing their dance in front of a stranger, but we eventually convinced them to. It was a really funny portrayal of The Twelve Days of Christmas. They were proud about wiggling their tongues outside of their mouths as they walked around like birds (French hens!). It was really funny and Ashley was standing on the fouton behind me hiding her head on my shoulder because we were laughing so hard. It was great, but Cecil kind of thinks they're strange. Ashley and I decided to get up at seven thirty this morning and go park her car out in the garage and then find out our biology exam scores. We said goodbye and then headed back upstairs where Cecil and I talked for a while more.
Leigh Anne stopped by and seemed pissed since I had been gone for an hour and a half when I said I'd be right over and said we needed to talk. Cecil offered to go apologize to her and say that it was his fault but I told him not to, and he soon took off to go study. Leigh Anne then came over and bitched at me. I told her that I hadn't planned on being long and she asked why I didn't call. I said I don't know her phone number and didn't really find it that important! I had warned her the night before not to fuck with me so soon after my talk with Shar¡, but she did anyway. So I dumped her. I tried to hurt her as hard as I could without making it look like I ever did anything wrong! I told Chris what all was said afterwards, because he was on the phone with Marty, and he was shocked at how mean I was and said that he has never even come close to being as harsh as I was to that girl, but if I was going to do it to somebody, she's was the best one for it.
I thought it was cool because I have never dumped anyone before, I have always been the dumpee, so I was out to destroy her. It was also really sudden for her.... ha ha!!! She also really pissed me off by saying that she is hurt that I run around bragging to everybody about getting Shar¡ pregnant like I am proud of it. I quickly made her feel lie shit when I told her only she, Cecil, Chris, and Ashley even know. She was surprised that I hadn't even told Jon. I bitched her out that I wasn't going to stop my friendships for her or anyone. She also said once that she doesn't understand because she gave me everything emotionally and physically that she could, and even would have raised the little shithead with me, saying she has to love it because it's part me. Well that pissed me off and I told her that she just ended any hope of us ever getting back together by saying that.
She cried the whole time and kept trying to hold me but I pushed her away. She was playing with a little noisemaker and I knew she'd eventually throw it at me, so I was ready when she did. She then tried to start hitting and scratching me so I threw her down into a chair pretty forcefully and then left her there by herself. She later decided that she wasn't going to give up this easily and wasn't going to leave me because she knows I really need her to be with me right now. She then climbed into my bed. I then pulled out the big guns and told her that I still love Shar¡ and would go back to her in a heartbeat even I she's not pregnant. That worked marvelously!!!!! Chris told me later that she came crying to him out in the stairway where he was on the phone and wanted to talk to him.
She eventually opened our door again and wanted to talk. I agreed but pointed out the door as she tried to walk in and made her talk out in the hallway. I told her there are no more chances for us and kind of let her think it was her fault for sparking me off by bitching. She was then saying that she'd forgive me if only I wouldn't give up on us, because this is the best thing that's happened to her in a long time and so on. She slowly was moving toward me to try and kiss me and get me back so I hurt her again and as she rolled against the wall, crying, I grabbed her blanket and pillows from inside the room and dropped them at her feet. I then walked back into my room for good!!! I was so proud of myself!!! I finally stuck up for myself. I want to tell Shar¡ that I dumped the girl I was dating and stopped having sex as soon as she scared me on my birthday... and now I can.
I then let Jon in on the whole weekend and later talked to Chris about it. Now I might just play confessor to Ashley and Laura by saying that I've made mistakes and want to make my life good again and so on. I might still be able to make amends and get Laura yet!!! It also felt so awesome to sleep alone again, spread out across my bed. It used to feel so good sleeping with Shar¡, but I compared Leigh Anne to having to share a bed with Ed to Chris earlier today and we laughed.
I did run out with Ashley early this morning and we stopped for our grades. I pulled out an awesome 164 out of 200!!! That pulled my compiled scores to higher than Ashley's and rather high compared to the majority of the class. I saved my ass!!!
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I had just finished dinner a little while ago as Jeopardy ended and was washing the dishes I had used when the phone rang. I was afraid it might be Leigh Anne again so I planned on making it quick. To my surprise, it was Sarah!!! I instantly recognized her voice and we started catching up on things right away. She was sorry that she didn't get to talk to me at home but she was in Ocala over the weekend. Just the fact that she was talking to me long distance proved to me she cares. Well, we ended up having an awesome talk and she seems to think about me so much more than I would have thought.
I told her about my weekend including my little illegal ID deal at Busch Gardens, and the story of my trip up to Gainesville for the football game. She was really impressed that I had front row tickets. I told her about my birthday being Wednesday and she said that she was sorry and hoped it was a good one. I told her not to be sorry because I really didn't tell her and she agreed that I did only say so once. Her birthday is July 29th, a day after Chrissy's. She asked me when I am coming home next and I told her the 17th. She said that is the same day she gets out of school and that we'll definitely have to see each other this time around. She got a job at Busch Gardens as well through school and put in for operations but doesn't know what she's got yet. That'll be really cool if we work together over the break.
She then told me that I'll have a letter waiting for me when I get home for Christmas. I asked how, and she said that her mother ran my phone number through the police department's computer and got my address!!! She also tried to do it for my address up here in Gainesville, but it doesn't work out of county. We talked about our ages for a few minutes and I let her know that I think the difference between ours is really minimal. I told her how much older she looked the last time I saw her,a nd she excitedly told me that she looks a lot different now! I was afraid for a second that she was going to say she cut it, or colored it, but she quickly told me that it's getting long and straight. I told her that's really good and she wants to send me pictures and was going to mail them with my letter. I gave her my address up here and told her to still mail the letter home, but mail the pictures up here.
Well, she said she'll put some awesome pictures of her in the mail tomorrow morning before school so I'll get them by the end of the week. I told her I'll pin them up and show them off to everybody to make all of the girls up here jealous and she liked that. I then told her how I had been dating this girl and how I dumped her just last night. She remembers meeting the neighbors and wanted to know which one. She even remembers Ed as being the guy that lives with his girlfriend and rides a bike. I was very impressed and told her so. Well, I explained that I know I don't want to spend my life with this girl and instead of wasting both her and my time, I got rid of her. I told her how harsh I was, and also how it was the first time I've ever done the dumping. I then joked that I shouldn't be telling her this (because I'd hate for her to think I'm this way if we ever go out) and she got the idea and we laughed.
We also talked about school and what she wants to do after high school and how our classes and stuff are right now. I asked her about volleyball and she said they kicked ass this season, losing only two games, but she stopped running cross country. We also asked each other where we live, and she lives in North Tampa pretty close to USF off of Bruce B. Downs Ave. We talked about her little visit up here before and she apologized again for acting the way she did when she was here.
I then regressed further as we talked about the day we first met. She said that she really looked like crap that day, and I said that she actually looked pretty cute. I was saying how I was standing out in front of the Python in the rain when I met her, and I remember her in a white shirt. It was funny. I then told her how funny it is that the last time I saw her was only the second time we had ever seen each other, but we talk on the phone like we've known each other forever. It's really cool yet pretty weird and she fully agrees. She told me how she herself had been dating some guy from the Navy recently who started getting way too possessive who wanted to marry her. She said that she tore at his heart and she ruthlessly dumped him and I see it really good that we have told each other and both made it clear that we are single now!!!
She is going on a trip to Europe over the summer and I suddenly complained that I won't get to see her and how Tampa just won't be the same. I justified myself that it's fun to kiss ass and that was funny. She then relieved me by saying it will only be for nineteen days and then I'll have her back!!! Hurrah!!! Her mom came in the room and Sarah told her that it was me and her mom said hello to me!!! That was pretty cool, too! She also complained that she has a pretty big phone bill, and a lot of it is from that sailor guy. We agreed that it sucks to have to pay for a phone bill once you know a relationship is over for good. She also was asking me if I know for sure that Leigh Anne and I won't be getting back together and I said that is definite! I liked the concern she showed!!!
After I had given her my address up here earlier, I said, "All right...," like it might be time to go and she told me that I'm not going to leave her yet! that was cool as she told me that she still wants to talk to me for a while. I told her that she shouldn't talk to me for so long if she is broke and worried about her phone bill and she quickly told me that it's very OK, especially when it's me she's talking to!!! She then said she's sorry and I asked why!, and said that we're actually complimenting each other and then apologizing for it. We laughed a lot and she said that sometimes people just don't like such compliments. Hell yes I do!!! She was thinking about when she was going to call me back again, and I told her that I will call her and she was kind of surprised and really happy to hear me say so. I think this can definitely be good! I just must be dead careful not to get her pregnant because of age...
When I got off the phone, Chris had gotten all excited that I was talking to Sarah, for he remembered her as the gorgeous sixteen year old. Jon was there and Cecil started giving me all kinds of compliments about how I have all of the girls nowadays and have become the big stud. He said he idolizes me and wanted to kiss my hand after bowing to me. He was being completely serious about what he was saying though. It really is quite impressive, I guess, and I am glad to have all of the attention. Poor Dave.
But Leigh Anne had promised that she would stay by my side through this whole deal because she loves me so much and would never walk out on me like she would have in the old days. She did tell me that throughout the night she kept wanting to kill Shar¡ for trying to screw up OUR lives. She even surprised me with a single wrapped rose! That was a really sweet and unexpected gesture. I then was being really nice to her after she got home from a little religion seminar and was hanging out with her in her room and talking with all of her roommates. I was especially talking to Michelle, for she has her Phi Eta Sigma inductions Wednesday night and I'd like to go with her, explaining that I might meet up with Greta again! Michelle said that Leigh Anne would probably come with us if I went, though. We also looked at yearbooks and I was picking out attractive girls from Leigh Anne's senior class, and letting her tell me if my taste was good or bad.
Cecil then knocked on the door since nobody was in my room and I went home with him to tell him all about my weekend and about Shar¡. There was even a message that Sarah from Tampa had called!!! We had played phone tag all weekend and still haven't gotten a hold of one another. After Cecil and I had talked for a while, Leigh Anne called me and bitched about when I was coming back and why I had left her for so long. I told her in a few minutes. Ashley then called and was all excited about a dance that Laura and Jana had made up so Cecil and I headed down to their room. We all talked and had a merry time for about an hour. We were all being really silly and I was trying to hit on Laura a bit. Ashley really seemed to be hanging all over me and some pretty raunchy jokes were exchanged. It was a lot of fun. We even all inspected a bottle of tequila but nobody was willing to drink any of it. It had been Jamee's when he came down for Gator Growl.
Jana and Laura were in their pajamas and were kind of embarrassed about doing their dance in front of a stranger, but we eventually convinced them to. It was a really funny portrayal of The Twelve Days of Christmas. They were proud about wiggling their tongues outside of their mouths as they walked around like birds (French hens!). It was really funny and Ashley was standing on the fouton behind me hiding her head on my shoulder because we were laughing so hard. It was great, but Cecil kind of thinks they're strange. Ashley and I decided to get up at seven thirty this morning and go park her car out in the garage and then find out our biology exam scores. We said goodbye and then headed back upstairs where Cecil and I talked for a while more.
Leigh Anne stopped by and seemed pissed since I had been gone for an hour and a half when I said I'd be right over and said we needed to talk. Cecil offered to go apologize to her and say that it was his fault but I told him not to, and he soon took off to go study. Leigh Anne then came over and bitched at me. I told her that I hadn't planned on being long and she asked why I didn't call. I said I don't know her phone number and didn't really find it that important! I had warned her the night before not to fuck with me so soon after my talk with Shar¡, but she did anyway. So I dumped her. I tried to hurt her as hard as I could without making it look like I ever did anything wrong! I told Chris what all was said afterwards, because he was on the phone with Marty, and he was shocked at how mean I was and said that he has never even come close to being as harsh as I was to that girl, but if I was going to do it to somebody, she's was the best one for it.
I thought it was cool because I have never dumped anyone before, I have always been the dumpee, so I was out to destroy her. It was also really sudden for her.... ha ha!!! She also really pissed me off by saying that she is hurt that I run around bragging to everybody about getting Shar¡ pregnant like I am proud of it. I quickly made her feel lie shit when I told her only she, Cecil, Chris, and Ashley even know. She was surprised that I hadn't even told Jon. I bitched her out that I wasn't going to stop my friendships for her or anyone. She also said once that she doesn't understand because she gave me everything emotionally and physically that she could, and even would have raised the little shithead with me, saying she has to love it because it's part me. Well that pissed me off and I told her that she just ended any hope of us ever getting back together by saying that.
She cried the whole time and kept trying to hold me but I pushed her away. She was playing with a little noisemaker and I knew she'd eventually throw it at me, so I was ready when she did. She then tried to start hitting and scratching me so I threw her down into a chair pretty forcefully and then left her there by herself. She later decided that she wasn't going to give up this easily and wasn't going to leave me because she knows I really need her to be with me right now. She then climbed into my bed. I then pulled out the big guns and told her that I still love Shar¡ and would go back to her in a heartbeat even I she's not pregnant. That worked marvelously!!!!! Chris told me later that she came crying to him out in the stairway where he was on the phone and wanted to talk to him.
She eventually opened our door again and wanted to talk. I agreed but pointed out the door as she tried to walk in and made her talk out in the hallway. I told her there are no more chances for us and kind of let her think it was her fault for sparking me off by bitching. She was then saying that she'd forgive me if only I wouldn't give up on us, because this is the best thing that's happened to her in a long time and so on. She slowly was moving toward me to try and kiss me and get me back so I hurt her again and as she rolled against the wall, crying, I grabbed her blanket and pillows from inside the room and dropped them at her feet. I then walked back into my room for good!!! I was so proud of myself!!! I finally stuck up for myself. I want to tell Shar¡ that I dumped the girl I was dating and stopped having sex as soon as she scared me on my birthday... and now I can.
I then let Jon in on the whole weekend and later talked to Chris about it. Now I might just play confessor to Ashley and Laura by saying that I've made mistakes and want to make my life good again and so on. I might still be able to make amends and get Laura yet!!! It also felt so awesome to sleep alone again, spread out across my bed. It used to feel so good sleeping with Shar¡, but I compared Leigh Anne to having to share a bed with Ed to Chris earlier today and we laughed.
I did run out with Ashley early this morning and we stopped for our grades. I pulled out an awesome 164 out of 200!!! That pulled my compiled scores to higher than Ashley's and rather high compared to the majority of the class. I saved my ass!!!
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I had just finished dinner a little while ago as Jeopardy ended and was washing the dishes I had used when the phone rang. I was afraid it might be Leigh Anne again so I planned on making it quick. To my surprise, it was Sarah!!! I instantly recognized her voice and we started catching up on things right away. She was sorry that she didn't get to talk to me at home but she was in Ocala over the weekend. Just the fact that she was talking to me long distance proved to me she cares. Well, we ended up having an awesome talk and she seems to think about me so much more than I would have thought.
I told her about my weekend including my little illegal ID deal at Busch Gardens, and the story of my trip up to Gainesville for the football game. She was really impressed that I had front row tickets. I told her about my birthday being Wednesday and she said that she was sorry and hoped it was a good one. I told her not to be sorry because I really didn't tell her and she agreed that I did only say so once. Her birthday is July 29th, a day after Chrissy's. She asked me when I am coming home next and I told her the 17th. She said that is the same day she gets out of school and that we'll definitely have to see each other this time around. She got a job at Busch Gardens as well through school and put in for operations but doesn't know what she's got yet. That'll be really cool if we work together over the break.
She then told me that I'll have a letter waiting for me when I get home for Christmas. I asked how, and she said that her mother ran my phone number through the police department's computer and got my address!!! She also tried to do it for my address up here in Gainesville, but it doesn't work out of county. We talked about our ages for a few minutes and I let her know that I think the difference between ours is really minimal. I told her how much older she looked the last time I saw her,a nd she excitedly told me that she looks a lot different now! I was afraid for a second that she was going to say she cut it, or colored it, but she quickly told me that it's getting long and straight. I told her that's really good and she wants to send me pictures and was going to mail them with my letter. I gave her my address up here and told her to still mail the letter home, but mail the pictures up here.
Well, she said she'll put some awesome pictures of her in the mail tomorrow morning before school so I'll get them by the end of the week. I told her I'll pin them up and show them off to everybody to make all of the girls up here jealous and she liked that. I then told her how I had been dating this girl and how I dumped her just last night. She remembers meeting the neighbors and wanted to know which one. She even remembers Ed as being the guy that lives with his girlfriend and rides a bike. I was very impressed and told her so. Well, I explained that I know I don't want to spend my life with this girl and instead of wasting both her and my time, I got rid of her. I told her how harsh I was, and also how it was the first time I've ever done the dumping. I then joked that I shouldn't be telling her this (because I'd hate for her to think I'm this way if we ever go out) and she got the idea and we laughed.
We also talked about school and what she wants to do after high school and how our classes and stuff are right now. I asked her about volleyball and she said they kicked ass this season, losing only two games, but she stopped running cross country. We also asked each other where we live, and she lives in North Tampa pretty close to USF off of Bruce B. Downs Ave. We talked about her little visit up here before and she apologized again for acting the way she did when she was here.
I then regressed further as we talked about the day we first met. She said that she really looked like crap that day, and I said that she actually looked pretty cute. I was saying how I was standing out in front of the Python in the rain when I met her, and I remember her in a white shirt. It was funny. I then told her how funny it is that the last time I saw her was only the second time we had ever seen each other, but we talk on the phone like we've known each other forever. It's really cool yet pretty weird and she fully agrees. She told me how she herself had been dating some guy from the Navy recently who started getting way too possessive who wanted to marry her. She said that she tore at his heart and she ruthlessly dumped him and I see it really good that we have told each other and both made it clear that we are single now!!!
She is going on a trip to Europe over the summer and I suddenly complained that I won't get to see her and how Tampa just won't be the same. I justified myself that it's fun to kiss ass and that was funny. She then relieved me by saying it will only be for nineteen days and then I'll have her back!!! Hurrah!!! Her mom came in the room and Sarah told her that it was me and her mom said hello to me!!! That was pretty cool, too! She also complained that she has a pretty big phone bill, and a lot of it is from that sailor guy. We agreed that it sucks to have to pay for a phone bill once you know a relationship is over for good. She also was asking me if I know for sure that Leigh Anne and I won't be getting back together and I said that is definite! I liked the concern she showed!!!
After I had given her my address up here earlier, I said, "All right...," like it might be time to go and she told me that I'm not going to leave her yet! that was cool as she told me that she still wants to talk to me for a while. I told her that she shouldn't talk to me for so long if she is broke and worried about her phone bill and she quickly told me that it's very OK, especially when it's me she's talking to!!! She then said she's sorry and I asked why!, and said that we're actually complimenting each other and then apologizing for it. We laughed a lot and she said that sometimes people just don't like such compliments. Hell yes I do!!! She was thinking about when she was going to call me back again, and I told her that I will call her and she was kind of surprised and really happy to hear me say so. I think this can definitely be good! I just must be dead careful not to get her pregnant because of age...
When I got off the phone, Chris had gotten all excited that I was talking to Sarah, for he remembered her as the gorgeous sixteen year old. Jon was there and Cecil started giving me all kinds of compliments about how I have all of the girls nowadays and have become the big stud. He said he idolizes me and wanted to kiss my hand after bowing to me. He was being completely serious about what he was saying though. It really is quite impressive, I guess, and I am glad to have all of the attention. Poor Dave.
Monday, November 29, 1993
November 29, 1993 - Monday - All find out about Shar¡
What a fucking insane weekend!!! I don't think I've ever had a more eventful period of days in a long time, and definitely not as drastic.
I tried one last desperate attempt to get my message to Shar¡ yesterday morning by leaving my zip code with Christina early in the morning before we left for Gainesville. I told her I was calling to say goodbye, but had many ulterior motives. It sucked to find out that what Shar¡'s dad had said is true, there is no telephone at Craig's house. Damn! I also found out that CraIg has a (ugly!) little boy of his own!!! I also let Christina know that Shar¡ had indeed told me the truth so that Christina would hopefully take me serious enough to really give Shar¡ my zip code. Christina said that she had told Shar¡ that she was wrong for not wanting to tell me and so forth. I just pray the message gets to Shar¡.
I then drove with Father up to Granny's and spent the middle of the day there. We had a small lunch and she gave me a birthday card with twenty-five dollars! I then drove the rest of the way to Gainesville where we pulled the battery out of my car to let it recharge in the dorm while we went grocery shopping. I spent most of the forty dollars my family gave me for my little birthday grocery shopping spree. We then jumped my car and returned it to working order although the battery didn't charge enough to recrank the car. Father plans on letting me drive it home at Christmas while he follows behind me so I can use it to drive to work.
I really wasn't looking forward to Leigh Anne showing up last night because I figured I'd have to dump her and send her home. I knew it would be a big mess when I did. She didn't show up until midnight and I had already been sleeping for a long time. I couldn't say no when she did arrive and despite all of my feelings and heart screaming for me to stop, we had sex. She gave me a killer blow job and I. This time I hurt her and didn't give a shit that I did.
She then kept asking me what my news was that I found out at home. I went and got my plastic fetus and told her that Shar¡ had given this to me. She has heard the joke often enough and did find it funny this time either, until my persistence forced her to realize that I was being completely serious. I told her the entire story of my going over to see Shar¡ at Christina's apartment and so forth. She cried but then gathered herself and wants us still to always be together despite this, no matter what happens. She asked me later if I had been surprised at how she handled it and I most definitely was. She said that was the old Leigh Anne that would have stomped out pissed but she loves me far too much to ever do that! I was definitely impressed. I just wanted her to realize that being with me might include a baby by my side.
That was a weird thought after I had time to think about it because although I know Shar¡ would never give up a baby of her own, I still wondered what it would be like to be single with our baby. I know that I could have it taken away from her if I wanted to, for her abuse of drugs alone. But, and hopefully Leigh Anne won't read this although I really think she should, I want far more for Shar¡ and I to get back together and live... I slept very restlessly all night tossing and turning. I kept dreaming about Shar¡ as my mind tried to figure out what will and what it wants to happen to my life. I then could not get her out of my mind all day long, no matter what I tried. Leigh Anne told me this morning that all night she had horrible thoughts going through her mind about wanting so bad to kill Shar¡, and she has never felt that way about anybody before. She says that Shar¡ knows exactly what she was doing by telling me since I am not like other guys and she knew that she could "control" me.
I told Gina about my ordeal in my German culture class and then headed home early so I could catch Chris as he got home. I dumped all of my problems on him and he was shocked about how things turned out like I had thought. I wondered a little while ago if Shar¡ knew that she could get pregnant that weekend, for she did tell me that she and Michael planned Cord, but all that means is that they had sex unprotected constantly. But how did she never get pregnant again??? She has to at least have an idea about how not to get pregnant because she didn't for a pretty long time and I seriously doubt she used condoms while she was with Michael, or afterwards because I'm sure she would have asked me to use one. I also seriously doubt she was ever on the pill, why would she have quit since she probably could have it paid for by the state. in other words my psychotic mind wonders if perhaps she tried to plan it for a fleeting instant. I know the thought has crossed my mind, just to try to snatch and keep the other person. I don't know?
I tried one last desperate attempt to get my message to Shar¡ yesterday morning by leaving my zip code with Christina early in the morning before we left for Gainesville. I told her I was calling to say goodbye, but had many ulterior motives. It sucked to find out that what Shar¡'s dad had said is true, there is no telephone at Craig's house. Damn! I also found out that CraIg has a (ugly!) little boy of his own!!! I also let Christina know that Shar¡ had indeed told me the truth so that Christina would hopefully take me serious enough to really give Shar¡ my zip code. Christina said that she had told Shar¡ that she was wrong for not wanting to tell me and so forth. I just pray the message gets to Shar¡.
I then drove with Father up to Granny's and spent the middle of the day there. We had a small lunch and she gave me a birthday card with twenty-five dollars! I then drove the rest of the way to Gainesville where we pulled the battery out of my car to let it recharge in the dorm while we went grocery shopping. I spent most of the forty dollars my family gave me for my little birthday grocery shopping spree. We then jumped my car and returned it to working order although the battery didn't charge enough to recrank the car. Father plans on letting me drive it home at Christmas while he follows behind me so I can use it to drive to work.
I really wasn't looking forward to Leigh Anne showing up last night because I figured I'd have to dump her and send her home. I knew it would be a big mess when I did. She didn't show up until midnight and I had already been sleeping for a long time. I couldn't say no when she did arrive and despite all of my feelings and heart screaming for me to stop, we had sex. She gave me a killer blow job and I
She then kept asking me what my news was that I found out at home. I went and got my plastic fetus and told her that Shar¡ had given this to me. She has heard the joke often enough and did find it funny this time either, until my persistence forced her to realize that I was being completely serious. I told her the entire story of my going over to see Shar¡ at Christina's apartment and so forth. She cried but then gathered herself and wants us still to always be together despite this, no matter what happens. She asked me later if I had been surprised at how she handled it and I most definitely was. She said that was the old Leigh Anne that would have stomped out pissed but she loves me far too much to ever do that! I was definitely impressed. I just wanted her to realize that being with me might include a baby by my side.
That was a weird thought after I had time to think about it because although I know Shar¡ would never give up a baby of her own, I still wondered what it would be like to be single with our baby. I know that I could have it taken away from her if I wanted to, for her abuse of drugs alone. But, and hopefully Leigh Anne won't read this although I really think she should, I want far more for Shar¡ and I to get back together and live... I slept very restlessly all night tossing and turning. I kept dreaming about Shar¡ as my mind tried to figure out what will and what it wants to happen to my life. I then could not get her out of my mind all day long, no matter what I tried. Leigh Anne told me this morning that all night she had horrible thoughts going through her mind about wanting so bad to kill Shar¡, and she has never felt that way about anybody before. She says that Shar¡ knows exactly what she was doing by telling me since I am not like other guys and she knew that she could "control" me.
I told Gina about my ordeal in my German culture class and then headed home early so I could catch Chris as he got home. I dumped all of my problems on him and he was shocked about how things turned out like I had thought. I wondered a little while ago if Shar¡ knew that she could get pregnant that weekend, for she did tell me that she and Michael planned Cord, but all that means is that they had sex unprotected constantly. But how did she never get pregnant again??? She has to at least have an idea about how not to get pregnant because she didn't for a pretty long time and I seriously doubt she used condoms while she was with Michael, or afterwards because I'm sure she would have asked me to use one. I also seriously doubt she was ever on the pill, why would she have quit since she probably could have it paid for by the state. in other words my psychotic mind wonders if perhaps she tried to plan it for a fleeting instant. I know the thought has crossed my mind, just to try to snatch and keep the other person. I don't know?
Thursday, November 25, 1993
November 25, 1993 - Friday - Thoughts about yesterday
(February 18, 1994 - Today's journal, as was yesterday's, once again was composed over the Thanksgiving holiday at home and is taken word for word from the handwritten copy.)
Happy Thanksgiving! I was reading through the notes in my daily planner today and was putting Shar¡'s time line over top of what I have written down as happening and I finally got the story straight. She said that she was pregnant for a month and two weeks when she thinks she had a miscarriage. Take a wild guess what weekend that was - Livestock!!! STUPID FUCKING CUNT! As I sat here I freaked out as my mind made the critical connections and I had to work around the truth with my very curious mom. I haven't been able to tell them anything about Shar¡'s and my talk because without the critical pregnancy story, it all sounds so fake. After I told Shar¡ that I thought I figured out she was pregnant I called her. She told me that was the important thing she had been talking about. That was October sixth. I've started to think if only I had asked her, like she wanted to know why I didn't she would know that's what I wanted and would never have gone to Livestock. Shar¡ then said that she went in for a liver infection two weeks later and found out she might still be pregnant..... Halloween weekend..... The day I wrote in my book that, "It starts!!!" as I mailed out my chain letter to bring me all I ever wanted. I am terrified to think that the "letter" brought my baby back "from the dead!" That night was a full moon! that Emily predicted would bring on something unexpected.
We would be in the eleventh week right now and that matches up with my little plastic fetus from Gator Expo. I've joked around with my family a lot with my fetus and even told them my joke about Shar¡ mailing it to me!!! My mom was asking me yesterday if Shar¡ and I ever..... (had sex) and I played innocent.
I just couldn't help but think about how perfect last night compared to my dream of Shar¡ and I getting back together. I used to think that Shar¡ would surprise me on my birthday with a pregnancy... What are the fucking chances of that happening after what we've been through.... but they did!!! She also noticed my earring like I planned. Happy birthday to me!!! Please be alive!!! I want so much to talk to Shar¡ seriously about all of this.
I took Chrissy and Father to Busch Gardens.
Leigh Anne called twice, one and a half hours from eleven to twelve thirty. I told her I have news. She said she fears I'll tell her something like Shar¡ really is pregnant. She's so fucking smart. I can't wait to tell Chris..........................
I only wish that you hung out with somebody that kept me on your mind as much as Ashley keeps you on mine! We're always talking about how I feel about you (she probably knows better than you do), and how she feels about Daniel, her long distance fling.
Happy Thanksgiving! I was reading through the notes in my daily planner today and was putting Shar¡'s time line over top of what I have written down as happening and I finally got the story straight. She said that she was pregnant for a month and two weeks when she thinks she had a miscarriage. Take a wild guess what weekend that was - Livestock!!! STUPID FUCKING CUNT! As I sat here I freaked out as my mind made the critical connections and I had to work around the truth with my very curious mom. I haven't been able to tell them anything about Shar¡'s and my talk because without the critical pregnancy story, it all sounds so fake. After I told Shar¡ that I thought I figured out she was pregnant I called her. She told me that was the important thing she had been talking about. That was October sixth. I've started to think if only I had asked her, like she wanted to know why I didn't she would know that's what I wanted and would never have gone to Livestock. Shar¡ then said that she went in for a liver infection two weeks later and found out she might still be pregnant..... Halloween weekend..... The day I wrote in my book that, "It starts!!!" as I mailed out my chain letter to bring me all I ever wanted. I am terrified to think that the "letter" brought my baby back "from the dead!" That night was a full moon! that Emily predicted would bring on something unexpected.
We would be in the eleventh week right now and that matches up with my little plastic fetus from Gator Expo. I've joked around with my family a lot with my fetus and even told them my joke about Shar¡ mailing it to me!!! My mom was asking me yesterday if Shar¡ and I ever..... (had sex) and I played innocent.
I just couldn't help but think about how perfect last night compared to my dream of Shar¡ and I getting back together. I used to think that Shar¡ would surprise me on my birthday with a pregnancy... What are the fucking chances of that happening after what we've been through.... but they did!!! She also noticed my earring like I planned. Happy birthday to me!!! Please be alive!!! I want so much to talk to Shar¡ seriously about all of this.
I took Chrissy and Father to Busch Gardens.
Leigh Anne called twice, one and a half hours from eleven to twelve thirty. I told her I have news. She said she fears I'll tell her something like Shar¡ really is pregnant. She's so fucking smart. I can't wait to tell Chris..........................
I only wish that you hung out with somebody that kept me on your mind as much as Ashley keeps you on mine! We're always talking about how I feel about you (she probably knows better than you do), and how she feels about Daniel, her long distance fling.
Wednesday, November 24, 1993
November 24, 1993 - Thursday - Shari!!! was pregnant!!!
(January 31, 1994 - Today's journal was written on Thanksgiving weekend at home over the holiday and is taken word for word from the handwritten copy.)
I finally started making the phone calls at nine that had been one of the only reasons that I came home to Tampa for the weekend. I had been talking to mom and Chrissy about Shar¡ for a while and told them about the first day we met, and my mom reminded me every once in a while how she up and left me. Thanks. So Christina was the first one I called, and she seemed damn happy to hear from me. We caught up real quick and she ended up telling me that she got pregnant about three weeks ago and told me the story behind that. I pouted to her that it sucks that she's not a free woman anymore and she laughed. She then told me that Shar¡, (Tracy)?, and I are the only ones who know. She then told me that she was going over to Shar¡'s to pick her up! She said that they were just going to hang out for a while. She also told me that Shar¡ has been a real bitch to everybody lately and said that it is because she is living on her own now with her boyfriend so she thinks she is the shit. I hat that fucking expression!!! But that had been the only real reason I called, to get the latest scoop on Shar¡. She then asked if she could call me back at 10:30 after she got Shar¡. That's an hour an fifteen minutes and I tried to get an idea of where Shar¡ was staying.
I then talked with my family, but I paced with the same reckless heartbeat that I used to get waiting for Shar¡ to call. I had this fantasy that Shar¡ would be the one who calls me back, but realized that I was definitely in for a letdown.
At 10:50 Shar¡ called!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.....
We talked for just a minute and she called me back a few minutes later. We talked again for a few minutes and she did say Happy Birthday! She then asked if I would come over for a few minutes just to show my face even though I think she's a bitch. I resisted a little because I was afraid to see her face to face and choke up. I found out she did get my letter from her dad after she repeatedly asked me if I got her last one. She then said that she just wanted to explain things and I told her that he didn't have to. She stopped me and told me that there's more than that and she wants to talk to me./ Christina then got on and told me to come, and I convinced a car into my possession rather quickly as I parted.
I was expecting Shar¡ to have gotten bigger from sitting around, hoping for any reason to help me forget about her. She was waiting outside with a beer, and looked gorgeous!!! We hugged and went inside, where I hugged Christina and then went and sat on the couch next to Shar¡. I also said hello to Cord who is getting bigger, cuter, and talks even more now. We caught up on stuff kind of quick and she did notice my earring, which is the SOLE reason I bought it!!! Christina was sick and puked once. Shar¡ said that she was being a bitch and she wouldn't be hanging out with her later on if that kept up. Christina then laughed about how they'd be cute if they were both pregnant and ran around together. By that time I thought I knew that Shar¡ had gotten pregnant from me, and had probably gotten an abortion, although she swore she was against it, but I wouldn't put it past her. She then said that she would have had hers first anyway and I thought that was real cute {extremely sarcastic!!!}. We started talking about smoking pot while pregnant and so forth.
They were getting ready to head back to Shar¡'s pretty soon so Christina kept going to the bathroom to get ready. Shar¡ and I finally got to the point we so much needed to talk about. It took her a long time to spit it that she had gotten pregnant a month and two weeks ago. I used to think if we ever came to this that I would get to explain that it was mine and all would be better! She then told me that she had a (miscarriage??) (or an abortion!!!???) and that she was at the doctor's two weeks ago for a kidney infection and told him what happened and he said that she might still be pregnant.
I of course had to ask whose she thinks it is (was?) and she almost jokingly asked whose did I think. She then told me that she never fucked around on me when we were together. She told me at the beginning that the reason she stopped calling me was not because of me. I was afraid of something worse, but then she told me that I have my college to look forward to and she didn't want her to be the one who fucked up my life. I then told her how I figured this out a long time ago and had told Chris. I also said I called her that day and she wanted to know why I didn't say anything. That's just not something you come up and say if you're not sure, I thought. After that we were kind of quiet for a while and she asked me what I was thinking after I had looked at her and slowly shook my head. I said nothing important. She later told me to smile and I gave her a small one, she then tried to tickle me on the side but it didn't do much. It was funny how we would shut up every time Christina would come into the room. Christina asked her once if she had told me and Shar¡ said no and I quickly figured out that she had lied and there wasn't anything else to tell me.
We talked some more about nothings after that. I rested my chin on my fist once and just stared off into space for a minute and I know she noticed. She told me that my legs have gained weight since she's seen me and I objected that I've actually lost quite a bit of weight.
Anyway, I actually got up and said that I was going to take off before they were ready to leave. Shar¡ directed me to go say goodbye to Christina and I told her to call me before I go. She told me that I was really lucky I even caught her at home and gave me her beeper number. Cord gave me hugs goodbye. Shar¡ then said she'd walk me to my car. I said one joke before we left that made us all laugh and that was cool.
We hugged before I sat down in the car. I then told her that I don't think she's a bitch at all, and if she is I'm just way too forgiving. She had called herself one again for not telling me sooner, and she mentioned again about not wanting to screw up my life. I told her I would rather that she had. She then asked if I want to know if she is still pregnant and I said definitely. I had already asked on the walk out if she would call me this weekend and she said yes, and bragged that she had been the one who remembered my phone number.
She really looked like she was going to cry and I think I did, too. We then hugged long and hard and I kissed her shoulder as she stood up and she said that she'll definitely call as she quickly turned away. I wonder if she did cry... or needed to. I drove home with a new view to life. My mom said my horoscope said I would get back with an old fling, I thought Kim, she swore Shar¡.
Happy birthday to me.
I finally started making the phone calls at nine that had been one of the only reasons that I came home to Tampa for the weekend. I had been talking to mom and Chrissy about Shar¡ for a while and told them about the first day we met, and my mom reminded me every once in a while how she up and left me. Thanks. So Christina was the first one I called, and she seemed damn happy to hear from me. We caught up real quick and she ended up telling me that she got pregnant about three weeks ago and told me the story behind that. I pouted to her that it sucks that she's not a free woman anymore and she laughed. She then told me that Shar¡, (Tracy)?, and I are the only ones who know. She then told me that she was going over to Shar¡'s to pick her up! She said that they were just going to hang out for a while. She also told me that Shar¡ has been a real bitch to everybody lately and said that it is because she is living on her own now with her boyfriend so she thinks she is the shit. I hat that fucking expression!!! But that had been the only real reason I called, to get the latest scoop on Shar¡. She then asked if she could call me back at 10:30 after she got Shar¡. That's an hour an fifteen minutes and I tried to get an idea of where Shar¡ was staying.
I then talked with my family, but I paced with the same reckless heartbeat that I used to get waiting for Shar¡ to call. I had this fantasy that Shar¡ would be the one who calls me back, but realized that I was definitely in for a letdown.
At 10:50 Shar¡ called!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.....
We talked for just a minute and she called me back a few minutes later. We talked again for a few minutes and she did say Happy Birthday! She then asked if I would come over for a few minutes just to show my face even though I think she's a bitch. I resisted a little because I was afraid to see her face to face and choke up. I found out she did get my letter from her dad after she repeatedly asked me if I got her last one. She then said that she just wanted to explain things and I told her that he didn't have to. She stopped me and told me that there's more than that and she wants to talk to me./ Christina then got on and told me to come, and I convinced a car into my possession rather quickly as I parted.
I was expecting Shar¡ to have gotten bigger from sitting around, hoping for any reason to help me forget about her. She was waiting outside with a beer, and looked gorgeous!!! We hugged and went inside, where I hugged Christina and then went and sat on the couch next to Shar¡. I also said hello to Cord who is getting bigger, cuter, and talks even more now. We caught up on stuff kind of quick and she did notice my earring, which is the SOLE reason I bought it!!! Christina was sick and puked once. Shar¡ said that she was being a bitch and she wouldn't be hanging out with her later on if that kept up. Christina then laughed about how they'd be cute if they were both pregnant and ran around together. By that time I thought I knew that Shar¡ had gotten pregnant from me, and had probably gotten an abortion, although she swore she was against it, but I wouldn't put it past her. She then said that she would have had hers first anyway and I thought that was real cute {extremely sarcastic!!!}. We started talking about smoking pot while pregnant and so forth.
They were getting ready to head back to Shar¡'s pretty soon so Christina kept going to the bathroom to get ready. Shar¡ and I finally got to the point we so much needed to talk about. It took her a long time to spit it that she had gotten pregnant a month and two weeks ago. I used to think if we ever came to this that I would get to explain that it was mine and all would be better! She then told me that she had a (miscarriage??) (or an abortion!!!???) and that she was at the doctor's two weeks ago for a kidney infection and told him what happened and he said that she might still be pregnant.
I of course had to ask whose she thinks it is (was?) and she almost jokingly asked whose did I think. She then told me that she never fucked around on me when we were together. She told me at the beginning that the reason she stopped calling me was not because of me. I was afraid of something worse, but then she told me that I have my college to look forward to and she didn't want her to be the one who fucked up my life. I then told her how I figured this out a long time ago and had told Chris. I also said I called her that day and she wanted to know why I didn't say anything. That's just not something you come up and say if you're not sure, I thought. After that we were kind of quiet for a while and she asked me what I was thinking after I had looked at her and slowly shook my head. I said nothing important. She later told me to smile and I gave her a small one, she then tried to tickle me on the side but it didn't do much. It was funny how we would shut up every time Christina would come into the room. Christina asked her once if she had told me and Shar¡ said no and I quickly figured out that she had lied and there wasn't anything else to tell me.
We talked some more about nothings after that. I rested my chin on my fist once and just stared off into space for a minute and I know she noticed. She told me that my legs have gained weight since she's seen me and I objected that I've actually lost quite a bit of weight.
Anyway, I actually got up and said that I was going to take off before they were ready to leave. Shar¡ directed me to go say goodbye to Christina and I told her to call me before I go. She told me that I was really lucky I even caught her at home and gave me her beeper number. Cord gave me hugs goodbye. Shar¡ then said she'd walk me to my car. I said one joke before we left that made us all laugh and that was cool.
We hugged before I sat down in the car. I then told her that I don't think she's a bitch at all, and if she is I'm just way too forgiving. She had called herself one again for not telling me sooner, and she mentioned again about not wanting to screw up my life. I told her I would rather that she had. She then asked if I want to know if she is still pregnant and I said definitely. I had already asked on the walk out if she would call me this weekend and she said yes, and bragged that she had been the one who remembered my phone number.
She really looked like she was going to cry and I think I did, too. We then hugged long and hard and I kissed her shoulder as she stood up and she said that she'll definitely call as she quickly turned away. I wonder if she did cry... or needed to. I drove home with a new view to life. My mom said my horoscope said I would get back with an old fling, I thought Kim, she swore Shar¡.
Happy birthday to me.
Tuesday, November 23, 1993
November 23, 1993 - Tuesday - Laura's dream!, Kimmeth!
It's been quite a while since I've written in my journal and so much stuff has happened during my period of neglect. I should really be studying for my German culture exam right now, and my brain is going nuts trying to force me to, but sometimes there are more important things in life that have to be taken care of first. Tomorrow I am going down to Tampa with Jon and his cousin for Thanksgiving vacation as soon as I get home from this exam. I've pretty much packed everything and am ready although it would mean the world to me if I could only have an extra week of time thrown in right about now. I'd like to write my little sister a nice long letter because she hasn't heard from me since the events during Homecoming week.
I just went downstairs and had Ashley replace my starter earring with my gold half inch hoop. It was a real pain in the ass the other day when I tried to get it in, and she had just as bad a time but she finally came through. I repeatedly told her how much I appreciated her helping me because I know that I often neglect to let people know what they really need to hear, and I just wanted to make sure she knew. I was originally going to have Delisa, the fat one next door, do it but she didn't answer the door. I'm glad now that I let Ashley because I trust her and she did an awesome job. She cleaned my ear with hydrogen peroxide because it started to bleed when she accidentally ripped the starter out, and it felt good that she didn't cringe away from my bodily fluids, and instead nursed my ear back to health. I was very impressed and she said that she has had practice with Daniel's ear a couple of times.
I talked to Laura for a few minutes, and Rob, who were watching the movie, Alive. Some guy named Eric who used to work at Busch Gardens called Laura and was wanting a ride home and she asked if he knew me, and he said yes, "Big Dan!" Laura asked why he called me that (like it's not obvious!) and I told her that he knows things she doesn't. She complained about that later and asked something about finding out! I wish!!! I really do! We wished each other a happy Thanksgiving and Ashley remembered to say Happy Birthday as I left.
Ashley and I have kind of been stressing out all weekend about a big biology exam that we finally took this morning. We decided ahead of time last week that we were going to buy the A Plus notes this time and skipped class under my discretion to go and get them. We didn't realize the place opened at nine, so we had about half an hour to kill. I treated us to chocolate milkshakes at McDonalds and we sat out on the patio and talked. We had a decent time and then picked up the notes on the way to the gym, where I dropped her off and headed to my other classes. I talked to her early on Saturday and we discussed when I would drop off the notes, and she told me to ask Laura if she would like some ground beef the next time I see her. She told me not to ask why, but just to do it.
Well, I stopped by Sunday night and caught Ashley, Laura, and Jana just finishing up dinner. Jana was exceptionally nice and talkative to me and was telling me stories about things that have happened lately. I was surprised that she suddenly seems to like me so much now. I joked with Ashley a little bit before asking laura about the ground beef. She got a little embarrassed but didn't hesitate a bit to tell me the story behind it. It is something that I never would expect someone to tell another person either, especially when that someone is the subject...
She told me that she had a dream that Jana was in the kitchen browning ground beef on the stove, and I was in there with her, visiting for some reason. She said that she was lying in bed and I eventually picked up the pan of beef and came into her room and dumped a big scoopful onto the middle of her floor. She got mad at me and then I held a scoop up under her chin and she said it only felt warm, not hot, but it did later leave a burn mark. She said that when she got up to wash herself off, I climbed into one of their beds and by that time she was really frustrated and went to clean up the beef off of the floor. She then said that she screamed my name at me and woke up at that instant. She said that Jana was rolling around when she did and she thinks that she really yelled out my name!!! Of course everybody teased her about that, but I kind of like it. I left saying, "Sweet dreams!" and they all liked that. She told me just a little while ago that she'll be dreaming about me. I told Leigh Anne and she didn't like that very much.
I just happened to answer the phone the other day on Sunday, which is a rarity, only to here Kimmeth's voice!!! I was quite happy to say the least!!! Of course I had told Leigh Anne that I needed to study and couldn't time with her so she got pissed that I was on the phone with Kim, especially for the length of time that I stayed on. Fuck her! I got rid of her and would again before cutting a call with Kim off early.
We had an awesome talk, too, for we both seem much happier about life lately. She got my letter and told me that she kind of figured out what was going on for that time there with Shar¡ and really liked my cute little references of how studly I was being over the summmer. She wants me to come and see her so bad and a feasible solution may have presented itself for Christmas break, but I'd hate to jinx things.
Jon and I were joking a little while ago about what my parents will say when they se my earring. I said, "I thought you were broke!," and he really liked that and said his would say the same thing!
Leigh Anne! Leigh Anne! Leigh Anne!
I just went downstairs and had Ashley replace my starter earring with my gold half inch hoop. It was a real pain in the ass the other day when I tried to get it in, and she had just as bad a time but she finally came through. I repeatedly told her how much I appreciated her helping me because I know that I often neglect to let people know what they really need to hear, and I just wanted to make sure she knew. I was originally going to have Delisa, the fat one next door, do it but she didn't answer the door. I'm glad now that I let Ashley because I trust her and she did an awesome job. She cleaned my ear with hydrogen peroxide because it started to bleed when she accidentally ripped the starter out, and it felt good that she didn't cringe away from my bodily fluids, and instead nursed my ear back to health. I was very impressed and she said that she has had practice with Daniel's ear a couple of times.
I talked to Laura for a few minutes, and Rob, who were watching the movie, Alive. Some guy named Eric who used to work at Busch Gardens called Laura and was wanting a ride home and she asked if he knew me, and he said yes, "Big Dan!" Laura asked why he called me that (like it's not obvious!) and I told her that he knows things she doesn't. She complained about that later and asked something about finding out! I wish!!! I really do! We wished each other a happy Thanksgiving and Ashley remembered to say Happy Birthday as I left.
Ashley and I have kind of been stressing out all weekend about a big biology exam that we finally took this morning. We decided ahead of time last week that we were going to buy the A Plus notes this time and skipped class under my discretion to go and get them. We didn't realize the place opened at nine, so we had about half an hour to kill. I treated us to chocolate milkshakes at McDonalds and we sat out on the patio and talked. We had a decent time and then picked up the notes on the way to the gym, where I dropped her off and headed to my other classes. I talked to her early on Saturday and we discussed when I would drop off the notes, and she told me to ask Laura if she would like some ground beef the next time I see her. She told me not to ask why, but just to do it.
Well, I stopped by Sunday night and caught Ashley, Laura, and Jana just finishing up dinner. Jana was exceptionally nice and talkative to me and was telling me stories about things that have happened lately. I was surprised that she suddenly seems to like me so much now. I joked with Ashley a little bit before asking laura about the ground beef. She got a little embarrassed but didn't hesitate a bit to tell me the story behind it. It is something that I never would expect someone to tell another person either, especially when that someone is the subject...
She told me that she had a dream that Jana was in the kitchen browning ground beef on the stove, and I was in there with her, visiting for some reason. She said that she was lying in bed and I eventually picked up the pan of beef and came into her room and dumped a big scoopful onto the middle of her floor. She got mad at me and then I held a scoop up under her chin and she said it only felt warm, not hot, but it did later leave a burn mark. She said that when she got up to wash herself off, I climbed into one of their beds and by that time she was really frustrated and went to clean up the beef off of the floor. She then said that she screamed my name at me and woke up at that instant. She said that Jana was rolling around when she did and she thinks that she really yelled out my name!!! Of course everybody teased her about that, but I kind of like it. I left saying, "Sweet dreams!" and they all liked that. She told me just a little while ago that she'll be dreaming about me. I told Leigh Anne and she didn't like that very much.
I just happened to answer the phone the other day on Sunday, which is a rarity, only to here Kimmeth's voice!!! I was quite happy to say the least!!! Of course I had told Leigh Anne that I needed to study and couldn't time with her so she got pissed that I was on the phone with Kim, especially for the length of time that I stayed on. Fuck her! I got rid of her and would again before cutting a call with Kim off early.
We had an awesome talk, too, for we both seem much happier about life lately. She got my letter and told me that she kind of figured out what was going on for that time there with Shar¡ and really liked my cute little references of how studly I was being over the summmer. She wants me to come and see her so bad and a feasible solution may have presented itself for Christmas break, but I'd hate to jinx things.
Jon and I were joking a little while ago about what my parents will say when they se my earring. I said, "I thought you were broke!," and he really liked that and said his would say the same thing!
Leigh Anne! Leigh Anne! Leigh Anne!
Sunday, November 14, 1993
November 14, 1993 - Sunday - Movie, I won war twice!
I did my part, to break her heart, but she walked out on me, and tore my world apart... Thanks Shar¡.
Well, Leigh Anne and I played war today, and I won twice!!! She decided to shuck our plans of watching Aladdin, eating Jello, and playing with Cool Whip and instead go see a movie with Ed and Roswitha. We decided to go see "My Life," a movie with really good advertising (including Enya music) and a really good review by Michelle. Stupid then let us know in the car that she forgot her wallet, her money and ATM card, in the rush to get ready. Bullshit! It then took us a really long time to get through the line at the theater but I was having a pretty good time flirting. There was a gorgeous girl behind us who looked so fucking sexy in the club clothes she was wearing. I also waved to this cute girl from my German class who was further back line.
It was cool that all four of us tend to get along rather well. Roswitha and Leigh Anne even ran off together to look at the movie times and I thought that was cute. We had to sit in the front row, but that didn't take away from the experience at all. It was a really sad movie that made both of the girls really cry. One of the most touching themes was about a father who doesn't spend enough time with his family and is always working. I figured that would get to Leigh Anne but I don't really have that problem because we did quite a bit with father. I also used to go to work with him a lot which kept us close.
Leigh Anne and I were doing a lot of public emotion tonight and she'll even hold my hand and kiss me every so often. When we got home she wanted to go straight to eating Jello and licking Cool Whip off of each other. I think it would have been much more seductive if we had stayed and watched Aladdin because I was no longer in the mood for licking. I thus didn't do her the favor (or flavor) back and she got upset. We thus played war, the card game, and I kicked her ass. She then undressed and hopped up into bed. I had just put in Enya and decided to just lay on the floor and meditate to her music. Of course this was somewhat intended to piss Leigh Anne off even more. I figured if she wa going to act that way, I might as well give her a real reason.
When I did get in bed, I didn't start anything, I started just to go to sleep. She got upset and wanted to talk so I spilled my guts a little bit but confused her. She got mad and said that we should just go to sleep. She then asked again if we could talk and I said, "Good night!" as I got out of bed to go pee. That pissed her off even more. I didn't hold her all night and didn't wait around for her to wake up in the morning either. I started writing letters to Carey Ann and Kimmeth and didn't even talk to Leigh Anne.
She ended up grabbing her blanket and clothes and went back to her room. She came back to get her Aladdin tape and brought me back my laundry basket and the clothes she was wearing of mine. I didn't pay much attention to her and was acting like I didn't care. I could tell that all she wanted me to do was to grab her and beg for her back.
Jon witnessed the whole thing and I decided that I have been doing the chasing all of my life and I am fucking tired of it. If she didn't care enough about us that she could just throw it away by leaving, then that is her decision and thus she is decided her fate. I would live with it either way. I am just so sick of not being chased and always seeming to be doing all of the work and changing to make people happy. I also KNEW that she'd come back on her own. When she was dating Jerry she forgave him far too many times for me to go chasing her now. Instead I cooked and ate lunch.
I had some sickening realizations about Shar¡ today as well. There are so many things that Leigh Anne does wrong that I took for granted with Shar¡. There are also certain things that I realize now were attempts by Shar¡ to make me happy in her own beautiful way. Things she said: like when she said that she loves me... I think I accept that now as the most important thing anybody has ever said to me. It was such a perfect moment and is something that was so hard for her to admit... and she did cry when I told her how much it meant to me. She also did lots of little things, like buying me that card which was the main focus of her day. I love her so much and would go back to her in a heartbeat. I was just so happy with her. I hope I can someday find a decent girl that I will feel the same way about...
I got this note from Leigh Anne under the door while I was eating:
I'm not sure how to explain what is going on. I know how I feel about you, but not knowing how you feel about me is too much for me to handle. You can SAY I love you, but meaning it is something else. I know I'm probably blowing this out of proportion but I tend to do that. You told me to tell you anything I wanted to, so I did. I told you how I needed certain things from you, but I guess that was too much to ask. I thought that of all people, YOU would know what I needed, but I guess I overestimated you, or us,whatever the case may be. The perfect example was last night/ this morning/ afternoon. You know I was upset, but your response did not help! All I wanted was for you to hold me + tell me not to give up. Or some crap like that. Ignoring me is NOT the answer. It only gets me more upset because then I think you don't give a shit which is EXACTLY the way I feel right now. You didn't even try to stop me from leaving nor did you come over here. I just don't know anything anymore, except that I love you + I wanted to thank you for the brief, but wonderful, time we spent together.
Love, Leigh Anne
However, I still knew she'd come back, and I didn't leave and wasn't moved by her letter. I did follow her over to her room once when she brought me my laundry basket and she left her door open for me to follow. Had she slammed it, she would have needed a lot of ass kissing to get me back. She still stomped into her room and sat on the floor. I was still pissed that she kept walking away so I just left again. Michelle looked at me funny when I walked in, and I said that it's just not worth it as I walked by her and left. I figured that would work rather nicely.
It wasn't long before she came back and I ended up telling her why she pissed me off and that she can't just think about herself. I also gave her a guilt trip for trying to change me. She broke down very easily and begged ME to forgive her and said that she was being stupid and didn't mean the letter at all. This has to be the first time anyone has ever openly worked to keep ME!!! Go ego! And things are back to normal now and she is learning that she should'nt make me upset, because she doesn't like it when she does. She's told me I no fun to be arguing with because I don't get violent and fight back. That would only give her a reason to be angry at me and hold a grudge. This way she can only feel guilty... Good!
She also knew how much I can't stand letters since I got Shar¡'s and I really didn't appreciate what Leigh Anne did. I also got up early today to take a shower and had a hallucination that Shar¡ was there waiting in bed for me. It's almost like my brain is trying to project Shar¡ onto Leigh Anne but Leigh Anne will never even come close. Even my brain can't compensate for that much error!
Well, Leigh Anne and I played war today, and I won twice!!! She decided to shuck our plans of watching Aladdin, eating Jello, and playing with Cool Whip and instead go see a movie with Ed and Roswitha. We decided to go see "My Life," a movie with really good advertising (including Enya music) and a really good review by Michelle. Stupid then let us know in the car that she forgot her wallet, her money and ATM card, in the rush to get ready. Bullshit! It then took us a really long time to get through the line at the theater but I was having a pretty good time flirting. There was a gorgeous girl behind us who looked so fucking sexy in the club clothes she was wearing. I also waved to this cute girl from my German class who was further back line.
It was cool that all four of us tend to get along rather well. Roswitha and Leigh Anne even ran off together to look at the movie times and I thought that was cute. We had to sit in the front row, but that didn't take away from the experience at all. It was a really sad movie that made both of the girls really cry. One of the most touching themes was about a father who doesn't spend enough time with his family and is always working. I figured that would get to Leigh Anne but I don't really have that problem because we did quite a bit with father. I also used to go to work with him a lot which kept us close.
Leigh Anne and I were doing a lot of public emotion tonight and she'll even hold my hand and kiss me every so often. When we got home she wanted to go straight to eating Jello and licking Cool Whip off of each other. I think it would have been much more seductive if we had stayed and watched Aladdin because I was no longer in the mood for licking. I thus didn't do her the favor (or flavor) back and she got upset. We thus played war, the card game, and I kicked her ass. She then undressed and hopped up into bed. I had just put in Enya and decided to just lay on the floor and meditate to her music. Of course this was somewhat intended to piss Leigh Anne off even more. I figured if she wa going to act that way, I might as well give her a real reason.
When I did get in bed, I didn't start anything, I started just to go to sleep. She got upset and wanted to talk so I spilled my guts a little bit but confused her. She got mad and said that we should just go to sleep. She then asked again if we could talk and I said, "Good night!" as I got out of bed to go pee. That pissed her off even more. I didn't hold her all night and didn't wait around for her to wake up in the morning either. I started writing letters to Carey Ann and Kimmeth and didn't even talk to Leigh Anne.
She ended up grabbing her blanket and clothes and went back to her room. She came back to get her Aladdin tape and brought me back my laundry basket and the clothes she was wearing of mine. I didn't pay much attention to her and was acting like I didn't care. I could tell that all she wanted me to do was to grab her and beg for her back.
Jon witnessed the whole thing and I decided that I have been doing the chasing all of my life and I am fucking tired of it. If she didn't care enough about us that she could just throw it away by leaving, then that is her decision and thus she is decided her fate. I would live with it either way. I am just so sick of not being chased and always seeming to be doing all of the work and changing to make people happy. I also KNEW that she'd come back on her own. When she was dating Jerry she forgave him far too many times for me to go chasing her now. Instead I cooked and ate lunch.
I had some sickening realizations about Shar¡ today as well. There are so many things that Leigh Anne does wrong that I took for granted with Shar¡. There are also certain things that I realize now were attempts by Shar¡ to make me happy in her own beautiful way. Things she said: like when she said that she loves me... I think I accept that now as the most important thing anybody has ever said to me. It was such a perfect moment and is something that was so hard for her to admit... and she did cry when I told her how much it meant to me. She also did lots of little things, like buying me that card which was the main focus of her day. I love her so much and would go back to her in a heartbeat. I was just so happy with her. I hope I can someday find a decent girl that I will feel the same way about...
I got this note from Leigh Anne under the door while I was eating:
I'm not sure how to explain what is going on. I know how I feel about you, but not knowing how you feel about me is too much for me to handle. You can SAY I love you, but meaning it is something else. I know I'm probably blowing this out of proportion but I tend to do that. You told me to tell you anything I wanted to, so I did. I told you how I needed certain things from you, but I guess that was too much to ask. I thought that of all people, YOU would know what I needed, but I guess I overestimated you, or us,whatever the case may be. The perfect example was last night/ this morning/ afternoon. You know I was upset, but your response did not help! All I wanted was for you to hold me + tell me not to give up. Or some crap like that. Ignoring me is NOT the answer. It only gets me more upset because then I think you don't give a shit which is EXACTLY the way I feel right now. You didn't even try to stop me from leaving nor did you come over here. I just don't know anything anymore, except that I love you + I wanted to thank you for the brief, but wonderful, time we spent together.
Love, Leigh Anne
However, I still knew she'd come back, and I didn't leave and wasn't moved by her letter. I did follow her over to her room once when she brought me my laundry basket and she left her door open for me to follow. Had she slammed it, she would have needed a lot of ass kissing to get me back. She still stomped into her room and sat on the floor. I was still pissed that she kept walking away so I just left again. Michelle looked at me funny when I walked in, and I said that it's just not worth it as I walked by her and left. I figured that would work rather nicely.
It wasn't long before she came back and I ended up telling her why she pissed me off and that she can't just think about herself. I also gave her a guilt trip for trying to change me. She broke down very easily and begged ME to forgive her and said that she was being stupid and didn't mean the letter at all. This has to be the first time anyone has ever openly worked to keep ME!!! Go ego! And things are back to normal now and she is learning that she should'nt make me upset, because she doesn't like it when she does. She's told me I no fun to be arguing with because I don't get violent and fight back. That would only give her a reason to be angry at me and hold a grudge. This way she can only feel guilty... Good!
She also knew how much I can't stand letters since I got Shar¡'s and I really didn't appreciate what Leigh Anne did. I also got up early today to take a shower and had a hallucination that Shar¡ was there waiting in bed for me. It's almost like my brain is trying to project Shar¡ onto Leigh Anne but Leigh Anne will never even come close. Even my brain can't compensate for that much error!